This isn't a self bashing rant again, I'm trying to be done with that. God dammit I knew this would happen to me though, I need to learn that what I do is wrong. I finally have to get over this, change who I am and stop being a childish pussy. I can't finish this now, I'm going to break down and work is not the place to do that.

This'll be short. I have a sick fascination with pulling the "I told you so" concept on people, although in this case it's more so of a confirmation to myself. I told you Christopher, you are fucked up, even when you get a girl who thinks you are great, because of your fucked mind and the way your mom raised you, you are just as screwed. i don't ( Read more... )

Haha, deleted.

All kinds of freakin' lost these days, and slippin'. Boo yah.

Ugh. Mine mind. Seemingly impossible for me to think clearly when I start to think I'm interested in a girl. It's weird, with my experience over the years, I feel like I'm not allowed to like anyone anymore simply because I have no hope of it working out. It's a weird feeling, I hadn't noticed it until today. Not even considering the possibility, ( Read more... )

I'm kind of an amusing creature. When I'm sober, I feel the need to vent and just get it off my chest, whatever is bothering me, and LJ is usually good for that. But, what's funny to me, is when I get stoned after work, I determine how foolish it was to post such stupid thoughts and delete the entry before anyone has a chance to read it. I could ( Read more... )

I'm not sure why I'm here.

The more I realize about myself, all the more seems to hurtle beyond my grip.

How amusing. Back to basics it seems. Angry with myself again for doing stupid things and hoping against hope for something I do not, simply, have the personality to obtain. Why is it that I could get laid if I really wanted to, but to find the one thing that tortures me seems nigh impossible. I'm really losing hope here. God I must be worthless.

What a day, what a day. There is just something magical about today. Mayhaps it is just the long-overdue arrival of the holiday spirit. Perhaps I'm just allowing myself too much hope, but then again, I can't fail if I play this right. Too much is happening at this time, more than I care to comment on, but it's all just so... good recently. Minus ( Read more... )