Trigger Finger
Brigit's Flame - February 2012, week 1 entry
Prompt: Thank you
Title: Trigger Finger
Wordcount: ~1700, rated PG-13 for mild language and violent imagery
Author: Graham Smith (chuck_the_plant)
My ears filled with thunder when she pulled the trigger. She blinked involuntarily against the sound and her shoulders moved less than they did the last ( Read more... )
Comments 7
Let's talk about the exposition Bellumina brought up. It is a lot of information, but it's pretty necessary, and it's presented very well. You did a great job of presenting the facts of the universe while also introducing us to your characters. I didn't have a problem with the length of the exposition - you weren't giving us the life story of minor characters, after all - but I can see how slang_jockey would have been expecting a longer piece after that. And this is a story that could be drawn out, given more details, expanded almost infinitely.
Now, on to the argument scene. I think that was overall very plausible! Just a couple of small notes about it. First, "I glanced to the south and noticed a large barn a few miles away." Unless your narrator has astoundingly good vision and the large barn is the size of a metropolis, I doubt ou could really see it a few miles away. Also, that speaks to the distance ou could walk in a day: if they've been on the run for a year, they're probably both ( ... )
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