94. (drug) lord of the kitchen.
[Paddy's sat in his kitchen, it's the afternoon.]
Right, folks of the Barge. We need a chat. About this: [He holds up an orange.] Not just oranges. Food. In general.
Because here's the thing, guys. Let me introduce you to our staff. I don't know if you've noticed, but responsible for your hot, delicious, tasty dinners, for over... oh, is it 150 people now? Are the following:
Myself. [He holds up one finger] Miss Parker. [He holds up a second] Laura Palmer. [He holds up a third]. Parker. [He holds up a fourth.] And Rex Lewis. [He holds up one hand.]
That's five people, none of whom, bar Laura, have had any experience in cooking for people on any kind of scale before. Lunch and breakfast have the same, except with one less warden. That's four people.
[He puts his hand, and the orange down, and looks deadly serious.]
Given that there are around 70 inmates on the ship, and only nine of them are working for the kitchens? I find this a little absurd. I know a lot of you guys do have a job. And you ain't the folks I'm gunning for here. It's those who are sitting about doing nothing.
[A dramatic pause.]
There's a choice here. Nobody sends anyone else to me, to work, and nobody volunteers. Which means you don't get any fancy choice. You don't get any nice things, sorry. I just can't do it. You get things I can cook in a big fucking pan or two, like a curry, or somethin' like that. And as soon as one of these folks gets killed/put in zero/graduates/disappears? [He did actually say 'slash' there.]
[He grimaces, and holds up a Pot Noodle. Yes, he has a giant box of them still.] That's what's going to happen. Because me and Laura have done the whole fucking thing on our own before, and it's not happening again.
Or. OR. I get sent a good handful of new folks. Then we can run with, y'know, choice. I actually have a whole plan [He holds up a notebook. You can't see what it says, but it definitely looks like planning] for making shit that ain't just for humans, and ain't just what I'm familiar with. But I need... five, six people working for me to make that happen.
[He looks directly into the camera.] I don't think I have to make a graph to make it clear that the food you get served, and it's quality, is directly proportional to the amount of people working in the kitchen.
So get to, and send me your inmates, or volunteer yourselves, inmates, take some initiative. Or [He just picks the Pot Noodle up and gives it a rattle at the camera].
Thank you, and goodnight.
Right, folks of the Barge. We need a chat. About this: [He holds up an orange.] Not just oranges. Food. In general.
Because here's the thing, guys. Let me introduce you to our staff. I don't know if you've noticed, but responsible for your hot, delicious, tasty dinners, for over... oh, is it 150 people now? Are the following:
Myself. [He holds up one finger] Miss Parker. [He holds up a second] Laura Palmer. [He holds up a third]. Parker. [He holds up a fourth.] And Rex Lewis. [He holds up one hand.]
That's five people, none of whom, bar Laura, have had any experience in cooking for people on any kind of scale before. Lunch and breakfast have the same, except with one less warden. That's four people.
[He puts his hand, and the orange down, and looks deadly serious.]
Given that there are around 70 inmates on the ship, and only nine of them are working for the kitchens? I find this a little absurd. I know a lot of you guys do have a job. And you ain't the folks I'm gunning for here. It's those who are sitting about doing nothing.
[A dramatic pause.]
There's a choice here. Nobody sends anyone else to me, to work, and nobody volunteers. Which means you don't get any fancy choice. You don't get any nice things, sorry. I just can't do it. You get things I can cook in a big fucking pan or two, like a curry, or somethin' like that. And as soon as one of these folks gets killed/put in zero/graduates/disappears? [He did actually say 'slash' there.]
[He grimaces, and holds up a Pot Noodle. Yes, he has a giant box of them still.] That's what's going to happen. Because me and Laura have done the whole fucking thing on our own before, and it's not happening again.
Or. OR. I get sent a good handful of new folks. Then we can run with, y'know, choice. I actually have a whole plan [He holds up a notebook. You can't see what it says, but it definitely looks like planning] for making shit that ain't just for humans, and ain't just what I'm familiar with. But I need... five, six people working for me to make that happen.
[He looks directly into the camera.] I don't think I have to make a graph to make it clear that the food you get served, and it's quality, is directly proportional to the amount of people working in the kitchen.
So get to, and send me your inmates, or volunteer yourselves, inmates, take some initiative. Or [He just picks the Pot Noodle up and gives it a rattle at the camera].
Thank you, and goodnight.