The Good, the Bad and the Mindblowingly Stupid Utterly Inconsiderate Assbags

[chironcentaur]

So, let's pretend that you have a family member that is getting ready to move across the country in a couple of days. No, this is not something that you are particularly happy about, but the family member is an adult, and everything is bought and paid for at this point so there is no backing out now. Its likely that, after this happens, you wont be

Comments

[erl_queen]

Wow, that is some impressively passive-aggressive bullshit. They only care about her being there once she's leaving. Classic. And you know, if both parties really care and want to get together, it can happen, even across country. My mother and I see each other a couple times a year, my father at least once a year, and none of us are made of money. We just save and sacrifice because it's a priority. But obviously, it's not a priority for them, since they weren't coming even when it was easy. I'm sorry you had to put up with that, but even sorrier for Renee to have family act like that.

It's really sad that they can't be happy for you. I mean, even if they're right and you end up not liking it out here, at least you're making a change, trying to improve your life, because clearly you're not happy where you are currently. They should be supportive, especially now that it's too late to change plans anyway. I'm guessing they are very unfulfilled, sad people themselves, not that it's much consolation.

[chironcentaur]

if both parties really care and want to get together, it can happen, even across country.

Indeed, it might not be very frequent, but it can happen. The part that pisses me off was the expectation that of course the sacrifice would be ours to make, like there was no question of it ever being the other way around. Its not any cheaper coming from our end and back than it would be for you, ridiculous that you should be expected to spend that much money but we can handle it just fine. Its like we don't have lives of our own as far as they are concerned, and we should just revolve around them and their needs. How do you get to be that thoughtless?

at least you're making a change, trying to improve your life, because clearly you're not happy where you are currently. They should be supportiveShe had said that nothing is certain anywhere, and you're just supposed to make due with what you have where you are. Clearly how she has lived her life and I can see that it hasn't gotten her anywhere good

[erl_queen]

Wow, really hard for me to understand a mindset like that. Of course things are uncertain everywhere, but if you hate where you are, why not at least try to improve it?

I come from a different sort of people. My great-grandparents on one side escaped from Czarist Russia, my grandparents on the other side emigrated from Italy in search of a better life, my own parents moved to Maine in order to not raise a child in NYC, and my dad's moved several times since. We are definitely follow-our-bliss sort of folk. So when I moved to Montana, my parents were sad to see me go, but they understood. They also didn't think I'd end up liking it enough to stay (and they were right!) but they still let me make my own decisions.

You're right, a lot of people don't prioritize their own happiness, don't even believe it's a possibility or something worth fighting for, and that's so sad. And yeah, then they expect everyone else to be just as miserable and stay that way. Only thing you can do is move on, and not let that hold you back.

[chironcentaur]

Watching my mother be depressed her entire life and work herself deeper into a trap that she can't easily get out of, and my father go from a really fun guy into a raging miserable asshole, I have been determined my whole life long not to end up like that. Not going to settle for anything, not going to tie myself down so tightly I couldn't leave if I wanted to. I don't want to have a family, not career oriented (unless you count religious calling as such, which I certainly would but its not something I could get paid for), I'm not materialistic and money is less of a concern, there is no reason why I shouldn't make my happiness a priority. Of course all of those things above should make you happy, you should have a family and choose a career because it will fulfill you, but that's not how it works out all the time

[sephatta]

Wow. Just...wow.

I'm sorry you guys had to put up with that. Nevertheless, I'm glad I got to see you guys again before you go! Have a safe trip!

[chironcentaur]

Oh yeah, things went far down hill after you left.

Thanks again for all your help!

[hearthstone]

Wow, that is seriously screwed up.

But just think of all the good karma points you're racking up for putting up with it!

[bluedolfyn]

I am so, so sorry to hear the visit went that way. Bad enough to spend so much time trying to convince your loved one that moving is a mistake and will ruin his or her life. I mean, I understand the not wanting there to be such distance, geographically speaking, and I went through that a bit with my mother when I moved. Not when I moved from MA to PA but when I moved from northeast PA to Philly (more because of the "weird relationship" I was becoming involved in, less about distance) and then a ton of crap when I announced our intention to move to Oregon. For me and her, though, I wonder if it's more about having to give up the possibility of closeness rather than the actual distance -- she never came to see me when I was in Philly. Granted, she had taken in two infants is that time, but still. I wonder if it's a bit like that, with Renee and her people. There isn't the closeness, but moving 3k away forces one to give up that illusion of closeness, and some people have fucked up ideas of what family members should or should not

[verginiamus]

I had a soul-sucking family. Divorced the lot of them. They don't get better but my sanity did. Life is better without them. Since my brain injury, my mother did call but I just put the phone on hold and let her prattle on. They send but don't receive. You don't need them. Yes, I took the radical position, but in the end, my life was much better for it. Although I caught hell from friends who did not understand the insanity of my family.