The Good, the Bad and the Mindblowingly Stupid Utterly Inconsiderate Assbags

[chironcentaur]

So, let's pretend that you have a family member that is getting ready to move across the country in a couple of days. No, this is not something that you are particularly happy about, but the family member is an adult, and everything is bought and paid for at this point so there is no backing out now. Its likely that, after this happens, you wont be

Comments

[erl_queen]

Wow, that is some impressively passive-aggressive bullshit. They only care about her being there once she's leaving. Classic. And you know, if both parties really care and want to get together, it can happen, even across country. My mother and I see each other a couple times a year, my father at least once a year, and none of us are made of money. We just save and sacrifice because it's a priority. But obviously, it's not a priority for them, since they weren't coming even when it was easy. I'm sorry you had to put up with that, but even sorrier for Renee to have family act like that.

It's really sad that they can't be happy for you. I mean, even if they're right and you end up not liking it out here, at least you're making a change, trying to improve your life, because clearly you're not happy where you are currently. They should be supportive, especially now that it's too late to change plans anyway. I'm guessing they are very unfulfilled, sad people themselves, not that it's much consolation.

[chironcentaur]

if both parties really care and want to get together, it can happen, even across country.

Indeed, it might not be very frequent, but it can happen. The part that pisses me off was the expectation that of course the sacrifice would be ours to make, like there was no question of it ever being the other way around. Its not any cheaper coming from our end and back than it would be for you, ridiculous that you should be expected to spend that much money but we can handle it just fine. Its like we don't have lives of our own as far as they are concerned, and we should just revolve around them and their needs. How do you get to be that thoughtless?

at least you're making a change, trying to improve your life, because clearly you're not happy where you are currently. They should be supportiveShe had said that nothing is certain anywhere, and you're just supposed to make due with what you have where you are. Clearly how she has lived her life and I can see that it hasn't gotten her anywhere good

[erl_queen]

Wow, really hard for me to understand a mindset like that. Of course things are uncertain everywhere, but if you hate where you are, why not at least try to improve it?

I come from a different sort of people. My great-grandparents on one side escaped from Czarist Russia, my grandparents on the other side emigrated from Italy in search of a better life, my own parents moved to Maine in order to not raise a child in NYC, and my dad's moved several times since. We are definitely follow-our-bliss sort of folk. So when I moved to Montana, my parents were sad to see me go, but they understood. They also didn't think I'd end up liking it enough to stay (and they were right!) but they still let me make my own decisions.

You're right, a lot of people don't prioritize their own happiness, don't even believe it's a possibility or something worth fighting for, and that's so sad. And yeah, then they expect everyone else to be just as miserable and stay that way. Only thing you can do is move on, and not let that hold you back.

[chironcentaur]

Watching my mother be depressed her entire life and work herself deeper into a trap that she can't easily get out of, and my father go from a really fun guy into a raging miserable asshole, I have been determined my whole life long not to end up like that. Not going to settle for anything, not going to tie myself down so tightly I couldn't leave if I wanted to. I don't want to have a family, not career oriented (unless you count religious calling as such, which I certainly would but its not something I could get paid for), I'm not materialistic and money is less of a concern, there is no reason why I shouldn't make my happiness a priority. Of course all of those things above should make you happy, you should have a family and choose a career because it will fulfill you, but that's not how it works out all the time

[wheezinggirl]

So, I don't comment a lot, but I do read your LJ. I was most struck by this statement:

"She had said that nothing is certain anywhere, and you're just supposed to make due with what you have where you are."

What kind of crap is that? I'll tell you from experience that the people who say that are just jealous that they haven't had the balls to do something like what you are doing.

I moved from Detroit to Atlanta 7 years ago, without knowing a soul really, except for my partner oneandonlymatt. Since then, our social network has expanded beyond our imagining. I have a real sense of home here in Atlanta - more than I ever had in Detroit. Detroit has a special place in my heart because I am *from* there, but it isn't home anymore. That being said, we have a lot of friends still stuck there in one of the worst economies in the country who are dealing with a lot of issues and they often make statements like "I wish I could do what you've done, but I just can't because..." and then some stupid reason. Look - if you want to stay where you have

[sephatta]

"She had said that nothing is certain anywhere, and you're just supposed to make due with what you have where you are."

That just utterly boggles my mind.

[bluedolfyn]

>>The part that pisses me off was the expectation that of course the sacrifice would be ours to make, like there was no question of it ever being the other way around.<<

Oh, I'm so with you both there. I'll always, always be the one to go back east. Maybe Kev might get out here, but that's going to be it, and even then, it's possible he might now. (I don't begrudge him that; he actually came to Philly to see me). I got such a guilt trip for moving to Oregon, further more because part of the reason was for Beth's health -- getting her to a more mild climate, cold-wise, which is just fucked up.