New fic: Compass Rose, 1/7, Star Trek: Voyager, J/7
Title: Compass Rose
Author: chilly_flame
Fandom: Voyager
Pairing: J/7
Rating: M
Disclaimer: All the characters included herein are property of Paramount. Alas.
Summary: Seven hasn’t seen Janeway in a few years. But she hasn’t forgotten her, and she has a plan.
Notes: I started this story in November of 2007, and have worked on it on and off ever since. Of course I was distracted by a little fandom called The Devil Wears Prada for most of that time, but I still hoped to one day finish this piece. I finally have, and though it’s a little shorter than I intended, it’s as done as it ever will be. Hopefully J/7 fans are still out there and will find their way to this story.
Thanks so much to Xander, who probably read this thing so many times she’s sick to death of it. (I know I am!) Glad she stuck it out with me.
--
Seven watched the slight woman from a distance. Her hair was down, just brushing her shoulders, its highlights glinting with gold in the afternoon sun. Sweat dotted pale skin as she jogged at a leisurely pace, breath sending puffs of steam into the cool air. Other officers nodded respectfully at her as she passed, but she took no notice, appearing lost in thought. With a few exceptions she looked the same, but much had changed since the last time they'd spoken. Even now, years later, the feelings that had once confused Seven so intensely remained firmly in place.
Seven looked back on that final time she had seen Kathryn, on a transport platform at Utopia Planetia. Seven was departing work for the evening, and even from 100 meters away, she recognized the shock of auburn hair. Janeway seemed to sense the attention and spotted her at the same moment. Seven had stepped forward, mouth open as if to speak, heart pounding in anticipation. But Janeway had simply lifted her hand in a silent wave, and moments later, she disappeared in the transport. The empty space left behind caused an ache so deep Seven felt as though she'd been physically struck.
But today… Today was different.
Five years had gone by since Voyager’s return. Seven had grown and matured during that time. But one thing had not altered: her devotion to Kathryn Janeway. And now was the time that she would set her plan in motion. She would woo her former Captain. And she would win her heart, even at the expense of her own dignity.
The plan was to commence in a few short hours. It was simple. Arrive at Starfleet Headquarters. Schedule a lunch with Admiral Paris. Coordinate with Ensign Briggs to be certain that Admiral Janeway would also be present. They would see one another. Exactly four days later, Seven would arrive at Janeway’s office with a sincere request.
And then, everything would change.
---
Kathryn stared out the window at the Bay, watching the fog roll in as it did most evenings. She was distracted by the mist more than usual tonight; the chill of the cool, gray blanket reminded her of her luncheon at the Officer’s Club the other day.
Even now, after so long, she couldn’t fight the memory of seeing Seven for the first time in almost three years.
Her hair was similar, but softer, somehow. Gentle curls fell from her uptwisted hair, framing her face in the loveliest way. That visage was as familiar to Kathryn as her own, but there was a humor in Seven’s smile, an ease to her gestures that had unnerved Kathryn. She looked wise. No longer an innocent. But her eyes were as curious and questioning as before. Their pale blue depths had gripped Kathryn until Admiral Paris had called her name a second time, shaking her from the trance she’d fallen into at the dining table. It was embarrassing, but she couldn’t fault herself. Seven was, as she had always been, a vision. Perhaps more than ever. Kathryn hadn’t realized how she’d longed to see her friend again until it had happened; her heart had constricted in her chest at first sight. And when Seven held out her hand in uncertain greeting, Kathryn had been struck by its warmth and softness. The pressure had been faint, but Seven held on for a few seconds longer than proper.
Repeatedly hearing the name “Annika” struck her as odd, but Seven’s lunch companions and Admiral Paris all referred to her by that designation. Kathryn herself had tried it out, and she’d seen the strange frown cross Seven’s brow at her awkwardness. It was uncomfortable; Kathryn just couldn’t think of her Seven by any other name.
At that, she shook off the idea of Seven being “hers.” Seven was her own woman, and that was the end of it. They would not likely see each other again for a long time, and it was a relief to Kathryn. The tension that had sprung up between her shoulder blades had been absent for many years, but it was back now with a vengeance.
Time had done nothing but enhance Seven's beauty. Though her loose, flowing pants and blouse had been the distinct opposite of her form-fitting Borg biosuits, Kathryn got the impression that the young woman was in the peak of health. She wondered if she’d had any other implants removed, but dismissed the thought. She didn’t want to consider Seven’s implants, or the supple skin under Seven’s clothing, any more than she already had.
Thinking about those generous curves spurred a twinge of disappointment that she hadn’t held herself up to the kind of physical standards she used to on Voyager. But a desk job was a far cry from life on a starship. Gone were the days when she could spend hours playing Velocity, or climbing mountains, or running through the Indiana fields on the holodeck. She was lucky to get 30 minutes of jogging in a few times a week nowadays. Not to mention the fact that, well, she felt lazy. It was so hard to stay motivated.
Kathryn rolled her shoulders, trying to shake the kinks out of her back. Turning back to her desk, she was surprised to see Elan at her door. “Admiral, you have a visitor.”
She sighed. “I only have a second-I’m supposed to meet Phoebe for dinner.”
An imposing presence loomed behind her assistant, stepping into the doorway. “I will only take five minutes of your time, Admiral,” Seven said.
Kathryn blinked. “Seven, er, Annika, please come in.” She swallowed against a suddenly dry mouth. “Thank you, Elan. Can you let me know when Phoebe arrives?”
“Of course, Admiral,” Elan said, disappearing back into her office as Seven moved inside.
Taking a deep, quiet breath, Kathryn stood and waved Seven to sit down. “What can I do for you, Annika?"
With a small crinkle between her brows, Seven replied, "First, may I ask that you call me 'Seven'?" Gracefully, the taller woman sat in the chair in front of Kathryn's desk. She wore a fitted TPG uniform, without a hair out of place.
"Of course, Seven. I just thought that since everyone else called you Annika, I should follow their lead."
Seven's placid face broke into a sly grin. "Have you become a follower, Admiral?"
Kathryn grinned back. "Only when the brass is paying attention," she replied. But she still wondered about the name. "Is there any reason--"
"I just prefer it," Seven said simply.
"Of course." She would dig no further. Leaning back, she said, "What's on your mind?"
"I--I have a special request, Admiral. I don't quite know how to ask."
That was new. Seven had never been one to mince words. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes, but, no. I--this is difficult, Admiral. I do not often ask for favors, especially from one who has sacrificed so much for me already."
Kathryn softened. It was strange to see Seven vulnerable. "Don't be afraid Seven. Just ask."
With a deep breath, Seven straightened her shoulders. "I would like to ask you to accompany me on a trip."
Kathryn blinked. "A trip." She didn't quite know what to say. "With you."
"Yes."
"When?"
"Tomorrow."
Immediately, Kathryn rejected the notion, but she felt that old pull nonetheless. The yearning had slept soundly for many years, and now was not the time to let it out of hibernation. "I'm afraid not, Seven. I'm simply unable to get away--"
"But it is essential for you to accompany me. Without you there will be no reason for the journey. And I cannot achieve my goal unless you attend."
"Goal?" Kathryn scratched at her neck nervously.
"There are… issues that prevent me from moving forward with my life, with my exploration of humanity. I must resolve them, and you are necessary to assist me in my mission."
"Me?"
"Yes."
Kathryn was almost afraid to ask. "What sort of… issues?"
Seven's face became blank. "They are maternal in nature."
Her stomach sank like a stone. "Oh," she said, the sound leaving her throat in a whoosh. "Of course."
Well, that was that.
---
Seven watched the light go out of the Captain's eyes. Kathryn had always had a stellar poker face when it came to duty, but in more personal matters, she could be transparent if caught at the right moment. Seven was proud that she'd worded her statement in just the right way.
She almost felt badly for misleading the Captain, but she pushed that sensation away. If she was perfectly honest, the issues standing between Seven moving forward with her life were maternal in nature. But the issues weren't her own. They were Kathryn's.
She knew Kathryn cared deeply for her, or she had at one time. This was her chance to find out if the fire still burned between them as it had years ago. If only Seven had known what her feelings had truly meant then! But she quickly set that thought aside; Counselor Abatha was right. It wasn't helpful to regret the past now--she had been so young, so unknowing. A handful of years out of a Borg cube was not enough time to grasp the complexities of humanity, and especially the uncertainties of the heart. Now Seven realized she would never understand it all, but this was one arena she was determined to explore more fully. And she had years of personal examination and introspection on her side, unlike Kathryn. Seven assumed her former Captain had continued on through life as she used to: barreling forward, ignoring her own feelings, doing what was best for others. A most unattractive martyr complex, Seven thought. It was high time someone dismantle it.
"Does that surprise you?" Seven asked, waiting for Kathryn to respond.
Kathryn waved an elegant hand. "No, no," she said. "It's just… It's been a long time since we've seen one another. What's brought this on?"
"I have been attending counseling sessions for some time with Counselor Abatha on Utopia Planetia. Things have progressed well, but I find that I am blocked in some ways regarding my feelings for you." Careful, Seven thought. Don't go too far. "I believe there are things that I would like to discuss with you at length about our past together, during what I consider an accelerated adolescence. Counselor Abatha believes that spending time with you may help me see certain events in a different light. Though she did not advise a trip, I felt it would be advantageous if we were both removed from our current circumstances. We would not be distracted by our lives, and it may accelerate my 'process.'"
Kathryn tilted her head. Seven believed she was, as Troi had once put it, 'beginning to cave.' "I'm not sure… what sort of trip would this be?"
This was the other tough sell. Would she suspect something? Seven put her fears aside and said, "Sailing."
Kathryn's eyebrows flew up. "Sailing? God, Seven, I haven't been on a boat in years."
"But you once said how much you loved it. You promised to take me sailing, do you remember?" Seven recalled the moment Kathryn had said the words--they remained etched in her memory. Kathryn had been quiet as they’d sat in the Da Vinci studio, not long after her multiple personality incident. Seven had been sketching in the silence, and she'd sensed the Captain watching her. Minutes passed, and suddenly the Captain had offered, 'Would you come sailing with me, Seven?'
'Now, Captain?'
The captain's gentle chuckle had raised the hairs on the back of Seven's neck. 'No, when we get back to Earth. I think you might enjoy it.'
'Do you enjoy sailing, Captain?'
'Oh, I love it… The wind in your hair, the water on your face as the waves crash against the hull--it's almost as thrilling as taking a ship out of drydock for the first time. It's exhilarating. Makes you feel alive.'
Seven had nodded. 'I will accompany you.'
Kathryn's smile had been wide and affectionate. It had stolen Seven's breath.
Watching that same face gaze at her now so uncertainly, Seven wondered if Kathryn recalled that she had never truly promised to take her sailing.
"I do remember something about it," Kathryn finally said, looking vaguely over Seven's shoulder.
Seven kept her mouth still, fighting the urge to glory in her triumph.
"Admiral, I believe this endeavor will allow me to embrace my humanity. And… I need your help." Seven knew she was manipulating Janeway, but at this stage, she had no choice. Anything to get her on that ship, away from her Starfleet routine. Anything to awaken Janeway to the truth of her heart. She allowed the desperation to come through her voice in her entreaty. "Please." She felt tears gather in her eyes, knowing this was her last chance. As much as she was putting on an act, her need to be with Kathryn was as strong as ever.
Moments passed, and Kathryn steepled her fingers together. With a great sigh, she replied, "All right."
Seven swallowed and looked down at the floor. She was overwhelmed with relief, and anticipation for the future. It was going to happen. Wasn't it?
---
"You're what?" Phoebe's fork stopped on the way to her mouth.
"I'm going away for a while," Kathryn said, hesitant to tell her sister the whole story.
"Says the woman who hasn't taken a vacation since who knows when. What, you lasted two weeks in Indiana after Voyager came home. What brought this on?"
Kathryn fidgeted in her seat, picking at the salad on her plate. "Just thought now was a good time."
Phoebe's eyes narrowed. "Okay, little sister, what the hell is up? I can see it in your face. There's more to this story, and you'd better spill. Otherwise I'm going to continue to harangue you incessantly until you confess."
"Well you won't have long to badger me, I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Tomorrow! You'll miss the Harvest Festival! Mom is going to blow a gasket!"
"She'll survive. This is… important."
An eyebrow, not unlike Kathryn's own, lifted in suspicion. "Is this about a man? Are you going off on a dirty weekend?"
Kathryn's throat closed momentarily. "No, for your information. It's not about a man at all."
Phoebe looked at her plaintively. "Come on, Katie. It's me. If it's so important, why can't you share?"
Though her mind was set firmly against saying a word, Kathryn found herself considering otherwise. Her meeting with Seven had awakened confusion long buried; perhaps it would be best to discuss things with her sister. "It's--it's Seven. She wants me to go away with her."
The fork finally dropped from Phoebe's hand and clattered noisily on the plate. "Seven of Nine--" she lowered her voice in the restaurant so as not to attract more attention. "Seven asked you to go away with her? It's a fucking miracle!"
“Stop it Phoebe, it’s not like that.”
“Not like what? You’re going on a trip with the most beautiful woman either of us has ever seen… It had better be like that.”
Kathryn shoved down her annoyance. “Seven has some issues to work out. Issues that have nothing to do with romance. She’s never felt that way about me, and I don’t feel that way about her either. I’m like--” Kathryn stumbled over the words-“a mother to her.”
“Bullshit, Katie, and you know it. You’ve always carried a torch for the girl.”
“She’s not a girl anymore, Phoeb. She’s nearly 34, and I’m sure she has her romantic life well in hand. She told me herself that she needs me to attend this trip because of… maternal issues.”
“I repeat: bullshit. I saw the way she looked at you on that first anniversary of your return. She looked like a lovesick puppy, and you barely glanced in her direction."
“She had just broken it off with Chakotay--”
“To be with you!”
“How would you know?” Kathryn spat. “And lower your voice. I don’t need the entire universe to hear this conversation.”
“She left Chakotay, Katie. She sought you out, and for some inane reason which I can’t recall, you avoided her. What were you worried about, that she’d seduce you away from your precious admiralty?”
That brought Kathryn up short. “That’s low, Phoebe. I have only ever wanted Seven to be happy. And I am not the person that can make that happen. I’m the only parental figure she’s ever had. I was her mentor for four years. It’s unacceptable to turn that into something lurid. I won’t do it. She means too much to me.”
“So you admit you care.”
“Of course I care!” Kathryn stabbed a slice of cucumber. “I wouldn’t have agreed to go if I didn’t.”
Phoebe frowned. “Katie, I can’t bear to see you like this. What are you doing?”
“I’m perfectly fine.”
“You still love her--”
“I never said anything about love--”
“Which is why you’ve been alone all this time. Wasn’t seven years of solitude on Voyager enough? You’ve been back for an age! ”
“It hasn’t been that long. What about that sculptor from Venice?”
“That lasted two weeks. And don’t tell me you even considered anything significant with him. He was gorgeous, he was sweet, but he was vapid as anything. It doesn’t count.”
“And the ambassador from Trill--”
“Come on, Katie. He could see right through you. He didn’t need to have lived ten lifetimes to see your heart wasn’t in it.”
That deflated Kathryn. She knew Phoebe was right, but she refused to admit it aloud. It was too private, too devastating. She had loved Seven for so long that every subsequent attempt at a relationship felt like a failure. No one had ever moved her the way Seven did, and she worried no one ever would. Angry tears stung her eyes and Kathryn closed them, defeated.
A hand rested upon hers gently. “Oh, Katie, I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know what else to do. I have to go. Seven needs me.” She sniffed, swallowing against the tears. “Can you talk to Mom? I doubt I could explain properly.”
“Absolutely,” Phoebe replied. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll make up something or other, and she’ll be fine. She’ll probably be relieved you’re taking some time for yourself.” Her sister leaned back as the server refilled their glasses. “How long will you be gone?”
Kathryn looked at the plate of food she’d barely touched. “A week.”
“Where to?”
“We’ll be on a sailboat leaving from Darling Harbour in Sydney tomorrow afternoon.”
Phoebe blinked slowly. “Is it some sort of cruise?”
“Seven said it was a racing vessel. I think I’ll have to brush up on my tacking skills pretty fast.”
The look of confusion on Phoebe’s face was comical. “You’re working on a sailboat as a vacation?”
“Don’t ask me. Seven chose it. She had everything already arranged.”
“Wait, are you sleeping on the boat?”
Kathryn nodded. “Below decks.”
“And sailing the ship to-where?”
Kathryn tried to eat more of her salad, but her stomach wasn’t much interested in food at the moment. “I don’t know the destination. Maybe nowhere. The whole thing is bizarre, but no more bizarre than Seven asking me to go away with her.” She pushed her plate away. “To tell you the truth, Phoeb, I think I was so stunned to see her again that I agreed. She seemed desperate-I’ve mistreated her badly. I should have been there for her.”
Phoebe nodded, but added, “It’s a two-way street, you know. She could have reached out as well.”
“I guess.”
Phoebe took a long drink of iced tea. When she set her glass down, she said, “Who knows, maybe it’ll be fun. Right?”
Kathryn let out a huff of uncertain laughter. “Right. Fun.”
Phoebe reached out again and gripped Kathryn’s hand forcefully. “Just do me a favor… Don’t get in too deep if you don't think you can dig yourself out, okay?”
Kathryn nodded, but she feared it was already too late.
---
Seven rang the chime and waited patiently. Only a few seconds passed before the door slid open, and a smiling face greeted her. “Seven, sweetheart, come on in!” Seven stepped into the arms of Beverly Crusher, who hugged her firmly. “How did it go?” she asked softly, her face serious as she looked into Seven's eyes.
With a deep breath, Seven replied, “She has agreed.”
“Hallelujah!” Beverly crowed, clapping her hands together. “Did you hear that, darling?”
Jean-Luc Picard stepped into the room carrying, of all things, a casserole dish. “I assume things are going according to plan?” he asked.
“Yep,” Beverly said, taking Seven’s arm and leading her to the table. “Sit. I’m sure you’re starving and we want to hear the whole story right this second.” With that, Beverly practically pushed her into a seat at the head of the table. She leaned over the table and scooped a serving of lasagna onto Seven’s plate as Jean-Luc poured her a generous glass of red.
Seven gazed up at the couple and watched them fuss over her, unable to contain the rush of warmth at their attention. She hardly knew where to begin. “It went very much as I expected it to.”
Beverly sat down as Jean-Luc poured her some wine as well. “Did you have to pull out the big guns?”
“Not quite… I asked, and she accepted.”
Jean-Luc looked surprised. “It was that simple?”
Seven lifted her shoulders. “I said please.”
Beverly nodded knowingly. “She cares about you, Seven. This is going to be an amazing trip for both of you.”
“That is my hope.”
"So, now what?" Jean-Luc asked.
"We leave the harbor tomorrow at 1600 hours, the trip officially lasting one week. But I've booked the charter for two, in case things go… well."
"Sneaky," Beverly said approvingly. "And you have a whole crew who will be doing the bulk of the work?"
"Yes, though Kathryn doesn't know that. I told her I found a trip that seemed suitable for the two of us, but I've scheduled everything out specifically to engage both her strengths and weaknesses. Strengths include her exceptional work ethic, her ability to adapt to any circumstance and her expertise in sailing and navigation. Weaknesses include her inability to put herself first, an unhealthy obsession with duty and an unwillingness to dedicate time for pleasure."
"Spoken like a woman who knows what being a decorated Starfleet officer is all about," Beverly said.
"I do. In observing Kathryn from afar, I’ve noticed that her routine is static. She lacks the excitement and uncertainty that accompanied our time on Voyager. Her current status affords unexceptional mental or physical stimulation, and even in her off hours she participates in only the occasional game of tennis or a jog in the Presidio. I do not believe she even attempts to create art any longer, which is…a great tragedy."
"I didn't realize Janeway was such a good artist," Jean-Luc asked.
Seven smiled sadly. "She is not. But she felt immense joy in its creation."
Beverly reached out and covered Seven's hand. "It must be difficult for you to see her that way."
"Yes," Seven whispered. "She is, as they say, 'a shadow of her former self.'"
Jean-Luc nodded. "She's at the top of the ladder in Starfleet, but anything after Voyager's journey most certainly pales in comparison. To be honest I was surprised she accepted the promotion. Most captains don't know what they're getting themselves into when they accept an admiralty; giving up a ship is probably the hardest thing any of us ever do."
"Unless they're ready," Beverly added. "You were."
"I'm nearly twenty years older," Jean-Luc replied. "And married. Not to mention the fact that my wife has her own captaincy. I have plenty of excitement in that regard."
"Agreed," Seven replied. "I can only hope that my 'plan' will awaken her to possibilities."
"Among other things," Beverly added seductively.
Seven smiled shyly as Picard scoffed at the idea. "Beverly, Seven’s like a daughter to us. I don't want to think about the romantic element of this vacation."
"Don't be such a prude, darling. Even daughters need love in their lives." She looked appreciatively at the younger woman, her affection visible. "Especially you, Seven. You've been such a gift to the both of us. You keep us young."
"You and the wine," Picard added.
Seven and Beverly both laughed. "How is the vineyard, Jean-Luc?" Seven asked.
"Excellent. Marie just sent over a case of 2381 burgundy and it's far better than I expected."
"Will you have another tasting soon?"
"I think so-how about after the farm's next olive pressing?" Jean-Luc asked. Seven nodded in agreement. "Perhaps this time you'll bring someone who can appreciate a good red."
Beverly chuckled. "I'll drink to that."
Seven raised her own glass to meet Beverly's. "What else should we drink to?" she asked.
Picard smiled. "A great adventure."
Their glasses clinked together.
---
Kathryn's heart raced as she walked down the wooden slats toward the pier. The sun shone brightly, and the wind was crisp but warm as it blew across the water. Darling Harbour was crowded with tourists enjoying the weather, but Kathryn's nerves were getting the better of her. 'It's only Seven… We used to spend every day together. Today will be no different.'
And then she saw Seven, standing at the end of the pier, waiting for her.
'Oh boy,' Kathryn thought.
Her sailing companion was tall and lean, wearing a pair of cropped pants and boat shoes. Her shirt was the most adorably faux-sailor that Kathryn had ever seen, with a wide neck and blue and white horizontal stripes. But the kicker was Seven's hair, which was down and out of its trademark twist for a change. Seven had grown it past her shoulders, and the blonde waves caught the sun. Seven looked youthful and happy, but as Kathryn moved closer, she could see apprehension edging her smile.
Kathryn’s stomach rolled in anticipation, but she lifted a hand and waved weakly. Was she blushing? "Hi, Seven."
"Admiral, I am glad you have made it." Kathryn could see her swallow. "I wondered if you might… change your mind."
Kathryn shook her head, though she'd thought about it all night long as she'd packed and unpacked her bag. "Of course not, Seven. I'm looking forward to it." She was in front of Seven by now, and felt an urge to hold out her hand in greeting. In fact, her arm was already doing so, and Seven glanced down and met it with her own hand. But Seven didn't stop there, moving forward and wrapping her other arm around Kathryn in a half-hug. Almost against her will, Kathryn did the same, her nose dangerously close to Seven's warm, sweet-smelling neck. Her eyes slid shut as she inhaled.
Uncertain, Kathryn slowly moved out of the embrace and looked up. "Ready?" she asked, voice sandpapery as she spoke.
"Yes, Admiral."
The title sounded curious coming out of Seven's mouth. "Seven, would you call me Kathryn? It’s been a long time--you’re no longer under my command."
"It would be my honor, Kathryn," Seven replied. She took the bag from Kathryn’s hand without asking, hefting the duffel over her shoulder. “This way.”
Seven stepped up the gangplank and Kathryn followed closely. The schooner was gorgeous, masts standing tall against a clear sky. “How large is the ship?” she asked.
“She’s 76 feet in length, and can carry up to 20 passengers, but we will only have 12 for our journey. There are five sails, but also an engine that will assist us as we depart the harbor.” A man clearly identifiable as the captain of the ship was standing at the stern, apparently waiting for them. “This is Captain Josiah Randall. He will be leading the crew on our voyage.”
Kathryn held out her hand. “It’s a pleasure, Captain. You have an amazing vessel here.”
“We like it,” the captain replied, tipping his hat. “It’s a pleasure to have you both aboard. I can still recall the day Voyager returned home; my daughter is going to blow a gasket when she finds out we’ve had Captain Janeway and Annika Hansen on the water. Think you’d mind giving out some autographs for her?”
Kathryn smiled, on familiar ground. “Absolutely,” she answered. “Seven?”
“Of course,” she stated, and Kathryn recognized the pride in her voice.
“Okay then. Come on, I’ll show you to your quarters and give you the five-cent tour,” the Captain said amiably. Kathryn assessed his age to be around 50, his skin tanned and his body fit. She liked his old-fashioned terminology; it made her feel like she was stepping back in time. The other crew members nodded in acknowledgment as she and Seven went below the main deck into the crew quarters. They seemed to be separated into small pods of three and four beds to each tiny room. The guest quarters were well-appointed, Kathryn was happy to see. But she was surprised at the two bunks in the room Randall showed her. “Here you go. The head’s just around the corner; you two will share. There are two more heads down the hall, in case you have an emergency.” Randall glanced at Kathryn. “You get seasick?” he asked, concerned.
Kathryn couldn’t help but laugh. “No. Not yet at least.”
“Good. We’re always well stocked with hyposprays but I like to be prepared. Speaking of that, we have some cursory medical equipment on board, but we always keep a line open to the nearest transporter in case anything goes wrong. We’ll also be warned well in advance in case of inclement weather.” Randall continued to lead them around the bowels of the ship, stepping into the kitchen. “Here’s the galley; Annika said you could both help out with a couple of meals, but we’re covering breakfast and lunch most of the time. It’s nice to have our guests assist now and then-gives the crew a break, you know?”
Kathryn wondered what the hell she’d gotten into. Sharing quarters with Seven, including a bathroom. Now, apparently she’d be cooking for 12 once or twice. Wasn’t this supposed to be a vacation? And more importantly, where could she find a replicator to make her morning coffee? God help them all if she had to stand in line for a cup.
Josiah climbed the ladder up to the deck, with Seven next. As Kathryn watched slim hips ascend before her, she allowed herself the momentary distraction. She deserved it if this was the kind of trip her former protégé had chosen with her in mind.
“Annika here tells me that you’ve got some sailing experience,” Josiah said.
“Yes, but nothing of this stature. I’ve done most of my sailing on lakes in much smaller vessels.”
Josiah waved a hand. “Good. You’ll be fine. It’s the same concept. Derek over there, my first mate, will give you the rundown. You have questions, ask. If anything seems out of your league, say the word and we’ll give you a hand.”
“Thanks,” Kathryn said, running a hand through her hair. She was feeling out of her league already and they hadn’t even left port.
“We’re doing a sunset cruise tonight-you two can take it easy,” Randall said. But tomorrow, reveille’s at oh-530. We have a lot of ground to cover and the wind picks up bright and early. That okay with you, Admiral?”
“Sure,” Kathryn said, thinking again about coffee. She should have brought her own stash.
“We will be prepared,” Seven added.
“Captain,” Kathryn began, “are Seven and I the only… passengers you’ll have on board? It’s quite a large boat for only two guests.”
Randall met Seven’s eyes and shrugged. “We had a couple of cancellations last minute, but we’re going out on the water regardless. We’re paid whether we carry two or twenty passengers, so it’s okay with us. We do some marine research for the Sydney Aquarium in Cockle Bay. These trips are a little nicer with a small group. We have a tight knit crew, but with two such decorated officers as yourselves, you’ll fit right in for sure.”
Confused at the odd arrangement, Kathryn wondered what was really going on. But Seven seemed unconcerned, so that would have to be enough.
She followed her bunkmate back down the steps into their room. It was at least large enough that they wouldn’t be stepping all over each other. The portholes looked out onto the city, and Kathryn could tell the sun was beginning to slip lower in the sky.
Seven set both bags down and assessed the room. “It is adequate for our purposes,” she said, her eyebrow raised. “Would you agree?”
“Sure,” Kathryn said. “I can’t say I’m looking forward to 0530 tomorrow, though. It’s been a while since I’ve been on that schedule.”
“If you are unable to awaken at that time, I can speak to the Captain--”
“No, no, it will be good for my discipline.” Kathryn sat on her bunk, gazing thoughtfully at Seven. “What on earth made you decide on a trip like this?”
Seven frowned. “I thought… that you would enjoy it.” She looked pained, a tiny line appearing between her brows. “Have I misjudged?”
Kathryn couldn’t help but smile. “Of course not, Seven. It’s just not what I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
That brought Kathryn up short. “I-I can’t really say,” she answered honestly.
“Please, Captain,” Seven said, slipping for the first time in using Kathryn’s former rank. It was a telling mistake. “If you wish to end this excursion--”
“Seven, stop,” Kathryn said quickly, putting a hand up. “I have every intention of enjoying myself, and besides, we have a greater purpose here than just fun. I’m here to help you, and if that means waking up at 5:30am to swab the deck, I’ll do it.”
A wry grin erased Seven’s frown. “Swab the deck?”
“Yep.”
“Then it is decided. We stay.”
“Good.”
---
Kathryn quickly unpacked her few things as Seven watched surreptitiously, folding and unfolding a single pair of cotton pants into a drawer. She was doing her best to mask her anxiety, but it was strange to be in such close quarters with her Captain. Especially since time had been very kind to Kathryn Janeway.
She guessed the Admiral had gained a few pounds since the last months of Voyager, which Seven approved of. Kathryn had been so wiry then, it almost seemed as though she would break if the ship’s inertial dampeners went off line momentarily. Now she appeared softer, her curves enhanced. But her cheekbones were as sharp as ever, and those eyes-they captured Seven at every turn. Even her smoky voice was a shock to Seven’s system. Going five years without hearing it every day had allowed her to forget the seductive tones, and she was making up for lost time by listening intently to every word.
As she stood with her back to Janeway, Seven grew distracted by her perfume; suddenly she recognized the scent of the flowers in her Aunt Irene’s garden in the south of France. She would have to tell Kathryn about Irene, and the three cousins she’d become close with over the years. She knew it would be reassuring to Kathryn that she was no longer so isolated.
“Seven?” Kathryn said, and Seven turned to her.
“Yes?”
“Looks like you were in another world. I called your name twice.”
Seven felt her cheeks heat in a blush. “I apologize. I was thinking.”
“Deep thoughts?” Kathryn said with a smile.
Seven decided to share. “Of my cousins, and the last trip I took to France to visit them."
"Cousins?" Kathryn lit up. "Tell me about them."
Kathryn's interest in her life had always pleased her. It made her feel cared for, and important. Hearing the curiosity in Kathryn's voice made it seem as though their time apart them had been erased overnight. "Come upstairs. We're leaving the harbor shortly and I don't want to miss it."
Obligingly, Kathryn stood and followed her to the bow of the ship. The waves were gentle, the breeze brisk and warmed by the sun. They stood together, close but not touching, arms resting against the ship's railing. Seven breathed in the salty air and felt a contentment settle over her. This is where we are meant to be, Seven thought. Together. She glanced over at Kathryn's face in profile, shadow and sun shading her features in a way that made Seven's stomach clench in longing. What would Kathryn do if she simply reached out and touched her? Before she could stop herself, Seven lifted a hand and tucked an wayward strand of hair behind Kathryn's ear. The Admiral started slightly, turning toward Seven as she fleetingly caressed the skin of her cheek. It was soft, like silk, and warm.
Kathryn blinked as though she'd just woken from a nap. Before Seven could get swept away in the blue grey sea of her eyes, she turned back to look at the skyline. "My cousins are Magnus, Sven and Juliette. They live in Aix-en-Provence, near my Aunt Irene."
"Irene, of course," Kathryn said. "I'd wondered if you'd stayed in contact…" she trailed off.
"Juliette is an artist, a painter, and Sven and Magnus took over the farm just a few years ago when Irene retired. They grow olives."
"Really?" Kathryn looked surprised.
"They manufacture some of the best olive oil in France. I brought a bottle with me, in case you'd like to try it."
"Wonderful," Kathryn said. "That's wonderful, Seven. I can't tell you how pleased I am to know that you've found family. What are they like?"
Seven looked down at the water. "Kind. Welcoming. It was difficult at first, as you might imagine. I only got to know them after my association with Commander Chakotay ended." At this, Seven stole a quick glance at Janeway, noting the pained expression she wore for a moment. "I felt isolated. My work at with the Propulsion Group was fulfilling, but I was…lonely. I had made few friends, and felt somewhat hopeless for the future. Irene had contacted me earlier, but refused to push, afraid to scare me away. So, directly after the first anniversary of Voyager's return, I visited."
Seven felt the ship lurch beneath her feet, and suddenly the old-fashioned engine at the stern of the boat roared to life. Captain Randall gave them a wave, and they began to move out into open water. Seven looked at Kathryn, who smiled encouragingly. "It was overwhelming. Juliette and I look quite similar, despite our genetic inconsistencies. And the family seemed to like me right away, which was a new experience. They laughed at my attempts at humor, and accepted my gestures of friendship with pleasure. I had expected… something else."
"For them to react the way many of the Voyager crew did, you mean?"
Seven tilted her head in agreement. "Perhaps. It was unusual, especially after my Starfleet briefings. But I found myself cared for very quickly. You are the only other human in my past who believed in me from the beginning. Because of that, they reminded me of you."
Kathryn didn't seem to know what to say, so Seven continued, filling in the awkward pause. "The farm is lovely, and it's been in the family over three hundred years. I am now an expert at traditional oil extraction."
"No doubt," Kathryn grinned.
"I attended last year’s harvest. It was… exceptional.” Seven recalled the days clearly, having enjoyed them from start to finish. That period was one of the highlights of her life, if she was honest with herself. Never before had she felt so embraced, even on Voyager. “I hope to attend again this year.”
“I have to tell you, Seven, that assuages some of my guilt. I know it’s selfish, but it eases my mind tremendously to know you’ve become so attached to family.” Seven could tell she was going to say more, so she waited. “It was only being in the Delta quadrant that made me appreciate my own family. Phoebe and my mother were such a comfort when we returned. They’re both so steady. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
“A comfort?”
Kathryn swallowed, her eyes drifting over the horizon as the harbor grew smaller and smaller. “Things became… complicated for me soon after we came home.”
Seven wondered how much she could draw from Kathryn now, so early in their journey. “For me too, Kathryn.”
Kathryn finally met her gaze. “Looking back, I recognize so many mistakes I made. I should have kept in touch. I--” Her mouth trembled. “Everything was so confusing… I didn’t handle things well.” She looked disgusted with herself. “I spent seven years trying to get the crew home, and the second we arrived I fell apart.”
This was new information to Seven. She had never seen Kathryn Janeway fall apart, even in the face of the gravest danger. What could have happened? "Will you tell me?"
---
Seven's eyes were curious and soft as the sun set along the horizon. Kathryn felt compelled to open up, despite her fears. She owed the woman that much. "I stayed focused on the briefings for the first month… God knows I hadn't time for much else. But when those ended, I started thinking of everything we'd gone through with the other Admiral Janeway, and the future we'd narrowly avoided." Kathryn closed her eyes, recalling the terrible fear she'd been struck with by the Admiral's version of events. "Although we'd lost crew in the past, the thought of losing--" 'You,' her mind said, but the word stuck in her throat. Could she say it now? What was the worst that could happen? She took a breath. "Losing you," she managed, "was unacceptable to me."
Seven stared back at her, unblinking. Her eyes were damp.
"And to hear of Tuvok, and Chakotay, and to know how bitter I'd become in that other universe. Imagine, Seven, after a lifetime of service, I deliberately went against everything I'd ever stood for by going back in time to help myself. What state of mind must I have been in to get to that point?" Kathryn had agonized for months about the Admiral's quandary. Had Seven's loss destroyed her so completely? She believed it had. "Regardless, I felt that after everything the admiral had been through, I owed it to you, and to Chakotay, to allow your relationship with him to flourish. I think I--I'd have tried to influence your behavior had I stayed in contact."
"You cut off communication so I would play out my supposed 'destiny' by becoming Chakotay's wife?" Seven asked, a frisson of anger tinting her words.
Kathryn swallowed. "I believed it was the right thing to do."
There was a long pause. "You were in error," Seven finally said.
"I know that now," she replied. "I'm sorry."
Seven sighed deeply. The sun was gone, the sky the most glorious shade of purple, but Kathryn found it hard to appreciate. She was waiting for Seven to respond, but long minutes passed before she said a word. Finally, she said, "Although I am angry, I accept your apology. I believe I understand your point of view, but Kathryn, I doubt you will ever know the depth of the loss I felt when you abandoned me."
Tears sprang to Kathryn's eyes. The vulnerability on Seven's face stung her. "I would never abandon you, Seven."
"But you did," Seven said.
"Not in my heart," Kathryn said.
Seven nodded. She turned back to the sky and looked down at the water, waves lapping softly against the hull of the ship.
Kathryn thought back to that time, just after Voyager's return. Five years later the sting of Seven's relationship with Chakotay was still fresh; she felt betrayed on so many levels. Janeway had lost her trust in Chakotay since their run-in with the Equinox, and he in turn no longer looked to her for approval. For anything.
When Admiral Janeway had arrived on board Voyager, Kathryn had done her damndest to set aside her own desires, some more successfully than others. If Seven wanted to marry Chakotay, she wouldn't stand in her way. And to survive, Kathryn knew there was only one solution: to remove herself from the equation.
The first year had been difficult. She'd spent time with B'Elanna and Tom, tending to Miral when she could, and visited with Harry and his family frequently. Monthly visits to Vulcan were on her schedule, and she even stayed with Reg Barclay when the spirit moved her. While seeing Seven was off limits, that didn't mean her former crewmembers didn't deliver news of her burgeoning relationship with Chakotay. To all who knew them, everything seemed fine; they believed that the pair would eventually cement their bond in matrimony.
Until it ended.
Kathryn had always wondered what had happened. Perhaps now was as good a time as any to ask. "Seven… What happened between you and Chakotay?"
Seven jerked, startled by the query.
"You don't have to tell me. I just… I was curious. Everyone said they were sure you would stay together."
Seven glanced over, the purple of the sunset casting shadows over the planes of her face. "Everyone?"
Kathryn shrugged. "The senior staff. I… heard things."
"Though you refused to see me, you kept track of me?"
Might as well admit it, Katie. "I did."
Seven looked down. "I should have known," she said. She closed her eyes against whatever emotion seemed to be running through her. "Appearances can be deceptive, as I'm sure you know, Kathryn. Shortly before our one year anniversary, I realized that I did not love Chakotay."
Blinking in the dimming light, Kathryn said, "Okay?"
"He did not love me either," Seven said simply. "He loved the idea of being with me, and that we made an attractive couple. He was considered the toast of the town, you know, for taming a Borg." Seven smirked. "He was a fool, but no more than I."
"A fool to believe that he could ever tame you," Kathryn said, smiling.
Seven smiled in return. "Near the end we began to argue, and he became more belligerent and difficult. One evening we came to an understanding, and terminated our association. It was my first 'break-up.' From all I had read of such events, I expected to plunge into a depression, but I did not. My greatest emotion at the time was relief. We were… incompatible."
"I was surprised when I heard the news."
"You believed we would marry."
"Yes," Kathryn said quietly, still affected by the thought.
"You know as well as I do that the timeline changed the moment the Admiral set foot on Voyager. And there’s no way to know anything about either of us from the other timeline. All the Admiral said was that I was married, and that I died. If I imagine being married to Chakotay on Voyager, it’s hard to believe I would have been satisfied with the relationship."
Kathryn couldn't stop her sharp intake of breath. Her mind refused to process the thought. The idea hadn't occurred to her that Seven had been anything other than deeply in love with Chakotay. Of course Seven would have been happy… She would never have put up with a dysfunctional relationship, nor would Kathryn have had she been present.
Right?
"I hadn't thought of that," Kathryn replied slowly.
With a nod, Seven said, "You interpreted events in a way specific to your experience and understanding. But I believe Admiral Janeway explained just enough to convince you to participate in her plan. I have little doubt that there was more to the story than the details she shared with you."
The weight of the thoughts spinning through her brain was profound. Was Seven correct? Kathryn looked out once more onto the vast ocean. It appeared to be a pane of glass, placid and calm. But underneath, mysteries swirled, entire ecosystems living and dying in a universe unknown to her.
She lifted a hand to her temple. She had no way of knowing the truth of the other timeline, and neither did Seven.
"I don't know what to say, Seven," Kathryn finally managed. "You've given me a lot to consider."
The light had faded almost entirely now, the moon high in the sky. "That is all I wanted, Kathryn."
Kathryn looked up at Seven, her face nearly indiscernible in the darkness. The quiet gave the moment an air of intimacy, and Kathryn felt drawn in. A hand landed on her bare arm, and goosebumps rose along her skin. Seven noticed, and asked, "Are you cold? There's a chill in the air."
Kathryn shook her head. She wasn't cold. Not at all.
---
Part II
Author: chilly_flame
Fandom: Voyager
Pairing: J/7
Rating: M
Disclaimer: All the characters included herein are property of Paramount. Alas.
Summary: Seven hasn’t seen Janeway in a few years. But she hasn’t forgotten her, and she has a plan.
Notes: I started this story in November of 2007, and have worked on it on and off ever since. Of course I was distracted by a little fandom called The Devil Wears Prada for most of that time, but I still hoped to one day finish this piece. I finally have, and though it’s a little shorter than I intended, it’s as done as it ever will be. Hopefully J/7 fans are still out there and will find their way to this story.
Thanks so much to Xander, who probably read this thing so many times she’s sick to death of it. (I know I am!) Glad she stuck it out with me.
--
Seven watched the slight woman from a distance. Her hair was down, just brushing her shoulders, its highlights glinting with gold in the afternoon sun. Sweat dotted pale skin as she jogged at a leisurely pace, breath sending puffs of steam into the cool air. Other officers nodded respectfully at her as she passed, but she took no notice, appearing lost in thought. With a few exceptions she looked the same, but much had changed since the last time they'd spoken. Even now, years later, the feelings that had once confused Seven so intensely remained firmly in place.
Seven looked back on that final time she had seen Kathryn, on a transport platform at Utopia Planetia. Seven was departing work for the evening, and even from 100 meters away, she recognized the shock of auburn hair. Janeway seemed to sense the attention and spotted her at the same moment. Seven had stepped forward, mouth open as if to speak, heart pounding in anticipation. But Janeway had simply lifted her hand in a silent wave, and moments later, she disappeared in the transport. The empty space left behind caused an ache so deep Seven felt as though she'd been physically struck.
But today… Today was different.
Five years had gone by since Voyager’s return. Seven had grown and matured during that time. But one thing had not altered: her devotion to Kathryn Janeway. And now was the time that she would set her plan in motion. She would woo her former Captain. And she would win her heart, even at the expense of her own dignity.
The plan was to commence in a few short hours. It was simple. Arrive at Starfleet Headquarters. Schedule a lunch with Admiral Paris. Coordinate with Ensign Briggs to be certain that Admiral Janeway would also be present. They would see one another. Exactly four days later, Seven would arrive at Janeway’s office with a sincere request.
And then, everything would change.
---
Kathryn stared out the window at the Bay, watching the fog roll in as it did most evenings. She was distracted by the mist more than usual tonight; the chill of the cool, gray blanket reminded her of her luncheon at the Officer’s Club the other day.
Even now, after so long, she couldn’t fight the memory of seeing Seven for the first time in almost three years.
Her hair was similar, but softer, somehow. Gentle curls fell from her uptwisted hair, framing her face in the loveliest way. That visage was as familiar to Kathryn as her own, but there was a humor in Seven’s smile, an ease to her gestures that had unnerved Kathryn. She looked wise. No longer an innocent. But her eyes were as curious and questioning as before. Their pale blue depths had gripped Kathryn until Admiral Paris had called her name a second time, shaking her from the trance she’d fallen into at the dining table. It was embarrassing, but she couldn’t fault herself. Seven was, as she had always been, a vision. Perhaps more than ever. Kathryn hadn’t realized how she’d longed to see her friend again until it had happened; her heart had constricted in her chest at first sight. And when Seven held out her hand in uncertain greeting, Kathryn had been struck by its warmth and softness. The pressure had been faint, but Seven held on for a few seconds longer than proper.
Repeatedly hearing the name “Annika” struck her as odd, but Seven’s lunch companions and Admiral Paris all referred to her by that designation. Kathryn herself had tried it out, and she’d seen the strange frown cross Seven’s brow at her awkwardness. It was uncomfortable; Kathryn just couldn’t think of her Seven by any other name.
At that, she shook off the idea of Seven being “hers.” Seven was her own woman, and that was the end of it. They would not likely see each other again for a long time, and it was a relief to Kathryn. The tension that had sprung up between her shoulder blades had been absent for many years, but it was back now with a vengeance.
Time had done nothing but enhance Seven's beauty. Though her loose, flowing pants and blouse had been the distinct opposite of her form-fitting Borg biosuits, Kathryn got the impression that the young woman was in the peak of health. She wondered if she’d had any other implants removed, but dismissed the thought. She didn’t want to consider Seven’s implants, or the supple skin under Seven’s clothing, any more than she already had.
Thinking about those generous curves spurred a twinge of disappointment that she hadn’t held herself up to the kind of physical standards she used to on Voyager. But a desk job was a far cry from life on a starship. Gone were the days when she could spend hours playing Velocity, or climbing mountains, or running through the Indiana fields on the holodeck. She was lucky to get 30 minutes of jogging in a few times a week nowadays. Not to mention the fact that, well, she felt lazy. It was so hard to stay motivated.
Kathryn rolled her shoulders, trying to shake the kinks out of her back. Turning back to her desk, she was surprised to see Elan at her door. “Admiral, you have a visitor.”
She sighed. “I only have a second-I’m supposed to meet Phoebe for dinner.”
An imposing presence loomed behind her assistant, stepping into the doorway. “I will only take five minutes of your time, Admiral,” Seven said.
Kathryn blinked. “Seven, er, Annika, please come in.” She swallowed against a suddenly dry mouth. “Thank you, Elan. Can you let me know when Phoebe arrives?”
“Of course, Admiral,” Elan said, disappearing back into her office as Seven moved inside.
Taking a deep, quiet breath, Kathryn stood and waved Seven to sit down. “What can I do for you, Annika?"
With a small crinkle between her brows, Seven replied, "First, may I ask that you call me 'Seven'?" Gracefully, the taller woman sat in the chair in front of Kathryn's desk. She wore a fitted TPG uniform, without a hair out of place.
"Of course, Seven. I just thought that since everyone else called you Annika, I should follow their lead."
Seven's placid face broke into a sly grin. "Have you become a follower, Admiral?"
Kathryn grinned back. "Only when the brass is paying attention," she replied. But she still wondered about the name. "Is there any reason--"
"I just prefer it," Seven said simply.
"Of course." She would dig no further. Leaning back, she said, "What's on your mind?"
"I--I have a special request, Admiral. I don't quite know how to ask."
That was new. Seven had never been one to mince words. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes, but, no. I--this is difficult, Admiral. I do not often ask for favors, especially from one who has sacrificed so much for me already."
Kathryn softened. It was strange to see Seven vulnerable. "Don't be afraid Seven. Just ask."
With a deep breath, Seven straightened her shoulders. "I would like to ask you to accompany me on a trip."
Kathryn blinked. "A trip." She didn't quite know what to say. "With you."
"Yes."
"When?"
"Tomorrow."
Immediately, Kathryn rejected the notion, but she felt that old pull nonetheless. The yearning had slept soundly for many years, and now was not the time to let it out of hibernation. "I'm afraid not, Seven. I'm simply unable to get away--"
"But it is essential for you to accompany me. Without you there will be no reason for the journey. And I cannot achieve my goal unless you attend."
"Goal?" Kathryn scratched at her neck nervously.
"There are… issues that prevent me from moving forward with my life, with my exploration of humanity. I must resolve them, and you are necessary to assist me in my mission."
"Me?"
"Yes."
Kathryn was almost afraid to ask. "What sort of… issues?"
Seven's face became blank. "They are maternal in nature."
Her stomach sank like a stone. "Oh," she said, the sound leaving her throat in a whoosh. "Of course."
Well, that was that.
---
Seven watched the light go out of the Captain's eyes. Kathryn had always had a stellar poker face when it came to duty, but in more personal matters, she could be transparent if caught at the right moment. Seven was proud that she'd worded her statement in just the right way.
She almost felt badly for misleading the Captain, but she pushed that sensation away. If she was perfectly honest, the issues standing between Seven moving forward with her life were maternal in nature. But the issues weren't her own. They were Kathryn's.
She knew Kathryn cared deeply for her, or she had at one time. This was her chance to find out if the fire still burned between them as it had years ago. If only Seven had known what her feelings had truly meant then! But she quickly set that thought aside; Counselor Abatha was right. It wasn't helpful to regret the past now--she had been so young, so unknowing. A handful of years out of a Borg cube was not enough time to grasp the complexities of humanity, and especially the uncertainties of the heart. Now Seven realized she would never understand it all, but this was one arena she was determined to explore more fully. And she had years of personal examination and introspection on her side, unlike Kathryn. Seven assumed her former Captain had continued on through life as she used to: barreling forward, ignoring her own feelings, doing what was best for others. A most unattractive martyr complex, Seven thought. It was high time someone dismantle it.
"Does that surprise you?" Seven asked, waiting for Kathryn to respond.
Kathryn waved an elegant hand. "No, no," she said. "It's just… It's been a long time since we've seen one another. What's brought this on?"
"I have been attending counseling sessions for some time with Counselor Abatha on Utopia Planetia. Things have progressed well, but I find that I am blocked in some ways regarding my feelings for you." Careful, Seven thought. Don't go too far. "I believe there are things that I would like to discuss with you at length about our past together, during what I consider an accelerated adolescence. Counselor Abatha believes that spending time with you may help me see certain events in a different light. Though she did not advise a trip, I felt it would be advantageous if we were both removed from our current circumstances. We would not be distracted by our lives, and it may accelerate my 'process.'"
Kathryn tilted her head. Seven believed she was, as Troi had once put it, 'beginning to cave.' "I'm not sure… what sort of trip would this be?"
This was the other tough sell. Would she suspect something? Seven put her fears aside and said, "Sailing."
Kathryn's eyebrows flew up. "Sailing? God, Seven, I haven't been on a boat in years."
"But you once said how much you loved it. You promised to take me sailing, do you remember?" Seven recalled the moment Kathryn had said the words--they remained etched in her memory. Kathryn had been quiet as they’d sat in the Da Vinci studio, not long after her multiple personality incident. Seven had been sketching in the silence, and she'd sensed the Captain watching her. Minutes passed, and suddenly the Captain had offered, 'Would you come sailing with me, Seven?'
'Now, Captain?'
The captain's gentle chuckle had raised the hairs on the back of Seven's neck. 'No, when we get back to Earth. I think you might enjoy it.'
'Do you enjoy sailing, Captain?'
'Oh, I love it… The wind in your hair, the water on your face as the waves crash against the hull--it's almost as thrilling as taking a ship out of drydock for the first time. It's exhilarating. Makes you feel alive.'
Seven had nodded. 'I will accompany you.'
Kathryn's smile had been wide and affectionate. It had stolen Seven's breath.
Watching that same face gaze at her now so uncertainly, Seven wondered if Kathryn recalled that she had never truly promised to take her sailing.
"I do remember something about it," Kathryn finally said, looking vaguely over Seven's shoulder.
Seven kept her mouth still, fighting the urge to glory in her triumph.
"Admiral, I believe this endeavor will allow me to embrace my humanity. And… I need your help." Seven knew she was manipulating Janeway, but at this stage, she had no choice. Anything to get her on that ship, away from her Starfleet routine. Anything to awaken Janeway to the truth of her heart. She allowed the desperation to come through her voice in her entreaty. "Please." She felt tears gather in her eyes, knowing this was her last chance. As much as she was putting on an act, her need to be with Kathryn was as strong as ever.
Moments passed, and Kathryn steepled her fingers together. With a great sigh, she replied, "All right."
Seven swallowed and looked down at the floor. She was overwhelmed with relief, and anticipation for the future. It was going to happen. Wasn't it?
---
"You're what?" Phoebe's fork stopped on the way to her mouth.
"I'm going away for a while," Kathryn said, hesitant to tell her sister the whole story.
"Says the woman who hasn't taken a vacation since who knows when. What, you lasted two weeks in Indiana after Voyager came home. What brought this on?"
Kathryn fidgeted in her seat, picking at the salad on her plate. "Just thought now was a good time."
Phoebe's eyes narrowed. "Okay, little sister, what the hell is up? I can see it in your face. There's more to this story, and you'd better spill. Otherwise I'm going to continue to harangue you incessantly until you confess."
"Well you won't have long to badger me, I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Tomorrow! You'll miss the Harvest Festival! Mom is going to blow a gasket!"
"She'll survive. This is… important."
An eyebrow, not unlike Kathryn's own, lifted in suspicion. "Is this about a man? Are you going off on a dirty weekend?"
Kathryn's throat closed momentarily. "No, for your information. It's not about a man at all."
Phoebe looked at her plaintively. "Come on, Katie. It's me. If it's so important, why can't you share?"
Though her mind was set firmly against saying a word, Kathryn found herself considering otherwise. Her meeting with Seven had awakened confusion long buried; perhaps it would be best to discuss things with her sister. "It's--it's Seven. She wants me to go away with her."
The fork finally dropped from Phoebe's hand and clattered noisily on the plate. "Seven of Nine--" she lowered her voice in the restaurant so as not to attract more attention. "Seven asked you to go away with her? It's a fucking miracle!"
“Stop it Phoebe, it’s not like that.”
“Not like what? You’re going on a trip with the most beautiful woman either of us has ever seen… It had better be like that.”
Kathryn shoved down her annoyance. “Seven has some issues to work out. Issues that have nothing to do with romance. She’s never felt that way about me, and I don’t feel that way about her either. I’m like--” Kathryn stumbled over the words-“a mother to her.”
“Bullshit, Katie, and you know it. You’ve always carried a torch for the girl.”
“She’s not a girl anymore, Phoeb. She’s nearly 34, and I’m sure she has her romantic life well in hand. She told me herself that she needs me to attend this trip because of… maternal issues.”
“I repeat: bullshit. I saw the way she looked at you on that first anniversary of your return. She looked like a lovesick puppy, and you barely glanced in her direction."
“She had just broken it off with Chakotay--”
“To be with you!”
“How would you know?” Kathryn spat. “And lower your voice. I don’t need the entire universe to hear this conversation.”
“She left Chakotay, Katie. She sought you out, and for some inane reason which I can’t recall, you avoided her. What were you worried about, that she’d seduce you away from your precious admiralty?”
That brought Kathryn up short. “That’s low, Phoebe. I have only ever wanted Seven to be happy. And I am not the person that can make that happen. I’m the only parental figure she’s ever had. I was her mentor for four years. It’s unacceptable to turn that into something lurid. I won’t do it. She means too much to me.”
“So you admit you care.”
“Of course I care!” Kathryn stabbed a slice of cucumber. “I wouldn’t have agreed to go if I didn’t.”
Phoebe frowned. “Katie, I can’t bear to see you like this. What are you doing?”
“I’m perfectly fine.”
“You still love her--”
“I never said anything about love--”
“Which is why you’ve been alone all this time. Wasn’t seven years of solitude on Voyager enough? You’ve been back for an age! ”
“It hasn’t been that long. What about that sculptor from Venice?”
“That lasted two weeks. And don’t tell me you even considered anything significant with him. He was gorgeous, he was sweet, but he was vapid as anything. It doesn’t count.”
“And the ambassador from Trill--”
“Come on, Katie. He could see right through you. He didn’t need to have lived ten lifetimes to see your heart wasn’t in it.”
That deflated Kathryn. She knew Phoebe was right, but she refused to admit it aloud. It was too private, too devastating. She had loved Seven for so long that every subsequent attempt at a relationship felt like a failure. No one had ever moved her the way Seven did, and she worried no one ever would. Angry tears stung her eyes and Kathryn closed them, defeated.
A hand rested upon hers gently. “Oh, Katie, I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know what else to do. I have to go. Seven needs me.” She sniffed, swallowing against the tears. “Can you talk to Mom? I doubt I could explain properly.”
“Absolutely,” Phoebe replied. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll make up something or other, and she’ll be fine. She’ll probably be relieved you’re taking some time for yourself.” Her sister leaned back as the server refilled their glasses. “How long will you be gone?”
Kathryn looked at the plate of food she’d barely touched. “A week.”
“Where to?”
“We’ll be on a sailboat leaving from Darling Harbour in Sydney tomorrow afternoon.”
Phoebe blinked slowly. “Is it some sort of cruise?”
“Seven said it was a racing vessel. I think I’ll have to brush up on my tacking skills pretty fast.”
The look of confusion on Phoebe’s face was comical. “You’re working on a sailboat as a vacation?”
“Don’t ask me. Seven chose it. She had everything already arranged.”
“Wait, are you sleeping on the boat?”
Kathryn nodded. “Below decks.”
“And sailing the ship to-where?”
Kathryn tried to eat more of her salad, but her stomach wasn’t much interested in food at the moment. “I don’t know the destination. Maybe nowhere. The whole thing is bizarre, but no more bizarre than Seven asking me to go away with her.” She pushed her plate away. “To tell you the truth, Phoeb, I think I was so stunned to see her again that I agreed. She seemed desperate-I’ve mistreated her badly. I should have been there for her.”
Phoebe nodded, but added, “It’s a two-way street, you know. She could have reached out as well.”
“I guess.”
Phoebe took a long drink of iced tea. When she set her glass down, she said, “Who knows, maybe it’ll be fun. Right?”
Kathryn let out a huff of uncertain laughter. “Right. Fun.”
Phoebe reached out again and gripped Kathryn’s hand forcefully. “Just do me a favor… Don’t get in too deep if you don't think you can dig yourself out, okay?”
Kathryn nodded, but she feared it was already too late.
---
Seven rang the chime and waited patiently. Only a few seconds passed before the door slid open, and a smiling face greeted her. “Seven, sweetheart, come on in!” Seven stepped into the arms of Beverly Crusher, who hugged her firmly. “How did it go?” she asked softly, her face serious as she looked into Seven's eyes.
With a deep breath, Seven replied, “She has agreed.”
“Hallelujah!” Beverly crowed, clapping her hands together. “Did you hear that, darling?”
Jean-Luc Picard stepped into the room carrying, of all things, a casserole dish. “I assume things are going according to plan?” he asked.
“Yep,” Beverly said, taking Seven’s arm and leading her to the table. “Sit. I’m sure you’re starving and we want to hear the whole story right this second.” With that, Beverly practically pushed her into a seat at the head of the table. She leaned over the table and scooped a serving of lasagna onto Seven’s plate as Jean-Luc poured her a generous glass of red.
Seven gazed up at the couple and watched them fuss over her, unable to contain the rush of warmth at their attention. She hardly knew where to begin. “It went very much as I expected it to.”
Beverly sat down as Jean-Luc poured her some wine as well. “Did you have to pull out the big guns?”
“Not quite… I asked, and she accepted.”
Jean-Luc looked surprised. “It was that simple?”
Seven lifted her shoulders. “I said please.”
Beverly nodded knowingly. “She cares about you, Seven. This is going to be an amazing trip for both of you.”
“That is my hope.”
"So, now what?" Jean-Luc asked.
"We leave the harbor tomorrow at 1600 hours, the trip officially lasting one week. But I've booked the charter for two, in case things go… well."
"Sneaky," Beverly said approvingly. "And you have a whole crew who will be doing the bulk of the work?"
"Yes, though Kathryn doesn't know that. I told her I found a trip that seemed suitable for the two of us, but I've scheduled everything out specifically to engage both her strengths and weaknesses. Strengths include her exceptional work ethic, her ability to adapt to any circumstance and her expertise in sailing and navigation. Weaknesses include her inability to put herself first, an unhealthy obsession with duty and an unwillingness to dedicate time for pleasure."
"Spoken like a woman who knows what being a decorated Starfleet officer is all about," Beverly said.
"I do. In observing Kathryn from afar, I’ve noticed that her routine is static. She lacks the excitement and uncertainty that accompanied our time on Voyager. Her current status affords unexceptional mental or physical stimulation, and even in her off hours she participates in only the occasional game of tennis or a jog in the Presidio. I do not believe she even attempts to create art any longer, which is…a great tragedy."
"I didn't realize Janeway was such a good artist," Jean-Luc asked.
Seven smiled sadly. "She is not. But she felt immense joy in its creation."
Beverly reached out and covered Seven's hand. "It must be difficult for you to see her that way."
"Yes," Seven whispered. "She is, as they say, 'a shadow of her former self.'"
Jean-Luc nodded. "She's at the top of the ladder in Starfleet, but anything after Voyager's journey most certainly pales in comparison. To be honest I was surprised she accepted the promotion. Most captains don't know what they're getting themselves into when they accept an admiralty; giving up a ship is probably the hardest thing any of us ever do."
"Unless they're ready," Beverly added. "You were."
"I'm nearly twenty years older," Jean-Luc replied. "And married. Not to mention the fact that my wife has her own captaincy. I have plenty of excitement in that regard."
"Agreed," Seven replied. "I can only hope that my 'plan' will awaken her to possibilities."
"Among other things," Beverly added seductively.
Seven smiled shyly as Picard scoffed at the idea. "Beverly, Seven’s like a daughter to us. I don't want to think about the romantic element of this vacation."
"Don't be such a prude, darling. Even daughters need love in their lives." She looked appreciatively at the younger woman, her affection visible. "Especially you, Seven. You've been such a gift to the both of us. You keep us young."
"You and the wine," Picard added.
Seven and Beverly both laughed. "How is the vineyard, Jean-Luc?" Seven asked.
"Excellent. Marie just sent over a case of 2381 burgundy and it's far better than I expected."
"Will you have another tasting soon?"
"I think so-how about after the farm's next olive pressing?" Jean-Luc asked. Seven nodded in agreement. "Perhaps this time you'll bring someone who can appreciate a good red."
Beverly chuckled. "I'll drink to that."
Seven raised her own glass to meet Beverly's. "What else should we drink to?" she asked.
Picard smiled. "A great adventure."
Their glasses clinked together.
---
Kathryn's heart raced as she walked down the wooden slats toward the pier. The sun shone brightly, and the wind was crisp but warm as it blew across the water. Darling Harbour was crowded with tourists enjoying the weather, but Kathryn's nerves were getting the better of her. 'It's only Seven… We used to spend every day together. Today will be no different.'
And then she saw Seven, standing at the end of the pier, waiting for her.
'Oh boy,' Kathryn thought.
Her sailing companion was tall and lean, wearing a pair of cropped pants and boat shoes. Her shirt was the most adorably faux-sailor that Kathryn had ever seen, with a wide neck and blue and white horizontal stripes. But the kicker was Seven's hair, which was down and out of its trademark twist for a change. Seven had grown it past her shoulders, and the blonde waves caught the sun. Seven looked youthful and happy, but as Kathryn moved closer, she could see apprehension edging her smile.
Kathryn’s stomach rolled in anticipation, but she lifted a hand and waved weakly. Was she blushing? "Hi, Seven."
"Admiral, I am glad you have made it." Kathryn could see her swallow. "I wondered if you might… change your mind."
Kathryn shook her head, though she'd thought about it all night long as she'd packed and unpacked her bag. "Of course not, Seven. I'm looking forward to it." She was in front of Seven by now, and felt an urge to hold out her hand in greeting. In fact, her arm was already doing so, and Seven glanced down and met it with her own hand. But Seven didn't stop there, moving forward and wrapping her other arm around Kathryn in a half-hug. Almost against her will, Kathryn did the same, her nose dangerously close to Seven's warm, sweet-smelling neck. Her eyes slid shut as she inhaled.
Uncertain, Kathryn slowly moved out of the embrace and looked up. "Ready?" she asked, voice sandpapery as she spoke.
"Yes, Admiral."
The title sounded curious coming out of Seven's mouth. "Seven, would you call me Kathryn? It’s been a long time--you’re no longer under my command."
"It would be my honor, Kathryn," Seven replied. She took the bag from Kathryn’s hand without asking, hefting the duffel over her shoulder. “This way.”
Seven stepped up the gangplank and Kathryn followed closely. The schooner was gorgeous, masts standing tall against a clear sky. “How large is the ship?” she asked.
“She’s 76 feet in length, and can carry up to 20 passengers, but we will only have 12 for our journey. There are five sails, but also an engine that will assist us as we depart the harbor.” A man clearly identifiable as the captain of the ship was standing at the stern, apparently waiting for them. “This is Captain Josiah Randall. He will be leading the crew on our voyage.”
Kathryn held out her hand. “It’s a pleasure, Captain. You have an amazing vessel here.”
“We like it,” the captain replied, tipping his hat. “It’s a pleasure to have you both aboard. I can still recall the day Voyager returned home; my daughter is going to blow a gasket when she finds out we’ve had Captain Janeway and Annika Hansen on the water. Think you’d mind giving out some autographs for her?”
Kathryn smiled, on familiar ground. “Absolutely,” she answered. “Seven?”
“Of course,” she stated, and Kathryn recognized the pride in her voice.
“Okay then. Come on, I’ll show you to your quarters and give you the five-cent tour,” the Captain said amiably. Kathryn assessed his age to be around 50, his skin tanned and his body fit. She liked his old-fashioned terminology; it made her feel like she was stepping back in time. The other crew members nodded in acknowledgment as she and Seven went below the main deck into the crew quarters. They seemed to be separated into small pods of three and four beds to each tiny room. The guest quarters were well-appointed, Kathryn was happy to see. But she was surprised at the two bunks in the room Randall showed her. “Here you go. The head’s just around the corner; you two will share. There are two more heads down the hall, in case you have an emergency.” Randall glanced at Kathryn. “You get seasick?” he asked, concerned.
Kathryn couldn’t help but laugh. “No. Not yet at least.”
“Good. We’re always well stocked with hyposprays but I like to be prepared. Speaking of that, we have some cursory medical equipment on board, but we always keep a line open to the nearest transporter in case anything goes wrong. We’ll also be warned well in advance in case of inclement weather.” Randall continued to lead them around the bowels of the ship, stepping into the kitchen. “Here’s the galley; Annika said you could both help out with a couple of meals, but we’re covering breakfast and lunch most of the time. It’s nice to have our guests assist now and then-gives the crew a break, you know?”
Kathryn wondered what the hell she’d gotten into. Sharing quarters with Seven, including a bathroom. Now, apparently she’d be cooking for 12 once or twice. Wasn’t this supposed to be a vacation? And more importantly, where could she find a replicator to make her morning coffee? God help them all if she had to stand in line for a cup.
Josiah climbed the ladder up to the deck, with Seven next. As Kathryn watched slim hips ascend before her, she allowed herself the momentary distraction. She deserved it if this was the kind of trip her former protégé had chosen with her in mind.
“Annika here tells me that you’ve got some sailing experience,” Josiah said.
“Yes, but nothing of this stature. I’ve done most of my sailing on lakes in much smaller vessels.”
Josiah waved a hand. “Good. You’ll be fine. It’s the same concept. Derek over there, my first mate, will give you the rundown. You have questions, ask. If anything seems out of your league, say the word and we’ll give you a hand.”
“Thanks,” Kathryn said, running a hand through her hair. She was feeling out of her league already and they hadn’t even left port.
“We’re doing a sunset cruise tonight-you two can take it easy,” Randall said. But tomorrow, reveille’s at oh-530. We have a lot of ground to cover and the wind picks up bright and early. That okay with you, Admiral?”
“Sure,” Kathryn said, thinking again about coffee. She should have brought her own stash.
“We will be prepared,” Seven added.
“Captain,” Kathryn began, “are Seven and I the only… passengers you’ll have on board? It’s quite a large boat for only two guests.”
Randall met Seven’s eyes and shrugged. “We had a couple of cancellations last minute, but we’re going out on the water regardless. We’re paid whether we carry two or twenty passengers, so it’s okay with us. We do some marine research for the Sydney Aquarium in Cockle Bay. These trips are a little nicer with a small group. We have a tight knit crew, but with two such decorated officers as yourselves, you’ll fit right in for sure.”
Confused at the odd arrangement, Kathryn wondered what was really going on. But Seven seemed unconcerned, so that would have to be enough.
She followed her bunkmate back down the steps into their room. It was at least large enough that they wouldn’t be stepping all over each other. The portholes looked out onto the city, and Kathryn could tell the sun was beginning to slip lower in the sky.
Seven set both bags down and assessed the room. “It is adequate for our purposes,” she said, her eyebrow raised. “Would you agree?”
“Sure,” Kathryn said. “I can’t say I’m looking forward to 0530 tomorrow, though. It’s been a while since I’ve been on that schedule.”
“If you are unable to awaken at that time, I can speak to the Captain--”
“No, no, it will be good for my discipline.” Kathryn sat on her bunk, gazing thoughtfully at Seven. “What on earth made you decide on a trip like this?”
Seven frowned. “I thought… that you would enjoy it.” She looked pained, a tiny line appearing between her brows. “Have I misjudged?”
Kathryn couldn’t help but smile. “Of course not, Seven. It’s just not what I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
That brought Kathryn up short. “I-I can’t really say,” she answered honestly.
“Please, Captain,” Seven said, slipping for the first time in using Kathryn’s former rank. It was a telling mistake. “If you wish to end this excursion--”
“Seven, stop,” Kathryn said quickly, putting a hand up. “I have every intention of enjoying myself, and besides, we have a greater purpose here than just fun. I’m here to help you, and if that means waking up at 5:30am to swab the deck, I’ll do it.”
A wry grin erased Seven’s frown. “Swab the deck?”
“Yep.”
“Then it is decided. We stay.”
“Good.”
---
Kathryn quickly unpacked her few things as Seven watched surreptitiously, folding and unfolding a single pair of cotton pants into a drawer. She was doing her best to mask her anxiety, but it was strange to be in such close quarters with her Captain. Especially since time had been very kind to Kathryn Janeway.
She guessed the Admiral had gained a few pounds since the last months of Voyager, which Seven approved of. Kathryn had been so wiry then, it almost seemed as though she would break if the ship’s inertial dampeners went off line momentarily. Now she appeared softer, her curves enhanced. But her cheekbones were as sharp as ever, and those eyes-they captured Seven at every turn. Even her smoky voice was a shock to Seven’s system. Going five years without hearing it every day had allowed her to forget the seductive tones, and she was making up for lost time by listening intently to every word.
As she stood with her back to Janeway, Seven grew distracted by her perfume; suddenly she recognized the scent of the flowers in her Aunt Irene’s garden in the south of France. She would have to tell Kathryn about Irene, and the three cousins she’d become close with over the years. She knew it would be reassuring to Kathryn that she was no longer so isolated.
“Seven?” Kathryn said, and Seven turned to her.
“Yes?”
“Looks like you were in another world. I called your name twice.”
Seven felt her cheeks heat in a blush. “I apologize. I was thinking.”
“Deep thoughts?” Kathryn said with a smile.
Seven decided to share. “Of my cousins, and the last trip I took to France to visit them."
"Cousins?" Kathryn lit up. "Tell me about them."
Kathryn's interest in her life had always pleased her. It made her feel cared for, and important. Hearing the curiosity in Kathryn's voice made it seem as though their time apart them had been erased overnight. "Come upstairs. We're leaving the harbor shortly and I don't want to miss it."
Obligingly, Kathryn stood and followed her to the bow of the ship. The waves were gentle, the breeze brisk and warmed by the sun. They stood together, close but not touching, arms resting against the ship's railing. Seven breathed in the salty air and felt a contentment settle over her. This is where we are meant to be, Seven thought. Together. She glanced over at Kathryn's face in profile, shadow and sun shading her features in a way that made Seven's stomach clench in longing. What would Kathryn do if she simply reached out and touched her? Before she could stop herself, Seven lifted a hand and tucked an wayward strand of hair behind Kathryn's ear. The Admiral started slightly, turning toward Seven as she fleetingly caressed the skin of her cheek. It was soft, like silk, and warm.
Kathryn blinked as though she'd just woken from a nap. Before Seven could get swept away in the blue grey sea of her eyes, she turned back to look at the skyline. "My cousins are Magnus, Sven and Juliette. They live in Aix-en-Provence, near my Aunt Irene."
"Irene, of course," Kathryn said. "I'd wondered if you'd stayed in contact…" she trailed off.
"Juliette is an artist, a painter, and Sven and Magnus took over the farm just a few years ago when Irene retired. They grow olives."
"Really?" Kathryn looked surprised.
"They manufacture some of the best olive oil in France. I brought a bottle with me, in case you'd like to try it."
"Wonderful," Kathryn said. "That's wonderful, Seven. I can't tell you how pleased I am to know that you've found family. What are they like?"
Seven looked down at the water. "Kind. Welcoming. It was difficult at first, as you might imagine. I only got to know them after my association with Commander Chakotay ended." At this, Seven stole a quick glance at Janeway, noting the pained expression she wore for a moment. "I felt isolated. My work at with the Propulsion Group was fulfilling, but I was…lonely. I had made few friends, and felt somewhat hopeless for the future. Irene had contacted me earlier, but refused to push, afraid to scare me away. So, directly after the first anniversary of Voyager's return, I visited."
Seven felt the ship lurch beneath her feet, and suddenly the old-fashioned engine at the stern of the boat roared to life. Captain Randall gave them a wave, and they began to move out into open water. Seven looked at Kathryn, who smiled encouragingly. "It was overwhelming. Juliette and I look quite similar, despite our genetic inconsistencies. And the family seemed to like me right away, which was a new experience. They laughed at my attempts at humor, and accepted my gestures of friendship with pleasure. I had expected… something else."
"For them to react the way many of the Voyager crew did, you mean?"
Seven tilted her head in agreement. "Perhaps. It was unusual, especially after my Starfleet briefings. But I found myself cared for very quickly. You are the only other human in my past who believed in me from the beginning. Because of that, they reminded me of you."
Kathryn didn't seem to know what to say, so Seven continued, filling in the awkward pause. "The farm is lovely, and it's been in the family over three hundred years. I am now an expert at traditional oil extraction."
"No doubt," Kathryn grinned.
"I attended last year’s harvest. It was… exceptional.” Seven recalled the days clearly, having enjoyed them from start to finish. That period was one of the highlights of her life, if she was honest with herself. Never before had she felt so embraced, even on Voyager. “I hope to attend again this year.”
“I have to tell you, Seven, that assuages some of my guilt. I know it’s selfish, but it eases my mind tremendously to know you’ve become so attached to family.” Seven could tell she was going to say more, so she waited. “It was only being in the Delta quadrant that made me appreciate my own family. Phoebe and my mother were such a comfort when we returned. They’re both so steady. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
“A comfort?”
Kathryn swallowed, her eyes drifting over the horizon as the harbor grew smaller and smaller. “Things became… complicated for me soon after we came home.”
Seven wondered how much she could draw from Kathryn now, so early in their journey. “For me too, Kathryn.”
Kathryn finally met her gaze. “Looking back, I recognize so many mistakes I made. I should have kept in touch. I--” Her mouth trembled. “Everything was so confusing… I didn’t handle things well.” She looked disgusted with herself. “I spent seven years trying to get the crew home, and the second we arrived I fell apart.”
This was new information to Seven. She had never seen Kathryn Janeway fall apart, even in the face of the gravest danger. What could have happened? "Will you tell me?"
---
Seven's eyes were curious and soft as the sun set along the horizon. Kathryn felt compelled to open up, despite her fears. She owed the woman that much. "I stayed focused on the briefings for the first month… God knows I hadn't time for much else. But when those ended, I started thinking of everything we'd gone through with the other Admiral Janeway, and the future we'd narrowly avoided." Kathryn closed her eyes, recalling the terrible fear she'd been struck with by the Admiral's version of events. "Although we'd lost crew in the past, the thought of losing--" 'You,' her mind said, but the word stuck in her throat. Could she say it now? What was the worst that could happen? She took a breath. "Losing you," she managed, "was unacceptable to me."
Seven stared back at her, unblinking. Her eyes were damp.
"And to hear of Tuvok, and Chakotay, and to know how bitter I'd become in that other universe. Imagine, Seven, after a lifetime of service, I deliberately went against everything I'd ever stood for by going back in time to help myself. What state of mind must I have been in to get to that point?" Kathryn had agonized for months about the Admiral's quandary. Had Seven's loss destroyed her so completely? She believed it had. "Regardless, I felt that after everything the admiral had been through, I owed it to you, and to Chakotay, to allow your relationship with him to flourish. I think I--I'd have tried to influence your behavior had I stayed in contact."
"You cut off communication so I would play out my supposed 'destiny' by becoming Chakotay's wife?" Seven asked, a frisson of anger tinting her words.
Kathryn swallowed. "I believed it was the right thing to do."
There was a long pause. "You were in error," Seven finally said.
"I know that now," she replied. "I'm sorry."
Seven sighed deeply. The sun was gone, the sky the most glorious shade of purple, but Kathryn found it hard to appreciate. She was waiting for Seven to respond, but long minutes passed before she said a word. Finally, she said, "Although I am angry, I accept your apology. I believe I understand your point of view, but Kathryn, I doubt you will ever know the depth of the loss I felt when you abandoned me."
Tears sprang to Kathryn's eyes. The vulnerability on Seven's face stung her. "I would never abandon you, Seven."
"But you did," Seven said.
"Not in my heart," Kathryn said.
Seven nodded. She turned back to the sky and looked down at the water, waves lapping softly against the hull of the ship.
Kathryn thought back to that time, just after Voyager's return. Five years later the sting of Seven's relationship with Chakotay was still fresh; she felt betrayed on so many levels. Janeway had lost her trust in Chakotay since their run-in with the Equinox, and he in turn no longer looked to her for approval. For anything.
When Admiral Janeway had arrived on board Voyager, Kathryn had done her damndest to set aside her own desires, some more successfully than others. If Seven wanted to marry Chakotay, she wouldn't stand in her way. And to survive, Kathryn knew there was only one solution: to remove herself from the equation.
The first year had been difficult. She'd spent time with B'Elanna and Tom, tending to Miral when she could, and visited with Harry and his family frequently. Monthly visits to Vulcan were on her schedule, and she even stayed with Reg Barclay when the spirit moved her. While seeing Seven was off limits, that didn't mean her former crewmembers didn't deliver news of her burgeoning relationship with Chakotay. To all who knew them, everything seemed fine; they believed that the pair would eventually cement their bond in matrimony.
Until it ended.
Kathryn had always wondered what had happened. Perhaps now was as good a time as any to ask. "Seven… What happened between you and Chakotay?"
Seven jerked, startled by the query.
"You don't have to tell me. I just… I was curious. Everyone said they were sure you would stay together."
Seven glanced over, the purple of the sunset casting shadows over the planes of her face. "Everyone?"
Kathryn shrugged. "The senior staff. I… heard things."
"Though you refused to see me, you kept track of me?"
Might as well admit it, Katie. "I did."
Seven looked down. "I should have known," she said. She closed her eyes against whatever emotion seemed to be running through her. "Appearances can be deceptive, as I'm sure you know, Kathryn. Shortly before our one year anniversary, I realized that I did not love Chakotay."
Blinking in the dimming light, Kathryn said, "Okay?"
"He did not love me either," Seven said simply. "He loved the idea of being with me, and that we made an attractive couple. He was considered the toast of the town, you know, for taming a Borg." Seven smirked. "He was a fool, but no more than I."
"A fool to believe that he could ever tame you," Kathryn said, smiling.
Seven smiled in return. "Near the end we began to argue, and he became more belligerent and difficult. One evening we came to an understanding, and terminated our association. It was my first 'break-up.' From all I had read of such events, I expected to plunge into a depression, but I did not. My greatest emotion at the time was relief. We were… incompatible."
"I was surprised when I heard the news."
"You believed we would marry."
"Yes," Kathryn said quietly, still affected by the thought.
"You know as well as I do that the timeline changed the moment the Admiral set foot on Voyager. And there’s no way to know anything about either of us from the other timeline. All the Admiral said was that I was married, and that I died. If I imagine being married to Chakotay on Voyager, it’s hard to believe I would have been satisfied with the relationship."
Kathryn couldn't stop her sharp intake of breath. Her mind refused to process the thought. The idea hadn't occurred to her that Seven had been anything other than deeply in love with Chakotay. Of course Seven would have been happy… She would never have put up with a dysfunctional relationship, nor would Kathryn have had she been present.
Right?
"I hadn't thought of that," Kathryn replied slowly.
With a nod, Seven said, "You interpreted events in a way specific to your experience and understanding. But I believe Admiral Janeway explained just enough to convince you to participate in her plan. I have little doubt that there was more to the story than the details she shared with you."
The weight of the thoughts spinning through her brain was profound. Was Seven correct? Kathryn looked out once more onto the vast ocean. It appeared to be a pane of glass, placid and calm. But underneath, mysteries swirled, entire ecosystems living and dying in a universe unknown to her.
She lifted a hand to her temple. She had no way of knowing the truth of the other timeline, and neither did Seven.
"I don't know what to say, Seven," Kathryn finally managed. "You've given me a lot to consider."
The light had faded almost entirely now, the moon high in the sky. "That is all I wanted, Kathryn."
Kathryn looked up at Seven, her face nearly indiscernible in the darkness. The quiet gave the moment an air of intimacy, and Kathryn felt drawn in. A hand landed on her bare arm, and goosebumps rose along her skin. Seven noticed, and asked, "Are you cold? There's a chill in the air."
Kathryn shook her head. She wasn't cold. Not at all.
---
Part II