Two Part Harmony by Chibifukurou (PG-13) 2/2
Title: Two Part Harmony
Author: chibifukurou
Band(s): Fall Out Boy/ My Chemical Romance
Pairing(s): Gen Bonding; Pete/Mikey; Gerard/Frank; Bob/Brian
Word Count: 11,000
Rating/Warnings: PG-13; Mentions of past self-harm and depression
Summary: The therapists said I was depressed. I was too exhausted to fight them on the diagnoses. That was what our little road-trip was about. Trying to find my Guide before I ended up in the New Jersey Center for Disturbed Sentinels.
In reality, finding my guide didn't really matter to me anymore. All I wanted was to make sure Gerard found his Guide before her turned back to the drugs.
Part One
Part Two
Ao3
Bonus Tracks/Enhanced Content
Fanart:
What Pete Needed Most by amkave
Fanmix(es):
Fanmix by parametre
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
When I got woken up again, by somebody pounding on the door I expected it to be Gee. He was always forgetting his motel card keys. Even when he did remember them he usually didn't bother trying to get the door open himself.
He claimed it was a waste of time, after all the times I'd had to yank the key out of his hand to keep him from either breaking the lock in frustration or staring at the flashing green light on the lock until he zoned out, I had my doubts.
So I didn't think anything of answering the door in nothing but my boxers and one of Gee's t-shirts. Only worn once, but still carrying enough of his scent to lull me too sleep even though he wasn't in the room. When I found myself face to face a stranger I froze. That changed once I got a good look at his outfit.
It was hard to feel embarrassed by my Grim reaper bunny boxers when I was facing a guy who thought purple checked hoodies and yellow plaid pants went together. "Can I help you?"
"Um-uh. Yeah!" He stuttered out.
I quirked an eyebrow, too exhausted to bother with social niceties. Even if they would have been required under the circumstances.
"I'm looking for Frankie?"
"You've got the wrong room." I started to slam the door in his face, only stopping when he shoved a foot between the door and the door jam. "Look, I don't know who you are but your friend isn't here. Try one of the other rooms."
"Please, I just want to come in for a second."
I tried to shove his shoe out of the door, but I didn't have much luck since I wasn't wearing any shoes. "I already told you that there isn't a Frank here."
"Please Sentinel?"
That was enough to freeze me, midway from trying to use my toes to pry his foot off of the floor. I zeroed in on him, letting the mental dials I used to visualize the suppression of my senses, rotate back to normal levels. Getting a lungful of Guide-scent for my trouble. "Shit!"
The Guide, my Guide, pushed past me and into the hotel room. I should have sent him away, but I was too weak for that. Even though I knew that I wasn't planning on being anyone's Sentinel. Not as unstable as my senses made me but with my perfect Guide standing right in front of me, how could I resist?
I grabbed him by the arm and yanked him inside the hotel room, slamming the door shut behind him, before slamming his body against the door. He was staring at me with big eyes, like prey.
I should have stopped then, but instead I pulled his head back, gentling my grip as much as I could manage as I bared his neck. He squirmed, but didn't try to get away. Instead, he turned his neck towards my mouth.
I mouthed at the area behind his jaw bone, where the cluster of nerves that controlled his bonding heat lay beneath the skin. Digging my teeth into it, I felt him shudder. He gasped and I could taste his heat against my tongue. Purring, I pulled him closer guiding his limp body down onto hotel bed.
The scent of past guests was repugnant. So was the rough feeling of the sheets. My Guide should have better, but I couldn't stop now. I bit down harder and felt the edges of his mind crack open to let me through.
Our memories, our minds started merging together. Bits and pieces of his past entered my mind, soothing the edges of my senses, feeding energy into my constantly exhausted body. I sagged at the sheer pleasure of the sensation and the feeling of having my Guide's body beneath mine.
I was so wrapped up in the pleasure that I didn't notice at first when my darker memories trickled into my Guide's mind.
I panicked and yanked away from him, out of the safety of our combined minds. My senses came back online. It wasn't the same though, they were dulled back to how they had been when I'd been a kid. I could see the texture of my Guide's clothes, but not every thread that they were made up of. There wasn't any threat of falling into a zone out because of his stupid plaid jumper and when I looked at his face all I could see was the soft, happy smile on his face.
He was so perfect, too perfect for me to mar with my own darkness, but I knew that if I stayed in the room with him I'd give in and bond fully. There were text books and romance novels full of stories where some well-meaning Sentinel tried to abstained from bonding for their Guides' own good. The only stories where the Sentinel managed this impossible task were the ones where they left their Guide and went somewhere far away.
Already the idea of leaving him made my hand clench around his arm and my instincts scream that he needed me. I wasn't about to fall into that trap.
Yanking myself away, I left him sprawled on the bed and started packing as quickly and angrily as I could. As long as I was mad, I wouldn't be tempted to go back to bed and complete the bond.
Before I left, I let myself have one last moment of weakness and pressed a kiss to my Guide's hair, inhaling a lungful of his scent.
= = = =
Pete’s POV
= = = =
When you wake up from your first bonding heat, things are supposed to be special. Your Sentinel is supposed to be there to help you deal with the pain you shredded mental shields. You're supposed to be able to get to know each other and spend a few days learning about each other, growing closer.
You're not supposed to wake up alone. I wasn't supposed to wake up alone, in an empty hotel bed in a room that had been stripped of any personal items my Sentinel might have brought with him. I didn't even have the luxury of being able to sneak a look at one of his luggage tags to find out his name. And how screwed up was it that I was thinking of that as a luxury.
I was still dizzy from the bonding heat, and the emotions I could feel from the hotel guests staying in the rooms one story down, so it took longer than it should have for me to find my phone. Which had somehow managed to find its way out of my pocket and down into the crack between the bed and the wall.
After running around the room, what little reserves I'd built up after my rest were shot. I stayed curled up on the bed, knees tucked under my chin and phone in hand until I got my breath back.
Then I stayed there longer, because I couldn't think of anything else to do. My Sentinel was supposed to be there for me after we bonded. He was supposed to be able to balance my own impulsiveness, make me better, stronger.
So why the fuck did I feel like a soggy noodle and why had I been abandoned without so much as a note. Had my Sentinel been able to tell I was a complete screw up after only bonding? Was I really that screwed up?
= = = =
I stayed there on the bed. Knowing I should call Frank or Patrick. They'd come and get me and make everything okay. They both knew how much of a screw up I was and they'd never left me.
I just couldn't do it. Frank was probably off somewhere playing happily bonded Guide and I really didn't want to deal with Patrick trying to fix me. Not after everything else that had happened.
Curling up tighter, I tried to go back to sleep. At least with my eyes closed I couldn't see the room spinning.
Something crashed against the door. Then there was another crash, something yanked on the hotel door's handle. Could it be Mikey? I forced myself up, onto my feet, propped up by my hand against the wall. Heading for the door.
It took a stumbled lurch to fall from the wall with the bed pushed up against it, to the one the door was on. The door handle rippled and wavered in my vision. It took two tries but I was finally able to grab it and yank the door open.
Only to be knocked off my feet when something fell on me. Or rather two somethings fell on me. Groaning, I tried to roll out from under their weight and got an elbow to my sternum for the trouble. I groaned.
"Shit!" The weight rolled off me enough that I could start breathing again. Then Frank's face was hovering over mine, an unknown bleached blond hovering a little behind him. "Pete! What are you doing here?"
"I was worried… you didn't call last night."
"Shit! I'm sorry, man. I forgot about that. Got distracted." He smiled an utterly sappy smile at the other man. He must be Frank's Sentinel.
"It's alright." I replied. Instinct making the reply come no matter how dishonest it was.
The Sentinel was staring at me. I wanted to back away but there wasn't much further away to go than the floor. He touched me and I could feel aftershock's fear, uncertainly and something else. Rolling over, I retched. Throwing up all over the Hotel's carpet.
"Pete! What's wrong?"
"He smells like my brother." The Sentinel answered.
Shock emanated through Frank's fingers and into my skin. I started feeling sick again.
The Sentinel pulled me away and I could feel shields wrapping around me. It wasn't before, with my own shields, or like the perfect blending of minds that was supposed to come with a bonding, but it was enough to let me sink back into unconsciousness.
= = = =
I ended up crashing on Gerard and Franks' couch because I had nowhere else to go. Patrick was still out west and even thought I didn't need the money I wished I was still working a dead end job at his clothes shop. It would have been better than being cooped up inside all day. I wanted to leave. To get off of the couch and run away but I didn't because I was a Guide and I'd found my Sentinel.
We were supposed to stay together forever. So why was I sleeping on some strangers couch instead of in my Sentinel's apartment. Had I done something wrong? I didn't think so. There shouldn't have been any thing I could have done to upset him.
It's not like we'd spent any time together. Not after that first bonding. Which brought up the other reason I was in full bitch mode. The need to bond was raking across my nerves in jolts and jabs of pain and need raw enough to feel like it could kill me.
Though some of it probably came from Frank. I should have felt guilty but I was angry instead. Jealous and pissed Frank was my friends he should have been on my side. At least that's what my emotions said.
Logic said that it was a good thing he was bonding with Gerard every chance the two of them got. Unfortunately logic wasn't my strong suit.
"Still moping huh?"
"Yeah."
"It's not that bad really, being bonded. I know it probably seems like it now, but Mikey really is a great guy. He's kind and he really cares about the people around him but his senses have been really out of whack and he's been in therapy. He's not really in a good position to be bonded right now."
"Okay." I wanted to scream at Brian that it wasn't okay. That Mikey wasn't the only one who had problems with that. He was Mikey's friend though not mine. It only made sense that he'd care more about Mikey's feelings than mine. Patrick would have been the same if I'd dared to tell him that I wasn't happily bonded.
"I'm glad you understand. I promise that if you're a little patient things will get better."
"You promise a lot of things." I replied, I wasn't willing to ignore his problems just because I understood them. He didn't feel like he was sure of everything. He felt nervous and troubled. "You don't believe any of it though. You don't know if Mikey's going to get better even if you're scared that his getting worse will drive Gerard over the edge."
"That's none of your business. Etiquette requires you to refrain from reading my mind even if you have the ability to. It's the only way for us to protect our Sentinel's secrets."
"Your the one who knows my Sentinels secrets. Not me. It's not my problem if you don't like me reading your mind. I'm not reading it anyway."
"Then how did you know what I was thinking."
"I knew what you were feeling. It was pretty obvious after that. So why don't you do me a favor and drag Bob off to bond in the guest room. Frank isn't using it right now anyway."
"Excuse me!" The normally unflappable Brian was actually gaping at me. Surely I wasn't still so different that he couldn't handle me? I didn't want to be a freak among Guides too.
"I can feel your need to Bond. It's annoying so why don't you go deal with that and stop bothering me. " I let my body fall to the side and pulled the blanket over my head. Conversation over even if I could still feel Brain's anger over my acting badly. I knew too little about Mikey to care much anyway. He might be my Sentinel but I had my doubts that I was his Guide. Maybe I was just too fucked up to be anyone's Guide if I couldn't even fix my own Sentinel.
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
The last person I was expecting to call me was Brian. Bob maybe, Gerard Definitely, but Brian was usually content to let me screw things up as I wanted to. He's sort things out afterword if he thought it was worth the effort. Which he rarely did.
So when the nurse came up to me and said that someone was on the phone for me, I didn't think twice about heading over to the nurses station and grabbing the headset. "What is it?"
"You need to check yourself out and get over the Gee's house as soon as you can."
"Excuse me?" I stared at the nurses who were shuffling about like zombies. Same as most of the patients. There were some I could tell were listening in on my conversation but I didn't really care. It wasn't like I had anything to say to Brian anyway. "You're not Gee. You can't tell me what to do."
"What about your Guide? If I had him call you would you talk to him or would you still be stubborn and act like you don't care what's happening out in the real world."
"Shut up Brian, you don't know what you are talking about." I was happy here, or close to it anyway. The drugs they were giving me were enough to keep my exhaustion at bay an even though I missed Gee it was nice to have a break and I knew that Frank would take care of them. He was a good Guide."
"Really, I don't know what I'm talking about. So your the one who's watching your Guide sink into depression on Gerard's couch? Oh wait that's impossible because your hiding out in the counseling center."
"I need to be here."
"You needed to be there. Then you found your Guide. If you let him help you then you wouldn't have to hide away."
"It's better this way, Brian, so leave it. If Gee wants to talk you can have him call me otherwise I've got nothing else to see you." I slammed the headset down garnering a glare from the head nurse. I shuffled away it wasn't like I cared what they thought of me here. I was a fuck up in the real world it wasn't like I'd expected that to change once I got here. I just figured things would be simpler when I didn't have to worry about the rest of the world or protecting Gee. It was just me and the other patients. All a bunch of crazies grouped together.
= = = =
Pete’s POV
= = = =
I think we might need to think about sending Pete to the Guide Counseling center." Brian said.
I wondered if he thought I was asleep. Not that I cared either way. My mind and emotions were leaking out of my head and I was too exhausted to try and gather them back in or to sort out whose emotions I should be feeling.
"Are you crazy!!!" good old Frankie.
"No I'm not, but staying on your and Gee's couch isn't' doing him any favors he's just kept getting weaker. OR are you to busy to notice things like that now that your wrapped up in each other."
"Of course I noticed that he was depressed. I'm not a fuckin' idiot, but unless you can magic Mikey up out of no where then there isn't much we can do about it is there. He needs to bond, it's been weeks, and sticking him somewhere where he has to feel the need of even more Sentinels and Guides than he feels here isn't going to help him any. Believe me I’ve seen how he reacts to that kind of pressure." If I’d had my eyes open I didn't have any doubt that I would have seen Frank in his classic ‘tough guy’ pose. I wondered how Bob was reaching to it?
I wanted to see and more importantly I wanted to agree with Frank, to shout at Brian for even considering putting me somewhere where I'd have to dealing with unbounded Sentinels,. I fell asleep instead.
= = = =
Frankie woke me up from my fugue state with the application of a lot of shaking and even more coffee. I still wasn't fully awake butt it wasn't enough for Frank to drag me out of the house and too the airport. He got me on a plane and told me not to get off until I was back on the West Coast.
I didn't have the energy to fight him. It was bad enough being in an airport with so many different people and emotions swirling around. The airplane was a little better. A limited number of people, though putting up with them for hours and hours would be sheer torture. Falling asleep took care of that.
Their emotions weren't so troublesome in dreams. Dreams were always weird.
Patrick gathered me up at the airport and took me home with him. Id' forgotten how calming he was. It was nice, almost like being with Mikey. No that was a lie, if a comforting one. Being with Patrick was nothing like the momentary bliss I'd had with Mikey, but it was still more than I deserved.
I was a fuck up, incapable of being a good friend or fixing my own Sentinel. Sleeping through the rest of my life seemed like a good plan. Particularly once I arrived at Patrick's house in the suburbs. There were fewer people to feel which meant fewer distractions from my rest.
I could still feel Patrick though. He was pissed. Actually pissed didn't even begin to describe what he was feeling. I'd have comforted him when I'd been around him before. Why was it that the thing that I’d always thought would make me better and left me bleeding in the dust and Patrick with me. “I’m sorry Patrick.” I managed to whisper before falling back to sleep.
As I was sinking deeper into uncurious I vaguely felt his anger turn into sadness. Why was it that I always failed to be comforting.
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
It seemed like after Brian’s call, Pete was all I could think about. I’d left him for his own good, for Gee’s good, and maybe even for my own. My plan seemed to have backfired. Now I had to figure out what I was going to do about it.
I was paying more attention now and I started noticing things that I hadn’t but should have. I was feeling not so much happy as alive. I hadn’t had a depressive episode in days if not weeks. In fact I couldn't remember having one sense I got to the Center.
Assuming it was because of the calming atmosphere, I hadn’t thought much of it. Now I couldn’t stop. What if it wasn’t the Center. Could I really be feeding off of Pete’s energy even after we’d only bonded that one time. I’d thought I got away fast enough.
Brian was right though, if I really was messing with Pete I couldn’t stay here. I tried to forget, to stay calm like I was supposed to but now adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I gave up and headed for the nurses station. “I want to check myself out.”
= = = =
I took a cab to Gee’s apartment. I could have called him and he would have come for me but I wanted a chance to adjust to being outside of the Center. To the taste of pollution on my tongue and the soft din of voices that always surrounded me.
It was all so much easier to control then it had been before I went the Center. Before I bonded with Pete. I didn’t know which was the truth anymore because if it was just the Center than I shouldn’t be any better once I was away from it.
Nervous didn't even begin to describe how I was feeling by the time I reached Gee’s doorstep. I was going to see my Guide for the first time in three weeks. This was my chance to make things right.
= = = =
“What do you mean you sent him away!” I yelled. Gee’s Guide didn’t seem the slightest bit impressed, despite being nearly a head shorter than me and thin enough that I could have picked him up and thrown him across the room if I wanted to. And I'd been willing to put up with Gee's revenge. What was it about Guides that made them think they were so tough despite all evidence to the contrary? Would Pete be like this once he stopped being mad at me for running off.
“I mean exactly what it sounds like I mean. He wasn’t getting better here, sleeping on the couch or on the guest bed all day and surrounded by so many emotions, without anyone to shield him from them. So I sent him back west. Patrick will look after him.”
I didn't know who this Patrick was, but the thought of him taking care of MY Guide made my hackles rise. “He’s mine.” I hissed.
Frank blew air through his teeth in a high pitched whistle. “He’s his own man. You ran off. So as far as Patrick and I are concerned whatever rights you might have had are forfeit.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Prove it.”
I would. I’d find Pete and bring him back just to prove Frank's punk ass wrong. Pete was my bondmate. We were meant to be together. No matter what my brother's Guide or this Patrick thought.
= = = =
Pete’s POV
= = = =
I woke up for no apparent reason. I didn’t feel great. Crap was actually too nice of a term for how bad I felt, but I was awake without ingesting half a carafe of coffee and I was going to take advantage of it.
I was dressed in one of Patrick’s oversized shirts, purple and sparkly. A pair of fluffy slippers were halfway stuffed under nightstand. It took me three tries to fish them out with my toes. I didn’t want to risk bending over when I still felt faint.
Stumbling out into the main rooms of his house I headed for the kitchen and the smell of coffee. Just because I’d woken up without the help of caffeine, that didn't mean I still wasn’t craving the rich, brown nectar of the gods.
Patrick was dressed in a black satin robe and the raccoon eyes that showed he hadn’t bothered to clean up his make-up the night before. “How long have I been out?”
“Two days here. At least a week with Frank. Though he said you were kind of out of it after the first week Mikey was gone.”
Yeah that sounded right. I remembered talking with Brian and being vicious. Which I’d have felt guiltier about if I’d been in my right mind. “I’m sorry.”
Pursing his lips he took another sip. “Sorry for what?”
Stupid question, but maybe he thought I hadn’t learned my lesson. “For leaving you to run off with my Sentinel.”
He sighed. “That’s not why I'm upset, Pete. When we first became friends I knew you were a Guide and that one day you’d have to choose your Sentinel over me. It’s not like you betrayed me. I just wish you'd picked a Sentinel who wasn’t such a Jack Ass. I know that you were hoping for something more.”
“He’s really not that bad." I hedged, knowing that I sounded like a complete idiot. I just couldn't help it. No matter how mad I was at Mikey right now, I couldn't stand having somebody bad mouth my Sentinel. "I just wasn’t able to be what he needed so he went to the Center. That way they could fix him and he wouldn’t have to keep bonding with me.” I stared at my coffee, I didn’t feel like drinking it anymore.
“I’m sure it’s not like that. You’re just overly sensitive to the possibility of letting people down. You’re really not a screw up Pete. I just wish you could believe that.”
I didn’t dare look at him. He’d have his bitch face on. The exasperated one that said I was being an idiot but he loved me anyway. “I messed up my one chance to be with someone who could make me better I think that’s pretty much the definition of screwing up.”
“That right there is your problem. You always think you have to become better. I thought the point of having a bond with your Sentinel was to find someone who could love you for who you were not who they could turn you into.”
“Why do you have to be so logical.”
Patrick shuffled his chair over the tiled floor so that we were sitting next to each other and he could wrap an arm around my shoulders and pull me into a hug. “One of us has to be the practical one and I like you just the way you are. So I get to be the logical one.”
I slotted my fingers through his and leaned further into his body. Even though it felt like betraying my own Sentinel, I couldn’t resist saying, “I wish you were a Sentinel, Patrick.”
“So do I.”
= = = =
We eventually finished our breakfast coffees and took our second coffees of the day into the living room. To drink while we watched morning cartoons. It had been way to long since I’d had a good chance to mock Scooby Doo and Spiderman.
I fell partly back to sleep with my head resting on Patrick’s lap, while Fred was explaining how they were going to catch the monster of the week. It was so nice having his soothing emotions washing over me.
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
Getting to LA hadn’t been that hard. Even figuring out who Pete was staying with was a no brainer. Patrick had made an impression the first time I’d met him and it was obvious that he and Pete were extremely close.
I tried Patrick’s clothes shop first, only to find it closed with a note on the door saying that the owner had a family emergency and didn’t know when he’d be back to re-open the store. Which proved that I’d been right about where Pete was staying but didn’t put me any closer to finding him. I could feel our bond, what little there was left of it, telling me that my Guide was nearby but it had been too long since we’d bonded. I couldn’t just follow it to him.
Then I tried Google, the phone book, even asking the people who owned the stores around Patrick’s but I was out of luck. Nobody seemed to know what his address was. Finally, I had to give in and call Frank. Who hung up on me as soon as I told him where it was. He made Gerard hang up on me too, but not before my brother managed a quick apology.
He hadn’t counted on Brian though. Between his contacts and Bob’s he could find anybody, anywhere. It took two days, for Brian to text the address to me. But during that time I could feel my bond with Pete growing stronger a little bit at a time. It was still nowhere near strong enough to track but it gave me hope that I hadn’t managed to ruin everything with my short-sightedness.
= = = =
I waited until early the morning after I got the address, to show up on Patrick’s doorstep. I figured he’d be unhappy enough to see me, without my antagonizing him further.
Knocking on the door, I stretched my senses out until I could hear Pete’s heartbeat. He was still asleep but I could hear someone else puttering around the house. I didn’t recognize the heartbeat but he dribble of coffee through the filter and the sizzle of butter in a frying pan was enough to convince me that it was Patrick.
There weren’t many other people I could think of who would make breakfast in his house if Pete was still asleep. I knocked a little louder to get his attention over the noises he was making in the kitchen.
There was the squeak of rubber bottomed sandals against tile and the thump of footsteps approaching. The soft pad of hands against the door and a sigh just a little below the peephole. Then the door swung open and a fist was heading towards my face.
The punch landed before I could react and my ass met the porch’s floor a few seconds after that. The man I assumed was Patrick slammed the door shut.
I’d been worried that Frank would warn him I was coming but it appeared that he didn’t need to be fore-warned to get the drop on me. I’d be impressed if it wasn’t so annoying.
I didn’t feel any better when he opened the door a crack, just to throw a bag of frozen peas at me. Now I couldn’t even hate him.
He left me cooling my heels on the front porch until the sound of the coffee percolating stopped. Then he still didn't let me into the house., but at least he joined me on the front porch with a cup of coffee for each of us. "Why should I let you see Pete?"
"Why is it any of your business if I came to see him. It should be his decision."
"It was his decision to go with you the first time. You took advantage of that to break his heart. I'm his friend. It's my job to make sure that you don't break his heart again."
“That’s our business, not yours.”
“You’re wrong. You might be his Sentinel but it’s obviously your not worthy of the position. So if I can’t trust you to live up to the title your claiming why should I trust you to protect his heart.”
“I’ll do better. I learned my lesson. You have to understand, I didn’t mean to hurt him. I was trying to do the right thing.”
“Well that plan certainly blew up in your face.”
“You’re a bitch aren’t you.” Biting my lip, I cursed myself. This is why I tried to keep my mouth shut and leave the diplomacy to Gee. He was so much better at it than I was.
Thankfully Patrick took my comment in stride. He even chuckled a little, though whether it was because he was humoring me or he actually like being called a bitch I couldn’t really tell. “Yes I am a bitch, but then I get the feeling that you are as well. If you catch my drift.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You sweep in, bond with Pete, drag him across the country, and then abandon him. That’s a dick move even if you don’t add the part where you left his mind unprotected after ripping down his shields.”
"I thought he'd be better off without me. I don't deserve someone like him."
Patrick groaned. "Why do I always end up dealing with the self-sacrificing types. Is it really too much to ask for a self-centered person is it? I don't think so. But no, it's all I'm not worthy and I was trying to protect him or help him."
I didn't' dare to ask what he as talking about. It sounded like Pete felt as bad about what happened as I did, but maybe that was just me not wanting to admit that I'd screwed the guy over. If he felt guilty too then it really wasn't my fault. "I'm not saying I didn't make a huge mistake, but I made it for a good reason. I promise that I won't be so stupid again but that's about all I can promise."
He sighed. “I supposed that’s all I can ask. I’d love to send you away and say that you couldn’t ever come back but I doubt that would work. You seem like the type who’d just keep coming back until you got your way." He stood up with another sigh. “Besides Pete would be pissed if he found out I’d sent you away before he got a chance to talk to you.”
The door didn’t get slammed in my face and I didn’t get punched as I stepped across the thresh-hold. I was willing to take what victories I could. Pete had somehow managed to sleep through Patrick and my whole exchange. His slow, steady heartbeat soothed the nerves getting punched out and being given the shovel talk had caused. This was my one chance to prove that I did have the right to call myself Pete’s Sentinel and this time I was determined not to screw it up.
And I’d make sure that Pete knew my intentions as soon as he woke up.
= = = =
End
Author: chibifukurou
Band(s): Fall Out Boy/ My Chemical Romance
Pairing(s): Gen Bonding; Pete/Mikey; Gerard/Frank; Bob/Brian
Word Count: 11,000
Rating/Warnings: PG-13; Mentions of past self-harm and depression
Summary: The therapists said I was depressed. I was too exhausted to fight them on the diagnoses. That was what our little road-trip was about. Trying to find my Guide before I ended up in the New Jersey Center for Disturbed Sentinels.
In reality, finding my guide didn't really matter to me anymore. All I wanted was to make sure Gerard found his Guide before her turned back to the drugs.
Part One
Part Two
Ao3
Bonus Tracks/Enhanced Content
Fanart:
What Pete Needed Most by amkave
Fanmix(es):
Fanmix by parametre
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
When I got woken up again, by somebody pounding on the door I expected it to be Gee. He was always forgetting his motel card keys. Even when he did remember them he usually didn't bother trying to get the door open himself.
He claimed it was a waste of time, after all the times I'd had to yank the key out of his hand to keep him from either breaking the lock in frustration or staring at the flashing green light on the lock until he zoned out, I had my doubts.
So I didn't think anything of answering the door in nothing but my boxers and one of Gee's t-shirts. Only worn once, but still carrying enough of his scent to lull me too sleep even though he wasn't in the room. When I found myself face to face a stranger I froze. That changed once I got a good look at his outfit.
It was hard to feel embarrassed by my Grim reaper bunny boxers when I was facing a guy who thought purple checked hoodies and yellow plaid pants went together. "Can I help you?"
"Um-uh. Yeah!" He stuttered out.
I quirked an eyebrow, too exhausted to bother with social niceties. Even if they would have been required under the circumstances.
"I'm looking for Frankie?"
"You've got the wrong room." I started to slam the door in his face, only stopping when he shoved a foot between the door and the door jam. "Look, I don't know who you are but your friend isn't here. Try one of the other rooms."
"Please, I just want to come in for a second."
I tried to shove his shoe out of the door, but I didn't have much luck since I wasn't wearing any shoes. "I already told you that there isn't a Frank here."
"Please Sentinel?"
That was enough to freeze me, midway from trying to use my toes to pry his foot off of the floor. I zeroed in on him, letting the mental dials I used to visualize the suppression of my senses, rotate back to normal levels. Getting a lungful of Guide-scent for my trouble. "Shit!"
The Guide, my Guide, pushed past me and into the hotel room. I should have sent him away, but I was too weak for that. Even though I knew that I wasn't planning on being anyone's Sentinel. Not as unstable as my senses made me but with my perfect Guide standing right in front of me, how could I resist?
I grabbed him by the arm and yanked him inside the hotel room, slamming the door shut behind him, before slamming his body against the door. He was staring at me with big eyes, like prey.
I should have stopped then, but instead I pulled his head back, gentling my grip as much as I could manage as I bared his neck. He squirmed, but didn't try to get away. Instead, he turned his neck towards my mouth.
I mouthed at the area behind his jaw bone, where the cluster of nerves that controlled his bonding heat lay beneath the skin. Digging my teeth into it, I felt him shudder. He gasped and I could taste his heat against my tongue. Purring, I pulled him closer guiding his limp body down onto hotel bed.
The scent of past guests was repugnant. So was the rough feeling of the sheets. My Guide should have better, but I couldn't stop now. I bit down harder and felt the edges of his mind crack open to let me through.
Our memories, our minds started merging together. Bits and pieces of his past entered my mind, soothing the edges of my senses, feeding energy into my constantly exhausted body. I sagged at the sheer pleasure of the sensation and the feeling of having my Guide's body beneath mine.
I was so wrapped up in the pleasure that I didn't notice at first when my darker memories trickled into my Guide's mind.
I panicked and yanked away from him, out of the safety of our combined minds. My senses came back online. It wasn't the same though, they were dulled back to how they had been when I'd been a kid. I could see the texture of my Guide's clothes, but not every thread that they were made up of. There wasn't any threat of falling into a zone out because of his stupid plaid jumper and when I looked at his face all I could see was the soft, happy smile on his face.
He was so perfect, too perfect for me to mar with my own darkness, but I knew that if I stayed in the room with him I'd give in and bond fully. There were text books and romance novels full of stories where some well-meaning Sentinel tried to abstained from bonding for their Guides' own good. The only stories where the Sentinel managed this impossible task were the ones where they left their Guide and went somewhere far away.
Already the idea of leaving him made my hand clench around his arm and my instincts scream that he needed me. I wasn't about to fall into that trap.
Yanking myself away, I left him sprawled on the bed and started packing as quickly and angrily as I could. As long as I was mad, I wouldn't be tempted to go back to bed and complete the bond.
Before I left, I let myself have one last moment of weakness and pressed a kiss to my Guide's hair, inhaling a lungful of his scent.
= = = =
Pete’s POV
= = = =
When you wake up from your first bonding heat, things are supposed to be special. Your Sentinel is supposed to be there to help you deal with the pain you shredded mental shields. You're supposed to be able to get to know each other and spend a few days learning about each other, growing closer.
You're not supposed to wake up alone. I wasn't supposed to wake up alone, in an empty hotel bed in a room that had been stripped of any personal items my Sentinel might have brought with him. I didn't even have the luxury of being able to sneak a look at one of his luggage tags to find out his name. And how screwed up was it that I was thinking of that as a luxury.
I was still dizzy from the bonding heat, and the emotions I could feel from the hotel guests staying in the rooms one story down, so it took longer than it should have for me to find my phone. Which had somehow managed to find its way out of my pocket and down into the crack between the bed and the wall.
After running around the room, what little reserves I'd built up after my rest were shot. I stayed curled up on the bed, knees tucked under my chin and phone in hand until I got my breath back.
Then I stayed there longer, because I couldn't think of anything else to do. My Sentinel was supposed to be there for me after we bonded. He was supposed to be able to balance my own impulsiveness, make me better, stronger.
So why the fuck did I feel like a soggy noodle and why had I been abandoned without so much as a note. Had my Sentinel been able to tell I was a complete screw up after only bonding? Was I really that screwed up?
= = = =
I stayed there on the bed. Knowing I should call Frank or Patrick. They'd come and get me and make everything okay. They both knew how much of a screw up I was and they'd never left me.
I just couldn't do it. Frank was probably off somewhere playing happily bonded Guide and I really didn't want to deal with Patrick trying to fix me. Not after everything else that had happened.
Curling up tighter, I tried to go back to sleep. At least with my eyes closed I couldn't see the room spinning.
Something crashed against the door. Then there was another crash, something yanked on the hotel door's handle. Could it be Mikey? I forced myself up, onto my feet, propped up by my hand against the wall. Heading for the door.
It took a stumbled lurch to fall from the wall with the bed pushed up against it, to the one the door was on. The door handle rippled and wavered in my vision. It took two tries but I was finally able to grab it and yank the door open.
Only to be knocked off my feet when something fell on me. Or rather two somethings fell on me. Groaning, I tried to roll out from under their weight and got an elbow to my sternum for the trouble. I groaned.
"Shit!" The weight rolled off me enough that I could start breathing again. Then Frank's face was hovering over mine, an unknown bleached blond hovering a little behind him. "Pete! What are you doing here?"
"I was worried… you didn't call last night."
"Shit! I'm sorry, man. I forgot about that. Got distracted." He smiled an utterly sappy smile at the other man. He must be Frank's Sentinel.
"It's alright." I replied. Instinct making the reply come no matter how dishonest it was.
The Sentinel was staring at me. I wanted to back away but there wasn't much further away to go than the floor. He touched me and I could feel aftershock's fear, uncertainly and something else. Rolling over, I retched. Throwing up all over the Hotel's carpet.
"Pete! What's wrong?"
"He smells like my brother." The Sentinel answered.
Shock emanated through Frank's fingers and into my skin. I started feeling sick again.
The Sentinel pulled me away and I could feel shields wrapping around me. It wasn't before, with my own shields, or like the perfect blending of minds that was supposed to come with a bonding, but it was enough to let me sink back into unconsciousness.
= = = =
I ended up crashing on Gerard and Franks' couch because I had nowhere else to go. Patrick was still out west and even thought I didn't need the money I wished I was still working a dead end job at his clothes shop. It would have been better than being cooped up inside all day. I wanted to leave. To get off of the couch and run away but I didn't because I was a Guide and I'd found my Sentinel.
We were supposed to stay together forever. So why was I sleeping on some strangers couch instead of in my Sentinel's apartment. Had I done something wrong? I didn't think so. There shouldn't have been any thing I could have done to upset him.
It's not like we'd spent any time together. Not after that first bonding. Which brought up the other reason I was in full bitch mode. The need to bond was raking across my nerves in jolts and jabs of pain and need raw enough to feel like it could kill me.
Though some of it probably came from Frank. I should have felt guilty but I was angry instead. Jealous and pissed Frank was my friends he should have been on my side. At least that's what my emotions said.
Logic said that it was a good thing he was bonding with Gerard every chance the two of them got. Unfortunately logic wasn't my strong suit.
"Still moping huh?"
"Yeah."
"It's not that bad really, being bonded. I know it probably seems like it now, but Mikey really is a great guy. He's kind and he really cares about the people around him but his senses have been really out of whack and he's been in therapy. He's not really in a good position to be bonded right now."
"Okay." I wanted to scream at Brian that it wasn't okay. That Mikey wasn't the only one who had problems with that. He was Mikey's friend though not mine. It only made sense that he'd care more about Mikey's feelings than mine. Patrick would have been the same if I'd dared to tell him that I wasn't happily bonded.
"I'm glad you understand. I promise that if you're a little patient things will get better."
"You promise a lot of things." I replied, I wasn't willing to ignore his problems just because I understood them. He didn't feel like he was sure of everything. He felt nervous and troubled. "You don't believe any of it though. You don't know if Mikey's going to get better even if you're scared that his getting worse will drive Gerard over the edge."
"That's none of your business. Etiquette requires you to refrain from reading my mind even if you have the ability to. It's the only way for us to protect our Sentinel's secrets."
"Your the one who knows my Sentinels secrets. Not me. It's not my problem if you don't like me reading your mind. I'm not reading it anyway."
"Then how did you know what I was thinking."
"I knew what you were feeling. It was pretty obvious after that. So why don't you do me a favor and drag Bob off to bond in the guest room. Frank isn't using it right now anyway."
"Excuse me!" The normally unflappable Brian was actually gaping at me. Surely I wasn't still so different that he couldn't handle me? I didn't want to be a freak among Guides too.
"I can feel your need to Bond. It's annoying so why don't you go deal with that and stop bothering me. " I let my body fall to the side and pulled the blanket over my head. Conversation over even if I could still feel Brain's anger over my acting badly. I knew too little about Mikey to care much anyway. He might be my Sentinel but I had my doubts that I was his Guide. Maybe I was just too fucked up to be anyone's Guide if I couldn't even fix my own Sentinel.
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
The last person I was expecting to call me was Brian. Bob maybe, Gerard Definitely, but Brian was usually content to let me screw things up as I wanted to. He's sort things out afterword if he thought it was worth the effort. Which he rarely did.
So when the nurse came up to me and said that someone was on the phone for me, I didn't think twice about heading over to the nurses station and grabbing the headset. "What is it?"
"You need to check yourself out and get over the Gee's house as soon as you can."
"Excuse me?" I stared at the nurses who were shuffling about like zombies. Same as most of the patients. There were some I could tell were listening in on my conversation but I didn't really care. It wasn't like I had anything to say to Brian anyway. "You're not Gee. You can't tell me what to do."
"What about your Guide? If I had him call you would you talk to him or would you still be stubborn and act like you don't care what's happening out in the real world."
"Shut up Brian, you don't know what you are talking about." I was happy here, or close to it anyway. The drugs they were giving me were enough to keep my exhaustion at bay an even though I missed Gee it was nice to have a break and I knew that Frank would take care of them. He was a good Guide."
"Really, I don't know what I'm talking about. So your the one who's watching your Guide sink into depression on Gerard's couch? Oh wait that's impossible because your hiding out in the counseling center."
"I need to be here."
"You needed to be there. Then you found your Guide. If you let him help you then you wouldn't have to hide away."
"It's better this way, Brian, so leave it. If Gee wants to talk you can have him call me otherwise I've got nothing else to see you." I slammed the headset down garnering a glare from the head nurse. I shuffled away it wasn't like I cared what they thought of me here. I was a fuck up in the real world it wasn't like I'd expected that to change once I got here. I just figured things would be simpler when I didn't have to worry about the rest of the world or protecting Gee. It was just me and the other patients. All a bunch of crazies grouped together.
= = = =
Pete’s POV
= = = =
I think we might need to think about sending Pete to the Guide Counseling center." Brian said.
I wondered if he thought I was asleep. Not that I cared either way. My mind and emotions were leaking out of my head and I was too exhausted to try and gather them back in or to sort out whose emotions I should be feeling.
"Are you crazy!!!" good old Frankie.
"No I'm not, but staying on your and Gee's couch isn't' doing him any favors he's just kept getting weaker. OR are you to busy to notice things like that now that your wrapped up in each other."
"Of course I noticed that he was depressed. I'm not a fuckin' idiot, but unless you can magic Mikey up out of no where then there isn't much we can do about it is there. He needs to bond, it's been weeks, and sticking him somewhere where he has to feel the need of even more Sentinels and Guides than he feels here isn't going to help him any. Believe me I’ve seen how he reacts to that kind of pressure." If I’d had my eyes open I didn't have any doubt that I would have seen Frank in his classic ‘tough guy’ pose. I wondered how Bob was reaching to it?
I wanted to see and more importantly I wanted to agree with Frank, to shout at Brian for even considering putting me somewhere where I'd have to dealing with unbounded Sentinels,. I fell asleep instead.
= = = =
Frankie woke me up from my fugue state with the application of a lot of shaking and even more coffee. I still wasn't fully awake butt it wasn't enough for Frank to drag me out of the house and too the airport. He got me on a plane and told me not to get off until I was back on the West Coast.
I didn't have the energy to fight him. It was bad enough being in an airport with so many different people and emotions swirling around. The airplane was a little better. A limited number of people, though putting up with them for hours and hours would be sheer torture. Falling asleep took care of that.
Their emotions weren't so troublesome in dreams. Dreams were always weird.
Patrick gathered me up at the airport and took me home with him. Id' forgotten how calming he was. It was nice, almost like being with Mikey. No that was a lie, if a comforting one. Being with Patrick was nothing like the momentary bliss I'd had with Mikey, but it was still more than I deserved.
I was a fuck up, incapable of being a good friend or fixing my own Sentinel. Sleeping through the rest of my life seemed like a good plan. Particularly once I arrived at Patrick's house in the suburbs. There were fewer people to feel which meant fewer distractions from my rest.
I could still feel Patrick though. He was pissed. Actually pissed didn't even begin to describe what he was feeling. I'd have comforted him when I'd been around him before. Why was it that the thing that I’d always thought would make me better and left me bleeding in the dust and Patrick with me. “I’m sorry Patrick.” I managed to whisper before falling back to sleep.
As I was sinking deeper into uncurious I vaguely felt his anger turn into sadness. Why was it that I always failed to be comforting.
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
It seemed like after Brian’s call, Pete was all I could think about. I’d left him for his own good, for Gee’s good, and maybe even for my own. My plan seemed to have backfired. Now I had to figure out what I was going to do about it.
I was paying more attention now and I started noticing things that I hadn’t but should have. I was feeling not so much happy as alive. I hadn’t had a depressive episode in days if not weeks. In fact I couldn't remember having one sense I got to the Center.
Assuming it was because of the calming atmosphere, I hadn’t thought much of it. Now I couldn’t stop. What if it wasn’t the Center. Could I really be feeding off of Pete’s energy even after we’d only bonded that one time. I’d thought I got away fast enough.
Brian was right though, if I really was messing with Pete I couldn’t stay here. I tried to forget, to stay calm like I was supposed to but now adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I gave up and headed for the nurses station. “I want to check myself out.”
= = = =
I took a cab to Gee’s apartment. I could have called him and he would have come for me but I wanted a chance to adjust to being outside of the Center. To the taste of pollution on my tongue and the soft din of voices that always surrounded me.
It was all so much easier to control then it had been before I went the Center. Before I bonded with Pete. I didn’t know which was the truth anymore because if it was just the Center than I shouldn’t be any better once I was away from it.
Nervous didn't even begin to describe how I was feeling by the time I reached Gee’s doorstep. I was going to see my Guide for the first time in three weeks. This was my chance to make things right.
= = = =
“What do you mean you sent him away!” I yelled. Gee’s Guide didn’t seem the slightest bit impressed, despite being nearly a head shorter than me and thin enough that I could have picked him up and thrown him across the room if I wanted to. And I'd been willing to put up with Gee's revenge. What was it about Guides that made them think they were so tough despite all evidence to the contrary? Would Pete be like this once he stopped being mad at me for running off.
“I mean exactly what it sounds like I mean. He wasn’t getting better here, sleeping on the couch or on the guest bed all day and surrounded by so many emotions, without anyone to shield him from them. So I sent him back west. Patrick will look after him.”
I didn't know who this Patrick was, but the thought of him taking care of MY Guide made my hackles rise. “He’s mine.” I hissed.
Frank blew air through his teeth in a high pitched whistle. “He’s his own man. You ran off. So as far as Patrick and I are concerned whatever rights you might have had are forfeit.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Prove it.”
I would. I’d find Pete and bring him back just to prove Frank's punk ass wrong. Pete was my bondmate. We were meant to be together. No matter what my brother's Guide or this Patrick thought.
= = = =
Pete’s POV
= = = =
I woke up for no apparent reason. I didn’t feel great. Crap was actually too nice of a term for how bad I felt, but I was awake without ingesting half a carafe of coffee and I was going to take advantage of it.
I was dressed in one of Patrick’s oversized shirts, purple and sparkly. A pair of fluffy slippers were halfway stuffed under nightstand. It took me three tries to fish them out with my toes. I didn’t want to risk bending over when I still felt faint.
Stumbling out into the main rooms of his house I headed for the kitchen and the smell of coffee. Just because I’d woken up without the help of caffeine, that didn't mean I still wasn’t craving the rich, brown nectar of the gods.
Patrick was dressed in a black satin robe and the raccoon eyes that showed he hadn’t bothered to clean up his make-up the night before. “How long have I been out?”
“Two days here. At least a week with Frank. Though he said you were kind of out of it after the first week Mikey was gone.”
Yeah that sounded right. I remembered talking with Brian and being vicious. Which I’d have felt guiltier about if I’d been in my right mind. “I’m sorry.”
Pursing his lips he took another sip. “Sorry for what?”
Stupid question, but maybe he thought I hadn’t learned my lesson. “For leaving you to run off with my Sentinel.”
He sighed. “That’s not why I'm upset, Pete. When we first became friends I knew you were a Guide and that one day you’d have to choose your Sentinel over me. It’s not like you betrayed me. I just wish you'd picked a Sentinel who wasn’t such a Jack Ass. I know that you were hoping for something more.”
“He’s really not that bad." I hedged, knowing that I sounded like a complete idiot. I just couldn't help it. No matter how mad I was at Mikey right now, I couldn't stand having somebody bad mouth my Sentinel. "I just wasn’t able to be what he needed so he went to the Center. That way they could fix him and he wouldn’t have to keep bonding with me.” I stared at my coffee, I didn’t feel like drinking it anymore.
“I’m sure it’s not like that. You’re just overly sensitive to the possibility of letting people down. You’re really not a screw up Pete. I just wish you could believe that.”
I didn’t dare look at him. He’d have his bitch face on. The exasperated one that said I was being an idiot but he loved me anyway. “I messed up my one chance to be with someone who could make me better I think that’s pretty much the definition of screwing up.”
“That right there is your problem. You always think you have to become better. I thought the point of having a bond with your Sentinel was to find someone who could love you for who you were not who they could turn you into.”
“Why do you have to be so logical.”
Patrick shuffled his chair over the tiled floor so that we were sitting next to each other and he could wrap an arm around my shoulders and pull me into a hug. “One of us has to be the practical one and I like you just the way you are. So I get to be the logical one.”
I slotted my fingers through his and leaned further into his body. Even though it felt like betraying my own Sentinel, I couldn’t resist saying, “I wish you were a Sentinel, Patrick.”
“So do I.”
= = = =
We eventually finished our breakfast coffees and took our second coffees of the day into the living room. To drink while we watched morning cartoons. It had been way to long since I’d had a good chance to mock Scooby Doo and Spiderman.
I fell partly back to sleep with my head resting on Patrick’s lap, while Fred was explaining how they were going to catch the monster of the week. It was so nice having his soothing emotions washing over me.
= = = =
Mikey’s POV
= = = =
Getting to LA hadn’t been that hard. Even figuring out who Pete was staying with was a no brainer. Patrick had made an impression the first time I’d met him and it was obvious that he and Pete were extremely close.
I tried Patrick’s clothes shop first, only to find it closed with a note on the door saying that the owner had a family emergency and didn’t know when he’d be back to re-open the store. Which proved that I’d been right about where Pete was staying but didn’t put me any closer to finding him. I could feel our bond, what little there was left of it, telling me that my Guide was nearby but it had been too long since we’d bonded. I couldn’t just follow it to him.
Then I tried Google, the phone book, even asking the people who owned the stores around Patrick’s but I was out of luck. Nobody seemed to know what his address was. Finally, I had to give in and call Frank. Who hung up on me as soon as I told him where it was. He made Gerard hang up on me too, but not before my brother managed a quick apology.
He hadn’t counted on Brian though. Between his contacts and Bob’s he could find anybody, anywhere. It took two days, for Brian to text the address to me. But during that time I could feel my bond with Pete growing stronger a little bit at a time. It was still nowhere near strong enough to track but it gave me hope that I hadn’t managed to ruin everything with my short-sightedness.
= = = =
I waited until early the morning after I got the address, to show up on Patrick’s doorstep. I figured he’d be unhappy enough to see me, without my antagonizing him further.
Knocking on the door, I stretched my senses out until I could hear Pete’s heartbeat. He was still asleep but I could hear someone else puttering around the house. I didn’t recognize the heartbeat but he dribble of coffee through the filter and the sizzle of butter in a frying pan was enough to convince me that it was Patrick.
There weren’t many other people I could think of who would make breakfast in his house if Pete was still asleep. I knocked a little louder to get his attention over the noises he was making in the kitchen.
There was the squeak of rubber bottomed sandals against tile and the thump of footsteps approaching. The soft pad of hands against the door and a sigh just a little below the peephole. Then the door swung open and a fist was heading towards my face.
The punch landed before I could react and my ass met the porch’s floor a few seconds after that. The man I assumed was Patrick slammed the door shut.
I’d been worried that Frank would warn him I was coming but it appeared that he didn’t need to be fore-warned to get the drop on me. I’d be impressed if it wasn’t so annoying.
I didn’t feel any better when he opened the door a crack, just to throw a bag of frozen peas at me. Now I couldn’t even hate him.
He left me cooling my heels on the front porch until the sound of the coffee percolating stopped. Then he still didn't let me into the house., but at least he joined me on the front porch with a cup of coffee for each of us. "Why should I let you see Pete?"
"Why is it any of your business if I came to see him. It should be his decision."
"It was his decision to go with you the first time. You took advantage of that to break his heart. I'm his friend. It's my job to make sure that you don't break his heart again."
“That’s our business, not yours.”
“You’re wrong. You might be his Sentinel but it’s obviously your not worthy of the position. So if I can’t trust you to live up to the title your claiming why should I trust you to protect his heart.”
“I’ll do better. I learned my lesson. You have to understand, I didn’t mean to hurt him. I was trying to do the right thing.”
“Well that plan certainly blew up in your face.”
“You’re a bitch aren’t you.” Biting my lip, I cursed myself. This is why I tried to keep my mouth shut and leave the diplomacy to Gee. He was so much better at it than I was.
Thankfully Patrick took my comment in stride. He even chuckled a little, though whether it was because he was humoring me or he actually like being called a bitch I couldn’t really tell. “Yes I am a bitch, but then I get the feeling that you are as well. If you catch my drift.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You sweep in, bond with Pete, drag him across the country, and then abandon him. That’s a dick move even if you don’t add the part where you left his mind unprotected after ripping down his shields.”
"I thought he'd be better off without me. I don't deserve someone like him."
Patrick groaned. "Why do I always end up dealing with the self-sacrificing types. Is it really too much to ask for a self-centered person is it? I don't think so. But no, it's all I'm not worthy and I was trying to protect him or help him."
I didn't' dare to ask what he as talking about. It sounded like Pete felt as bad about what happened as I did, but maybe that was just me not wanting to admit that I'd screwed the guy over. If he felt guilty too then it really wasn't my fault. "I'm not saying I didn't make a huge mistake, but I made it for a good reason. I promise that I won't be so stupid again but that's about all I can promise."
He sighed. “I supposed that’s all I can ask. I’d love to send you away and say that you couldn’t ever come back but I doubt that would work. You seem like the type who’d just keep coming back until you got your way." He stood up with another sigh. “Besides Pete would be pissed if he found out I’d sent you away before he got a chance to talk to you.”
The door didn’t get slammed in my face and I didn’t get punched as I stepped across the thresh-hold. I was willing to take what victories I could. Pete had somehow managed to sleep through Patrick and my whole exchange. His slow, steady heartbeat soothed the nerves getting punched out and being given the shovel talk had caused. This was my one chance to prove that I did have the right to call myself Pete’s Sentinel and this time I was determined not to screw it up.
And I’d make sure that Pete knew my intentions as soon as he woke up.
= = = =
End