To love such a big word with so many different meaningsfor I feel as though this mear four letter word could crush me and all of my spirit with it for I have one thing alone to hold me up and I use her like a crutch. But yet she is so much and i wish she could see that.

Lost in thoughts of anger/ only rage gets in, they are all the same. None of them care they hate me. And I am lost in turmoil. Harsh words and confusing behavior. I want to cry but can't lost to myself, I want to die.

Loathing every inch of me, shutering at my image in themirror, for i am so gastly to myself. Depression falls over me like blaket covered scream slowly drown in my self- hatred. Continuing my sadness into a mindless hysteria of addictions to which I wish to have no control over. Settling into the praise of other for I need it like morphine through ( Read more... )

Stuck inbetween worlds again, they continue to suck the life out of me. For i will embrace my hate and i can fell it grow. Slowly losing self-control. Saying and doing things i don't mean. Letting my addictions take over. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr stuck.

Hate ....... something we all have. But few have the ability to embrace it, to love it. For many it is a word that describes a emotion to over come, something bad. For myself it describes a way of motivation. For i want to hold the world in the palm of my hand, and hate is my mentor. For i use it to drive myself, for when i hate i believe that i am ( Read more... )

Not knowing what to say for she seems to want to be there more than here, wondering what i will do with out her. Always stuck in my lonly world but with her around i can ignor that world more, and be here in her world. Life is so much different for me but she does not see.For I have seen the best of friends be cold and heartless. I care for her and ( Read more... )

lost in a void a pit of used, crazy how i end up hear again and again. Tainting myself and wandering through my little field, and hopelessly waundering the desserts of my metal anguish and unhealthy addiction, lost to the craze. Dieing inside, hiding my out side, thrown in turmoil again how about that...........

Thoughts of things that could, should be, and in the now distant past. Shoved into a whirlwind of emotions that i could possiblly dream a realization of. Caught in a grove far to deep to pull out of. But so hopelessly entwine in my now reality i dare not from it. Putting to rest unaccomplished dreams, never awakened hopes, and dying fantasies ( Read more... )

Swimming through a black endless of space and time. A time with no mening and faceless people. Endless reality lost nly to a nameless void. Quick to turn into something I hate, harsh reality coming to a quick and brutal stop. And all I do is swim in my black void, waiting for a light which will never come and a hope which isn't there.

It funny i burnt my arm on a bagel pan last night. At first i was annoied they it stung a little and today looking at i relized something... that it matches the other scars i own. looking past the pale skin to the red scars that i have so many of. For as scarred as i am, i have found myself. Not to much though for i would grow board easily if i ( Read more... )