Consequences

[checksie_icons5]

This one's a bit crude.  It's one of my older ones.  There's just some simple rhyming with 4 lines per stanza, obviously.  All, if any, feedback is welcomed.  Criticism is what I need...so thanks

Comments

[valiant_one]

Nice job! =) This is really good. The only thing I would have to say is that this section:
[And how I wished these days would
never end
Little did I know
I'd soon have a heart to mend]
Threw my rhythm off just a bit. ;) Other than that- excellentness. Especially if you wrote this whilst venting. I never get anything that good out of my anger, haha. Props.

[checksie_icons5]

LOL, yea it was partly venting. there was SOME thinking involved though. ;) yea, that stanza kinda screws up the whole thing. i couldn't think of anything better that fit. i had to write this for school so i was kinda in a hurry, but it's still no excuse. :S thanks for commenting!

[falloutgirl913]

It's lovely, Checksie dearest! Really the only criticism I can offer is what valiant_one said, about how that one section kind of throws it off a little. But still, I like what it's actually saying there, so I wouldn't say it's a very big deal.

It's really good, especially considering what you said about it just being an older one. :)

[checksie_icons5]

Thanks Carly! And I agree with the criticism. Mucho Gracias for the comment.

[falloutgirl913]

No problem! ;)

[checksie_icons5]

I agree, I like that stanza...simply because that's how I really felt, lol. But thanks for the lovely compliments DoE dearest!

[syrensymphony]

I really love the last two stanzas, but its all really good. Especially when writte nwhile venting as valiant_one said.
btw i'm Bam from Narniaweb.