Conversations 101

[chaoticidealism]

I posted this on Wrong Planet, in response to a member who was having trouble starting conversations with strangers and wondered whether other Aspies had the same problem.

Comments

[fishlivejournal]

Good stuff.

of course, Aspies don't have a monopoly on being socially inept! A trick I learned early on - ask open ended questions about subjects the other person is interested in. You probably won't understand much of what they say, but the nuggets you do can be squirreled away for future reference and/or used for new questions - and they'll love having someone willing to listen.

[chaoticidealism]

Totally. If you can get them started on something they love, you'll get a free lesson and they'll get to talk about something they love. Everybody wins.

scripts, pitches and curve balls

[ext_1528835]

Your method almost sounds like cultivating a stimulus-response reflex to fragments of conversation. It would seem the logical endpoint of this type of effort would sound like this

Re: scripts, pitches and curve balls

[chaoticidealism]

Yeah, in a way it is just a memorized algorithm. The simpler conversations can be done that way. If you're socially anxious, afraid of even trying because you're sure they're going to laugh at you, memorized scripts are the easiest thing to start out with. But in order to handle more involved things, to communicate what you're thinking and feeling, you have to move beyond scripts. That's best done in small groups, in a quiet place, with people who don't mind your fumbling around. When talking to strangers about simple things, scripts work. When trying to share your ideas, they're pretty well useless.

[anonymous]

This is stuff that I have taken for granted... but I will try to be more aware of those who are having trouble with social interactions and being more sensitive to them, especially in school...

[chaoticidealism]

Sometimes that's all it takes. If somebody's having trouble communicating and you're aware of it, then just give them some time, think about what they're saying, ask if you're not sure what they meant, and the idea will usually get across.

[anonymous]

A way I've found that is somewhat successful in dealing with this is concentrating on what I need to get done. If I need to get a new ATM card, and I get asked a question that I haven't scripted for, I will ask, "Is this related to my getting a card?" and if I get a no, I will say "Then I'm not interested, thank you." So basically, I've scripted for the unscriptable stuff, lol.