Conversations 101

[chaoticidealism]

I posted this on Wrong Planet, in response to a member who was having trouble starting conversations with strangers and wondered whether other Aspies had the same problem.

Comments

scripts, pitches and curve balls

[ext_1528835]

Your method almost sounds like cultivating a stimulus-response reflex to fragments of conversation. It would seem the logical endpoint of this type of effort would sound like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuX509bXV_w

Your bank teller example is telling. It serves as an example of why any bank transaction that can be handled through an automated venue such as the website, ATM or pressing buttons on a phone, will be done that way by me, and I'll go to the teller window, basically, when all else fails. Needless to say, I preferentially use self checkout at the dupermarket. Sure, the economics is all wrong, and they've conned their customers into becoming a zero-wage workforce. But if feels so right....

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but "Would you like anything else today?" comes across to my paranoid ears with an almost "You want fries with that[?]" tone. One time I had to call a financial institution to report an ATM card missing. Needless to say, I was dismayed to find out that there was no way to perform this feat without a "talk to a person" option. Probably the weirdest thing about allistic folks is how they speak of "talk to a person" as a feature rather than a bug of voicemail systems... Anyway, no sooner I get the matter of disabling [sic] the lost card and ordering a replacement, the CSR is like, "could I interest you in a home equity line of credit?" One thing that scares the pants off of this aspie is the amount of salespersonship creeping into virtually all job descriptions. Once I saw something on TV, aimed at the kid audience, one of those "what do you want to be when you grow up" things, that profiled someone who recently finished a something like seven year apprenticeship in welding, talking (without a hint of irony) of her job, which consisted of about 50% welding and 50% drumming up welding business. C'est la vie.

Re: scripts, pitches and curve balls

[chaoticidealism]

Yeah, in a way it is just a memorized algorithm. The simpler conversations can be done that way. If you're socially anxious, afraid of even trying because you're sure they're going to laugh at you, memorized scripts are the easiest thing to start out with. But in order to handle more involved things, to communicate what you're thinking and feeling, you have to move beyond scripts. That's best done in small groups, in a quiet place, with people who don't mind your fumbling around. When talking to strangers about simple things, scripts work. When trying to share your ideas, they're pretty well useless.