Many Many Movies!
What with those cheeky Oscars on last night and all, I figured I'd just comment on a few movies I've seen recently. Just because.
Avatar
Probably everyone and their brother has seen Avatar by now. If not, well, I think it's still in a few theaters here and there, so go watch it. Not for depth of plot or any marvelous insight into human nature or any of that metaphysical shit. Go watch it because it is visually spectacular. This movie is worth spending the extra bucks to find an enourmous-ass IMAX screen and some 3D goggles and get literally immersed in a movie.
Everyone's also heard the pro's and con's. "It's just Dances With Smurfs," says South Park. Sure, the tale is one that's tried and true: Big Business wants resources held by Small Locals, and will use any means necessary to drive them out, until someone defects from Big Business's side and helps the Small Locals win. There's a reason the movie didn't get a Best Picture award: the story itself is very basic, follows a formula that's been around for centuries, and offers nothing new or special. This movie should instead have gotten the Prettiest Picture award, because it presents this story in visual splendor that really has not been done before, ever. It's worth it.
Also, I personally think that Sam Worthington does a tremendous job portraying his character, going from crippled soldier to bigass superalien and transforming from one perspective to another over the course of the film. And Sigourney Weaver is unsurprising as... well, herself.
Go see it because it's beautiful. And maybe because Sam Worthington yanks his thong. And because aliens are all USB 2.0-compliant, which will be really important when we finally build a computer the size of a planet to calculate... oh wait, that plot's already taken too.
Sherlock Holmes
How to launch a franchise: take one (1) fictional character who exists in a long-running medium (comic books, serials, novels, etc.), write a plausible "foundation story" for how they came to be, add one (1) archvillain who might not be dead in the end, write in a cliffhanger and a dash of foreshadowings, and voila! a series is born. Case in point: Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes, and Jude Law as Dr. Watson. Last year's reimagining of the famous detective came with a handy dose of action and adventure, while showcasing Holmes's erratic brilliance and Watson's curiosity-borne compulsion to follow him. Mix in some romance and the infamous Moriarty, and you've got a potential recipe for lasting success.
The story follows Holmes's frequent pasttime of debunking potentially supernatural occurences, and while some of these explanations border on the fantastic, it is still fun to watch him explain his deductions and conclusions. Equally fun watching him and Watson beating the holy hell out of their adversaries (although I don't recall the books mentioning anything of Watson's jujitsu background). The villains are villainous, the heroes heroic, and the ladies are panting at Holmes' bare-chested antics. Probably.
Tune in for the sequel in two years, no doubt; I think Downey probably has to alternate Holmes and Iron Man from year to year, effective now. Unless he and Jude Law join the MMA Pro Fighting Tournament. Dr. John Watson vs. George St. Pierre in the Octagon? Now that's pay-per-view action right there.
Shutter Island
Suspense and drama: for me, these are challenging words to see in a movie description. I'll make no bones about it: I like me some action, explosions, ninjas, and Ahnold. So movies of quality are not always my cup of tea. A suspense drama has to work pretty hard to keep my attention, and I went in to this movie expecting a much different movie than what unfolded. However, after thinking about it for a while, I still enjoyed the movie. I just needed to think about it more.
It's a mystery, set on an island which houses an asylum for the criminally insane. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a U.S.Marshal sent to investigate a prisoner's disappearance, and then it goes downhill into crazy time from there. Naturally a movie like this is designed to build up to a big plot twist and revelation, and while it seems a little far-fetched, it's still something I can suspend my disbelief for. The flashback scenes are nicely done, although they're all used in the previews to make this look like a horror movie, rather than a suspense drama.
After a really long time, I realized that I'd seen a movie with a similar plot twist before: Identity, starring John Cusack and some other disposable feebs. Identity is of much lesser quality, but the idea, at the core, is the same.
Also, whenever they finally make "Monopoly: The Movie", I hope Ben Kingsley gets cast as Rich Uncle Moneybags. Slap a bushy white moustache on him and he's nailed the part cold.
There Will Be Blood
The Academy Awards teach me a few things, usually. The most important lesson is, if it wins an award that's not Best Special Effects, then it's a movie I don't want to see. Once in a while this is subverted, like when Return of the King won everything. But nine times out of ten, even being nominated for an award is a death knell in my uncultured book. I learned hard when I watched "No Country For Old Men" a while back, and it took me this long to recover and try again with "There Will Be Blood".
Goddammit, I just never learn. I'm not sure which of these two movies I disliked more. In this case, it's a movie about a guy being a dick. Now, sometimes that's funny. Not here. Literally, the entire movie is about Daniel Day Lewis being a dick. In the last half hour of the film he reaches levels of superdickery previously undreamed of. And it's fairly boring. It's more of a documentary, like "How To Be An Oil Baron In Five Easy Steps", where Step One is "Be A Tremendous Dick". Ciaran "Julius Caesar" Hinds can do nothing to offset the boringness, and only Daniel's hammy hamfulness brings any kind of interest to the final scenes.
In summary, I need to listen to my gut more and heed the warnings that Oscar nominations provide. Fie on thee, "critically acclaimed" works!
On the other hand, beating a man to death with a bowling pin is kinda funny. "Strike!"
Avatar
Probably everyone and their brother has seen Avatar by now. If not, well, I think it's still in a few theaters here and there, so go watch it. Not for depth of plot or any marvelous insight into human nature or any of that metaphysical shit. Go watch it because it is visually spectacular. This movie is worth spending the extra bucks to find an enourmous-ass IMAX screen and some 3D goggles and get literally immersed in a movie.
Everyone's also heard the pro's and con's. "It's just Dances With Smurfs," says South Park. Sure, the tale is one that's tried and true: Big Business wants resources held by Small Locals, and will use any means necessary to drive them out, until someone defects from Big Business's side and helps the Small Locals win. There's a reason the movie didn't get a Best Picture award: the story itself is very basic, follows a formula that's been around for centuries, and offers nothing new or special. This movie should instead have gotten the Prettiest Picture award, because it presents this story in visual splendor that really has not been done before, ever. It's worth it.
Also, I personally think that Sam Worthington does a tremendous job portraying his character, going from crippled soldier to bigass superalien and transforming from one perspective to another over the course of the film. And Sigourney Weaver is unsurprising as... well, herself.
Go see it because it's beautiful. And maybe because Sam Worthington yanks his thong. And because aliens are all USB 2.0-compliant, which will be really important when we finally build a computer the size of a planet to calculate... oh wait, that plot's already taken too.
Sherlock Holmes
How to launch a franchise: take one (1) fictional character who exists in a long-running medium (comic books, serials, novels, etc.), write a plausible "foundation story" for how they came to be, add one (1) archvillain who might not be dead in the end, write in a cliffhanger and a dash of foreshadowings, and voila! a series is born. Case in point: Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes, and Jude Law as Dr. Watson. Last year's reimagining of the famous detective came with a handy dose of action and adventure, while showcasing Holmes's erratic brilliance and Watson's curiosity-borne compulsion to follow him. Mix in some romance and the infamous Moriarty, and you've got a potential recipe for lasting success.
The story follows Holmes's frequent pasttime of debunking potentially supernatural occurences, and while some of these explanations border on the fantastic, it is still fun to watch him explain his deductions and conclusions. Equally fun watching him and Watson beating the holy hell out of their adversaries (although I don't recall the books mentioning anything of Watson's jujitsu background). The villains are villainous, the heroes heroic, and the ladies are panting at Holmes' bare-chested antics. Probably.
Tune in for the sequel in two years, no doubt; I think Downey probably has to alternate Holmes and Iron Man from year to year, effective now. Unless he and Jude Law join the MMA Pro Fighting Tournament. Dr. John Watson vs. George St. Pierre in the Octagon? Now that's pay-per-view action right there.
Shutter Island
Suspense and drama: for me, these are challenging words to see in a movie description. I'll make no bones about it: I like me some action, explosions, ninjas, and Ahnold. So movies of quality are not always my cup of tea. A suspense drama has to work pretty hard to keep my attention, and I went in to this movie expecting a much different movie than what unfolded. However, after thinking about it for a while, I still enjoyed the movie. I just needed to think about it more.
It's a mystery, set on an island which houses an asylum for the criminally insane. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a U.S.Marshal sent to investigate a prisoner's disappearance, and then it goes downhill into crazy time from there. Naturally a movie like this is designed to build up to a big plot twist and revelation, and while it seems a little far-fetched, it's still something I can suspend my disbelief for. The flashback scenes are nicely done, although they're all used in the previews to make this look like a horror movie, rather than a suspense drama.
After a really long time, I realized that I'd seen a movie with a similar plot twist before: Identity, starring John Cusack and some other disposable feebs. Identity is of much lesser quality, but the idea, at the core, is the same.
Also, whenever they finally make "Monopoly: The Movie", I hope Ben Kingsley gets cast as Rich Uncle Moneybags. Slap a bushy white moustache on him and he's nailed the part cold.
There Will Be Blood
The Academy Awards teach me a few things, usually. The most important lesson is, if it wins an award that's not Best Special Effects, then it's a movie I don't want to see. Once in a while this is subverted, like when Return of the King won everything. But nine times out of ten, even being nominated for an award is a death knell in my uncultured book. I learned hard when I watched "No Country For Old Men" a while back, and it took me this long to recover and try again with "There Will Be Blood".
Goddammit, I just never learn. I'm not sure which of these two movies I disliked more. In this case, it's a movie about a guy being a dick. Now, sometimes that's funny. Not here. Literally, the entire movie is about Daniel Day Lewis being a dick. In the last half hour of the film he reaches levels of superdickery previously undreamed of. And it's fairly boring. It's more of a documentary, like "How To Be An Oil Baron In Five Easy Steps", where Step One is "Be A Tremendous Dick". Ciaran "Julius Caesar" Hinds can do nothing to offset the boringness, and only Daniel's hammy hamfulness brings any kind of interest to the final scenes.
In summary, I need to listen to my gut more and heed the warnings that Oscar nominations provide. Fie on thee, "critically acclaimed" works!
On the other hand, beating a man to death with a bowling pin is kinda funny. "Strike!"