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[ceteranna]

Ugh. Sweating over a stupid neuroscience lab, which may possibly end up teaching me something -- I have serious doubts -- but which at the moment is just making me sleepy and frustrated and irritated with myself for not having planned my time better. RARRRGH

Comments

[arlecchinic]

Not really answering either of them truthfully, but since I was told it by a complete stranger the other day, I'm going to pretend it answers one and two.

'Last Sunday at church, the priest said, 'Anyone who puts $100 in the collection bowl can choose three hymns for next week.' This little old lady tottered up to the altar, put her $100 in, then turned around and examined the congregation. 'I'll have him, him and him.'"

Actually, my favourite bad-joke of all is that old classic, "Did Richard III know he was going to be king?"

(obligatory just-in-case-you-don't-know-it-space)

"No, but he had a hunch!"

[signorinakatina]

1. Why did Tigger put his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Poo(h).

2. I wrote about this in my livejournal years ago, actually. It was from the first My Super Sweet Sixteen party ever held, which happened to be hosted by two girls I'd known since we were tiny and on the same soccer team and religion class. (http://signorinakatina.livejournal.com/28733.html)
So here is the excerpt:
On my way out of the bathroom this guy who I didn’t happen to know said, “Hello my lady.” I thought that was cute because it’s so old-fashioned. Anyway he kissed me on the cheek and then I introduced myself and he shook my hand and kissed it. He was very good looking and obviously a surfer: tan, chiseled features, blond hair. He was wearing a tux. I smiled, admired his physical beauty, and then left, thinking I’d never see him again. But no! He found me in the crowd and convinced me-me, the one who never dances-to dance with him. Now I think perhaps my inhibitions had been lowered by

[wao_wao]

I'm terrible at remembering jokes, so I asked my friend to supply one, just for you! :-D

Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong had a ball counting contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Then I got my brother to suggest a couple too. I'm reproducing them almost exactly as he typed them. ;-)

So this bear walks into a bar, and he's all, "Could I get a scotch.........on the rocks?"
And the bartender's like, "Well sure, but what's with the big paws?"
To which he replies, holding up his arms, "I'm a bear!"

So this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. And the bartender's like, "Man, that's got to hurt!"
And the pirate's all, "Yarrg, it's drivin' me nuts."

Hahahaha. Oh, stupid jokes. <3 <3 Hope they cheer you up!

[prof_vencire]

1) "I never liked rock and roll. I always preferred butter and toast

[uta_o_utau]

1. So, these two eskimo walk up to a convent and knock on the door. The Mother Superior comes to the door and the first eskimo says, "I'm sorry to trouble you Mother Superior, but do you have a nun here who is about 3 feet tall and fat?" The Mother Superior thought for a moment and replied, "No, my Son, there are no Sisters here of that description." So the two eskimo leave and find a different convent. The Mother Superior answera when they knock, and the first exkimo asks again, "So sorry to bother you, but is there a fat, 3 foot tall nun living here?" And again the Mother Superior replies, "No my son, there are no Sisters of that description here." So the two eskimo search far and wide and knock on the doors of every convent they could find, but oculdn't find the short, fat nun. Finally they come to the last convent in the entire arctic circle (because there are so many) and knock on the door. When the Mother Superior arrives the first eskimo pleads, "Please, Mother Superior, tell me you have a fat, 3 foot tall nun living

[uta_o_utau]

My link didn't work.

maybe this will work.