Juichigatsu Ame
Title: Juichigatsu Ame
Author: Hime [cess-chan]
Chapter: 6/7
Rating: PG - 13
Pairing: TegoPi
Genre: AU, Romance, Drama
Summary: Tegoshi Yuya was left alone in his apartment in Tokyo after his cousin went back to Kobe. He finds a mysterious young man lying outside his apartment and takes him in only to find out that the man had lost his memory. Tegoshi falls for the man he took in but just like a ticking bomb nearing its end, he fears for the time when that man regains his memory.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters.
[chapter 1][chapter 2][chapter 3][chapter 4][ chapter 5][chapter 7]
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Chapter 6: Choices
It’s not as if he has no trust in his boyfriend. It’s not about his boyfriend’s decision to just stay at home for the whole week and keep themselves glued together in bed. It’s not about all those weird disappearances of newspapers he swore he’d seen on the table moments before it vanished again. It’s not about all those things.
It’s about him.
Something had been bothering him for days now and he still couldn’t quite put a finger into it. He knew something is wrong and that he should fix it but he just didn’t know what that ‘something’ is.
At times he’ll even feel as if his skull would crack open and that his brain would actually burst because he kept on thinking. He would look at Tegoshi at those times, seeking comfort from all the confusion and yet, he couldn’t help but feel that even though Tegoshi’s smile is comforting, he wasn’t really doing it whole heartedly.
He’d wanted to confront his boyfriend about this but what would he say? Comfort me since I don’t feel that you’re doing it sincerely in the past? Wouldn’t that be too harsh for his lover? Wouldn’t that show how little trust he has in this person who had been there for him from the start?
YamaPi felt even more lost as he turned to look at the sleeping form of his boyfriend. Such a beautiful creature sleeping peacefully on that huge bed… There’s just too much innocence that YamaPi felt guilty for even doubting him.
As Tegoshi moans slightly in his sleep, turning to the other side to make himself more comfortable, YamaPi closed the bedroom door and sat on the couch in front of the television set. He was tired but he didn’t want to sleep yet. He wanted to clear his mind and solve all the questions in it. If possible.
Pause.
YamaPi suddenly straightened himself as he saw something tucked carelessly in between the magazines and photo albums beside the television set. It isn’t easily noticeable since the cabinet beside it is pretty huge. Slowly, YamaPi reached for the bundled pieces of paper, frowning as he realize that they were the ‘missing newspapers’ he’d been looking for each and every day. His frown deepened as he began reading the articles, his heart thumping loudly with every line he reads.
Why?
He had sensed it long before this; knew that something was wrong. Felt it, but ignored it fully.
He loved Tegoshi too much. He trusted the boy too much. And that boy… had lied to him. Even when they made love, he lies to him. Even when they kiss or chat or cook food together… All these time, he had been lying to him.
It had all been a lie. He had been living in lies. A world Tegoshi had created to fit his needs, his wants, his everything. He had sensed it yet, he still became Tegoshi’s puppet.
Breathing heavily, YamaPi threw a pained glance at the closed bedroom door, his heart breaking to pieces with every bit of information revealed by all these papers that had been kept to him. All the memories he lost was finally coming back to him yet, instead of feeling a sense of fulfillment, he felt empty and lost.
It had been the fulfillment of what he’s wishing for but instead of feeling happy, he felt the bittersweet taste of life that time. The irony of all things; for finally, he knew his true self and yet, he had also lost something important to him. Not that he actually wanted to throw what he and Tegoshi shared together. That would be the least thing he’d ever want to do.
But then there are times when we just had to do something not because we want to but because we have to… And YamaPi knew that the time to do things because he has to… is now.
“I loved you… But I just couldn’t live in lies, Yuya.”
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The woman had clung to him the moment she saw him on her doorstep. He was taken by surprise but he still returned the hug for he knew that it was what he is supposed to do-what was expected of him to do. Whether he wanted to do it or not, that is another story.
“Tomohisa… I thought I’d never see you again,” Maki cried as she buried her face in YamaPi’s chest.
YamaPi gently patted the woman’s back, smiling weakly as he assured her that he’s perfectly fine and that he won’t be leaving her anymore.
“I never thought… Cause you’ve lost your memory…that boy… Tegoshi” Maki said between sobs.
YamaPi frowned slightly at the mention of Tegoshi’s name. “You knew him?”
“Of course I know him! That boy… When I went there to see you, he came to me and slapped me. Can you believe that boy’s guts?”
“He did that?”
Maki’s lip began to quiver. “Would I lie to you Tomohisa?”
(I know Yuya would never lie to me.)
YamaPi’s head began to hurt as he remembered the time he said those lines… He never wanted to remember it again. Never.
“Would I lie to you, Tomohisa?” Maki repeated.
(He’ll never lie to me… I know… Never will lie to me…)
“Tomohisa…”
“I’m sorry. Of course you’ll never lie to me,” YamaPi finally said.
Yuya will never lie to me… Because he already did.
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Tegoshi turned to the doorway the moment he heard the familiar creaking sound. He felt anxious. Yesterday morning when he woke up, YamaPi wasn’t there. At first he thought he was in the kitchen or something but when he went around the house, he wasn’t there.
Yesterday, he was anxious; not knowing what to think or what to say when YamaPi comes back. Today, he felt scared for he knew that there’s a big chance that YamaPi already knows about his past since he saw the newspapers he’d kept laid out on the table when he went to the kitchen.
“YamaPi… Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you since yesterday…”
YamaPi took off his coat and shrugged carelessly. “Home.”
Tegoshi blinked. “What?”
“I went home.”
“But this is-“
“Not home. You’ve seen it before right?” YamaPi broke him off.
Tegoshi frowned. “Seen what?”
“The papers.” YamaPi started. “Those things that you’ve been hiding from me. I left them on the kitchen table before I left yesterday.”
Tegoshi froze. Of course. Of course he must have known it by now. YamaPi isn’t stupid to fail to recognize himself, is he?
Tegoshi bit his lip as he frantically thought of something to say. “YamaPi-“
“Tomohisa.” YamaPi said in a strange voice. “I still haven’t introduced myself properly, have I?”
A soft sob escaped Tegoshi’s lips as he saw how his boyfriend changed. How his selfish actions had changed his boyfriend…
“Yamashita Tomohisa desu,” YamaPi continued. “Maa… It’s Tomohisa for you, isn’t it? Since we’re in that kind of relationship after all…”
Tegoshi stopped sobbing at this, his eyes darting towards his boyfriend’s direction. “You’re not mad at me?”
YamaPi sighed heavily and sat on the couch, pulling Tegoshi with him. “I should be,” he said after awhile. “But I couldn’t, Yuya. You know I just couldn’t.”
Tegoshi’s eyes were immediately filled with tears. He couldn’t believe YamaPi isn’t mad. But it was a relief to him. It was a really good thing for he just couldn’t think about what’ll happen if YamaPi will hate him.
Tegoshi smiled through the tears and leaned in, placing a wet sloppy kiss on YamaPi’s lips. YamaPi moaned at this and wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist, lifting Tegoshi until he’s finally straddling him on the couch. YamaPi turned and smiled-rather weakly-as Tegoshi moved from his lips to his collarbone, sucking and nipping the sensitive skin there. YamaPi never wanted it to end. Never. He wanted it to be a permanent thing for both of them. Sadly, the most permanent thing in this world… is change.
“Yuya,” he breathed out, pulling the boy from where he’s busy nipping YamaPi’s collarbone.
“Why?” Tegoshi asked, slightly dazed.
“I have to leave now,” YamaPi said.
“Oh…” Tegoshi nodded without completely understanding what YamaPi meant.
YamaPi raised a brow.
“Wait-WHAT??” Tegoshi’s eyes grew large and round as he finally realizes what YamaPi meant.
YamaPi smiled bitterly. “I’ll be leaving now. My family is waiting for me… I had to do other things now… I have to.”
“I thought you’re not mad at me,” Tegoshi could detect the disappointment and hopelessness in his own voice and he hated it.
“I’m not, Yuya. But… I have to go. There are things that I have to do.”
Somehow, Tegoshi felt that YamaPi never really wanted to go but he has no choice. Maybe he has, but in choosing the other option, he would be hurting a lot more people. Looking at his lover’s eyes, Tegoshi knew that this is really goodbye. Too soon. Too painful. But it’s what reality dictates.
“Sou ka…” Tegoshi muttered, nodding slowly in understanding but making no move to leave YamaPi’s lap. “Can you do something for me then? Just before you go…”
“Anything,”
Tegoshi smiled and stood in front of YamaPi. He began unbuttoning his shirt, his eyes never leaving his YamaPi’s. As he finally discarded his shirt, he moved to discard his pants as well but was stopped by YamaPi.
“Let me,” YamaPi sounded strange but Tegoshi did not took notice of it. With YamaPi’s sleek and powerful hands, he wa sable to remove both his and Tegoshi’s clothing, his heart thumping loudly with anticipation of what was to come.
“Let me do it all for you, Yuya.” YamaPi whispered as he place Tegoshi on the huge bed. The moment their eyes met, the thoughts of yesterday and tomorrow we’re all forgotten. It was now-the present-that matters to them.
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The soft chirping of the birds woke him up. He didn’t open his eyes though for he’s afraid of what he’s going to see-or rather, what he’s not going to see. But then reality could reach you no matter how hard you try to hide from it.
Tegoshi sensed it. The air grazing his naked body felt incredibly cold. A strange atmosphere seemed to envelope him, close him in. It was choking him… Killing him mercilessly.
Tegoshi felt the tears coming now. Last night, it was really goodbye. It was no use to cry now since nothing would ever change. It was bound to happen sooner or later anyway. Sadly, it turned out to be sooner.
Tegoshi opened his eyes slowly, the light coming from the window momentarily blinding him. He shielded his eyes with a hand and sat up, wincing as he felt the soreness come. He looked down and smiled weakly at the sight of the bruises on his hips and thigh.
Still wincing, Tegoshi moved to get out of the bed but stopped at the sight of a rose in the side of the bed where YamaPi used to sleep. Tegoshi took the single rose in his trembling hands, holding it close to his heart knowing that it’s the last gift that he’ll ever receive from his lover.
“Sayonara, YamaPi.”
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Gomen ne minna… This one is really short and it took me ages before I updated… I was busy so… hontou gomen!! The next chap will probably be the last..or maybe not… I’m still debating if I should make it to chapter 8. I’ confused. >.< Aizawa-sensai, tasukete!!! ß-lol. Result of my Code Blue addiction. Forgive me.