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ceris

(Untitled)

Aug 16, 2005 20:26

Ugh, had a bit of a crap day today. Went for counselling cos of my 'issues'. Given the nature of the NHS and my financial situation, i.e. I can't afford private therapy, I've had to wait since May for an appointment. Anyway, this is how it went (behind cut for those who don't want to read about my emotional fuckuppery.

( just when you think it's safe to think you're getting better... )

Comments 11

dolphindancer05 August 16 2005, 19:48:56 UTC

It sounds like you might have a winner there with the therapist...don't let up and you can get past it and get on with life!

ceris August 17 2005, 07:50:13 UTC

Hi there and thanks for the encouragement :-) I know I'll get over this, have before, but this time I want an end to it.

dolphindancer05 August 17 2005, 16:56:52 UTC

Have you tried meds? Sometimes you can't end it without them. I've got a history in my family of clinical depression, so before I was a brooding mess of emotions. Once I found the meds, I'm able to cope and be functional and not scare the hell out of the people around me.

ceris August 18 2005, 07:59:31 UTC

Oh yeah, I've been on meds for three years, and frankly, I'm desperate to come off them. Thing is, they lift the depression fine, but they don't deal with the inner problems that lead to the depression. That's why I sought counselling, which I hope will help me come to terms with stuff that's happened to me.

oohlaphlegm August 17 2005, 15:06:45 UTC

I have been waiting since January for an appointment. I was told the waiting list was 6 months but when I phoned again in July to find out when my appointment was due, they said it could be up to a YEAR to get seen!!! It's ridiculous, and at £30 per session I can't afford to go private either. :( It's about time mental health was taken more seriously. I decided to take control of the situation myself by reading lots of self-help books and doing the exercises. So far it is working, but I'm too scared to try to come off the Seroxat until I've been seen by a counsellor. (My problem is anxiety attacks and agoraphobia, which can lead to depression too. I've had it on/off for about 7 years, but the relapse this time was due to the break up with my boyfriend ( ... )

ceris August 17 2005, 16:10:47 UTC

Please, feel free to rant! I think it's awful, the way mental health is still so sidelined, when there are so many people suffering. I've noticed this since teaching creative writing; so many of my students have problems and one, who was schizophrenic, actually committed suicide last year. Really really sad; only 21. I also think it's bad, how counselling is so difficult to come by on the NHS; we need more trained counsellors. Self help books are useful - one on depression has helped me immensely and is a lifelife - but not as useful as having dialogue with a professional ( ... )

oohlaphlegm August 17 2005, 20:20:56 UTC

one, who was schizophrenic, actually committed suicide last year :((((((((( That is awful! Thank God, I've never felt that low. Touch wood.

_starcrossed_ August 18 2005, 14:14:07 UTC

*HUGS*

I am so sorry, luv, to hear that you are going through a rough patch again. I just want things to get better for you!

Know that I am here, if you need me.

I think it's rough all over to get mental health services. My husband has great insurance through his job, but they aren't so keen to shell out for anything mental health related.

ceris August 19 2005, 11:31:35 UTC

It's not so much a rough patch as a feeling of why bother? But I'm feeling so much better since I wrote the post, so at least I'm learning to deal with it. I think counselling will help me. I still have lots of stuff in my head to sort out and this time I want to do it properly. Am trying to come off meds too. Sick of being chemically controlled. I just want to be 'me', whoever I might evolve into :-)

*hugs*

_starcrossed_ August 19 2005, 12:07:03 UTC

I do not blame you for not wanting to be chemically controlled. I took anti-depressants for a while a few years back, and they were not for me.

I am sure whatever 'you' evolves, that we will love her.

boomtownrat August 19 2005, 21:53:00 UTC

This is nothing new for me. I've had a sense of being not good enough ever since I can remember. Those of you who are only children and the centre of their parents' world may recognise this.

I'm not an only child, but -- my therapist and I were just talking about this yesterday, in fact -- being nearly nine years younger than my youngest sibling means that I did have an only-child kind of childhood in many ways. I can certainly identify with the sense of not being good enough, and on top of that, I've always felt I needed to live up to my oldest brother's example, since he's the golden child and I've always felt like I needed to do something just as impressive as he did (high-ranking military career, very financially sound, etc.). However, even though I feel the need to do something great and impressive, I've been floundering for years and years because my depression and massive case of insecurity have taken so much of the life out of me. So, for different reasons, I can understand that feeling very well.

It's suffice to say I have ( ... )