fic; TBBT: Green With Something.
title: Green With Something.
fandom: The Big Bang Theory.
pairing: Penny/Sheldon
rating: PG-13? / T.
spoilers: None for the show, mentions of a little Star Trek movie stuff.
words: 2388.
disclaimer: Fiction. I don't even know any real-life scientists, so.
notes: I haven't written Big Bang Theory fic since that stretch of several of them a while ago, but I volunteered to write a prize for a contest the sheldon_penny community was/is doing and, uh, so here's this. thelymachy won and asked for:
Penny cosplays as uh... SOMEONE AWESOME. AND NERDY. Cue shock and awe among the NerdHerd. Sheldon is a must!
And with a T rating (hints at later-on sex/make-out, I think, or something). So adult without anything in detail, basically.
All that said, the fic I wrote ended up ridiculous. IT IS RIDICULOUS. I AM SORRY.
Penny's first thought when she ruins half her bathroom with green body paint is to ruin Sheldon's couch cushion. It's kind of a mean thought -- his spot is way more precious to him than her toilet brush is to her -- but, like, tricking her into putting on green body paint was pretty mean, right?
Yeah, yeah, he let her use his university discount to replace her laptop, but, really, she wouldn't have even broken her laptop if Sheldon knocked like a normal person and didn't scare her into spilling her cranberry juice all. over. it. She's not sure who taught him about the whole, "you owe me one" thing but, whoever it is, she's going to murder them.
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, at least for neighbor relations), by the time she's inside their apartment and ready to go, her paint has dried. Plus, the guys are watching her like she's just sprouted a unicorn horn, so they'd probably notice her writhing around the couch. Writhing probably wouldn't help at all, actually.
"I can't believe you're making me do this." She glares at Sheldon with his fake pointy ears and crosses her arms, feeling the paint stick and pull at her skin.
Leonard chimes in.
"I can't believe you didn't just ask me for my discount, Penny. After Wolowitz told Sheldon about the social use of 'quid pro quo,' I thought we were all on the same page about not letting him get one up on us." (Oh, it was Wolowitz. Of course.) His voice almost sounds like he's scolding her. Whatever, that gold shirt he's wearing totally washes him out.
"I resent the implication of that sentence, Leonard. Were you not vociferously advocating for Penny-as-Gaila alongside Howard and Raj? I was merely going to ask for a ride to the comic book shop next week, but you said I should have her --"
Leonard yelps, cutting Sheldon off, but it's too late. She levels a glare at Leonard, "This could've just been a RIDE?"
He goes red and shrugs, trying to recover. "Aw, come on, Penny, it'll be fun. You even admitted you liked that movie."
"Yeah, when I saw it the FIRST time, 10 months ago. Why do you guys even need to go the theater? You watch that DVD, like, every week."
Wolowitz butts in. "Penny, allow me to explain the time-honored tradition of the midnight viewing. When movies achieve a certain beloved place in the culture, re-watching them in the theater becomes a way to revere them. Like-minded fans can come together for discourse and they --" Raj whispers in his ear. "Yeah, all right, dressing up is just really fun." He smiles his cheesy little grin.
"Whatever. Let's just go." She really wouldn't mind watching Star Trek again and seeing Chris Pine's face two stories high, she just doesn't want to do it in a slutty dress, covered in green shit.
She heads out the door, the boys trooping behind her. Sheldon and Wolowitz in blue uniforms, Leonard in that gold one (she doesn't care if he's Kirk, she's not making out with him again. Ever.) and Raj in red. Poor Raj.
The theater is crawling with Starfleet uniforms, so they blend in, which is comforting. When Sheldon spots another Gaila and remarks on her commendable dedication because she also has the red hair, Penny almost decks him. Wigs are arguably itchier than paint and there was no way she was dying her hair over a 40 buck computer discount.
"Gaila went blonde, like, almost immediately after the movie ended, Sheldon."
"There is no way to know that, Penny. We're unaware what ship she was assigned to -- in fact, she may not have even survived the battle."
"Yeah, no, she definitely survived. And she dyed her hair in mourning, OK?
Sheldon looks thoughtful for a second, like he's seriously considering that, and Penny takes the opportunity to book it for the snack bar.
"I'll meet you guys in there," she calls over her shoulder.
The line for the snack bar is longer than she's ever seen it, so she ends up people-watching to kill time. It really does look like everybody's having a blast. She watches a group of awkward-looking teenagers laugh and talk, cracking each other up, until a group of awkward-looking adults bump into them.
The next few minutes are like spying on some alternate universe's culture. She figures out there's a whole nerd hierarchy, with bullies and everything. It's just like high school, but turned on its ear. She only catches snippets of the conversation, but even if she'd heard everything, she's sure she wouldn't have understood. Yelling about canon and authenticity. One of the adults is gesturing wildly at the emblem on his shirt and the emblem on one of the teenager's shirts. It's...outfit nit-picking?
The skinniest of the teenagers is dressed in blue and taller than anyone on either side. She watches him try to reason with the bullies -- she can tell from his stance that he's not being aggressive or anything, just trying to talk. One of the bullies shoves him and he trips backward, stumbling into a wall with a thud. It's an awful trainwreck, she should do something, she's going to do something --
"Miss? Miss? What would you like?" The girl behind the concession stand is staring at her. She quickly orders her popcorn and when the girl shuffles off to get it, Penny glances back toward the kids. The bullies are gone, but the skinny boy looks panicked, clutching his left ear while his friends search on the ground beneath him. What are they doing? She can't figure it out, but then notices the boy's other ear is pointy -- he must have lost part of his costume. She scans the ground and sees it -- a flesh-colored pointy thing lying just outside the theater's entrance.
"It's right there!" She yells, pointing at it. The boy notices and goes for it as his friends stand up. Once he gets it, he turns toward her and gives her a little bow. Kind of a weird gesture, but strangely endearing. As they enter the theater, she hears the shortest guy say, "Dude, hot blonde Gaila totally saved your Vulcan butt."
Penny's not sure why she does it, but at the last second she adds on to her order -- an Icee. When she finally finds the guys, she gives it Sheldon without a word.
The movie is just as good as she remembered, if not way more entertaining with all the yelling people are doing at the screen. When the scene with Kirk on top of Gaila comes around, somebody wolf whistles and she feels popcorn hit the back of her head. It's almost, almost flattering.
They stay until the very end of the credits, Sheldon explaining to her that to leave without acknowledging the work of various grips and catering staffers is like reading a book without knowing the author. She doesn't exactly follow his reasoning on that, but, well, she doesn't usually follow it.
By the time they get back out to the lobby, the crowd has mostly thinned out. Howard and Raj peel off for the restrooms, so she stands with Sheldon and Leonard near the doors.
She's picking at the paint on her arms when she hears Sheldon using his offended voice, the high-pitched one. "Excuse me!" he says and she can hear the annoyance in his tone.
"Yeah, you're right, excuse you." It's those dicks from before the movie and one of them clearly just bumped into Sheldon. Probably on purpose.
She rolls her eyes and tries to nip whatever this might turn into in the bud. "Boys, boys, we're all friends here."
"Stuff it, blonde Gaila." Why is everyone so hung on the blonde thing? Jesus Christ, you would've thought she'd come dressed as Princess Leia or something. Wait, wait, wait, did he just tell her to stuff it? Oh hell no.
She's about to say something when Leonard steps in. "Come on, guys, there's no need to be like that to her. And Sheldon's sorry he was in your way. Right, Sheldon?"
Sheldon's lack of a self-preservation instinct becomes painfully clear. "I was in their way? I hardly think so, Leonard. I had been occupying the same spot for the last 46.2 seconds, certainly long enough to be visible to anyone walking in the general vicinity. I believe this oafish approximation of Mirror Spock was in my way."
The guy gawks at Sheldon for a minute and Penny hears his friend whisper to him, "I told you you should've shaved that goatee."
"Shut up," Mirror Spock snaps at his friend before turning back to Sheldon.
"Listen to me, you little bandwagon fan. Just because you like seeing the guy from Heroes all dressed up in his pointy ears doesn't give you the right to come to MY theater and disrespect me. I bet you ran right out and bought your first copy of The Killing Joke when Dark Knight came out, too."
What happens next is something Penny will spend years trying to figure out. It's a flurry of trivia and random facts and a language that is not even English. If the thing before the movie was a nerd high school, this is a nerd pissing contest.
Raj and Wolowitz come out of the bathroom and jump right in and all the sudden there's a crowd of other people taking part, too. It's like the brawl scene from 'Anchorman,' but, you know, without the tridents and maiming.
It goes on for at least five minutes, right up until an usher starts waving a popcorn scooper around threateningly. When they start back up on the walk to the parking lot, it looks like Sheldon's pulling into the lead. He's talking so rapidly Penny can barely understand until the very end. "...Finally, I have, in my possession, the DNA of Leonard Nimoy. Am I correct in assuming the closest such item you have is an autograph, that, I might add, you probably had to pay some obscene sum to acquire?"
Mirror Spock's face falls and it's clear Sheldon has won.
It's really, like, it's -- strangely hot. She's always had a thing for bad boys, the guys that got in fights and won. And in some strange way, Sheldon is sort of his own version of that right now. Without throwing a single punch. Hm.
The best part of being with the guy that won the fight was always the kiss that came afterward. The victory kiss, the one that made the other guy feel even worse and the one that always made her feel special, even if fighting was a stupid thing to do in the first place.
And it's in thinking about that, in the streetlamp-lit parking lot, covered in green body paint and surrounded by a bunch of Starfleet pretenders, that she gets up on tiptoe and kisses Sheldon on the cheek. Quick enough that he doesn't have time to recoil and long enough that everybody sees it.
Unfortunately, Mirror Spock uses it as a chance to get in one last dig.
"Can't even kiss your girl like a man. Figures."
Penny's had enough of this guy, with his stupid goatee and his bullying and his tacky insults. And since she can't speak Klingon, she does the only thing she can think of to strike back. She wheels Sheldon around by the arm and kisses him on the mouth.
He's totally stiff for several long moments and she's almost ready to give up. Sheldon's probably scared and even this innocent little kiss is likely more than most of these guys have had in a while (or ever) so her point's probably been made. But then, she feels Sheldon's mouth move, just a little, such a tiny movement she could've imagined it. She tightens her grip on his arm, just to see, and then his mouth moves again, catching her bottom lip between his.
She can hear Wolowitz flipping out and hears Leonard groan, but she's gone this far and, well, maybe Sheldon could use a good kiss, maybe it would help...something, so instead of pulling back, she opens her mouth. Barely missing a beat, Sheldon does the same and then there she is, in the movie theater parking lot, making out with Sheldon.
His mouth still tastes faintly of cherry Icee and his tongue moves in jerky, unsure bursts, but it's not bad, it's really not, and at some point he'd gotten his arms loosely around her and his hands are resting just at the small of her back and everything just feels sort of nice. In the same way it felt nice when he hugged her in return for that fight-winning napkin.
She sweeps her tongue along the inside of his mouth and lifts a hand to thread through the back of his hair and things are really starting to get interesting, like, maybe phaser in the pants interesting, when she hears a car pass and, "Get a room!"
She pulls away from Sheldon as he lurches backward and the parking lot comes crashing back into view. Leonard, Howard and Raj are gawking, all red in the face, and Mirror Spock glares at them before herding his friends toward the car with a grunt. As he leaves, Penny watches as he throws up one of those 'live long and prosper' hand signs, before bending three fingers down to flash the bird.
On the car ride home, she watches Sheldon shift repeatedly in his seat and catches Wolowitz looking back and forth between her and Sheldon. But he doesn't say anything. No one does. The entire ride. When they drop Wolowitz off at home, he barely even says goodbye (he manages a leer though). And Raj doesn't say anything when they drop him off either, but, then, no one expected him to.
When they're finally home and splitting off in the hallway, she calls after Sheldon just before he and Leonard disappear through the door.
"Next time I'm going as Uhura."
Sheldon doesn't seem like he gets it, but three weeks later, when they're in some elevator in some building, he presses a button and kisses her again, so maybe he does.
&&.
fandom: The Big Bang Theory.
pairing: Penny/Sheldon
rating: PG-13? / T.
spoilers: None for the show, mentions of a little Star Trek movie stuff.
words: 2388.
disclaimer: Fiction. I don't even know any real-life scientists, so.
notes: I haven't written Big Bang Theory fic since that stretch of several of them a while ago, but I volunteered to write a prize for a contest the sheldon_penny community was/is doing and, uh, so here's this. thelymachy won and asked for:
Penny cosplays as uh... SOMEONE AWESOME. AND NERDY. Cue shock and awe among the NerdHerd. Sheldon is a must!
And with a T rating (hints at later-on sex/make-out, I think, or something). So adult without anything in detail, basically.
All that said, the fic I wrote ended up ridiculous. IT IS RIDICULOUS. I AM SORRY.
Penny's first thought when she ruins half her bathroom with green body paint is to ruin Sheldon's couch cushion. It's kind of a mean thought -- his spot is way more precious to him than her toilet brush is to her -- but, like, tricking her into putting on green body paint was pretty mean, right?
Yeah, yeah, he let her use his university discount to replace her laptop, but, really, she wouldn't have even broken her laptop if Sheldon knocked like a normal person and didn't scare her into spilling her cranberry juice all. over. it. She's not sure who taught him about the whole, "you owe me one" thing but, whoever it is, she's going to murder them.
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, at least for neighbor relations), by the time she's inside their apartment and ready to go, her paint has dried. Plus, the guys are watching her like she's just sprouted a unicorn horn, so they'd probably notice her writhing around the couch. Writhing probably wouldn't help at all, actually.
"I can't believe you're making me do this." She glares at Sheldon with his fake pointy ears and crosses her arms, feeling the paint stick and pull at her skin.
Leonard chimes in.
"I can't believe you didn't just ask me for my discount, Penny. After Wolowitz told Sheldon about the social use of 'quid pro quo,' I thought we were all on the same page about not letting him get one up on us." (Oh, it was Wolowitz. Of course.) His voice almost sounds like he's scolding her. Whatever, that gold shirt he's wearing totally washes him out.
"I resent the implication of that sentence, Leonard. Were you not vociferously advocating for Penny-as-Gaila alongside Howard and Raj? I was merely going to ask for a ride to the comic book shop next week, but you said I should have her --"
Leonard yelps, cutting Sheldon off, but it's too late. She levels a glare at Leonard, "This could've just been a RIDE?"
He goes red and shrugs, trying to recover. "Aw, come on, Penny, it'll be fun. You even admitted you liked that movie."
"Yeah, when I saw it the FIRST time, 10 months ago. Why do you guys even need to go the theater? You watch that DVD, like, every week."
Wolowitz butts in. "Penny, allow me to explain the time-honored tradition of the midnight viewing. When movies achieve a certain beloved place in the culture, re-watching them in the theater becomes a way to revere them. Like-minded fans can come together for discourse and they --" Raj whispers in his ear. "Yeah, all right, dressing up is just really fun." He smiles his cheesy little grin.
"Whatever. Let's just go." She really wouldn't mind watching Star Trek again and seeing Chris Pine's face two stories high, she just doesn't want to do it in a slutty dress, covered in green shit.
She heads out the door, the boys trooping behind her. Sheldon and Wolowitz in blue uniforms, Leonard in that gold one (she doesn't care if he's Kirk, she's not making out with him again. Ever.) and Raj in red. Poor Raj.
The theater is crawling with Starfleet uniforms, so they blend in, which is comforting. When Sheldon spots another Gaila and remarks on her commendable dedication because she also has the red hair, Penny almost decks him. Wigs are arguably itchier than paint and there was no way she was dying her hair over a 40 buck computer discount.
"Gaila went blonde, like, almost immediately after the movie ended, Sheldon."
"There is no way to know that, Penny. We're unaware what ship she was assigned to -- in fact, she may not have even survived the battle."
"Yeah, no, she definitely survived. And she dyed her hair in mourning, OK?
Sheldon looks thoughtful for a second, like he's seriously considering that, and Penny takes the opportunity to book it for the snack bar.
"I'll meet you guys in there," she calls over her shoulder.
The line for the snack bar is longer than she's ever seen it, so she ends up people-watching to kill time. It really does look like everybody's having a blast. She watches a group of awkward-looking teenagers laugh and talk, cracking each other up, until a group of awkward-looking adults bump into them.
The next few minutes are like spying on some alternate universe's culture. She figures out there's a whole nerd hierarchy, with bullies and everything. It's just like high school, but turned on its ear. She only catches snippets of the conversation, but even if she'd heard everything, she's sure she wouldn't have understood. Yelling about canon and authenticity. One of the adults is gesturing wildly at the emblem on his shirt and the emblem on one of the teenager's shirts. It's...outfit nit-picking?
The skinniest of the teenagers is dressed in blue and taller than anyone on either side. She watches him try to reason with the bullies -- she can tell from his stance that he's not being aggressive or anything, just trying to talk. One of the bullies shoves him and he trips backward, stumbling into a wall with a thud. It's an awful trainwreck, she should do something, she's going to do something --
"Miss? Miss? What would you like?" The girl behind the concession stand is staring at her. She quickly orders her popcorn and when the girl shuffles off to get it, Penny glances back toward the kids. The bullies are gone, but the skinny boy looks panicked, clutching his left ear while his friends search on the ground beneath him. What are they doing? She can't figure it out, but then notices the boy's other ear is pointy -- he must have lost part of his costume. She scans the ground and sees it -- a flesh-colored pointy thing lying just outside the theater's entrance.
"It's right there!" She yells, pointing at it. The boy notices and goes for it as his friends stand up. Once he gets it, he turns toward her and gives her a little bow. Kind of a weird gesture, but strangely endearing. As they enter the theater, she hears the shortest guy say, "Dude, hot blonde Gaila totally saved your Vulcan butt."
Penny's not sure why she does it, but at the last second she adds on to her order -- an Icee. When she finally finds the guys, she gives it Sheldon without a word.
The movie is just as good as she remembered, if not way more entertaining with all the yelling people are doing at the screen. When the scene with Kirk on top of Gaila comes around, somebody wolf whistles and she feels popcorn hit the back of her head. It's almost, almost flattering.
They stay until the very end of the credits, Sheldon explaining to her that to leave without acknowledging the work of various grips and catering staffers is like reading a book without knowing the author. She doesn't exactly follow his reasoning on that, but, well, she doesn't usually follow it.
By the time they get back out to the lobby, the crowd has mostly thinned out. Howard and Raj peel off for the restrooms, so she stands with Sheldon and Leonard near the doors.
She's picking at the paint on her arms when she hears Sheldon using his offended voice, the high-pitched one. "Excuse me!" he says and she can hear the annoyance in his tone.
"Yeah, you're right, excuse you." It's those dicks from before the movie and one of them clearly just bumped into Sheldon. Probably on purpose.
She rolls her eyes and tries to nip whatever this might turn into in the bud. "Boys, boys, we're all friends here."
"Stuff it, blonde Gaila." Why is everyone so hung on the blonde thing? Jesus Christ, you would've thought she'd come dressed as Princess Leia or something. Wait, wait, wait, did he just tell her to stuff it? Oh hell no.
She's about to say something when Leonard steps in. "Come on, guys, there's no need to be like that to her. And Sheldon's sorry he was in your way. Right, Sheldon?"
Sheldon's lack of a self-preservation instinct becomes painfully clear. "I was in their way? I hardly think so, Leonard. I had been occupying the same spot for the last 46.2 seconds, certainly long enough to be visible to anyone walking in the general vicinity. I believe this oafish approximation of Mirror Spock was in my way."
The guy gawks at Sheldon for a minute and Penny hears his friend whisper to him, "I told you you should've shaved that goatee."
"Shut up," Mirror Spock snaps at his friend before turning back to Sheldon.
"Listen to me, you little bandwagon fan. Just because you like seeing the guy from Heroes all dressed up in his pointy ears doesn't give you the right to come to MY theater and disrespect me. I bet you ran right out and bought your first copy of The Killing Joke when Dark Knight came out, too."
What happens next is something Penny will spend years trying to figure out. It's a flurry of trivia and random facts and a language that is not even English. If the thing before the movie was a nerd high school, this is a nerd pissing contest.
Raj and Wolowitz come out of the bathroom and jump right in and all the sudden there's a crowd of other people taking part, too. It's like the brawl scene from 'Anchorman,' but, you know, without the tridents and maiming.
It goes on for at least five minutes, right up until an usher starts waving a popcorn scooper around threateningly. When they start back up on the walk to the parking lot, it looks like Sheldon's pulling into the lead. He's talking so rapidly Penny can barely understand until the very end. "...Finally, I have, in my possession, the DNA of Leonard Nimoy. Am I correct in assuming the closest such item you have is an autograph, that, I might add, you probably had to pay some obscene sum to acquire?"
Mirror Spock's face falls and it's clear Sheldon has won.
It's really, like, it's -- strangely hot. She's always had a thing for bad boys, the guys that got in fights and won. And in some strange way, Sheldon is sort of his own version of that right now. Without throwing a single punch. Hm.
The best part of being with the guy that won the fight was always the kiss that came afterward. The victory kiss, the one that made the other guy feel even worse and the one that always made her feel special, even if fighting was a stupid thing to do in the first place.
And it's in thinking about that, in the streetlamp-lit parking lot, covered in green body paint and surrounded by a bunch of Starfleet pretenders, that she gets up on tiptoe and kisses Sheldon on the cheek. Quick enough that he doesn't have time to recoil and long enough that everybody sees it.
Unfortunately, Mirror Spock uses it as a chance to get in one last dig.
"Can't even kiss your girl like a man. Figures."
Penny's had enough of this guy, with his stupid goatee and his bullying and his tacky insults. And since she can't speak Klingon, she does the only thing she can think of to strike back. She wheels Sheldon around by the arm and kisses him on the mouth.
He's totally stiff for several long moments and she's almost ready to give up. Sheldon's probably scared and even this innocent little kiss is likely more than most of these guys have had in a while (or ever) so her point's probably been made. But then, she feels Sheldon's mouth move, just a little, such a tiny movement she could've imagined it. She tightens her grip on his arm, just to see, and then his mouth moves again, catching her bottom lip between his.
She can hear Wolowitz flipping out and hears Leonard groan, but she's gone this far and, well, maybe Sheldon could use a good kiss, maybe it would help...something, so instead of pulling back, she opens her mouth. Barely missing a beat, Sheldon does the same and then there she is, in the movie theater parking lot, making out with Sheldon.
His mouth still tastes faintly of cherry Icee and his tongue moves in jerky, unsure bursts, but it's not bad, it's really not, and at some point he'd gotten his arms loosely around her and his hands are resting just at the small of her back and everything just feels sort of nice. In the same way it felt nice when he hugged her in return for that fight-winning napkin.
She sweeps her tongue along the inside of his mouth and lifts a hand to thread through the back of his hair and things are really starting to get interesting, like, maybe phaser in the pants interesting, when she hears a car pass and, "Get a room!"
She pulls away from Sheldon as he lurches backward and the parking lot comes crashing back into view. Leonard, Howard and Raj are gawking, all red in the face, and Mirror Spock glares at them before herding his friends toward the car with a grunt. As he leaves, Penny watches as he throws up one of those 'live long and prosper' hand signs, before bending three fingers down to flash the bird.
On the car ride home, she watches Sheldon shift repeatedly in his seat and catches Wolowitz looking back and forth between her and Sheldon. But he doesn't say anything. No one does. The entire ride. When they drop Wolowitz off at home, he barely even says goodbye (he manages a leer though). And Raj doesn't say anything when they drop him off either, but, then, no one expected him to.
When they're finally home and splitting off in the hallway, she calls after Sheldon just before he and Leonard disappear through the door.
"Next time I'm going as Uhura."
Sheldon doesn't seem like he gets it, but three weeks later, when they're in some elevator in some building, he presses a button and kisses her again, so maybe he does.
&&.