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Empty
On the occasion of my 70th birthday, this is the gift I give myself:
Life without love, life without passion,
is an empty box, wrapped in bright paper and tied with a gaudy ribbon.
Which is never opened.
What was the point?
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(Untitled)
Faux snow blows on a warm breeze,
Summer's harbinger,
Cottonwood Spring -
Blind in the Mind
My mind's eye is blind, has been for years if not most all of my life, and I'm only just realizing this is a thing.
There is a name for it. Aphantasia.
There is no light for my darkness. -
From Pluto, with love
I didn't sleep at all last night. Too excited. Running on two or so hours of sleep and feeling wasted ( Read more... ) -
Feel the music
One of the last unalloyed pleasures of my life is music. You have to feel Bach fugues at some volume to really appreciate his music. I live for music, because it makes me feel alive ( Read more... ) -
No guiding spirit
Looking back on my growing years (the 60's), I realize that I never had a mentor, a wise friend. I had parents, yes. My father was often drunk on the weekends and buried himself at work (an engineer for a major aerospace company). He was cynical and negative, and very likely as depressed as I am now. I have always abstained from alcohol as a ( Read more... ) -
Useless
"Let them die. Forget them. They are useless, even to themselves. Let them end, and be forgotten. Useless." -
Withdrawal
The only thing worse than antidepressants that don't work, are the ones that make me feel A WHOLE LOT WORSE when I go off them. What the hell does medical science think it's doing? Nothing to do but tough out another bad weekend. I'm beginning to suspect I know why my father was an alcoholic ( Read more... ) -
Therapy
I started working at Carlisle Interconnects last month, building various cables and electrical harnesses for commercial aircraft. The job consists of standing at a 40 foot long table, laying out the wires, spacing out the labels (made of heat shrink tubing) and shrinking them, tying together bundles of wire with equine-duty waxed dental floss (I' ( Read more... ) -
Don't fall in love with mermaids: Lost Voices Trilogy
They'll only break your heart. Why did I fall in love with the very symbol of unattainable beauty and unrequited love ( Read more... )