In Our Own Skins: Elaine
Title: In Our Own Skins (5a/8)
Author: ceecee_05
Rating: T (this chapter contains some swearing)
Characters/Pairings (In this chapter): Elaine, Lance, Arthur, Gwen, Gwaine (Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lance, Elaine/Arthur, Gwaine/Gwen, and Lance/Elaine)
Spoilers: NONE
Disclaimer: MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.
Summary: Elaine's past becomes a little clearer, and just when she's given up on love it finds her.
Author's notes: Elaine hasn't really been around too much in the show, so I've taken a few liberties with her character. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors.
Elaine
I quickly follow Arthur out of the room when our accounting class is over. He's talking animatedly with Kay and Bernard about Camelot's victory over Cornwall at last week's football game. I pretend to be interested in the discussion, but really I find football rather boring. Although I'll never tell Arthur that - he's really passionate about it.
I watch Arthur talk to them in childish fascination. He's really rather Barbie looking isn't he? Or whatever they call male Barbies; I never did get to play with dolls as a child. Blond hair, blue eyes, chiseled jaw. My eyes linger on his lips, and unconsciously I lick my own. I do wonder what it would be like to kiss him, but someone like Arthur would never go for a plain girl like me. I'm not hopelessly in love with him, but who knows, maybe I could be?
I detach myself from his lips when his eyes turn to me. Apparently Kay and Bernard have gone, but with all my daydreaming about kissing Arthur I hadn't noticed.
"Um…I'll be right back"
I make my way into the girl's toilets and hastily change out of my uniform. I put on a pair of tattered black skinny jeans, and a long sleeved blue top. As I make my way out of the stall into a swarm of girls fussing over the mirrors, I'm able to catch a glimpse of my reflection. I pull the ponytail out of my hair and quickly try to tame it. I know Arthur won't notice, but I have to at least try. After I apply a pink gloss to my lips, and leave the toilets; I make my way towards the entrance doors knowing Arthur will be waiting for me there. Not to disappoint I find him leaning on a pillar in all his beautiful glory.
"Ready Elaine?"
I quickly throw on my coat, hat, and gloves then give him one of the most brilliant smiles I can muster, but he barely bats an eyelash at the display; simply waits for my answer. I knew he wouldn't notice, but at least I tried.
How does he not realize that I've fancied him for months now? He cannot possibly be that oblivious?
"Uh yeah sure…"
Arthur's attention has suddenly been pulled towards something happening behind my back, and when I look there's no surprise as to what he's looking at - Gwen, talking to Lance. Well, actually it's more like Lance begging Gwen to listen to him as she unsuccessfully tries to avoid him all together. It's more than obvious by Lance's sullen expression that Gwen's still not interested in starting back where they left off, poor guy. Even if my reasons are somewhat selfish, I wouldn't have minded if they'd got back together.
"Why can't he just leave her alone?"
My gaze returns to Arthur. His eyes are stormy, his jaw set, and his lips rest in a firm line. What is it about Gwen that he loves so much? Why aren't I good enough?
I stare back at Gwen as she shies away from Lance's advances, almost as if she's in a state of absolute shock. She's pretty that's for sure - even with her skirt lower and shirt completely buttoned, but there are fitter girls Arthur doesn't look twice at. He and Merlin always speak highly of her, yet the gossip around the school is anything but kind to Guinevere Leodegrance. So what is it?
She looks insecure standing with Lance, and she quickly begins looking around for any excuse to escape, or maybe just someone to come save her. Perhaps that's what Arthur likes about her, her damsel in distress qualities?
When her eyes eventually find Arthur's, it's almost as though the air in the room shifts, and something changes within her. There's an astonishing strength about Gwen now that definitely wasn't there before, like she's conjured it by magic.
Gwen swiftly makes her way over to Arthur with the confidence of a woman on a mission. I can't help but feel bad for Lance as I watch him storm off down the corridor, we're pretty much suffering from the same problem - rejection.
I continue to watch Gwen in mild interest, but slowly my eyes stray back to Arthur stiffly standing beside me.
"Hello Elaine, how are things?"
"Alright"
I truly don't want to like her, but I really can't hate her. Sure I'm jealous of her, what woman wouldn't be when she has two very attractive men pinning for her everlasting love. I mean come on two! Does she really need two? There are so many people in the world - like me - who don't even have one, and she has two!
"Hello Arthur, may I please speak with you alone?"
"Gwen, anything you have to say to me can be said in front of Elaine."
"Arthur…"
"Gwen, you and I really don't have anything to discuss. You've said what you have to say, and I support the decision you've made."
"Arthur please just listen to me…"
"Guinevere, please don't make this any harder than it already is."
I drop my eyes in embarrassment. The way they're staring at each other makes me feel like an intruder. If it weren't for the way Arthur nudged my shoulder before he walked away, I would have felt obligated to leave them alone.
"I LOVE YOU!"
Arthur suddenly stops walking, and I nearly bump into his back. I can feel more than see the tension in his body. The entire corridor is now silent, as they all quietly watch the scene before them. I want to scream at them to mind their own business, but I'm just as interested in the situation as they are.
For a while no one says anything, and Arthur continues to keep his back to Gwen, but he doesn't move. It's almost as if he's been frozen to the spot. I dare not speak for fear of what he'll do.
I turn my back to Arthur only to see the pain in Gwen's eyes as she watches him. I look at the girl who I've envied for months, and all I feel is pity. In that moment I realize that Arthur and I will never happen. Behind the pain I can see her love for him, and the sheer force of it scares me. I've never loved someone so deeply, and I don't know if I could ever love Arthur like that.
Gwen slowly walks towards us, and I move out of her way so she can reach him. I really like Arthur, but my feelings are nothing compared to what I saw in Gwen's eyes.
I sadly start to wonder if Arthur and I are truly just better off as mates. Maybe Gwen is the right person for him?
"Arthur, I love you."
My heart nearly breaks at the look on Arthur's face. Gwen's words should be bringing him joy, but all I can see is utter and complete anguish.
"I don't believe you."
"Arthur…"
At the desperation on Gwen's face I quickly realize how private this conversation should be, but that now most of the school is watching them intently. I' m still not a huge fan of Arthur and Gwen together, but they don't deserve to be the butt of gossip for the rest of term. Where are the teachers when you actually need them?
"How can I trust you'll stay with me, when all you do is run away Guinevere? If you truly loved me you wouldn't have split up with me after…after what we shared."
"I did it for you Arthur. I'm not good enough for…"
"You wouldn't spend all your time with my cousin flaunting your relationship with him."
By now everyone is starting to whisper and point at Gwen, and she's certainly aware of the dirty looks most of her female peers are giving her.
This isn't right, but I don't know what to do. If I try to calm Arthur down now he'll just go off on me too. At the moment he doesn't seem to be able to notice anything but the pain and hurt that Gwen has caused him.
"Gwaine and I are JUST friends. I had no one else to…"
"I'll never be good enough for you will I? I'm not Lance, and I'm not Gwaine. I'm just the adopted little brother to the girl that fucked your boyfriend."
The oohs and ahhs are drowned out by the sound of Gwen's hand swiftly connecting with Arthur's cheek. Instantly the corridor goes silent. There's no sound besides the heavy breathing of nearly every person in the room.
My eyes stay locked on Arthur as his eyes go wide and scared. He already knows he's messed up.
"Guinevere I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Shit, I don't know why I…"
Gwen doesn't wait for Arthur to continue his apology before she starts to make her way quickly from his presence, kindly asking people to move as she all but runs for any exit to the building.
"Ah fuck, I'm such a fucking twat. She's never going to forgive me for this. Why the bloody hell did I even say that to her?"
"Gwen loves you Arthur, she'll forgive you. She just needs some time, don't give up already."
By now the crowd is quickly starting to thin out as people excitedly discuss Arthur and Gwen's relationship problems like bloody parasites.
Arthur has started to notice the large groups of girls hovering around him, but he doesn't care. Now I glumly realize that if they aren't Guinevere Leodegrance he'll never care.
"Come on Pendragon; best to leave before they attack us."
He doesn't smile, but the corners of his lips twitch as we hastily walk to his red Lamborghini. With Merlin off sick for the past few weeks he hasn't had any reason to have anyone but me in his car.
We drive in silence for the entire ride, and I can't help but wish that Merlin was here. Over the past few months I've learned that no matter what sort of mood Arthur's in, Merlin is one of the only people who can help get him to open up.
We arrive at Shingles. The place is a dive no matter who's looking at it, but the tips are good and my aunt and I really need the money. Though technically speaking, I'm not really old enough to work as a bartender.
"You've never really told me what exactly you do here."
I've already got one leg out the side of the car, but stop and turn to Arthur when I hear his voice. Truthfully I haven't told anyone what I do here, and besides Merlin, no one has ever asked.
"My aunt owns the place, so I come here after school most days and work as a hostess for her."
I don't like lying to Arthur, and I didn't like lying to Merlin, but talking about my money problems are embarrassing.
"That's a restaurant?"
I raise my eyebrow at his inquiry knowing he isn't purposely trying to offend me, but I'm unable to stop myself from teasing him a little.
"I didn't mean it like that, it's just…shit. I just can't stop saying the wrong thing today."
He runs his hands frustratingly through his hair, and the small grin slips from my face.
"I'm sorry Elaine, I wasn't thinking."
"It's okay Arthur, anyone with eyes would ask the same question. The place is quite literally falling apart. It's more like a pub that serves food, which is really like most pubs. So I guess it's really just a pub."
I chuckle but he doesn't seem to care for my poor attempt at humour. God I really need to stop trying to flirt with him, we're only ever going to be mates. Gwen's the one he's madly in love with, not me.
"So what does a hostess do at a pub?"
He's staring at me in confusion, and I'm suddenly stumped for a clever response. Fuck.
"I…Well…You see I kind of just greet people when they come in. Ask them if they want something to drink or eat."
"In a pub isn't that the bartender's job?"
"Well yeah they do that too"
I try not to make it obvious that I'm trying to run out of his car, but I know I'm failing miserably.
"Right…but…"
"I really wish I could stay, but I'm already late. So laters, and thanks for the ride."
"Elaine wait!"
I'm just about to leg it out of his car, but I respectfully sit back down instead. Why can't my stupid crush just go away already?
"Arthur, I've gotta go."
"I know I know, I was just going to say be careful. This place doesn't look all that safe."
I can't help the genuine smile that comes to my face at his words, and I have to look away from him when I feel my cheeks warm.
"I'll be fine Arthur. You drop me here at least four days a week without a word, why the sudden concern today?"
"I don't know, just feels like everyone I care about is leaving me, and I don't want you to be one of them."
He smiles sadly at me, and it takes all my conviction not to cry or look pityingly at him. What's happened to the arrogant, but adorable Arthur Pendragon I met in September?
"Oh Arthur it'll take more than Shingles to take me away from you."
I hate how desperate I sound to my own ears, but I know with Arthur's obliviousness he won't hear it.
"This place sounds like a strip club."
The sound of his laughter is like music to my ears. That's more like the Arthur I know.
"I'm sorry to tell you that it's not. Though, your question does make me wonder how many strip clubs you've been frequenting?"
My eyebrow is raised again, but this time Arthur is smiling along with me. If only things could remain this care free.
"Sorry mate, but that's not a story for your delicate ears."
"Well maybe I'll just ask Merlin, he'll sing like a canary."
The arrogant smirk quickly drops from his face. Saying the name Merlin around Arthur is no longer allowed. When Merlin had to leave Camelot the gossip started, and eventually his cancer was discovered. When Arthur found out he was furious, not really the reaction everyone expected him to have, but Arthur's always full of surprises.
"Are you ever going to visit him? It's been two weeks already."
Arthur says nothing, just grips the steering wheel tighter. I take his silence as a hint to finally get out of the car.
"If you need a ride home ring me."
With that said he hastily drives away from Shingles, and back onto the road. Before I go into the decaying building I stand and watch him until his red Lamborghini is just a small dot in the distance.
-o-
I swiftly make my way to the back of the bar, hang up my coat, and give Edmund an apologetic sorry before throwing my bag out of sight. He just scoffs as he scurries from the bar and out the main door to Shingles.
I know not to be offended, Edmund's always an arse to me, whether I'm late or on time. Well, he's pretty much a nob to everyone that comes into the pub. I'm sure that's why our boss prefers to have me work the night shifts - when we actually have customers.
The place is pretty quiet, nobody really shows up until around seven - after work. I usually start on my homework until then. Mr. Fisher never bothers me while I do my studies, but most importantly he doesn't say anything to my boss or Edward. I keep pouring him drinks when he asks for them, and he stays silent. Yes Mr. Fisher is a very lonely man, and an alcoholic. Sometimes I think the only reason he comes in here is so he doesn't have to drink alone. With the amount of time he spends in this place I doubt he has a family at home.
I'm just about to get started on my maths homework for the weekend when I hear the sound of the main doors open. I hastily put my books back in my bag and jump to attention. I double back at the sight before me.
We stare at each other unsure of how to proceed. Mr. Fisher asks for another scotch, and I quickly drop my gaze as I grab a clean glass, fill it with his favourite drink, and walk over to his usual table in the corner by the window.
By the time I return to my place behind the bar Lance is already seated on a stool facing me. He's more disheveled than when I saw him at College. His hairs tousled, his face looks tired, and his white school shirt obviously hadn't been ironed this morning, but all in all Lance DuLac still looks good.
"Hey Lance, what are you doing here?"
I don't really know Lance all that well. While he was dating Gwen we were much more sociable with each other - Lance really is a sweet guy, but now with Arthur being his least favourite person - besides Morgan, I haven't really had a conversation with him in months.
"I should really be asking you that question. It's not every day you see an eleventh year working behind a bar."
"What do you want Lance?"
"A drink, actually I'd like a few drinks."
"I didn't peg you for an alcoholic, but I guess a broken heart will have that effect on people."
"Don't pretend like you have any idea what I'm going through Elaine. Just get me a drink, or I'll be forced to tell your boss he's employed a minor."
"Look I know you're hurting, but that doesn't give you the right to behave like a twat. You give me money and I'll give you your bloody drinks."
I clumsily pull out a clean glass for him and then watch as it slips from my fingers and shatters when it hits the ground.
"Shit"
I hurriedly go to clean up the mess I've made. Yes, I sometimes break things because of my clumsiness, but this time I blame Lance for my blunder. He's grating on my last nerve, and normally I'm a pretty calm person.
Once I'm done tidying up all the pieces on the floor I take out another clean glass, and thankfully don't drop it.
"What do you want Lance?"
He slams down a few quid on the table, and looks me directly in the eye.
"Give me two shots of vodka, and a pint to start. After that I'll call you when I need something else."
I move to get Lance his drinks, and place all three of them in front of him with a mixed look of disgust and anger on my face. I'm not really mad at Lance per say, just what he's letting himself become. The Lance I remember is honourable and kind, the man before me now is just a shell of that person.
"Here, now you can drink yourself to death."
"Don't judge me Elaine. You're a bloody bartender you give people drinks for a living. What makes me any different from them?"
"EVERYTHING!"
Mr. Fisher raises his head and looks over at us, so I move closer to Lance as he downs his second shot and begins to sip his pint. He barely looks like he's paying attention, but I can't bear to see someone like him go down this road.
"You're better than this Lance."
"You don't even know me. I'm a fuck up. I ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me because I'm weak."
My anger starts to wane when I see the sadness and guilt in his eyes. Lance will never be able to move on from Gwen until he forgives himself for what happened with Morgan.
"We all make mistakes Lance."
"Some make stupider ones than others."
"Eventually Gwen will forgive you. She's not a spiteful person."
As hard as it is to admit I know it's true. Gwen's a good person, and sooner or later she'll forgive Lance for what he did with Morgan.
"She already forgave me."
"Well isn't that good?"
If Gwen's already said she forgives him, why is Lance acting as if the world is coming to an end?
"She forgave me, but she doesn't want me anymore. Now she's all over Pendragon and Gwaine. My best mate spends more time with my ex than he does with me. He even learned to fucking drive so he could chauffeur her around. And you know what he says when I ask him why he's doing it?"
"What?"
"That she needs someone right now. That everyone she relied on has turned their back on her. Well that's all bollocks. She's the one that doesn't want anything to do with me!"
"You just have to give her some time Lance. She's still hurt by what happened, but she still cares for you…"
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Lie to me to try and make me feel better. She couldn't care less about me."
"I'm not lying Lance, I know Gwen…"
"I asked her to marry me, and she looked like I'd told her that I'd murdered someone."
There's a pregnant pause after his last declaration, and Lance takes the opportunity to down the last bit of his drink. He asked her to marry him! No wonder Gwen was so frightened by him earlier; she probably thought he'd lost his mind.
"Yeah, I know you don't have to say it, I'm an idiot."
"You're not an…"
Lance gives me an incredulous look, and I fail to conceal the giggles that escape from my mouth. I grin when he joins in and laughs along.
"Okay, maybe it wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done, but I'm sure it was very romantic."
Knowing Lance it was over the top romantic, even if it was done in the middle of the school corridor.
"I recited a poem"
At that I can't help but outright laugh. Lance is such a hopeless romantic. At least he didn't bring her flowers and chocolates.
"Hey, I'll have you know it was a very good poem."
"I believe you, you're a modern day Casanova Mr. DuLac."
"You think so?"
"You're Lance, the poetic soul, the hopeless romantic, and the bloke girls like me swoon over with just a wink in our direction."
Shit! Why did I have to say that? His eyebrows rise in surprise, and I practically trip over my own feet when I attempt to move away from him.
"Do you want another pint?"
I keep my back towards him to ward off the red tinge on my cheeks. Yes, I have always found Lance rather attractive, but I didn't want him to know that.
"Girls like you?"
I don't even have to look at him to know he's smirking at me. The alcohol must be making him bolder because Lance isn't usually this gregarious.
"Well obviously not girls exactly like me. Just you know girls around my age."
I busy myself with making him another drink as I answer him. The blush is still heating my cheeks, and I don't want to embarrass myself any further by having him see it. I place the drink in front of him, and keep my eyes off of Lance's beautiful face. I mean his okay looking face.
"I didn't pay for this drink."
"This one's on the house."
He looks at the pint, but makes no move to drink it.
"What are you doing here Elaine?"
"I could ask you the same thing?"
We stare at each other, waiting for the other to admit defeat. Luckily for me Lance sighs and drops his eyes first.
"After Gwen rejected me I went to the Rising Sun, but because I'm a minor they refused to serve me. I thought the further out I went the more likely it would be for me to find a bartender who would serve me. I've never been here but it looked…perfect for someone in my situation. So what are you doing here Elaine?"
It's now my turn to sigh and look away. I've never told anyone about my financial situation.
"I need the money, and working here pays more than the fast food places I used to work at. Although I'm really only here until I finally get hired as a waitress at one of the posh restaurants I applied to."
I chuckle, but Lance doesn't join me.
"I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, but why do you need the money."
"Yes you are, but I'll tell you if you promise not to tell anyone."
"Wait, so no one knows about all this? You didn't tell Pendragon or Emerys?"
I shake my head as I unconsciously begin cleaning dirtied glasses as a way to busy myself. I've never had this conversation with anyone, so I'm a little nervous about discussing my problems with him. Not to mention Lance and I aren't particularly close, but he seems genuine enough, and it would be nice not to have to hide, even if only for a moment.
"It's not something you usually tell people. It's embarrassing to talk about being less fortunate than others."
My hand stills on the glass, and I quickly glance at Lance to gauge his reaction. He's looking at me pityingly, and I silently bring my eyes back to the task at hand before I break another glass.
"I never would have guessed you were… You know you don't look… "
"Poor"
"Well yeah."
"I get some good clothes at a shelter not too far from my house. The amount of clothes rich kids give away should be a crime."
I laugh bitterly when I think about the amount of handouts I've had to get just to get where I am today. I've lived with poverty most of my life, before moving to Albion I definitely looked poor.
"How did this happen to you? What I mean is were you always less fortunate?"
I smile at Lance's struggle to remain polite when discussing such a delicate issue with me. It took me a while to stop envying people like him, but eventually I realized it was a waste of energy. Neither of us got to choose how we were going to get to live our lives.
"My mother died in a car crash when I was very young, and my father disappeared to God knows where when I was seven. I was sent to live with my great Aunt Gretchen because she was the only living relative that they could find. She didn't have much, but I preferred living with her than going into care."
I chocked back a sob. I am not a victim, and I never will be. I am strong.
"By ten I was working and going to school. Nothing major just cleaning bathrooms at a few different places after class. Back then I didn't have that much money for clothes, so kids used to tease me a lot, also didn't help that I'm so clumsy. I always did really well in school though, and I learned early on that the only way out was school. In my tenth year I aced all my exams, and because of it I got a letter from Camelot asking if I'd like to attend on a full scholarship. Camelot is the best College in the country, so to say coming here has been a dream come true would be an understatement."
I strengthen my grip on the rag in my hand as I remember all the things I've had to go through to get to where I am today. I don't even notice that I've been wiping down the same area of the counter over and over again.
"The only problem was they weren't giving us a place to stay. My aunt and I had to look for the cheapest places in the area, and even then they were out of our price range. But, we made sacrifices and here I am, going to College at Camelot. Getting the best education money can buy."
I startle when I feel Lance's hand on mine. I've been staring into space so long I almost forgot that I'd been talking to him and not myself.
"You Elaine Channing are one amazing woman."
He's looking at me in awe, and I furiously shake my head at his words while trying desperately to ignore the blush now gracing my pale skin.
"No, I just took every opportunity that came at me, and worked my arse off."
We laugh, and I'm thankful that the mood in the air seems to have become that much lighter. Who knew spending time with Lance could be so relaxing?
"I think you need this drink more than I do."
"No thanks, I don't drink."
"Oh come off it Elaine, it's only me and what's his face in the corner - who might I add isn't even paying any attention to us. I promise I won't tell. Come on…"
"My mum died because of a drunk driver, so I don't drink Lance."
"I'm sorry, I didn't…"
"It's alright, how could you have known? I work in a bloody pub."
I smile at him to show him I'm not angry with him, and the tension in his shoulders gradually wanes before he grins back at me.
"Well, I think I'm done so you might want to give this free pint to the bloke over there. Though, I will take a free bottled water."
My eyebrows rise of their own accord.
"I thought you were planning on getting pissed today?"
"What can I say, a mate showed me the error of my ways. When things got tough, she got tougher. What kind of man would I be if I just gave up?"
"Indeed"
A few people are starting to come through the doors and I finally realize I've been talking to Lance for the past three hours. I quickly grab him a chilled bottled water so I can get to work.
"I've gotta get to work. Have a good night Lance, and thanks for listening."
"When do you finish?"
"Not til one.,"
"Alright I'll be back by one to pick you up."
I'm just about to go get a few pints ready for the new arrivals, when his words finally sink in.
"What? No Lance you don't have to do that. The bus isn't too far from here, and it takes me…"
"Look Elaine, I want to okay. Just let me give you a ride home. I'd feel better knowing you weren't riding the bus alone at one in the morning in this area."
He looks sincere so I nod my head as I watch him slowly leave the building.
"Oh Elaine"
"Yeah"
"I promise, you're secrets safe with me."
When he winks at me before exiting through the main doors, I can't help the smile that slips onto my face as I grab a few more glasses and get to work. Smug bastard!
Part 2