A conversation at work

[ceb]

L asks A a question.
A: Ask Clare, she knows everything.
me: No I don't.
A: Well, apart from what I had for breakfast.
me: Porridge?
A: See? You do know everything...

This is happening with worrying frequency.

Comments

[ceb]

It's like magic in man page form!

[sphyg]

When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "Yes!" ;)

[khalinche]

Sounds familiar, actually. 'Sorry, there's no reason you would actually know that, I just have the habit of wondering about stuff aloud because if I don't know a thing at home I just assume Clare knows, so I ask her, and usually she does'.

[ceb]

Ha, yes :-)

[attimes_bracing]

Oh yes I know exactly how that one goes. It normally ends with me answering something complex very easily and getting the 'is there anything you don't know?' and this is normally met with a gently patronising stare from me which makes them go away and bring me a latte.

[ceb]

Coffee. Mmmmmm. How do you train them to bring you coffee? I must acquire this skill.

[attimes_bracing]

I have a careful advanced training plan. I always have cake on my desk - usually home made. They come to me for answers (I've been there so long, I know just about everything on the low level but important stuff) and get cake. They also impart information and I learn more and can answer more questions. They go off on trips and bring me back sweet things. I distribute sweet things and cake and people associate me with good stuff. They then come to rely on me and if they ever want a big favour - they know it costs latte. Some people (the very well trained ones) even arrive with the latte before asking the favour.

I am also experimenting with the laziness factor in fast streamers. We have one who can't sew on buttons, and won't take it to a cleaners. The first time I did this for him I charged him three quid. Second time was three quid plus a latte. Because of his supreme laziness, the price goes up every time. I'm interested to see at what point his laziness is outweighed by his wallet.

[hairyears]

Sewing on a button for a co-worker... There is a risk that this will reinforce their own high opinion of themself, and their view of you as a junior.

This is a "What would Satan do?" situation.

My first thought is: sew the button *down* so that it's fiddly or impossible to use.

My second thought: abrade the threads on other buttons, discreetly, so that they will start to loosen and come off, securing you a future income.

My third thought would be an expensive professionally-done alteration that makes them look chubby or like a cheapskate in a Burton suit.