I'm so sorry to hear this sweets. You're very brave and I understand how hard it can be to share something like this. When I was in high school, I would basically starve myself because being skinny was such a huge part of my identity that I thought I'd lose the only thing that made me even remotely remarkable if I put on weight. I know it's nothing like what you've described, but still kind of in the same sphere. So I can empathise to a degree.
I think that while there is a physiological part to eating disorders, they're also psychological, and thus I think you would benefit from talking to a counsellor/therapist/psychologist. I know you're travelling soon but maybe it's something you can consider for when you return?
Is binge eating/bulimia really that unknown in France? That's surprising to me, and quite sad really. There is nothing to be ashamed of - it's an illness like any other, and with proper treatment you can and will get better.
Yup definitely psychological for the most of it - started with the feeling of being rejected if too fat and now I guess I feel that if I "let go" I'll disappoint everyone (aka my father for who fat people are just people who can't control themselves aoround food).
Bulimia and anorexia are pretty known but there's not as much support as there is in other countries I think. French women seem to struggle less dunno. But binge eating isn't known at all unfortunately.
I do feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I've wrote it here - like I'm really admitting I have a problem.
I used to binge and purge when I was modeling/acting. Camera adds ten pounds, blah, blah, blah. Very common in Los Angeles. I was starting to feel a compulsion to down everything possible - I'd pass a store and see candy displays and feel like I needed to eat as much as possible then make myself sick. I used to run backstage at Disneyland every chance possible and make myself sick. I told one person, and she said maybe I needed to allow myself to feel full and not do anything about it. I forced myself to stop, but it wasn't easy. And of course later on, when you have children and you MUST eat for two when you're expecting, then things change a bit. However, I'm surprised when I see these stick figure women in wealthy areas of L.A. who look model thin from behind and you see them from the front and they're six or more months pregnant. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your food, and I'm still an emotional eater, but I try to remember that food is fuel, and every now and again, it's for celebrating holidays one meal every few
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It definitely started with it being something I could control when everything around me was in shambles. It got worse when I was in high school (anorexia with binging during the weekends) as it was the unhappiest period of my life so yeah, the link with control is truly there. I have a lot of questions at the moment and nothing that can be solved right now so my body is probably reacting. I know I can do it but I'm having trouble accepting these things take time! *hugs*
(((Annie)))) you've done a really brave and important thing by talking about this here. I had the impression food and weight were still an issue for you, but not how bad it was. Takes one to know one I guess. Based on my experience recovering from anorexia as a teen, I think there are two kinds of help you need. A qualified dietician can help you with a healthy eating plsn that is right for you. Eating is not that simple and it's easy to lose perspective on what and how much food we need. And a psychologist can help you with the underlying reasons for your eating disorder. It's not only about food and how you look , it's about coping with the difficult things you've been through - illness, loss, a bad relationship. Don't be scared to shop around for someone you feel comfortable talking to. It's really important. Although the obvious eating disorders like anorexia get more attention, a good therapist should understand the things you are dealing with and the ways you try to control and express these difficult things in a physical way.
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I definitely feel better now that I've "confessed" here as it feels like i've admitted it to myself too and that's the first step in the right direction. I agree that it's not only about food and about how you look and that there's probably some trust/confidence issues down there too - as beth said, when things in your life are out of control, control something you can. And for me it's food. Thanks! xx
People who don't have an issue with food will never "get" it. For people like us, it's never just nourishment. I was bulimic in high school. I stopped purging, but never stopped binging. I got calories under control for the first time in 30 years this fall, but then Ben lost his job and with the stress and depression I've fallen into the same bad habits. But even when I was eating right, food was a constant, constant thought in my head.
Your self image is harsh. You are adorable, and looked very fit and healthy when I saw you. I'm sorry to hear this is something that you are struggling with. I wish I had wise words for you, but if I did, I'd follow them myself.
Exactly! For "normal eaters" as I call them everything is so EASY!! They don't think twice about what they put in their mouth, hungry and like it? Eat it. And don't bother when not hungry! How I wish it was so simple!
And thanks! Deep down I *know* I'm ok looking, even pretty but everything always comes back to my dad. He despises big people and always comments on them. Not nastily but will always matter of factly say something like "that family is large" as if it changes something. I feel I should look thinner for him even though it doesn't make much sense - after all, I have a boyfriend who loves my curves and doesn't like skinny girls and I, myself, don't think I look terrible lol. I don't know, it's as if I have something to prove, that I need to be skinny to be loved/make my dad proud or something stupid like that! Anyway, I've finally realized I need to sort out my issues for me and for nobody else especially not my dad!
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I think that while there is a physiological part to eating disorders, they're also psychological, and thus I think you would benefit from talking to a counsellor/therapist/psychologist. I know you're travelling soon but maybe it's something you can consider for when you return?
Is binge eating/bulimia really that unknown in France? That's surprising to me, and quite sad really. There is nothing to be ashamed of - it's an illness like any other, and with proper treatment you can and will get better.
*hugs lots*
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Bulimia and anorexia are pretty known but there's not as much support as there is in other countries I think. French women seem to struggle less dunno. But binge eating isn't known at all unfortunately.
I do feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I've wrote it here - like I'm really admitting I have a problem.
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I agree that it's not only about food and about how you look and that there's probably some trust/confidence issues down there too - as beth said, when things in your life are out of control, control something you can. And for me it's food. Thanks! xx
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I was bulimic in high school. I stopped purging, but never stopped binging. I got calories under control for the first time in 30 years this fall, but then Ben lost his job and with the stress and depression I've fallen into the same bad habits. But even when I was eating right, food was a constant, constant thought in my head.
Your self image is harsh. You are adorable, and looked very fit and healthy when I saw you. I'm sorry to hear this is something that you are struggling with. I wish I had wise words for you, but if I did, I'd follow them myself.
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And thanks! Deep down I *know* I'm ok looking, even pretty but everything always comes back to my dad. He despises big people and always comments on them. Not nastily but will always matter of factly say something like "that family is large" as if it changes something. I feel I should look thinner for him even though it doesn't make much sense - after all, I have a boyfriend who loves my curves and doesn't like skinny girls and I, myself, don't think I look terrible lol. I don't know, it's as if I have something to prove, that I need to be skinny to be loved/make my dad proud or something stupid like that! Anyway, I've finally realized I need to sort out my issues for me and for nobody else especially not my dad!
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