[mal/inara, simon/inara] I'm not so afraid of losing something that I won't try having it

[cathiexx]

My darling Frances; I am SOSOSO sorry that this took so damn long. Even now, I'm not even sure that it turned out the way I wanted it to. I don't think I could really capture the feeling I was going for, but you know. It's done. It almost killed me trying to get it out, but it's done. I hope it at least sort of lives up to the expectation

Comments

[agent_rouka]

...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa, you're sure dishing out the knives and needles and acid and... wow! :D

I love this, that messed up, frantic, pathological fear of committing to something that has her not only running, but acting truly destructive. Doing this to Mal, doing this to Kaylee, doing this to (well, with) Simon...

And that downright creepy moment of calm at the end.

Mal, all nervous and determined, and then so angry and hurt, and he doesn't even have any idea of what's really beneath.

Why does everyone want to slice my shippy heart to pieces these days? And why am I enjoying it so? *g*

Very dark, deliciously so! Wow!! Well worth any time it took, if you ask ME.

[cathiexx]

Whoa, you're sure dishing out the knives and needles and acid and... wow!

I know, I know! I'm a fan of the angst, I have no problems admitting that, but this made ME squirm a little! Why do I wish to hurt them so?

I love this, that messed up, frantic, pathological fear of committing to something that has her not only running, but acting truly destructive.

Thank you and THANK YOU because you get it. And I'm so glad that I managed to get it across okay. That is exactly what it is. Inara needing to be in control of SOMETHING, and knowing that being with Simon will put her back in control. That is her need. Regardless of who she'll end up hurting (and you just know this is going to hurt everyone!), she just needs to feel in control again.

Did I mention that I was glad that you get it?

Thank you sweetness. You make me smile!

[goldy_dollar]

OMGYAY. I love this so! The dysfunction. The pain. The Simon & Inara sex in the exact - EXACT - way I see it. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. *tackles you*

“I’ve had alot taken from me in my life.” He pauses. Swallows. “An’ sometimes knowin’ that has stopped me from tryin’ to have certain things. Certain things that I want. Very much.”

Oh. Mal.

I got all sniffly there, because I just knew she was going to break his heart. NO, DON'T DO IT, MAL. But of course he did, because I think if he thought there was even a *chance* (which is what "I don't know" was, at the end of the BDM), he'd go for it. But that was just such a beautiful declaration from him - all bumbling and endearing and... *flails*

AND SIMON. Who has GOT to have the worst timing in the world. I loved the encounter, because, yes, Inara used him, and it was mean of her to do so, but Simon *still* went along with it, and he didn't even make any noise of regret until the end. And yet... I can't even blame him, really.

I adored this description:

She has seen that look

[cathiexx]

*breathes a sigh of relief* Phew! I'm SO glad you liked it, darling. I still think I didn't quite show Inara's need for complete control after her talk with Mal as well as I could have, but it makes me smile to see that you enjoyed it.

Inara used him, and it was mean of her to do so, but Simon *still* went along with it, and he didn't even make any noise of regret until the end.

The way I see it, Simon wants Inara. Sort of craves her, in a way. She's beautiful and the woman he's comfortable with and used to interacting with (where Kaylee turns him into a bumbling fool! Ah, Simon) and I believe deep down, he wants her. So he didn't try and stop her, didn't really pull away, because he WANTED it. It was only at the end when it was done and he'd had her and then he started thinking about Kaylee (I will always believe that Simon is incapable of putting Kaylee first, even in his thoughts).

Simon is so much a part of Inara's old life and the sort of men she's used to. Nice contrast there.Ah, thank you. I hoped that contrast between Mal

[youngcurmudgeon]

Is it weird that Simon's the one I feel sorriest for? 'Cause Mal's gonna go brood in that way he does so well, and Inara needs to be SMACKED UPSIDE THE HEAD, but Simon's gonna go back to Kaylee and not know what to do. 'Cause he's Simon that way. And River'll know, and she'll get mad at him and at Inara, further cementing her place as Mal's other sidekick, and ... yes.

Loved, loved, loved the way you got in Inara's head in this. Very real. Well done!

[cathiexx]

Thank you so much! I enjoy writing Inara, I really do. She's so complex and interesting and there's SO MANY sides of her that we haven't seen...

She's fun!

Is it weird that Simon's the one I feel sorriest for?

Not at all! Poor Simon; he was just there. And I love your thought of River (of course) knowing and being angry. Seriously, I'll HAVE to do a sequel now!

[terimaru]

Alright. I'm not gonna scream and throw things because you did a really beautiful job with this. And you showed me Inara's really powerful reasoning behind her actions. And you made me feel her pain.

And now I'm just gonna go up and comfort and cuddle my poor, brooding, wounded Mal for a while. Honestly, you guys are so mean to him! :-)

Fantastic writing. I read the end first -just so I could see if I could stand it - then read it backwards and I could make that, too. Really nice piece.

[cathiexx]

Aw, thank you so much! But if it makes you feel better, feel free to scream and throw things! I deserve it for being so damn mean to the characters I love.

And you showed me Inara's really powerful reasoning behind her actions. And you made me feel her pain.

Thank you. That bit of feedback reallyreally means alot to me, because I was worried that the reason why Inara used Simon like that wasn't clear enough. So thank you, I'm glad it was there for you.

[cathiexx]

Hee. Sorry for being so awful. I can't help it sometimes. I love them so much, so I want to see them broken down and in pain.

I'm strange. I get that. *grins*

Thank you so much. I'm very glad you enjoyed it!