Remembering. Chapter 1. (Kensei/Hiro)

[cat_2worlds]

Title : Remembering
Chapter : 1/2
Author : cat_2worlds 
Pairing : Kensei/Hiro (Slash)
Rating : T
Warning : Spoilers for season 3.
Summary : Kensei thinks about his love for Hiro and about everything that happened since they met.
Note : I posted this on fanfiction first so, if you recognize this, it's normal xD. Oh and for the girl-camp thing, just imagine Yaeko

Comments

[jackvelvet]

Nice start! Adam's voice has me a bit puzzled though, because while you've told me to imagine Yaeko is gone, I was not immersed in the story at that point, so I have a hard time believing he is so in love with Hiro; I'll bite for now, since it appears you are setting this up for disaster--Adam's evil stemming from betrayal of the heart in a different sense?

I do like the attempts at more noble language during a time when Adam was more lovable and free-spirited, but I feel part of it is missing that care-free attitude. It's almost too proper, and I feel like I am reading from the point of view of someone else entirely. I understand changing character to suit a story, but perhaps by establishing some back-story you can account for the change in voice?

Anyway, just some suggestions. Adam is a fave of mine and I'm excited to see where you take this. Thank you for sharing!

[jackvelvet]

Shoot! I also meant to add - not enough Hiro slash! They have such a great set-up together, don't you think??

[cat_2worlds]

LOL xD I'll reply to your biggest message later just so you know :Plol ... Hiro slash ? You mean ...as in relationship ? Yes, they do :D !! Glad to see you think that too ^^ lol. :)

[jackvelvet]

Yup, as in a relationship. :) So few out there. I think people have a hard time writing for him sometimes.

Have you seen the entire series, by the way?