Err... I seem to remember that we can post fiction to this community even if it's not in response to a challenge? If I'm hallucinating, let me know and I'll erase this entry
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Tiny, little, nit-picky thing...when they're talking over the radio, I'd put the "Kssht" outside the quotation marks. Otherwise, it seems almost as if Klaus and Dorian are making that sound themselves.
Other than that, I think they're very nicely in-character, and it's not boring or slow at all. You also nicely avoided an info-dump by angling the story toward Dorian's POV, so that we learn things about the mission at the same time that he does.
"Once again Klaus had managed to make an international conflict personal." Love that. I also like how you handled the bit in the cave. Because no matter what may have changed, the sun will burn out and the earth stop spinning on its axis before Klaus and Dorian stop bickering. :D
when they're talking over the radio, I'd put the "Kssht" outside the quotation marks. Otherwise, it seems almost as if Klaus and Dorian are making that sound themselves.
Eep! Thank you. I hate using sounds at all, because they just tend to seem fake. But writing a long description of static for every sentence would have been a bit much.
Because no matter what may have changed, the sun will burn out and the earth stop spinning on its axis before Klaus and Dorian stop bickering.
Yes, exactly. They just wouldn't be the men we know and love without the fighting.
this managed to grab my interest pretty much from the opening, and kept it until the very end. I really enjoyed Dorian's banter, and the bickering between he and the Major.
hopefully you will post more - I can't wait to see what happens next
Absolute favorite quote: "When the alphabets found them, Dorian’s knife was jamming the trigger to Klaus’ gun and both were nanoseconds from throttling the life from each other. Some things, it seemed, would never change." Because I love the mental image that I get from that. ^_^
Anyway, I can't really think of any criticism for this. It's a good fic, and the ending definitely catches my attention. This sounds like it's going to be interesting...
I agree with thehunter about the "Kssht" thing, though. It really does look very odd inside the quotation marks, you should probably put it outside.
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Other than that, I think they're very nicely in-character, and it's not boring or slow at all. You also nicely avoided an info-dump by angling the story toward Dorian's POV, so that we learn things about the mission at the same time that he does.
"Once again Klaus had managed to make an international conflict personal." Love that. I also like how you handled the bit in the cave. Because no matter what may have changed, the sun will burn out and the earth stop spinning on its axis before Klaus and Dorian stop bickering. :D
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Eep! Thank you. I hate using sounds at all, because they just tend to seem fake. But writing a long description of static for every sentence would have been a bit much.
Because no matter what may have changed, the sun will burn out and the earth stop spinning on its axis before Klaus and Dorian stop bickering.
Yes, exactly. They just wouldn't be the men we know and love without the fighting.
Thank you very much for your comments!
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hopefully you will post more - I can't wait to see what happens next
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Because I love the mental image that I get from that. ^_^
Anyway, I can't really think of any criticism for this. It's a good fic, and the ending definitely catches my attention. This sounds like it's going to be interesting...
I agree with thehunter about the "Kssht" thing, though. It really does look very odd inside the quotation marks, you should probably put it outside.
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Thanks so much for letting me know what you thought!
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