WIG FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Again)
Title: Sea Turtle
Style: Prose
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG - 13
Length: Fic
Pairings: None
Warnings: Wigfic!
Authoress: cassiopaya
Characters: Jack, Sophie, Jenny, and Esme.
Word Count: 1,160
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Dedication: pir8fancier
Summary: A pirate escape from the HMS Dauntless is nearly foiled!
Notes: Part of the Norrington Fanfic Fest! Inspired by pir8fancier’s prompt: 2. Wigs. Manacles. Rum. Blindfolds.
***
The Dauntless was a very different creature from the Pearl; where the Black Pearl was a saucy bint, the Dauntless had the air of a dowager countess. The Dauntless disapproved of Jack; he could feel it in the groan of her timbers and see it in the swaying light of her lamps. Manacled, Sparrow had fallen asleep in his cell and his bandana had been pulled over his eyes as a blindfold. Like a cat, Jack had slipped from beneath the bandana, slinked down Sparrow’s shoulder, slivered down his arm, and smooched himself along the floor of the cell without a sound.
A jiggling sound, very faint, followed every swish of hair down the hallway. It could not be helped as here the timber was not so soft as in the brig. Jack had caught the scent the scent of rum and had abandoned his original plan to escape in place of escaping with some rum. Shuffling under a piece of canvas Jack came across a Bacchanal scene: three lovely, tipsy ladies; giggling Navy Wigs whose source of amusement came from a rum bottle passed between them. Jack smooched along the deck and with spidery movements crawled up the table leg.
“LADIES! Might I induce upon your fine hospitality to share that rum?” Jack startled the snowy wigs who froze as though a scene rendered in oils and stared at him. Jack puffed himself up as impressively as he could and smiled toothily at the ladies in a queer attempt at seduction. All at once the ladies tittered amongst themselves and fell into one another in their good humor. “Do you hear that, Esme? He wants some rum!” the big wig exclaimed. The one called Esme ruffled her curls and puffed herself up, “I dare say-” she giggled and it ruined the affect of her puffed up posture “-I dare say he doesn’t know!”
Jack had a bad felling. “Doesn’t know what?” he asked. The third wig, with a rather pretty ribbon, devastated him, “The rum is gone.” Jack keened, “Why is the rum gone?” “Clearly, he doesn’t believe it to be true,” said the big wig, “Jenny be fair and do roll him the bottle.” The wig with the pretty ribbon, named Jenny, obligated and rolled the bottle over. Jack caught it fiercely in his dreads and peered into the bottle. It seemed empty, but maybe… As Jack stuck a dread down the neck of the bottle to fish for droplets of rum left behind, the Navy Wigs huddled together and whispered amongst themselves.
Esme suddenly thrust herself from the group and fluffed her curls, swished her tail, and purred as she sauntered towards the pirate wig. “I know you,” she said as she circled him predatorily, “you’ve got to be the best pirate wig I’ve ever seen.” Rum temporarily forgotten in the face of such flattery from such a flirty wig, Jack smiled, “I see my reputation precedes me.” “More like the worst pirate wig I have ever seen,” the big wig said. “Oh, Sophie, be sweet,” said Esme to the big wig. “Be sensible,” Sophie, the big wig, replied. Focusing on Esme he asked, “Would you lovely ladies happen to have another bottle?”
“Indeed,” said Jenny as she grabbed hold of one side of him with her tail and side curl. At the same time Esme had done the same on his other side and he found himself most inconveniently trapped…and Jack had a feeling that this would not end in a foursome. Sophie paced before him full of authority. “Thought you could get away with it, did you?” she asked rhetorically as she snatched the keys to the manacles from under his dreads. Esme giggled, “Oh! You’re in trouble now! Those keys belong to Jenny’s human!” Jenny glared at Jack and tightened her hold on him. “Whatever shall we do with him?” Jenny asked. Sophie smiled like a she-wolf. “Sea Turtle,” she said.
“Sea Turtle!” both Esme and Jenny cried as they began to swing Jack by his dreads. Back ad forth, back and forth, each time punctuated with a cry of Sea Turtle! Jack was starting to get a bit worried he might not make it out of this one. The Navy Wigs let go of him without warning and with a cry he was thrown through the air in such a way as to land on his back on the deck. A slap of hair and the dull sounds of his ornaments smacking the floor left Jack in a daze of twitching dreads. All three Navy Wig peered over the side of the table at him and began giggling again. The wigs disappeared from view and the sound of a rolling bottle competed with their tittering.
The bottle of rum that was gone rolled off the edge of the table and landed directly in the belly cavity of the dazed wig. Jack’s breath rushed out with a pained groan which caused the wigs to go into hysterics. “Do you still want those keys pirate now that you’ve got your rum?” Jenny asked contemptuously through her chortles. “Uhhhhhhh,” Jack moaned. “I would take that as a yes,” Esme said devilishly. Sophie nodded to Jenny and she threw down the keys to clank atop the bottle and slide down into the pirate wig’s belly. “Urrrrrrgh,” was the sound the pirate wig made at this latest assault. The Navy Wigs were once again thrown in hysterics. Jack blacked out.
Jack awoke sometime later, quite alone. Just to make sure he croaked out, “Ladies?” He grinned when there was no response. Long dreads fished the keys and the empty bottle from his belly and he set them aside. Now for the difficult part; if he did not perform this correctly he’d end up on his back again. Jack held himself rigid and let his dreads coil up. The release of the energy was so sudden that the pirate wig flipped up off the deck, somersaulted, and landed on his feet - as the saying goes. Triumphant, Jack gathered up the keys and the empty bottle, too. Now that the rum was gone it might serve in the escape when shattered against someone’s head.
Jack scuttled back to the brig and unlocked Sparrow’s manacles and placed the empty bottle of rum between his thighs. Next he crawled up the pirate captain’s arm, perched on his shoulder, and slithered under the red bandana. Now it was only a matter of time when Sparrow would wake up clueless as to the effort Jack had gone through for him. Sparrow would consider the empty rum bottle with the thought that he had drank too much and that the locked manacles had been a dream. Then he would consider the keys, shrug, and make due with his escape. Jack only wished that empty bottle would be used on the head of a Navy Man, one who was wearing a wig as white as snow.
Style: Prose
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG - 13
Length: Fic
Pairings: None
Warnings: Wigfic!
Authoress: cassiopaya
Characters: Jack, Sophie, Jenny, and Esme.
Word Count: 1,160
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Dedication: pir8fancier
Summary: A pirate escape from the HMS Dauntless is nearly foiled!
Notes: Part of the Norrington Fanfic Fest! Inspired by pir8fancier’s prompt: 2. Wigs. Manacles. Rum. Blindfolds.
***
The Dauntless was a very different creature from the Pearl; where the Black Pearl was a saucy bint, the Dauntless had the air of a dowager countess. The Dauntless disapproved of Jack; he could feel it in the groan of her timbers and see it in the swaying light of her lamps. Manacled, Sparrow had fallen asleep in his cell and his bandana had been pulled over his eyes as a blindfold. Like a cat, Jack had slipped from beneath the bandana, slinked down Sparrow’s shoulder, slivered down his arm, and smooched himself along the floor of the cell without a sound.
A jiggling sound, very faint, followed every swish of hair down the hallway. It could not be helped as here the timber was not so soft as in the brig. Jack had caught the scent the scent of rum and had abandoned his original plan to escape in place of escaping with some rum. Shuffling under a piece of canvas Jack came across a Bacchanal scene: three lovely, tipsy ladies; giggling Navy Wigs whose source of amusement came from a rum bottle passed between them. Jack smooched along the deck and with spidery movements crawled up the table leg.
“LADIES! Might I induce upon your fine hospitality to share that rum?” Jack startled the snowy wigs who froze as though a scene rendered in oils and stared at him. Jack puffed himself up as impressively as he could and smiled toothily at the ladies in a queer attempt at seduction. All at once the ladies tittered amongst themselves and fell into one another in their good humor. “Do you hear that, Esme? He wants some rum!” the big wig exclaimed. The one called Esme ruffled her curls and puffed herself up, “I dare say-” she giggled and it ruined the affect of her puffed up posture “-I dare say he doesn’t know!”
Jack had a bad felling. “Doesn’t know what?” he asked. The third wig, with a rather pretty ribbon, devastated him, “The rum is gone.” Jack keened, “Why is the rum gone?” “Clearly, he doesn’t believe it to be true,” said the big wig, “Jenny be fair and do roll him the bottle.” The wig with the pretty ribbon, named Jenny, obligated and rolled the bottle over. Jack caught it fiercely in his dreads and peered into the bottle. It seemed empty, but maybe… As Jack stuck a dread down the neck of the bottle to fish for droplets of rum left behind, the Navy Wigs huddled together and whispered amongst themselves.
Esme suddenly thrust herself from the group and fluffed her curls, swished her tail, and purred as she sauntered towards the pirate wig. “I know you,” she said as she circled him predatorily, “you’ve got to be the best pirate wig I’ve ever seen.” Rum temporarily forgotten in the face of such flattery from such a flirty wig, Jack smiled, “I see my reputation precedes me.” “More like the worst pirate wig I have ever seen,” the big wig said. “Oh, Sophie, be sweet,” said Esme to the big wig. “Be sensible,” Sophie, the big wig, replied. Focusing on Esme he asked, “Would you lovely ladies happen to have another bottle?”
“Indeed,” said Jenny as she grabbed hold of one side of him with her tail and side curl. At the same time Esme had done the same on his other side and he found himself most inconveniently trapped…and Jack had a feeling that this would not end in a foursome. Sophie paced before him full of authority. “Thought you could get away with it, did you?” she asked rhetorically as she snatched the keys to the manacles from under his dreads. Esme giggled, “Oh! You’re in trouble now! Those keys belong to Jenny’s human!” Jenny glared at Jack and tightened her hold on him. “Whatever shall we do with him?” Jenny asked. Sophie smiled like a she-wolf. “Sea Turtle,” she said.
“Sea Turtle!” both Esme and Jenny cried as they began to swing Jack by his dreads. Back ad forth, back and forth, each time punctuated with a cry of Sea Turtle! Jack was starting to get a bit worried he might not make it out of this one. The Navy Wigs let go of him without warning and with a cry he was thrown through the air in such a way as to land on his back on the deck. A slap of hair and the dull sounds of his ornaments smacking the floor left Jack in a daze of twitching dreads. All three Navy Wig peered over the side of the table at him and began giggling again. The wigs disappeared from view and the sound of a rolling bottle competed with their tittering.
The bottle of rum that was gone rolled off the edge of the table and landed directly in the belly cavity of the dazed wig. Jack’s breath rushed out with a pained groan which caused the wigs to go into hysterics. “Do you still want those keys pirate now that you’ve got your rum?” Jenny asked contemptuously through her chortles. “Uhhhhhhh,” Jack moaned. “I would take that as a yes,” Esme said devilishly. Sophie nodded to Jenny and she threw down the keys to clank atop the bottle and slide down into the pirate wig’s belly. “Urrrrrrgh,” was the sound the pirate wig made at this latest assault. The Navy Wigs were once again thrown in hysterics. Jack blacked out.
Jack awoke sometime later, quite alone. Just to make sure he croaked out, “Ladies?” He grinned when there was no response. Long dreads fished the keys and the empty bottle from his belly and he set them aside. Now for the difficult part; if he did not perform this correctly he’d end up on his back again. Jack held himself rigid and let his dreads coil up. The release of the energy was so sudden that the pirate wig flipped up off the deck, somersaulted, and landed on his feet - as the saying goes. Triumphant, Jack gathered up the keys and the empty bottle, too. Now that the rum was gone it might serve in the escape when shattered against someone’s head.
Jack scuttled back to the brig and unlocked Sparrow’s manacles and placed the empty bottle of rum between his thighs. Next he crawled up the pirate captain’s arm, perched on his shoulder, and slithered under the red bandana. Now it was only a matter of time when Sparrow would wake up clueless as to the effort Jack had gone through for him. Sparrow would consider the empty rum bottle with the thought that he had drank too much and that the locked manacles had been a dream. Then he would consider the keys, shrug, and make due with his escape. Jack only wished that empty bottle would be used on the head of a Navy Man, one who was wearing a wig as white as snow.