FIC: WHEN OUR FRAMES COLLIDE 11a/16
Title: When Our Frames Collide
Chapter: 11a/16 - Grieve For Me, Not History
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Sarah (OC), Jade, Marcus (OC), Holden, Lily, Damian, Lucinda, the Millers (OCs), Jack, Bob, Lucy, Casey, Alison, Ethan, Faith
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Sarah is put to work, two families are put at odds, Casey and Ali finally talk, someone is forced to leave Oakdale.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "The Shining" by Badly Drawn Boy.
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10a / Chapter 10b /
Sarah stared out through the windshield of the ambulance, wanting to do nothing more than go home and take a week-long bubble bath. She hated being nice. Offering to cover someone’s shift right after finishing your own, who does that? Stupid people, she told herself. Stupid people who are stupid for being nice. (Great, now she sounds like her daughter.)
The last nineteen hours had been so quiet, and now this- a nasty car accident. She tried to gather the last bit of inner strength left in her body as she jumped out and followed her partner to the scene. “What’ve we got, Sam?” she called out to one of the paramedics already working.
He was crouched down next to the flipped-over car, beginning to pull the driver out. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he spoke quietly to the victim before looking back up at Sarah and Patrick. “Three victims, driver seems okay, maybe a concussion. Check on the passengers? They’re on the side that got hit.”
Sarah was already nodding and moving to the other side of the car before Sam had even pulled the driver free. Patrick got there first, peeking in through the window of the passenger side, the glass already shattered and missing. “Okay, male, early 20’s maybe. Unconscious…” he reached in, examining whoever it was. “No apparent neck or head injury.”
“Is he okay? Please! Is he, are they okay?” A girl’s voice, frantic and wobbly, broke through from the other side of the car.
Sarah had just crouched down to check the backseat when she heard the voice. She knew that voice from somewhere. Springing to her feet, she looked over the car (and what was supposed to be the bottom of the car) towards the driver. “…Jade?”
Jade froze, staring at her for a moment, the blanket that had been draped around her shoulders dropping to the ground. “Sarah! Sarah, you have to help them. They have to be okay! I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t see…” she trailed off with a wince as Sam pressed a cloth to the side of her head, where a large gash had started bleeding.
Her exhaustion completely forgotten, Sarah dropped back down to the car without answering Jade. No, oh no, please… Patrick and another medic were already pulling the passenger from the front seat out, and she got a glimpse of blond hair before she managed to get her upper body into the backseat. “No…”
Noah was sprawled across what was once the backseat, even still barely hooked into his seatbelt. He wasn’t moving, the side of his face nearest to Sarah coated in red. He didn’t react at all when she reached out to check for a pulse. Her fingers slipped in blood for a second before she could keep them steady on his neck. “Please,” she found herself whispering. And there it was- weak and thready, but it was a pulse. “Noah?” she tried again for a response, but none came.
“Sarah, what’ve you got?” Patrick’s voice called her back to the situation.
Her words got stuck in her throat for a second. “I- I need a backboard! Now!” As two more medics rushed over to help her, she went back to her examination, calling out as she did. “Male, early 20’s, no neck injury but he’s got a head wound. Found a pulse but it’s weak…” The other paramedics pushed her out of the way. Sarah glared irrationally and tried to get back into the car again, but her partner held her back.
“Sarah, let them do it,” he said quietly in her ear.
She whirled around, turning her glare onto him. “Patrick, that boy in there is-”
“I know who it is, Sarah. And I really think it’s best if you take a step back from this.” Patrick was always maddeningly calm in any situation, and normally Sarah appreciated it. Envied it, even. But this wasn’t just any situation, and she wanted everyone to be as worried as she was.
By this time the other medics had gotten Noah secured on the backboard and were pulling him free of the car. “Oh, God,” she murmured. He looked even worse now that she could really see him. The head wound looked way too serious to calm Sarah’s nerves, and one medic was already wrapping an emergency brace around his leg. “How…?”
“Not good,” her friend and co-worker Anthony said as he and his partner carried the backboard towards their ambulance. “Knee injury, and I can’t say for sure but it’s at least a nasty concussion.”
“Oh, God,” she said again, unconsciously following. Turning to Patrick as he walked next to her, “What about Luke? And Jade?”
Patrick squeezed her shoulder. “I’m not sure. They’re already on their way to the hospital.”
She might have nodded, but she was too busy watching Anthony get Noah settled in. “I should… I need to call the Snyders. And, and the Millers.”
Patrick shook his head, pushing her towards Anthony and Noah. “Go ride with him. I’ll call your father, he’ll take care of it. Go.”
She shot him the most grateful of looks. “Patrick…”
He rolled his eyes, smiling a little. “Go.”
She climbed into the back of the bus without another word, having to fight not to get in Anthony’s way and examine Noah for herself. Instead she sat back across from the stretcher, taking one of his hands and squeezing it gently. “Okay, Noah. Enough of this nonsense,” she murmured. “Wake up now.”
“I don’t know if it’ll work, but if you can get him to even out his heart rate that would help me a lot too,” Anthony spoke up, his voice kind even as his eyes never left Noah, hands still working to stabilize him.
Sarah tried to laugh, but couldn’t force it out. She thought back to the last time she’d been in an ambulance with this kid. It had been easier; she hadn’t known him then. He had just been another patient. Now she knew his birthday, his favorite movies, his taste in clothes. He wasn’t just a patient anymore.
When they finally reached the hospital, she saw her father waiting anxiously at the ER doors. His face was already devastated, even before he got a look at Noah. “Sarah,” he spoke breathlessly as Anthony and Sam moved past them with the stretcher. Sarah let them go on inside, stopping by her dad. “Is he…?”
She grabbed her father’s arm, intending to reassure him but not coming even a little close. “Dad. Dad, he’s hurt.” She blinked hard, knowing this had to be killing him. “I don’t know how bad.” Suddenly, she felt like she had gone from age thirty-seven to seven.
Marcus pulled himself together, putting his arm around her and leading her into the ER. “I called Holden. And Eric Miller. Everyone’s on their way here.”
“Did you see Jade?” Sarah persisted, glancing around the lobby. “And Luke? Are they doing okay?”
“Jade’s going to be fine, as far as I know. She was a little hysterical when they brought her in, but okay. But, honey…” he sat her down in the waiting room. “They had to take Luke into emergency surgery.” He suddenly seemed so very old. “Bob looked worried.”
“Oh God,” Sarah whispered. It was all she was capable of.
“Sarah,” he kept his arm around her. “What happened out there?”
************
Holden wasn’t sure he could pace any harder if he tried. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if his feet had left imprints in the floor. Back and forth across the waiting room. He hated this damn room. Every inch. Every tile. And he hated every second of waiting.
And he wasn’t the only one. Marcus and Lucinda were sitting somewhere behind him, not talking. And for them to be not talking… Lily sat in front of him, holding her cell phone in her hands, just staring at it. Damian was actually on his phone, leaning against the far wall and making call after call. Holden didn’t know or care what they were about.
And in the corner, near Lily, sat Noah’s family. Eric leaning forward in his seat, head in his hands. Autumn next to him, one hand on his shoulder, staring straight ahead. Justin and Krista were sitting behind them, talking quietly.
Holden turned to pace some more.
“Hey.”
He spun around again to see Jack make his way into the room. His cousin offered a pained smile to everyone there, squeezing Lily’s shoulder gently as he passed her, and came to a stop next to Holden.
“What do you know?” Holden asked quietly, almost urgently. “Anything?” He was so focused, he didn’t even care that Damian hung up his cell phone and joined them.
Jack grimaced. “There was another car involved.”
“What do you mean?” Damian kept his voice low, but it was no less intense than Holden’s. “Jade hit someone?”
Jack hesitated, looking at both of them, and slowly they began to understand. “No. Someone hit Jade. There were traces of black paint in the dent in her car. My crime scene guy said it was a head on, direct hit. T-boned the car on the right side.” The side Luke and Noah had been sitting on.
“A hit and run?” Holden asked, disbelieving.
Jack nodded regretfully. “Looks that way.” He gave Holden and Damian a moment for that to sink in. “Any news on the kids?”
And as though he had been waiting for the cue, Bob appeared in the doorway. “Holden, Lily.” The doctor looked momentarily overwhelmed when ten people stood and surrounded him. He stared quizzically at the four he didn’t recognize. “I’m sorry, who…?”
“They’re Noah’s family,” Lily smiled, though the smile was fearful and strained.
Bob’s eyebrows shot up as he silently contemplated the Millers. “This is one of those ‘It’s a long story’ stories, isn’t it?”
“Bob.” Marcus had kept quiet for so long, he couldn’t now. And if he didn’t say something, he was pretty sure Lucinda would. “How are they?”
His expression softened. “Well, Jade is going to be just fine. She has a broken wrist and a fairly nasty concussion. But she should be okay to go home as early as tomorrow, as long as she takes it easy.”
“Luke?” Holden couldn’t help but ask. He had to know. Luke had been taken into the OR.
Bob held back a sigh, looking back and forth between him and Lily. And (much to Holden’s annoyance) Damian. “We had to take him into emergency surgery. There was some internal bleeding from the impact. His spleen was damaged badly, and his-”
“His kidney?!” Lily burst out, clutching Holden’s hand. Her perfectly manicured nails dug crescents into Holden’s hand, but he welcomed it. Maybe if he felt enough pain, he could take away Luke’s.
Bob nodded. “There was some bruising there, though not as bad as we originally thought. But it all left his body incredibly weak, and there is a chance that his body could start to reject the kidney because of the trauma. The next few days are going to be crucial.”
“But he got through the surgery, correct?” Lucinda butted in.
He tried to smile. “Things look okay right now. He’s not out of the woods just yet, by any means, and he’s got a host of bumps and bruises. We’re going to try to give his body the rest it needs and see how things look in a day or two.”
“And Noah, is he… how is he?” Eric stepped forward slightly, his voice brittle.
He looked at all of them again before answering. “Noah suffered a pretty serious head injury in the crash. At first it looked like a possible subdural hematoma-” he elaborated at the confused looks, “-a bleed in his brain. But,” he rushed on, “that wasn’t the case. So far there doesn’t seem to be any indication of one.”
“Why does that sound like the good news?” Autumn stammered quietly.
“Because we did discover a fracture,” he answered, offering a calm, sad smile. “In his skull. Not the worst I’ve ever seen, but not good. And because of the location and the swelling, there’s not much we can do at the moment.”
“So what will you be doing?” Marcus was just this side of demanding.
“Right now we’ve got him in a chemically-induced coma. It’s for the best,” Bob assured them. “We’ll let him rest and give him time for the swelling to go down.” He shook his head. “He also has a dislocated left knee, but that should heal up just fine.”
“What does… with a ‘chemically-induced coma,’ what does that mean? When will he wake up?” Holden was surprised to hear Justin speak up
Bob looked like he wanted to put his hand on Justin’s shoulder but then thought the better of it. “We’re going to keep him unconscious for a few days. Once he does wake up- and I’m sure he will- we’ll do some more tests to assess the damage.”
“Damage?” Jack questioned. “Like, like brain damage? Is that a possibility?”
“Anything is a possibility,” Bob gently reminded. “But right now let’s hope for the best, okay? With both boys.” He looked more directly at the Miller family. “Now that I have you here, is it possible I could speak with one of you about your family’s medical history? We’ve never had a complete write-up for Noah, and it would be best to have one, just in case.”
Autumn looked at her husband and then stepped forward. “I-I’ll do it,” she nodded, trying to look much more steady than she sounded. A backwards glance at her family, and then she followed Bob and a nurse out of the waiting room. Eric spoke quickly, softly with his children for a minute, and then hurried out as well, towards the exit.
Holden wasn’t sure what compelled him to follow Eric, but he did. He found the man huddled down on a bench outside the ER ambulance bay, rolling a cigarette in his hand. He looked up when Holden approached, smiled a wan smile. “I think I’ve quit about seventeen times in my life. It never sticks.”
Holden tried to smile back. “Well, if ever there was a time to start…”
“Yeah.” Eric tossed the cigarette into a nearby trash can and stared out into the parking lot. He spoke again just as Holden sat down next to him. “I can still remember the first time Andrew ever got hurt. He was chasing after Krista and this dog we used to have. Fell and skinned his knee on the driveway.” His hands unknowingly reached for another cigarette before he realized what he was doing and stopped himself.
“How old was he?” Holden couldn’t help but ask, part of him aching to see that Noah, to imagine what he had looked like and been like before his life had become hijacked.
“Two,” Eric answered. “It wasn’t that long before he… disappeared.” A quick shake of his head, not wanting to remember that moment. “I’ll never forget it, how terrified I was when he fell. I mean, this was my third kid, you’d think I’d be used to it. And he wasn’t exactly the most cautious little boy ever-”
“He wasn’t?” Holden couldn’t stop himself. “Noah? Really?” The kid who epitomized look-both-ways-before-you-cross-the-street?
Eric smiled. “Not when I knew him.” They both realized what that meant and sobered up pretty quickly. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, it shouldn’t have surprised me, is my point. He was always getting himself into trouble. But that first time, and hearing him cry…” Eric stopped himself for a second.
“It’s never easy,” Holden offered quietly.
The other man nodded. “I know. I just can’t help but… I was terrified back then, when he scraped his knee. And it never went away. I never had the chance to let go of that feeling.” He glanced over at Holden self-consciously, shrugging. “I just need him to be okay. I need to be able to protect him again, if he’ll let me.”
“He’ll let you,” Holden responded. “It just takes Noah awhile to trust things like this.” It’s because of how he was raised, he wanted to say. But couldn’t.
Eric somehow heard it anyway. “I just want him to be my son again. Andrew, Noah, I don’t care.”
Holden hesitated for a moment, but he had to ask. He had to know. “So you really don’t have, well, misgivings about him being gay?”
If Eric’s head had snapped up any quicker he might have broken his neck. “What? No! He’s my son, Holden. No.”
Holden held up a hand, placating. “I’m sorry, I had to ask. Luke’s harboring some- maybe we all are- some leftover worries from the Colonel. Please, you have to understand we just want to look out for Noah.”
Eric shook his head. “I don’t care that he’s gay. I wouldn’t care if he was an amateur taxidermist who wore yellow clown shoes and cheered for the Dallas Cowboys. He’s my son. Even if he’s Noah now, and not Andrew… I loved him the moment he was born. That feeling didn’t go away either. I’ve already missed too much.”
“Hey, I understand,” Holden reassured, smiling again. “I do. And not just because of Luke. I care a lot about Noah, all of us do. He’s a really great kid; we’d do anything for him.”
They were both silent again, until Eric reached into his pocket and pulled out the rest of his pack of cigarettes, throwing them away. Then he turned seriously to Holden. “What was that doctor talking about? When he asked about our family history, the way he said it sounded like Noah had been in the hospital before.”
Holden’s insides went a little cold at that. The Miller still didn’t know about Noah’s ordeal from last year. And he wished, he really wished, he could tell them, but it was Noah’s decision and no one else’s. “Yeah.”
Eric studied him. “Was it serious? The way you all were acting, and how upset Mr. Weston was…”
For a second he didn’t know how to answer. They also didn’t know ‘Mr. Weston,’ the man Lucinda was dating, was Noah’s therapist as well. “It wasn’t good. Last spring, Noah… went through a rough time. It had to do with the Colonel and…” he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Noah should tell you this. When he’s ready. And I’m sure he will.”
“If he-”
“He will,” Holden spoke firmly. He and Luke were going to be fine, there was no alternative. Two or three days, he told himself. In two or three days, the worst of this will be over and his boys will be going home.
************
It felt like he was floating. Not in the air or in water, though. That would’ve been a nice, light feeling. This was more like floating in molasses or honey, something heavy and dragging. He reached up a hand to wipe at his stuck-closed eyelids.
Or tried to.
His arm wouldn’t move. He concentrated as hard as he could, but it wouldn’t move. The best he could do was get his fingers to twitch on the blanket. Blanket? It didn’t feel like his comforter. This didn’t feel like his bed. Most annoying of all, there was no warm body lying next to him. What the hell?
Finally, finally, he was able to open his eyes. They cracked open slowly, and for a second he had to get himself adjusted to the light burning his retinas. A hospital. Of course. He really shouldn’t have been surprised.
There was a shadow of someone next to him, a doctor or a nurse probably. He tried to call out to them, but all that managed to produce was a dusty, faint croak from somewhere in his throat.
But it worked. The shadow turned and moved closer to the bed. “Luke? You awake over there, buddy?”
He wouldn’t even think of answering until he could get some water. And luckily the shadow was also apparently psychic, because a glass and straw appeared in front of him, held up to his lips. After a few sips of blessed water, he sighed softly, smiling at the doctor. “Thanks Lucy.” And then he did a double take. “Lucy?!”
She smiled back, face almost glowing. “Hey cousin. It’s nice to have you back.”
“Have me back?” Luke shook his head. “I’ve been here! You’re the one who’s back!” He looked around for a second. “Wait, we are in Oakdale, right?”
Lucy laughed. “Yeah, we are. Yesterday was my first day back at Memorial. It was supposed to be a surprise and all, but you kinda showed me up in that department.” She pulled out a penlight, shining it in his eyes as she spoke. “So how are you feeling?”
“Confused,” Luke tried and tried, and managed to sit up a little bit on his third attempt. “What happened? Why am I here?”
“What’s the last thing you can remember?” she frowned, pulling out his chart.
Luke narrowed his eyes, thinking hard. He had been at Al’s, right? And then walking through Old Town… and then a car… “I was in a car accident?”
She nodded. “Yeah, a pretty bad one. Some guy plowed right into the side of your car. You’re all lucky he-”
“Jade’s car!” Luke burst out, trying to sit up higher and failing. “Jade was driving. And Noah was with us! Where are they, are they okay? Noah would be here with me if he was okay!” Frantically, he tried to get out of bed, and was shocked that Lucy was able to push him back down with one hand. “Lucy…”
“Luke, if you don’t calm down I’ll have to get your doctor to sedate you, got that?” she said gently but sternly. “Your body just went through a really bad trauma, and we can’t risk you getting yourself all Luke-Snyder-worked-up until you’ve gotten some strength back.”
“But-” all that mattered was getting to Noah and Jade.
“No buts. Calm down a little first,” she ordered.
He took a few deep breaths, stopped the room from spinning, and then glared at her. “I don’t remember you being this bossy.”
“I matured,” she shot back. “And funny, I do remember you being this stubborn.”
“Lucy, please. Are they okay?” his voice got smaller.
She softened her smile. “They’re going to be fine. Jade was actually in here a little while ago, but your parents took her home to get some rest. They should be back any minute. She’s been here every day since the accident, and-”
“How long?” Luke pestered. “What day is it?” And where’s Noah?
“It’s Thursday. You’ve been unconscious since Monday night,” she admitted. “We were worried for awhile, Luke. You had some damage to your kidney, and the surgeon had to remove your spleen.”
“Do I…” Luke took a deep breath. “Do I need that? My spleen?”
Lucy smiled again. “It’s not life-threatening. I mean, it’s not ideal, especially considering your medical history, but given enough time and rest, you’ll be fine.”
Luke took a moment to wrap his head around all that, and then got back to more pressing concerns. “Where’s Noah?”
At that moment the door to his room opened and Luke looked up, expecting to see his boyfriend walk in. He had to push aside a growing fear when it wasn’t Noah but his parents who entered. “Oh, Luke!” Lily nearly threw herself at him, hugging and kissing him fervently.
“Mom, Mom!” Luke finally had to hold his hands out and ward her off, wishing he had enough strength to stand up and get out of the line of Mom-fire. “I’m okay.”
Lily nodded, wiped at her tears, and thankfully took a step back. But only enough for Holden to come forward. For a second Luke tensed, this was really the closest the two of them had been near each other in weeks, but he almost sighed in relief when Holden pulled him in for another hug. “Don’t scare me like that, kiddo,” he whispered.
And now Luke was blinking back his own tears. “Sorry,” he said just as quietly, genuinely, sorry for so many things.
His attention was drawn away from Holden when Lucy stepped back to the door. “Well, my break’s over,” she announced. “I’m going to head back to my patient, I’ll stop in and see you again later, ’kay Luke?”
“Wait, you’re not my doctor?” he frowned.
Her expression dropped a little. “No,” she spoke hesitatingly, glancing at his parents. “I’m one of Noah’s.” And then she was gone.
Luke grabbed the nearest hand, not completely sure if it was his mom’s or his dad’s. “What happened to Noah? What’s wrong?”
“Honey…” Lily sat on the edge of his bed, looking down at him seriously. “The doctors have kept Noah unconscious since the accident. He had a skull fracture-” That was all Luke needed to hear; he pushed aside his blankets and would have tried to sit up all the way if his parents hadn’t pushed him back. “What are you doing?” Lily’s eyes were wide.
“I have to see him. I have to go,” Luke fought with everything he had, but he didn’t have much. Lily and Holden were able to keep him in bed way too easily. “No! I have to.”
“Luke, you can’t right now,” Holden tried to reason.
“I have to,” Luke insisted. “What if he wakes up without me there? You know how he is about hospital rooms! I should be there, I need to be.”
Holden shook his head, regretful. “But you can’t right now, okay? Luke, you almost died two days ago. You can’t just jump out of bed and go where you please. You’ll hurt yourself.”
“But Noah,” he protested.
Lily squeezed his hand. “He’s not alone, sweetie, not at any time. We’ve got it covered.”
“And he’s going to be okay, right?” Luke knew next to nothing about skull fractures, but they didn’t sound like fun.
This time Holden answered. “They think he is, as long as he gets enough rest and follows doctor’s orders.” He raised an eyebrow pointedly at Luke.
Luke didn’t take the bait. “But he hasn’t woken up yet.”
“He will,” Holden replied firmly.
“How are the Millers doing?” he asked shakily. He was pretty sure his hands would be shaking too, if it weren’t for the fact that he couldn’t work up enough energy to move them.
“They’re doing about as well as we are,” Lily forced out a smile. “Hanging in there.” More seriously, “They’ve been great, Luke. At least one of them has been with Noah at all times, and they’ve been involved in his care, and-”
“Are they with him now?” Luke cut in.
She shook her head. “Damian took Eric and Autumn to lunch, but I think Justin and Krista are with him now. And Casey is too.”
“And when can I?” he was hoping if he asked enough times they’d get annoyed and give in.
“Maybe tomorrow, sweetheart. But not right now, okay?” Lily said in her most pacifying voice. “Bob isn’t ready to let you out of bed just yet.”
Luke glared, willing himself to move with everything he had. “But Noah needs me!” His limbs felt like they were made of concrete.
Lily opened her mouth to argue or soothe yet again, but Holden spoke up first. “You’re right, Luke. He does.” Luke started, turning hopeful eyes towards his dad. “And he’s going to hate it when he wakes up and finds out you worked yourself into a coma because of him.”
That stopped Luke pretty quickly. If Noah had woken up first, would Luke want him fighting doctor’s orders to get to his room? Maybe a little, but not enough to risk his health. Damn parents and all their parental logic. “I want to see him,” he had to say one more time, just so they understood. Because even though he would gladly march out of this room right now, the bed was suddenly feeling very very comfortable. He fought to keep his eyes open, but they kept closing without his permission.
“You will,” Lily promised, his hand still clasped in both of hers. “We promise, Luke. We’ll get you two back together as soon as possible.”
As he was pulled back into sleep, Luke couldn’t help but think that that wouldn’t be soon enough.
************
“Hey.”
Casey looked up as Alison took a seat next to him. She looked about as exhausted as he felt, but there was a lightness in her eyes he hadn’t seen in days. That could only mean… “Luke?”
She smiled. “He woke up. And your grandfather thinks he’ll make a full recovery.”
Casey stood quickly, the relief bringing an inadvertent smile to his face. “Are you sure? Is he awake now, can I see him? He’ll want to know about Noah, and I-”
She reached up and pulled him back down onto the bench. “He’s sleeping again. And I know he’s going to be okay, because he’s already demanded to go see Noah like eight times.”
Casey couldn’t help but laugh at that, trying to get himself to relax a little bit more. Everything was going to be fine. Luke was fine. Noah was going to be fine. Jade was f- maybe Casey shouldn’t be thinking about Jade.
“What’s the latest on Noah?” his girlfriend- he reminded himself pointedly- asked.
He shrugged slightly. “Hopefully good news. He’s moving around a little bit more, and he opened his eyes once or twice. Lucy says his pupils are reacting, or whatever, he’s just not fully aware yet. I just left his room- the Millers looked like they wanted to have some serious family meeting or something so I ducked out.”
Ali nodded. “And what’s the latest on Jade?”
Casey just barely managed to stop himself from reacting too much. “What?”
Ali looked at him knowingly. “How’s Jade doing?”
“Oh,” he kept his voice light. Casual. Indifferent. “I think she’s okay. Holden told me her concussion-thing’s all healed up, and I don’t think she likes wearing a sling, but other than that I don’t know much.”
“Casey.” Her voice was calm, resigned. “We need to stop doing this.”
“Doing what?” Still light.
She rolled her eyes a little. “Dancing around this… this thing between you and Jade. Whatever it is you two share, it’s something we don’t.” Casey flinched at the reality of that, but let her keep talking. “The only reason we’re still together right now is because neither of us think we can handle being alone.”
“That’s not true,” Casey protested weakly. “Ali, I really do care about you.”
“I care about you too,” she replied sadly. “But that’s not enough, is it? Not anymore. We’re not in high school. Just saying we ‘love’ each other doesn’t make it work.” She took a deep, regretful breath. “And I don’t think I want to try to make this work. Do you?”
He was silent for a minute. Not because he didn’t know what to say, but because he was afraid of saying it. “No. I don’t.” She nodded, sitting back a little further in her seat. He dared to reach out and take her hand, but didn’t look over at her. “I have feelings for Jade. I don’t know what they are, and you don’t need to hear about them, but I do.”
She squeezed his hand before gently pulling away. “Then it looks like this decision has already been made.”
“I’m really sorry, Ali,” he mumbled.
“I know. And hey, me too. I wasn’t trying very hard to be your girlfriend, you know? I knew you were slipping away from me, and it’s not like I fought all that hard to keep you,” she shrugged, offering a small smile.
Casey grunted out a laugh, running his hands through his hair and wishing he could get someone to hook him up with an IV full of Red Bull. “I don’t mean for this to sound like the lame brush-off it usually is, but… we can still be friends, can’t we?”
Alison paused, fidgeting with her hands for a second. “I hope so. I think so. I mean, it can’t be any more awkward than this is right now, right?”
He laughed again. “Good point.” They sat side by side, looking out down the hallway past both Luke’s and Noah’s rooms. “So, um, maybe things will work out okay…” He trailed off, not because he should’ve never said such jinx-worthy words, but because at that moment Lucy burst out of Noah’s room.
Alison stood up quickly. “Lucy?” Casey was right behind her.
Lucy shook her head, eyes wide, panicked. “Casey, where’s your grandfather? I need to talk to him. Like, now.”
“Why?” Casey demanded, even as Ali ran off to page him. “What’s wrong? Is Noah-?”
She shook her head again. “It’s not Noah. It’s his family.”
Casey frowned. “What?”
“They want to transfer Noah out of our care. Out of here.” Lucy was close to tears.
He still didn’t get it. “What does that mean?”
Lucy took a deep breath. “I need to talk to your grandfather. The Millers want to take Noah back to Georgia.”
************
“No! No, no way.” Luke was close to growling. Lily was almost afraid to touch him, knowing it would risk him directing all his anger at her.
“Luke, I’m very sorry,” Autumn spoke softly. “But we need to do this.”
Lily studied the two people in front of her carefully. They looked exhausted, frayed, and terrified. They looked like parents who had a child in critical condition. It was the only thing keeping her from being as livid as Luke.
“No you don’t,” Luke insisted. “What Noah needs is to stay here. Here. With us.” If he still weren’t so incredibly weak, Lily was sure he’d be launching into a pretty impressive Walsh-esque tirade right now.
“Is it even safe to transport him right now?” Holden spoke up from the other side of Luke’s bed. He sounded so calm. If his hands weren’t white-knuckling the jacket in his lap, Lily would have been able to believe it.
Eric nodded. “He’s getting a little more responsive. He’s woken up twice, but he’s still very heavily drugged and out of it. Everyone we’ve talked to says there’s no danger in moving him.”
“Bob?” Holden looked over to the man standing by the door for confirmation.
Bob sighed. “Unfortunately, it’s true,” he relented, obviously unhappy with the idea altogether.
“But if he’s getting better, then why do you need to go?” Lily tried to keep her voice from sounding as strained as she felt. She was pretty sure she didn’t succeed.
“We know a neuro-specialist. In Atlanta,” Eric answered. “We just want Noah to get the best care possible, and that’s with us in Georgia.”
“No, it’s not!” Luke protested desperately. “You don’t understand, Noah hates hospitals, and he hates being stuck in hospital rooms. When he wakes up in one without me there, in a strange place, he’s going to freak out. I have to be with him!”
“Luke, we’ll be there with him,” Autumn tried again. “It’s for the best. This is one of the best doctors in the country, we need to do this for him.”
“Then I’m coming too,” he said, determined.
“Luke!” Lily turned to him. Holden stood up quickly, shaking his head sternly.
“Absolutely not,” Bob stepped closer to his bed. “Luke, you’re not getting out of this bed for awhile. I’m sorry, I truly am, but I won’t allow you to hurt yourself. Your body can’t handle a move like that.”
“Then bring the specialist here,” Luke kept up, his voice cracking. “Please? Please, don’t take Noah away.”
“We have to,” Autumn whispered.
That stopped everyone. In the full minute of silence that followed, Lily studied the two of them again. There was something there… They were tense and upset, of course, but also… angry? “Why do you have to?” she finally asked.
Eric kept his arm firm around his wife. “We found out what happened to Noah last year.”
The quiet, aggravated sigh next to Lily told her Bob knew what they were talking about. She looked over at him, and realized she hadn’t seen him look quite this aged in a long time. “What?”
“Noah’s medical records. They saw his records,” he quietly explained.
Holden closed his eyes and sat back down again, gritting his teeth. Lily found herself holding onto Luke’s hand tighter. If the Millers had gotten a hold of Noah’s records, they knew- in detail- what Noah had suffered through last year, at the hands of the Colonel and Alan Reddik. And they knew he was in therapy, and they knew…
“So much has happened to him here,” Autumn tried to explain. “So many bad things. He needs… we think he needs a break. From this town, from its drama and its troubles and…” she turned pleading eyes towards Lily, as though asking her to understand.
But Lily shook her head. “Good things have happened to him here too. He found us. He found…”
“He found himself,” Luke finished, much quieter, but still frantic. “Noah was in hell before he came to Oakdale. If you take him away, part of him’s going to go back to that. He’s going to shut down.”
“He should be with his family right now,” Autumn insisted.
Eric nodded alongside her. “We have to take care of him. He’s our son. I’m sorry Luke, but you have to understand; we want to protect him.”
Luke bristled at the implication. “Protect him from what? Us?” Lily wanted to turn and soothe him, but she was starting to get just as angry. “We would never hurt him. We saved him! And hey, did you think about what Noah would actually want? He wouldn’t want to leave. You can’t make this decision for him.”
Autumn looked close to tears, but Lily was about done feeling sorry for her. “Noah can’t make any decisions right now, Luke. He can barely keep his eyes open for five minutes at a time. It’s up to his family to make these-”
“No it’s not!” Luke got as close to yelling as he could. His eyes narrowed as he turned to Bob once again. “Noah’s medical records. I’m still listed as his next of kin, aren’t I?”
Bob nodded, but his face wasn’t at all encouraging. “Yes, but Luke-”
Luke wasn’t paying attention. “I’m his next of kin. I say he doesn’t go, end of story. Done.”
“Luke, settle down,” Holden murmured just quietly for him (and Lily) to hear. He eyed the machines monitoring Luke’s blood pressure and heart rate. “Passing out now isn’t going to help your cause, okay?”
Luke looked like he wanted to snap in response, but reined it in at the last second. Then he directed his glare back at the Millers. “Noah stays here.”
“Luke,” Bob spoke up again, very gently. “Being next of kin doesn’t give you final say.”
“What?” the three Snyders all stared at him.
Bob held up a hand, apologetic. “If we still thought that Noah had no family, then yes- we would probably turn to Luke and the rest of you. But Noah does have family.” He smiled sadly. “The DNA test results came back yesterday. Noah truly, biologically, is Andrew Miller. And that means if Noah is unable to make medical decision for himself, then we have to turn to them first.”
“But Noah chose me,” Luke pointed out, voice almost plaintive, grasping for those last few straws. “I know him. I know him better than they do.”
“Luke, in a court of law that won’t matter. I’ve already talked this over with Tom.” The Millers looked shocked by that little development, and Lily could have kissed Bob for it, despite the situation. “His actual family takes precedence over his partner, I’m sorry.”
“Will everyone stop saying that?” Luke snapped. “I don’t care that you’re sorry, I care that you’re taking Noah away from me! When he’s going to need me!” The glare went back to the Millers. “And if you saw his records, and if you care about him like you say, you wouldn’t separate us, and you wouldn’t take him away from his therapist! Are you guys stupid?” He had to stop to catch his breath again.
“We spoke to a lawyer,” Eric was quieter, but still steady. Firm. “And we’ve been granted custody and medical proxy of Noah.”
Lily closed her eyes for a moment, trying to ward off tears. The reality of this was starting to set in; no matter what they said or did, they were going to lose. They were going to lose Noah. She knew they couldn’t stop the Millers, and she hated it. It was like Noah getting kidnapped all over again, only this time they all knew it was coming and couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Luke wasn’t ready to give up yet though. He kept shaking his head. “So? I don’t care! That doesn’t mean you get to control him!”
“It means,” Eric continued, “that until Noah is deemed to be back in sound mind and can make his own decisions, we’ll be the ones taking care of him. And it’s our decision to take him back to Georgia. Away from this place and anything that has hurt him here.”
“He’ll hate you for it,” Luke spit out, face getting red with anger and terror.
Autumn flinched, a few tears spilling down her face. But her voice remained as set as her husband’s. “He’s our son. We lost the chance to take care of him nineteen years ago, Luke. We’re not going to let that happen again.” She bit her lip for a second, looked at the row of unhappy, unyielding faces in front of her, and then quickly turned and left the room.
Eric stood still, also looking back at them. As Lily watched, his face only grew more resolute and closed. She’d seen that same expression on Noah a few times, and it made her heart hurt. Eric blinked once, twice, and then headed for the door. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning,” was the last thing he said before the door shut behind him.
Luke leaned forward in his bed almost bonelessly, face buried in his hands. His shoulders shook, and Lily couldn’t help but sit next to him on the bed, pulling him as close to her as his IV and monitor wires would allow. “Luke, baby…” she whispered. Holden stood on the other side of the bed, starting to pace. Bob stayed where he was, leaning back against the window sill.
Luke leaned into her, still shaking. “They can’t. They can’t,” he whispered over and over.
Lily soothed a hand over his hair, gently rocking him. “It’s not permanent, honey, you know that, right? As soon as Noah’s better, he’s going to be on the first thing that moves back here to Oakdale. To you.”
“Unless he can’t,” Luke mumbled into her shoulder.
“What do you mean?” she asked, frowning. Holden continued to pace, but his eyes focused in on his son.
“He’s going to shut himself away. I know he is.” Luke sounded agonized. “Who’s he going to be when he gets back, Mom? My Noah, or the Noah we found in that basement last summer?”
************
Four hours and two naps later, Luke awoke to the sound of someone knocking on his hospital room door. “Come in.” And just like with every knock, his expression turned hopeful, wondering if maybe this time a solution would walk through, or (better yet) Noah would.
But also just like with every knock, no such luck. His face fell when Krista ducked her head into the room, eyes tired and wary. “Luke? The nurse said you wanted to see me.”
Luke stared at her for a second before nodding. As Krista eased her way into the room and shut the door behind her, he readjusted the bed to bring himself up to a sitting position. “Yeah,” his voice shook.
Krista reacted to the sound, but still came close enough to take a seat next to the bed. “I can’t change my parents’ minds,” she said softly, looking down at her hands.
Luke flinched, clenching his jaw tightly to keep from crying. And/or screaming. “So you don’t agree with them,” he guessed.
“I never said that,” she responded carefully. “I do think Noah should get the best possible care. And I do think my parents need to be the ones who help him. But…” finally she looked up. “But I am sorry that it upsets you.”
“It’s going to upset him too,” Luke told her. “A lot. And it’s going to hurt him.”
“It’s a done deal, Luke,” she was still quiet, cautious. “He’s leaving with us tomorrow.”
For a moment Luke’s vision went dark. Nonononono. He couldn’t get himself to accept this. He just couldn’t. They’d already gone through enough crap in their lives, there’s no way the universe would be this much of a bitch. Something would convince the Millers to stay, right? But just in case… “Then I need you to do something for me.”
“Do what?” Krista still looked nervous.
He reached over to his bedside table where a paper was folded up neatly. “Here.” He handed it to her.
She took the paper gingerly, unfolding it as though afraid it was some piece of hate mail. A part of Luke didn’t blame her for thinking that, since there was enough anger in him to power a mid-size volcano, but another part of him didn’t care. This was more important than hate mail.
“It’s a list,” he explained needlessly. “Noah’s favorite movies. And a list of movies he likes to watch whenever he’s not feeling well. And his favorite food, and some candy I know he likes, even though he won’t admit he splurges on them sometimes. But I know. And there’s a list of CDs he listens to, and…” he had to pause to keep himself from breaking down. “And, just, stuff he likes. Stuff he might need.”
She traced the list lightly with one finger, not looking at him. “His Chicken Soup movies?” she spoke softly.
He nodded, not looking at her either. The fact that she knew that term at all proved to him she was the right person to tell what he was about to tell. “There’s something else, Krista.”
Her head snapped up. Luke had never actually said her name before. It felt weird on his lips. He didn’t like it. He took a deep breath, not liking anything that he was about to do. “Noah doesn’t like hospital rooms. Something bad happened to him last time he was in one.”
“I know what happened,” she whispered, almost whimpered.
He refused to feel anything for her. “He’s going to have nightmares. And, and that means he’ll probably have panic attacks. When that happens, you have to get him to calm himself down. Drugs, sedatives, whatever, they knock him out but they don’t, um, soothe him. Okay? So you have to do that.”
Krista was quiet for a bit before speaking. “How do I do it?” she asked, sounding a little more steady.
Against his will, Luke appreciated that. “He has to take deep breaths. You have to get him to do that. Tell him to breathe deep and slow. Counting helps, it’s an exercise he learned in therapy. Sometimes just counting slow is enough to help him out of it.” His hands were shaking again, so he clasped them together in his lap.
“Is that it? What if counting isn’t enough?”
Luke hated when it wasn’t enough. “S-sometimes, I have to put his hand on my chest. Over my heart, so he can feel it. Sometimes it slows his heart rate down, gets him to try to match mine. And it helps,” a sharp pain laced through his lungs, and Luke had no idea if it was from the internal bleeding or something much much worse. “It helps reconnect him. Reminds him he’s not alone-” he cut himself off and turned away.
“Luke…” Thankfully, Krista stopped herself from saying anything else. She probably knew there was nothing she could say to make him feel better.
“Just make sure he knows I didn’t want this to happen,” Luke managed to say, even when it felt like glass was filling up his throat. “Make sure he knows I’m pissed and I tried everything I could to keep him here. Where he belongs,” he couldn’t help but stress the words.
“I will,” she sounded like she might be crying.
Luke didn’t care. “And make sure he gets enough rest, and follows whatever orders the doctors give him. Don’t leave the room in complete darkness at night. Don’t stare at him, don’t try to force him to talk about anything. And if he needs to talk to me, I don’t care what time it is, he can call me and I’ll answer.”
They were both crying now. “I will,” she said again. Then she stood up. But instead of going to the door, she came closer to the bed. “Luke.” He turned towards her but didn’t dare look her in the eyes. Until she said, “Do you want to go see him?”
************
Continued in 11a
Chapter: 11a/16 - Grieve For Me, Not History
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Sarah (OC), Jade, Marcus (OC), Holden, Lily, Damian, Lucinda, the Millers (OCs), Jack, Bob, Lucy, Casey, Alison, Ethan, Faith
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Sarah is put to work, two families are put at odds, Casey and Ali finally talk, someone is forced to leave Oakdale.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "The Shining" by Badly Drawn Boy.
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10a / Chapter 10b /
Sarah stared out through the windshield of the ambulance, wanting to do nothing more than go home and take a week-long bubble bath. She hated being nice. Offering to cover someone’s shift right after finishing your own, who does that? Stupid people, she told herself. Stupid people who are stupid for being nice. (Great, now she sounds like her daughter.)
The last nineteen hours had been so quiet, and now this- a nasty car accident. She tried to gather the last bit of inner strength left in her body as she jumped out and followed her partner to the scene. “What’ve we got, Sam?” she called out to one of the paramedics already working.
He was crouched down next to the flipped-over car, beginning to pull the driver out. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he spoke quietly to the victim before looking back up at Sarah and Patrick. “Three victims, driver seems okay, maybe a concussion. Check on the passengers? They’re on the side that got hit.”
Sarah was already nodding and moving to the other side of the car before Sam had even pulled the driver free. Patrick got there first, peeking in through the window of the passenger side, the glass already shattered and missing. “Okay, male, early 20’s maybe. Unconscious…” he reached in, examining whoever it was. “No apparent neck or head injury.”
“Is he okay? Please! Is he, are they okay?” A girl’s voice, frantic and wobbly, broke through from the other side of the car.
Sarah had just crouched down to check the backseat when she heard the voice. She knew that voice from somewhere. Springing to her feet, she looked over the car (and what was supposed to be the bottom of the car) towards the driver. “…Jade?”
Jade froze, staring at her for a moment, the blanket that had been draped around her shoulders dropping to the ground. “Sarah! Sarah, you have to help them. They have to be okay! I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t see…” she trailed off with a wince as Sam pressed a cloth to the side of her head, where a large gash had started bleeding.
Her exhaustion completely forgotten, Sarah dropped back down to the car without answering Jade. No, oh no, please… Patrick and another medic were already pulling the passenger from the front seat out, and she got a glimpse of blond hair before she managed to get her upper body into the backseat. “No…”
Noah was sprawled across what was once the backseat, even still barely hooked into his seatbelt. He wasn’t moving, the side of his face nearest to Sarah coated in red. He didn’t react at all when she reached out to check for a pulse. Her fingers slipped in blood for a second before she could keep them steady on his neck. “Please,” she found herself whispering. And there it was- weak and thready, but it was a pulse. “Noah?” she tried again for a response, but none came.
“Sarah, what’ve you got?” Patrick’s voice called her back to the situation.
Her words got stuck in her throat for a second. “I- I need a backboard! Now!” As two more medics rushed over to help her, she went back to her examination, calling out as she did. “Male, early 20’s, no neck injury but he’s got a head wound. Found a pulse but it’s weak…” The other paramedics pushed her out of the way. Sarah glared irrationally and tried to get back into the car again, but her partner held her back.
“Sarah, let them do it,” he said quietly in her ear.
She whirled around, turning her glare onto him. “Patrick, that boy in there is-”
“I know who it is, Sarah. And I really think it’s best if you take a step back from this.” Patrick was always maddeningly calm in any situation, and normally Sarah appreciated it. Envied it, even. But this wasn’t just any situation, and she wanted everyone to be as worried as she was.
By this time the other medics had gotten Noah secured on the backboard and were pulling him free of the car. “Oh, God,” she murmured. He looked even worse now that she could really see him. The head wound looked way too serious to calm Sarah’s nerves, and one medic was already wrapping an emergency brace around his leg. “How…?”
“Not good,” her friend and co-worker Anthony said as he and his partner carried the backboard towards their ambulance. “Knee injury, and I can’t say for sure but it’s at least a nasty concussion.”
“Oh, God,” she said again, unconsciously following. Turning to Patrick as he walked next to her, “What about Luke? And Jade?”
Patrick squeezed her shoulder. “I’m not sure. They’re already on their way to the hospital.”
She might have nodded, but she was too busy watching Anthony get Noah settled in. “I should… I need to call the Snyders. And, and the Millers.”
Patrick shook his head, pushing her towards Anthony and Noah. “Go ride with him. I’ll call your father, he’ll take care of it. Go.”
She shot him the most grateful of looks. “Patrick…”
He rolled his eyes, smiling a little. “Go.”
She climbed into the back of the bus without another word, having to fight not to get in Anthony’s way and examine Noah for herself. Instead she sat back across from the stretcher, taking one of his hands and squeezing it gently. “Okay, Noah. Enough of this nonsense,” she murmured. “Wake up now.”
“I don’t know if it’ll work, but if you can get him to even out his heart rate that would help me a lot too,” Anthony spoke up, his voice kind even as his eyes never left Noah, hands still working to stabilize him.
Sarah tried to laugh, but couldn’t force it out. She thought back to the last time she’d been in an ambulance with this kid. It had been easier; she hadn’t known him then. He had just been another patient. Now she knew his birthday, his favorite movies, his taste in clothes. He wasn’t just a patient anymore.
When they finally reached the hospital, she saw her father waiting anxiously at the ER doors. His face was already devastated, even before he got a look at Noah. “Sarah,” he spoke breathlessly as Anthony and Sam moved past them with the stretcher. Sarah let them go on inside, stopping by her dad. “Is he…?”
She grabbed her father’s arm, intending to reassure him but not coming even a little close. “Dad. Dad, he’s hurt.” She blinked hard, knowing this had to be killing him. “I don’t know how bad.” Suddenly, she felt like she had gone from age thirty-seven to seven.
Marcus pulled himself together, putting his arm around her and leading her into the ER. “I called Holden. And Eric Miller. Everyone’s on their way here.”
“Did you see Jade?” Sarah persisted, glancing around the lobby. “And Luke? Are they doing okay?”
“Jade’s going to be fine, as far as I know. She was a little hysterical when they brought her in, but okay. But, honey…” he sat her down in the waiting room. “They had to take Luke into emergency surgery.” He suddenly seemed so very old. “Bob looked worried.”
“Oh God,” Sarah whispered. It was all she was capable of.
“Sarah,” he kept his arm around her. “What happened out there?”
************
Holden wasn’t sure he could pace any harder if he tried. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if his feet had left imprints in the floor. Back and forth across the waiting room. He hated this damn room. Every inch. Every tile. And he hated every second of waiting.
And he wasn’t the only one. Marcus and Lucinda were sitting somewhere behind him, not talking. And for them to be not talking… Lily sat in front of him, holding her cell phone in her hands, just staring at it. Damian was actually on his phone, leaning against the far wall and making call after call. Holden didn’t know or care what they were about.
And in the corner, near Lily, sat Noah’s family. Eric leaning forward in his seat, head in his hands. Autumn next to him, one hand on his shoulder, staring straight ahead. Justin and Krista were sitting behind them, talking quietly.
Holden turned to pace some more.
“Hey.”
He spun around again to see Jack make his way into the room. His cousin offered a pained smile to everyone there, squeezing Lily’s shoulder gently as he passed her, and came to a stop next to Holden.
“What do you know?” Holden asked quietly, almost urgently. “Anything?” He was so focused, he didn’t even care that Damian hung up his cell phone and joined them.
Jack grimaced. “There was another car involved.”
“What do you mean?” Damian kept his voice low, but it was no less intense than Holden’s. “Jade hit someone?”
Jack hesitated, looking at both of them, and slowly they began to understand. “No. Someone hit Jade. There were traces of black paint in the dent in her car. My crime scene guy said it was a head on, direct hit. T-boned the car on the right side.” The side Luke and Noah had been sitting on.
“A hit and run?” Holden asked, disbelieving.
Jack nodded regretfully. “Looks that way.” He gave Holden and Damian a moment for that to sink in. “Any news on the kids?”
And as though he had been waiting for the cue, Bob appeared in the doorway. “Holden, Lily.” The doctor looked momentarily overwhelmed when ten people stood and surrounded him. He stared quizzically at the four he didn’t recognize. “I’m sorry, who…?”
“They’re Noah’s family,” Lily smiled, though the smile was fearful and strained.
Bob’s eyebrows shot up as he silently contemplated the Millers. “This is one of those ‘It’s a long story’ stories, isn’t it?”
“Bob.” Marcus had kept quiet for so long, he couldn’t now. And if he didn’t say something, he was pretty sure Lucinda would. “How are they?”
His expression softened. “Well, Jade is going to be just fine. She has a broken wrist and a fairly nasty concussion. But she should be okay to go home as early as tomorrow, as long as she takes it easy.”
“Luke?” Holden couldn’t help but ask. He had to know. Luke had been taken into the OR.
Bob held back a sigh, looking back and forth between him and Lily. And (much to Holden’s annoyance) Damian. “We had to take him into emergency surgery. There was some internal bleeding from the impact. His spleen was damaged badly, and his-”
“His kidney?!” Lily burst out, clutching Holden’s hand. Her perfectly manicured nails dug crescents into Holden’s hand, but he welcomed it. Maybe if he felt enough pain, he could take away Luke’s.
Bob nodded. “There was some bruising there, though not as bad as we originally thought. But it all left his body incredibly weak, and there is a chance that his body could start to reject the kidney because of the trauma. The next few days are going to be crucial.”
“But he got through the surgery, correct?” Lucinda butted in.
He tried to smile. “Things look okay right now. He’s not out of the woods just yet, by any means, and he’s got a host of bumps and bruises. We’re going to try to give his body the rest it needs and see how things look in a day or two.”
“And Noah, is he… how is he?” Eric stepped forward slightly, his voice brittle.
He looked at all of them again before answering. “Noah suffered a pretty serious head injury in the crash. At first it looked like a possible subdural hematoma-” he elaborated at the confused looks, “-a bleed in his brain. But,” he rushed on, “that wasn’t the case. So far there doesn’t seem to be any indication of one.”
“Why does that sound like the good news?” Autumn stammered quietly.
“Because we did discover a fracture,” he answered, offering a calm, sad smile. “In his skull. Not the worst I’ve ever seen, but not good. And because of the location and the swelling, there’s not much we can do at the moment.”
“So what will you be doing?” Marcus was just this side of demanding.
“Right now we’ve got him in a chemically-induced coma. It’s for the best,” Bob assured them. “We’ll let him rest and give him time for the swelling to go down.” He shook his head. “He also has a dislocated left knee, but that should heal up just fine.”
“What does… with a ‘chemically-induced coma,’ what does that mean? When will he wake up?” Holden was surprised to hear Justin speak up
Bob looked like he wanted to put his hand on Justin’s shoulder but then thought the better of it. “We’re going to keep him unconscious for a few days. Once he does wake up- and I’m sure he will- we’ll do some more tests to assess the damage.”
“Damage?” Jack questioned. “Like, like brain damage? Is that a possibility?”
“Anything is a possibility,” Bob gently reminded. “But right now let’s hope for the best, okay? With both boys.” He looked more directly at the Miller family. “Now that I have you here, is it possible I could speak with one of you about your family’s medical history? We’ve never had a complete write-up for Noah, and it would be best to have one, just in case.”
Autumn looked at her husband and then stepped forward. “I-I’ll do it,” she nodded, trying to look much more steady than she sounded. A backwards glance at her family, and then she followed Bob and a nurse out of the waiting room. Eric spoke quickly, softly with his children for a minute, and then hurried out as well, towards the exit.
Holden wasn’t sure what compelled him to follow Eric, but he did. He found the man huddled down on a bench outside the ER ambulance bay, rolling a cigarette in his hand. He looked up when Holden approached, smiled a wan smile. “I think I’ve quit about seventeen times in my life. It never sticks.”
Holden tried to smile back. “Well, if ever there was a time to start…”
“Yeah.” Eric tossed the cigarette into a nearby trash can and stared out into the parking lot. He spoke again just as Holden sat down next to him. “I can still remember the first time Andrew ever got hurt. He was chasing after Krista and this dog we used to have. Fell and skinned his knee on the driveway.” His hands unknowingly reached for another cigarette before he realized what he was doing and stopped himself.
“How old was he?” Holden couldn’t help but ask, part of him aching to see that Noah, to imagine what he had looked like and been like before his life had become hijacked.
“Two,” Eric answered. “It wasn’t that long before he… disappeared.” A quick shake of his head, not wanting to remember that moment. “I’ll never forget it, how terrified I was when he fell. I mean, this was my third kid, you’d think I’d be used to it. And he wasn’t exactly the most cautious little boy ever-”
“He wasn’t?” Holden couldn’t stop himself. “Noah? Really?” The kid who epitomized look-both-ways-before-you-cross-the-street?
Eric smiled. “Not when I knew him.” They both realized what that meant and sobered up pretty quickly. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, it shouldn’t have surprised me, is my point. He was always getting himself into trouble. But that first time, and hearing him cry…” Eric stopped himself for a second.
“It’s never easy,” Holden offered quietly.
The other man nodded. “I know. I just can’t help but… I was terrified back then, when he scraped his knee. And it never went away. I never had the chance to let go of that feeling.” He glanced over at Holden self-consciously, shrugging. “I just need him to be okay. I need to be able to protect him again, if he’ll let me.”
“He’ll let you,” Holden responded. “It just takes Noah awhile to trust things like this.” It’s because of how he was raised, he wanted to say. But couldn’t.
Eric somehow heard it anyway. “I just want him to be my son again. Andrew, Noah, I don’t care.”
Holden hesitated for a moment, but he had to ask. He had to know. “So you really don’t have, well, misgivings about him being gay?”
If Eric’s head had snapped up any quicker he might have broken his neck. “What? No! He’s my son, Holden. No.”
Holden held up a hand, placating. “I’m sorry, I had to ask. Luke’s harboring some- maybe we all are- some leftover worries from the Colonel. Please, you have to understand we just want to look out for Noah.”
Eric shook his head. “I don’t care that he’s gay. I wouldn’t care if he was an amateur taxidermist who wore yellow clown shoes and cheered for the Dallas Cowboys. He’s my son. Even if he’s Noah now, and not Andrew… I loved him the moment he was born. That feeling didn’t go away either. I’ve already missed too much.”
“Hey, I understand,” Holden reassured, smiling again. “I do. And not just because of Luke. I care a lot about Noah, all of us do. He’s a really great kid; we’d do anything for him.”
They were both silent again, until Eric reached into his pocket and pulled out the rest of his pack of cigarettes, throwing them away. Then he turned seriously to Holden. “What was that doctor talking about? When he asked about our family history, the way he said it sounded like Noah had been in the hospital before.”
Holden’s insides went a little cold at that. The Miller still didn’t know about Noah’s ordeal from last year. And he wished, he really wished, he could tell them, but it was Noah’s decision and no one else’s. “Yeah.”
Eric studied him. “Was it serious? The way you all were acting, and how upset Mr. Weston was…”
For a second he didn’t know how to answer. They also didn’t know ‘Mr. Weston,’ the man Lucinda was dating, was Noah’s therapist as well. “It wasn’t good. Last spring, Noah… went through a rough time. It had to do with the Colonel and…” he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Noah should tell you this. When he’s ready. And I’m sure he will.”
“If he-”
“He will,” Holden spoke firmly. He and Luke were going to be fine, there was no alternative. Two or three days, he told himself. In two or three days, the worst of this will be over and his boys will be going home.
************
It felt like he was floating. Not in the air or in water, though. That would’ve been a nice, light feeling. This was more like floating in molasses or honey, something heavy and dragging. He reached up a hand to wipe at his stuck-closed eyelids.
Or tried to.
His arm wouldn’t move. He concentrated as hard as he could, but it wouldn’t move. The best he could do was get his fingers to twitch on the blanket. Blanket? It didn’t feel like his comforter. This didn’t feel like his bed. Most annoying of all, there was no warm body lying next to him. What the hell?
Finally, finally, he was able to open his eyes. They cracked open slowly, and for a second he had to get himself adjusted to the light burning his retinas. A hospital. Of course. He really shouldn’t have been surprised.
There was a shadow of someone next to him, a doctor or a nurse probably. He tried to call out to them, but all that managed to produce was a dusty, faint croak from somewhere in his throat.
But it worked. The shadow turned and moved closer to the bed. “Luke? You awake over there, buddy?”
He wouldn’t even think of answering until he could get some water. And luckily the shadow was also apparently psychic, because a glass and straw appeared in front of him, held up to his lips. After a few sips of blessed water, he sighed softly, smiling at the doctor. “Thanks Lucy.” And then he did a double take. “Lucy?!”
She smiled back, face almost glowing. “Hey cousin. It’s nice to have you back.”
“Have me back?” Luke shook his head. “I’ve been here! You’re the one who’s back!” He looked around for a second. “Wait, we are in Oakdale, right?”
Lucy laughed. “Yeah, we are. Yesterday was my first day back at Memorial. It was supposed to be a surprise and all, but you kinda showed me up in that department.” She pulled out a penlight, shining it in his eyes as she spoke. “So how are you feeling?”
“Confused,” Luke tried and tried, and managed to sit up a little bit on his third attempt. “What happened? Why am I here?”
“What’s the last thing you can remember?” she frowned, pulling out his chart.
Luke narrowed his eyes, thinking hard. He had been at Al’s, right? And then walking through Old Town… and then a car… “I was in a car accident?”
She nodded. “Yeah, a pretty bad one. Some guy plowed right into the side of your car. You’re all lucky he-”
“Jade’s car!” Luke burst out, trying to sit up higher and failing. “Jade was driving. And Noah was with us! Where are they, are they okay? Noah would be here with me if he was okay!” Frantically, he tried to get out of bed, and was shocked that Lucy was able to push him back down with one hand. “Lucy…”
“Luke, if you don’t calm down I’ll have to get your doctor to sedate you, got that?” she said gently but sternly. “Your body just went through a really bad trauma, and we can’t risk you getting yourself all Luke-Snyder-worked-up until you’ve gotten some strength back.”
“But-” all that mattered was getting to Noah and Jade.
“No buts. Calm down a little first,” she ordered.
He took a few deep breaths, stopped the room from spinning, and then glared at her. “I don’t remember you being this bossy.”
“I matured,” she shot back. “And funny, I do remember you being this stubborn.”
“Lucy, please. Are they okay?” his voice got smaller.
She softened her smile. “They’re going to be fine. Jade was actually in here a little while ago, but your parents took her home to get some rest. They should be back any minute. She’s been here every day since the accident, and-”
“How long?” Luke pestered. “What day is it?” And where’s Noah?
“It’s Thursday. You’ve been unconscious since Monday night,” she admitted. “We were worried for awhile, Luke. You had some damage to your kidney, and the surgeon had to remove your spleen.”
“Do I…” Luke took a deep breath. “Do I need that? My spleen?”
Lucy smiled again. “It’s not life-threatening. I mean, it’s not ideal, especially considering your medical history, but given enough time and rest, you’ll be fine.”
Luke took a moment to wrap his head around all that, and then got back to more pressing concerns. “Where’s Noah?”
At that moment the door to his room opened and Luke looked up, expecting to see his boyfriend walk in. He had to push aside a growing fear when it wasn’t Noah but his parents who entered. “Oh, Luke!” Lily nearly threw herself at him, hugging and kissing him fervently.
“Mom, Mom!” Luke finally had to hold his hands out and ward her off, wishing he had enough strength to stand up and get out of the line of Mom-fire. “I’m okay.”
Lily nodded, wiped at her tears, and thankfully took a step back. But only enough for Holden to come forward. For a second Luke tensed, this was really the closest the two of them had been near each other in weeks, but he almost sighed in relief when Holden pulled him in for another hug. “Don’t scare me like that, kiddo,” he whispered.
And now Luke was blinking back his own tears. “Sorry,” he said just as quietly, genuinely, sorry for so many things.
His attention was drawn away from Holden when Lucy stepped back to the door. “Well, my break’s over,” she announced. “I’m going to head back to my patient, I’ll stop in and see you again later, ’kay Luke?”
“Wait, you’re not my doctor?” he frowned.
Her expression dropped a little. “No,” she spoke hesitatingly, glancing at his parents. “I’m one of Noah’s.” And then she was gone.
Luke grabbed the nearest hand, not completely sure if it was his mom’s or his dad’s. “What happened to Noah? What’s wrong?”
“Honey…” Lily sat on the edge of his bed, looking down at him seriously. “The doctors have kept Noah unconscious since the accident. He had a skull fracture-” That was all Luke needed to hear; he pushed aside his blankets and would have tried to sit up all the way if his parents hadn’t pushed him back. “What are you doing?” Lily’s eyes were wide.
“I have to see him. I have to go,” Luke fought with everything he had, but he didn’t have much. Lily and Holden were able to keep him in bed way too easily. “No! I have to.”
“Luke, you can’t right now,” Holden tried to reason.
“I have to,” Luke insisted. “What if he wakes up without me there? You know how he is about hospital rooms! I should be there, I need to be.”
Holden shook his head, regretful. “But you can’t right now, okay? Luke, you almost died two days ago. You can’t just jump out of bed and go where you please. You’ll hurt yourself.”
“But Noah,” he protested.
Lily squeezed his hand. “He’s not alone, sweetie, not at any time. We’ve got it covered.”
“And he’s going to be okay, right?” Luke knew next to nothing about skull fractures, but they didn’t sound like fun.
This time Holden answered. “They think he is, as long as he gets enough rest and follows doctor’s orders.” He raised an eyebrow pointedly at Luke.
Luke didn’t take the bait. “But he hasn’t woken up yet.”
“He will,” Holden replied firmly.
“How are the Millers doing?” he asked shakily. He was pretty sure his hands would be shaking too, if it weren’t for the fact that he couldn’t work up enough energy to move them.
“They’re doing about as well as we are,” Lily forced out a smile. “Hanging in there.” More seriously, “They’ve been great, Luke. At least one of them has been with Noah at all times, and they’ve been involved in his care, and-”
“Are they with him now?” Luke cut in.
She shook her head. “Damian took Eric and Autumn to lunch, but I think Justin and Krista are with him now. And Casey is too.”
“And when can I?” he was hoping if he asked enough times they’d get annoyed and give in.
“Maybe tomorrow, sweetheart. But not right now, okay?” Lily said in her most pacifying voice. “Bob isn’t ready to let you out of bed just yet.”
Luke glared, willing himself to move with everything he had. “But Noah needs me!” His limbs felt like they were made of concrete.
Lily opened her mouth to argue or soothe yet again, but Holden spoke up first. “You’re right, Luke. He does.” Luke started, turning hopeful eyes towards his dad. “And he’s going to hate it when he wakes up and finds out you worked yourself into a coma because of him.”
That stopped Luke pretty quickly. If Noah had woken up first, would Luke want him fighting doctor’s orders to get to his room? Maybe a little, but not enough to risk his health. Damn parents and all their parental logic. “I want to see him,” he had to say one more time, just so they understood. Because even though he would gladly march out of this room right now, the bed was suddenly feeling very very comfortable. He fought to keep his eyes open, but they kept closing without his permission.
“You will,” Lily promised, his hand still clasped in both of hers. “We promise, Luke. We’ll get you two back together as soon as possible.”
As he was pulled back into sleep, Luke couldn’t help but think that that wouldn’t be soon enough.
************
“Hey.”
Casey looked up as Alison took a seat next to him. She looked about as exhausted as he felt, but there was a lightness in her eyes he hadn’t seen in days. That could only mean… “Luke?”
She smiled. “He woke up. And your grandfather thinks he’ll make a full recovery.”
Casey stood quickly, the relief bringing an inadvertent smile to his face. “Are you sure? Is he awake now, can I see him? He’ll want to know about Noah, and I-”
She reached up and pulled him back down onto the bench. “He’s sleeping again. And I know he’s going to be okay, because he’s already demanded to go see Noah like eight times.”
Casey couldn’t help but laugh at that, trying to get himself to relax a little bit more. Everything was going to be fine. Luke was fine. Noah was going to be fine. Jade was f- maybe Casey shouldn’t be thinking about Jade.
“What’s the latest on Noah?” his girlfriend- he reminded himself pointedly- asked.
He shrugged slightly. “Hopefully good news. He’s moving around a little bit more, and he opened his eyes once or twice. Lucy says his pupils are reacting, or whatever, he’s just not fully aware yet. I just left his room- the Millers looked like they wanted to have some serious family meeting or something so I ducked out.”
Ali nodded. “And what’s the latest on Jade?”
Casey just barely managed to stop himself from reacting too much. “What?”
Ali looked at him knowingly. “How’s Jade doing?”
“Oh,” he kept his voice light. Casual. Indifferent. “I think she’s okay. Holden told me her concussion-thing’s all healed up, and I don’t think she likes wearing a sling, but other than that I don’t know much.”
“Casey.” Her voice was calm, resigned. “We need to stop doing this.”
“Doing what?” Still light.
She rolled her eyes a little. “Dancing around this… this thing between you and Jade. Whatever it is you two share, it’s something we don’t.” Casey flinched at the reality of that, but let her keep talking. “The only reason we’re still together right now is because neither of us think we can handle being alone.”
“That’s not true,” Casey protested weakly. “Ali, I really do care about you.”
“I care about you too,” she replied sadly. “But that’s not enough, is it? Not anymore. We’re not in high school. Just saying we ‘love’ each other doesn’t make it work.” She took a deep, regretful breath. “And I don’t think I want to try to make this work. Do you?”
He was silent for a minute. Not because he didn’t know what to say, but because he was afraid of saying it. “No. I don’t.” She nodded, sitting back a little further in her seat. He dared to reach out and take her hand, but didn’t look over at her. “I have feelings for Jade. I don’t know what they are, and you don’t need to hear about them, but I do.”
She squeezed his hand before gently pulling away. “Then it looks like this decision has already been made.”
“I’m really sorry, Ali,” he mumbled.
“I know. And hey, me too. I wasn’t trying very hard to be your girlfriend, you know? I knew you were slipping away from me, and it’s not like I fought all that hard to keep you,” she shrugged, offering a small smile.
Casey grunted out a laugh, running his hands through his hair and wishing he could get someone to hook him up with an IV full of Red Bull. “I don’t mean for this to sound like the lame brush-off it usually is, but… we can still be friends, can’t we?”
Alison paused, fidgeting with her hands for a second. “I hope so. I think so. I mean, it can’t be any more awkward than this is right now, right?”
He laughed again. “Good point.” They sat side by side, looking out down the hallway past both Luke’s and Noah’s rooms. “So, um, maybe things will work out okay…” He trailed off, not because he should’ve never said such jinx-worthy words, but because at that moment Lucy burst out of Noah’s room.
Alison stood up quickly. “Lucy?” Casey was right behind her.
Lucy shook her head, eyes wide, panicked. “Casey, where’s your grandfather? I need to talk to him. Like, now.”
“Why?” Casey demanded, even as Ali ran off to page him. “What’s wrong? Is Noah-?”
She shook her head again. “It’s not Noah. It’s his family.”
Casey frowned. “What?”
“They want to transfer Noah out of our care. Out of here.” Lucy was close to tears.
He still didn’t get it. “What does that mean?”
Lucy took a deep breath. “I need to talk to your grandfather. The Millers want to take Noah back to Georgia.”
************
“No! No, no way.” Luke was close to growling. Lily was almost afraid to touch him, knowing it would risk him directing all his anger at her.
“Luke, I’m very sorry,” Autumn spoke softly. “But we need to do this.”
Lily studied the two people in front of her carefully. They looked exhausted, frayed, and terrified. They looked like parents who had a child in critical condition. It was the only thing keeping her from being as livid as Luke.
“No you don’t,” Luke insisted. “What Noah needs is to stay here. Here. With us.” If he still weren’t so incredibly weak, Lily was sure he’d be launching into a pretty impressive Walsh-esque tirade right now.
“Is it even safe to transport him right now?” Holden spoke up from the other side of Luke’s bed. He sounded so calm. If his hands weren’t white-knuckling the jacket in his lap, Lily would have been able to believe it.
Eric nodded. “He’s getting a little more responsive. He’s woken up twice, but he’s still very heavily drugged and out of it. Everyone we’ve talked to says there’s no danger in moving him.”
“Bob?” Holden looked over to the man standing by the door for confirmation.
Bob sighed. “Unfortunately, it’s true,” he relented, obviously unhappy with the idea altogether.
“But if he’s getting better, then why do you need to go?” Lily tried to keep her voice from sounding as strained as she felt. She was pretty sure she didn’t succeed.
“We know a neuro-specialist. In Atlanta,” Eric answered. “We just want Noah to get the best care possible, and that’s with us in Georgia.”
“No, it’s not!” Luke protested desperately. “You don’t understand, Noah hates hospitals, and he hates being stuck in hospital rooms. When he wakes up in one without me there, in a strange place, he’s going to freak out. I have to be with him!”
“Luke, we’ll be there with him,” Autumn tried again. “It’s for the best. This is one of the best doctors in the country, we need to do this for him.”
“Then I’m coming too,” he said, determined.
“Luke!” Lily turned to him. Holden stood up quickly, shaking his head sternly.
“Absolutely not,” Bob stepped closer to his bed. “Luke, you’re not getting out of this bed for awhile. I’m sorry, I truly am, but I won’t allow you to hurt yourself. Your body can’t handle a move like that.”
“Then bring the specialist here,” Luke kept up, his voice cracking. “Please? Please, don’t take Noah away.”
“We have to,” Autumn whispered.
That stopped everyone. In the full minute of silence that followed, Lily studied the two of them again. There was something there… They were tense and upset, of course, but also… angry? “Why do you have to?” she finally asked.
Eric kept his arm firm around his wife. “We found out what happened to Noah last year.”
The quiet, aggravated sigh next to Lily told her Bob knew what they were talking about. She looked over at him, and realized she hadn’t seen him look quite this aged in a long time. “What?”
“Noah’s medical records. They saw his records,” he quietly explained.
Holden closed his eyes and sat back down again, gritting his teeth. Lily found herself holding onto Luke’s hand tighter. If the Millers had gotten a hold of Noah’s records, they knew- in detail- what Noah had suffered through last year, at the hands of the Colonel and Alan Reddik. And they knew he was in therapy, and they knew…
“So much has happened to him here,” Autumn tried to explain. “So many bad things. He needs… we think he needs a break. From this town, from its drama and its troubles and…” she turned pleading eyes towards Lily, as though asking her to understand.
But Lily shook her head. “Good things have happened to him here too. He found us. He found…”
“He found himself,” Luke finished, much quieter, but still frantic. “Noah was in hell before he came to Oakdale. If you take him away, part of him’s going to go back to that. He’s going to shut down.”
“He should be with his family right now,” Autumn insisted.
Eric nodded alongside her. “We have to take care of him. He’s our son. I’m sorry Luke, but you have to understand; we want to protect him.”
Luke bristled at the implication. “Protect him from what? Us?” Lily wanted to turn and soothe him, but she was starting to get just as angry. “We would never hurt him. We saved him! And hey, did you think about what Noah would actually want? He wouldn’t want to leave. You can’t make this decision for him.”
Autumn looked close to tears, but Lily was about done feeling sorry for her. “Noah can’t make any decisions right now, Luke. He can barely keep his eyes open for five minutes at a time. It’s up to his family to make these-”
“No it’s not!” Luke got as close to yelling as he could. His eyes narrowed as he turned to Bob once again. “Noah’s medical records. I’m still listed as his next of kin, aren’t I?”
Bob nodded, but his face wasn’t at all encouraging. “Yes, but Luke-”
Luke wasn’t paying attention. “I’m his next of kin. I say he doesn’t go, end of story. Done.”
“Luke, settle down,” Holden murmured just quietly for him (and Lily) to hear. He eyed the machines monitoring Luke’s blood pressure and heart rate. “Passing out now isn’t going to help your cause, okay?”
Luke looked like he wanted to snap in response, but reined it in at the last second. Then he directed his glare back at the Millers. “Noah stays here.”
“Luke,” Bob spoke up again, very gently. “Being next of kin doesn’t give you final say.”
“What?” the three Snyders all stared at him.
Bob held up a hand, apologetic. “If we still thought that Noah had no family, then yes- we would probably turn to Luke and the rest of you. But Noah does have family.” He smiled sadly. “The DNA test results came back yesterday. Noah truly, biologically, is Andrew Miller. And that means if Noah is unable to make medical decision for himself, then we have to turn to them first.”
“But Noah chose me,” Luke pointed out, voice almost plaintive, grasping for those last few straws. “I know him. I know him better than they do.”
“Luke, in a court of law that won’t matter. I’ve already talked this over with Tom.” The Millers looked shocked by that little development, and Lily could have kissed Bob for it, despite the situation. “His actual family takes precedence over his partner, I’m sorry.”
“Will everyone stop saying that?” Luke snapped. “I don’t care that you’re sorry, I care that you’re taking Noah away from me! When he’s going to need me!” The glare went back to the Millers. “And if you saw his records, and if you care about him like you say, you wouldn’t separate us, and you wouldn’t take him away from his therapist! Are you guys stupid?” He had to stop to catch his breath again.
“We spoke to a lawyer,” Eric was quieter, but still steady. Firm. “And we’ve been granted custody and medical proxy of Noah.”
Lily closed her eyes for a moment, trying to ward off tears. The reality of this was starting to set in; no matter what they said or did, they were going to lose. They were going to lose Noah. She knew they couldn’t stop the Millers, and she hated it. It was like Noah getting kidnapped all over again, only this time they all knew it was coming and couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Luke wasn’t ready to give up yet though. He kept shaking his head. “So? I don’t care! That doesn’t mean you get to control him!”
“It means,” Eric continued, “that until Noah is deemed to be back in sound mind and can make his own decisions, we’ll be the ones taking care of him. And it’s our decision to take him back to Georgia. Away from this place and anything that has hurt him here.”
“He’ll hate you for it,” Luke spit out, face getting red with anger and terror.
Autumn flinched, a few tears spilling down her face. But her voice remained as set as her husband’s. “He’s our son. We lost the chance to take care of him nineteen years ago, Luke. We’re not going to let that happen again.” She bit her lip for a second, looked at the row of unhappy, unyielding faces in front of her, and then quickly turned and left the room.
Eric stood still, also looking back at them. As Lily watched, his face only grew more resolute and closed. She’d seen that same expression on Noah a few times, and it made her heart hurt. Eric blinked once, twice, and then headed for the door. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning,” was the last thing he said before the door shut behind him.
Luke leaned forward in his bed almost bonelessly, face buried in his hands. His shoulders shook, and Lily couldn’t help but sit next to him on the bed, pulling him as close to her as his IV and monitor wires would allow. “Luke, baby…” she whispered. Holden stood on the other side of the bed, starting to pace. Bob stayed where he was, leaning back against the window sill.
Luke leaned into her, still shaking. “They can’t. They can’t,” he whispered over and over.
Lily soothed a hand over his hair, gently rocking him. “It’s not permanent, honey, you know that, right? As soon as Noah’s better, he’s going to be on the first thing that moves back here to Oakdale. To you.”
“Unless he can’t,” Luke mumbled into her shoulder.
“What do you mean?” she asked, frowning. Holden continued to pace, but his eyes focused in on his son.
“He’s going to shut himself away. I know he is.” Luke sounded agonized. “Who’s he going to be when he gets back, Mom? My Noah, or the Noah we found in that basement last summer?”
************
Four hours and two naps later, Luke awoke to the sound of someone knocking on his hospital room door. “Come in.” And just like with every knock, his expression turned hopeful, wondering if maybe this time a solution would walk through, or (better yet) Noah would.
But also just like with every knock, no such luck. His face fell when Krista ducked her head into the room, eyes tired and wary. “Luke? The nurse said you wanted to see me.”
Luke stared at her for a second before nodding. As Krista eased her way into the room and shut the door behind her, he readjusted the bed to bring himself up to a sitting position. “Yeah,” his voice shook.
Krista reacted to the sound, but still came close enough to take a seat next to the bed. “I can’t change my parents’ minds,” she said softly, looking down at her hands.
Luke flinched, clenching his jaw tightly to keep from crying. And/or screaming. “So you don’t agree with them,” he guessed.
“I never said that,” she responded carefully. “I do think Noah should get the best possible care. And I do think my parents need to be the ones who help him. But…” finally she looked up. “But I am sorry that it upsets you.”
“It’s going to upset him too,” Luke told her. “A lot. And it’s going to hurt him.”
“It’s a done deal, Luke,” she was still quiet, cautious. “He’s leaving with us tomorrow.”
For a moment Luke’s vision went dark. Nonononono. He couldn’t get himself to accept this. He just couldn’t. They’d already gone through enough crap in their lives, there’s no way the universe would be this much of a bitch. Something would convince the Millers to stay, right? But just in case… “Then I need you to do something for me.”
“Do what?” Krista still looked nervous.
He reached over to his bedside table where a paper was folded up neatly. “Here.” He handed it to her.
She took the paper gingerly, unfolding it as though afraid it was some piece of hate mail. A part of Luke didn’t blame her for thinking that, since there was enough anger in him to power a mid-size volcano, but another part of him didn’t care. This was more important than hate mail.
“It’s a list,” he explained needlessly. “Noah’s favorite movies. And a list of movies he likes to watch whenever he’s not feeling well. And his favorite food, and some candy I know he likes, even though he won’t admit he splurges on them sometimes. But I know. And there’s a list of CDs he listens to, and…” he had to pause to keep himself from breaking down. “And, just, stuff he likes. Stuff he might need.”
She traced the list lightly with one finger, not looking at him. “His Chicken Soup movies?” she spoke softly.
He nodded, not looking at her either. The fact that she knew that term at all proved to him she was the right person to tell what he was about to tell. “There’s something else, Krista.”
Her head snapped up. Luke had never actually said her name before. It felt weird on his lips. He didn’t like it. He took a deep breath, not liking anything that he was about to do. “Noah doesn’t like hospital rooms. Something bad happened to him last time he was in one.”
“I know what happened,” she whispered, almost whimpered.
He refused to feel anything for her. “He’s going to have nightmares. And, and that means he’ll probably have panic attacks. When that happens, you have to get him to calm himself down. Drugs, sedatives, whatever, they knock him out but they don’t, um, soothe him. Okay? So you have to do that.”
Krista was quiet for a bit before speaking. “How do I do it?” she asked, sounding a little more steady.
Against his will, Luke appreciated that. “He has to take deep breaths. You have to get him to do that. Tell him to breathe deep and slow. Counting helps, it’s an exercise he learned in therapy. Sometimes just counting slow is enough to help him out of it.” His hands were shaking again, so he clasped them together in his lap.
“Is that it? What if counting isn’t enough?”
Luke hated when it wasn’t enough. “S-sometimes, I have to put his hand on my chest. Over my heart, so he can feel it. Sometimes it slows his heart rate down, gets him to try to match mine. And it helps,” a sharp pain laced through his lungs, and Luke had no idea if it was from the internal bleeding or something much much worse. “It helps reconnect him. Reminds him he’s not alone-” he cut himself off and turned away.
“Luke…” Thankfully, Krista stopped herself from saying anything else. She probably knew there was nothing she could say to make him feel better.
“Just make sure he knows I didn’t want this to happen,” Luke managed to say, even when it felt like glass was filling up his throat. “Make sure he knows I’m pissed and I tried everything I could to keep him here. Where he belongs,” he couldn’t help but stress the words.
“I will,” she sounded like she might be crying.
Luke didn’t care. “And make sure he gets enough rest, and follows whatever orders the doctors give him. Don’t leave the room in complete darkness at night. Don’t stare at him, don’t try to force him to talk about anything. And if he needs to talk to me, I don’t care what time it is, he can call me and I’ll answer.”
They were both crying now. “I will,” she said again. Then she stood up. But instead of going to the door, she came closer to the bed. “Luke.” He turned towards her but didn’t dare look her in the eyes. Until she said, “Do you want to go see him?”
************
Continued in 11a