Love you so much it turns to hate

[carnivalnights]

There is no denying that the longer you are around me, the more you will begin to hate the things you once loved about me.

I also think I may bring out the worst in people.

Neither party can control it. It just happens. And it breaks my heart.

Comments

[janissaryjames]

C to my H, dear. C to my H.

Do Canadians get American comics? Because that'd be totally profound down here ;)

[carnivalnights]

You're sweet. *pets*

And yes, yes we do. Calvin and Hobbes is in the paper every day. I'm not sure which others are American though. Probably all of them. Heh.

[janissaryjames]

I love your cat avater, by the way. I wish to hump it.

[carnivalnights]

Well, since Halloween is my favourite holiday, it takes an extremely good icon to become my officiall Halloween icon of the year. But this one is just fabulous and totally deserved to be this year's icon. :D It's so adorable.

[nonefaker]

Maybe it's just a phase... that it goes back to loving again, after that.
(My comments don't help:(

[carnivalnights]

No, that was sweet, thank you. <3

Even if you're right though, people won't stick around long enough to find out. Everyone is far too impatient.

I swear, I must be the most patient person in the world. I just don't give up and I don't have a breaking point. I always remain patient... it's probably more of a flaw than a good trait.

[dex]

From a book by Mark Matousek:

The failure of my relationship with Alexander had made me realize how bound together love and hate were inside me, how invariably I grew to despise the people I loved, reflexively, the deeper they touched me. I felt powerless to stop this reaction, and it ruined most of my closest relationships. Love and hate formed a strange barrier of intensity, as if my heart were surrounded by fire. Anyone who hoped to be loved by me had to pass through this blaze of resistance again and again before they got through. Unfortunately, by the time the ordeal was over, most of them were so burned, and I was so ashamed of my behavior, that we couldn't love each other anyway.

[carnivalnights]

That is beautifully written and so familiar. I feel like I have to do this with people all the time. Except... no matter how burned I become, I never seem to turn away. And at a point, this becomes fruitless and, quite honestly, stupid. Yet I do it anyway, over and over again. It makes me feel like that is how I will be forced to walk away from every relationship I'm in... because people just seem to run from me at some point. Two people this year alone said they didn't like being around me. That's probably the worst thing anyone can say to anyone else...

But yes, this was extremely relevant. Thank you for thinking about this passage and posting it. <3

[invisble]

Not to be metaphysical, but I think it's an Aquarian thing. Society can't deal with forward thinkers for very long.

[carnivalnights]

I just found out my personality type is INFJ and we're only 2% of the population. That's horrible.

But yes, I'd like to blame my sign rather than myself. *does that* Heh. What you're saying makes sense though. It's the aggressive/dominant, honest, outspoken parts of my personality people can't handle, most of the time.

It's depressing.

[invisble]

It can be depressing, yes, but that is the Aquarian curse. The most brilliant mind in the zodiac, but with brilliance comes isolation.

Your sign is as much a part of you as anything else. Aquarians are dominant know-it-alls, and they're (we're) unapologetic about it. No one likes a smart ass, even when the smart ass is constantly right. Espescially when the smart ass is constantly right.

[freyis]

I've experienced this myself, from others and from myself.

Weird, isn't it, how it can go so quickly to one and then back to the other.

[carnivalnights]

It is weird, yes. Disheartening, especially if you really like the person. :\

It makes me scared to ever fully open myself up to anyone again if it's just going to end in rejection.

[freyis]

All we can do is try, and hope.

I think that if I ever give up on this aspect of life, then... I dunno. That will be a very sad day if it ever comes around.