FIC: [Friday's Classified] Greetings from S. Annatar! (LotR)
You know, I write one silly Classified a week -- as do the other middleearthnews mods -- and yet I never think about posting them to my LJ, even though they're creative endeavours. So, at least for the moment, I'm going to try out crossposting mine here, at least for my own safekeeping. They're fic of sorts, after all, although I'm not sure they need headers. Anyway...
This one was heavily cribbed from a ridiculously lengthy 419 scam email to M-ENews (and then altered). Boy, those guys are wordy. This is less than half the size of the original email.
Mellon nin,
My name is S. Annatar, attorney at law. A client of mine, by the name of M. Bauglir (who hereafter shall be referred to as my client), "died" as the result of a Void-related condition in FA 583. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the riches left behind by my client before they are confiscated by the Financial House of Eönwë, where my client's holdings, valued at a full three (3) Silmarils and one (1) Iron Crown, are lodged.
My proposition to you is to seek your consent to present you as the lieutenant next-of-kin and beneficiary of my named client -- as M. Bauglir listed none -- so that the proceeds of his account can be paid to you. All rings legal documents needed to back up your claim as my client's next-of-kin will be provided, protecting you from any Valar breach of law. We will share the Silmarils benefit upon our mutual agreement.
Please contact me at lordofgifts@outer-void.co.mid at once to indicate your interest. This is a time-sensitive concern, so please act quickly.
Hantalë,
S. Annatar
Dark Lord Attorney to the Maiar.
This one was heavily cribbed from a ridiculously lengthy 419 scam email to M-ENews (and then altered). Boy, those guys are wordy. This is less than half the size of the original email.
Mellon nin,
My name is S. Annatar, attorney at law. A client of mine, by the name of M. Bauglir (who hereafter shall be referred to as my client), "died" as the result of a Void-related condition in FA 583. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the riches left behind by my client before they are confiscated by the Financial House of Eönwë, where my client's holdings, valued at a full three (3) Silmarils and one (1) Iron Crown, are lodged.
My proposition to you is to seek your consent to present you as the lieutenant next-of-kin and beneficiary of my named client -- as M. Bauglir listed none -- so that the proceeds of his account can be paid to you. All rings legal documents needed to back up your claim as my client's next-of-kin will be provided, protecting you from any Valar breach of law. We will share the Silmarils benefit upon our mutual agreement.
Please contact me at lordofgifts@outer-void.co.mid at once to indicate your interest. This is a time-sensitive concern, so please act quickly.
Hantalë,
S. Annatar
Dark Lord Attorney to the Maiar.