Comments | caramelsilver: Fic: Company Between Us

caramelsilver

Fic: Company Between Us

May 21, 2010 16:56

Title: Company Between Us
Author: caramelsilver
Fandom: Narnia
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 7400
Characters: Susan Pevensie and Edmund Pevensie
Warnings: Spoilers through all seven books. Smoking and drinking. One or two swear words.

Summary: Susan is all alone after the death of her family and Edmund thinks she needs a little help living her life again.

AN: ( Read more... )

my fanfiction, character: edmund pevensie, character: susan pevensie, narnia fanfiction

Comments 20

hungrytiger11 May 21 2010, 23:30:55 UTC

This is very lovely, and really an unusual take on Susan's life-after-mourning. It is lovely and sad, very poetic almost. The only strange thing was the sentence " Narnia learned her" because it is not grammatically correct nor is it a colloquialism I think they'd use.

caramelsilver May 22 2010, 13:58:55 UTC

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it=)

Um wow... what an embarrassing mistake to make. Thanks for pointing it out, it's fixed now! (Don't know how that happened, but I guess it's my Norwegian shining through *sheepish* Again, thanks for pointing it out!)

han_corrupted May 22 2010, 14:28:51 UTC

The only strange thing was the sentence "Narnia learned her" because it is not grammatically correct nor is it a colloquialism I think they'd use.

I literally had to search for that - wonder why I didn't catch it during the beta. You're quite right, though, it should say "taught", not "learned".

ayascythe May 23 2010, 08:23:55 UTC

I was actually wondering about that, too, when I beta'ed the fic, but the translation site said it was an archaic expression for teaching so I let it slip. *shrugs* I guess it's not very common, I hadn't heard about it before.

han_corrupted May 22 2010, 14:30:23 UTC

Yay! It's posted. Good for you, C! :) It's wonderful, but I told you that before. lol

Other than that thing hungrytiger11 pointed out, it's good. (Fail that I didn't catch it myself, guess my Swedish shone through there as your Norwegian did! LOL)

caramelsilver May 31 2010, 21:24:40 UTC

:D Thank you so much for your help, and I'm glad you liked it as well &hearts

lizzie_marie_23 May 22 2010, 15:26:16 UTC

THIS! This is amazing and wonderful and you write Edmund so perfectly and Susan is wow!

I never really thought about Susan so much before, and it's great that she started living again. I always felt bad that people write her off, or assume that she didn't go to Aslan's country because she "didn't deserve" it. And you get into her life after mourning really nicely.

And then Edmund is hurting just as much as Susan is. It's really lovely how he wants to hold her, but never can. And the combination of heartbroken and bratty is just lovely.

The little details you included really add to this story. Like the fact that he's always wearing the same clothes and they're always wrinkled. And the paradox that he can't have the cigarette and the sword at the same time. I think that scene where she remembers the princess and the dragon is just lovely.

The scenes where they're arguing about death and what it's like are some of the most beautiful I've read for a long time. Like this: About all the things that were now gone, people that were dead, ( ... )

caramelsilver May 31 2010, 21:29:24 UTC

I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU LIKED IT! I WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS AND I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED IT.

I've been toying with the idea of Edmund as a ghost for a long time, and the first scene just came to me. I knew I had to write it, and I was kind of nervous that it would be too... original and that you wouldn't like it. But it does have Susan and Edmund, and I, at least, think they are being awesome.

I tried incorporating as much as you wanted, while adding my own. I don't know if you could tell, but I really fell in love with the imagery of Edmund, always rumpled and constantly smoking. I can picture it perfectly in my mind, you see, and tried my hardest to convey that in the text.

&hearts &hearts so happy that you liked it.

lizzie_marie_23 December 8 2011, 02:58:16 UTC

Okay, this story of yours is still super super amazing and I'm slowly rediscovering everything that is wonderful about it. Would it be okay if I erased it? I just really want to give you something in return for the awesomeness that was your erasure of my story.

caramelsilver December 8 2011, 10:29:18 UTC

(Thank you, thank you! Out of all my fics, this is definitely my favorite.)

And of course! You can erase any of my fics at any time you may wish :)

ayascythe May 23 2010, 08:32:37 UTC

I really love this, but you know that already, don't you? ;) It's so good to see Susan get a chance to live her own life and be happy. I think it's turned out greast, the part about Susan and James, the order of the paragraphs ... very lovely. +A for the new title!

caramelsilver May 31 2010, 21:30:03 UTC

:D:D Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it. I'm very pleased with the result as well. And yeah, the first title had to go:P

snacky May 30 2010, 01:08:16 UTC

I really liked this fic a lot! I loved how you (and Ed :D) took Susan from grief to tentative steps to living to full life again. I really liked Edmund assuring Susan that she was always a Queen of Narnia. And oh, so many little details, like Susan preferring coffee, and the cold when Ed was near.

Thanks so much for sharing this!

caramelsilver May 31 2010, 21:31:03 UTC

Thank you so much. I'm glad all my little details added up the way I wanted it too. It's nice to hear that you enjoyed it!

Thank you for reviewing!