Crush
Skwisgaar’s POV, takes place back when Toki first joined Dethklok
Warning: Things of the porn nature
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
x-posted to i_hates_you
We never should have signed with a married guitarist, we all knew that, but Magnus was good. He thought he could manage to have both, and we wanted to believe him. Eventually though, it came down to him having to choose, and he chose his family. I can’t blame him for that, they were first. At least he agreed to stay until we found a replacement.
Replacing a rhythm guitarist wouldn’t be any big deal in most bands, but we’re not most bands. We needed someone who wouldn’t slow me down. It was the third week of tryouts, prospects were screened by my guitar tech and only the best were allowed to actually audition for us. None of them were good enough.
I thought there must have been some mistake when they sent him up, the thing he was carrying... calling it a piece of shit would be complimenting it, I’ve never seen a guitar in worse condition. Even the worst pawn shops wouldn’t have touched this thing, it must have come form somebody’s trash. It’s owner was a match, in worn out, baggy clothes and long, shaggy hair.
Nathan was in charge that day, either he or Pickles had been doing the interviews. “Hey. Do you speak English?”
We’d had a lot of foreigners, so they’d gotten in the habit of asking that first. The guy, he looked young but it was hard to really tell, wiggled one hand in a so-so gesture.
“Uh, well do you at least understand English?”
This time he nodded quickly. Good enough then.
He played for us, fast but strangely, seeming to avoid certain parts of his guitar. I was pretty sure I knew why. It was different though, not the same old speed metal riffs that they all seemed to feel the need to show us. Magnus was nodding approvingly, but of course the decision would be up to me. I stood up and grabbed my guitar.
He stopped playing and watched me.
“Heys, you plays what I plays, ja?”
He gave me a surprised look that I didn’t understand at the time, and nodded. And so I played, and watched him try to follow me. I was right about his guitar, the dead frets he’d been avoiding sounded terrible when I led him across them. I could tell he knew just how bad it sounded, his face was scrunched in frustration.
Magnus stopped us, and then handed the guy his own Gibson. Without a word he returned to his seat, and we started to play again. I was playing a rhythm line of course, but now thanks to Magnus’ Flying V, he was keeping up with me fine. In the corner, Nathan was on the phone, most likely calling the others. This guy looked like a keeper, at least when he had a decent guitar in his hands.
Murderface and Pickles came in and sat with the others as I led the guy through more scales, showing them what he could do. I could see they approved.
I was sick of holding these auditions, and this guy could indeed play what I wanted him too. Plus, I liked it that he wasn’t all arrogant like many others had been, like they deserved to be in Dethklok. I nodded to Nathan and we quit playing.
“Okay, uh... guy, you’re in. What’s your name?”
“Toki Wartooth.”
We were all silent, letting Nathan handle it. “Where are you from anyway?”
“Norge. Ums... Norways?”
“Huh cool, we’ve got like, matching guitarists!”
Sweden and Norway are not the same place, but correcting Nathan’s geography was always a lost cause.
The guy, Toki, shyly approached Magnus and held out the guitar.
“You know what? Keep it. The guitar might as well go with the position.” He patted a very shocked new guitarist on the shoulder and stood up. “Well guys, it’s past my time to go home. Don’t forget to send me Christmas cards or something, and call sometime.” He walked out.
Ofdensen showed up and took our newest member off to do paperwork and whatever else.
****
Toki was strange. He came to practice and meals, played what I told him and ate whatever was put in front of him, but otherwise he kept to himself. He almost never talked either.
I wasn’t sure how old he was, the baggy clothes and odd mannerisms made him seem like a teenager, but it was hard to be sure and none of us asked. He didn’t drink, he didn’t hang out with us, he avoided the ladies when they were there... he was just really weird. Still, there was something appealing about him.
After a few weeks I got curious enough to knock on his door one night, we’d all been drinking and watching some TV, he’d disappeared after dinner as usual. He was probably in his room, as far as I knew that was where he spent most of his time. Maybe he liked to watch TV alone for some reason, or whatever else he did in there?
I had to ask a hood guy where his room was, I had no clue.
I was surprised when he opened the door, this was not the room of a rock star. This was... a monk’s cell or something. A small room with no windows, containing nothing but a small bed with plain white sheets and not even a blanket.
“Can I comes in?”
He nodded and stepped aside, gesturing to the bed since it was the only place to sit.
It wasn’t even a very soft bed. He sat down too, after I patted the bed.
“Why don’ts you wants to be hangings out wit us anyways?”
He shrugged, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with that this time. “I knows you can talks, so talks to me.”
“Too much bads? I can’ts does... things are wrongs.” He spoke like someone who had learned English from books and movies but had never had an opportunity to actually use it.
I tried to think what might have upset him last... Murderface had been reading some porn mag, could that be it? “You means de ladies?”
“You just laughs at Toki.”
“No I won’ts. Why ams you tinking dat everyting ams bads? Ams I bads?
Thought he wouldn’t answer, but then he did. “I’s sees you kiss goils!”
He probably had, I kiss a lot of ladies. And do a lot more than that to them, once we get to my room, but how could he think kissing was wrong? Oh... something religious? “Ams dis what somebodies tells you dat god doesn’t likes?”
“If you does bads things, you’s catch burnings and burns forevers!”
“Pfft, dey lies to yous. I kiss lots of de ladies and I ams jus fines. You means you’s never even kisses before?” I still wasn’t sure of his age, but he couldn’t be that young.
I was a little drunk, and it just seemed like a good idea at the time, so I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
He stared at me in shock, but nobody burst into flames. He looked terrified that he would at any moment though.
What was I doing? I’m not even into guys. But there was just something oddly endearing about him... “Can I does it again?”
He didn’t run screaming or anything, so I took that as a yes. I kissed him again, softly, feeling him respond and kiss me back. I stopped myself before long, I was barely drunk enough to be doing this, and nowhere near drunk enough to think that playing ‘seduce the new guitarist’ was a good idea. “See, nobody ams deads.” I left him alone.
For some reason, I kept finding myself thinking about him. I had expected things to change, but nothing had. He still went to his room any time there were ladies around.
I had decided it was likely one of two things: Either he actually gay, or whoever had been telling him that ladies were so evil hadn’t thought to include guys in the warnings. So I decided to ask him. Maybe it was just an excuse to kiss him again, I wasn’t all that sure.
He told me a story I couldn’t understand much of. Ladies make bad dreams, and burning your sheets, and... mixing broken English and religious bullshit didn’t come out very clear. But he’d definitely been told that ladies were bad, even though I was pretty foggy on the details. So if I could make him okay with stuff, I’d be helping him, right? Or maybe that was just an excuse to kiss him again.
“You kisses me and I ams not deads or on fires.”
And so we kissed again, longer. I didn’t know why I was doing this, only that I wanted to. He flinched when I put my hand on his shoulder, but didn’t pull away. I vaguely registered that it wasn’t the thin, bony shoulder I’d expected, hard and muscled instead. But I was distracted by his mouth, flicking my tongue lightly across his lips, seeing how far he’d let me go.
His lips parted and I went for it, slipping my tongue inside.
The tiny surprised sound he made was strangely erotic, and then his tongue met mine.
What the hell was I doing? There was just something about his innocence, willingness, the way he hesitated... it was maddening. I wanted more.
I ran my hand down his side, not daring too do more. That body... he’s older that he seems, he’s not a kid at all.
I finally made myself stop again.
It took three fan girls to get him out of my system that night.
****
He avoided me for the next several days. He still came to practice and meals, but it wasn’t the same. I’d messed up, somehow, but I’d hardly done anything!
And then I came upon a fire in the hallway. Confused, I just stood there and watched it burn until the responding hood guys put it out. I heard them say something about this happening before... Hadn’t Toki said something about burning sheets? Had he done this?
I went to his room, but it was empty. The mattress was bare.
Before I could even wonder if he’d left, Toki came in carrying new sheets. He didn’t look happy to see me, and silently remade his bed.
“Why de fucks dids you set you’s sheets on fire?”
“Hads to. Ruins. Bad dreams, so bads.”
I was really confused now, trying to figure out how bad dreams could ruin your sheets. And why couldn’t they just be washed? “You has de night horses?”
He looked confused for a minute, then figured it out. “Noes, the others kind. The bads kind.”
Determined to figure this one out, I sat on the bed. “How does you know it ams bad?”
“Because on the sheets.” He shuddered, but he was blushing. That gave the idea that he wasn’t talking about bed wetting here. “De white stuffs?”
He nodded, hiding behind his hair.
“Why ams dat bads? Maybe you just needs to jacks off more, and den it won’t happens when you ams alseeps?”
He was staring at me now, with an expression of absolute horror. Oh boy, more religious brainwashing.
“Let’s me guess, dey tells you someting bad will happens if you does it?” He nodded. “Ams not bad, feels good. You has never does it?” That’s just unbelievable to me, kids just naturally do it. But he’s shaking his head.
Acting on impulse (he makes me oddly impulsive), I stand and start to undress. “I ams going to shows you dat it ams okays.” Once naked, I sit back down. I’ve never been shy. “Kiss me?”
Unsure, he does. We’re not even touching except for our mouths, but that somehow only makes it more erotic. In no time at all I’m ready to begin my demonstration.
I break the kiss and reach for my cock. “Watch.”
Embarrassed, he covers his face but I can see that he’s watching through his fingers as I begin to stroke myself. I decide to make it a quick one, or the suspense might kill him.
I haven’t done this in a long while, (why would I when I have so many willing partners?) but I can still play myself with the same practiced ease as my guitar.
He’s watching, through his fingers and behind his hair but he’s watching my hand. He shifts position, I suspect my little show is turning him on but he won’t even adjust himself.
I can be quick if I want or need to be, and it doesn’t take long before I finish. Knowing his sheet obsession, I’m careful that it all lands on me, then wipe off with my shirt. Toki had cringed back a little, no doubt waiting for me to burst into flames or something. “I does dis kinds of stuff alls de time and I’s fine. You should tries it.”
I didn’t know his eyes could get that big! It would be funny if he wasn’t so scared. “Takes you’s clothes off.” I suspect he’ll respond to a command better than a request.
He shakily stands and slowly undresses, blushing hard. He’s surprisingly built, and clearly older than I’d thought. Good, I knew he wasn’t a minor, but still. Naked, he sits back down but he’s practically sitting on his hands.
“Jus touch it, it ams okays.”
But he won’t, the ideas he’s been trained to are too strong. He really thinks he’ll die or something.
I have an idea. “Okays... don’t freaks out nows...” I carefully move to sit behind him, my legs on either side of his. He flinches from the contact but tolerates it. I press my chest against his back. “I ams rights here, I promise nothing bad ams going to happens. Touches it, it feels goods.”
As if in slow motion, one hand moves until his fingers brush his cock. He trembles against me, I’m not sure if it’s from fear or the sensations. I wrap one arm around his chest, holding him. “Keeps going.”
A few hesitant strokes and then biology takes over, he’s stroking himself and pressing back against me so hard that I have to brace my free arm behind me for support. I kiss his neck and shoulders, encouraging him.
Despite his unlearned technique, he doesn’t last long at all. He rests against me, panting a little. Some of his cum hit my arm, but I don’t care.
After a bit, I offer him my shirt to clean up with.
****
I bring a bottle with me, some fruity flavor I found in our stash. It probably belongs to Pickles, but so what? I’ve decided that Toki needs to get over his fear of alcohol so he can at least hang out with us when we’re drinking, and he’ll probably like fruit flavored better than plain.
He lets me in, but backs away suspiciously when I hold up the bottle. “Toki, trust me. You ams goings to has to at least be arounds drinkings, we does it a lots.”
I sit on the bed and take a sip, it’s strange but not bad.
Toki finally comes to sit beside me.
I take another drink and then kiss him, letting him taste it in my mouth. He’s hesitant again, but quickly accepts it and kisses back.
I take another small sip but don’t swallow, and when he meets my mouth again I let it trickle into his. Surprised, he swallows, then pulls away. I can see that he’s on the edge of freaking out over it. “It’s okays, you’s okays. You already drinks a little and you ams fines.” I take another drink to prove my point, then hold the bottle out to him.
I think he’s going to refuse, but slowly he reaches for it. Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he raises the bottle.
I smile as he dares to drink, then can’t help laughing when it makes him cough. I probably should have started him with beer or something, but I wasn’t thinking. “You gots to take a deep breath first, den drink, sorries I forgets to mention dat.”
He tries again, and taking a big breath and a small sip, and does fine.
I take the bottle back, I don’t want to get him drunk. That would probably be a disaster since he has no experience with it. And I don’t want to get very drunk either because I just don’t completely trust myself with him, not anymore.
I just can’t stay away, I don’t understand it.
****
Things get complicated, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to fuck him, but something, some new part of me, is stopping me. I was only trying to help him, I’m not supposed to be craving him, I’m not supposed to care.
He wants contact now, wanting to kiss me when we’re alone, to touch my face. The touching is never sexual. I know he would if I asked, but something keeps stopping me.
He’s naked on my bed, he likes my fur blanket. I’ve created a monster.
Well not really, he has no idea what I want to do to him, doesn’t realize how tempting he is. He’s a little drunk too.
He showed up tonight when I’d just gotten out of the shower, and for some reason decided that meant he should take his clothes off too. I guess I could have gotten dressed, but... I just didn’t. It’s so hard to keep my hands above his waist, but I’m doing my best to behave.
This has gotten out of my control.
****
I ask one of my special ladies to deal with him. I know he likes them, he’s just still scared. She’s young and pretty, most guys like that. I told her not to push him too hard, but do whatever she could.
She reports that it’s going well. I hope he’s not falling in love with her or something. I realize I’m a little jealous, and that alone disturbs me. How did he get so far under my skin?
It’s best this way, for the best. If we ever take things further, it needs to be on an even field.
That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.
****
Well it worked. Toki is very willing to kiss the ladies now. I’m not sure how many he goes farther with, he’s still kind of shy, but I guess I fixed him.
Somehow it doesn’t feel like victory, but as a loss. That something rare and special was, for a brief time, all mine.
Someday, Toki, if you ever want to pick up where we left off...
I’ll be waiting.
Warning: Things of the porn nature
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
x-posted to i_hates_you
We never should have signed with a married guitarist, we all knew that, but Magnus was good. He thought he could manage to have both, and we wanted to believe him. Eventually though, it came down to him having to choose, and he chose his family. I can’t blame him for that, they were first. At least he agreed to stay until we found a replacement.
Replacing a rhythm guitarist wouldn’t be any big deal in most bands, but we’re not most bands. We needed someone who wouldn’t slow me down. It was the third week of tryouts, prospects were screened by my guitar tech and only the best were allowed to actually audition for us. None of them were good enough.
I thought there must have been some mistake when they sent him up, the thing he was carrying... calling it a piece of shit would be complimenting it, I’ve never seen a guitar in worse condition. Even the worst pawn shops wouldn’t have touched this thing, it must have come form somebody’s trash. It’s owner was a match, in worn out, baggy clothes and long, shaggy hair.
Nathan was in charge that day, either he or Pickles had been doing the interviews. “Hey. Do you speak English?”
We’d had a lot of foreigners, so they’d gotten in the habit of asking that first. The guy, he looked young but it was hard to really tell, wiggled one hand in a so-so gesture.
“Uh, well do you at least understand English?”
This time he nodded quickly. Good enough then.
He played for us, fast but strangely, seeming to avoid certain parts of his guitar. I was pretty sure I knew why. It was different though, not the same old speed metal riffs that they all seemed to feel the need to show us. Magnus was nodding approvingly, but of course the decision would be up to me. I stood up and grabbed my guitar.
He stopped playing and watched me.
“Heys, you plays what I plays, ja?”
He gave me a surprised look that I didn’t understand at the time, and nodded. And so I played, and watched him try to follow me. I was right about his guitar, the dead frets he’d been avoiding sounded terrible when I led him across them. I could tell he knew just how bad it sounded, his face was scrunched in frustration.
Magnus stopped us, and then handed the guy his own Gibson. Without a word he returned to his seat, and we started to play again. I was playing a rhythm line of course, but now thanks to Magnus’ Flying V, he was keeping up with me fine. In the corner, Nathan was on the phone, most likely calling the others. This guy looked like a keeper, at least when he had a decent guitar in his hands.
Murderface and Pickles came in and sat with the others as I led the guy through more scales, showing them what he could do. I could see they approved.
I was sick of holding these auditions, and this guy could indeed play what I wanted him too. Plus, I liked it that he wasn’t all arrogant like many others had been, like they deserved to be in Dethklok. I nodded to Nathan and we quit playing.
“Okay, uh... guy, you’re in. What’s your name?”
“Toki Wartooth.”
We were all silent, letting Nathan handle it. “Where are you from anyway?”
“Norge. Ums... Norways?”
“Huh cool, we’ve got like, matching guitarists!”
Sweden and Norway are not the same place, but correcting Nathan’s geography was always a lost cause.
The guy, Toki, shyly approached Magnus and held out the guitar.
“You know what? Keep it. The guitar might as well go with the position.” He patted a very shocked new guitarist on the shoulder and stood up. “Well guys, it’s past my time to go home. Don’t forget to send me Christmas cards or something, and call sometime.” He walked out.
Ofdensen showed up and took our newest member off to do paperwork and whatever else.
****
Toki was strange. He came to practice and meals, played what I told him and ate whatever was put in front of him, but otherwise he kept to himself. He almost never talked either.
I wasn’t sure how old he was, the baggy clothes and odd mannerisms made him seem like a teenager, but it was hard to be sure and none of us asked. He didn’t drink, he didn’t hang out with us, he avoided the ladies when they were there... he was just really weird. Still, there was something appealing about him.
After a few weeks I got curious enough to knock on his door one night, we’d all been drinking and watching some TV, he’d disappeared after dinner as usual. He was probably in his room, as far as I knew that was where he spent most of his time. Maybe he liked to watch TV alone for some reason, or whatever else he did in there?
I had to ask a hood guy where his room was, I had no clue.
I was surprised when he opened the door, this was not the room of a rock star. This was... a monk’s cell or something. A small room with no windows, containing nothing but a small bed with plain white sheets and not even a blanket.
“Can I comes in?”
He nodded and stepped aside, gesturing to the bed since it was the only place to sit.
It wasn’t even a very soft bed. He sat down too, after I patted the bed.
“Why don’ts you wants to be hangings out wit us anyways?”
He shrugged, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with that this time. “I knows you can talks, so talks to me.”
“Too much bads? I can’ts does... things are wrongs.” He spoke like someone who had learned English from books and movies but had never had an opportunity to actually use it.
I tried to think what might have upset him last... Murderface had been reading some porn mag, could that be it? “You means de ladies?”
“You just laughs at Toki.”
“No I won’ts. Why ams you tinking dat everyting ams bads? Ams I bads?
Thought he wouldn’t answer, but then he did. “I’s sees you kiss goils!”
He probably had, I kiss a lot of ladies. And do a lot more than that to them, once we get to my room, but how could he think kissing was wrong? Oh... something religious? “Ams dis what somebodies tells you dat god doesn’t likes?”
“If you does bads things, you’s catch burnings and burns forevers!”
“Pfft, dey lies to yous. I kiss lots of de ladies and I ams jus fines. You means you’s never even kisses before?” I still wasn’t sure of his age, but he couldn’t be that young.
I was a little drunk, and it just seemed like a good idea at the time, so I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
He stared at me in shock, but nobody burst into flames. He looked terrified that he would at any moment though.
What was I doing? I’m not even into guys. But there was just something oddly endearing about him... “Can I does it again?”
He didn’t run screaming or anything, so I took that as a yes. I kissed him again, softly, feeling him respond and kiss me back. I stopped myself before long, I was barely drunk enough to be doing this, and nowhere near drunk enough to think that playing ‘seduce the new guitarist’ was a good idea. “See, nobody ams deads.” I left him alone.
For some reason, I kept finding myself thinking about him. I had expected things to change, but nothing had. He still went to his room any time there were ladies around.
I had decided it was likely one of two things: Either he actually gay, or whoever had been telling him that ladies were so evil hadn’t thought to include guys in the warnings. So I decided to ask him. Maybe it was just an excuse to kiss him again, I wasn’t all that sure.
He told me a story I couldn’t understand much of. Ladies make bad dreams, and burning your sheets, and... mixing broken English and religious bullshit didn’t come out very clear. But he’d definitely been told that ladies were bad, even though I was pretty foggy on the details. So if I could make him okay with stuff, I’d be helping him, right? Or maybe that was just an excuse to kiss him again.
“You kisses me and I ams not deads or on fires.”
And so we kissed again, longer. I didn’t know why I was doing this, only that I wanted to. He flinched when I put my hand on his shoulder, but didn’t pull away. I vaguely registered that it wasn’t the thin, bony shoulder I’d expected, hard and muscled instead. But I was distracted by his mouth, flicking my tongue lightly across his lips, seeing how far he’d let me go.
His lips parted and I went for it, slipping my tongue inside.
The tiny surprised sound he made was strangely erotic, and then his tongue met mine.
What the hell was I doing? There was just something about his innocence, willingness, the way he hesitated... it was maddening. I wanted more.
I ran my hand down his side, not daring too do more. That body... he’s older that he seems, he’s not a kid at all.
I finally made myself stop again.
It took three fan girls to get him out of my system that night.
****
He avoided me for the next several days. He still came to practice and meals, but it wasn’t the same. I’d messed up, somehow, but I’d hardly done anything!
And then I came upon a fire in the hallway. Confused, I just stood there and watched it burn until the responding hood guys put it out. I heard them say something about this happening before... Hadn’t Toki said something about burning sheets? Had he done this?
I went to his room, but it was empty. The mattress was bare.
Before I could even wonder if he’d left, Toki came in carrying new sheets. He didn’t look happy to see me, and silently remade his bed.
“Why de fucks dids you set you’s sheets on fire?”
“Hads to. Ruins. Bad dreams, so bads.”
I was really confused now, trying to figure out how bad dreams could ruin your sheets. And why couldn’t they just be washed? “You has de night horses?”
He looked confused for a minute, then figured it out. “Noes, the others kind. The bads kind.”
Determined to figure this one out, I sat on the bed. “How does you know it ams bad?”
“Because on the sheets.” He shuddered, but he was blushing. That gave the idea that he wasn’t talking about bed wetting here. “De white stuffs?”
He nodded, hiding behind his hair.
“Why ams dat bads? Maybe you just needs to jacks off more, and den it won’t happens when you ams alseeps?”
He was staring at me now, with an expression of absolute horror. Oh boy, more religious brainwashing.
“Let’s me guess, dey tells you someting bad will happens if you does it?” He nodded. “Ams not bad, feels good. You has never does it?” That’s just unbelievable to me, kids just naturally do it. But he’s shaking his head.
Acting on impulse (he makes me oddly impulsive), I stand and start to undress. “I ams going to shows you dat it ams okays.” Once naked, I sit back down. I’ve never been shy. “Kiss me?”
Unsure, he does. We’re not even touching except for our mouths, but that somehow only makes it more erotic. In no time at all I’m ready to begin my demonstration.
I break the kiss and reach for my cock. “Watch.”
Embarrassed, he covers his face but I can see that he’s watching through his fingers as I begin to stroke myself. I decide to make it a quick one, or the suspense might kill him.
I haven’t done this in a long while, (why would I when I have so many willing partners?) but I can still play myself with the same practiced ease as my guitar.
He’s watching, through his fingers and behind his hair but he’s watching my hand. He shifts position, I suspect my little show is turning him on but he won’t even adjust himself.
I can be quick if I want or need to be, and it doesn’t take long before I finish. Knowing his sheet obsession, I’m careful that it all lands on me, then wipe off with my shirt. Toki had cringed back a little, no doubt waiting for me to burst into flames or something. “I does dis kinds of stuff alls de time and I’s fine. You should tries it.”
I didn’t know his eyes could get that big! It would be funny if he wasn’t so scared. “Takes you’s clothes off.” I suspect he’ll respond to a command better than a request.
He shakily stands and slowly undresses, blushing hard. He’s surprisingly built, and clearly older than I’d thought. Good, I knew he wasn’t a minor, but still. Naked, he sits back down but he’s practically sitting on his hands.
“Jus touch it, it ams okays.”
But he won’t, the ideas he’s been trained to are too strong. He really thinks he’ll die or something.
I have an idea. “Okays... don’t freaks out nows...” I carefully move to sit behind him, my legs on either side of his. He flinches from the contact but tolerates it. I press my chest against his back. “I ams rights here, I promise nothing bad ams going to happens. Touches it, it feels goods.”
As if in slow motion, one hand moves until his fingers brush his cock. He trembles against me, I’m not sure if it’s from fear or the sensations. I wrap one arm around his chest, holding him. “Keeps going.”
A few hesitant strokes and then biology takes over, he’s stroking himself and pressing back against me so hard that I have to brace my free arm behind me for support. I kiss his neck and shoulders, encouraging him.
Despite his unlearned technique, he doesn’t last long at all. He rests against me, panting a little. Some of his cum hit my arm, but I don’t care.
After a bit, I offer him my shirt to clean up with.
****
I bring a bottle with me, some fruity flavor I found in our stash. It probably belongs to Pickles, but so what? I’ve decided that Toki needs to get over his fear of alcohol so he can at least hang out with us when we’re drinking, and he’ll probably like fruit flavored better than plain.
He lets me in, but backs away suspiciously when I hold up the bottle. “Toki, trust me. You ams goings to has to at least be arounds drinkings, we does it a lots.”
I sit on the bed and take a sip, it’s strange but not bad.
Toki finally comes to sit beside me.
I take another drink and then kiss him, letting him taste it in my mouth. He’s hesitant again, but quickly accepts it and kisses back.
I take another small sip but don’t swallow, and when he meets my mouth again I let it trickle into his. Surprised, he swallows, then pulls away. I can see that he’s on the edge of freaking out over it. “It’s okays, you’s okays. You already drinks a little and you ams fines.” I take another drink to prove my point, then hold the bottle out to him.
I think he’s going to refuse, but slowly he reaches for it. Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he raises the bottle.
I smile as he dares to drink, then can’t help laughing when it makes him cough. I probably should have started him with beer or something, but I wasn’t thinking. “You gots to take a deep breath first, den drink, sorries I forgets to mention dat.”
He tries again, and taking a big breath and a small sip, and does fine.
I take the bottle back, I don’t want to get him drunk. That would probably be a disaster since he has no experience with it. And I don’t want to get very drunk either because I just don’t completely trust myself with him, not anymore.
I just can’t stay away, I don’t understand it.
****
Things get complicated, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to fuck him, but something, some new part of me, is stopping me. I was only trying to help him, I’m not supposed to be craving him, I’m not supposed to care.
He wants contact now, wanting to kiss me when we’re alone, to touch my face. The touching is never sexual. I know he would if I asked, but something keeps stopping me.
He’s naked on my bed, he likes my fur blanket. I’ve created a monster.
Well not really, he has no idea what I want to do to him, doesn’t realize how tempting he is. He’s a little drunk too.
He showed up tonight when I’d just gotten out of the shower, and for some reason decided that meant he should take his clothes off too. I guess I could have gotten dressed, but... I just didn’t. It’s so hard to keep my hands above his waist, but I’m doing my best to behave.
This has gotten out of my control.
****
I ask one of my special ladies to deal with him. I know he likes them, he’s just still scared. She’s young and pretty, most guys like that. I told her not to push him too hard, but do whatever she could.
She reports that it’s going well. I hope he’s not falling in love with her or something. I realize I’m a little jealous, and that alone disturbs me. How did he get so far under my skin?
It’s best this way, for the best. If we ever take things further, it needs to be on an even field.
That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.
****
Well it worked. Toki is very willing to kiss the ladies now. I’m not sure how many he goes farther with, he’s still kind of shy, but I guess I fixed him.
Somehow it doesn’t feel like victory, but as a loss. That something rare and special was, for a brief time, all mine.
Someday, Toki, if you ever want to pick up where we left off...
I’ll be waiting.