4- Paradise lost
Previous parts: And the Devil will set you free, The streets of Norway, How many more sins?
Toki is starting to have some trouble at home, but his guitar playing is coming along very well.
Warnings: OC’s, minor violence
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
Several months later, things weren’t looking so bright anymore.
The sex was still great, but he couldn’t help feeling oddly used. Nadine didn’t love him, he knew that. He didn’t love her either, not really. Whatever this was, it wasn’t love.
But she seemed to only like him for the sex, and treated him like a child half the time when they weren’t in bed. He’d been trying to ignore it, after all he was only a few years older than her son, but it still got annoying.
The guitar almost made up for all that though, he was still playing. Fortunately his fingertips had grown the necessary callouses and it didn’t hurt anymore. Well, not much anyway.
He was far beyond those beginner tapes now, and was using Nadine’s extensive music collection to try to teach himself more.
He could play a lot of songs now, but he wanted to play the faster, heavier ones and they were still beyond him.
He was going to buy his own guitar though, he knew exactly which one he wanted. He’d seen it as soon as he walked into the local music store, it’s shape stood out from the rest.
That was his guitar, as soon as he could save up enough money.
There were far cheaper ones, he could get a Squire like the one he was learning on for less than half the cost, but he wanted that one.
They called it a Flying V, and it was beautiful. Someday it would be his.
Toki was also driving now, despite still never having gotten a licence.
It had started innocently enough, Nadine was tired and needed a few things from the store. She knew it wasn’t legal, but she sent Toki anyway. “It’s an automatic, you pretty much can’t do it wrong. Just try not to run into anything,”
And he hadn’t. Traffic was a bit scary, but there wasn’t much of that in their area. And driving itself was actually kind of fun.
Some of the time anyway.
There were a few trouble spots in his paradise though.
Toki had overheard a friend asking Nadine how her ‘latest toy’ was working out. They fell silent when they saw him, making him suspect that he had been the subject.
Surely she didn’t think of him that way, surely her friend had been kidding? Nadine still seemed to want him quite a lot, although she had ‘places she had to be’ all of the time too.
She never invited him to go, but he just assumed she was at bars. He wasn’t eighteen yet, so of course she couldn’t take him with her.
But she always came home to him, in the end.
He practiced harder, his fingers were getting much faster.
Sometimes they still got jumbled up and tripped all over themselves, forcing him to slow down, but those incidences were getting fewer.
He was running out of things that he couldn’t play. Some of his guitar fund went to buying tapes, he didn’t care what kind. He’d tell the person in the store to give him the one with the fastest guitars.
Of course, most of these were metal.
He was officially playing the devil music now, and loving it.
Getting older had also made it necessary to shave regularly, which Toki thought was rather a pain. He’d been lucky though, when it started really growing it came in pretty even, not all patchy like some people he’d seen.
Sometimes he didn’t shave for a couple days, and then shave it into fun patterns. He was still working in the back, so it didn’t matter. Nadine didn’t like it much though, always nagging for him to shave it all off again.
And he would, because then he could try a new pattern.
It was after watching some movie with Asian people that beat each other up that he tried one of the styles he’d seen.
His last experiment had been a full goatee, so all he had to do was shave out the middle.
Toki thought it looked pretty cool, which meant that Nadine would hate it.
And she did, but he refused to shave it off, in fact he let it grow longer.
It made him look older too, he liked that.
Nadine had turned out to be the jealous type, accusing him of looking at girls. She always wanted to know where he was.
Toki felt that was extreme, he was usually at home, at work, or at the music store.
He was very close to affording his guitar now, and was getting paranoid that someone would buy it before he could. Just another week or two...
So he was less than excited when Nadine wanted him to get a passport, so they could go other places soon.
But he got one anyway.
And then Toki bought his beloved Flying V, and a small practice amp like the one he’d been using.
Whatever gods or devils that were looking after him had saved it for him, nobody had claimed it in all these months.
The difference was amazing, it played so much better than the cheap Squire.
He hadn’t realized just how much better it would be. The frets were high, the neck straight, the sound so clean.
His playing started improving even faster now.
One day when he got to work, Lars was still there. He rarely saw the day shift worker, but knew who he was of course. “Toki, man, I need to talk to you about something.”
This was strange, and it was time for him to start his shift. But Rune nodded to them. “It’s okay, go talk to him first.”
They went in the back, Toki confused and Lars seeming nervous.
“Look Toki... normally I’d stay out of this, but I just think you need to know about Nadine.”
What about Nadine? Toki waited for more.
“You’re not the first guy she’s taken in like that, I know of a few others. And when you’re at work, she fucks other people.”
“No, you must be wrong!” But now the he was being forced to face it, there had been signs...
“I’ve been with her even, not since she’s been with you, but before. You should get out, you deserve better. Meet a nice girl your own age, you know?”
This made sense, but...
It was impossible. He had nowhere to go, except back to that motel. His guitar had just used up almost all his money, he couldn’t afford to rent a place. And he couldn’t drag his guitar and amp around with him all the time, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to leave it in a motel room.
“I can’t, I have nowhere to go. I can’t leave her.” But he found that he wished he could. This relationship, if it could even be called that, had deteriorated into something he didn’t care for at all. Even the sex, although it still felt great, had taken on an edge that he really didn’t like.
But what could he do?
Lars wasn’t done yet though. “You remember my friend Terje?”
Only vaguely, having met him once or twice, but Toki nodded.
“Well he needs a new roommate, his got transfered. He’s a pretty cool guy, and it’s only a couple blocks from here... You interested?”
It sounded too good to be true, and he’s learned to be suspicious of such things. “He wouldn’t want to have sex with me, would he?”
Lars looked shocked at that. “No! He definitely wouldn’t want to have sex with you.”
“Okay.” He knew he should say something to Nadine, but it would be easier to sneak off like a coward. She’d gotten really good at manipulating him into doing what she wanted, and he didn’t dare give her the chance to change his mind.
After his shift, he want home and tried to pretend that everything was normal, that he wasn’t planning to leave the next day as soon as she left the house.
Unfortunately, Toki wasn’t all that good at pretending.
She knew he was hiding something, and accused him of cheating on her.
He denied it of course, he wasn’t doing that. He now knew that she was, but saying so would probably be a really bad idea.
Screaming now, she wouldn’t back off. Toki just kept edging away from her, until she slapped him.
He was not going to take that. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, and the crazy bitch had hit him.
“Fuck you, I’m leaving.” Toki had never actually said that word before, but now seemed like the perfect time to start. He grabbed his backpack, glad that he’d never bought a whole lot of stuff. He shoved his things into it quickly.
Nadine narrowed her eyes, then left the room.
Knowing where she was heading, Toki dropped his bag and went after her. He still kept his guitar in her son’s room, wanting it to be a separate thing.
He caught her in the doorway.
She turned on him when he grabbed her arm, striking wildly and drawing blood. He pushed her away, blocking the doorway. “If you hurt that guitar, I swear I’ll fucking kill you. I’m taking my stuff and I’m leaving. Tonight.” He turned away, muttering, “German whore...”
Shocked at being spoken to that way, she backed down. Then she started to cry, maybe tears would be more effective?
They weren’t.
Toki grabbed the rest of his stuff and walked out the door.
Music is freedom
Toki is starting to have some trouble at home, but his guitar playing is coming along very well.
Warnings: OC’s, minor violence
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
Several months later, things weren’t looking so bright anymore.
The sex was still great, but he couldn’t help feeling oddly used. Nadine didn’t love him, he knew that. He didn’t love her either, not really. Whatever this was, it wasn’t love.
But she seemed to only like him for the sex, and treated him like a child half the time when they weren’t in bed. He’d been trying to ignore it, after all he was only a few years older than her son, but it still got annoying.
The guitar almost made up for all that though, he was still playing. Fortunately his fingertips had grown the necessary callouses and it didn’t hurt anymore. Well, not much anyway.
He was far beyond those beginner tapes now, and was using Nadine’s extensive music collection to try to teach himself more.
He could play a lot of songs now, but he wanted to play the faster, heavier ones and they were still beyond him.
He was going to buy his own guitar though, he knew exactly which one he wanted. He’d seen it as soon as he walked into the local music store, it’s shape stood out from the rest.
That was his guitar, as soon as he could save up enough money.
There were far cheaper ones, he could get a Squire like the one he was learning on for less than half the cost, but he wanted that one.
They called it a Flying V, and it was beautiful. Someday it would be his.
Toki was also driving now, despite still never having gotten a licence.
It had started innocently enough, Nadine was tired and needed a few things from the store. She knew it wasn’t legal, but she sent Toki anyway. “It’s an automatic, you pretty much can’t do it wrong. Just try not to run into anything,”
And he hadn’t. Traffic was a bit scary, but there wasn’t much of that in their area. And driving itself was actually kind of fun.
Some of the time anyway.
There were a few trouble spots in his paradise though.
Toki had overheard a friend asking Nadine how her ‘latest toy’ was working out. They fell silent when they saw him, making him suspect that he had been the subject.
Surely she didn’t think of him that way, surely her friend had been kidding? Nadine still seemed to want him quite a lot, although she had ‘places she had to be’ all of the time too.
She never invited him to go, but he just assumed she was at bars. He wasn’t eighteen yet, so of course she couldn’t take him with her.
But she always came home to him, in the end.
He practiced harder, his fingers were getting much faster.
Sometimes they still got jumbled up and tripped all over themselves, forcing him to slow down, but those incidences were getting fewer.
He was running out of things that he couldn’t play. Some of his guitar fund went to buying tapes, he didn’t care what kind. He’d tell the person in the store to give him the one with the fastest guitars.
Of course, most of these were metal.
He was officially playing the devil music now, and loving it.
Getting older had also made it necessary to shave regularly, which Toki thought was rather a pain. He’d been lucky though, when it started really growing it came in pretty even, not all patchy like some people he’d seen.
Sometimes he didn’t shave for a couple days, and then shave it into fun patterns. He was still working in the back, so it didn’t matter. Nadine didn’t like it much though, always nagging for him to shave it all off again.
And he would, because then he could try a new pattern.
It was after watching some movie with Asian people that beat each other up that he tried one of the styles he’d seen.
His last experiment had been a full goatee, so all he had to do was shave out the middle.
Toki thought it looked pretty cool, which meant that Nadine would hate it.
And she did, but he refused to shave it off, in fact he let it grow longer.
It made him look older too, he liked that.
Nadine had turned out to be the jealous type, accusing him of looking at girls. She always wanted to know where he was.
Toki felt that was extreme, he was usually at home, at work, or at the music store.
He was very close to affording his guitar now, and was getting paranoid that someone would buy it before he could. Just another week or two...
So he was less than excited when Nadine wanted him to get a passport, so they could go other places soon.
But he got one anyway.
And then Toki bought his beloved Flying V, and a small practice amp like the one he’d been using.
Whatever gods or devils that were looking after him had saved it for him, nobody had claimed it in all these months.
The difference was amazing, it played so much better than the cheap Squire.
He hadn’t realized just how much better it would be. The frets were high, the neck straight, the sound so clean.
His playing started improving even faster now.
One day when he got to work, Lars was still there. He rarely saw the day shift worker, but knew who he was of course. “Toki, man, I need to talk to you about something.”
This was strange, and it was time for him to start his shift. But Rune nodded to them. “It’s okay, go talk to him first.”
They went in the back, Toki confused and Lars seeming nervous.
“Look Toki... normally I’d stay out of this, but I just think you need to know about Nadine.”
What about Nadine? Toki waited for more.
“You’re not the first guy she’s taken in like that, I know of a few others. And when you’re at work, she fucks other people.”
“No, you must be wrong!” But now the he was being forced to face it, there had been signs...
“I’ve been with her even, not since she’s been with you, but before. You should get out, you deserve better. Meet a nice girl your own age, you know?”
This made sense, but...
It was impossible. He had nowhere to go, except back to that motel. His guitar had just used up almost all his money, he couldn’t afford to rent a place. And he couldn’t drag his guitar and amp around with him all the time, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to leave it in a motel room.
“I can’t, I have nowhere to go. I can’t leave her.” But he found that he wished he could. This relationship, if it could even be called that, had deteriorated into something he didn’t care for at all. Even the sex, although it still felt great, had taken on an edge that he really didn’t like.
But what could he do?
Lars wasn’t done yet though. “You remember my friend Terje?”
Only vaguely, having met him once or twice, but Toki nodded.
“Well he needs a new roommate, his got transfered. He’s a pretty cool guy, and it’s only a couple blocks from here... You interested?”
It sounded too good to be true, and he’s learned to be suspicious of such things. “He wouldn’t want to have sex with me, would he?”
Lars looked shocked at that. “No! He definitely wouldn’t want to have sex with you.”
“Okay.” He knew he should say something to Nadine, but it would be easier to sneak off like a coward. She’d gotten really good at manipulating him into doing what she wanted, and he didn’t dare give her the chance to change his mind.
After his shift, he want home and tried to pretend that everything was normal, that he wasn’t planning to leave the next day as soon as she left the house.
Unfortunately, Toki wasn’t all that good at pretending.
She knew he was hiding something, and accused him of cheating on her.
He denied it of course, he wasn’t doing that. He now knew that she was, but saying so would probably be a really bad idea.
Screaming now, she wouldn’t back off. Toki just kept edging away from her, until she slapped him.
He was not going to take that. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, and the crazy bitch had hit him.
“Fuck you, I’m leaving.” Toki had never actually said that word before, but now seemed like the perfect time to start. He grabbed his backpack, glad that he’d never bought a whole lot of stuff. He shoved his things into it quickly.
Nadine narrowed her eyes, then left the room.
Knowing where she was heading, Toki dropped his bag and went after her. He still kept his guitar in her son’s room, wanting it to be a separate thing.
He caught her in the doorway.
She turned on him when he grabbed her arm, striking wildly and drawing blood. He pushed her away, blocking the doorway. “If you hurt that guitar, I swear I’ll fucking kill you. I’m taking my stuff and I’m leaving. Tonight.” He turned away, muttering, “German whore...”
Shocked at being spoken to that way, she backed down. Then she started to cry, maybe tears would be more effective?
They weren’t.
Toki grabbed the rest of his stuff and walked out the door.
Music is freedom