Comments | capslock_merlin: MERLIN AND ARTHUR, A POEM FOR THE AGES

nixwilliams in capslock_merlin

MERLIN AND ARTHUR, A POEM FOR THE AGES

Aug 30, 2009 16:18

HI KIDS, HERE IS A POEM I FOUND IN THE LETTERS SECTION OF ONE OF THE LOCAL QUEER MAGAZINES. IT IS NOT MINE, AND FOR THAT I AM SAD, BECAUSE IT IS CLEARLY A WORK OF GENIUS. IT WAS NOT ORIGINALLY IN CAPSLOCK, THOUGH, SO HERE IS THE IMPROVED AND BETTERER VERSION:

( I HOPE YOUR READERS WILL ENJOY MY SPIN ON MERLIN AND ARTHUR... )

embarassment to all

Comments 9

sajee August 30 2009, 09:36:48 UTC

I APPROVE OF THIS POEM. A LOT.

nixwilliams August 30 2009, 12:24:28 UTC

I APPROVE OF THE ROUND TABLE. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

kathkin August 30 2009, 10:07:35 UTC

LOLWUT.
JESUS CHRIST THAT IS AMAZING.

nixwilliams August 30 2009, 12:25:54 UTC

INORITE?! I WOULDN'T HESITATE TO PUT MY NAME TO IT EITHER.

kathkin August 30 2009, 12:27:11 UTC

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WASN'T ACTUALLY WRITTEN BY SOMEONE FROM HERE...

johnnypurple August 31 2009, 04:37:11 UTC

OMG THIS IS AMAZING. I LIKED THE BIT WITH THE HORSE, BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF IT HAD BEEN A UNICORN. AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID, BEASTIALITY FTW. THOUGH I WOULD CHANGE THAT TO UNICORNIALITY FTW, BUT THAT'S JUST ME.

LOL YOUR FACE I AM 19 WTF SELF I AM RUINING MY CHILDHOOD

nixwilliams August 31 2009, 04:38:37 UTC

YES THIS POME NEEDZ MOAR UNICORN HORN

ALLOW ME TO EDIT... johnnypurple August 31 2009, 12:04:50 UTC

...'A BIT TO THE LEFT!'
MERLIN CRIED FROM THE ROUND TABLE
BEFORE THE KNIGHTS HAD FINISHED
THEY GOT A UNICORN
OUT OF THE STABLE

THE 'CORN WENT DOWN
ON ALL FOURS
IT WAS CONFUSED ABOUT MERLIN'S STATUS AS A VIRGIN - DOES BUM SEX COUNT AS SEX? - THE UNICORN WAS VERY HETERONORMATIVE IN ITS VIEWS - BUT IT WAS WILLING TO "DO IT" WITH MERLIN BECAUSE OF HIS CHEEKBONES AND GENERAL PRETTINESS ETC
MERLIN CRIED OUT,
"TRY EVERYTHING ONCE! WHY THE HELL NOT?"

ARTHUR SAID TO MERLIN
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"
"I'VE HAD SEX WITH 12 KNIGHTS (AND A UNICORN)
ON THE ROUND TABLE
AND NOW ARTHUR,
I WOULD LIKE TO BE YOUR DE FACTO SAME SEX LOVER AND LIFE PARTNER, IF YOU'D CONSENT TO THAT!"

"WHAT HO," SAID ARTHUR
AND THEN THEY DID SEX - WHICH WAS CONSENSUAL AND DID NOT INVOLVE UNICORNS OR OTHER ANIMALS - THEY ALSO PRACTICED YE OLDE SAFE SEX BECAUSE OF THE DANGER OF MERLIN HAVING UNICORN HORN COOTIES NOW AND ARTHUR NOT WANTING THAT KIND OF THING.
THEY ALL DRANK LEMONADE
THE END.

nixwilliams August 31 2009, 21:07:17 UTC

WELL I HEARD IN THE UK THE GAYS CAN GET MARRIED AND SO I THINK THAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED IN THE POEM SO THAT MERLIN COULD WEAR A PRETTY WHITE DRESS AND A TIARA. BUT APART FROM THAT I THINK YOUR POEM IS A GREAT ADDITION TO MY COLLECTION OF ARTHURIAN POETRY AND ALSO YOU SHOULD SEND IT IN TO THE PAPER.

PEE ESS DOES HAVING SAFE SEX MEAN THAT NOBODY IS GOING TO BE HAVING ARSEBABIES? SAD.