1st shuriken // Voice post

[knows_science]

Okay, let me just see if I've got this straight.

I've been kidnapped to an alternate dimension to take part in some sort of compulsory superhero program in a city with no police officers. Or name, apparently. And I am being handsomely compensated for this with free rent, and this Blackberry thing.

Because the single best way of dealing with a

Comments

feel free to fourth wall

[meowminx]

...Doctor McNinja. Right.

[knows_science]

Um, yeah. Hi. Most people say something along the lines of 'hello Doctor Mcninja' or occasionally 'Doctor Mcninja, we meet at last, prepare to die', but I suppose 'right' works too.

...Unless 'right' is the preferred greeting in this dimension? Oh no, have I completely insulted everybody? Do I owe you a hearty 'right' of greeting? Oh goodness this could be so much more complicated than I thought...

[meowminx]

It was a comment on the name.

[knows_science]

Hm? Oh, oh I see. Well that's better than the greeting thing. Yeah, that's my name. We're a clan of Irish ninjas. Most people do a double-take at that, we're used to it.

[luckpuns]

Dracula? That'd be a no

...

So it's Doctor Mcninja, huh?

How unfortunate that there actually is a Dracula in the city.

[knows_science]

Oh thank goodness, that would have been the last thing I needed. Yeah, that's me! And you are?

[luckpuns]

Think there's a vampire or something around here, but you being brought to the city has nothing to do with that. It's all about the machinery.

Domino.

[knows_science]

Well that's something at least. Machinery, I can actually hurt without having to worry about the whole doctor oath thing.

Domino, huh? If everyone else has names like that, maybe 'Mcninja' won't stand out so much.

Fourth wall approved.

[enigmaestro]

Great. Question: what two professions do I dislike most? Doctors and ninjas.

And you happen to be a hybrid.

Or at least cursed with a bizarre surname.

[knows_science]

Okay, now just hold on a second. I can understand having something against ninjas, because of all the, uh, killing and so on. But doctors? What's wrong with doctors?

[enigmaestro]

Doctors, my good fellow, tend to harbor some illogical need to make attempts on my life. I'm including every one with a PhD; not necessary just the medical variety. It's actually rather irritating.

Personally, I blame jealousy.

[knows_science]

Um, okay, no. Doctors do not work that way. We don't kill people, we heal them. Also known as the opposite of killing. Maybe you're from the dimension of psycho doctors or something, I dunno. I don't roll like that.

...Okay, I may have killed a whole bunch of people myself. Due to ninja-related stuff. But I had really, really good reasons, and I'm not going to do it to you!

[Video forever] Eee McNinja eeee

[atoningforsin]

Oh believe me, most of us feel the exact same way as you do about this.

Unfortunately there isn't a way back right now. We're stuck.

I've heard bad things about the free apartments, but I find mine to be perfectly adequate.

[Video forever]

[knows_science]

Oh, it does video too, that's interesting.

I'm sure they can't be worse than some of the places I stayed in during college. It's just that they're kind of in the wrong universe for my real estate needs right now. Are you sure we can't get home? Does the 'Porter' really have no 'return to origin' switch? Because that would be really dumb and... would fit in pretty well with everything else about this situation so far, actually.

...It doesn't have a 'return to origin' switch, does it.

[atoningforsin]

Yes.

It doesn't have any way to send us back, sadly. But this place isn't all that bad.

[knows_science]

Not all that bad, huh? Go ahead and give me the selling points then, because right now I'm not exactly seeing them. Unless 'malfunctioning god-machinery' is the sort of thing you count as a perk.

[voice]

[starofsatellite]

I wish there was a direct way. I need to protect my friends back home. But... it seems most of us are stuck.

[voice]

[knows_science]

[sigh] I'm hearing a lot of that, here. But there's got to be a way. I'm not just going to accept being street patrol on the East Coast for the rest of my life although at least a city this size won't have woods...

[voice]

[starofsatellite]

I know that feeling.

If people do go home, its rare and on accident, in this foreign city.

[voice]

[knows_science]

Wait, so they do go home? But it's just, like, a lottery or something?

Again: stupid.