Series XV - Video, locked from Captain Hammer, Dr. Horrible and Penny

[ajrimmer_ssc]

Nngh, all right. I hate to ask this, and I'm positive I'm going to regret this for the rest of my unnatural existence.

Would somebody be willing to...

[He pauses, bites a fist, and tries again.]

I think I need an instructor in...self-defense.

Don't misunderstand me! I have actually taken quite a few lessons in the art of, erm. Whatever it

Comments

[sunfire_ii]

I can show you a couple quick things. Nothing too fancy, but enough to get you by depending on what kind of thing you're looking for.

[ajrimmer_ssc]

I wish to avoid getting punched in the face again. It really isn't my cup of tea.

[sunfire_ii]

Yeah, I can get that. Not many people are into that kind of thing and the ones that are are pretty much the type you want to avoid to begin with.

Shouldn't be too hard. A couple of dodging and weight-shifting moves should do you. What kind of power do you have, by the way?

[Private, encrypted]

[ajrimmer_ssc]

I'm supposedly invulnerable, meaning that I don't break any bones or bleed out all over...but still feel pain. Which is smegging useless on the face of it. I mean, really. What good is being invulnerable if it still hurts?

[amnotaweasel]

I'm not really allowed to teach people to use my family's style, but I can give you a couple of hints.

One: I like kidneys! And no, I don't mean throwing kidneys at people or eating kidneys or anything strange like that. I mean punching people in the kidneys. That usually makes them stop.

Two: Punches to the throat can stop really annoying people. If you do it hard enough, they'll choke on their next breath.

Three: Kicking people really hard in the kneecaps is good. It's not pretty, but if you're trying to fight pretty, well. You're beyond help anyway. Just make sure you do it hard enough to hear the kneecap crack. Now, you'll have just broken somebody's kneecap, so don't do this unless you have to.

Four: If all else fails, just slam your knee into the other person's groin. It even works on girls! An experienced martial artist won't stop for too long, but it might be long enough for you to punch him in the throat or get out your "pepper spray".

[ajrimmer_ssc]

...I don't think I could do any of that, really.

[amnotaweasel]

Huh? Why not? Those are things anybody can do! I mean, I can do them and I'm pretty sure I'm smaller than you!

[ajrimmer_ssc]

Nngh. Yes, thank you for that, I feel so much better now.

I mean I don't think I...could bring myself to do it. It's just so violent.

[loltraitorlol]

So, finally getting off your fat holographic aft and learning something useful?

Why?

[ajrimmer_ssc]

I am NOT fat! I'm thirteen stone, for my height that's pretty smegging trim.

[loltraitorlol]

No, you're fat.

Anyway, self defense?

[ajrimmer_ssc]

Why am I even talking to you?

It's nothing. I just thought it was about time I learned how, that's all. In case you've not noticed, this city is crawling with lowlifes and scumbags and people who turn into giant death robots who murder innocents...oh, wait.

[Private]

[heartskidnaps]

Troubles, Rimmer?

[Private]

[ajrimmer_ssc]

[GULP he knew he forgot to lock this from somebody!]

Not really, sir. Just...minor tiff between me and one of the newbies floating around here, nothing to worry about.

[Video forever] damn you lj, eating my comment D:

[atoningforsin]

I second what the girl said a few posts up.

Kneecaps, groin, kidneys, and throat are very good places to hit.

If you get stuck in a grapple, there are some other things you can do also. If you can reach, pinch the skin on the inside of the upper arm as hard as you can, and twist. It's one of the most tender places on the body. Also, stomp on the top of your attacker's foot - you may be able to break the bones, which would be a definite distraction. If possible, try shoving your fingers (or whatever part you can get there) into your attacker's eyes. This will almost always cause them to let go of you.

...If you still need help later on this week, I should be free to teach you some tricks in the evenings.

[ajrimmer_ssc]

Oh, my god, that's hideous. How am I supposed to do any of that?

[atoningforsin]

I can teach you, if you like.

Been meaning to teach self-defense in general, but with the prison so busy I haven't had time to start.

[ajrimmer_ssc]

You work at the prison?

Well. Erm. To be totally honest, I've already got a lesson lined up with that charming Mariko lady, but if she doesn't work out, I'll give you a ring.