Series XV - Video, locked from Captain Hammer, Dr. Horrible and Penny

[ajrimmer_ssc]

Nngh, all right. I hate to ask this, and I'm positive I'm going to regret this for the rest of my unnatural existence.

Would somebody be willing to...

[He pauses, bites a fist, and tries again.]

I think I need an instructor in...self-defense.

Don't misunderstand me! I have actually taken quite a few lessons in the art of, erm. Whatever it

Comments

[amnotaweasel]

I'm not really allowed to teach people to use my family's style, but I can give you a couple of hints.

One: I like kidneys! And no, I don't mean throwing kidneys at people or eating kidneys or anything strange like that. I mean punching people in the kidneys. That usually makes them stop.

Two: Punches to the throat can stop really annoying people. If you do it hard enough, they'll choke on their next breath.

Three: Kicking people really hard in the kneecaps is good. It's not pretty, but if you're trying to fight pretty, well. You're beyond help anyway. Just make sure you do it hard enough to hear the kneecap crack. Now, you'll have just broken somebody's kneecap, so don't do this unless you have to.

Four: If all else fails, just slam your knee into the other person's groin. It even works on girls! An experienced martial artist won't stop for too long, but it might be long enough for you to punch him in the throat or get out your "pepper spray".

[ajrimmer_ssc]

...I don't think I could do any of that, really.

[amnotaweasel]

Huh? Why not? Those are things anybody can do! I mean, I can do them and I'm pretty sure I'm smaller than you!

[ajrimmer_ssc]

Nngh. Yes, thank you for that, I feel so much better now.

I mean I don't think I...could bring myself to do it. It's just so violent.

[amnotaweasel]

Sometimes you have to be!

Think about it. If somebody's trying to hurt you, then aren't they being violent? Why shouldn't you finish it in a way that will make them leave you alone?

[ajrimmer_ssc]

Because they'll probably win anyway, and then I'll have just annoyed them.

Misao votes for kicking Rimmer in the head.

[amnotaweasel]

Well, if you think about it like that, no wonder!

Look, the point of those moves is that you have one person writhing on the ground going "hrrrrkarghaauow" and another person running away very fast.

Fights for your life or where you could get seriously hurt aren't about winning or losing. They're about getting out of them as quickly as you can.

Boot to the head.

[ajrimmer_ssc]

...The other person on the ground making what noise, now, exactly?

[amnotaweasel]

Pain noises!