Barney's Blog 13 [VIDEO]
[Barney's suit (and hair) is a bit dirty and rumpled, his tie lost, and he's sporting a MANLY bruise on his right eye.]
You'd think the "heroic police officer" act would be juuust about infallible, right? I mean, c'mon. [He gestures at himself] There isn't much you can do to improve on this, but the one thing-- the one thing-- that never fails to get the ladies weak in the knees-- and in what I like to call the "common sense cortex" of the brain-- is a hero. [He nods and points to YOU, THE VIEWER] Right? Am I right? You know I am, fellow bloggers.
[He stops grinning and nodding and dramatically changes gears now:]
WRONG.
[Barney's in speechy mode now:]
In the interest of science, I went and tried the hero cop schtick out at a number of bars, clubs, pubs, and bus stops in the City. I trained long and hard-- what up?--, sacrificed my body for countless 'trial and error' tests, across the City-- well, those parts that haven't been totally wrecked in the past couple of months. For the most part, my scientific endeavors were met with roaring success-- [He holds his hand up for an invisible high five, grinning again] yeah. Roaring. [Back to seriousness] The later in the night it was directly corresponded with my rate of success-- with 1 AM being the Golden Hour. From there, it sort of goes downhill, as your chances of any of the following "deal killers" are increased: vomit, passing out, crying.
But there is one terrible, horrible anomaly that I stumbled upon in my studies: a place that no man dare ever enter.
And no, I'm not talking about Shego's "Emerald City."
Anyway. Three words.
[He stares at the camera with utmost seriousness and points to his bruise]
Lesbian. Biker. Bar.
...
[Cough] I thought it was just a huge bachelorette party.
[End video]
[OOC: I am going to attempt to get some stuff done, so tags may be slow at first. BUT THIS TIME I WON'T SPONTANEOUSLY DROP THEM ALL, I PROMISE]
You'd think the "heroic police officer" act would be juuust about infallible, right? I mean, c'mon. [He gestures at himself] There isn't much you can do to improve on this, but the one thing-- the one thing-- that never fails to get the ladies weak in the knees-- and in what I like to call the "common sense cortex" of the brain-- is a hero. [He nods and points to YOU, THE VIEWER] Right? Am I right? You know I am, fellow bloggers.
[He stops grinning and nodding and dramatically changes gears now:]
WRONG.
[Barney's in speechy mode now:]
In the interest of science, I went and tried the hero cop schtick out at a number of bars, clubs, pubs, and bus stops in the City. I trained long and hard-- what up?--, sacrificed my body for countless 'trial and error' tests, across the City-- well, those parts that haven't been totally wrecked in the past couple of months. For the most part, my scientific endeavors were met with roaring success-- [He holds his hand up for an invisible high five, grinning again] yeah. Roaring. [Back to seriousness] The later in the night it was directly corresponded with my rate of success-- with 1 AM being the Golden Hour. From there, it sort of goes downhill, as your chances of any of the following "deal killers" are increased: vomit, passing out, crying.
But there is one terrible, horrible anomaly that I stumbled upon in my studies: a place that no man dare ever enter.
And no, I'm not talking about Shego's "Emerald City."
Anyway. Three words.
[He stares at the camera with utmost seriousness and points to his bruise]
Lesbian. Biker. Bar.
...
[Cough] I thought it was just a huge bachelorette party.
[End video]
[OOC: I am going to attempt to get some stuff done, so tags may be slow at first. BUT THIS TIME I WON'T SPONTANEOUSLY DROP THEM ALL, I PROMISE]