fic: i don't wanna cry alone
Title: I don't wanna cry alone
Rating: PG -13
Pairing: Akame
Warning: unbetaed
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, just the plot :)
Summary: He had always been alone, all alone, till the day his imaginary friend appeared. But what should he do when he finds out that his most trusted imaginary friend isn’t so imaginary at all?
A/N: Trying out a multi-chap this time round :) Not sure how it's going to turn out, or how long i'll be able to keep at it, but I want to try anyway :)
Prologue
Chapter 1
Help me out, search my light
Please take me back home
Into blaze, lost in maze
Someone call my name
I don’t wanna cry alone
Everything was pitch black, cold as ice. Silence as silent as the stillest night deafened him while emptiness completely shrouded him, cocooning him wholly like a thick blanket too warm, too stuffy and too tight to let loose. He shuffled aimlessly through the darkness, searching and searching hopelessly for something he knew he could never find.
It wasn't his first time there, far from the first in fact. Yet there was nothing in that familiarity to soothe his every fear. Instead, the more frequently he ended up there, the more afraid he became, of never escaping, of never waking up, of never seeing daylight again.
He shuddered slightly, chills still running down his spine despite the hot sun shining upon him and the lack of any breeze stirring the nearby trees. Even though hours had passed since dawn broke, those recurring dreams of his still haunted him, even then under the broad daylight of the midday sun. “Is it never going to end?” he softly whispered to the low winds, willing them to carry his pain away with those words hanging there awkwardly by the hooks of the non-existent breeze floating through the air surrounding his tiny body.
“Boo!” a loud cry and shove startled him painfully, shaking him out of his brooding reveries.
“Koki! What the heck?! You startled me! I almost died from a heart attack!” Kame exclaimed, shooting daggers at the man laughing hysterically at his back. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he had lost himself from his surroundings and thus had not noticed his still cackling friend creeping up behind him.
“Gomen gomen, I couldn’t help it. You just looked so tempting sitting there all alone and quiet and completely oblivious of your surroundings. It’s your fault for making yourself the perfect victim to my miserable boredom,” Koki wheezed teasingly, casually slinging an arm around his friend and settling himself comfortably on the patch of grass beside Kame, blatantly ignoring the glaring looks thrown his way. “So, what were you thinking so intensely about? Want to share it with me?’ he casually threw out, already expecting to not receive an honest answer. He had asked the question so many times that it had easily became a force of habit, although he vehemently wished to get a real answer from the other one day.
Kame lifted his gaze to stare at the emptiness in front of him, bunching his knees to his chest and circling his arms around them. “It’s nothing,” he whispered guiltily, knowing that Koki knew it was a lie. It wasn’t that his friend was not to be trusted; he just didn’t know how to trust a person. Koki had always been there for him, had been through many things with him, but he was afraid that this would have been too much for Koki to handle. It would be too much for Koki to take, especially when it had got nothing to do with him at all. Once again the same question lingered: Is this never going to end?
-~-~-~
The night sky found a lone figure huddled under the blankets of his bed, desperately considering to sleep, or not to sleep. Awake, endless thoughts and fears tormented him, yet sleep would only bring him to the loneliest and emptiest part of his soul. Kame didn’t know which was worse, to be so horribly tortured by his endless hurtful memories or to freeze in the icy cold of his darkest dreams. It felt like he was slowly killing himself, surely and painfully losing the last remaining holds of his wits. Nights and days were beginning to blur into each other, rudely and seamlessly blending him into the backgrounds of his own sanity, until he had begun to stop differentiating night from day, and day from night. The long waking hours and non-peaceful slumbers had begun taking a toll on his body and he was falling deeper and deeper into the wells of lethargy every single day. He was beginning to lose his concentration, lose his focus, and he was getting extremely tired of living, but he was much too afraid of losing himself completely too, not when he had worked so hard to live this long. And as the morning sun started to crawl across the vast darkness of the heavens above and his body finally surrendered to the lulls of sleep, a fleeting decision flew across Kame’s mind: It’s time to find a new mind.
-~-~-~
“Yamapi! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Why are you sitting here so far away from our usual spot in the canteen? Wait, is this what I think it is? You were actually studying? Woah I didn’t think you actually studied! Well I guess that sort of explains how you always get higher scores than me in all our tests. Oww what was that for?…” drifted the loud sudden incessant outburst and the sounds of a head being smacked somewhere behind Kame’s usual study bench, where he was laboriously doing research for his essay while more or less patiently waiting for the slightly late Koki, who had managed to coerce Kame into helping him with his part -time job distributing flyers at the nearby train station. At first thought slight irritation had risen up in Kame towards the voice still obliviously making a loud scene and disturbing the peace of his favourite study spot. Throwing a glance behind, he spotted the unwelcome intruder, still rubbing the side of his head where he had presumably been hit by his friend Yamapi, a childish pout decorating his pretty face.
“Baka Jin, can’t you ever speak quietly? You’ve probably made everyone here jump 10 feet into the air with your irritatingly loud chatter. And it was so peaceful and quiet and baka-free just a while ago too…” came the teasing voice of friend Yamapi as he tried to futilely shush his companion up, giving a silent apologizing gesture to Kame, the only other person sitting on the benches within his vicinity. Kame turned his gaze back to the books in front of him, wishing he had remembered to stuff his iPod into his bag that morning as the now slightly lowered but still crystal clear volume of the intruder and his friend continued to ramble on behind him. Kame took a reading of the numbers on his watch for the first time since the appointed meeting time with Koki passed, silently wishing for Koki to appear in the next few minutes so that he could quickly escape from the voices once again rising in volume behind him, shattering completely the peace of his previously cherished sanctuary.
Kame tried to concentrate on his readings, willing the non-stop voices from the other bench to fade into the background, not succeeding at first as the words he was reading kept getting jumbled up with the words of Baka Jin behind him. After a few minutes of intense concentration and several re-reads, loud Baka Jin’s voice finally seamed into just an accompanying noise much like the chirps of the birds and the whistles of the silent breeze floating around his favourite study bench, out in one of the parks within the university’s boundaries. Unconsciously, Kame kept on listening to the sounds of the high-spirited voice behind him, slightly envying and enjoying the joy and happiness, love and care blatantly jumping out of the musical notes sung out by Baka Jin as he conversed with his friend Yamapi, rambling on and on about some girl he had met while on the hunt for said friend Yamapi.
A second “Boo!” in just two days once again startled Kame out of his concentration, followed by a “Gomen gomen! I know I’m really late, sorry!!” being thrown out apologetically by a sorry-looking Koki who had his bowed down and hands clasped in begging above his body. For a moment Kame felt disoriented, like he had been rudely awakened from the most peaceful state of mind that he had ever had in days, months, or perhaps years even. Oddly he felt refreshed too, like he had woken up from a very badly needed and soundless sleep, a much welcomed break from the usual self-torturing thoughts and feelings haunting him every other minute of the day. Slowly he realized that the voices behind him were softly fading away too as the previous occupants of the other study bench walked away towards the direction of the university buildings, leaving him with a lingering weird feeling that he did not know how to describe. Deciding to ignore his feelings, Kame gave a look towards his friend, feeling like his friend ought to be scolded for something but confused about what exactly he should be scolding Koki for.
“Ne Kame-chan, are you done with your work? If you are can we go now? I’m already late for work!” Koki begged his friend, throwing a panicky glance at his watch.
“That’s your fault for being half an hour late,” Kame threw back at him. “Help me pack my bag and we can go,” he continued, stuffing his things into his bag and his weird indescribable feelings to the back of his mind.
-~-~-~
Night once again returned to mark the end of Kame’s day, yet tonight something in the air felt different to him. Even as all his normal companions were back to prevent him from sleeping, Kame remembered the small thought that had crossed his mind at the vestiges of his previous sleep. A new mind, an imaginary friend. Someone whom he could talk to, about anything and everything and who would never betray or leave him or act in a way he did not want his friend to, because they were one and the same and he could have complete control over the words and actions of the other. He didn’t care that he was probably too old to have an imaginary friend, if having one would help him fall asleep at night, a companion whom he could confess his fears to before succumbing to the lonely darkness, and who could maybe even be able to follow him into that fearful place and be the one shining light in his dark. After all, if dreams and imagination were just parts of his conscious and unconscious mind, there could be the possibility of one crossing into the other realm right?
As Kame lay on his bed pondering how his imaginary friend should be like, an image from the backs of his mind swam to the forefront. Try as he might, Kame could not remember where he had seen that face before, or how his mind had conjured it, but it was nice and friendly and smiling and just the perfect face for his soon to be best friend. Satisfied with himself, and feeling lighter for the first time in weeks, Kame tried to brave his fears and drift himself into sleep, calling upon his new friend Jin to help him.
Chapter 2
Rating: PG -13
Pairing: Akame
Warning: unbetaed
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, just the plot :)
Summary: He had always been alone, all alone, till the day his imaginary friend appeared. But what should he do when he finds out that his most trusted imaginary friend isn’t so imaginary at all?
A/N: Trying out a multi-chap this time round :) Not sure how it's going to turn out, or how long i'll be able to keep at it, but I want to try anyway :)
Prologue
Chapter 1
Help me out, search my light
Please take me back home
Into blaze, lost in maze
Someone call my name
I don’t wanna cry alone
Everything was pitch black, cold as ice. Silence as silent as the stillest night deafened him while emptiness completely shrouded him, cocooning him wholly like a thick blanket too warm, too stuffy and too tight to let loose. He shuffled aimlessly through the darkness, searching and searching hopelessly for something he knew he could never find.
It wasn't his first time there, far from the first in fact. Yet there was nothing in that familiarity to soothe his every fear. Instead, the more frequently he ended up there, the more afraid he became, of never escaping, of never waking up, of never seeing daylight again.
He shuddered slightly, chills still running down his spine despite the hot sun shining upon him and the lack of any breeze stirring the nearby trees. Even though hours had passed since dawn broke, those recurring dreams of his still haunted him, even then under the broad daylight of the midday sun. “Is it never going to end?” he softly whispered to the low winds, willing them to carry his pain away with those words hanging there awkwardly by the hooks of the non-existent breeze floating through the air surrounding his tiny body.
“Boo!” a loud cry and shove startled him painfully, shaking him out of his brooding reveries.
“Koki! What the heck?! You startled me! I almost died from a heart attack!” Kame exclaimed, shooting daggers at the man laughing hysterically at his back. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he had lost himself from his surroundings and thus had not noticed his still cackling friend creeping up behind him.
“Gomen gomen, I couldn’t help it. You just looked so tempting sitting there all alone and quiet and completely oblivious of your surroundings. It’s your fault for making yourself the perfect victim to my miserable boredom,” Koki wheezed teasingly, casually slinging an arm around his friend and settling himself comfortably on the patch of grass beside Kame, blatantly ignoring the glaring looks thrown his way. “So, what were you thinking so intensely about? Want to share it with me?’ he casually threw out, already expecting to not receive an honest answer. He had asked the question so many times that it had easily became a force of habit, although he vehemently wished to get a real answer from the other one day.
Kame lifted his gaze to stare at the emptiness in front of him, bunching his knees to his chest and circling his arms around them. “It’s nothing,” he whispered guiltily, knowing that Koki knew it was a lie. It wasn’t that his friend was not to be trusted; he just didn’t know how to trust a person. Koki had always been there for him, had been through many things with him, but he was afraid that this would have been too much for Koki to handle. It would be too much for Koki to take, especially when it had got nothing to do with him at all. Once again the same question lingered: Is this never going to end?
-~-~-~
The night sky found a lone figure huddled under the blankets of his bed, desperately considering to sleep, or not to sleep. Awake, endless thoughts and fears tormented him, yet sleep would only bring him to the loneliest and emptiest part of his soul. Kame didn’t know which was worse, to be so horribly tortured by his endless hurtful memories or to freeze in the icy cold of his darkest dreams. It felt like he was slowly killing himself, surely and painfully losing the last remaining holds of his wits. Nights and days were beginning to blur into each other, rudely and seamlessly blending him into the backgrounds of his own sanity, until he had begun to stop differentiating night from day, and day from night. The long waking hours and non-peaceful slumbers had begun taking a toll on his body and he was falling deeper and deeper into the wells of lethargy every single day. He was beginning to lose his concentration, lose his focus, and he was getting extremely tired of living, but he was much too afraid of losing himself completely too, not when he had worked so hard to live this long. And as the morning sun started to crawl across the vast darkness of the heavens above and his body finally surrendered to the lulls of sleep, a fleeting decision flew across Kame’s mind: It’s time to find a new mind.
-~-~-~
“Yamapi! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Why are you sitting here so far away from our usual spot in the canteen? Wait, is this what I think it is? You were actually studying? Woah I didn’t think you actually studied! Well I guess that sort of explains how you always get higher scores than me in all our tests. Oww what was that for?…” drifted the loud sudden incessant outburst and the sounds of a head being smacked somewhere behind Kame’s usual study bench, where he was laboriously doing research for his essay while more or less patiently waiting for the slightly late Koki, who had managed to coerce Kame into helping him with his part -time job distributing flyers at the nearby train station. At first thought slight irritation had risen up in Kame towards the voice still obliviously making a loud scene and disturbing the peace of his favourite study spot. Throwing a glance behind, he spotted the unwelcome intruder, still rubbing the side of his head where he had presumably been hit by his friend Yamapi, a childish pout decorating his pretty face.
“Baka Jin, can’t you ever speak quietly? You’ve probably made everyone here jump 10 feet into the air with your irritatingly loud chatter. And it was so peaceful and quiet and baka-free just a while ago too…” came the teasing voice of friend Yamapi as he tried to futilely shush his companion up, giving a silent apologizing gesture to Kame, the only other person sitting on the benches within his vicinity. Kame turned his gaze back to the books in front of him, wishing he had remembered to stuff his iPod into his bag that morning as the now slightly lowered but still crystal clear volume of the intruder and his friend continued to ramble on behind him. Kame took a reading of the numbers on his watch for the first time since the appointed meeting time with Koki passed, silently wishing for Koki to appear in the next few minutes so that he could quickly escape from the voices once again rising in volume behind him, shattering completely the peace of his previously cherished sanctuary.
Kame tried to concentrate on his readings, willing the non-stop voices from the other bench to fade into the background, not succeeding at first as the words he was reading kept getting jumbled up with the words of Baka Jin behind him. After a few minutes of intense concentration and several re-reads, loud Baka Jin’s voice finally seamed into just an accompanying noise much like the chirps of the birds and the whistles of the silent breeze floating around his favourite study bench, out in one of the parks within the university’s boundaries. Unconsciously, Kame kept on listening to the sounds of the high-spirited voice behind him, slightly envying and enjoying the joy and happiness, love and care blatantly jumping out of the musical notes sung out by Baka Jin as he conversed with his friend Yamapi, rambling on and on about some girl he had met while on the hunt for said friend Yamapi.
A second “Boo!” in just two days once again startled Kame out of his concentration, followed by a “Gomen gomen! I know I’m really late, sorry!!” being thrown out apologetically by a sorry-looking Koki who had his bowed down and hands clasped in begging above his body. For a moment Kame felt disoriented, like he had been rudely awakened from the most peaceful state of mind that he had ever had in days, months, or perhaps years even. Oddly he felt refreshed too, like he had woken up from a very badly needed and soundless sleep, a much welcomed break from the usual self-torturing thoughts and feelings haunting him every other minute of the day. Slowly he realized that the voices behind him were softly fading away too as the previous occupants of the other study bench walked away towards the direction of the university buildings, leaving him with a lingering weird feeling that he did not know how to describe. Deciding to ignore his feelings, Kame gave a look towards his friend, feeling like his friend ought to be scolded for something but confused about what exactly he should be scolding Koki for.
“Ne Kame-chan, are you done with your work? If you are can we go now? I’m already late for work!” Koki begged his friend, throwing a panicky glance at his watch.
“That’s your fault for being half an hour late,” Kame threw back at him. “Help me pack my bag and we can go,” he continued, stuffing his things into his bag and his weird indescribable feelings to the back of his mind.
-~-~-~
Night once again returned to mark the end of Kame’s day, yet tonight something in the air felt different to him. Even as all his normal companions were back to prevent him from sleeping, Kame remembered the small thought that had crossed his mind at the vestiges of his previous sleep. A new mind, an imaginary friend. Someone whom he could talk to, about anything and everything and who would never betray or leave him or act in a way he did not want his friend to, because they were one and the same and he could have complete control over the words and actions of the other. He didn’t care that he was probably too old to have an imaginary friend, if having one would help him fall asleep at night, a companion whom he could confess his fears to before succumbing to the lonely darkness, and who could maybe even be able to follow him into that fearful place and be the one shining light in his dark. After all, if dreams and imagination were just parts of his conscious and unconscious mind, there could be the possibility of one crossing into the other realm right?
As Kame lay on his bed pondering how his imaginary friend should be like, an image from the backs of his mind swam to the forefront. Try as he might, Kame could not remember where he had seen that face before, or how his mind had conjured it, but it was nice and friendly and smiling and just the perfect face for his soon to be best friend. Satisfied with himself, and feeling lighter for the first time in weeks, Kame tried to brave his fears and drift himself into sleep, calling upon his new friend Jin to help him.
Chapter 2