fic: i don't wanna cry alone
Title: I don't wanna cry alone
Rating: PG -13
Pairing: Akame
Warning: unbetaed
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, just the plot :)
Summary: He had always been alone, all alone, till the day his imaginary friend appeared. But what should he do when he finds out that his most trusted imaginary friend isn’t so imaginary at all?
A/N: Finally chapter 2. Haha. I suck at continuing.
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
“You’re smiling a lot more these days. Something good happened?” Koki interrupted their weekly lunch conversation, curiosity and a happy teasing note colouring his voice. A slight shade of pink crept up Kame’s cheeks, betraying him as the said boy tried to futilely keep his friend from suspecting anything.
“No, nothing’s happened,” Kame acted, adding a small shake of his head to emphasise his answer. “I guess I’m just a bit less stressed now that exams are over?” he tried, hoping his much too introspective friend would believe him. Kame didn't want anyone to know about Jin yet; in fact he never wanted anyone to know about Jin. Jin was a secret, his and only his eternal secret. Jin was much too important to be shared with anyone else, even his closest friends.
It had been five weeks since Jin had first appeared in Kame’s life. Every night he would take some time to talk to the guy, pouring out all his fears, venting out his frustrations and just sharing his thoughts and feelings about the days that had passed by. Jin had even sometimes started to accompany Kame during his breaks in between his lessons, and on his way to and from school. Jin’s constant presence, talking to him and cheering him up all the time made Kame so happy that Kame had begun to forget what it felt like to be lonely. He was also getting more sleep at night and shorter tormenting dreams, and was beginning to look healthier and less like a zombie as a result. It almost felt like life was beginning to get a semblance of normalcy to Kame even though he had no idea what a normal life could possibly feel like. He had never felt happier, and unknown to him his cheerful mood was mirrored on his physical features. It was no wonder Koki was looking at him like he had taken an ecstasy pill or drank much too much.
In actual fact though, Koki’s sudden question had startled Kame. Kame hadn’t known that it was visible to the others that there was something different about him. He had been so enthralled with his new outlet for relief that he hadn’t once considered the thought of anyone else finding out about Jin. Furthermore he had not been in much contact with the others recently because of the busy exam period and their different exam schedules. Kame did not want other people to know about Jin, mostly because he was afraid Jin would cease to exist if anyone found out. A tiny feeling of guilt also started to grow at the thought that Jin was an embarrassing secret. After all, grown-ups aren’t supposed to have imaginary friends, right? Kame was afraid of losing Jin, but now he was also beginning to be afraid of losing his other friends because of Jin, and of being laughed at by them, even though he knew that his friends were not the kind to laugh at others and especially not him. Kame’s smile shrank a little, shoulders drooping lower as his body hunched in, his actions too small to be noticed by Koki.
“Stress? Over exams? Are you trying to chide me here Kame? With the amount of studying you do, you’re the last one out of all of us to be worried about not doing well in your exams,” Koki scoffed He was convinced there was something going on in Kame’s life, but Koki decided not to continue pressing Kame on the matter. He was surprised actually, and extremely pleased to see the happy smiles and lit face of his friend. He had never seen them before on the guy, and he was not about to do something to make Kame lose even a tiny fraction of them, unaware that he had in fact already done something to his friend. “Still, I’m glad you’re looking happier. At least it seems like I don’t have a ghost for a friend anymore. You’ve put on weight too, haven’t you?” Koki teased, succumbing to the sweet temptation. It was not often that he got to tease the boy, and teasing others was just to deep in his nature to be ignored. “Anyway Maru wants us to go over to his house this weekend, his family’s just sent him some food from his hometown and told him to share them with his friends. Tat-chan will be coming too. Will you be able to join us?”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure. I’ll be there,” Kame barely registered the question, just randomly replying with the first thing that came to mind. Kame was not offended by Koki’s teasing’s; he knew that Koki, Maru and Tat-chan were the only ones who he could really consider as his friends, who had kept coming back to worry about him even though he never gave them a reason for their worries and instead still sometimes tried to push them away. It was high time he stopped making them worried about him he conjectured. Perhaps it was okay to show them his happy smiles. Squaring his shoulders once again, Kame gave Koki a bright smile, completely throwing the other aback and receiving a slight weirded out grin from his dear flabbergasted friend, to which he could not keep a small chuckle from escaping his lips.
“O okayy, I’ll tell Maru we’re all coming then,” Koki managed to stutter out, his mind still not fully processing that most beautiful smile he had ever seen on his usually solemn friend. Koki found himself silently thanking God for whatever good thing that had happened to Kame. He couldn’t wait to tell his two fellow Kame guardians about the change in their baby boy. He was definite they would be just as surprised as he was, if not more. He was extremely glad it was a good news update this time.
-~-~-~
“Ne Jin, do you think I should tell them about you? It’s not that I want to, but I think they’d want to know right? I mean, they’ve probably noticed already that there’s something different about me, that there’s something going on…” Kame raised the question to Jin in the silent comfort of his room. He had been pondering over it ever since his meeting with Koki earlier that day, when Koki had relayed to him Maru’s invitation.
“I’m fine with it, if you are,” Jin replied. “What do you think about it?”
“I don’t know… I don’t really want to, but I’m not sure if I’ll know what to answer if they ask me if anything’s happened to me to make me change. And I don’t want to lie to them, they’ve helped me a lot and I think they deserve better than that. But…” Kame haltered.
“But what?”
Kame let out a soft sigh. “But what if they don’t want to be friends with me anymore after they’ve found out? Or what if they ask me to stop? I mean, they’ll probably think I’m a freak right, having imaginary friends at my age. They’ll probably think I’m going crazy and ask me to snap out of this. But I don't want to lose you. You’re the only thing keeping me sane right now,” Kame replied, revealing all his inner insecurities. Kame knew that his friends loved him, that he could trust them, but his deep-rooted fears still made him unable of trusting anyone but himself, and thus by association, Jin. That was why Jin was the only one whom he could talk to without any fear of hurting himself. Yet he did not want to lose his friends. They were the only ones who talked to him at school, who had tried to get him to break out of his shell. And it had taken them a long time and all sorts of methods to do so. They had even been there for him everytime he had his panic attacks, even though he had never once given them any reasons for the attacks. They had trusted him and protected him, and even though he still could not bring himself to trust them fully, he valued them, their friendship and all their help. And that was one of the reasons why he did not want to tell them about Jin. He was honestly scared that they would not be able to accept it and think that he’s losing his head and leave him, or worse, pity him for his pathetic desperations.
At the same time, he didn’t think he could take it if they told him to get rid of Jin. Even though it had only been a few weeks, Jin was already too big a part of him for him to let go. Jin was him and he was Jin after all. Jin was the only person whom he could trust all his thoughts and feelings to. His insecurities and fears. And everything else. Jin was the only person who would never leave him no matter what, unless he so wished it. Furthermore, Jin was his most precious secret, and he was scared that if he were to let anyone find out about Jin, in some way or another, he would be influenced to have a different mindset about Jin, and maybe even end up changing or losing his imaginary friend. And that was something Kame did not want, to end up being scared of his own thoughts and feelings, and to not be in control of them.
He let out another sigh. “I’m really confused. I don’t want to lose you or them. I don’t know what to do anymore…” he fretted, his thoughtwave dying away as he found himself losing the strength to think. Slowly he felt himself succumbing to sleep, as he felt any remaining energy in him seeping out of his body.
“You won’t lose me, you know. You could never lose me. Even when you forget about me, I’ll still be here.” Those were the last words he heard in his head, as his body finally stilled and sleep overcame him.
-~-~-~
“Ne, have you guys ever had any imaginary friends?” The words jumped out of his mouth startlingly. Kame had been silent for the past 30 minutes, ever since the guys started talking about random things after they had eaten themselves full with Maru’s mother’s souvenirs. He had still been fervently pondering if he should tell his friends about Jin, when he suddenly heard himself asking the question aloud, to his utter surprise.
The table grew quiet as everyone looked at him. Ueda, Junno, Maru and Koki had not been expecting to hear anything from Kame as he had seemed to be deep in thought and away from their current conversation, and had not wanted to interrupt his reverie.
“I’ve never had one, but with the number of siblings I have I’d be surprised if I actually had any time to bother with an imaginary friend. Those 4 younger brothers of mine are enough for me to bother with,” Koki answered, being the first to get over his surprise. “Not that there’s anything wrong with children having imaginary friends though. Isn’t it quite a normal thing?” he quipped.
“Hmm I think so. I never had one either, but my sister did when she was younger, in addition to all her dolls. Her friend disappeared the same time she decided she was too old to play with dolls anymore though, which wasn’t long after she started,” Maru supplied, chuckling. Ueda and Junno answered in the negative too, although both agreed that it was probably not surprising if children were to have imaginary friends.
“Why are you asking anyway?” Ueda asked Kame gently. “Did you used to have one? What’s he or she like? Must be nice having a secret friend, right?” he continued, wanting to find out a bit more about Kame and his childhood. The boy had never told them anything about his past, despite them knowing each other for 3 years already.
“Un it’s nice. He’s nice…” came the soft haltering reply. Kame took a deep breath, before continuing, “But I didn’t know him when I was a child. We’ve only been friends for about a month.” He closed his eyes, afraid to face the others.
“Eh?”
(Chapter 3)
Rating: PG -13
Pairing: Akame
Warning: unbetaed
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, just the plot :)
Summary: He had always been alone, all alone, till the day his imaginary friend appeared. But what should he do when he finds out that his most trusted imaginary friend isn’t so imaginary at all?
A/N: Finally chapter 2. Haha. I suck at continuing.
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
“You’re smiling a lot more these days. Something good happened?” Koki interrupted their weekly lunch conversation, curiosity and a happy teasing note colouring his voice. A slight shade of pink crept up Kame’s cheeks, betraying him as the said boy tried to futilely keep his friend from suspecting anything.
“No, nothing’s happened,” Kame acted, adding a small shake of his head to emphasise his answer. “I guess I’m just a bit less stressed now that exams are over?” he tried, hoping his much too introspective friend would believe him. Kame didn't want anyone to know about Jin yet; in fact he never wanted anyone to know about Jin. Jin was a secret, his and only his eternal secret. Jin was much too important to be shared with anyone else, even his closest friends.
It had been five weeks since Jin had first appeared in Kame’s life. Every night he would take some time to talk to the guy, pouring out all his fears, venting out his frustrations and just sharing his thoughts and feelings about the days that had passed by. Jin had even sometimes started to accompany Kame during his breaks in between his lessons, and on his way to and from school. Jin’s constant presence, talking to him and cheering him up all the time made Kame so happy that Kame had begun to forget what it felt like to be lonely. He was also getting more sleep at night and shorter tormenting dreams, and was beginning to look healthier and less like a zombie as a result. It almost felt like life was beginning to get a semblance of normalcy to Kame even though he had no idea what a normal life could possibly feel like. He had never felt happier, and unknown to him his cheerful mood was mirrored on his physical features. It was no wonder Koki was looking at him like he had taken an ecstasy pill or drank much too much.
In actual fact though, Koki’s sudden question had startled Kame. Kame hadn’t known that it was visible to the others that there was something different about him. He had been so enthralled with his new outlet for relief that he hadn’t once considered the thought of anyone else finding out about Jin. Furthermore he had not been in much contact with the others recently because of the busy exam period and their different exam schedules. Kame did not want other people to know about Jin, mostly because he was afraid Jin would cease to exist if anyone found out. A tiny feeling of guilt also started to grow at the thought that Jin was an embarrassing secret. After all, grown-ups aren’t supposed to have imaginary friends, right? Kame was afraid of losing Jin, but now he was also beginning to be afraid of losing his other friends because of Jin, and of being laughed at by them, even though he knew that his friends were not the kind to laugh at others and especially not him. Kame’s smile shrank a little, shoulders drooping lower as his body hunched in, his actions too small to be noticed by Koki.
“Stress? Over exams? Are you trying to chide me here Kame? With the amount of studying you do, you’re the last one out of all of us to be worried about not doing well in your exams,” Koki scoffed He was convinced there was something going on in Kame’s life, but Koki decided not to continue pressing Kame on the matter. He was surprised actually, and extremely pleased to see the happy smiles and lit face of his friend. He had never seen them before on the guy, and he was not about to do something to make Kame lose even a tiny fraction of them, unaware that he had in fact already done something to his friend. “Still, I’m glad you’re looking happier. At least it seems like I don’t have a ghost for a friend anymore. You’ve put on weight too, haven’t you?” Koki teased, succumbing to the sweet temptation. It was not often that he got to tease the boy, and teasing others was just to deep in his nature to be ignored. “Anyway Maru wants us to go over to his house this weekend, his family’s just sent him some food from his hometown and told him to share them with his friends. Tat-chan will be coming too. Will you be able to join us?”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure. I’ll be there,” Kame barely registered the question, just randomly replying with the first thing that came to mind. Kame was not offended by Koki’s teasing’s; he knew that Koki, Maru and Tat-chan were the only ones who he could really consider as his friends, who had kept coming back to worry about him even though he never gave them a reason for their worries and instead still sometimes tried to push them away. It was high time he stopped making them worried about him he conjectured. Perhaps it was okay to show them his happy smiles. Squaring his shoulders once again, Kame gave Koki a bright smile, completely throwing the other aback and receiving a slight weirded out grin from his dear flabbergasted friend, to which he could not keep a small chuckle from escaping his lips.
“O okayy, I’ll tell Maru we’re all coming then,” Koki managed to stutter out, his mind still not fully processing that most beautiful smile he had ever seen on his usually solemn friend. Koki found himself silently thanking God for whatever good thing that had happened to Kame. He couldn’t wait to tell his two fellow Kame guardians about the change in their baby boy. He was definite they would be just as surprised as he was, if not more. He was extremely glad it was a good news update this time.
-~-~-~
“Ne Jin, do you think I should tell them about you? It’s not that I want to, but I think they’d want to know right? I mean, they’ve probably noticed already that there’s something different about me, that there’s something going on…” Kame raised the question to Jin in the silent comfort of his room. He had been pondering over it ever since his meeting with Koki earlier that day, when Koki had relayed to him Maru’s invitation.
“I’m fine with it, if you are,” Jin replied. “What do you think about it?”
“I don’t know… I don’t really want to, but I’m not sure if I’ll know what to answer if they ask me if anything’s happened to me to make me change. And I don’t want to lie to them, they’ve helped me a lot and I think they deserve better than that. But…” Kame haltered.
“But what?”
Kame let out a soft sigh. “But what if they don’t want to be friends with me anymore after they’ve found out? Or what if they ask me to stop? I mean, they’ll probably think I’m a freak right, having imaginary friends at my age. They’ll probably think I’m going crazy and ask me to snap out of this. But I don't want to lose you. You’re the only thing keeping me sane right now,” Kame replied, revealing all his inner insecurities. Kame knew that his friends loved him, that he could trust them, but his deep-rooted fears still made him unable of trusting anyone but himself, and thus by association, Jin. That was why Jin was the only one whom he could talk to without any fear of hurting himself. Yet he did not want to lose his friends. They were the only ones who talked to him at school, who had tried to get him to break out of his shell. And it had taken them a long time and all sorts of methods to do so. They had even been there for him everytime he had his panic attacks, even though he had never once given them any reasons for the attacks. They had trusted him and protected him, and even though he still could not bring himself to trust them fully, he valued them, their friendship and all their help. And that was one of the reasons why he did not want to tell them about Jin. He was honestly scared that they would not be able to accept it and think that he’s losing his head and leave him, or worse, pity him for his pathetic desperations.
At the same time, he didn’t think he could take it if they told him to get rid of Jin. Even though it had only been a few weeks, Jin was already too big a part of him for him to let go. Jin was him and he was Jin after all. Jin was the only person whom he could trust all his thoughts and feelings to. His insecurities and fears. And everything else. Jin was the only person who would never leave him no matter what, unless he so wished it. Furthermore, Jin was his most precious secret, and he was scared that if he were to let anyone find out about Jin, in some way or another, he would be influenced to have a different mindset about Jin, and maybe even end up changing or losing his imaginary friend. And that was something Kame did not want, to end up being scared of his own thoughts and feelings, and to not be in control of them.
He let out another sigh. “I’m really confused. I don’t want to lose you or them. I don’t know what to do anymore…” he fretted, his thoughtwave dying away as he found himself losing the strength to think. Slowly he felt himself succumbing to sleep, as he felt any remaining energy in him seeping out of his body.
“You won’t lose me, you know. You could never lose me. Even when you forget about me, I’ll still be here.” Those were the last words he heard in his head, as his body finally stilled and sleep overcame him.
-~-~-~
“Ne, have you guys ever had any imaginary friends?” The words jumped out of his mouth startlingly. Kame had been silent for the past 30 minutes, ever since the guys started talking about random things after they had eaten themselves full with Maru’s mother’s souvenirs. He had still been fervently pondering if he should tell his friends about Jin, when he suddenly heard himself asking the question aloud, to his utter surprise.
The table grew quiet as everyone looked at him. Ueda, Junno, Maru and Koki had not been expecting to hear anything from Kame as he had seemed to be deep in thought and away from their current conversation, and had not wanted to interrupt his reverie.
“I’ve never had one, but with the number of siblings I have I’d be surprised if I actually had any time to bother with an imaginary friend. Those 4 younger brothers of mine are enough for me to bother with,” Koki answered, being the first to get over his surprise. “Not that there’s anything wrong with children having imaginary friends though. Isn’t it quite a normal thing?” he quipped.
“Hmm I think so. I never had one either, but my sister did when she was younger, in addition to all her dolls. Her friend disappeared the same time she decided she was too old to play with dolls anymore though, which wasn’t long after she started,” Maru supplied, chuckling. Ueda and Junno answered in the negative too, although both agreed that it was probably not surprising if children were to have imaginary friends.
“Why are you asking anyway?” Ueda asked Kame gently. “Did you used to have one? What’s he or she like? Must be nice having a secret friend, right?” he continued, wanting to find out a bit more about Kame and his childhood. The boy had never told them anything about his past, despite them knowing each other for 3 years already.
“Un it’s nice. He’s nice…” came the soft haltering reply. Kame took a deep breath, before continuing, “But I didn’t know him when I was a child. We’ve only been friends for about a month.” He closed his eyes, afraid to face the others.
“Eh?”
(Chapter 3)