I don't understand how I'm supposed to trust men ever again.

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I'm hiding from everything. When did I become such a coward?

On the hard mornings, the cold ones, I leap from the bed, pop an adderall, warm some tea, hop back into bed and turn on the laptop. At least I know in a couple of minutes, it'll start getting easier.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Everyone is supposed to have been endowed some gift... I'm pretty sure I didn't get one. No amount of intelligence, work ethic, beauty, wit, social skills, grace, or mental equilibrium to balance out all the bad shit that makes me up ( Read more... )

The audition last Monday... The dance portion was really fun and I ended up doing better than I thought I would. I really had it together. Unfortunately, I bombed the singing portion. And upon leaving the audition, realized that my car had been towed. It was a bad night ( Read more... )

Sigh. And now I am fatter. 180 lbs. Where I started. My pants don't fit, my face looks terrible, I don't even like wearing t-shirts because of how fat my arms are. My god, this diary has become a perfect documentation for yo-yo dieting. Man, I really did not want to be like my mother about this. But I want to be unlike my mother about this ( Read more... )

I buy and wear a certain type of perfume because the friend who was my first lesbian encounter always wore it. I immediately get turned on by the scent...it makes me flush. Amazing that a scent can stay with you for so long. It's been ten years...since middle school.

I'm getting back on track. Right now I'm 160. next s.t. goal is 140.

I just needed a little inspiration.

Have graduated college, have stopped talking to Jac. Sorry, bitch!

Really need a job.

kthnx

I think he came at the end of the winter. Frustrated by the rejection of Bo, and Andy...and Shane...and Matt... and Sam (one can move quickly through likable men who think one is too fat and accessible to choose over other college girls.) I was only interested in the company. The boys would get rowdy...stay up all night, play video games and ( Read more... )