Not Myself Today, Part 4/5
Masterpost
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3
Even though he only gets a few hours of sleep, Steve wakes up refreshed and heads down to the beach for his swim, and goes for a longer distance than normal, his body humming from the workout as he slices through the early morning surf.
Something must show on his face because when he gets to work Kono sidles up to him and gives him a quick but gentle elbow to the ribs. “So…” she says, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
“So.”
“Do you really need me to ask the question?”
“You can ask, but a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”
Kono giggles. “So there was kissing.”
“I do pay you to work here, right?”
Which is precisely when Danny walks in, giving Steve an easy excuse to drop the conversation and actually get Kono to do what he pays her to do instead of standing around and gossiping about his (notably insane) love life.
It’s about 11:00 when Steve realizes that he needs to call Justin, so he shuts himself in his office to do it. He pulls Justin up on his contact list easily enough, but takes a minute before hitting the call button. Last night was nearly perfect, and Steve is loathe to spoil it with another night when everything can and has gone wrong in heartbeat. On the other hand, he’s generally not one to back down from a fight. In fact, he’s usually leading the charge, tossing grenades and pulling out his gun as he goes, and in this case his mind is made up to make the call before he even started debating it in the first place.
Justin’s smile is evident in the soft, “Hey,” he answers with.
“Hey yourself.” Steve bites his lip, unsure of whether to thank Justin for last night first or to just go all out and ask him for another date tonight.
Justin gets there first.
“Yeah,” Steve says when he asks. “Kono told me about this place. It’s supposed to be really popular, but I haven’t been yet.” This is a blatant lie, but Steve doesn’t have any other reason to know the really good local restaurants. Justin agrees and they set a time to meet at 6:00. The place is extremely casual so Steve can go straight from work, provided he remembers to leave his gun in his car or in his desk this time.
They talk for a while longer, until Steve notices that the rest of the team is gathering around the computer table without him. Danny’s arms are crossed and he’s pointedly staring in through Steve’s blinds and, Steve knows from experience, probably tapping his foot in annoyance.
“I’ve got to go, family stuff,” he says, “but I’ll see you later.” He waits for Justin’s goodbye before he hangs up and pockets the phone.
“By all means, take care of your love life before work,” Danny says. “The governor pays us to sit around and wait for you to be ready to catch the bad guys. Oh wait.”
“Enough, Danny,” Steve cuts him off. Maybe his conversation did go on a bit long for the middle of the work day, but he is the boss, and they had all been working on separate things when he’d made the call.
By the end of the day, he’s fighting a headache that he knows is from having his jaw clenched shut all day, but there’s nothing he can do. He thinks for about half a minute about cancelling, but Kono appears at his side as though she can read his mind and punches him in the arm, in what he’s not-so-fondly starting to refer to as her spot, which is still vaguely bruised from the last time she did it.
“Don’t even think about it,” she says.
And so Steve goes. Justin’s waiting for him when he gets there, and Steve remembers to lock the gun in the glove compartment, even though he had originally meant to leave it locked in his desk. (It’s not like he doesn’t have other weapons in the car and at home, should the need arise. Which he really hopes isn’t the case.)
The restaurant is crowded and noisy, but Justin’s managed to stake out a table for two next to one of the windows, and Steve gratefully sits down in the extra chair. He takes a moment to close his eyes against the noise and attempt to block out the headache that was already starting to overtake him from work before opening his eyes and focusing on Justin. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” Justin says. “Are you OK?”
It’s an opening to say Sorry, long day, I need to go home, can we reschedule? He knows Justin won’t question him too much about his excuses, but he’s already made up his mind to stay, and he’s not looking forward to yet another bruise from Kono.
“Yeah,” Steve finally says. “It’s just been a long day. Lots of mini disasters.” Which really, is the truth, even though he knows Justin will interpret it in light of Steve’s made-up backstory.
“Family can be rough sometimes.”
Thinking of Mary and how disastrous her visits tend to be, Steve nods. He picks up the menu and glances over it quickly for show, since he already knows what his favorite is, and gets up to go place his order. Or he would, except that Justin is out of his chair within seconds telling him to sit down, he’ll go order. Steve thinks about fighting it, but realizes that it’s a lost battle already, so he tells Justin what he wants, gives him a quick kiss and sits back down.
Now that Steve appears to be sitting by himself, no less than three guys attempt to take Justin’s seat while he’s waiting in the line, and Steve wishes that he could just hang a sign or something to keep everyone from attempting to talk to him because he just wants to eat dinner in peace. He’s about to explode at the fourth person who attempts to sit down with him when he looks up and sees that it is Justin this time, and relaxes.
It’s loud enough that Steve can barely hear himself think, and the heat isn’t doing him any favors either, but they make small talk while they wait for their food, then eat it quickly. Steve leaves a few bills on the table for a tip and they leave, escaping into the cooler outside air.
Steve is suddenly exhausted, now that they’re outside where the noise level of the city on a Friday night is at least tolerable. Justin slips his arm around Steve’s waist and Steve leans into the contact. Steve’s car is parked close, but when Justin starts to move him in the opposite direction, Steve doesn’t fight it; he knows that when he really needs to go he can. They wander aimlessly for a while, turning the corner every so often, stopping to look at the tacky window displays in the tourist shops and crossing the street to avoid having to push through crowds in front of the clubs. Every so often Steve leans up to kiss Justin or he leans down.
Eventually, though, they’re back where they started, and Steve steers them the few blocks to his car. There’s plenty of light from the street lamp above them and Steve can see disappointment written on Justin’s face as he says, “Tonight’s been great,”
“But...?”
Steve kisses him gently again, letting the touch linger and feeling Justin’s lips move under his own. “I’m exhausted from dealing with my family, and I probably won’t be good company tonight. I need to go home and sleep.”
“What about tomorrow?” Justin asks.
Steve lets his hands rest on Justin’s hips, fingertips sitting just above the waist line. “I can do tomorrow.”
“I’ll call you,” Justin promises, kissing Steve one more time and then opening the door for him as soon as it’s unlocked.
Just as he had the first night, he waits for Steve to start the car and drive away before he moves, and Steve can barely see him in the side mirror when he finally does turn around to presumably go back to his own car. By the time he gets home he already has a text from Justin, Miss you already.and Steve has to smile.
***
It’s noon on Saturday before when Justin finally calls. Steve spends the morning working out, doing laundry and cleaning the house and he’s finally sitting down to have something to eat when the phone rings.
“As much as I’m liking the whole casual local thing,” Justin says when Steve picks up. “I want to take you somewhere nice tonight.”
Steve nods, then remembers that he’s on the phone and Justin can’t actually see him and says “Sure.”
“How about Morimoto’s? I’ll pick you up at 7:30.”
“I’ll see you tonight,” Steve says, then hangs up. He manages to finish his lunch and wash the dishes before calling Kono.
It turns out that Kono is remarkably efficient when shopping, though when he gets a second to think about it, it really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. From all the other clothes-related things she’s been doing for him in the last few weeks, she knows his size really well, so it only takes a few minutes for her to size up what each store is offering and send him into the dressing room with at least four selections. Despite Kono’s insistence that he looks good in most of the selections, it takes five different stores before he finds an outfit that he’s actually comfortable in. The dress has some sleeves and enough length to keep him from wanting to constantly pull it down.
The shoes are a whole different story, because Kono insists that he needs to wear heels, given where they’re going and what he’s wearing, but the heels don’t seem to come in heights of less than four inches.
By the time they get back to Steve’s place (with a quick stop at the drugstore where Kono leaves him in the car to run in for what she’s termed “supplies”), he’s got an hour to get ready. Kono pushes him into the bathroom and shoves a few things in his hand before closing the door behind her.
“What the hell, Kono?” he says when he finally looks at what he’s holding and finds that it’s a can of shaving cream and a razor.
“I presume you know how to use both of those,” she says. “Use those skills on your legs.” There’s a beat of silence before she also says, “And take a shower.”
Because he doesn’t have an argument for why he doesn’t need to be shaving his legs, he strips and starts running the shower. He cuts himself three times on his right ankle before he figures out how to do it without causing bodily injury, then cuts himself again on the left knee because he gets careless and starts going too fast when Kono knocks on the door and asks are you done yet?
“Fuck!” he yells in response as the blood appears on his knee.
“You have ten minutes,” Kono says. “Then I’m coming in.”
Steve takes his time finishing shaving then quickly soaps himself off and rinses some shampoo through his hair. By the time Kono’s back, Steve is wrapping a towel around his waist and reaching for the door before remembering that he’s got company and he’s pretty sure Kono doesn’t want to see him half-naked. He re-wraps the towel around his chest and emerges into his bedroom to find that Kono’s not in there anyway, but she’s laid out his outfit and shoes for him (after removing all the various tags and stickers). The dress is easy enough to get into himself, but he carries the shoes down the stairs instead of putting them on right away.
Spread out on the dining room table are more than a dozen makeup and makeup-related things, along with a tub of his hair gel, a necklace and some bracelets. Kono shoves the jewelry at his chest and orders him to put it on and sit, which he does before she gets started on applying his makeup, which seems to take much longer tonight than usual.
She’s just finishing when he sees Justin pull into the driveway, so he slips on his shoes, grabs the clutch purse that he's never seen before but which he has to assume Kono put together for him, even though he knows she’s more prone to keeping her wallet in her back pocket than carrying anything extra. He hasn’t had enough practice walking in the new shoes, but he hopes that the practice he put in last weekend will be enough.
“Lock the door behind you,” Steve tells her as he walks outside. He sees her grinning as he shuts the door and turns to where Justin’s pulled up behind her car in the driveway. He stumbles a bit on the uneven ground, but manages to keep his footing long enough to get into the car. Once the door is safely closed behind him he leans over to give Justin a quick kiss. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Justin replies, grabbing Steve’s hand and weaving their fingers together. He doesn’t let go until they get to the restaurant and surrender the car to the valet.
The only other time Steve’s been here was right after he’d broken his arm. The place looks much different at night, with low lighting and candles on the tables. Theirs is at the edge of the dining room, in a quiet corner tucked away from the kitchen doors and the bar. Due to the design of the restaurant they can sit next to each other instead of across the table.
Steve can tell that the food is good, and that Morimoto’s reputation isn’t an exaggeration, but the finer points of the cuisine are lost on him, as all of his other senses are getting washed away in the waves of touch and warmth coming from Justin next to him. Some of it is probably the wine, too, as they’re most of the way through a bottle, now. Steve is sure that they’re getting looks from the other patrons, as they probably look like honeymooners, but Steve forces himself not to care, which is easier than it should be because he’s pretty sure that he’s had a lot more wine than Justin.
At this point, Steve knows better than to even try to pay, but this time, even his attempts to look at the bill are thwarted with a slight shift away from him and an gentle elbow to the ribs from Justin. Steve has just enough time to wonder if his skills are getting sloppy or if Justin just has him pegged that easily before he’s distracted by yet another kiss as their server swoops in to grab Justin’s card.
When they finally do leave, Justin stops to open the door for Steve, but Steve doesn’t climb into the car right away. “I --” he hesitates, not quite knowing how to finish the sentence. Instead he kisses Justin again.
“Me too,” Justin responds, and even though there wasn’t really a question asked, Steve knows what he’s saying. “Do you want to come back to my place for a drink?”
Justin’s voice is quiet, and he seems unsure of the answer, even though Steve thinks it should be obvious. Except maybe not, because it’s not like he’s given Justin a reason to think that he might not want to follow through on whatever he’s saying yes to. “Yeah,” he finally says, between kisses. Now that it’s out there between them, Steve loses track of time as they continue until three seconds or five minutes or an hour later when some passerby clears his throat loudly and makes a point of glaring at them on his way back out to his car.
Steve laughs, and Justin smiles sheepishly. “We should probably go,” Justin says, pulling away from Steve so that he can climb into the car.
The drive predictably takes forever (or at least feels like it). Justin’s holding his hand the whole time, again, and leans over to kiss him at traffic lights and in general drives way too slowly for Steve’s taste, but they eventually pull into the parking lot of a complex on the edge of town. Steve’s not overly familiar with the neighborhood, but it looks decent enough, and when they get inside he finds that Justin’s apartment is simple but clean, with a few books and a computer on the desk in the corner, a few family pictures scattered around and an oversized flatscreen dead center in the living room. It reminds Steve of some of his own past apartments. His train of thought is interrupted when Justin comes up behind him and wraps an arm around his waist, angling his head to kiss the corner of Steve’s neck in just the right spot.
“About that drink,” Justin whispers in Steve’s ear.
Justin is hitting all the pressure points that Steve didn’t know he had and he melts in Justin’s arms, leaning back so that he’s touching as much of Justin as he can without turning around. He turns his head back to kiss Justin, and they stay like that until the awkward angle forces Steve to break apart and turn around so that he can wrap his arms around Justin’s shoulders and continue what they were doing.
“I think the drinks can wait.”
Steve figures out which door is most likely the bedroom and starts moving in that direction, pulling Justin with him. The bedroom is just the same as the rest of the apartment, neat and simple, with the bed made nicely and tucked into a corner. Once they’re through the doors, Justin takes charge again, and soon Steve finds himself sitting on the bed with Justin kneeling on the floor between his knees, reaching down to remove his shoes. Justin runs his hands back up Steve’s legs, thumbs skimming the inside of his thighs, but he stops at the hemline of the dress and looks up at Steve, who isn’t thinking perfectly clearly, but knows that saying yes to that just yet will end badly. Instead, he grabs Justin’s shirt, undoing the top buttons before untucking it and pulling upwards as hard as he can. Justin complies and brings his arms up and helps Steve remove the shirt altogether. Steve takes the opportunity to lie back on the bed, and Justin comes with him, tangling their legs together as they try to move into a position that doesn’t have both of them only half on the bed.
Once they’re settled, Justin pauses for a minute. “Are you OK?” he asks.
The question is more than just asking if Steve’s comfortable in their current position. There’s more weight to it, and Steve knows that he’s being asked if he’s OK with everything, and Steve thinks about it before leaning in to kiss Justin softly before answering, “Yes.”
Justin rolls Steve onto his back, and starts working his way down Steve’s body with his hands, with his mouth. Even over the fabric of Steve’s dress his touch is electric, and Steve suddenly knows that he wants more. More of Justin’s hands, more of his mouth, more everything, so he sits up and tries to reach the zipper, but while he can reach it, the fabric pulls in a weird way and refuses to come undone. When he utterly fails, Justin laughs gently at him, but moves to do it himself, gently pulling the straps forward and over Steve’s shoulders. Steve is both very glad and somewhat unnerved that Kono insisted he didn’t need a bra in this dress because now he’s half-naked, too, the air cooling his overheated skin.
Justin reaches for him again, but hesitates, probably remembering the last time they got to this point. Steve is determined not to let that happen again, so he meets Justin halfway, grabbing Justin’s hand and moving it to his stomach, leaning back so that he can get the stupid dress out from under his hips and kick it to the floor.
Justin topples onto him, and just the contact between their chests is better than Steve expected. He strains up to kiss Justin again, before Justin moves down to repeat the same pattern as before, hesitating slightly before smoothing his hands over Steve’s breasts. Steve feels that same electric shock as before, but he’s prepared for it this time, he knows to expect it, knows what it is and lets the sensation flood into him, blotting out the small part of his mind that still wants to run away.
When Justin reaches the seam of his underwear he hesitates, toying with the edges on Steve’s hips and looking up at him for permission before going any further. Steve nods, feeling remarkably free because while it’s the first time he’s let another man see him like this, it’s not his body, and remembering that makes it easier this time around. Steve knows he’s not going to run this time.
Once Justin’s gotten rid of the underwear, he moves back up, kissing Steve slowly, deeply, like they have all the time in the world. Which, Steve thinks with the last bit of coherent though he has, they do. He hitches a leg up over Justin's hip, pulling him closer without breaking the kiss. Steve's hands can't reach much more than Justin's arms and back and sides, but he seeks out every bit of skin that he can, the same way Justin is doing to him. Justin breaks off and nuzzles his way to the corner of Steve's neck, trailing his lips everywhere. There's a faint sensation of scraping, which Steve realizes is Justin's scruff. It's roughing up his neck, and face, but it's almost immediately soothed by Justin's lips every time.
Despite Steve's nearly iron grip on Justin's arms, he somehow manages to break free and start moving down. He spends time sucking and biting each nipple in turn, using the warmth of his mouth and relative coolness of his breath to make Steve arch his back, desperate to get more. One of Justin's hands trails down Steve's side to his hip, thumb working circles on Steve's skin, but more or less staying where it is.
Between that and the way Justin's hands are finding every sensitive spot on his chest Steve is about to burst. He pulls Justin up for another kiss, and manages to get out a breathy, "Please."
That does it, Justin presses Steve back into the mattress and buries himself between Steve’s legs. He uses his hand first, brushing Steve's clit with the thumb that had been driving him crazy. He kisses down Steve's stomach, occasionally using his teeth just a bit, before finally bending to it, using his lips and tongue to drive Steve crazy while his hands roam everywhere else at once.
The physical sensations are completely different than Steve’s used to, but the arousal zipping down his spine and settling low in his stomach is exactly the same. Justin somehow knows exactly how to bring Steve to the edge and keep him there without letting him fall and keeps him there for what feels like forever until a gentle scrape of teeth on his clit pushes him over. Steve arches his neck and grips the sheets under him as he rides out his orgasm and it leaves him loose limbed and weak, his heart pounding and his breath coming in short gasps.
“Come here,” he says to Justin, voice rough, and Justin obeys, moving up to lie next to Steve and kiss him, slow and deep. He hooks his legs around Justin’s to bring him closer and notices that Justin’s both still wearing his pants and very clearly hard, his erection digging into Steve’s hip through the fabric. Almost as an experiment, Steve rolls his hips, feeling Justin push back against him looking for more.
Steve reaches a hand between them and fumbles with Justin’s belt, getting it open easily and moving on to the button of his pants. He palms Justin through the fabric for the first time, feeling the heat and reveling in how familiar and different and good and right it is. He rolls them over, to get Justin on his back again. He's repeating the treatment he got, play by play. He kisses the spot under Justin's left ear and feels him shiver. He scrapes a fingernail down Justin's chest and over his nipple, feeling the hard muscles jump and relax under his fingers. He licks the path his fingers have made and he can feel Justin's hips bucking up under him. Eventually, Steve makes his way down Justin’s body, tracing the line of Justin's boxers before pulling the waist out and easing Justin’s pants and boxers past his cock and off his hips.
Once he takes care of Justin's pants, he looks up to find that he's up propped up on his elbows, watching Steve carefully. His body is tight, even though he's trying to look relaxed, and Steve knows that Justin is trying to gauge his reaction. He runs his hands up over Justin's legs, over downy soft hair, dropping his thumbs to run up the inside of Justin's thighs. He watches as Justin's cock jumps when he gets close.
He doesn't go there right away, though. He bends and bites Justin's hipbone, the V of muscle that stands out, using his fingers to soothe over after his teeth. Steve stretches back up to kiss Justin, quick and hard, almost clashing their teeth together. He's still nervous about doing this, about taking one more step, but it's just them, and Justin seems to be happy with whatever Steve can give him. With one last kiss, Steve changes positions one more time and curls himself around Justin's hips, draping his arm across Justin's stomach and hooking one leg around Justin's.
The position helps him separate who he's with from what he's doing. It's a futile distinction, but making this less personal is helping. It's not about Justin's reactions anymore, it's about Steve learning to do this to someone who isn't himself.
He digs his fingers into Justin's hip with one hand, and with the other tentatively reaches for Justin's cock. He palms the shaft first, feeling the skin slide under his hand. Justin gasps behind him. Encouraged, Steve slides his hand back up, this time palming the tip, feeling Justin's precome spreading over his palm. That'll stick later, he thinks idly, before pushing all stray thoughts out of his had and finally wrapping his fingers around Justin's cock. On the surface it doesn't feel that much different from doing this himself. Justin is a different shape, but it's still a dick, and he's got plenty of practice with that.
Steve carefully starts moving his hand again, feeling Justin twitch in response. When a hand comes up to twine in Steve's hair he shakes his head, not wanting to go there. Justin may not be overtly pushing for a blow job, but Steve knows that move, he's used it himself, and he knows that he can't do that, not tonight. He reaches up and gently moves Justin's hand to his shoulder to give him something to hold on to and goes back to what he's doing. He starts slowly, paying more attention to mapping out the veins and ridges, feeling Justin's responses to every touch.
Once he's done exploring, Steve tightens his grip and begins to move his hand in a rhythm. It's not all that fast yet, but he'll get there, He knows how it feels, the gradual build from slow and gentle. He takes his time, but he's working steadily now, moving down to cup Justin's balls and back up to run his palm or fingers or thumb over the head. He can feel Justin tense up, Justin's hand has moved to Steve's hip and he squeezes, and a second later Justin's coming, leaving white ropes on his stomach and on Steve's chest and hands. Steve loosens his grip, but keeps stroking gently, feeling Justin relax under him. He keeps going until Justin is nearly soft again before releasing him and abandoning his position so that he can go back to kiss Justin one more time before pulling back and using Justin's chest for his pillow while they both cool off.
They lie there for a an indeterminable length of time before Steve shivers and Justin laughs and suggests that they get under the covers. Steve pulls the sheet up to his waist and watches Justin take a minute to grab a washcloth and clean himself off before turning his attention to Steve, too. It’s been a while since Steve has slept in a bed that’s not his own, and while he's generally not good at sleeping in strange places, the combination of the afterglow and the heat from the warm body next to him is making him drowsy. It isn’t long before Steve drifts into a light sleep with Justin wrapped around him, their fingers laced together.
***
When he wakes up the next morning he finds that they’ve shifted positions during the night and he’s now lying half on Justin’s chest, using his shoulder for a pillow. Judging by the steady breathing he can hear Justin is still asleep, so Steve takes care to move as little as possible so that he doesn’t wake him.
It’s comfortable, waking up like this, with someone else, with Justin, but Steve knows that it can’t last forever, and he’s not sure how much longer he can be “Jaime.” While he really does like Justin, and while last night was a revelation in more ways than he can actually articulate to his partner, it should probably be the end; even if he is stuck in this body for who knows how long.
“Stop thinking,” Justin says, voice still heavy from sleep. “I can hear you in my dreams.”
“I hope they’re good ones,” Steve says, tilting his head back to kiss Justin good morning. The kiss is just that, a kiss, and there’s no push for it to turn into something more. Instead, they stay tangled together under the sheets for a long time, until Steve finally pulls back and rolls out of bed and into the bathroom, scooping up his clothes along the way.
He feels overdressed and somewhat silly when he emerges to find Justin in just a pair of sweats, scrubbing a hand through his hair, probably to fix his bedhead but only succeeding in making it stand up even more. Steve laughs.
“Do you want some coffee?” Justin asks.
They do need to talk, so Steve says, “yes,” and they both move into the kitchen.
With the coffee brewing, Justin starts the conversation by asking when Steve’s planning on going back to the mainland, and Steve knows exactly why he’s asking. It makes everything that much easier.
“I don’t know,” he says truthfully.
They talk for a long time over breakfast scrounged from Justin’s almost bare cabinets, and when Justin drops Steve off at home and kisses him goodbye, Steve knows that this is the end of whatever this has been between them. As usual, Justin waits for Steve to open the door, but this time Steve stays on the stoop to watch him pull out of the driveway and leave.
To distract himself, he changes clothes and goes out for a run, pushing himself to get back to both the pace and endurance he had with his old body, and by the time he gets home he finds two missed calls and a voicemail from Kono, one from Danny and a text from a number he doesn’t recognize, but signed Grace saying that she hopes he feels better soon so he can take her to the beach, because Danno doesn’t like the sun and spends the whole time they’re on the beach complaining. Not that it’s actually any different when he’s there (if anything, Danno probably complains even more and just for Steve’s benefit), but Steve enjoys it all the same. Not to mention there’s his ongoing (and so far, very successful) campaign to turn Gracie as Hawaiian as he can. Danny’s voicemail is a warning that he’s caved to demand and given Steve’s number to Grace, and to not believe a word of anything she tells him, especially not the part about him not taking her to the beach, because they’ve already spent too much time on the beach and I don’t need her to walk away from this damn island with skin cancer.
Steve doesn’t have to listen to Kono’s message to know that she’s digging for information on how things went with Justin, and he’s not ready to answer her just yet. Instead, he showers and finds plenty of things to do around the house, and keeps going until he should have been in bed an hour ago because he needs to swim in the morning before work.
By the time he does crawl into bed, he’s asleep quickly from a combination of physical and emotional exhaustion and doesn’t dream at all.
Part 5
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3
Even though he only gets a few hours of sleep, Steve wakes up refreshed and heads down to the beach for his swim, and goes for a longer distance than normal, his body humming from the workout as he slices through the early morning surf.
Something must show on his face because when he gets to work Kono sidles up to him and gives him a quick but gentle elbow to the ribs. “So…” she says, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
“So.”
“Do you really need me to ask the question?”
“You can ask, but a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”
Kono giggles. “So there was kissing.”
“I do pay you to work here, right?”
Which is precisely when Danny walks in, giving Steve an easy excuse to drop the conversation and actually get Kono to do what he pays her to do instead of standing around and gossiping about his (notably insane) love life.
It’s about 11:00 when Steve realizes that he needs to call Justin, so he shuts himself in his office to do it. He pulls Justin up on his contact list easily enough, but takes a minute before hitting the call button. Last night was nearly perfect, and Steve is loathe to spoil it with another night when everything can and has gone wrong in heartbeat. On the other hand, he’s generally not one to back down from a fight. In fact, he’s usually leading the charge, tossing grenades and pulling out his gun as he goes, and in this case his mind is made up to make the call before he even started debating it in the first place.
Justin’s smile is evident in the soft, “Hey,” he answers with.
“Hey yourself.” Steve bites his lip, unsure of whether to thank Justin for last night first or to just go all out and ask him for another date tonight.
Justin gets there first.
“Yeah,” Steve says when he asks. “Kono told me about this place. It’s supposed to be really popular, but I haven’t been yet.” This is a blatant lie, but Steve doesn’t have any other reason to know the really good local restaurants. Justin agrees and they set a time to meet at 6:00. The place is extremely casual so Steve can go straight from work, provided he remembers to leave his gun in his car or in his desk this time.
They talk for a while longer, until Steve notices that the rest of the team is gathering around the computer table without him. Danny’s arms are crossed and he’s pointedly staring in through Steve’s blinds and, Steve knows from experience, probably tapping his foot in annoyance.
“I’ve got to go, family stuff,” he says, “but I’ll see you later.” He waits for Justin’s goodbye before he hangs up and pockets the phone.
“By all means, take care of your love life before work,” Danny says. “The governor pays us to sit around and wait for you to be ready to catch the bad guys. Oh wait.”
“Enough, Danny,” Steve cuts him off. Maybe his conversation did go on a bit long for the middle of the work day, but he is the boss, and they had all been working on separate things when he’d made the call.
By the end of the day, he’s fighting a headache that he knows is from having his jaw clenched shut all day, but there’s nothing he can do. He thinks for about half a minute about cancelling, but Kono appears at his side as though she can read his mind and punches him in the arm, in what he’s not-so-fondly starting to refer to as her spot, which is still vaguely bruised from the last time she did it.
“Don’t even think about it,” she says.
And so Steve goes. Justin’s waiting for him when he gets there, and Steve remembers to lock the gun in the glove compartment, even though he had originally meant to leave it locked in his desk. (It’s not like he doesn’t have other weapons in the car and at home, should the need arise. Which he really hopes isn’t the case.)
The restaurant is crowded and noisy, but Justin’s managed to stake out a table for two next to one of the windows, and Steve gratefully sits down in the extra chair. He takes a moment to close his eyes against the noise and attempt to block out the headache that was already starting to overtake him from work before opening his eyes and focusing on Justin. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” Justin says. “Are you OK?”
It’s an opening to say Sorry, long day, I need to go home, can we reschedule? He knows Justin won’t question him too much about his excuses, but he’s already made up his mind to stay, and he’s not looking forward to yet another bruise from Kono.
“Yeah,” Steve finally says. “It’s just been a long day. Lots of mini disasters.” Which really, is the truth, even though he knows Justin will interpret it in light of Steve’s made-up backstory.
“Family can be rough sometimes.”
Thinking of Mary and how disastrous her visits tend to be, Steve nods. He picks up the menu and glances over it quickly for show, since he already knows what his favorite is, and gets up to go place his order. Or he would, except that Justin is out of his chair within seconds telling him to sit down, he’ll go order. Steve thinks about fighting it, but realizes that it’s a lost battle already, so he tells Justin what he wants, gives him a quick kiss and sits back down.
Now that Steve appears to be sitting by himself, no less than three guys attempt to take Justin’s seat while he’s waiting in the line, and Steve wishes that he could just hang a sign or something to keep everyone from attempting to talk to him because he just wants to eat dinner in peace. He’s about to explode at the fourth person who attempts to sit down with him when he looks up and sees that it is Justin this time, and relaxes.
It’s loud enough that Steve can barely hear himself think, and the heat isn’t doing him any favors either, but they make small talk while they wait for their food, then eat it quickly. Steve leaves a few bills on the table for a tip and they leave, escaping into the cooler outside air.
Steve is suddenly exhausted, now that they’re outside where the noise level of the city on a Friday night is at least tolerable. Justin slips his arm around Steve’s waist and Steve leans into the contact. Steve’s car is parked close, but when Justin starts to move him in the opposite direction, Steve doesn’t fight it; he knows that when he really needs to go he can. They wander aimlessly for a while, turning the corner every so often, stopping to look at the tacky window displays in the tourist shops and crossing the street to avoid having to push through crowds in front of the clubs. Every so often Steve leans up to kiss Justin or he leans down.
Eventually, though, they’re back where they started, and Steve steers them the few blocks to his car. There’s plenty of light from the street lamp above them and Steve can see disappointment written on Justin’s face as he says, “Tonight’s been great,”
“But...?”
Steve kisses him gently again, letting the touch linger and feeling Justin’s lips move under his own. “I’m exhausted from dealing with my family, and I probably won’t be good company tonight. I need to go home and sleep.”
“What about tomorrow?” Justin asks.
Steve lets his hands rest on Justin’s hips, fingertips sitting just above the waist line. “I can do tomorrow.”
“I’ll call you,” Justin promises, kissing Steve one more time and then opening the door for him as soon as it’s unlocked.
Just as he had the first night, he waits for Steve to start the car and drive away before he moves, and Steve can barely see him in the side mirror when he finally does turn around to presumably go back to his own car. By the time he gets home he already has a text from Justin, Miss you already.and Steve has to smile.
***
It’s noon on Saturday before when Justin finally calls. Steve spends the morning working out, doing laundry and cleaning the house and he’s finally sitting down to have something to eat when the phone rings.
“As much as I’m liking the whole casual local thing,” Justin says when Steve picks up. “I want to take you somewhere nice tonight.”
Steve nods, then remembers that he’s on the phone and Justin can’t actually see him and says “Sure.”
“How about Morimoto’s? I’ll pick you up at 7:30.”
“I’ll see you tonight,” Steve says, then hangs up. He manages to finish his lunch and wash the dishes before calling Kono.
It turns out that Kono is remarkably efficient when shopping, though when he gets a second to think about it, it really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. From all the other clothes-related things she’s been doing for him in the last few weeks, she knows his size really well, so it only takes a few minutes for her to size up what each store is offering and send him into the dressing room with at least four selections. Despite Kono’s insistence that he looks good in most of the selections, it takes five different stores before he finds an outfit that he’s actually comfortable in. The dress has some sleeves and enough length to keep him from wanting to constantly pull it down.
The shoes are a whole different story, because Kono insists that he needs to wear heels, given where they’re going and what he’s wearing, but the heels don’t seem to come in heights of less than four inches.
By the time they get back to Steve’s place (with a quick stop at the drugstore where Kono leaves him in the car to run in for what she’s termed “supplies”), he’s got an hour to get ready. Kono pushes him into the bathroom and shoves a few things in his hand before closing the door behind her.
“What the hell, Kono?” he says when he finally looks at what he’s holding and finds that it’s a can of shaving cream and a razor.
“I presume you know how to use both of those,” she says. “Use those skills on your legs.” There’s a beat of silence before she also says, “And take a shower.”
Because he doesn’t have an argument for why he doesn’t need to be shaving his legs, he strips and starts running the shower. He cuts himself three times on his right ankle before he figures out how to do it without causing bodily injury, then cuts himself again on the left knee because he gets careless and starts going too fast when Kono knocks on the door and asks are you done yet?
“Fuck!” he yells in response as the blood appears on his knee.
“You have ten minutes,” Kono says. “Then I’m coming in.”
Steve takes his time finishing shaving then quickly soaps himself off and rinses some shampoo through his hair. By the time Kono’s back, Steve is wrapping a towel around his waist and reaching for the door before remembering that he’s got company and he’s pretty sure Kono doesn’t want to see him half-naked. He re-wraps the towel around his chest and emerges into his bedroom to find that Kono’s not in there anyway, but she’s laid out his outfit and shoes for him (after removing all the various tags and stickers). The dress is easy enough to get into himself, but he carries the shoes down the stairs instead of putting them on right away.
Spread out on the dining room table are more than a dozen makeup and makeup-related things, along with a tub of his hair gel, a necklace and some bracelets. Kono shoves the jewelry at his chest and orders him to put it on and sit, which he does before she gets started on applying his makeup, which seems to take much longer tonight than usual.
She’s just finishing when he sees Justin pull into the driveway, so he slips on his shoes, grabs the clutch purse that he's never seen before but which he has to assume Kono put together for him, even though he knows she’s more prone to keeping her wallet in her back pocket than carrying anything extra. He hasn’t had enough practice walking in the new shoes, but he hopes that the practice he put in last weekend will be enough.
“Lock the door behind you,” Steve tells her as he walks outside. He sees her grinning as he shuts the door and turns to where Justin’s pulled up behind her car in the driveway. He stumbles a bit on the uneven ground, but manages to keep his footing long enough to get into the car. Once the door is safely closed behind him he leans over to give Justin a quick kiss. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Justin replies, grabbing Steve’s hand and weaving their fingers together. He doesn’t let go until they get to the restaurant and surrender the car to the valet.
The only other time Steve’s been here was right after he’d broken his arm. The place looks much different at night, with low lighting and candles on the tables. Theirs is at the edge of the dining room, in a quiet corner tucked away from the kitchen doors and the bar. Due to the design of the restaurant they can sit next to each other instead of across the table.
Steve can tell that the food is good, and that Morimoto’s reputation isn’t an exaggeration, but the finer points of the cuisine are lost on him, as all of his other senses are getting washed away in the waves of touch and warmth coming from Justin next to him. Some of it is probably the wine, too, as they’re most of the way through a bottle, now. Steve is sure that they’re getting looks from the other patrons, as they probably look like honeymooners, but Steve forces himself not to care, which is easier than it should be because he’s pretty sure that he’s had a lot more wine than Justin.
At this point, Steve knows better than to even try to pay, but this time, even his attempts to look at the bill are thwarted with a slight shift away from him and an gentle elbow to the ribs from Justin. Steve has just enough time to wonder if his skills are getting sloppy or if Justin just has him pegged that easily before he’s distracted by yet another kiss as their server swoops in to grab Justin’s card.
When they finally do leave, Justin stops to open the door for Steve, but Steve doesn’t climb into the car right away. “I --” he hesitates, not quite knowing how to finish the sentence. Instead he kisses Justin again.
“Me too,” Justin responds, and even though there wasn’t really a question asked, Steve knows what he’s saying. “Do you want to come back to my place for a drink?”
Justin’s voice is quiet, and he seems unsure of the answer, even though Steve thinks it should be obvious. Except maybe not, because it’s not like he’s given Justin a reason to think that he might not want to follow through on whatever he’s saying yes to. “Yeah,” he finally says, between kisses. Now that it’s out there between them, Steve loses track of time as they continue until three seconds or five minutes or an hour later when some passerby clears his throat loudly and makes a point of glaring at them on his way back out to his car.
Steve laughs, and Justin smiles sheepishly. “We should probably go,” Justin says, pulling away from Steve so that he can climb into the car.
The drive predictably takes forever (or at least feels like it). Justin’s holding his hand the whole time, again, and leans over to kiss him at traffic lights and in general drives way too slowly for Steve’s taste, but they eventually pull into the parking lot of a complex on the edge of town. Steve’s not overly familiar with the neighborhood, but it looks decent enough, and when they get inside he finds that Justin’s apartment is simple but clean, with a few books and a computer on the desk in the corner, a few family pictures scattered around and an oversized flatscreen dead center in the living room. It reminds Steve of some of his own past apartments. His train of thought is interrupted when Justin comes up behind him and wraps an arm around his waist, angling his head to kiss the corner of Steve’s neck in just the right spot.
“About that drink,” Justin whispers in Steve’s ear.
Justin is hitting all the pressure points that Steve didn’t know he had and he melts in Justin’s arms, leaning back so that he’s touching as much of Justin as he can without turning around. He turns his head back to kiss Justin, and they stay like that until the awkward angle forces Steve to break apart and turn around so that he can wrap his arms around Justin’s shoulders and continue what they were doing.
“I think the drinks can wait.”
Steve figures out which door is most likely the bedroom and starts moving in that direction, pulling Justin with him. The bedroom is just the same as the rest of the apartment, neat and simple, with the bed made nicely and tucked into a corner. Once they’re through the doors, Justin takes charge again, and soon Steve finds himself sitting on the bed with Justin kneeling on the floor between his knees, reaching down to remove his shoes. Justin runs his hands back up Steve’s legs, thumbs skimming the inside of his thighs, but he stops at the hemline of the dress and looks up at Steve, who isn’t thinking perfectly clearly, but knows that saying yes to that just yet will end badly. Instead, he grabs Justin’s shirt, undoing the top buttons before untucking it and pulling upwards as hard as he can. Justin complies and brings his arms up and helps Steve remove the shirt altogether. Steve takes the opportunity to lie back on the bed, and Justin comes with him, tangling their legs together as they try to move into a position that doesn’t have both of them only half on the bed.
Once they’re settled, Justin pauses for a minute. “Are you OK?” he asks.
The question is more than just asking if Steve’s comfortable in their current position. There’s more weight to it, and Steve knows that he’s being asked if he’s OK with everything, and Steve thinks about it before leaning in to kiss Justin softly before answering, “Yes.”
Justin rolls Steve onto his back, and starts working his way down Steve’s body with his hands, with his mouth. Even over the fabric of Steve’s dress his touch is electric, and Steve suddenly knows that he wants more. More of Justin’s hands, more of his mouth, more everything, so he sits up and tries to reach the zipper, but while he can reach it, the fabric pulls in a weird way and refuses to come undone. When he utterly fails, Justin laughs gently at him, but moves to do it himself, gently pulling the straps forward and over Steve’s shoulders. Steve is both very glad and somewhat unnerved that Kono insisted he didn’t need a bra in this dress because now he’s half-naked, too, the air cooling his overheated skin.
Justin reaches for him again, but hesitates, probably remembering the last time they got to this point. Steve is determined not to let that happen again, so he meets Justin halfway, grabbing Justin’s hand and moving it to his stomach, leaning back so that he can get the stupid dress out from under his hips and kick it to the floor.
Justin topples onto him, and just the contact between their chests is better than Steve expected. He strains up to kiss Justin again, before Justin moves down to repeat the same pattern as before, hesitating slightly before smoothing his hands over Steve’s breasts. Steve feels that same electric shock as before, but he’s prepared for it this time, he knows to expect it, knows what it is and lets the sensation flood into him, blotting out the small part of his mind that still wants to run away.
When Justin reaches the seam of his underwear he hesitates, toying with the edges on Steve’s hips and looking up at him for permission before going any further. Steve nods, feeling remarkably free because while it’s the first time he’s let another man see him like this, it’s not his body, and remembering that makes it easier this time around. Steve knows he’s not going to run this time.
Once Justin’s gotten rid of the underwear, he moves back up, kissing Steve slowly, deeply, like they have all the time in the world. Which, Steve thinks with the last bit of coherent though he has, they do. He hitches a leg up over Justin's hip, pulling him closer without breaking the kiss. Steve's hands can't reach much more than Justin's arms and back and sides, but he seeks out every bit of skin that he can, the same way Justin is doing to him. Justin breaks off and nuzzles his way to the corner of Steve's neck, trailing his lips everywhere. There's a faint sensation of scraping, which Steve realizes is Justin's scruff. It's roughing up his neck, and face, but it's almost immediately soothed by Justin's lips every time.
Despite Steve's nearly iron grip on Justin's arms, he somehow manages to break free and start moving down. He spends time sucking and biting each nipple in turn, using the warmth of his mouth and relative coolness of his breath to make Steve arch his back, desperate to get more. One of Justin's hands trails down Steve's side to his hip, thumb working circles on Steve's skin, but more or less staying where it is.
Between that and the way Justin's hands are finding every sensitive spot on his chest Steve is about to burst. He pulls Justin up for another kiss, and manages to get out a breathy, "Please."
That does it, Justin presses Steve back into the mattress and buries himself between Steve’s legs. He uses his hand first, brushing Steve's clit with the thumb that had been driving him crazy. He kisses down Steve's stomach, occasionally using his teeth just a bit, before finally bending to it, using his lips and tongue to drive Steve crazy while his hands roam everywhere else at once.
The physical sensations are completely different than Steve’s used to, but the arousal zipping down his spine and settling low in his stomach is exactly the same. Justin somehow knows exactly how to bring Steve to the edge and keep him there without letting him fall and keeps him there for what feels like forever until a gentle scrape of teeth on his clit pushes him over. Steve arches his neck and grips the sheets under him as he rides out his orgasm and it leaves him loose limbed and weak, his heart pounding and his breath coming in short gasps.
“Come here,” he says to Justin, voice rough, and Justin obeys, moving up to lie next to Steve and kiss him, slow and deep. He hooks his legs around Justin’s to bring him closer and notices that Justin’s both still wearing his pants and very clearly hard, his erection digging into Steve’s hip through the fabric. Almost as an experiment, Steve rolls his hips, feeling Justin push back against him looking for more.
Steve reaches a hand between them and fumbles with Justin’s belt, getting it open easily and moving on to the button of his pants. He palms Justin through the fabric for the first time, feeling the heat and reveling in how familiar and different and good and right it is. He rolls them over, to get Justin on his back again. He's repeating the treatment he got, play by play. He kisses the spot under Justin's left ear and feels him shiver. He scrapes a fingernail down Justin's chest and over his nipple, feeling the hard muscles jump and relax under his fingers. He licks the path his fingers have made and he can feel Justin's hips bucking up under him. Eventually, Steve makes his way down Justin’s body, tracing the line of Justin's boxers before pulling the waist out and easing Justin’s pants and boxers past his cock and off his hips.
Once he takes care of Justin's pants, he looks up to find that he's up propped up on his elbows, watching Steve carefully. His body is tight, even though he's trying to look relaxed, and Steve knows that Justin is trying to gauge his reaction. He runs his hands up over Justin's legs, over downy soft hair, dropping his thumbs to run up the inside of Justin's thighs. He watches as Justin's cock jumps when he gets close.
He doesn't go there right away, though. He bends and bites Justin's hipbone, the V of muscle that stands out, using his fingers to soothe over after his teeth. Steve stretches back up to kiss Justin, quick and hard, almost clashing their teeth together. He's still nervous about doing this, about taking one more step, but it's just them, and Justin seems to be happy with whatever Steve can give him. With one last kiss, Steve changes positions one more time and curls himself around Justin's hips, draping his arm across Justin's stomach and hooking one leg around Justin's.
The position helps him separate who he's with from what he's doing. It's a futile distinction, but making this less personal is helping. It's not about Justin's reactions anymore, it's about Steve learning to do this to someone who isn't himself.
He digs his fingers into Justin's hip with one hand, and with the other tentatively reaches for Justin's cock. He palms the shaft first, feeling the skin slide under his hand. Justin gasps behind him. Encouraged, Steve slides his hand back up, this time palming the tip, feeling Justin's precome spreading over his palm. That'll stick later, he thinks idly, before pushing all stray thoughts out of his had and finally wrapping his fingers around Justin's cock. On the surface it doesn't feel that much different from doing this himself. Justin is a different shape, but it's still a dick, and he's got plenty of practice with that.
Steve carefully starts moving his hand again, feeling Justin twitch in response. When a hand comes up to twine in Steve's hair he shakes his head, not wanting to go there. Justin may not be overtly pushing for a blow job, but Steve knows that move, he's used it himself, and he knows that he can't do that, not tonight. He reaches up and gently moves Justin's hand to his shoulder to give him something to hold on to and goes back to what he's doing. He starts slowly, paying more attention to mapping out the veins and ridges, feeling Justin's responses to every touch.
Once he's done exploring, Steve tightens his grip and begins to move his hand in a rhythm. It's not all that fast yet, but he'll get there, He knows how it feels, the gradual build from slow and gentle. He takes his time, but he's working steadily now, moving down to cup Justin's balls and back up to run his palm or fingers or thumb over the head. He can feel Justin tense up, Justin's hand has moved to Steve's hip and he squeezes, and a second later Justin's coming, leaving white ropes on his stomach and on Steve's chest and hands. Steve loosens his grip, but keeps stroking gently, feeling Justin relax under him. He keeps going until Justin is nearly soft again before releasing him and abandoning his position so that he can go back to kiss Justin one more time before pulling back and using Justin's chest for his pillow while they both cool off.
They lie there for a an indeterminable length of time before Steve shivers and Justin laughs and suggests that they get under the covers. Steve pulls the sheet up to his waist and watches Justin take a minute to grab a washcloth and clean himself off before turning his attention to Steve, too. It’s been a while since Steve has slept in a bed that’s not his own, and while he's generally not good at sleeping in strange places, the combination of the afterglow and the heat from the warm body next to him is making him drowsy. It isn’t long before Steve drifts into a light sleep with Justin wrapped around him, their fingers laced together.
***
When he wakes up the next morning he finds that they’ve shifted positions during the night and he’s now lying half on Justin’s chest, using his shoulder for a pillow. Judging by the steady breathing he can hear Justin is still asleep, so Steve takes care to move as little as possible so that he doesn’t wake him.
It’s comfortable, waking up like this, with someone else, with Justin, but Steve knows that it can’t last forever, and he’s not sure how much longer he can be “Jaime.” While he really does like Justin, and while last night was a revelation in more ways than he can actually articulate to his partner, it should probably be the end; even if he is stuck in this body for who knows how long.
“Stop thinking,” Justin says, voice still heavy from sleep. “I can hear you in my dreams.”
“I hope they’re good ones,” Steve says, tilting his head back to kiss Justin good morning. The kiss is just that, a kiss, and there’s no push for it to turn into something more. Instead, they stay tangled together under the sheets for a long time, until Steve finally pulls back and rolls out of bed and into the bathroom, scooping up his clothes along the way.
He feels overdressed and somewhat silly when he emerges to find Justin in just a pair of sweats, scrubbing a hand through his hair, probably to fix his bedhead but only succeeding in making it stand up even more. Steve laughs.
“Do you want some coffee?” Justin asks.
They do need to talk, so Steve says, “yes,” and they both move into the kitchen.
With the coffee brewing, Justin starts the conversation by asking when Steve’s planning on going back to the mainland, and Steve knows exactly why he’s asking. It makes everything that much easier.
“I don’t know,” he says truthfully.
They talk for a long time over breakfast scrounged from Justin’s almost bare cabinets, and when Justin drops Steve off at home and kisses him goodbye, Steve knows that this is the end of whatever this has been between them. As usual, Justin waits for Steve to open the door, but this time Steve stays on the stoop to watch him pull out of the driveway and leave.
To distract himself, he changes clothes and goes out for a run, pushing himself to get back to both the pace and endurance he had with his old body, and by the time he gets home he finds two missed calls and a voicemail from Kono, one from Danny and a text from a number he doesn’t recognize, but signed Grace saying that she hopes he feels better soon so he can take her to the beach, because Danno doesn’t like the sun and spends the whole time they’re on the beach complaining. Not that it’s actually any different when he’s there (if anything, Danno probably complains even more and just for Steve’s benefit), but Steve enjoys it all the same. Not to mention there’s his ongoing (and so far, very successful) campaign to turn Gracie as Hawaiian as he can. Danny’s voicemail is a warning that he’s caved to demand and given Steve’s number to Grace, and to not believe a word of anything she tells him, especially not the part about him not taking her to the beach, because they’ve already spent too much time on the beach and I don’t need her to walk away from this damn island with skin cancer.
Steve doesn’t have to listen to Kono’s message to know that she’s digging for information on how things went with Justin, and he’s not ready to answer her just yet. Instead, he showers and finds plenty of things to do around the house, and keeps going until he should have been in bed an hour ago because he needs to swim in the morning before work.
By the time he does crawl into bed, he’s asleep quickly from a combination of physical and emotional exhaustion and doesn’t dream at all.
Part 5