Fanfic: Advanced Genealogy (3/4)
Title: Advanced Genealogy (chapter 3/4)
Author: Canadianiana
Spoilers: I don't think there's any, but we'll say up to the hiatus just to be sure.
Ratings/warnings: PG-13? A bit of swearing, nothing scandalous. Oop, there's one lonely F-word in this chapter.
Summary: From a ficcy Friday prompt from tilie12, in which Jeff's mother shows up at Greendale unannounced, expecting to meet the girlfriend Jeff told her he had, named Annie. I won't give away the rest.
Word count: 7200 this chapter (19,000 so far).
Disclaimer: I own nothing - just a fan.
Author's note: Chapter 3: The Dinner! Nervous about this chapter, I really hope you guys like it. Also: I sincerely apologize in advance, but it's likely that chapter 4 won't be up until Friday.
Chapter 3: Natural Selection
The seven seconds it takes Annie to walk from the couch to the front door are some of the longest of her life.
She had been so focused on distracting Jeff from thinking about tonight that she forgot to think about tonight herself. Her earlier reservations about improvising come crashing back to her all at once, and she feels a stab of regret that they didn't talk about this more. She still doesn't know anything about Jeff's mom, really, and she actually has no idea how this will go. Oh god, we forgot to pick an anniversary date! Maybe I can-
Jeff pulls open the door. "Hi, mom."
Marilyn smiles at him. "It's nice to hear that again."
He deflates slightly, but invites her in and takes her coat as she greets Annie warmly.
"Do you want something to drink?" Jeff offers, heading into the kitchen.
Annie suddenly feels useless, and follows him to ostensibly check on the lasagna. Yep, it's cooking.
"Sure," Marilyn replies, settling on one of his bar stools.
Jeff pours three glasses of wine, and Annie gratefully accepts one. It occurs to her that she could make them a salad, which would both give her something to do, and give them something to eat while they're waiting. So she busies herself with that and tries to give Jeff a reassuring smile when he catches her eye. She can be here for him, but he's the one who needs to talk this time.
He sits next to his mom and clears his throat. "So, how did the condo hunting go?"
"Not bad. Greendale doesn't have the biggest selection, but we have a couple more to see tomorrow."
Jeff stares into his wine for a second. "Who's moving here?"
Marilyn sighs. "Debbie. Her and Rob are getting divorced."
"Holy crap, really?" he says, looking up. "What happened?"
"Well, he... cheated on her."
Jeff shakes his head in disbelief. "After all this time?"
"No," Marilyn says sadly. "FOR all this time."
"Seriously?"
She nods.
A look of utter disgust passes across Jeff's face. "God, how could someone do that to someone they're supposed to love?"
For a moment, the only sound is Annie, moving around the kitchen.
"What, you mean lie to them for years on end?" Marilyn asks softly.
Annie freezes, bent at the waist, staring into the fridge. It's so quiet that she swears she can hear the cheese bubbling in the oven. She has absolutely no idea what to do.
Jeff clears his throat again, breaking the silence. "Well, I walked right into that one, didn't I?"
Marilyn lets out a small chuckle, much to Annie's relief. "Still sarcastic, I see."
"Yeah," he agrees. "I'll admit, it's a bit of a defense mechanism."
"I'm not here to attack you, Jeffrey."
He purses his lips. "I know."
Annie realizes she's still staring into the fridge, and there's no reason for her to be, given that it's pretty bare. And that she's not actually looking for anything. So she forces herself to close the door, returning to the counter and facing them once again. Jeff glances at her, and she does her best to look encouraging while she finishes chopping up vegetables.
He takes a deep breath and then looks back to Marilyn. "Mom, I have to ask: how did you find me?"
"I dropped by your old office when Debbie and I got into town yesterday. The secretary told me that you had... left. But Ted happened to be there, and told me where I could find you. He didn't say much else."
"I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, then," Jeff says, his voice a little strained.
Marilyn smiles at him. "It would be nice."
Jeff is struggling; Annie can see it. He's not great with being open and honest, or great at admitting his mistakes. The idea of having to confess YEARS of lying and deceit to someone he really cares about must be positively overwhelming. He shifts in his seat, soundlessly opening and closing his mouth a few times, looking as miserable as Annie's ever seen him.
He's only three feet away from her, but they're separated by the counter, and that's entirely too far. "Why don't we go sit at the table?" she suggests, picking up the salad and leading the way. Marilyn silently follows her into the makeshift dining room while Annie sets the bowl down and turns back to the kitchen to get a few other things. But Jeff seems frozen in his spot, so she takes a detour first.
With him sitting down, their height difference isn't as noticeable. She places a hand on one cheek, and presses a kiss into his temple. She leans back a bit so she can make eye contact, and mouths to him: Breathe.
He nods, then inhales and exhales deeply before getting to his feet.
The three of them finally settle at the table in tense silence. Nobody eats. But Annie is closer to Jeff now, and is able to take his hand; he laces his fingers between hers. Marilyn looks at Jeff patiently, but also a little apprehensively, while he maintains steady eye contact with his wine glass. Annie can't help but feel that holding hands with Jeff is the only thing reminding him she's here.
"Okay, there's just... I don't know where to start," Jeff admits.
Marilyn nods. "Why don't you start with the school? What are you doing there?"
Jeff sighs heavily. "Replacing my Bachelor's."
"What happened to your Bachelor's?"
"I... never got one."
His mom raises her eyebrows. "You went to college."
He shakes his head. "I didn't graduate."
"You..." Marilyn breathes out, then clears her throat. "Okay. Why not?"
Jeff closes his eyes. "Because I didn't want to put the effort into actually doing the work, and as the classes got harder, it got harder to manipulate things and coast my way through. I failed out in Junior year."
Marilyn sets her wine glass down. Her face is calm, but Annie can see the hurt in her eyes. "That was a long time ago."
He nods.
"What, thirteen years?"
"Something like that."
His mom tries to conceal the pain on her face by taking another sip of wine. "And then what did you do?" she asks.
"I don't know, I bounced around a lot. I had a lot of different jobs, never for very long." He glances at Annie. "I had tried out for The Real World, but that didn't go well."
Despite everything, she cracks a smile, and is temporarily heartened to see Jeff do the same.
But it just as quickly disappears and he looks miserable again. "After a while, I got tired of doing that, and figured out I could talk my way into getting high-paying positions I was in no way qualified for. Eventually, I, um... set my sights even higher, and decided to become a lawyer. I actually did work for Ted for a few years."
Marilyn is shaking her head, her eyebrows knitted together. "I don't understand. How did you... what about the LSATs? And law school?"
"Cheated. And lied."
"But- I don't-" she stutters, visibly getting frustrated. "What about the Bar? What about your job interview? And references?"
"Cheated, and lied. It's kind of my thing," Jeff says, slipping into defense mode again. "Do you really want the specifics?"
There are tears forming in Marilyn's eyes. "No, I just... I..." She sighs.
Annie feels for her; this is a lot of information to take in all at once. She didn't even know some of this herself until now.
"How long have you been at Greendale?"
He finishes his glass of wine before answering. "This is my third year."
"Thi...? Okay. Okay," she says, but her voice is strained. She laughs, suddenly, harshly and dryly. "So when I saw you last Christmas-"
"Yeah."
"And the firm's 'restructuring'? Placing you on a 'new team'? Who-"
"My study group."
Marilyn exhales shakily. "But your stories about them-"
"Embellishment."
"And all the cases you guys have-"
"Lies."
Her eyes suddenly widen. "Columbia? You talked about it SO much, it-"
"Lies!" Jeff snaps. "All of it, okay?! What the hell do you want me to say?!"
Marilyn clamps a hand over her mouth, stifling a sob. She excuses herself in a whisper before pushing back her chair and quickly walking to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
Jeff hits his forehead against the table and leaves it there. "Fuck."
Annie has no idea what possesses her to do what she does next. Maybe it's the fact that her heart is breaking, both for Jeff and for his mom. Maybe it's the fact that she never got the chance to repair things with her own parents. Whatever it is, she gives Jeff's hand a squeeze before letting it go.
Jeff turns his head (still on the table) to look at her. She's not sure she's ever seen him in so much agony, and it only serves to strengthen her resolve. She doesn't explain, she just stands up and heads to the bathroom before she loses her nerve.
Faced with the bathroom door, she takes a deep breath. She knows she's over-stepping her bounds, and should not be doing this, but she knocks anyway. "Marilyn?" she calls softly. "It's Annie."
The handle turns, and the door unlatches. Annie gently pushes it open to see Marilyn sitting on the edge of the tub, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She eases herself onto the tub next to her.
Annie doesn't allow herself time to think; she just talks. "Jeff didn't mean to snap like that."
Marilyn sighs heavily.
"And I know this probably isn't any consolation, but he feels really horrible about everything."
"Oh, Annie, I don't want him to feel horrible, I just..." she sighs again, staring at the floor. "You know, when my friend Debbie told me about her husband, I couldn't help but think that she was just too trusting. Too naïve. I mean, how could she NOT KNOW, through all these years, that Rob was lying to her face?" She laughs again, wretchedly. "And then it turns out that my own son. For THIRTEEN years. I..."
Annie hands her another tissue.
"Why?" Marilyn asks, a hint of desperation in her voice. "Why would he do this? Did I do something to-"
Annie shakes her head. "No, no, I'm sure it wasn't you! I mean, I can't sit here and claim I have Jeff completely figured out, but he... he loves you. I know that. And he just... couldn't tell you that he failed. He couldn't handle disappointing you. And then I'm sure it just slowly spiralled from there."
Marilyn takes a shaky breath, in and out. "Thirteen. Years. Almost everything he's said... I don't even know who he is! He's my own son, and he's a complete stranger!"
Okay, THIS Annie can help with. "Well, I can only speak to the last three and half years. But, Jeff..." she trails off. How can she sum up JEFF? "Jeff is... my best friend."
The older woman allows a small, watery smile. "I'm glad to hear that." Then she frowns again. "But cheating, and lying, and manipulating... it's just, that's... what his father did best."
Annie tries to swallow the lump in her throat. "He doesn't really talk about his father," she says quietly.
Marilyn shakes her head. "No, I wouldn't expect he would. I loved Bill, once," she says, the misery etched across her face. "But I don't think he ever really loved us. He caused a lot of pain. And I know I wasn't a perfect mother, especially when Bill was around, but I TRIED. I tried SO HARD to... and to think of Jeff turning out just like him, I..."
"He's not," Annie insists. "Jeff is a good person."
A few tears fall. "Is he?"
"Yes," Annie assures her. "I mean, yes, he's charming, and he's handsome, and he knows that. And he's definitely... used that to his advantage. I can't even say that he's never caused any pain, but it's never intentional."
Marilyn sighs.
"But he's also witty, and sweet, and caring, and insanely protective of me and our friends. Like, ridiculously so."
"Your friends. The um, the study group?"
Annie smiles and nods. "I can't even count the number of times he's stood up for one of us. Or gone out of his way for us. I mean, sure, he drives us crazy sometimes, but we all do. The seven of us are, well... we're pretty much a family."
Her tears are slowing now. "I'm glad he has that. He's always been sociable, but really making connections with people seemed... harder for him."
"It still is, I think. But even in the three years that I've known Jeff, he's changed a lot."
Marilyn shakes her head. "I just... I want him to be happy. And I want to know who he is."
Annie feels the slightest twinge of discomfort at this, but she has no idea why, and more important things to focus on. "To be honest, I don't think Jeff has quite figured out who he is yet, either. But he's working on it."
"Hmm."
They sit in silence for a minute. Annie watches Marilyn think, and can see the pain gently ease out of her expression.
"I suppose..." she says slowly. "That I'm not going to get to know him any better hiding out in the bathroom, am I?"
Annie smiles at her. "Probably not."
Marilyn returns her smile. "You love him, don't you?"
"Yes," Annie answers automatically. But she would say the same about anyone in the group.
Marilyn pats her hand gratefully. "I'm very sorry to put all this on you, dear. I wish we could have met under happier circumstances, but I'm so glad you're here."
She blushes, embarrassed at the acknowledgement.
"And I would love to hear some actual stories about your friends."
Annie smiles and stands up. "We do have some unbelievable ones."
Marilyn joins her after disposing of her tissues and checking her reflection in the mirror. Then she gives Annie a quick hug and thanks her, and Annie feels that uncomfortable twinge again.
Guilt. It must be guilt. Here she is, being dishonest, while consoling Marilyn about Jeff being dishonest. But as she follows Marilyn out of the bathroom, she silently replays her side of the conversation, and can't find a word of a lie. Yet the discomfort lingers, a tiny little splinter in the back of her mind.
Jeff looks up from the table as they come back in, his eyes almost immediately going to Annie's. She nods, trying to tell him that it's okay. The two women retake their seats on either side of him.
Jeff clears his throat. "I never actually apologized, did I?" he asks his mom.
She shakes her head, but she doesn't look upset.
"I'm really sorry. For... all of it."
Marilyn sighs. "I know you are."
"...But?"
"But I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. I want to know what's going on in your life, good and bad."
Jeff nods thoughtfully. "I'm seeing a therapist."
Marilyn raises her eyebrows. "Because of B-"
"He's certainly part of it. But that's not- I mean, I can't blame him for-" Jeff stops and clears his throat. "Believe it or not, I actually thought I was sparing you pain, not... um, you know. But I know I screwed things up pretty fantastically, so I am sorry."
There's a moment of silence, but Marilyn is smiling. "I forgive you, Jeffrey."
The little splinter of guilt in Annie's mind becomes a tiny bit bigger.
He raises his eyebrows. "Really?"
She nods.
"Just like that?"
"Well, I'm sure I'm not completely over it, but I don't want to sit here being angry with you all night. We have a lot of catching up to do," she says, unstacking the smaller bowls in front of her and serving the salad.
"We- yeah, okay," Jeff stutters. He turns to Annie, looking both awestruck and extremely curious.
There's something in his expression that makes Annie blush. After all, she really didn't do anything, she didn't go in there with some grand scheme to salvage the evening, she just... talked.
"So tell me," Marilyn says, handing them each a bowl. "How did you two actually meet?"
"Oh, um..." Jeff starts, sneaking a glance at Annie. "Well, in the study group."
Marilyn rolls her eyes. "That's a terrible story."
Annie stifles a giggle as Jeff shoots her a look.
"You're not going to like the actual story, mom."
"Jeffrey, what did I JUST say?"
"Right, sorry. Okay, fine. The study group started because I lied about having a study group in order to hit on a girl. This girl knew exactly what I was up to, so she invited five other people."
"This girl being...?"
"Our friend, Britta."
"Brita? Like the water filter?"
"But with two T's," Annie clarifies, sharing a smile with Jeff.
"Oh that's right, you've mentioned her before. All right, so you met Annie because... hmm. I guess you're right, that's not a very nice story."
They all laugh at that, which helps to diffuse some of the built-up tension. Annie starts to relax a bit, until Marilyn asks her next question.
"But you didn't start dating right away, did you?"
Uh oh.
"No," Jeff answers casually. "We were friends for almost a year before that happened."
Annie is extremely glad Jeff seems to have a handle on this. Because she has no idea what she'd say. Maybe Marilyn will let Jeff off the hook.
"And...?"
Or not.
"And... then I asked her out."
Uh oh...
Marilyn puts her fork down. "Jeffrey. You were friends for almost a year and then you just... asked her out?"
Annie can hear the doubt in that question, and tries to stay calm as her heart picks up speed.
"Well, basically."
"Come on, this must be a better story than how you met."
"You'd think so, but it's really not."
"Jeffrey..."
"All right, sorry, I'm new at this." Jeff takes a deep breath, and steals another glance at Annie. He's about to speak when he does a double-take, and looks at her again.
Annie's heart is absolutely pounding, and that look on his face isn't helping. What the hell is he going to say?
Jeff turns back to his mom. "Okay, so Michelle and I dated... briefly... in the spring of our first year. And after we broke up, I kind of had a... fling... with Britta. Annie, meanwhile, was dating, well, someone else."
"Sounds complicated."
"Yeah, that's an understatement. Anyway, it all kind of came to a head near the end of the year, at the Tranny Dance."
Marilyn almost chokes on a piece of lettuce. "I'm sorry, the WHAT?"
"Transfer Dance," Annie jumps in to explain without thinking. "Dean Pelton is a little..." She has no idea how to finish that sentence, and looks to Jeff for help.
He looks equally at a loss. "Special?" he suggests.
"Unique?" Annie tries.
Jeff nods. "Unique does describe him. Sorry, mom, I forget sometimes that Greendale is its own little world."
Marilyn shakes her head, but she's smiling. "One that I'd like to know."
"See, you say that now, but-"
"Jeffrey."
"Right! Sorry. Where was I?"
"At the Tranny Dance, apparently."
The mention of the dance again causes Annie's heart to jump into her throat. She knows that Jeff is just taking Abed's advice, and keeping the lie as close to the truth as possible. But they never talked about this. And not even just in the sense that they didn't plan this story, but they've NEVER really talked about this. Aside from the very brief post-kiss please-don't-tell-anyone-because-they'll-murder-me discussion, and Annie's revelation to the group that fall, they've never mentioned it.
...Because it didn't mean anything.
"Right. So, sometime before the dance," Jeff continues. "Michelle got it into her head that she wanted me back. Which was a terrible idea, and was never going to happen, but she tried. And her trying caused Britta to get... competitive, I guess. And that just made Michelle more competitive. At least, that's what I've been told, none of this made sense to me at the time."
"Hmm. And where was Annie through all of this?"
"She was preparing to leave town. Actually, she had just left town when Britta and Michelle both decided to up their game, and tell me that they loved me."
Marilyn looks appropriately shocked. "They BOTH said-?"
"Declared, really. In front of a gym full of people."
"So what did you do?"
"I ran away."
The déjà vu hits Annie like a brick. Suddenly, she's right there again, in the courtyard outside the dance. She's not sure why this is making her so nervous, but she's sure it's starting to show. Annie stares intently at her salad, hoping that Marilyn is distracted enough by Jeff's story not to notice her distress.
"...when I bumped into Annie," Jeff is in the middle of saying when she forces herself to tune back in.
"I thought Annie had left."
"She had; but luckily for me she changed her mind and decided to come back."
"Why were you thinking of leaving, dear?"
Annie is startled to be addressed directly. She was quite content to sit this conversation out. "Um, my boyfriend at the time was transferring to another state. I had the spontaneous and ill-conceived notion that I'd go with him." Wait a minute, why did Jeff leave that part out?
Marilyn smiles. "Sounds like quite the love... polygon."
Jeff smirks. "Not really. I was never actually serious about either Michelle, or Britta."
Okay, that doesn't mean anything. It confirms absolutely nothing. He's just embellishing.
"Although, I can't really speak for how Annie felt about, umm..."
Um? "Vaughn," she supplies for him.
Jeff shoots her a look again. "Yes, I know."
That was strange, why wouldn't Jeff even say his name?
"So then what happened?" Marilyn asks.
"Well... Annie kissed me."
"Hey!" Annie finds herself protesting. "You kissed me right back."
"I'm not denying that," he says with a chuckle. Then he points a finger at her. "But you started it. I still don't really know why."
Annie blushes. "Well, I think it'd be obvious by now, but I kind of had feelings for you." Oh, crap. That's not why, is it? No, it didn't mean anything! Oh god, he's still looking at me.
"So, you kissed at the... Tranny Dance... and then you asked her out?" Marilyn prompts.
Jeff looks thoughtful for a second. "Not exactly. It took me, what, another month?" he asks Annie. "To, um, to sort myself out and admit I had feelings for her, too." He's still looking at Annie.
Okay, that's just a blatant lie. And none of this tells me any more about why he picked me to be his fake girlfriend. But she manages to smile at him. "Something like that."
His expression changes a bit. He looks almost... apologetic.
Marilyn stands up to collect the salad bowls. "Well, that's obviously only half the story."
Jeff swallows. "Is it?"
"Yes! When did you start having feelings for her? They didn't just spring up after two other women declared their love for you."
"Well... no, I guess that's true," Jeff says, looking a tiny bit panicked. But Marilyn's back is to them now, so hopefully she doesn't see it. "I'm not sure I can pinpoint the exact moment for you, though."
She rolls her eyes as she returns to the table. "Honestly, Jeffrey, this is like pulling teeth. You must have SOME idea."
He clears his throat. "I can't tell you when I started feeling... differently about Annie, but, um... I can tell you when I first realized it."
Marilyn gestures for him to go ahead. Annie's heart is pounding in her ears again.
"It was in the fall, actually, way before Michelle or Britta. Um, Annie and I were competing in a debate together."
Okay, of course he would use this story. Because it's easy to embellish, not because it's true.
"I didn't even care about the stupid thing until our opponent was an asshole to Annie."
That's... kind of true.
"And then we were preparing together," Jeff continues. "And... I don't know, something happened. I mean, Annie quite literally took her hair down, and it just... hit me."
Exaggeration.
"And as it turned out, to win the debate, Annie had to kiss me. And it was... ahem, well, I certainly didn't complain."
It was strategic and joyless.
Marilyn is shaking her head. "I'm not even going to ask what you were debating about."
"Probably a good idea."
"So, this was in the fall, you said?" She nudges Jeff's elbow teasingly. "What took you so long?"
He shrugs. "To be honest, mom, I have no idea why Annie would ever agree to date me."
"Oh, Jeffrey."
"No, I'm completely serious. She's way too good for me, and I got tripped up on the age difference." His eyes suddenly widen. "Not that it bothered ME, but I was pretty sure our friends would kill me," he says quickly. "So, even though I knew I had feelings for her, I just... pushed them aside. I was denial about it for a long time."
Embellishing! And lies. That's all this is.
"Then there was the whole... Michelle, Britta, Annie's..."
Annie looks at him curiously. "Boyfriend."
"Yes, thank you," he says sarcastically. "So yeah, between Michelle, and Britta, and..."
Seriously, what is his problem? "Vaughn. His name is Vaughn."
"I know his name."
"Then why aren't you saying it?"
"I'm sorry, I don't like talking about your ex."
Okay, SERIOUSLY, because it kind of sounds like- "He STILL bothers you?"
Jeff scoffs at her.
"You know, you weren't exactly single when I was dating him."
"Yeah, but that didn't stop me from being insanely jealous the entire time," he says, then looks like he instantly regrets it.
That's not... he's just... playing this off really well. Right? That's not true... He might've been a little jealous at first, but he got over it... right? Because he doesn't actually have feelings for me.
"So, it was complicated," Marilyn interjects.
"Yes," Jeff agrees. "Like I said, that's an understatement." He looks right at Annie and then continues. "At one point... I may have even said that there wasn't anything between us at all. In front of all our friends."
Annie's entire body flushes. God, why would he bring that up?
"Jeffrey!" Marilyn scolds him. "Why on earth would you do that?"
"Well, as you might have noticed, mom, I'm not great with feelings," Jeff says, still looking at Annie.
But again, if he's trying to tell her something with just a look, Annie has no idea what it is.
"And, um... Annie kind of caught me off-guard by asking me what was going on with us in front of everyone."
Okay, this half-truth thing is starting to get annoying. Why is he talking about this? Why is he LOOKING at me like that?
"Even though I knew there obviously WAS something... going on between us, I was still in complete denial about it. I mean, I couldn't admit it to myself yet, let alone to Annie, let ALONE to all of our friends."
Annie is so, so confused. She has never been more confused about something in her entire life. There is absolutely NO REASON for Jeff to bring this up. It adds nothing to their fake relationship, and doesn't really paint either of them in a favorable light. And although he's talking to his mom, he's looking straight at Annie. Why would he do that?
I mean, unless... no. That can't be it.
"So I was a complete asshole instead, and panicked, and told her she was reading too much into things. When she wasn't. At all."
No. No, no, no, no, no, NO, dammit! None of this means anything. NONE of it. He's just lying, and doing a REALLY good job of it. So why is he looking at me like that? Why does he have to sound so damn sincere?!
"I don't think I ever apologized for that, either. But I am really sorry."
Annie has to break eye contact with him. Because he LOOKS like he's trying to tell her that he's ACTUALLY sorry. And that can't be right. If that's the case, then she really WASN'T reading too much into their interactions, which means... what, exactly? Ugh, maybe everyone was right, maybe this was a terrible, terrible idea...
The oven timer goes off, giving Annie a much-appreciated reason to leave the table. She excuses herself without responding to Jeff's apology, because she has NO idea how. When she was worrying earlier about improvising, she was worrying about screwing something up. It never occurred to her that JEFF improvising would be so hard to listen to.
As Annie pulls on oven mitts, she forces herself to take a deep breath, and to think this through.
Okay, let's say he's telling the truth: that he was in denial he had any feelings for me, so when I called him on it, he panicked and lied and said I was reading into things. That would mean that he's no longer in denial now.
But THAT would mean... he actually does have feelings for me.
Annie narrows her eyes as she carefully cuts up three pieces of the lasagna. The problem is that she has no way of knowing exactly what those feelings might be.
There's also the possibility that despite how genuine it seemed, he's just lying through his teeth. But why would he do that? Why bring it up at all unless he actually wanted to apologize?
Why does he have to be so INFURIATING?!
"All right, Jeffrey, tell me about Annie."
Annie freezes for a second, but recovers quickly, and continues what she's doing.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I hardly know anything about her. Other than what I've seen, which are all wonderful things, but I'd like to know more."
"No!" Jeff says with a laugh. "We keep talking about her like she's not right in front of us."
"Why, are there things you'd like to say that you don't want me to hear?" Annie asks over her shoulder, making sure to keep her tone light.
"Yes. You are the worst, and I hate you."
She cracks a smile in spite of herself. Damn him and his ability to make her do that.
"See, she's fine with it," Marilyn says brightly.
"All right, well..." Jeff clears his throat.
Annie moves as quietly as possible, a little desperate to make sure she doesn't miss anything he says.
"Annie is... passionate," Jeff starts, quietly. "And driven, and... unreasonably smart. She's the only reason I'm legitimately passing any of my classes this time. In fact, she's probably the only reason that anyone in our group is passing anything."
That's just an exaggeration.
"And I'm not exaggerating."
Great, now he can read my mind.
"Annie not only manages to ace all of her own classes, but she finds the time to be involved in... everything, and organize and tutor all of us, too. Even in classes she's not taking herself, I don't know how she does it."
I suppose that's mostly true.
"What else?" Marilyn asks.
"Well, we're opposites in some ways. She's idealistic, and sincere, and honest, and I'm... not."
See! There you go, he said it himself. He's. Not. Sincere.
"Umm... she's resilient, and she's strong, and she's obviously extremely patient and understanding."
...except when he is. Because he really REALLY sounds sincere right now. Ugh!
Annie picks up two of the plates and turns toward the table. Jeff is looking right at her, and she stops dead in her tracks.
"She also has an uncanny ability to see the good in everyone," he says, not breaking her gaze. "Including me, which is nothing short of a miracle, given everything I've done."
God.
Damn.
It.
Annie stays glued to her spot, looking back at him. She can already feel her irritation melting away. Because as good a liar as Jeff is, he's not THIS good. His voice, his face, his eyes, everything is telling her he's being genuine. And he's not cruel; he wouldn't have brought up the whole "Annie of it all" thing for no reason. The fact that he's STILL looking at her, a little anxiously, waiting for her reaction, confirms it for her.
He knows he hurt her, and he's trying to apologize.
She still has no idea what it all means, but it's SO hard to stay mad at him. Especially when he keeps looking at her like this. She offers a small smile, and a reassuring nod. He smiles back at her, visibly relieved.
As Annie serves Jeff and his mom their dinner, and then goes back to get her own, she scolds herself for slipping so easily into the WHAT DOES IT MEAN???? mindset. She had been doing such a good job, all day, of ignoring those kind of thoughts. She doesn't want to ruin dinner by acting all weird and distant.
Half-truths, almost-truths, genuineness within deception, it's all too complicated for Annie to work out right at this second.
But it doesn't matter, because she's doing this for Jeff. To be here for him, and support him, and be his friend.
Remember? THAT'S why you are doing this. So, stop it.
As they eat, Jeff and Annie take turns telling stories about the group. Annie finds that Abed was right, it's easy to just talk about the things they actually did, and not worry they're going to slip up and contradict themselves later. She doesn't even embellish that much, and for certain stories (like the whole night school conspiracy thing, which earns Jeff a reproachful look from Marilyn), she doesn't exaggerate at all. She can't help but notice that Jeff doesn't change many details in his accounts, either.
The dinner ends up actually being pretty pleasant. Marilyn looks utterly delighted to be sharing in her son's life. But as glad as Annie is that things are going smoothly, that splinter of guilt steadily works it way further and further into her mind as the evening progresses.
The food has long since been eaten and they've started a game of Gin Rummy when Annie hears her phone ring by the front door. She makes the mistake of turning to look toward it.
"Agh!" she yelps, grabbing her neck.
"Holy crap, is that STILL bothering you?" Jeff asks.
"Yeah, I made the mistake of looking left."
He shakes his head at her, then reaches over, rests his hand on her shoulder, and gently starts kneading his fingers into her skin.
Annie's eyes flutter close of their own volition. She knows (she KNOWS) that the reason this feels SO AMAZING isn't just that her neck is sore. She knows, in the back of her mind, that it has something to do with the person who is attached to the strong fingers currently encouraging her tense muscles to relax. But it doesn't matter. It feels SO GOOD, and Annie is going to let herself enjoy it, for once, while she can.
She opens her eyes and is met with that affectionate smile she's only ever seen from Jeff. It causes such a cozy warmth to spread in her that she decides to screw what it means, and enjoy this too. She smiles back.
(Neither of them notice Marilyn raise her phone, point it at them, and then lower it again.)
Annie's phone starts ringing a second time, and she remembers not to turn her head. She's planning on ignoring it, but then Jeff's phone rings, which is (of course) in his pocket.
He looks at it, shaking his head. "What's up, Abed?" he asks, answering it. "What? Yeah, she's right here." He shrugs and passes the phone to Annie. "Must be important."
Annie takes the phone from him, mouthing Sorry! to Marilyn. "Abed?"
"Annie, I realize you're probably busy, but can you come home?"
"What? Why? What's going on?"
"Troy is having a bit of an emotional breakdown."
"A bit- what? Okay, what happened?"
"Hmm, I'm not sure, he won't come out of the Dreamatorium. I don't think I'm helping."
Annie sighs. "All right, can I call you right back?"
"Okay."
Annie hangs up and hands the phone back to Jeff. "Apparently Troy is completely freaking out about something."
"Do you want me to drive you over there?"
"Oh, no, I don't want to run out on-"
"Don't be silly, dear," Marilyn says. "If your kindness and patience are needed elsewhere, we won't keep you all to ourselves."
Annie blushes bright red, but forces herself to look to Jeff. She promised she'd be here for him, she's not just going to leave.
"Besides, I'm actually quite exhausted," Marilyn continues. "And Debbie and I have some early appointments tomorrow. Why don't we just call it a night?"
Jeff raises his eyebrows. "Well, obviously we can if you want to, mom. But I think I can handle this without having Annie here now, if you'd like to stay."
Marilyn chuckles. "Are you sure about that?"
"Not even a little bit."
The prospect of the night coming to an end suddenly hits Annie. It causes a really weird mix of pride that they pulled it all off, frustration that she couldn't stay in control of her thoughts, sadness that it's actually ending, and that always present, increasingly troublesome, needling, nagging guilt.
"I had a good time this evening," Marilyn says with a smile. "But my brain is tired, I don't think I can absorb any more information."
"Fair enough."
So it's done. We did it.
They gather their things and put on their coats and shoes in relative (but comfortable) silence. Annie also suddenly feels drained, even though the drama is probably far from over. She has no idea what to expect when she gets home, but she gives Abed a quick call to tell him she's on her way.
Annie insists on sitting in the backseat, because she's being dropped off first. She closes her eyes, leans her head back, and listens to the sound of Jeff's and Marilyn's voices, since she can't really hear what they're saying.
Once they reach Annie's, Jeff walks her up to the front door of the building. Then they stop and face each other.
Jeff smiles at her. "I would say thanks, but that sounds... ridiculous."
Annie shakes her head, smiling back at him.
"But, thanks. I quite literally could not have done this without you."
It's a sincere statement, but an exaggeration nonetheless. Annie brushes it off, still smiling. "You would've found a way."
Jeff shrugs. "Maybe." Then he sighs. "But I'm... really, really... REALLY glad... that I didn't have to do this without you."
She can't brush that one off.
And she doesn't want to.
As Jeff leans in, she knows what he's doing: his mom can see them from the car, and it's a good night kiss, so it's not-
His lips connect with hers, and her brain shuts off. All she can feel is the warmth of his hand when it comes up to rest on her cheek, the taste of wine mixed with the taste of Jeff, and the smell of his cologne filling her as she breathes in through her nose. He pulls away just enough to break contact and then immediately kisses her again, his lips pressing a little more insistently this time. Annie opens her mouth a bit, grabbing onto his coat and stretching up on her toes to lean into him. Now she can feel his body flush against the length of hers, and it's almost too much. His other hand finds the small of her back...
She pulls away from him before she loses control of herself completely. They're both breathing a bit heavily, trying to keep it together. He looks as overcome as she feels. But Annie is vaguely aware of the fact that kissing shouldn't be new to them, given the whole we're-supposed-to-have-been-in-a-relationship-for-a-year-and-a-half thing.
(And that this is the third time they've kissed today.)
So she forces a smile. "Well... good night!"
"Yeah, um, good night. Good luck with Troy."
"Thanks," Annie says, quickly retreating into her building before she gives into the urge to kiss him again.
She stops halfway up the stairs, her head spinning.
Annie can't help Troy if she's hung up on Jeff. And there's just SO MUCH about Jeff, and today, and tonight, to be hung up on. There's no way she'll be able to work it out in the next one and half flights.
So she needs to put it away, all of it: the truth, the lies, the in-bewteens, the looks, the hand holding, the compliments, the kissing... oh god, the kissing... NO. It's all going away, shoved into the back corner of her mind, where it can keep that still-growing splinter of guilt company. She can worry about the Jeff of it all tomorrow.
It's a good thing she does, because dealing with the Troy situation ends up taking the rest of her night, and some of the wee hours of the following morning. It takes a LONG time to get him out of the Dreamatorium, and even longer to get out of him what's wrong.
Finally, Annie pieces together that Troy had an EPIC blow out with Britta today, but she can't get him to explain why in a way that makes any sense. Something about Britta's car, a bunch of references to a "HIM" that Troy refuses to elaborate on, and maybe something about one of Britta's cats? Annie has no idea what he means. She spends her time intermittently trying to coax Troy out of the Dreamatorium and decipher his gibberish. Eventually all she can do is reassure him things will be fine (which might be a lie, because she still doesn't know what the problem is), and try to keep him calm.
It's after 1:00am when Troy finally falls asleep and Annie collapses on her bed, completely exhausted. She musters enough energy to roll over and reach for her phone, and sees a text from Jeff. It simply says:
Thanks again
Annie lets her phone drop onto the covers. She's not sure what to say to that, but it's too late to reply anyway. She's tired of thinking, she's tired of being confused, and she's really really tired of trying to figure out the meaning of things.
They each met their objectives: Jeff convinced Marilyn that Annie is his girlfriend, and Annie was able to help him get through the night.
For now, that's enough.
Chapter 4!