Fanfic: Advanced Genealogy (2/4)

[canadianiana]

Title: Advanced Genealogy (chapter 2/4)
Author: Canadianiana
Spoilers: I don't think there's any, but we'll say up to the hiatus just to be sure.
Ratings/warnings: PG-13? A bit of swearing, nothing scandalous.
Summary: From a ficcy Friday prompt from tilie12, in which Jeff's mother shows up at Greendale unannounced, expecting to meet the girlfriend Jeff told her he had, named Annie. I won't give away the rest.
Word count: 7300 this chapter (11,800 so far)
Disclaimer: I own nothing - just a fan.
Author's note: Chapter 2! Thanks so much for everyone's comments! An alternate title for this chapter could be: Jeff and Annie Get Domestic. Also, if you haven't seen the movie Zoolander, there's a tiny part of this that won't make much sense, and for that, I apologize.


Chapter 2: Theories and Practical Applications

Annie wakes up, stiff and groggy. As her eyes adjust to the dim morning light streaming into the blanket fort, she sees that they all passed out pretty much where they were. She can't really move, which is weird... until she realizes that Jeff's arms are tightly wrapped around her.

She sucks in a squeak of surprise. She's pressed against his side, her head turned into his shoulder. Oh god. If everyone sees us like this, we'll never hear the end of it. Annie wiggles her body a bit, trying to get free. Then she moves her head and cries out at the pain that shoots through her neck.

Everyone is instantly awake.

Luckily, that includes Jeff, and he quickly drops his arms before anyone seems to notice.

"What was that? Are we getting attacked by a Frankenstein?" Troy asks.

"Frankenstein is the scientist, not the monster, Troy," Abed sleepily corrects him.

"Everything's fine," Annie tries to assure them.

"Mmmm, what time is it?" Britta mumbles. Annie notices then, for the first time, that she's basically cuddling with Troy too. Britta makes eye contact with her and hastily sits up straight.

Jeff squints at his phone. "It's 7:30am."

There's a collective groan, and complaints from Shirley and Pierce about being too old and delicate to sleep on the floor, as everyone slowly gets up.

Annie starts to move and inhales sharply.

Jeff nudges her. "You okay?"

She nods, rubbing at the stiff muscles in her neck. "Just slept funny."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"It's okay, I..." Annie cuts herself off before she says something stupid. Something stupid like, I liked cuddling up with you.

"Ooh, everything is so pretty outside!" Shirley exclaims from over by the window.

"I just called the school. They've closed down because of the weather," Abed informs everyone.

The news gives them all time to sort out what they'll be doing for the day. Pierce calls up a chaffeur service that he uses sometimes; he offers Shirley a ride home as well, which she begrudgingly accepts. Troy decides to walk with Britta back to campus to retrieve her car, leaving Jeff and Annie with Abed.

After everyone else has left, the remaining three silently collapse the extended part of the fort and put the furniture back. Annie is preoccupied with having "slept with" Jeff, and Jeff (she imagines) is preoccupied with this coming evening. And Abed just doesn't mind the silence.

Their task completed, the two boys sit at the dining room table while Annie makes them all some tea. Every time she turns her head, she can't stop a pained noise from escaping. It's not just her neck, either, her whole body is protesting yesterday's events. She finally collapses into a chair next to Jeff and sighs.

"So, Abed," Jeff says, staring into his mug. "This is a classic sitcom ruse, is that what you called it?"

"Yep. Characters pretending to be other characters' significant others happens more than you'd think. There's different reasons for it, but usually it boils down to someone trying to save face."

"Hmm. Does it ever work?"

Abed tilts his head, thinking. "It depends on the objective, I guess."

"Okay, well, my objective is to convince my mom that Annie is my girlfriend, do you think we can pull it off?"

"Probably. You guys have a good foundation for a relationship: you spend a fair amount of time together, you get along well, you're obviously attracted to each other."

Annie coughs, inhaling some of her tea. She avoids looking at either of them as she tries to clear her throat, and not choke. (She doesn't notice Jeff's hand move towards her slightly.)

Abed apparently decides to ignore her reaction. "I don't think you need to worry about how to act around each other, it's the details that might cause suspicion, if anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think the tendency is to over-plan, and work out every single detail of the relationship. But you'll never remember all of that if it isn't true. The easiest way of convincing someone of a lie is to have it be as close to the truth as possible. You should know that, Jeff. The details aren't actually hard to fake, as long as you guys agree upon a few important things, like an anniversary date. The other things should just come out naturally."

Annie thinks about what Abed is saying, and it makes her nervous. She had definitely been planning on working out their entire almost-two-year-long fake relationship. "So what, we just improv?" she asks, her voice higher than she wants it to be.

"Exactly. You don't have to make up whole scenarios involving the two of you. Just talk about things you've actually done, and embellish them. Try to think of past events using a shipper lens."

Jeff frowns. "I'm sorry, a what now?"

"Fans that really want a certain pairing of characters to get together are called 'shippers'. They tend to put a relationship-y spin on all of the interactions between those two people."

Annie shifts uncomfortably in her chair. Her mind instantly jumps to last year, when she apparently made that same mistake. Jeff had called her out in front of everyone for reading too much into their interactions, and now Abed is telling them to do just that.

Jeff must sense how she's feeling, because he reminds her, "You don't have to do this."

Annie forces herself to look at him. His eyes are full of apprehension, and for some reason that makes her feel a bit better. She smiles at him reassuringly. "I know."

"All right, well..." Jeff starts, draining the last of his tea. "I should go get my car. And see if any restaurants are actually open today."

"Cool. Cool cool cool."

Then he looks at Annie with an expression she can't read. Usually she's good at that, especially with Jeff. This look, though, she hasn't a clue. Fear? No, that can't be right.

"I'll call you in a bit, okay?" he finally asks her.

She nods, and is proud of herself for not jumping straight out of her chair when Jeff stands and casually places a kiss on the top of her head. It's not weird that he does that, though, which... is weird.

"Just practicing," Jeff says in response to a question no one asked. Then he (rather quickly) grabs his coat and scarf on his way out, the door shutting loudly behind him.

Annie stares intently at the dregs of her tea. "Abed?"

"Yep."

"Is this a bad idea?"

"That depends. I know Jeff's reason for doing this, but what's yours?"

Annie thinks for a second: why IS she doing this? "I just want to help Jeff get through the evening. I just want to... be his friend, and support him."

Abed nods. "Then it's not a bad idea. You're in a unique position to do that."

She narrows her eyes at him, confused. "Why is that?"

He shrugs. "Jeff has a hard time keeping his guard up around you. The unexpected arrival of his mother has undoubtedly put him in a vulnerable position. And normally, Jeff wouldn't allow anyone to see him like that. He definitely wouldn't be okay with any of the rest of us being there tonight. But he wants you there. For whatever reason, you're different."

Annie can only "hmm" in response. She nods when Abed tells her that he's going to go shower, and remembers to thank him when he collects the three mugs from the table and takes them to the kitchen. She knows that Abed is right; Jeff does act differently around her, and his normal social rules don't seem to apply with them. Her.

In the interest of not reading too much into things, Annie stops herself from speculating as to WHY that might be the case. She focuses on getting up and doing the few dishes that need to be done instead. It's Abed's turn, but it gives her something productive to do. When she's finished with the dishes, she wipes down all of the counters, scrubbing hard, trying to use up her nervous energy.

Aftewards, she heads to her room to start the arduous task of figuring out what to wear. She frowns at the clothes in her closet, wondering if Jeff will make a reservation at a really nice place. She pulls out a few dresses, but instead of trying them on, she finds herself reaching for her phone, and then putting it down again. He said he would call her.

As if on cue, her phone rings.

She purposefully lets it ring a couple of times, and suddenly feels absurdly like a GIRL eagerly waiting for a call from a BOY while trying not to SEEM eager. Instead of, say, a friend calling a friend. Absurd. She picks up the phone. "Hey."

"I've fallen three times already, and I'm only halfway to campus," Jeff says, breathing heavily.

Annie smiles sympathetically. "I'm sorry. Still bad out?"

"Bout the same as yesterday. It's not as much fun alone, though."

Butterflies flutter in Annie's stomach at the pseudo-compliment. She silently tells them to go away. "Well, be careful. Don't get hit by a car or anything."

He huffs out a chuckle. "I'll try not to."

"Jeff! I'm serious."

"I know, I know, I'm being careful. The power seems to be out in a lot of places, though, I don't know if we'll be able to make a reservation anywhere."

Annie thinks for a second. "Well, we could... just have dinner at your place. I have an easy lasagna recipe I could make."

"Hmm."

She closes her eyes, anxiously listening to him breathe into the phone for a few seconds.

"Yeah, we could do that... I mean, I first told my mom that we were dating about... a year and a half ago. Is it weird that we wouldn't be living together yet?"

A voice in the back of Annie's mind tries to tell her something, but she ignores it so she can focus on Jeff's question. "Um, I don't know," she answers honestly. "I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to relationships."

"You think I am? My last 'relationship' lasted all of a month. Two months? I don't even remember."

"Hey, mine lasted all of four months before my hippie boyfriend decided to seek hacky sack fame in Delaware." Holy crap, when she says it like that, it sounds RIDICULOUS.

Jeff doesn't reply, and she pictures him stifling a smile.

"It's okay, you can laugh, I think that's the most ridiculous sentence I've ever said."

He breaks into laughter, and Annie can't help but join him. Vaughn seems like a very long time ago. They laugh together over the phone for a minute, and then Annie takes a deep breath to regain her composure. She hears Jeff do the same.

"It's okay," she says, still chuckling a bit. "It's like Abed said, we shouldn't get bogged down in the details."

"Right. Okay. So, dinner at my place. Well... I'm getting closer to campus, and it'll take me a little while to chip through the ice on my car, I'm sure, but, umm... when I'm done that... do you want me to come back and pick you up?"

"Oh!" Annie exclaims, unable to hide her surprise.

"I mean, I know it's early still, and Abed said we shouldn't over-plan, but-"

"No, no, I think that's a good idea," she interrupts. "I mean, I said that you've told me a lot about your mom, so you should... probably tell me some things about her." Her heart is pounding. She was kind of nervous about going out to dinner with Jeff and his mom. Then she was pretty nervous about being at his place with his mom, even though it was her idea. Now she's going to be spending the entire day, and evening, alone with Jeff. In his apartment. Pretending to be his girlfriend. Seriously, what the HELL is she doing??? "Just, um, call me before you come. I still have to shower."

"Okay, I- whoa, AH, godDAMN it."

"Jeff! Did you fall again?"

"No," he says, his voice strained. "What gave you that idea?"

Annie tsks at him. "You know, I thought you were holding ME up yesterday, but I think I was actually holding YOU up."

"Well, I hate to say I told you so."

"No, you don't!" Annie says with a laugh.

"That's... true."

She sighs. "I should've come with you this morning."

Jeff doesn't answer for a minute, and she can hear clothes rustling, and the wind blowing into the phone. Then Jeff's voice returns. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Of course!"

"Why?"

"Because, then maybe you could've actually stayed upright."

"No, no, not that. Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?"

Annie's earlier response to Abed's version of this question is still on the tip of her tongue, so she goes with that. "You're my friend, Jeff, as long as you want my help, you'll have it."

Jeff sighs. Or maybe it's just a heavy breath. Or maybe he turned his head into the wind, Annie really can't tell. "Well... thanks," he says. "I should probably call my mom. I'll let you know when I get my car free."

"Okay. Good luck!"

"Yeah, thanks, I'm gonna need it."

Jeff hangs up, and Annie lowers her phone to her lap. She doesn't move for a minute, breathing in deeply, and trying to slow her racing heart.

I can do this. It's fine, I can do this. I said I would do it, and Jeff needs me to do it, so I can't NOT do it. I'm just gonna follow his lead, and be there for him, and remember why I'm doing this. It's going to be fine.

Then she stands up, determined. They're going to pull this off. They do make a good team, and they work well together. She picks up one of her dresses and holds it up to her shoulders in the mirror. A year and a half, we can fake that. That's not THAT long. That means Jeff told his mom we were dating...

The dress falls out of Annie's hands.

...the summer after our first year.

She stares at herself in the mirror.

That can't be right. Is that right?

She closes her eyes and counts the months backwards, sure that she has this wrong. But it's the winter of their third year, which means "a year and a half ago" lands squarely in their first summer.

In their first summer, after he'd slept with Britta, and her and Slater had declared their love for him. In their first summer, after he and Annie kissed. In their first summer, when he didn't talk to her.

For three months.

Annie's knees give out and she lands on her bed. She can't believe this. She can't believe she spent three whole months worrying, and wondering, and waiting to hear from him, and during that time he'd been telling his mom that she was his girlfriend.

She scrunches up her face in frustration.

Dammit, what does this mean? Does it mean anything? How can this NOT mean anything?

A knock at her door startles her. "Come in!"

Abed opens the door and leans in. "Bathroom's all yours."

"Thanks."

He looks at her for a second. "Everything okay?"

Annie forces a smile. "Yep."

"Cool."

Abed leaves, and Annie drags herself out of her bedroom to get ready. But she can't concentrate. She grabs her towel, and then looks for it for another three minutes. She washes her hair twice in the shower, then forgets to rinse it out the second time. She ends up stepping out of the tub with shampoo dripping down her back, and has to start the shower again.

Finally, she gets out and catches herself in the mirror. She looks terrified. And confused. And hurt.

And that... kind of pisses her off.

Annie gives her reflection a stern look. "A year and a half ago. It's been a year and a half, and it's STILL getting to you? It's not fair that he should have this much power over you. And it doesn't mean anything. He said it himself, Annie just sounded better than Britta. It has nothing to do with you. YOU just have a normal name."

That doesn't make Annie feel much better, but she'll take the anger over the confusion. She throws open the bathroom door and goes back to her room, quickly putting on jeans, a tank top, and a cardigan. She grabs the nearest dress to her and rolls it up to put in her purse; she can iron it at Jeff's.

She starts blow-drying her hair, but her room seems unbearably hot, so she opens her bedroom door before continuing. It's not until she's finished that she notices Abed in her doorway. She jumps. "Abed! You scared me."

"Sorry. Who are you talking to?"

"What?"

"You've been talking almost non-stop since you got out of the shower."

Annie's eyes widen. "Oh, umm... myself, I guess. I didn't realize I was talking."

Abed steps a little into her room. "You tend to use self-talk as a coping strategy. Is something wrong?"

She sighs and sits down on the edge of her bed. He comes in and sits next to her. "Abed, Jeff told me that... he started this lie in the summer after our first year at Greendale. Do you remember what happened at the end of our first year?"

"Yep. Jeff slept with Britta during the first paintball game, then she and Professor Slater got into a competition and declared their love for him at the Tranny Dance, then he kissed you."

"Exactly. Then he didn't talk to me for practically that entire summer."

"Hmm."

"So... why me? Why then? I mean, he could've told his mom he'd gotten back together with Slater. But he didn't. What does that mean?" Annie's eyebrows knit together. "Does it mean ANYTHING or am I reading too much into this?"

Abed tilts his head in his characteristic way of thinking. "Annie, as much as I observe and watch people and can predict their behaviors, the specific reasoning behind those behaviors is usually somewhat of a mystery to me."

"But... how can you predict the behaviors if you don't know why they're happening?"

"Well, take Star Burns for example. The lizard, the hat, the star burns: it's clearly a cry for attention. Since I know he's seeking attention, I know the pattern of behaviors he's likely to demonstrate. I don't need to know WHY he's seeking attention. The same goes for Jeff, I don't really know what's going on beneath the surface. Sure, logistically speaking, you were a good choice, but I doubt Jeff planned this whole thing out. Which means, at the very least, you were probably on his mind. People tend to talk about the things that they're thinking about."

Annie flushes, wondering what she's been saying out loud. But she takes his point. It's somewhat comforting to assume that Jeff was at least thinking about her that summer.

Abed places a hand over hers. "You're a good friend, Annie."

Annie smiles at him gratefully and squeezes his hand. "Thanks, Abed."

Her phone rings; it's Jeff again. Abed leaves silently, but Annie can't answer it yet. She has to make a decision about this: she won't be able to fully commit to this fake relationship ridiculousness if she's hung up all day on what it might mean. Either it means nothing, and she can just relax and get into it, or it might mean something, in which case, she probably shouldn't do it at all.

She thinks for too long, and her phone stops ringing.

But then it starts almost immediately again. Annie stares for a second at the Jeff on her call display. She thinks about answering the phone, and telling him that she can't do it, that she's backing out. She imagines how he would probably react, and remembers the look on his face in the study room. That stupid, heart-breaking look.

Then she makes up her mind, and picks up the phone. "Hi."

"Hi. So, we have two hundred and six bones, how many muscles do we have?"

Annie is impressed he remembers that fact. "Um, it depends on who you ask. Six hundred and fifty-ish. Why?"

"They're ALL pissed at me."

She smiles. "Yeah, I know the feeling. Did you get in your car at least?"

"Yeah, I'm just literally watching ice melt at the moment."

"Sounds like fun."

"About as much fun as this evening will be," Jeff says, a little bitterly.

"It'll be fine," Annie assures him. Now that she's made up her mind about this, she's absolutely determined. "I'm ready whenever you can get over here. It'll be fine."

There's a slight hesitation, but only a slight one. "All right, I'll take your word for it. As soon as I can see out my windshield, I'll come over."

Annie is satisfied with his answer and is about to say her goodbyes when Jeff continues.

"So, phalanges, metacarpals, carpals, radius and ulna. What's after that?"

She can't help but smile. "At the elbow joint? The humerus."

There's a rustling sound, and then Jeff sounds slightly farther away. "Is it the radius or the ulna that joins there?"

"Both. Did you put me on speaker or something?"

"I'm poking at my arm."

"Palpating," she corrects.

"There's a scientific term for poking at your arm?"

"Examing bones and joints through touch is called palpating, yes."

"Huh. Wait, how does that work? If both bones connect, how can I rotate my forearm?"

Annie rolls her eyes, even though he can't see her. "Hold your hand out with your palm up."

"Okay."

"Now with your other hand, hold onto your forearm."

"Okay."

"Flip your palm down."

"Wha- ohhh. The radius crosses over the ulna. Right?"

Annie is smiling brightly now, happy that her tutoring is effective, even over the phone. "Right. Now PALPATE your shoulder and tell me what's next."

They continue their lesson for the next few minutes, with Jeff picking things up quickly. Only once does Annie have to push away the VERY unhelpful image of her tracing over his ribs in colorful markers.

Eventually, Jeff deems his car able to drive and hangs up (at Annie's insistence) so he can head over and get her. Annie gathers her things and watches out the window for him. She can't help but agree with Shirley that everything being covered in ice makes for a pretty, if not strange, sight.

They fall into an easy conversation on the way back to Jeff's place, and Annie starts to relax, thinking that this won't be so bad. She was just over-reacting earlier. It's going to be fine.

There's only a moment of awkwardness when they first step into Jeff's apartment together, but Jeff manages to dispell it, by, strangely enough, pointing it out.

"Okay, we can't let this be awkward. I'm going to go shower, and you should look around."

"Right," Annie agrees. "I have to at least look like I know where things are."

"Exactly. Make yourself at home." Jeff takes off his shoes, hangs up his coat, and then he's gone.

And Annie is alone. She takes a minute to survey Jeff's apartment; she's been here before, but never for very long. She decides to take Jeff's advice, and make herself at home. The nervous energy she had earlier has been channeled into steely determination, and she hangs up her own coat before poking around.

She's immediately struck by how impersonal his place is. It's very clean, and tidy, and minimalist, but it's more than that. Annie doesn't see any pictures, or anything on the walls, really. He has a nice TV and DVD player, but there are exactly four DVDs stacked up. Annie recognizes all of them as being gifts from Abed.

Annie works her way into the kitchen. She finds his alcohol stash, filled mostly with scotch. The remaining contents of his cupboards don't really surprise her, but he does have some vegetables and other fresh food in the fridge. She pulls out her phone and makes a list of the things they'll need to get for her recipe.

Her stomach grumbles at the thought and sight of food; all they had for dinner last night was popcorn.

She taps her fingers thoughtfully against the fridge door for a second, then grabs eggs, milk, the small bit of cheese Jeff has left, a green pepper and half an onion. She roots around until she finds Jeff's only frying pan, a cutting board, a bowl, and a decently sharp knife, then she gets to work. She separates out the eggs, knowing his issues with cholesterol. She even manages to find a few spices.

His kitchen is small, but has a good amount of counter space. Nice, pretty, marble counter space. Annie gets a little lost in her task. She hears the shower turn off, and senses Jeff's presence a little while later, but she's busy, so she doesn't acknowledge him.

She turns and can see him out of the corner of her eye, leaning against the half wall at the end of the bar. After watching her for a few minutes (which doesn't bother Annie as much as she thought it would), he comes into the kitchen. Jeff places a hand on the small of her back as he steps around her, reaching into a drawer for a spoon. She ignores the goosebumps that raise on the back of her neck, and peeks at the underside of the omelet with her spatula.

Having only one pan has forced Annie to make one rather large omelet, which she'll split between them. Despite the size of the kitchen, Jeff being in there with her doesn't distract her, and she's able to focus on trying to flip the damn thing. When the bottom of it is a nice golden brown, Annie tilts the pan and carefully slides the omelet to the edge. She manages to flick her wrist and catch it in the pan, with one stubborn corner folding itself underneath. But she quickly fixes that and smiles proudly at the result.

She's only half aware of what Jeff's doing. She smells coffee, and hears dishes clattering, and catches the scent of his cologne every time he brushes by her. And it's a small kitchen, so that happens fairly often.

Her giant omelet creation finally complete, Annie divides it into two unequal pieces and carefully deposits them onto the plates that have appeared next to her. She picks up the larger piece and turns to hand the plate to Jeff, just as he turns to her with a mug.

He smiles. "Coffee?"

She smiles back. "Egg white omelet?"

He purses his lips. "I think you win that one."

Her smile widens as they make their exchange, and she grabs her own plate before coming around to sit next to Jeff at the bar counter. As strange as this situation is, the silence that hangs between them is a comfortable one, and Annie starts to actually look forward to hanging out with Jeff for the day.

"This is really good, Annie."

She smiles into her coffee. "Thanks, I figured we were hungry. I kind of forgot about dinner last night."

"Yeah, me too. How's your neck?"

"It's okay, as long as I don't look to the left."

"Hmm. Well, looking to the left is highly overrated."

"Yes! I agree. If I need to look to the left, I'll just turn around three times to right, like Zoolander."

Jeff smirks. "Well, you are ridiculously good looking."

Okay, movie quote or not, THAT was a compliment. But Annie determinedly brushes it off and gives Jeff her best Zoolander face.

He's in the middle of taking a sip of coffee when she does, and practically does a spit take, laughing as he sets down his mug.

They fall back into companionable silence while they finish eating. It's not until after they're done, when Jeff is loading things in the dishwasher, that he says to her, "I don't even know where to start."

Annie knows what he means. "Well... what does your mom do for a living?"

"Um, she's a real estate agent. She only works part-time now, though."

"How old is she?"

"Oh, um, she'll be sixty-three this year. I think."

Annie hands him her plate. "What does she like to do?"

"She reads a lot. She has a pretty tight-knit group of friends, they do... book club things, and... I don't know." Jeff thinks for a minute, rinsing off Annie's plate in the sink. "She likes to play cards, she likes crosswords. She used to spend a good amount of time volunteering in various places." He turns back to the dishwasher. "I don't know if she still does."

Annie smiles at him. "She sounds nice."

Jeff nods, but he's frowning now. Staring down. Thinking again.

They need a distraction. "We need to go grocery shopping," she tells him. "I made a list."

He looks up from the dishwasher and seems to snap himself out of it. "Of course you did," he says, allowing a small smile.

Annie hops down from the bar stool. "Come on, Clyde, let's go."

She grabs both of their coats as Jeff comes around the bar and out of the kitchen. "I think you've been watching too many movies with Abed, Bonnie," he says.

She rolls her eyes at him. "Hey, they were real people! And we ARE partners in crime."

"Fair enough. But I hope tonight doesn't end as badly for us as it did for them," he says, putting on his coat.

Annie looks up at him brightly, bouncing a bit on her toes. "Well, there you go, no matter how bad tonight is, at least it can't possibly be THAT bad."

Jeff smirks and opens the door for her. "Are you trying to make me feel better by saying: 'Hey, tonight might suck, but at least we won't get shot to death in a gruesome stand off'?"

"Yes. Is it working?"

"Surprisingly, yes," he says, closing the door behind them.

The drive to the grocery store is a short one, but on the way there they get into a light-hearted argument about Jeff's serious lack of cookware.

"Give me one good reason I should have more than one frying pan," Jeff challenges her as he parks the car and they cross the parking lot. The ice is starting to melt, so it's not as slippery as it was before. He holds his arm out for her anyway.

She happily accepts it. "Well, I could've used two this morning. Made each of us an omelet instead of one monster one."

"Yeah okay, but when am I ever going to be making two omelets?"

"Oh, come on. You NEVER have anyone else eating breakfast with you?"

"At my place? No."

Annie sighs at him. "So what, when you have women... over... you just kick them out right after... it's... over?" It's a little hard to get out, but she doesn't blush.

"What? No!"

"Right after they wake up in the morning, then?"

He doesn't answer.

"Ugh, Jeff!"

"Hey, I plead the fifth."

Annie is grateful for the warm blast of air that greets them as they enter the grocery store. "You honestly don't ever think about being in an actual relationship, do you?" She's just teasing him, but she can't ignore the intruding thought that, yes, this is EXACTLY true.

Jeff leans away from her to grab a basket, and mumbles something that Annie can't quite hear, but sounds suspiciously like: "Not with any of the women I've slept with."

"What?"

"Nothing," he says, turning back to her. "What do we need?"

Trying to avoid over-thinking is a struggle for Annie, she knows that. And at this moment, her determination is faltering. She desperately wants to believe she heard right, although she's not sure why. It's not exactly a good indication of Jeff's readiness for committment if he's never thought about being in a relationship with ANY of the women he's been with. But it also means he never seriously considered being in a relationship with Slater. Or Britta.

Oh crap, she's thinking about what things mean again. That's enough of that. Seriously. Why does she care, anyway?

Annie grabs her own basket, then pulls out her phone. "Let's start with red peppers."

She leads them through the produce, grabbing a few things (or instructing Jeff to) as they go. That is, until they have to find fresh parsley, which is hiding, or something. Annie sees it first while they're searching, and triumphantly claims a bag of it for her basket. It becomes an upspoken game between them. Racing - while trying to look like they're not racing - to find each item, and obviously, whoever has the most items at the end will win.

Jeff is slightly in the lead when they reach the pasta aisle, but then Annie spots the one remaining box of lasagna noodles they need. The only problem being that it's way at the back of the top shelf, and she can't reach it.

She jumps a couple of times, but it's no use. Jeff saunters around next to her and leans his shoulder against the edge of the shelf. Annie can FEEL the smirk on his face.

"Would you like some help?"

She puts down her basket, and straightens to her full height, such as it is. "No, thank you." She knows this isn't working, though, so Annie clears a small space on the bottom shelf and experimentally presses her foot into it. It seems solid enough to hold her, so she steps onto it and bounces up, not quite far enough on the first try, but on the second try- "Hey!"

Jeff grabs the box just before she can. "Oh, sorry, did you want this?" he asks, holding it over his head.

Annie turns and glares at him. He's just standing there, smirking at her, lording his height over her, with all his TALLNESS, like it's some kind of accomplishment. She doesn't take her eyes off his and makes a quick move, latching onto his bicep and pouncing at his hand. It almost works, but Jeff jerks his arm back, unintentionally pulling Annie into him.

In a flash of brilliance (insanity?) Annie sees her advantage, and presses a kiss to his lips.

Their arms fall to their sides, intertwined.

She's flooded with memories from a long time ago, in a gym full of people. Now, just like then, she's doing this for a reason, but, god, it's Jeff, it's JEFF, and he's kissing her back, and she's on her toes because of his stupid tallness, and she can't help but savor it for one second... okay, two seconds... THREE seconds longer than necessary before tearing away from him, snatching the box as she does.

Annie spins around to put the noodles in her basket and tries really, really hard to ignore the rush she's feeling. It's a good rush, though, and her spur-of-the-moment plan totally worked. She turns back to Jeff, smiling at him smugly.

His eyes are narrowed, and he's shaking a pointed finger at her, but he's fighting a smile. "That... was dirty pool."

She puts on her best innocent expression. "What? I was just practicing."

Before he can respond, they hear the distinct voice of someone all too familiar.

"Well! Isn't this a coinci-DEANce!"

Jeff groans and turns to see the dean standing almost directly behind him. "Gah!" he exclaims, flinching away and ending up next to Annie. "How long have you been standing there?"

The dean smiles at him in a way that can only mean: Oh please, Jeffrey, I saw EVERYTHING.

"It's not what you think," Annie tries to tell him.

"Mmhmm," the dean hums sarcastically. "So this has nothing to do with a certain less-than-real relationship a certain someone told someone's mother he has?"

"Oh. My. God. What did you do, just crouch outside the study room door?" Jeff asks, incredulous.

"Please," the dean scoffs at him, waving a dismissive hand. "I hardly ever do that anymore. Besides, your mother doesn't seem to be anywhere around here, Mr. Winger, so why, I wonder, just WHY might you be... locking lips with Miss Edison?"

Annie can see Jeff's jaw clench in frustration. But this was her fault, so she's going to fix it. And she knows just how to do it. "Look, I'm sorry to be rude, Dean Pelton, but you're kind of wrecking our take."

The dean gives her a suspicious look. "Take?"

"Yeah, you didn't think we were ACTUALLY faking being in relationship, did you?" Annie baits him, using her most condescending tone. (Which, because it's Annie, is really not all that condescending.)

"Well, no, of course not..." the dean says cautiously.

Got him. "Okay, so would you mind? Because Abed has a lot of other scenes for us to do."

Annie can see the wheels turning in his head. "Scenes? But Abed isn't here..."

"No, of course not. He's doing this whole cinematic realism thing with security cameras. It's like Paranormal Activity, but a love story instead of ghosts... or aliens, or whatever it is," she improvises.

The dean regards her for a minute, searching for any indication she might be lying.

But Annie totally has this. She stares him down, her eyebrows slightly raised, her face a perfect mask of innocence and seriously-you're-taking-up-our-time-would-you-mind?

Eventually, the dean sighs. "FINE. I guess that makes sense."

(It doesn't make sense, really, but Annie is convincing.)

"And I GUESS I should leave you to your ACTING," he pouts, brushing past Jeff.

They watch him leave, looking suspiciously over his shoulder for Abed's nonexistent cameras. Once he's out of sight, Annie proudly turns to Jeff. She's caught a little off-guard by the look on his face. It's another one that she can't label - seriously, what is WITH that today? - but the expression is soft, and almost a little searching, and it means... nothing. It means nothing. Absolutely. She picks up her basket and turns to continue their shopping.

Jeff grabs her arm. "Cinematic realism?"

She turns back to him with wide eyes. "What, no good?"

He shakes his head. "No, that was perfect, I just meant... where do you come up with this stuff?"

Annie shrugs, smiling. "I don't know. But someone has to fill in while the Winger Speech is apparently on vacation."

"Ouch."

"I'm sure it'll be back," she teases him. "Come on, we don't have much more to get."

Annie and Jeff finish their shopping, somehow coming out with the same number of items in each of their baskets. They silently call it a tie.

The rest of the day is, well... fun. There's no other way to describe it. Which is strange, because the things they're doing aren't exactly fun. Really, they're just doing chores, like putting away the groceries at Jeff's, or going back to Annie's place to borrow a folding table and chairs. Plus, she knows that Jeff is definitely not looking forward to the coming evening. More than once throughout the day, she catches him staring off into space, looking petrified again. Annie fills her heads with plans to keep them as distracted as possible, because her heart breaks a little every time she sees that look. But still, they have fun.

They grab a quick lunch together at a small diner on the way back from Annie's, getting into a debate about how long it will be before the dean realizes he was had. (Annie's bet is on a 3:00am sit-up-in-bed epiphany, and Jeff is adamant he won't EVER figure it out.) Jeff insists on paying for her, and they talk and joke and laugh, just like... two friends having lunch.

They prepare the lasagna together, and Jeff proves himself to be a very useful sous chef, which is new concept for Annie. She loves Troy and Abed, but cooking with them usually results in more harm than good. She's pleasantly surprised that she only has to give him the instructions once, and that none of the ingredients end up plastered on the ceiling. Cooking with Jeff is just... easy.

They set up the table and Jeff teaches Annie how to play Gin Rummy, because it's one of his mom's favorites. They play one open hand with Jeff explaining the rules. Then he loses the next three games in a row and decides she's learned enough. ("I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. This game is entirely about organizing and planning; I was doomed from the start.")

Even though they're having a good time, Annie can see Jeff's apprehension steadily building throughout the afternoon. She does a good job keeping them busy, but he becomes quieter and quieter as the day wears on, and she sees that LOOK more often. She stops telling him that it's going to be fine, because there's only so many times she can say it, and he doesn't believe her anyway.

It's late afternoon, though, before she sees the absolute dread creep into his face.

Around 5:00, Annie puts the lasagna in the oven, then pulls out her dress to iron it. She realizes that, in her earlier haste, the dress she grabbed is a summer one. It's one of the few dresses she owns without sleeves, and the cardigan she's wearing doesn't go with it at all. She sighs and irons it quickly before heading to the bathroom to change, and fix her make up. She comes out to find Jeff sitting on the couch, staring at the floor, anxiously tapping his heel on the ground.

"Is this dress inappropriate for having dinner with your fake boyfriend's mother?" she asks him, completely serious.

He looks up at her, and his eyes are a little wild. "Um, no. You look... um..." He scrunches up his face. "I feel like I'm going to throw up. Is that normal?"

"Yes. Anxiety is horrible for that," she says knowingly, sitting down next to him.

He hangs his head. "Okay, so what do I do about it? Because I'd really rather not."

Annie understands his pain all too well, and it hurts to see him experiencing it. She moves closer to him on the couch, and starts to rub soothing circles on his back. "You breathe," she tells him. "In through your nose for five seconds, then out through your mouth for five seconds."

Jeff closes his eyes, and does as she says. She can feel his ribs expanding and contracting under her hand.

"Just breathe," she softly coaches him. "And count. And... remember that... no matter what happens tonight, we'll get through it."

He opens his eyes and slowly lifts his head to look at her. This time, for once, the expression on his face is crystal clear: unspeakable gratitude. It makes Annie's heart melt.

Then, he suddenly pulls her into a hug.

After a second of shock, Annie hugs him back, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. She can feel his heart beating rapidly.

He sighs heavily. "God, I can't even..."

"I know."

"But I really..."

"Jeff, it's okay. I know," she says gently. "You don't have to say it."

They stay like that for a minute, wrapped around each other.

A knock on the door startles them apart. Sheer panic flashes across Jeff's eyes, and for some reason, Annie's instinct is to kiss him.

So for the second time today, she does.

She leans in and presses her lips very softly against his. She can feel him sink into her a bit, and gently kiss her back for a second or two before they both pull away. It's not weird, or awkward, or strategic, it just... is. And when he looks at her, the panic is fading.

Annie takes his hand, and they go to answer the door.

Onward, to chapter 3...