(no subject)
FIRST ROUND, here we go! As a side note and a reminder, we can't always do the early batch Friday night - sometimes there are extenuating circumstances such as work or class or other RL good times that leave us drained, and we then prefer to wait until after the window closes to put up the first one. ♥ Thank you for your patience!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Clooooosed!
Character: Zelgadis Greywords
Series: Slayers (anime)
Age: 19
Canon: Here's the recipe. Begin by filling your blender with one part Dungeons & Dragons and one part anime. Add three cups of WTF and a dash of broken fourth wall, get a little frappe action all up ons, and now pour yourself a tall, cool glass of Slayers. The series follows the underdeveloped, oversensitive sorceress Lina Inverse as she travels across the globe with her allies, stealing from bandits, bankrupting all-you-can-eat restaurants, and -- when she can't dodge it any longer -- saving the world from evil. Zelgadis Greywords is one of the aforementioned allies (however reluctantly at times). As a younger lad, Zelgadis desperately wanted to become stronger, so he accepted a powerful priest's offer to make him stronger. Only later did Zel find it involved turning him into a "chimera" -- a magical fusion of creatures, in this case human, golem, and demon, with blue stone skin and wire hair. Monstrous? Well, not in the fangirls' opinions, but Zelgadis certainly thought so, vowing to find some way to turn himself back into a human.
Zelgadis is often the straight man of the team, although in a show like Slayers that role gets passed around like a hot potato. He claims to be a "heartless swordsman", and at first it seems true: he's cold, sharp-witted, an unsympathetic loner. But that stony exterior hides a man who is... well... topped by life. From getting innadress'd to being used as a REPLACEMENT ANCHOR FOR A SHIP, there's no indignity Zel's friends won't inflict upon him. And if he thinks it will lead to a cure, there's no indignity he won't inflict upon himself. Really, deep down, Zelgadis is just a woobie who wants to be normal again. Too bad the universe laughs at his pain.
Quick Note™: "Diem Wing" is a spell that creates a powerful gust of wind. "Fireball"... you can probably guess.
Sample Post:
A strange world overlapping our own, saturated with magic and filled with strange creatures... A place where magical transformations are so commonplace that a man may wake as a woman and barely bat an eye... Can it be I've finally found what I've sought for so long? Surely among all its "viruses", this legendary "Country Fallen Under the Depths" must hold a cure for me!
No, not a cure for "transgender issues", you blasted toucans! I get enough ridicule from my allies. I don't need it from the wildlife as well! I'm talking about this accursed stone body! All the trials I've gone through, all the suffering... I've been feared as a hideous monster, mistaken for a castle's gargoyle, used to counterbalance a trebuchet, almost mined... And let's not even discuss the recurring problem of pigeons. You couldn't possibly understand the despair and isolation I face, the torment of being... being... Er, yes, I suppose you could say "always hard", but why --
And now you dare to laugh at me! ...Heh. You should count yourselves lucky. If it were Lina you were mocking, one Fireball would leave the lot of you a fried chicken buffet. But as far as I'm concerned, you annoying pests aren't even worth killing, so... Diem Wing! Give the lake monster my regards.
Now, where was I -- damn, more of this world's insane fauna. I don't have time for this! You hear me, you monstrous gorilla? Unless you can lead me to a cure for my curse, I want nothing to do with you! ...What? You can? Honestly?! At this point I really shouldn't get my hopes up, but -- Very well! Lead the way, then. I must confess to having had second thoughts about this side trip, but if the book you're talking about is real, I will truly be in... your...
You must be joking. A giant crate held up by a stick? Don't make me laugh! Do you think I'm so stupid that I'll fall for an obvious trap like this?! Even if that book down there is titled "Curing Chimera For Dummies", there's no way that I...
...
...Well. Maybe just one glance.
Poll Vote!
Character: Atisha
Series: Genju no Seiza
Character Age: 15
Canon: Genju no Seiza is the story of Kamishina Fuuto's increasingly futile protests that he is not, in fact, the Holy King of Dhalashar. Join him in the antics that ensue as his guardian beasts attempt to convince him that, yes, his sudden telepathy is a sign that he was destined to rule! Join him as he protests that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life acting as the Switzerland of religious conflicts! ...Unfortunately, or fortunately, not everyone agrees that Fuuto should get the throne. His rival king, the boy currently in power, is Atisha, watched over by the guardian beasts that Fuuto hasn't yet won over.
Despite the fact that said guardian beasts send assassins to kill Fuuto, Atisha doesn't harbor ill feelings towards him. He's quiet and withdrawn, having been raised to understand that watching over the human race's sins from afar is better than involving himself in their worldliness. He's friendly and helpful, if aloof and very sheltered, and is fascinated by the modern conveniences that are utterly foreign to him-- like television, instant ramen, and amusement parks.
Sample Post:
Ms. Director, I must compliment you on your excellent service. I was not sure what to expect when I was invited to this American Idol: Louisiana, but the sensationalist shrines to the deities such as the "Burger King" and "Colonel Sanders" gave me the impression that your show would be focused on the backwards worship of worldly attachments. I am happy to find that is not the case, and that your idols are instead encouraging the acceptance of death with their ritualistic wailing.
In addition, your location is excellent. Unlike the closed television studios that I encountered during my trip to Japan, your swamp is open and simple, capturing the essence of despair perfectly. That your spiritual beasts are dedicated to assisting the human race in being reborn is nothing short of amazing! Though perhaps we can talk later about exactly what rebirth entails, as most of the beasts seem convinced that we do not need to move along to our next life-- I discussed this with one of them, and he seemed quite amenable to the concept that we all must be reborn as someone different. He agreed and told me that I would be reborn as a woman. How kind of him!
Already I am settling into this place. The translator you provided has been most helpful in teaching me phrases such as I would like to delicately gnaw upon your brains, which he assures me is a tiding of cheer. I will make good use of his lessons when I meet the other living souls. I would have liked to repay him by assisting his departure from the undead body to which he has tied his spirit, but he is very understanding of the fact that I would only be hindering his progress on the path to enlightenment and has opted to remain.
I would like to register one complaint about the food. I am pleased with how diverse your vegetarian meals are and how hasty my translator was to assure me that everyone ate the same thing. It goes to show that not all areas of America are unclean. However, the cup ramen that was given to meis far too thick, and uncooked it is a disturbing shade of gray. Also, though it's very tasty, it is far chewier than the ramen in Japan.
Next time, it should be fresher.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jomy Marquis Shin
Series: Toward the Terra
Character age: Physically 14; mentally ~30
Canon: Dystopia! In the future, humanity is ruled by a galactic computer network, “Mother,” which controls society by creating all children in test-tubes and wiping their memories before adulthood to ensure an obedient populace. But despite Mother’s supposedly perfect system, an abnormal sliver of the population the “Mu,” is being born with psionic powers. The peaceful Mu, stuck in hiding on a spaceship, have only one goal: to travel to the bountiful, beautiful planet they’ve seen in a vision… to Terra.
Jomy Marquis Shin thinks he’s a normal teenager until his memory-wipe goes horribly awry and he’s handpicked to be the next leader of the Mu. Though Jomy rejects the Mu at first, he eventually embraces the leadership role, his own super-special psionic powers, and his predecessor’s passionate desire to take the Mu to Terra, their idealized Promised Land. While his powers halt his physical aging, Jomy nevertheless grows into a mature, inspirational, focused, and loving leader who makes dramatic speeches to swelling background music and just wants everyone to be happy :( Cherishing the emotions that separate man from machine, Jomy throws himself unwaveringly into building a computer-less society… an epic quest which includes everything from ending Mother’s domination of civilization to making lots of non-test-tube babies the old-fashioned way. By the final stretch of the long journey, Jomy fights not only to bring the Mu to Terra, but to bring freedom to all humanity.
Sample Post:
Wipe away your tears!
Lady Elizabeth, you’ve lost a precious person… no, an irreplaceable person. But that tragic loss is no reason to shut yourself - and others! - away in Camp Fuck You Die when there are still so many opportunities to enjoy life in this green world.
Look around you. Can you see the tentacles waving hello? The gorillas frolicking happily with the passerby? The squirrels’ painstakingly drawn blueprints for burying their nuts? And listen, Lady Elizabeth. Rising from the trees on a gentle afternoon breeze is a lilting chorus of toucans serenading the summer skies, their clear and joyous voices exalting in just how good it feels to be a gangsta…! The sun is shining, the lake is glowing, and everywhere, beings are glad to be alive.
And are we really so different from them, Lady Elizabeth? You and the tentacles, the toucans and I - we all laugh, cry, and find Tuesday’s soup generally indigestible as one. And as we live here together with these beings, we can see clearly what makes them happy to be here, and what makes Camp Fuck You Die their beloved home. Just watch the birds and the bees or the gorillas and anyone in a two-meter radius. We, too, can share their happiness to live here, Lady Elizabeth, if only you will cast aside the rules and bans that exclude us from their greatest joys!
You may say that your regulations are traditional, or that this is no place for human intimacy and raising children. Indeed, there is the possibility this place’s unique circumstances might lead to a delinquent generation of infant mobsters or underwear-thieving cephalopods… but even so! Fear and doubt cannot stop us from moving forward. Whatever evils we may unleash upon ourselves, remember: at the bottom of Pandora’s Box, there is hope.
And so long as we have that hope, Lady Elizabeth, men and women of Camp Fuck You Die, we can work to change this place for the better, ensuring that camp becomes a land of plenty for ourselves and all those who follow in our footsteps! With work and care, even the underwear tree will exchange its fragile thongs for hearty white blossoming diapers, and the cowbots and the Splenda bushes will make this a beautiful land of milk and no-calorie artificial sweetener.
Lady Elizabeth, people of camp, we cannot change the past or bring back the comrades we have lost. But still, we can honor their sacrifices by choosing our own futures, and a brilliant future for this place! So I ask you to join hands and work towards a new camp, where we will embrace new lives and new loves, rather than dwelling on death. Though the journey will be long and difficult, together we will travel the road to a better home for everyone…
… the road to Camp Fuck You Live.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sakubo (Iori Nakanishi)
Series: .hack//G.U.
Character Age: 11
Canon: Welcome to "the World". The year is 2017 and the MMORPG "The World" is extremely popular. The corporation that made it advertises it as a safe and enjoyable RPG and hack-n-slash play experience with something for everyone. Unfortunately, the truth involves everything from viruses to AIs and beyond -- dangers that can even put players into comas. The only people with the power to fight these things are a group of eight PCs with the ability to use special anti-AI programs known as "Avatars". Sakubo is one of these players... or, well, two. You see, Sakubo has multiple personalities. These personalities switch often, trading off usage of the "Sakubo" PC, which changes to reflect subtly whether the controller is the girl ("Saku") or the boy ("Bo")... but either way, it's still a little kid wearing a clownish jester costume.
Saku, the alter, is sly, conniving, bitchy, and brutal. She drips self-confidence in her every action, obsesses dangerously hard over and talks constantly about her crush -- the languid, gay bishounen Endrance (or as she calls him, "Master En") -- whose fanclub she practically leads. Short-tempered and vicious, she's willing to do almost anything to get what she wants. Still, she's as protective of Bo as he is worried about her. You see, Bo, the host personality, is a really nice boy. He's quiet, self-deprecating, painfully earnest, and cripplingly shy -- but no matter what, he's still willing to stand up for what he believes in (aka the Good In Everyone) to convince them to turn away from evil paths, and to help them find happiness. Together, Saku and Bo fight crime. Or, at least, bugs in the system.
Sample Post:
Listen up, you Director! I got your private message about this place, the whole "blah blah blah welcome to camp blah blah murder of your fiancé" bs, and I just can't believe this! You think you can hack my character and lock me onto a private server I can't even log off of?! There's no WAY you can get away with this! I know hackers and admins, you know, I can have you banned so fast your dead fiancé won't know what hit him! Oh yeah, I went there! Bet you don't want me around anymore.
...What, you still haven't let me out?! No way! Look, you gotta let me go, do you even know what day it is tomorrow?! It's the first day of the third annual Tokyo Endrancon, the con all about the best and most elegant player in The World! I'm a VIP there, you know, as his number one fan! I'm supposed to be hosting panels on "Joining Endrance's Party: The Private Side of Master En (as seen by his Wife-To-Be)" and "You Men Can't Have Him: Why Master En's Not Gay"! If you don't let me out right this instant, you'll be facing the wrath of hundreds of fangirls! You see, I'm not clowning around here. You have no idea who you're-- Huh? Bo? What, you think you'd have a better chance talking to her? Hmph. Well... I guess you're right, we're not getting to the con any faster this way. Go for it, Bo.
...
Um. It's very nice to get to talk to you, Miss Director. I've got a guess what Saku said to you, but please don't think badly of her. She, uh, she's really a good person, she just has trouble making friends. And, you know, I'm sure you're a really good person too, even if you're not showing it right now. You lost someone really important to you, right? It's natural that you'd be so serious. You must be a really, um, really determined person to act like this -- never giving him up, never letting him down. But I've got to make you understand....
You see, I... I think you should let everyone go. Everyone here has their own lives they need to live. Um, it's a really horrible thing, ma'am, that you lost your fiancé, and I bet... I bet it feels like if you're hurting this much, everyone else should be too. But by doing that, you'll just make everyone else feel that bad, and that can't be right. I believe everyone has kindness inside of them, that everyone wants to do something nice to others. I'm sure you're like that too. I'd like to see that side of you. ...Saku will be mad at me for this, because she really wants to get going, but if you want me to I'll stay here. If you're lonely, I'll be your friend. Because I believe that deep down, you want to put a smile on somebody's face.
Please, give me your answer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Koizumi Risa
Series: Lovely Complex
Character Age: 17
Canon: Lovely Complex follows two classmates, Koizumi Risa and Otani Atsushi, who are respectively the tallest girl and shortest boy in their grades. Due to their constant bickering about their height differences, they are labeled as 'All Hanshin Kyojin' after a Japanese comedy duo. Despite all the arguments and the fights, they actually become good friends as they get to know each other better. Koizumi actually starts to develop feelings for him, and the story follows her hilarious antics as she attempts to win his affections.
Koizumi Risa isn't your typical shoujo heroine: she's clumsy, loud and obnoxious, and doesn't know the meaning of the phrase 'holding back'. Risa is also easily excitable over the silliest things, and isn't afraid to express her happiness with lots of gleeing and shouting. Risa's best quality is that she is persistent, to the point where she continues to strive for Otani's affections despite being rejected once. Risa is also known by her friends as a video game otaku, and her genre of choice is dating sims. She has spent a weekend holed up in her room playing video games. Despite all her eccentricities, her vibrant personality and penchant for getting herself in trouble seems to make her even more endearing to those around her.
Sample Post:
If this is the latest thing in computer gaming, I am SO IMPRESSED. I mean, this is totally unexpected! When I bought the latest video game to drown my sorrows from another failed attempt at love, I didn't expect it to be a virtual reality simulation! It's amazing how lifelike everything is! I can feel the warmth of the sun on my shoulders, the fresh scent of nature, and even the.. dreaded feeling of stepping on something you shouldn't have stepped on. That... is that a crab on the ground? With a conductor's baton? Anyway, I do admit I'm a bit lost on how a camp ground can be the scene for a romantic rendezvous with the man of my dreams, but I'm willing to give it a try. I mean, there's romantic boat rides in the moonlight, right? I hear this place even supplies their own mood music! That's so cool! I wonder if they do requests?
This place is really AMAZING though! There's chocobos! Oh my god, they're so cute, I wanna ride on one! And moogles too? Hey, is this a SquareEnix game? I mean, if not this is totally copyright infringement! They are really adorable though... come on, say 'kupo' at me! This place is getting better and better by the moment! As long as a talking mushroom doesn't tell me that my prince is in another castle, this is going to work out perfectly.
Okay, no more distractions! I need to figure out the game objectives, find the man of my dreams and make him fall in love with me! Ooh, I wonder what he's like? The cool type? The prince type? Either way, he's extremely good looking, right? WHAAAT?! Don't tell me my first target is that... that... oh come on, you're telling me I have to go pick up a zombie? What kind of a game tries to hook you up with a zombie?! Survival horror dating?! ...I guess that makes sense in that context. But what's next? Prom night chainsaw massacre? I guess it could be worse. I can't think of it right now, but it COULD be.
Uh, let's see, let's start with a little flirting. My, how... alive your skin looks today! It's so vibrant and lush and green like the forest! Ah, were you startled by my presence? You seem to have dropped... your arm. Let me help you with that! Here, have my hair tie to fasten those tendons together! See, isn't that better than using that tree branch as a limb? I won't need that back, by the way; you can keep those as a token of my affection. H-hey, why are you shaking your head? What do you mean, you're not interested?! Are you saying I'm too tall for you to be seen in public with me? NO you do not have to wear stilts WHERE would you even get such a thing?! Well excuse me, Mr. BAG OF ROTTING FLESH, I never wanted to be with you in the first place! So there! I hope your limbs fall off! AGAIN!! STUMPY!!
Urgh, where's the reset button? That was a total failure, man, and I really don't think this game is for me. Maybe I could trade it in and get the new Kingdom Hearts dating sim instead. Guh, this game isn't letting me out, does it look like I want another try at this?! Well fine, but I really hope that I get to choose who I flirt with this time. I want a nice and handsome man who's totally NORMAL and not dead, dying or halfway there and undead. And preferably not some weirdo with issues. Oh hey, this one sounds good! Alright camp, show me where Stephan Debussey and I'll totally wow him with my skills!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Sui
Series: Double Arts
Character Age: 16
Canon: The world is under threat by a deadly virus known as Troy, passed through the slightest physical contact. The only ones capable of slowing its effects are young girls who are resistant to the disease, and even they can only delay it for so long. Double Arts is the story of one of these girls, Elraine, who comes across a boy called Kiri who's immune to Troy. Together, they're out to discover why he isn't affected, and whether they can do what handing out masks and exterminating rodents can't- defeat Troy once and for all. As with any good shounen manga, they are hindered in their quest by a series of enemy attacks, in this case from a band of assassins known as the Gazelles. And this is where Sui comes in.
Sui's hobbies include fighting, beating people up and asking boys out on dates (she has a short attention span- they usually get dumped within a day or so). Having bested everyone in her and Kiri's village, she's decided to follow where the strong guys are attacking- Elraine and Kiri. She fights using a giant metal ring she calls Avis (which she keeps in her pants), and sulked for days the one time she was beaten. Loud and pushy, Sui thinks your emo backstory is hilarious and isn't afraid to show it. If she had her way, Kiri and Elraine would be attacked every day so she didn't have to wait around through the boring bits. When there are no fights to be had though, she has a small obsession with cherries, and has been known to steal them without remorse.
Sample post:
Man this place is dull. I thought with a name like that there might be some decent fights to be had! Where's all the dying? The closest I've had so far is a bunch of monkeys who kept trying to get a little too close for comfort. Hey, you don't get to touch there until at least the third date, even if you're human! I've gotta give them some kind of points for persistence though, even if it wasn't even worth getting Avis out to take them down. And what kind of crazy person dyed them all purple? I figured if they can knock all these guys out long enough to dye them, they've gotta be pretty strong. So I thought I'd make a really big pile of monkeys and see if they came to see what happened to their pets. Then I was gonna jump them! Pretty good plan, huh?
So there I am, sitting in this pile of monkeys and man did they stink when along comes a whole group of guys! I really thought I was in luck there for a second, at least until I noticed how they were stumbling around like idiots and moaning about their brains or something. No way I'm gonna get near that, I know a disease when I see one! There's a whole pandemic going on where I come from, you know. I gotta say though, whatever these guys had is way funnier than Troy ever was. Watching them gnaw on each other and try to reattach fallen-off bits is way cooler than people just disappearing. They just keep going and going! I could watch it all day! But they heard me laughing and started trying to climb up the monkeys to reach me, so I figured I should move. It's not like waiting was working anyway, better to go find this guy for myself.
Whoever this monkey master is though, they're really good at hiding. I've been looking for ages and all I've found are you guys! Don't get me wrong, you guys are kind of cool with the whole talking in my head thing, but I'm itching for a fight, not a bunch of birds sitting around gawking at me. Isn't there anyone here who's not sick? If everyone's already got it, then who am I supposed to fight? I'm gonna go find somewhere that still has healthy people. I knew I should've followed the sign that said "Madagascar" instead, that's a way cooler name. So thanks for the chat, but I'm outta here.
... What do you mean, I can't get out? No barrier's gonna stop me for long! I can't stay here anyway, this place hasn't even got any cherries. No way I'm sticking around if there's no cherries in it for me. Unless you birdbrains know where I can get some? Just point me the right way, no questions asked. Hey, that's okay, I just wanna eat them! Who pops cherries, anyway? What a waste.
So, this Marcy would know about the cherry situation? And she's pretty strong too, huh. Awesome! I've never had to fight anyone in a lake before. I'm getting excited just thinking about it~ ♥ Marcy's cherries, here I come!
Poll Vote!
Character: Bat
Series: Digital Devil Saga
Character Age: Unknown, approximately 17-20 physical age.
Canon: [Here be Spoilers! Last warning, folks!]
Digital Devil Saga takes place in a desolate world known as the Junkyard, where rival tribes struggle to earn entry into Nirvana. In reality, this is an Urban Warfare simulation populated with Artificial Intelligence, virtual soldiers programmed to obediently follow the commands of the Karma Temple and their tribe's Leader. This all changes, however, when a virus transforms them into cannibal demons and breaks down their programming, granting them humanity and self-awareness. Quite the ironic side effect!
Enter Bat, the second-in-command of the Maribel tribe and all-around sadistic bastard. Loyalty to the Leader was simply how things were, part of the AIs' programming and something that was never questioned. But this changed as soon as he developed humanity. Embracing the idea of Survival of the sneakiest Bastard Fittest, he promptly went about betraying and double-crossing his way through half the tribes in the Junkyard. He also became the heroes' favorite "persistent freak", out to kill them all!
As for the whole cannibal thing? Not so much a problem for him. An example in pathological issues, he's a selfish, sadistic bastard prone to bouts of jealousy and misanthropic attitudes. In particular, his hatred focuses on the women in his life, adding an unhealthy dose of misogynistic tendencies! Eager to cause others pain and firm in his belief that everyone's a bastard, he manipulates the people around him and turns on them without remorse. In his own mind, it's just a matter of survival, which TOTALLY justifies proverbially and literally backstabbing anyone he meets. In addition, he takes a little too much pleasure in devouring, bordering on the sexual. This...enjoyment of his meals is made more disturbing by the fact that he devours with his crotch. Or, rather, with a head attached to his crotch. WTH, Atlus?
Sample Post:
Nice place you've got here. No, I really mean it. Camp "Fuck You Die"? Heh. Cute name...doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it? Sounds like such a cheerful place to me! Looks like it, too. The sun is shining, the sky is blue...and hell, even the trees eat people! Place after my own heart. Literally, maybe.
And the locals? I'm used to brainless morons, but actual brainless morons? That's new. You stand around long enough and the meals deliver themselves! Too bad they taste like crap....and they're even too fucking stupid to scream when I rip them apart. Where's the fun in that? At least they're good for a laugh. And this easy to kill, might as well go for variety! "Gee, I bet that tree has tasty brains! Why don't you go check?" You'd be surprised how easy it is. Morons fall for it every time. Point them in the right direction and they walk right into their own deaths.
Still, it's not like most people are better. They march right off to their own deaths everyday, like good little soldiers. Don't stop to think about it, don't realize they've been played until the tree's eating them. We're all like them, in the long run. Pretend all you want, but we're all the same when it comes down to it. Those rotting messes out there? They're just us, stripped down to the very basics. They want brains and they don't bother thinking about it. The only question is, what'd they do if they knew that?
It'd be really stupid to hear one of these morons say something like, "Oh, but it's wrong to want to rip out their delicious brains and eat them! I don't really want to, but I have to do it!" They don't complain about doing what's natural -- that's life, morons! It doesn't matter, we're all devouring each other to survive. Sometimes it's just a lot less direct, but we all do it one way or another. People know deep down I'm right, so why not admit it?
Everyone wants things. You can't get them by half-assing it and playing nice with the other kiddies. You shove them out of your fucking way or you lose. Wait patiently in line and the guy in front of you gets what should be YOURS. You can't survive if you aren't willing to do whatever it takes. You can either shove them aside and eat them on the way down, or you can die waiting for a few scraps. Me, I'll do whatever I need to. And you know, I can appreciate these walking corpses. No whining about "honor" or "needless killing" -- honor just gets in the way and killing is just how things are. People can just suck it up. If it bothers them so much, they should just hurry up and die. I'd enjoy devouring those dumb bitches.
My name is Bat. Remember it.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Clooooosed!
Character: Zelgadis Greywords
Series: Slayers (anime)
Age: 19
Canon: Here's the recipe. Begin by filling your blender with one part Dungeons & Dragons and one part anime. Add three cups of WTF and a dash of broken fourth wall, get a little frappe action all up ons, and now pour yourself a tall, cool glass of Slayers. The series follows the underdeveloped, oversensitive sorceress Lina Inverse as she travels across the globe with her allies, stealing from bandits, bankrupting all-you-can-eat restaurants, and -- when she can't dodge it any longer -- saving the world from evil. Zelgadis Greywords is one of the aforementioned allies (however reluctantly at times). As a younger lad, Zelgadis desperately wanted to become stronger, so he accepted a powerful priest's offer to make him stronger. Only later did Zel find it involved turning him into a "chimera" -- a magical fusion of creatures, in this case human, golem, and demon, with blue stone skin and wire hair. Monstrous? Well, not in the fangirls' opinions, but Zelgadis certainly thought so, vowing to find some way to turn himself back into a human.
Zelgadis is often the straight man of the team, although in a show like Slayers that role gets passed around like a hot potato. He claims to be a "heartless swordsman", and at first it seems true: he's cold, sharp-witted, an unsympathetic loner. But that stony exterior hides a man who is... well... topped by life. From getting innadress'd to being used as a REPLACEMENT ANCHOR FOR A SHIP, there's no indignity Zel's friends won't inflict upon him. And if he thinks it will lead to a cure, there's no indignity he won't inflict upon himself. Really, deep down, Zelgadis is just a woobie who wants to be normal again. Too bad the universe laughs at his pain.
Quick Note™: "Diem Wing" is a spell that creates a powerful gust of wind. "Fireball"... you can probably guess.
Sample Post:
A strange world overlapping our own, saturated with magic and filled with strange creatures... A place where magical transformations are so commonplace that a man may wake as a woman and barely bat an eye... Can it be I've finally found what I've sought for so long? Surely among all its "viruses", this legendary "Country Fallen Under the Depths" must hold a cure for me!
No, not a cure for "transgender issues", you blasted toucans! I get enough ridicule from my allies. I don't need it from the wildlife as well! I'm talking about this accursed stone body! All the trials I've gone through, all the suffering... I've been feared as a hideous monster, mistaken for a castle's gargoyle, used to counterbalance a trebuchet, almost mined... And let's not even discuss the recurring problem of pigeons. You couldn't possibly understand the despair and isolation I face, the torment of being... being... Er, yes, I suppose you could say "always hard", but why --
And now you dare to laugh at me! ...Heh. You should count yourselves lucky. If it were Lina you were mocking, one Fireball would leave the lot of you a fried chicken buffet. But as far as I'm concerned, you annoying pests aren't even worth killing, so... Diem Wing! Give the lake monster my regards.
Now, where was I -- damn, more of this world's insane fauna. I don't have time for this! You hear me, you monstrous gorilla? Unless you can lead me to a cure for my curse, I want nothing to do with you! ...What? You can? Honestly?! At this point I really shouldn't get my hopes up, but -- Very well! Lead the way, then. I must confess to having had second thoughts about this side trip, but if the book you're talking about is real, I will truly be in... your...
You must be joking. A giant crate held up by a stick? Don't make me laugh! Do you think I'm so stupid that I'll fall for an obvious trap like this?! Even if that book down there is titled "Curing Chimera For Dummies", there's no way that I...
...
...Well. Maybe just one glance.
Poll Vote!
Character: Atisha
Series: Genju no Seiza
Character Age: 15
Canon: Genju no Seiza is the story of Kamishina Fuuto's increasingly futile protests that he is not, in fact, the Holy King of Dhalashar. Join him in the antics that ensue as his guardian beasts attempt to convince him that, yes, his sudden telepathy is a sign that he was destined to rule! Join him as he protests that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life acting as the Switzerland of religious conflicts! ...Unfortunately, or fortunately, not everyone agrees that Fuuto should get the throne. His rival king, the boy currently in power, is Atisha, watched over by the guardian beasts that Fuuto hasn't yet won over.
Despite the fact that said guardian beasts send assassins to kill Fuuto, Atisha doesn't harbor ill feelings towards him. He's quiet and withdrawn, having been raised to understand that watching over the human race's sins from afar is better than involving himself in their worldliness. He's friendly and helpful, if aloof and very sheltered, and is fascinated by the modern conveniences that are utterly foreign to him-- like television, instant ramen, and amusement parks.
Sample Post:
Ms. Director, I must compliment you on your excellent service. I was not sure what to expect when I was invited to this American Idol: Louisiana, but the sensationalist shrines to the deities such as the "Burger King" and "Colonel Sanders" gave me the impression that your show would be focused on the backwards worship of worldly attachments. I am happy to find that is not the case, and that your idols are instead encouraging the acceptance of death with their ritualistic wailing.
In addition, your location is excellent. Unlike the closed television studios that I encountered during my trip to Japan, your swamp is open and simple, capturing the essence of despair perfectly. That your spiritual beasts are dedicated to assisting the human race in being reborn is nothing short of amazing! Though perhaps we can talk later about exactly what rebirth entails, as most of the beasts seem convinced that we do not need to move along to our next life-- I discussed this with one of them, and he seemed quite amenable to the concept that we all must be reborn as someone different. He agreed and told me that I would be reborn as a woman. How kind of him!
Already I am settling into this place. The translator you provided has been most helpful in teaching me phrases such as I would like to delicately gnaw upon your brains, which he assures me is a tiding of cheer. I will make good use of his lessons when I meet the other living souls. I would have liked to repay him by assisting his departure from the undead body to which he has tied his spirit, but he is very understanding of the fact that I would only be hindering his progress on the path to enlightenment and has opted to remain.
I would like to register one complaint about the food. I am pleased with how diverse your vegetarian meals are and how hasty my translator was to assure me that everyone ate the same thing. It goes to show that not all areas of America are unclean. However, the cup ramen that was given to meis far too thick, and uncooked it is a disturbing shade of gray. Also, though it's very tasty, it is far chewier than the ramen in Japan.
Next time, it should be fresher.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jomy Marquis Shin
Series: Toward the Terra
Character age: Physically 14; mentally ~30
Canon: Dystopia! In the future, humanity is ruled by a galactic computer network, “Mother,” which controls society by creating all children in test-tubes and wiping their memories before adulthood to ensure an obedient populace. But despite Mother’s supposedly perfect system, an abnormal sliver of the population the “Mu,” is being born with psionic powers. The peaceful Mu, stuck in hiding on a spaceship, have only one goal: to travel to the bountiful, beautiful planet they’ve seen in a vision… to Terra.
Jomy Marquis Shin thinks he’s a normal teenager until his memory-wipe goes horribly awry and he’s handpicked to be the next leader of the Mu. Though Jomy rejects the Mu at first, he eventually embraces the leadership role, his own super-special psionic powers, and his predecessor’s passionate desire to take the Mu to Terra, their idealized Promised Land. While his powers halt his physical aging, Jomy nevertheless grows into a mature, inspirational, focused, and loving leader who makes dramatic speeches to swelling background music and just wants everyone to be happy :( Cherishing the emotions that separate man from machine, Jomy throws himself unwaveringly into building a computer-less society… an epic quest which includes everything from ending Mother’s domination of civilization to making lots of non-test-tube babies the old-fashioned way. By the final stretch of the long journey, Jomy fights not only to bring the Mu to Terra, but to bring freedom to all humanity.
Sample Post:
Wipe away your tears!
Lady Elizabeth, you’ve lost a precious person… no, an irreplaceable person. But that tragic loss is no reason to shut yourself - and others! - away in Camp Fuck You Die when there are still so many opportunities to enjoy life in this green world.
Look around you. Can you see the tentacles waving hello? The gorillas frolicking happily with the passerby? The squirrels’ painstakingly drawn blueprints for burying their nuts? And listen, Lady Elizabeth. Rising from the trees on a gentle afternoon breeze is a lilting chorus of toucans serenading the summer skies, their clear and joyous voices exalting in just how good it feels to be a gangsta…! The sun is shining, the lake is glowing, and everywhere, beings are glad to be alive.
And are we really so different from them, Lady Elizabeth? You and the tentacles, the toucans and I - we all laugh, cry, and find Tuesday’s soup generally indigestible as one. And as we live here together with these beings, we can see clearly what makes them happy to be here, and what makes Camp Fuck You Die their beloved home. Just watch the birds and the bees or the gorillas and anyone in a two-meter radius. We, too, can share their happiness to live here, Lady Elizabeth, if only you will cast aside the rules and bans that exclude us from their greatest joys!
You may say that your regulations are traditional, or that this is no place for human intimacy and raising children. Indeed, there is the possibility this place’s unique circumstances might lead to a delinquent generation of infant mobsters or underwear-thieving cephalopods… but even so! Fear and doubt cannot stop us from moving forward. Whatever evils we may unleash upon ourselves, remember: at the bottom of Pandora’s Box, there is hope.
And so long as we have that hope, Lady Elizabeth, men and women of Camp Fuck You Die, we can work to change this place for the better, ensuring that camp becomes a land of plenty for ourselves and all those who follow in our footsteps! With work and care, even the underwear tree will exchange its fragile thongs for hearty white blossoming diapers, and the cowbots and the Splenda bushes will make this a beautiful land of milk and no-calorie artificial sweetener.
Lady Elizabeth, people of camp, we cannot change the past or bring back the comrades we have lost. But still, we can honor their sacrifices by choosing our own futures, and a brilliant future for this place! So I ask you to join hands and work towards a new camp, where we will embrace new lives and new loves, rather than dwelling on death. Though the journey will be long and difficult, together we will travel the road to a better home for everyone…
… the road to Camp Fuck You Live.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sakubo (Iori Nakanishi)
Series: .hack//G.U.
Character Age: 11
Canon: Welcome to "the World". The year is 2017 and the MMORPG "The World" is extremely popular. The corporation that made it advertises it as a safe and enjoyable RPG and hack-n-slash play experience with something for everyone. Unfortunately, the truth involves everything from viruses to AIs and beyond -- dangers that can even put players into comas. The only people with the power to fight these things are a group of eight PCs with the ability to use special anti-AI programs known as "Avatars". Sakubo is one of these players... or, well, two. You see, Sakubo has multiple personalities. These personalities switch often, trading off usage of the "Sakubo" PC, which changes to reflect subtly whether the controller is the girl ("Saku") or the boy ("Bo")... but either way, it's still a little kid wearing a clownish jester costume.
Saku, the alter, is sly, conniving, bitchy, and brutal. She drips self-confidence in her every action, obsesses dangerously hard over and talks constantly about her crush -- the languid, gay bishounen Endrance (or as she calls him, "Master En") -- whose fanclub she practically leads. Short-tempered and vicious, she's willing to do almost anything to get what she wants. Still, she's as protective of Bo as he is worried about her. You see, Bo, the host personality, is a really nice boy. He's quiet, self-deprecating, painfully earnest, and cripplingly shy -- but no matter what, he's still willing to stand up for what he believes in (aka the Good In Everyone) to convince them to turn away from evil paths, and to help them find happiness. Together, Saku and Bo fight crime. Or, at least, bugs in the system.
Sample Post:
Listen up, you Director! I got your private message about this place, the whole "blah blah blah welcome to camp blah blah murder of your fiancé" bs, and I just can't believe this! You think you can hack my character and lock me onto a private server I can't even log off of?! There's no WAY you can get away with this! I know hackers and admins, you know, I can have you banned so fast your dead fiancé won't know what hit him! Oh yeah, I went there! Bet you don't want me around anymore.
...What, you still haven't let me out?! No way! Look, you gotta let me go, do you even know what day it is tomorrow?! It's the first day of the third annual Tokyo Endrancon, the con all about the best and most elegant player in The World! I'm a VIP there, you know, as his number one fan! I'm supposed to be hosting panels on "Joining Endrance's Party: The Private Side of Master En (as seen by his Wife-To-Be)" and "You Men Can't Have Him: Why Master En's Not Gay"! If you don't let me out right this instant, you'll be facing the wrath of hundreds of fangirls! You see, I'm not clowning around here. You have no idea who you're-- Huh? Bo? What, you think you'd have a better chance talking to her? Hmph. Well... I guess you're right, we're not getting to the con any faster this way. Go for it, Bo.
...
Um. It's very nice to get to talk to you, Miss Director. I've got a guess what Saku said to you, but please don't think badly of her. She, uh, she's really a good person, she just has trouble making friends. And, you know, I'm sure you're a really good person too, even if you're not showing it right now. You lost someone really important to you, right? It's natural that you'd be so serious. You must be a really, um, really determined person to act like this -- never giving him up, never letting him down. But I've got to make you understand....
You see, I... I think you should let everyone go. Everyone here has their own lives they need to live. Um, it's a really horrible thing, ma'am, that you lost your fiancé, and I bet... I bet it feels like if you're hurting this much, everyone else should be too. But by doing that, you'll just make everyone else feel that bad, and that can't be right. I believe everyone has kindness inside of them, that everyone wants to do something nice to others. I'm sure you're like that too. I'd like to see that side of you. ...Saku will be mad at me for this, because she really wants to get going, but if you want me to I'll stay here. If you're lonely, I'll be your friend. Because I believe that deep down, you want to put a smile on somebody's face.
Please, give me your answer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Koizumi Risa
Series: Lovely Complex
Character Age: 17
Canon: Lovely Complex follows two classmates, Koizumi Risa and Otani Atsushi, who are respectively the tallest girl and shortest boy in their grades. Due to their constant bickering about their height differences, they are labeled as 'All Hanshin Kyojin' after a Japanese comedy duo. Despite all the arguments and the fights, they actually become good friends as they get to know each other better. Koizumi actually starts to develop feelings for him, and the story follows her hilarious antics as she attempts to win his affections.
Koizumi Risa isn't your typical shoujo heroine: she's clumsy, loud and obnoxious, and doesn't know the meaning of the phrase 'holding back'. Risa is also easily excitable over the silliest things, and isn't afraid to express her happiness with lots of gleeing and shouting. Risa's best quality is that she is persistent, to the point where she continues to strive for Otani's affections despite being rejected once. Risa is also known by her friends as a video game otaku, and her genre of choice is dating sims. She has spent a weekend holed up in her room playing video games. Despite all her eccentricities, her vibrant personality and penchant for getting herself in trouble seems to make her even more endearing to those around her.
Sample Post:
If this is the latest thing in computer gaming, I am SO IMPRESSED. I mean, this is totally unexpected! When I bought the latest video game to drown my sorrows from another failed attempt at love, I didn't expect it to be a virtual reality simulation! It's amazing how lifelike everything is! I can feel the warmth of the sun on my shoulders, the fresh scent of nature, and even the.. dreaded feeling of stepping on something you shouldn't have stepped on. That... is that a crab on the ground? With a conductor's baton? Anyway, I do admit I'm a bit lost on how a camp ground can be the scene for a romantic rendezvous with the man of my dreams, but I'm willing to give it a try. I mean, there's romantic boat rides in the moonlight, right? I hear this place even supplies their own mood music! That's so cool! I wonder if they do requests?
This place is really AMAZING though! There's chocobos! Oh my god, they're so cute, I wanna ride on one! And moogles too? Hey, is this a SquareEnix game? I mean, if not this is totally copyright infringement! They are really adorable though... come on, say 'kupo' at me! This place is getting better and better by the moment! As long as a talking mushroom doesn't tell me that my prince is in another castle, this is going to work out perfectly.
Okay, no more distractions! I need to figure out the game objectives, find the man of my dreams and make him fall in love with me! Ooh, I wonder what he's like? The cool type? The prince type? Either way, he's extremely good looking, right? WHAAAT?! Don't tell me my first target is that... that... oh come on, you're telling me I have to go pick up a zombie? What kind of a game tries to hook you up with a zombie?! Survival horror dating?! ...I guess that makes sense in that context. But what's next? Prom night chainsaw massacre? I guess it could be worse. I can't think of it right now, but it COULD be.
Uh, let's see, let's start with a little flirting. My, how... alive your skin looks today! It's so vibrant and lush and green like the forest! Ah, were you startled by my presence? You seem to have dropped... your arm. Let me help you with that! Here, have my hair tie to fasten those tendons together! See, isn't that better than using that tree branch as a limb? I won't need that back, by the way; you can keep those as a token of my affection. H-hey, why are you shaking your head? What do you mean, you're not interested?! Are you saying I'm too tall for you to be seen in public with me? NO you do not have to wear stilts WHERE would you even get such a thing?! Well excuse me, Mr. BAG OF ROTTING FLESH, I never wanted to be with you in the first place! So there! I hope your limbs fall off! AGAIN!! STUMPY!!
Urgh, where's the reset button? That was a total failure, man, and I really don't think this game is for me. Maybe I could trade it in and get the new Kingdom Hearts dating sim instead. Guh, this game isn't letting me out, does it look like I want another try at this?! Well fine, but I really hope that I get to choose who I flirt with this time. I want a nice and handsome man who's totally NORMAL and not dead, dying or halfway there and undead. And preferably not some weirdo with issues. Oh hey, this one sounds good! Alright camp, show me where Stephan Debussey and I'll totally wow him with my skills!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Sui
Series: Double Arts
Character Age: 16
Canon: The world is under threat by a deadly virus known as Troy, passed through the slightest physical contact. The only ones capable of slowing its effects are young girls who are resistant to the disease, and even they can only delay it for so long. Double Arts is the story of one of these girls, Elraine, who comes across a boy called Kiri who's immune to Troy. Together, they're out to discover why he isn't affected, and whether they can do what handing out masks and exterminating rodents can't- defeat Troy once and for all. As with any good shounen manga, they are hindered in their quest by a series of enemy attacks, in this case from a band of assassins known as the Gazelles. And this is where Sui comes in.
Sui's hobbies include fighting, beating people up and asking boys out on dates (she has a short attention span- they usually get dumped within a day or so). Having bested everyone in her and Kiri's village, she's decided to follow where the strong guys are attacking- Elraine and Kiri. She fights using a giant metal ring she calls Avis (which she keeps in her pants), and sulked for days the one time she was beaten. Loud and pushy, Sui thinks your emo backstory is hilarious and isn't afraid to show it. If she had her way, Kiri and Elraine would be attacked every day so she didn't have to wait around through the boring bits. When there are no fights to be had though, she has a small obsession with cherries, and has been known to steal them without remorse.
Sample post:
Man this place is dull. I thought with a name like that there might be some decent fights to be had! Where's all the dying? The closest I've had so far is a bunch of monkeys who kept trying to get a little too close for comfort. Hey, you don't get to touch there until at least the third date, even if you're human! I've gotta give them some kind of points for persistence though, even if it wasn't even worth getting Avis out to take them down. And what kind of crazy person dyed them all purple? I figured if they can knock all these guys out long enough to dye them, they've gotta be pretty strong. So I thought I'd make a really big pile of monkeys and see if they came to see what happened to their pets. Then I was gonna jump them! Pretty good plan, huh?
So there I am, sitting in this pile of monkeys and man did they stink when along comes a whole group of guys! I really thought I was in luck there for a second, at least until I noticed how they were stumbling around like idiots and moaning about their brains or something. No way I'm gonna get near that, I know a disease when I see one! There's a whole pandemic going on where I come from, you know. I gotta say though, whatever these guys had is way funnier than Troy ever was. Watching them gnaw on each other and try to reattach fallen-off bits is way cooler than people just disappearing. They just keep going and going! I could watch it all day! But they heard me laughing and started trying to climb up the monkeys to reach me, so I figured I should move. It's not like waiting was working anyway, better to go find this guy for myself.
Whoever this monkey master is though, they're really good at hiding. I've been looking for ages and all I've found are you guys! Don't get me wrong, you guys are kind of cool with the whole talking in my head thing, but I'm itching for a fight, not a bunch of birds sitting around gawking at me. Isn't there anyone here who's not sick? If everyone's already got it, then who am I supposed to fight? I'm gonna go find somewhere that still has healthy people. I knew I should've followed the sign that said "Madagascar" instead, that's a way cooler name. So thanks for the chat, but I'm outta here.
... What do you mean, I can't get out? No barrier's gonna stop me for long! I can't stay here anyway, this place hasn't even got any cherries. No way I'm sticking around if there's no cherries in it for me. Unless you birdbrains know where I can get some? Just point me the right way, no questions asked. Hey, that's okay, I just wanna eat them! Who pops cherries, anyway? What a waste.
So, this Marcy would know about the cherry situation? And she's pretty strong too, huh. Awesome! I've never had to fight anyone in a lake before. I'm getting excited just thinking about it~ ♥ Marcy's cherries, here I come!
Poll Vote!
Character: Bat
Series: Digital Devil Saga
Character Age: Unknown, approximately 17-20 physical age.
Canon: [Here be Spoilers! Last warning, folks!]
Digital Devil Saga takes place in a desolate world known as the Junkyard, where rival tribes struggle to earn entry into Nirvana. In reality, this is an Urban Warfare simulation populated with Artificial Intelligence, virtual soldiers programmed to obediently follow the commands of the Karma Temple and their tribe's Leader. This all changes, however, when a virus transforms them into cannibal demons and breaks down their programming, granting them humanity and self-awareness. Quite the ironic side effect!
Enter Bat, the second-in-command of the Maribel tribe and all-around sadistic bastard. Loyalty to the Leader was simply how things were, part of the AIs' programming and something that was never questioned. But this changed as soon as he developed humanity. Embracing the idea of Survival of the sneakiest Bastard Fittest, he promptly went about betraying and double-crossing his way through half the tribes in the Junkyard. He also became the heroes' favorite "persistent freak", out to kill them all!
As for the whole cannibal thing? Not so much a problem for him. An example in pathological issues, he's a selfish, sadistic bastard prone to bouts of jealousy and misanthropic attitudes. In particular, his hatred focuses on the women in his life, adding an unhealthy dose of misogynistic tendencies! Eager to cause others pain and firm in his belief that everyone's a bastard, he manipulates the people around him and turns on them without remorse. In his own mind, it's just a matter of survival, which TOTALLY justifies proverbially and literally backstabbing anyone he meets. In addition, he takes a little too much pleasure in devouring, bordering on the sexual. This...enjoyment of his meals is made more disturbing by the fact that he devours with his crotch. Or, rather, with a head attached to his crotch. WTH, Atlus?
Sample Post:
Nice place you've got here. No, I really mean it. Camp "Fuck You Die"? Heh. Cute name...doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it? Sounds like such a cheerful place to me! Looks like it, too. The sun is shining, the sky is blue...and hell, even the trees eat people! Place after my own heart. Literally, maybe.
And the locals? I'm used to brainless morons, but actual brainless morons? That's new. You stand around long enough and the meals deliver themselves! Too bad they taste like crap....and they're even too fucking stupid to scream when I rip them apart. Where's the fun in that? At least they're good for a laugh. And this easy to kill, might as well go for variety! "Gee, I bet that tree has tasty brains! Why don't you go check?" You'd be surprised how easy it is. Morons fall for it every time. Point them in the right direction and they walk right into their own deaths.
Still, it's not like most people are better. They march right off to their own deaths everyday, like good little soldiers. Don't stop to think about it, don't realize they've been played until the tree's eating them. We're all like them, in the long run. Pretend all you want, but we're all the same when it comes down to it. Those rotting messes out there? They're just us, stripped down to the very basics. They want brains and they don't bother thinking about it. The only question is, what'd they do if they knew that?
It'd be really stupid to hear one of these morons say something like, "Oh, but it's wrong to want to rip out their delicious brains and eat them! I don't really want to, but I have to do it!" They don't complain about doing what's natural -- that's life, morons! It doesn't matter, we're all devouring each other to survive. Sometimes it's just a lot less direct, but we all do it one way or another. People know deep down I'm right, so why not admit it?
Everyone wants things. You can't get them by half-assing it and playing nice with the other kiddies. You shove them out of your fucking way or you lose. Wait patiently in line and the guy in front of you gets what should be YOURS. You can't survive if you aren't willing to do whatever it takes. You can either shove them aside and eat them on the way down, or you can die waiting for a few scraps. Me, I'll do whatever I need to. And you know, I can appreciate these walking corpses. No whining about "honor" or "needless killing" -- honor just gets in the way and killing is just how things are. People can just suck it up. If it bothers them so much, they should just hurry up and die. I'd enjoy devouring those dumb bitches.
My name is Bat. Remember it.
Poll Vote!