(Untitled)

[noooodley]

last round gooooooooo /o/

Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!

Now VOTE. Aaaaaaaaand closed!

Comments

[for_ur_pleasure]

...I don't know ANY of these canons lulz.

Cassandra - You were ADORABLE and you get a BIG IN.

Jirou - OUT. Some of the jokes seemed forced, it was kinda jumpy and didn't really smooth out that well.

Nono - IN. It was cute and nice to read.

Arhu - You were an OUT. It was short and the jokes seemed too forced.

Ith - ABSTAIN. I'm wibbly on this one. You were too canon-reliant, but it was funny at times.

Cortana - IN. It's funny, flowed relatively well, and was just fun to read.

[dareyuudream]

[touches your icon, too]

[second_tonone]

Iyaaaaaaa~n.

[dareyuudream]

o-oh good, at least your icons don't make me want to sing like Misato's do

[haredresser]

INS were Cassandra, Nono, and Cortana, OUTS for everyone else.

Jirou, Arhu, and Ith McLongname: all three of you guys had really short apps that were choppy (Ith, not as much for yours.) Jirou and Arhu: you both had jokes that seemed forced and because of that, fell flat. Remember: the set-up is just as important as the punchline!

If you want more detailed crit, feel free to ask.

Ith

[haredresser]

If you would?

Re: Ith

[haredresser]

As a whole, I found that I had to try very hard for the application to keep my attention. It really feels like I'm reading a rough draft rather than a complete piece. Also, I have trouble pinpointing the voice, just because the app is so short; I never get the chance to get to know Ith.

The first two paragraphs really need to be put together and cleaned up. Schrödinger's cat was witty, but when you cut it apart it weakens what impact a single reference would have.

The third paragraph seems very canon-heavy, and the description of the canonical events just doesn't grab me. I get the joke, but you make me wade through a lot to get to it. It could be cut down and cleaned up.

The ear joke is a cute ending, but really needs more meat before it.

You have good ideas, but your execution can be a lot better! What you have is a decent first draft, it just needs a lot more meat to it. Give us something to read - what you have here is two paragraphs, essentially. That's really not enough for me to get a handle on your character's voice.

Re: Ith

[haredresser]

Thank you for the crit!

Ith's mode of speech is stylistically far more similar to formal writing than normal speech, with a touch the somewhat circuitous quality you often see in nineteenth-century prose. I tried to downplay this last as much as would be acceptably in-character, as, while it's cute in dialogue--especially if he has someone with more casual speech patterns and a similar sense of humor to play off of--it can be kind of tedious to read in bulk, and I felt that if the app went on for too long, then it would trend towards the tl;dr side rather more quickly than a character with a less formal voice would. In light of your comments, however, I'm thinking perhaps I should have played more with the Victorian-esque convolution? Or would that make it even more difficult to slog through?

[mud_on_lace]

Jirou and Arhu out, everyone else in.

[o_shi_spoiler]

oh my god it's a CASS and an ARHU and an ITH and OMG MY ROUUUUUND.

My ins went to Cassandra, Nono (t-the line about gravity omg.), Arhu (COME AND TALK TO ME WHEN YOU REAPP.) and Ith.

omgggggggggggggggg.

ENTIRELY UNSOLICITED SUGGESTIONS FOR ARHU

[tolls_a_requiem]

SO CAT, LOVE OF MY LIFE

Re: ENTIRELY UNSOLICITED SUGGESTIONS FOR ARHU

[o_shi_spoiler]

Thanks!

Re: ENTIRELY UNSOLICITED SUGGESTIONS FOR ARHU

[tolls_a_requiem]

And now, I shall touch you.

Because you apped Arhu.

*TOUCHES*