(no subject)
Baaaaaatch three, here by popular demand!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closeddd.
Name: Screw
Series: Neji/Screw
Age: 15
Canon: Welcome to the year 2034. Artificial human sex toys, designer drugs funded by private companies, and cryogenic freezing are all a reality. An interesting side effect of the cryogenic sleep is that a number of those who have undergone the process wake up with psychic powers. The mysterious company GERA has in its possession a number of these "revenants." By erasing their memories and training them to use their newfound powers, GERA has developed an unstoppable team of assassins. At least, that's their intent. But sometimes there's a glitch in the process. Like Screw.
Screw is a teenage boy who was frozen in the early 90's. When he woke up in GERA's labs, it was with the concept of just being a single screw in the machine of life echoing through his head. Taking "Screw" as his name instead of GERA's assigned number, he eventually ends up regaining enough of the memory of his death to realize that everything they've told him is a lie. He proceeds to bust out of the facilities and attempt to make his own life on the streets. Despite being a psychic on the run in a world forty years in his future, Screw is actually a fairly down-to-earth guy--his experiences have forced him to be responsible and adult beyond his physical age of 15, and he's pretty skilled at using his powers to his benefit. However, covers this inner maturity with loudmouthed and sarcastic wisecracks, foul language, and a tendency to hit people when they piss him off. Oh, and he's not above exploding a few heads with his mind.
Sample Post:
In your own head, no one can hear you scream.
Or at least that's probably the assumption you operate under. No one can hear your innermost thoughts of "Oh my god, Becky, look at her butt." I hate to break it to you, but not only is her ass not actually that big, I can hear you. So turn that mental image filter back on, crank the volume down, and stop projecting so goddamn much. I've got enough problems just dealing with the freaking toucans without worrying about the fact that you've got your mental filesharing button switched to "on." Who the hell gives birds psychic powers and the ability to influence people's minds before turning 'em loose on an unsuspecting public?
Okay, I mean, aside from Kellogg's.
I'll be the first to admit that this usually isn't my kind of thing. But apparently you all need a little help with that "not being taken advantage of by Toucan Sam's less savory cousins" thing. A hint: when these guys tell you to follow their noses, think for a minute where their noses actually point to. Down, right? That "treasure" sure as hell isn't fruit-flavored. Unless you put a condom on it first.
I'll give you all a minute to process that.
So now that we're all on the same page, let's talk prevention. No one wants the birds part of "the birds and the bees" to become literal, right? So here's what you can do. It's a lot like that meditation and visualization crap those self-help books love. Except we're not gonna visualize descending a flight of stairs or anything. Partly because I'm pretty sure you all would trip down your mental staircase and break your mental ankle like some sort of self-realized damsel in distress. So we're not imagining that. No, we're picturing toucan brains. Exploding. This is your brain, and this is your brain once it's been Screwed.
... shut up, that was totally funny. Badass at the very least. You just don't have any taste, that's all. Fuckers.
--no, shit, I didn't mean that literally! Put that brain down! Oh, gross!
Poll Vote!
Character: Batsu (spelled X, but read as Batsu)
Series: Screw
Character Age: 16
Canon: Screw is the story of young psychics frozen in time. More specifically, it's the story of Neji [Screw], who wakes up forty years after "dying" to discover that he is intended for use as a weapon. But this app isn't about him; it's about his brother's grandson, Batsu, also presumed dead and woken up years later.
Batsu is a former junkie whose eye exploded on a plane due to the contents of the drugs in his system. Fun times! Five years later, he's working for the evil corporation GERA as an assassin due to his incredible psychic abilities brought on by said drugs. Batsu is easily manipulated and kind of crazy and homicidal--he just loves violence and blood and making people explode, but who wouldn't? He's absolutely fascinated by people with abilities stronger than him, and if someone gets on his good side, he's as loyal as anything. But as to what his loyalty is worth... well, in addition to his mental instability, he's a complete freeloader who couldn't hold a job if his life depended on it--when he's not carving his name on his important people, he's goofing around being a lazy good-for-nothing with a real mouth on him. Luckily? He's also topped by almost everyone once you get him to calm down.
Sample Post:
OW FUCK. Is this some kind of screwed up welcoming committee or what? Don't get me wrong, I got nothin' against strippers or hookers or whatever, but these ones are really kinda diseased. And I think they're actually guys, you know? It's just hard to tell when the only boob they got is the stuff hanging off their chests in patches. THAT IS NOT SEXY. And, the worst part is, they won't take no for an answer. I don't want those kinds of diseases, man! I'm gonna live a long and healthy life, and it is NOT OKAY when diseased hookers try to bite my balls off. "Brains," my ass! The brain's in the other head, dickfungus!
Yeah, yeah, whatever, anyway, so sorry I had to demonstrate the location of the brain~. Those fuckers have pretty soft skulls, you know? Reeeeally easy to just rip apart and spray everywhere. And they're pretty diseased and crap but damn if that isn't cool how the little bits of them start wiggling back together. It's like a trip without the acid! This little maggot went to market, this little intestine went... wherever the fuck the rest of the rhyme says it went.
Anyway, I figure I should introduce myself. The name's Batsu, One-Eyed Batsu, and I don't work at a gas station any more, so your fuzzy purple-butted friends can stop asking to put $20 on pump 17. I'll take the $20, though, thank you very much~. Though if you need something exploded or someone's dreams entered, I'm your man. Hell, I'd do that shit for free, but I have an old decrepit to support in his oldness, so my blowing shit up has to come with a charge or with... interest. Lots of interest. Like blood and guts, hey, that's interesting, right? It's all about what makes you tick inside! Tick... tick... BOOM! SPLORT! And then it's everywhere, just like Christmas!
...Okay, you know what, screw the charge, anyway. HEY, CAMP FUCK YOU DIE, LET'S GO OUT IN STYLE! One-Eyed Batsu wants to play with your hookers and your fuzzy asses, and he isn't cleaning up the mess afterwards! Let's use that gas and set the place on FIRE! YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT LAKE, I--wait what. Hoooly shit. On second thought, let's wait for whatever I took to get out of my system before we dance, yeah? It must have been some pretty strong shit to make me see colors like that.
Poll Vote!
Name: Peppo
Series: Gankutsuou
Age: 15
Canon: Gankutsuou is a retelling of Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo utilizing aliens and crossdressing, intergalactic wars, and potentially hazardous amounts of gay. The year is 5053, the setting is Paris, and in the middle of the drama and untold amounts of wallpaper there is a mischevious French girl named Peppo. At least, she appears to be a mischevious French girl -- Peppo is much more than she appears. She is a gossip and a sneak, an underage seductress, and a part time spy for Luigi Vampa, a transplanetary crime lord. Her pastimes include working as a maid in an aristocratic household, stealing jewelry, and spying on Albert in the shower.
Although deceptive and often sarcastic, Peppo is playful enough to act as the series' comic relief and insightful enough to be its expositioner. Through her comments she reveals the other characters' secret thoughts and desires, their motives and pasts. Peppo's true feelings, however, are best revealed through her actions, which betray her sharp-edged words. Beneath the smirking exterior is a gentle, caring person... with the ability to be completely selfless for the few people she cares about.
[spoilers]Also, she has a penis~! Peppo is a boy in disguise, based off the character Beppo, who dresses as a girl to seduce and spy on nobles.[/spoilers]
Sample Post:
Hmmm~ There must be some mistake, I'm fairly certain I asked for a ticket to the countryside, not the garbage dump.
I could be wrong. I've heard the other maids say that the country is defined by the number of cowpies you have to step through to get to your lodgings, but I've never been anywhere that smelled this bad. Not even when the plumbing for that whole block backed up during the carnival on Luna. Which means that this place manages to smell worse than an extraplanetary settlement without a native water supply -- that's quite an achievement! Maybe this is where that judge involved in last month's scandal moved to, I hear he's up to his eyeballs in his own you~ know~ what~
Anyway, I'm here, so I might as well make the best of it and get to work. My job awaits! ♥
That's right, I'm here for a job... and if only counselors have jobs, of course I'm a counselor then, right? I may not look it, but I've got a lot more experience under my belt than you might think~ I'm supposed to monitor the showers, see? I brought soap, and it smells much better than you. In fact, I heard from the man who hired me that he thinks a certain hygene-impaired lackey is dipping into his profits. But that couldn't be you, now could it? You're far too handsome!
You say the Director is a woman? Well, man, woman, who can tell the difference these days, right? Now like I was saying, if you just bathed properly, you'd be so much more attractive to the ladies. And as for the rest of your appearance... well, I've got an idea or two, if you're willing to experiment~~
Uhm. I was thinking more along the lines of a cute hat or maybe an eyebrow wax. Other people's limbs really shouldn't be used as outerwear. And neither should my limbs. Don't touch, please~ I like for boys to take me to dinner first. No, no, I am not dinner! Are all country folk this rude? Keep your hands and your teeth to yourself. If you don't, I might just start missing Paris, and I never thought I'd say that.
Aa, Luigi put you up to this, didn't he? Even though I had a ticket to Provence. I paid, even! With a ring, a very pretty one, with emeralds in the... hey. It looks just like the one you're wearing. Where did you get that?!
... What on earth is a 'crackerjack box'?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Eugénie Danglars
Series: Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo
Age: 16
Canon: Gankutsuou is a the retelling of a classic tale about love, betrayal, and revenge, complete with a futuristic setting and wacky textile coloring schemes. The Count of Monte Cristo, a man shrouded in mystery, befriends the young and idealistic Albert de Morcerf, and from then on his life changes drastically. Despite all the things that happen to him, Albert stays true to his heart and his friends, among them the Baron Franz D'Epinay, a close acquaintance, and Eugénie Danglars, his former fiancé.
Eugénie Danglars, born and raised a Parisian aristocrat, is Albert and Franz's childhood friend. While still very much caught up in the aristocratic lifestyle (high fashion, frequent visits to the opera house, expensive taste, etc.) she is a rather calm and cool-headed young woman, though occasionally cynical. She tries to be logical and collected about everything, even when her life turns chaotic. That being said, she is also an extremely talented pianist who expresses her emotions through her art and maintains that one day she will be able to share her music with the world. After all, a girl's got to have her dreams, right?
Sample Post:
You know, for a while there, I was pretty convinced that I was back in Paris. The air's just about as smelly and the clothing just about as bizarre. Alright, alright, maybe French fashion's not that weird, but you have to admit there's a certain resemblance between what the models back home wear and what the girls around here are walking around in. Only, I think it's a little bit worse over here. Every girl who's walked by has been so skinny that I can see their rib cages! I know when someone says that, they're usually exaggerating, but trust me, I'm not kidding. They look like skeletons with pieces of skin and clothing hanging off their bones, and really, if you're going to do that in the first place you should at least make sure the colors match.
Sorry, sorry. I guess that was a little harsh of me, huh? Maybe it's just how unfamiliar this place is that's gotten to me. I was overjoyed when I got the invitation in the mail to come perform at the Seafud Opera House, so I've been practicing my new piano pieces for days in preparation. My fingers felt like they were about to fall off from all that playing... much like how yours just did. Um. You should probably get that looked at. But now that I'm here, I've come to two conclusions: either there was a mistake and this is actually the home of some new avant-garde fashion agency, or this has all been a hoax. You can see how I'm suspicious, can't you? It smells like there are dead things all over the place, and that can't be good for any of you.
If indeed it turns out that this place really is a fashion agency, I would like to speak with the managers and designers. Even if I'm not here to play the piano, I can't stand by while these models get treated like this. Listen, you girls should be eating three meals a day and I wouldn't be surprised if you've got some kind of disease spreading around, either. I'm not insulting any of you, I'm just horrified at the kind of treatment you're all getting. I know weight is an issue for the world of modeling, but there's really no excuse for this. I'd question this agency's taste in location next, but I think I've done enough damage and it's not my place to criticize.
Okay, maybe the Opera House is here and I'm just not seeing it. Or it's invisible. I'd really like to know, because I'm a sitting duck here otherwise. Excuse me, you in the green midriff! Can you give me directions to the nearest phone booth? My cell phone doesn't seem to be working. Oh, you speak a little French? Sure, I'd be happy to let you practice on m --
... I've heard "ooh la la~" a thousand times, so there's no need to make it a thousand and one, thank you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Junpei Iori
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3
Character Age: 16
Canon: Every night at midnight there is a secret hour, known as the Dark Hour, which is only known to a few people. Every night, the world stops--all technology ceases to work and Shadows run amok. The only thing stopping these shadows from destroying all of humanity? A handful of high school students called S. E. E. S., the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad, the best after school club ever. This is the premise behind Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3.
Junpei Iori is the hero of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3. He is charming, witty, attractive, charismatic, strong, intelligent, and courageous. At least, that's what he'll tell you. Anyone else will tell you that Junpei Iori is a side character--he is the Best Friend of The Hero; important, but not the hero himself by a long shot. He is the quintessential teenage male, cracking jokes and obsessing over girls. Junpei is able to turn everything into a joke, including an expository ghost story by treating it as a television show: Junpei's Believe It Or Don't. He also, sadly, is not very intelligent, preferring jokes, women and fighting Shadows to boring things like studying, taking tests and going to school. However, for all of his posturing, Junpei has an insecure streak a mile wide. He is often jealous of the main character's role as leader and his talented Persona use. Ultimately, though he is friendly and quick to apologize. In Junpei's world, almost nothing is so serious that it can't be cured by a visit to the beach and women in bikinis.
Sample Post:
Welcome to What the Hell is Wrong With This Place? I'm your host, Junpei Iori.
Friends, fans, creepy zombie guys, I ask you, what the hell is wrong with this place? Is this a Dark Hour thing? Is the Dark Hour happening in the middle of the day now? No one told me about that. Does that mean we get to skip school to go on missions and stuff? Sweet. I'd get to be all--What? What are you saying? You shouldn't interrupt the host you know? It's rude. What is "caaaaaaaaa"? That doesn't even make sense, dude. Could someone with a jaw tell me what he's trying to say? "Caaaaaaammmmmp"? Oh, camp! This is a camp? That's impossible, man. Where's the sun? Where's the fun? Shit, where's the anything? All that's here is mud and trees with underwear. Wait, what's that? Oh, a sign! Hah, that'll settle it! "Welcome to Camp..." -- how about that, you were right! -- "...located in sunny Louisiana!" Louisiana? Wait a minute. That's not Japanese. I'm in America? I'm in a summer camp in America? Man, this is awesome!
What should we do first? Oh, I know, let's go swimming! I saw this great lake back a little bit; it'll be great, man. A nice dip to cool off and we'll get to show off for any ladies that just happen to be sitting around in their bikinis. Man, I don't know why they're in their bikinis when there's no sun out. Who can explain American women? You'll go? Aw, yeah. Nothing can go wrong now. It's just right back here, see? Why are you shaking your heads? Come on, man, it's no big deal. I mean, sure, the water's kinda...green, but that's just 'cause it's all natural! You don't know what you're missing, all those ladies swarming up to you going 'oh, Mr. Zombie, that was such an impressive dive please show us again tee-hee!' All right, fine, don't swim, then. More water for Junpei!
CANNONB--
Oh god, abort! ABORT! RUN AWAY! You're laughing at me! Stop laughing, man, how was I supposed to know there was some kinda squid thing living there?
Man, this is bullshit! I don't know about any of you guys, but when I hear "Summer Camp in America," I think of the beach, and the sun, and most importantly, I think of blonde babes in Red, White, and Blue bikinis. I definitely do not think of swamps, tentacles and...i-is that a gorilla?
...
At least it got the bikini part right.
Poll Vote!
Character: Hinata Natsumi
Series: Keroro Gunsou/Sgt. Frog
Character Age: 17
Canon: Dispose of all logic and reason here-resistance is futile. Rich with meta and parodies, Keroro Gunsou deals with the ridiculous antics of a platoon of adorable, cracked-out alien frogs as they endeavor to control a human family (but really just end up living alongside them) and invade the earth (but really just get distracted by shinies and get nothing accomplished at all). Mission has not been, is not, and will never be accomplished.
Hinata Natsumi is in your base, topping your aliens mercilessly. Athletic, clever and extremely short-tempered, she's the boss of anywhere (and any dimension) she may visit and she knows it. Be it oppressing the frogs with house chores or dealing them an instant K.O., she makes sure that they understand that she is Not Impressed by any attempts at invasion. The only way they'll get to access to her sweet side (and her delicious homemade cooking) is if they obey her and behave. Still, Natsumi is very much a normal teenage girl who really just wants a normal life. She just always happens to be in the most bizarre situations she could ever not ask for.
Sample Post:
Jeeeeez! When did I become the only sane person on earth-no, anywhere? I try to go on one normal vacation and I just end up somewhere weird again! All I want is somewhere without tentacles or explosions or sentient lingerie... is that really so much to ask for? And what kind of name is "Camp Fuck Your Logic" anyway? If I find out that the stupid frog is behind this, he better get ready to croak.
To top it all off, I've had a bunch of creeps following me around everywhere I go ever since I got here... yes, you! And don't start groaning at me now. Can't you at least ask a girl her name first? Say her hair looks nice? Just once, I don't want to be referred to by my species or my home planet. Stupid aliens. It's not like it's even that hard! Oh, and you can keep saying that you like me for my brains, but if I catch you staring one more time, I won't forgive you. So pick your jaws off the floor already before I floor you. Honestly, the nerve...!
-What, you guys haven't left yet? Some people just can't take a hint... fine, you can stay, but you better pull your own weight. You, wipe that stupid smirk off your face and go wipe the windows! The last thing that this place needs is stained glass. And you, take care of all the clutter! Put your junk in that box or I'll really give you something to moan about. Oh, and you-okay, you look like you've got a good head on your shoulders. And keep it there, if you know what's good for you. Listen up! You're going to help me make something for everyone so that you guys don't look as freakish and malnourished. I feel bad just looking at you... but don't get the wrong impression! It's just easier on my eyes this way. And no complaining, either! It will be delicious cake, and you will eat it. Or else.
Huh? You don't know anything about making one? It's not like it takes brains to make stuff like this or anything. Don't worry, there's no way you can do it wrong if you follow Natsumi-sama's lead! ... hey, what do you mean my cake is a lie?! Do you think YOU can do better? Then let's see it! If you don't really put your heart into it, there's no way that you'll beat m-
... THAT'SNOTWHATIMEANTTHATDOESNOTCOUNTASASPECIALINGREDIENTahsg;dhf-QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH YOUR HEART and
GET. IT. OUT OF THERE!!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closeddd.
Name: Screw
Series: Neji/Screw
Age: 15
Canon: Welcome to the year 2034. Artificial human sex toys, designer drugs funded by private companies, and cryogenic freezing are all a reality. An interesting side effect of the cryogenic sleep is that a number of those who have undergone the process wake up with psychic powers. The mysterious company GERA has in its possession a number of these "revenants." By erasing their memories and training them to use their newfound powers, GERA has developed an unstoppable team of assassins. At least, that's their intent. But sometimes there's a glitch in the process. Like Screw.
Screw is a teenage boy who was frozen in the early 90's. When he woke up in GERA's labs, it was with the concept of just being a single screw in the machine of life echoing through his head. Taking "Screw" as his name instead of GERA's assigned number, he eventually ends up regaining enough of the memory of his death to realize that everything they've told him is a lie. He proceeds to bust out of the facilities and attempt to make his own life on the streets. Despite being a psychic on the run in a world forty years in his future, Screw is actually a fairly down-to-earth guy--his experiences have forced him to be responsible and adult beyond his physical age of 15, and he's pretty skilled at using his powers to his benefit. However, covers this inner maturity with loudmouthed and sarcastic wisecracks, foul language, and a tendency to hit people when they piss him off. Oh, and he's not above exploding a few heads with his mind.
Sample Post:
In your own head, no one can hear you scream.
Or at least that's probably the assumption you operate under. No one can hear your innermost thoughts of "Oh my god, Becky, look at her butt." I hate to break it to you, but not only is her ass not actually that big, I can hear you. So turn that mental image filter back on, crank the volume down, and stop projecting so goddamn much. I've got enough problems just dealing with the freaking toucans without worrying about the fact that you've got your mental filesharing button switched to "on." Who the hell gives birds psychic powers and the ability to influence people's minds before turning 'em loose on an unsuspecting public?
Okay, I mean, aside from Kellogg's.
I'll be the first to admit that this usually isn't my kind of thing. But apparently you all need a little help with that "not being taken advantage of by Toucan Sam's less savory cousins" thing. A hint: when these guys tell you to follow their noses, think for a minute where their noses actually point to. Down, right? That "treasure" sure as hell isn't fruit-flavored. Unless you put a condom on it first.
I'll give you all a minute to process that.
So now that we're all on the same page, let's talk prevention. No one wants the birds part of "the birds and the bees" to become literal, right? So here's what you can do. It's a lot like that meditation and visualization crap those self-help books love. Except we're not gonna visualize descending a flight of stairs or anything. Partly because I'm pretty sure you all would trip down your mental staircase and break your mental ankle like some sort of self-realized damsel in distress. So we're not imagining that. No, we're picturing toucan brains. Exploding. This is your brain, and this is your brain once it's been Screwed.
... shut up, that was totally funny. Badass at the very least. You just don't have any taste, that's all. Fuckers.
--no, shit, I didn't mean that literally! Put that brain down! Oh, gross!
Poll Vote!
Character: Batsu (spelled X, but read as Batsu)
Series: Screw
Character Age: 16
Canon: Screw is the story of young psychics frozen in time. More specifically, it's the story of Neji [Screw], who wakes up forty years after "dying" to discover that he is intended for use as a weapon. But this app isn't about him; it's about his brother's grandson, Batsu, also presumed dead and woken up years later.
Batsu is a former junkie whose eye exploded on a plane due to the contents of the drugs in his system. Fun times! Five years later, he's working for the evil corporation GERA as an assassin due to his incredible psychic abilities brought on by said drugs. Batsu is easily manipulated and kind of crazy and homicidal--he just loves violence and blood and making people explode, but who wouldn't? He's absolutely fascinated by people with abilities stronger than him, and if someone gets on his good side, he's as loyal as anything. But as to what his loyalty is worth... well, in addition to his mental instability, he's a complete freeloader who couldn't hold a job if his life depended on it--when he's not carving his name on his important people, he's goofing around being a lazy good-for-nothing with a real mouth on him. Luckily? He's also topped by almost everyone once you get him to calm down.
Sample Post:
OW FUCK. Is this some kind of screwed up welcoming committee or what? Don't get me wrong, I got nothin' against strippers or hookers or whatever, but these ones are really kinda diseased. And I think they're actually guys, you know? It's just hard to tell when the only boob they got is the stuff hanging off their chests in patches. THAT IS NOT SEXY. And, the worst part is, they won't take no for an answer. I don't want those kinds of diseases, man! I'm gonna live a long and healthy life, and it is NOT OKAY when diseased hookers try to bite my balls off. "Brains," my ass! The brain's in the other head, dickfungus!
Yeah, yeah, whatever, anyway, so sorry I had to demonstrate the location of the brain~. Those fuckers have pretty soft skulls, you know? Reeeeally easy to just rip apart and spray everywhere. And they're pretty diseased and crap but damn if that isn't cool how the little bits of them start wiggling back together. It's like a trip without the acid! This little maggot went to market, this little intestine went... wherever the fuck the rest of the rhyme says it went.
Anyway, I figure I should introduce myself. The name's Batsu, One-Eyed Batsu, and I don't work at a gas station any more, so your fuzzy purple-butted friends can stop asking to put $20 on pump 17. I'll take the $20, though, thank you very much~. Though if you need something exploded or someone's dreams entered, I'm your man. Hell, I'd do that shit for free, but I have an old decrepit to support in his oldness, so my blowing shit up has to come with a charge or with... interest. Lots of interest. Like blood and guts, hey, that's interesting, right? It's all about what makes you tick inside! Tick... tick... BOOM! SPLORT! And then it's everywhere, just like Christmas!
...Okay, you know what, screw the charge, anyway. HEY, CAMP FUCK YOU DIE, LET'S GO OUT IN STYLE! One-Eyed Batsu wants to play with your hookers and your fuzzy asses, and he isn't cleaning up the mess afterwards! Let's use that gas and set the place on FIRE! YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT LAKE, I--wait what. Hoooly shit. On second thought, let's wait for whatever I took to get out of my system before we dance, yeah? It must have been some pretty strong shit to make me see colors like that.
Poll Vote!
Name: Peppo
Series: Gankutsuou
Age: 15
Canon: Gankutsuou is a retelling of Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo utilizing aliens and crossdressing, intergalactic wars, and potentially hazardous amounts of gay. The year is 5053, the setting is Paris, and in the middle of the drama and untold amounts of wallpaper there is a mischevious French girl named Peppo. At least, she appears to be a mischevious French girl -- Peppo is much more than she appears. She is a gossip and a sneak, an underage seductress, and a part time spy for Luigi Vampa, a transplanetary crime lord. Her pastimes include working as a maid in an aristocratic household, stealing jewelry, and spying on Albert in the shower.
Although deceptive and often sarcastic, Peppo is playful enough to act as the series' comic relief and insightful enough to be its expositioner. Through her comments she reveals the other characters' secret thoughts and desires, their motives and pasts. Peppo's true feelings, however, are best revealed through her actions, which betray her sharp-edged words. Beneath the smirking exterior is a gentle, caring person... with the ability to be completely selfless for the few people she cares about.
[spoilers]Also, she has a penis~! Peppo is a boy in disguise, based off the character Beppo, who dresses as a girl to seduce and spy on nobles.[/spoilers]
Sample Post:
Hmmm~ There must be some mistake, I'm fairly certain I asked for a ticket to the countryside, not the garbage dump.
I could be wrong. I've heard the other maids say that the country is defined by the number of cowpies you have to step through to get to your lodgings, but I've never been anywhere that smelled this bad. Not even when the plumbing for that whole block backed up during the carnival on Luna. Which means that this place manages to smell worse than an extraplanetary settlement without a native water supply -- that's quite an achievement! Maybe this is where that judge involved in last month's scandal moved to, I hear he's up to his eyeballs in his own you~ know~ what~
Anyway, I'm here, so I might as well make the best of it and get to work. My job awaits! ♥
That's right, I'm here for a job... and if only counselors have jobs, of course I'm a counselor then, right? I may not look it, but I've got a lot more experience under my belt than you might think~ I'm supposed to monitor the showers, see? I brought soap, and it smells much better than you. In fact, I heard from the man who hired me that he thinks a certain hygene-impaired lackey is dipping into his profits. But that couldn't be you, now could it? You're far too handsome!
You say the Director is a woman? Well, man, woman, who can tell the difference these days, right? Now like I was saying, if you just bathed properly, you'd be so much more attractive to the ladies. And as for the rest of your appearance... well, I've got an idea or two, if you're willing to experiment~~
Uhm. I was thinking more along the lines of a cute hat or maybe an eyebrow wax. Other people's limbs really shouldn't be used as outerwear. And neither should my limbs. Don't touch, please~ I like for boys to take me to dinner first. No, no, I am not dinner! Are all country folk this rude? Keep your hands and your teeth to yourself. If you don't, I might just start missing Paris, and I never thought I'd say that.
Aa, Luigi put you up to this, didn't he? Even though I had a ticket to Provence. I paid, even! With a ring, a very pretty one, with emeralds in the... hey. It looks just like the one you're wearing. Where did you get that?!
... What on earth is a 'crackerjack box'?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Eugénie Danglars
Series: Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo
Age: 16
Canon: Gankutsuou is a the retelling of a classic tale about love, betrayal, and revenge, complete with a futuristic setting and wacky textile coloring schemes. The Count of Monte Cristo, a man shrouded in mystery, befriends the young and idealistic Albert de Morcerf, and from then on his life changes drastically. Despite all the things that happen to him, Albert stays true to his heart and his friends, among them the Baron Franz D'Epinay, a close acquaintance, and Eugénie Danglars, his former fiancé.
Eugénie Danglars, born and raised a Parisian aristocrat, is Albert and Franz's childhood friend. While still very much caught up in the aristocratic lifestyle (high fashion, frequent visits to the opera house, expensive taste, etc.) she is a rather calm and cool-headed young woman, though occasionally cynical. She tries to be logical and collected about everything, even when her life turns chaotic. That being said, she is also an extremely talented pianist who expresses her emotions through her art and maintains that one day she will be able to share her music with the world. After all, a girl's got to have her dreams, right?
Sample Post:
You know, for a while there, I was pretty convinced that I was back in Paris. The air's just about as smelly and the clothing just about as bizarre. Alright, alright, maybe French fashion's not that weird, but you have to admit there's a certain resemblance between what the models back home wear and what the girls around here are walking around in. Only, I think it's a little bit worse over here. Every girl who's walked by has been so skinny that I can see their rib cages! I know when someone says that, they're usually exaggerating, but trust me, I'm not kidding. They look like skeletons with pieces of skin and clothing hanging off their bones, and really, if you're going to do that in the first place you should at least make sure the colors match.
Sorry, sorry. I guess that was a little harsh of me, huh? Maybe it's just how unfamiliar this place is that's gotten to me. I was overjoyed when I got the invitation in the mail to come perform at the Seafud Opera House, so I've been practicing my new piano pieces for days in preparation. My fingers felt like they were about to fall off from all that playing... much like how yours just did. Um. You should probably get that looked at. But now that I'm here, I've come to two conclusions: either there was a mistake and this is actually the home of some new avant-garde fashion agency, or this has all been a hoax. You can see how I'm suspicious, can't you? It smells like there are dead things all over the place, and that can't be good for any of you.
If indeed it turns out that this place really is a fashion agency, I would like to speak with the managers and designers. Even if I'm not here to play the piano, I can't stand by while these models get treated like this. Listen, you girls should be eating three meals a day and I wouldn't be surprised if you've got some kind of disease spreading around, either. I'm not insulting any of you, I'm just horrified at the kind of treatment you're all getting. I know weight is an issue for the world of modeling, but there's really no excuse for this. I'd question this agency's taste in location next, but I think I've done enough damage and it's not my place to criticize.
Okay, maybe the Opera House is here and I'm just not seeing it. Or it's invisible. I'd really like to know, because I'm a sitting duck here otherwise. Excuse me, you in the green midriff! Can you give me directions to the nearest phone booth? My cell phone doesn't seem to be working. Oh, you speak a little French? Sure, I'd be happy to let you practice on m --
... I've heard "ooh la la~" a thousand times, so there's no need to make it a thousand and one, thank you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Junpei Iori
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3
Character Age: 16
Canon: Every night at midnight there is a secret hour, known as the Dark Hour, which is only known to a few people. Every night, the world stops--all technology ceases to work and Shadows run amok. The only thing stopping these shadows from destroying all of humanity? A handful of high school students called S. E. E. S., the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad, the best after school club ever. This is the premise behind Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3.
Junpei Iori is the hero of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3. He is charming, witty, attractive, charismatic, strong, intelligent, and courageous. At least, that's what he'll tell you. Anyone else will tell you that Junpei Iori is a side character--he is the Best Friend of The Hero; important, but not the hero himself by a long shot. He is the quintessential teenage male, cracking jokes and obsessing over girls. Junpei is able to turn everything into a joke, including an expository ghost story by treating it as a television show: Junpei's Believe It Or Don't. He also, sadly, is not very intelligent, preferring jokes, women and fighting Shadows to boring things like studying, taking tests and going to school. However, for all of his posturing, Junpei has an insecure streak a mile wide. He is often jealous of the main character's role as leader and his talented Persona use. Ultimately, though he is friendly and quick to apologize. In Junpei's world, almost nothing is so serious that it can't be cured by a visit to the beach and women in bikinis.
Sample Post:
Welcome to What the Hell is Wrong With This Place? I'm your host, Junpei Iori.
Friends, fans, creepy zombie guys, I ask you, what the hell is wrong with this place? Is this a Dark Hour thing? Is the Dark Hour happening in the middle of the day now? No one told me about that. Does that mean we get to skip school to go on missions and stuff? Sweet. I'd get to be all--What? What are you saying? You shouldn't interrupt the host you know? It's rude. What is "caaaaaaaaa"? That doesn't even make sense, dude. Could someone with a jaw tell me what he's trying to say? "Caaaaaaammmmmp"? Oh, camp! This is a camp? That's impossible, man. Where's the sun? Where's the fun? Shit, where's the anything? All that's here is mud and trees with underwear. Wait, what's that? Oh, a sign! Hah, that'll settle it! "Welcome to Camp..." -- how about that, you were right! -- "...located in sunny Louisiana!" Louisiana? Wait a minute. That's not Japanese. I'm in America? I'm in a summer camp in America? Man, this is awesome!
What should we do first? Oh, I know, let's go swimming! I saw this great lake back a little bit; it'll be great, man. A nice dip to cool off and we'll get to show off for any ladies that just happen to be sitting around in their bikinis. Man, I don't know why they're in their bikinis when there's no sun out. Who can explain American women? You'll go? Aw, yeah. Nothing can go wrong now. It's just right back here, see? Why are you shaking your heads? Come on, man, it's no big deal. I mean, sure, the water's kinda...green, but that's just 'cause it's all natural! You don't know what you're missing, all those ladies swarming up to you going 'oh, Mr. Zombie, that was such an impressive dive please show us again tee-hee!' All right, fine, don't swim, then. More water for Junpei!
CANNONB--
Oh god, abort! ABORT! RUN AWAY! You're laughing at me! Stop laughing, man, how was I supposed to know there was some kinda squid thing living there?
Man, this is bullshit! I don't know about any of you guys, but when I hear "Summer Camp in America," I think of the beach, and the sun, and most importantly, I think of blonde babes in Red, White, and Blue bikinis. I definitely do not think of swamps, tentacles and...i-is that a gorilla?
...
At least it got the bikini part right.
Poll Vote!
Character: Hinata Natsumi
Series: Keroro Gunsou/Sgt. Frog
Character Age: 17
Canon: Dispose of all logic and reason here-resistance is futile. Rich with meta and parodies, Keroro Gunsou deals with the ridiculous antics of a platoon of adorable, cracked-out alien frogs as they endeavor to control a human family (but really just end up living alongside them) and invade the earth (but really just get distracted by shinies and get nothing accomplished at all). Mission has not been, is not, and will never be accomplished.
Hinata Natsumi is in your base, topping your aliens mercilessly. Athletic, clever and extremely short-tempered, she's the boss of anywhere (and any dimension) she may visit and she knows it. Be it oppressing the frogs with house chores or dealing them an instant K.O., she makes sure that they understand that she is Not Impressed by any attempts at invasion. The only way they'll get to access to her sweet side (and her delicious homemade cooking) is if they obey her and behave. Still, Natsumi is very much a normal teenage girl who really just wants a normal life. She just always happens to be in the most bizarre situations she could ever not ask for.
Sample Post:
Jeeeeez! When did I become the only sane person on earth-no, anywhere? I try to go on one normal vacation and I just end up somewhere weird again! All I want is somewhere without tentacles or explosions or sentient lingerie... is that really so much to ask for? And what kind of name is "Camp Fuck Your Logic" anyway? If I find out that the stupid frog is behind this, he better get ready to croak.
To top it all off, I've had a bunch of creeps following me around everywhere I go ever since I got here... yes, you! And don't start groaning at me now. Can't you at least ask a girl her name first? Say her hair looks nice? Just once, I don't want to be referred to by my species or my home planet. Stupid aliens. It's not like it's even that hard! Oh, and you can keep saying that you like me for my brains, but if I catch you staring one more time, I won't forgive you. So pick your jaws off the floor already before I floor you. Honestly, the nerve...!
-What, you guys haven't left yet? Some people just can't take a hint... fine, you can stay, but you better pull your own weight. You, wipe that stupid smirk off your face and go wipe the windows! The last thing that this place needs is stained glass. And you, take care of all the clutter! Put your junk in that box or I'll really give you something to moan about. Oh, and you-okay, you look like you've got a good head on your shoulders. And keep it there, if you know what's good for you. Listen up! You're going to help me make something for everyone so that you guys don't look as freakish and malnourished. I feel bad just looking at you... but don't get the wrong impression! It's just easier on my eyes this way. And no complaining, either! It will be delicious cake, and you will eat it. Or else.
Huh? You don't know anything about making one? It's not like it takes brains to make stuff like this or anything. Don't worry, there's no way you can do it wrong if you follow Natsumi-sama's lead! ... hey, what do you mean my cake is a lie?! Do you think YOU can do better? Then let's see it! If you don't really put your heart into it, there's no way that you'll beat m-
... THAT'SNOTWHATIMEANTTHATDOESNOTCOUNTASASPECIALINGREDIENTahsg;dhf-QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH YOUR HEART and
GET. IT. OUT OF THERE!!
Poll Vote!