(no subject)
WHOOPS I'M SLACKING here's another batch /o/
EDIT: JURI'S ROUND IS STILL OPEN GUYS go vote thar too m'kay
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Malik Ishtar
Series: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Character Age: 16
Canon: Action! Drama! Romance! Card games! ...More card games! Yu-Gi-Oh! has it all. The story revolves around diminutive hero Yuugi Mutou and the sexy ancient Egyptian pharaoh that lives in his jewelery. Together, they play through obstacles and endless opponents, in order to collect various ancient Egyptian artifacts to restore the Pharaoh's memories and on the way, build friendships that will last for lifetimes. Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad, and while you're going around playing card games, it's pretty inevitable that you're going to make vaguely psychotic enemies hellbent on destroying your life forever. It is in this effect that we first come to meet Malik Ishtar!
Malik is one of the last members of an ancient Egyptian family who dedicate their lives to preserving the Pharaoh's memory, but seems much more like a run-of-the-mill bratty psycho at his introduction. However! After a series of misadventures, it's revealed that Malik's crazy, sadistic split personality has been overshadowing his squishy marshmallow center- deeper down he's a sweet, caring, self-sacrificial person who loves his family a whole lot. After being essentially JESUS'D in the FACE, Malik realizes that instead of focusing so much on his past he should live life in the present, and heads back to Egypt to start a new life.
NOTE: I'm taking Malik from after Battle City! So yes, he's over his unfortunate case of the crazies.
Sample Post:
'Camp Fuck You Die! Come because the Director makes you, stay because the Director makes you!' is probably the worst slogan I've ever heard. Then again, it's pretty fitting, considering this whole place. I could overlook the name, the mysterious shadowy figure in the trees over there, and even the way your lake is glowing. But you're still running a summer camp under six feet of snow, and that's not how to act if you want to get a reputation for quality.
Not that your quality standards weren't clear already. If you're putting up signs that say "De Nile ----> No longer just a river in Egypt, mon!", then you're already being inaccurate. The Nile really is just a river in Egypt, and the last time I checked, it wasn't running through anyone's closet. Obviously the sign you put up is wrong. Besides, your river is neon pink and filled with... eyeballs? Assorted body parts? I don't actually want to know what that stuff is, but it doesn't matter. The point is, the actual river isn't like that. And I am perfectly qualified to offer my opinion on this matter, thank you very much. I've seen it in person, since I'm from Egypt. And-- that wasn't an invitation to start breaking out into song. What are you even trying to accomplish by--
... No, that song is misleading. Even if you're a zombie, you should know that Egyptians don't walk any differently from anyone else. No, having your brains falling out of your skull doesn't excuse you for it either! I've been walking normally since I got here, and I'm not likely to stop walking normally any time soon. I think I'll walk normally away from you now, and-- why are you trying to give me bandages? I don't need any bandages. These can't be for you either, since it's not like you're losing any blood, and most of your limbs are already gone... No, I'm not going to mummify you! I don't even know how to mummify someone, we don't do that anymore. Can't you and your zombie wife just leave me alone? ...What, you're going to be offended by my use of the words 'zombie wife' now? I wouldn't think that you'd be so concerned with political correctness, since- fine, I'll rephrase.
I respect that you and your non-gender-specific, living-impaired life partner have the right to choose, but right now I want you to exercise that right to choose much, much farther away from me.
Poll Vote!
Character: Marty McFly
Series: Back to the Future (Trilogy)
Character Age: 17
Canon: Time travel is a bitch. Okay, so making the trip in a bitchin' DeLorean car might be seven shades of awesome, but getting back to the future when you're lacking the necessary 88 mph speed or the 1.21 gigawatts of power? Can be a real pain in the ass. Especially when you're already attempting to undo the damage that your time-traveling accidentally caused in the first place. 80s teenager Marty McFly knows that all too well; the first movie has him accidentally teleported to 1955, where he prevents his parents from meeting and endangers his own existence. And it just gets more complicated in the sequels. Fortunately, no matter which era he ends up in, he's usually got mad scientist "Doc" Brown to help him out, and everything turns out for the better. Most of the time.
Marty himself is a fairly average kid from 1985, complete with catchy 80s slang ("This is heavy!"), crazy fashion, and some pretty mad skateboarding skills. As the protagonist of the series, he is primarily an observer to the crazy shit going down around him, especially when it comes to Doc Brown's crazy experiments and the consequences thereof. He never quite intends to get in the middle of things ... but somehow it just happens anyway. As a teenager, he's understandably impulsive and more than a little brash, especially when someone calls him a coward. Otherwise, he just takes this crazy time-traveling thing one step at a time -- when he isn't panicking over the fact that he's just woken up in bed next to his teenaged mother, or something equally weird. But then again, who wouldn't?
Sample Post:
Whoa. This is heavy.
I really hope you're getting this, Doc. The picture's pretty warped 'cause I kinda dropped the camcorder in the swamp when I first got here, but I'm pretty damn sure that swamp water can't conjure up a bunch of zombies. We've definitely seen a lot of strange stuff before, but usually I kinda know what I'm getting into before something crazy happens. Y'know, like the time when you told me you were doing an experiment. The time traveling was kinda unexpected, yeah, but at least I knew something was probably gonna go down. This? Was definitely not expected. I mean, I was just late for school this morning! Usually when I'm trying to skateboard into town, I don't randomly end up in the middle of a swamp.
That was all before the zombies started showing up. I almost thought I'd just ended up in a Michael Jackson video, 'cause the first thing they did? Was start dancing. Pretty good dancing, actually. I mean, I've never actually seen dead guys doing the moonwalk up close before, but these dudes have some style. See that zombie on the end, with the Froot Loops bird headbanging on his shoulder? He gave me this packet with this heavy flat thing inside, plus a note from somebody calling herself a Director. Something about everybody being issued a shotgun and a lap-something computer, but all I got was this heavy flat thing. Figures. It doesn't look a thing like the new Apple IIc that Dad picked up last week.
Except ... hang on a second. That zombie with the toucan just cracked the thing open. Pretty sure that wasn't what he was actually trying to do. Plastic would be bad for my teeth, and mine aren't even rotting. I think it's actually some kinda advanced TV-newspaper thing, cause there's a bunch of articles by a company called 4 Channel up on screen. And the date in the corner says -- January 4th, 2008?
Waitaminute! That's gotta be a mistake, right? There's no way that just skateboarding around could trigger something crazy, right Doc? It's not like you'd install a flux capacitor on my skateboard without telling me about it. Maybe.
And besides, how the hell am I supposed to get a skateboard up to 88 miles per hour? Tie it to one of the zombies? Trust me, they're not moonwalking that quickly.
Poll Vote!
Character: The Medicine Seller
Series: Mononoke (Wikipedia link)
Character Age: ~20-ish [unknown immortal]
Canon: Mononoke is the story of a medicine seller that kills mononoke (spiritual creatures [ayakashi] that have absorbed a human's grudge and cause trouble). In order to draw the sword for his exorcisms, the Medicine Seller must first discover his target's Form (what kind of mononoke), its Truth (how it came to be), and its Regret (the reason it lingers on in malevolence). No one knows WHY he hunts, but it's something he takes very seriously, without much concern for collateral damage.
The Medicine Seller claims to be an ordinary man despite his power (an "other self" that appears when his sword is drawn and kills the mononoke); while he tends to hold himself rather detached from others unless a mononoke hunt is involved, he also tends to mock folks rather than help them and prefers to needle egos while nursing a fairly healthy one of his own. He has been known to show pity for those trapped in horrible situations, though he never lets that get in the way of his exorcisms. And he talks sort of like a Japanese William Shatner: lots of random pauses, weird sentence breaks, and a tendency to interrupt himself.
Sample Post:
Well, well: I was lead to believe that there were ... a number of mononoke. In this particular area. It seems I was incorrect. While there are a number of creatures in this area, they are rather ... pitiful, in comparison, to a true mononoke. They have Form, but lack the Truth and the Regret that would make them ... interesting. I have sold a number of creams that are very good for ... many skin-conditions. And yet. They hardly seem to have an effect. Well. They are normally meant for the living, after all. They mustn't fuss so: I sell medicine, not miracles.
Yet there is something here. Certainly, the distress that surrounds this place implies that ... (Perhaps the Director herself? "A woman's rage might turn her into an oni" ... indeed. Or perhaps one of the campers she holds here in thrall. With this many trapped ... perhaps. Perhaps not. There are many places for mononoke to hide, especially for those who may change their shape as they see fit.) Or -- ah. Maybe the Form of the mononoke in this place would be the "Hyakki Yagyou": not one, but many. A parade of creatures that walk through the night, carousing and causing all sorts of ... mischief.
... That was a joke, Ms. Director.
I simply point this out because, after all ... a pandemonium like this only calls more chaos to itself, doesn't it. And these creatures which take the Form of 'zombie' are. Well. Perhaps they're drawn to what they sense here. Or maybe they wish to ... sample my wares? After all, I have a wide variety. For all sorts of ... problems. Even if they cannot revive the dead, they might be ... useful. For problematic parts of the living. In particular, I have certain ... helpful items a bride might be interested in, on her wedding-night. Things that a young groom might find ... uplifting.
Such things are banned here? Ah. Pity.
However, I must confess that the mononoke situation here is ... intriguing, even if the "zombies" are ... ah. Not. One cannot always predict a mononoke's Truth, after all: it is often very ... different ... from those of humans, or even those of ayakashi. All of it comes to light eventually. Perhaps with enough persistence, the Form, the Truth, and the Regret of the mononoke that haunts his area will come to light. And if it does ... well. I promise it will be ... properly taken care of. At once.
There are all manner of strange creatures here, but I ... am just an ordinary medicine seller.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Honlon (Kanan, Shuko and Junrei)
Series: Petshop of Horrors
Character Age: Technically 1 or so! Appears as a little girl.
Canon: Welcome to Chinatown! Take in the sounds, smells, and exotic sights, and don't forget to stop by Count D's pet shop, where love and dreams are sold in the form of wondrous creatures. Like all good things in life, though, these have a catch. Upon buying a creature, customers must sign a contract containing a fixed set of rules, the breaking of which may lead to ruin, death…or worse. However, even when people are faced with these choices, not to mention a mysterious incense that causes them to see the pets in human form, a surprising number are willing to sign.
Among the creatures in the Count's menagerie are dragons, creatures whose personalities are affected by whoever handles them in the egg. Honlon is no exception, and the result is that her three heads each possess a different name and mindset. Kanan is angry, violent, and bitingly sarcastic; Junrei is childish, timid, and prone to crying; and Shuko is a reflection of Count D himself, enigmatic, wise, and a little eerie. As the three heads each have different outlooks on any situation, violent arguing tends to ensue between them-not to mention a lot of hair-pulling when Honlon is in human form. Thankfully, as a little girl, she has only one head, though this does not make conversation any less confusing.
Sample Post:
All right, you damned puny undead humans, my name is Kanan and you're making me ANGRY. How dare you kidnap me from my chambers to this miserable mudpit of a stinking swamp?! No matter now afraid you are of her, I'd like to inform you that your Director's got nothing on me, you ignorant bunch of peons. She's going to regret keeping me here, and so are you, because your puny efforts to beat me are absolutely useless! Whether it's one fish, two fish, red fish or blue fish, I can take any sea life you try to hit me with! And even if you upgrade to land creatures, it won't work! Look at me now, disappearing your cow--and where is your cow, you ask? I've eaten it n--OW! Who the heck puts gears in these things?! I'm going to make you sorry you were ever BORN!!
K-Kanan, please don't be so violent! Can't we all just get along for a minute without anybody getting hurt? I mean, I'm certain that there's a possibly terrible reason for all this, b-but if you get rid of them all, who can we ask for help to get home? S-see, maybe they'll be friendly, this one's even introducing himself ... Mr. GraaAAAaargh, I'm sorry Kanan yelled your ears off, but I'm sure if you pick them up they'll soon be good as new. Can you hear me now? If you can, then what she really meant to say was--AAAAH STOP YANKING ON OUR HAIR SOB!
And n-no, Mr. GraaAAAaargh, you misunderstand! Thinking about you doesn't make me touch myself, I just need her to stop for a minute! P-please don't come near--KYAAA!
WASN'T ONE DEFEAT ENOUGH, FOOLS?! Need I spell out the situation for you? HERE! THERE! BE! DRAGOOOOOOOOOOOOONS! Trying to lay your rotten hands on us ... why, you're not even worth devouring, are you?! I might catch your apparent idiocy if I try. And while we're on the subject, you're jealous of the fact that I actually have brains, huh? Yeah, I also know we've got a spare--stop being a baby about it, Junrei!--but I'm sure not giving you any head, imbeciles! Take THAT, and THAT, STAY over there, and HAVE your little undead puppy too ...
... pardon us, sirs. My name is Shuko, and I apologize for my sisters' regrettably crude behavior. You may certainly rest assured that we will not, ah, what is the term? 'Triple-team' you fine, shambling, slightly unhinged fellows. Oh my. I do believe you were only doing your jobs, and you can hardly be faulted for performing them impeccably! Won't you come a little closer, and take a seat on some of that rock's less suggestive outcroppings? I'm sure we can have a proper discussion, and perhaps come to some more ... mm ... palatable understanding of this place.
Never fear: despite anything Kanan might say, I promise you I am strictly vegetarian. ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Totetsu/Tetsu/T-chan
Series: Petshop of Horrors
Character Age: IMMORTAL but appears to be aboout sixteenish in human form
Canon: Should you take a walk down the streets of Los Angeles, you might choose to turn into Chinatown, the place which houses the most exotic, alluring mysteries of the city. And should you happen to pass by a large door, you may just notice the sign that hangs above it, proclaiming it to be Count D's petshop. Step inside and you will meet the owner of this establishment: an androgynous beauty clad in Chinese robes who will sell you love, dreams, and your heart's desire. However! Each pet comes with a contract of three clauses (for your own safety, really) and if by any chance, you break one of them... well, that's not the point really. After all, how hard can it be to follow three simple rules?
T-chan, short for Tetsu or Totetsu, is one of D's prized pets. The totetsu is a creature with the face of a man, the fangs of a tiger, and the horns and body of a sheep or goat. His humanoid form is revealed by D's magical incense: T-chan is a boy that appears to be around sixteen or so, with large horns, sharp claws, and a very short temper. He's loud, brash, tough, and occasionally, sekritly a woobie for Leon's little brother, Chris. T-chan is also an extraordinary chef, able to create many dishes thought to be lost or legendary, though he's particularly fond of fine cuisine a la vore.
Sample Post:
Come on, you've gotta be kidding me. I got promised an all-you-can-eat buffet, see. I got promised an all-you-can-eat buffet and what do I get? DEAD PEOPLE. Shit, rotten meat tastes horrible. Humans have an expiration date too: "Do not eat after two days dead," y'know? I think I have what used to be someone's Achilles tendon stuck between my teeth. Yech. I want my buffet, but obviously I'm in the wrong place for it.
What, do I need to do everything myself around here? Fine, fine, it's nothing new to me. You lot are in for a real treat. But first, I'm going to need some...help. So, volunteers? Anyone? Anyone? Great! I don't care if your friend shoved you forward or not, just kindly take yourself apart. Neatly please, legs on this leaf, arms on that leaf, and if you'd bounce your head over to that rock, it'd be nice.
Now, let's see. You all fail at self-preservation... I don't think I can really use any part of this one but the legs. The left thigh's gone so bad I doubt even deep-frying it's going to help the flavor, but the right's okay. 'Course, for human males, the best meat is the pectorals, you know? Sweet and firm, and when torn fresh off the ribs? Mmm. Still, I guess beggars can't be choosers. Not that I'm a beggar, nope; it's just that when my prey seems to be missing all the meat from his chest, well, one's gotta settle for next best. I should at least be able to find some herbs around here to hide the tas--uh, season the meat, yeah. Some oregano, a touch of basil, and a whole ton of garlic and onions ought to do the tri--hey, hey, HEY! Stop that and get off my garnish! I don't care if the herbal essences give you more body and bounce, you're going to ruin them ...Dammit! See, what did I tell you? Anyone else got any bright ideas for what I can use now?
Brains, you say? Hmm, not a bad idea. Not for seasoning, but maybe as an appetizer. Monkey brains are considered a delicacy in China, you know. They strap a monkey to a table with its head poking up through a hole, and the humans eat it while the monkey's still alive. Creative, isn't it? I could replicate that here...minus the table, probably, but it's the thought that counts. A gorilla's brain is close enough to a monkey's, purple or not, so I'll use that. Presentation's going to be hard in a place like this, though. A good chef knows how to present each meal appetizingly, but come on, don't expect too much from one that has zombie flesh for the main course.
Right, let's see now. I've got a main dish of roasted zombie thigh with a side of tasty tossed toe salad. An appetizer of gorilla brains and ... right, dessert. Anyone want to lend me a hand? Sweet. Not really what I meant but, hey, if you're going to take it so literally, who am I to refuse such a great offer? And you look like you used to be female-- even better. I bet none of you've ever had tiramisu with real ladyfingers. Trust me, it's a treat you'll never forget.
Poll Vote!
EDIT: JURI'S ROUND IS STILL OPEN GUYS go vote thar too m'kay
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Malik Ishtar
Series: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Character Age: 16
Canon: Action! Drama! Romance! Card games! ...More card games! Yu-Gi-Oh! has it all. The story revolves around diminutive hero Yuugi Mutou and the sexy ancient Egyptian pharaoh that lives in his jewelery. Together, they play through obstacles and endless opponents, in order to collect various ancient Egyptian artifacts to restore the Pharaoh's memories and on the way, build friendships that will last for lifetimes. Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad, and while you're going around playing card games, it's pretty inevitable that you're going to make vaguely psychotic enemies hellbent on destroying your life forever. It is in this effect that we first come to meet Malik Ishtar!
Malik is one of the last members of an ancient Egyptian family who dedicate their lives to preserving the Pharaoh's memory, but seems much more like a run-of-the-mill bratty psycho at his introduction. However! After a series of misadventures, it's revealed that Malik's crazy, sadistic split personality has been overshadowing his squishy marshmallow center- deeper down he's a sweet, caring, self-sacrificial person who loves his family a whole lot. After being essentially JESUS'D in the FACE, Malik realizes that instead of focusing so much on his past he should live life in the present, and heads back to Egypt to start a new life.
NOTE: I'm taking Malik from after Battle City! So yes, he's over his unfortunate case of the crazies.
Sample Post:
'Camp Fuck You Die! Come because the Director makes you, stay because the Director makes you!' is probably the worst slogan I've ever heard. Then again, it's pretty fitting, considering this whole place. I could overlook the name, the mysterious shadowy figure in the trees over there, and even the way your lake is glowing. But you're still running a summer camp under six feet of snow, and that's not how to act if you want to get a reputation for quality.
Not that your quality standards weren't clear already. If you're putting up signs that say "De Nile ----> No longer just a river in Egypt, mon!", then you're already being inaccurate. The Nile really is just a river in Egypt, and the last time I checked, it wasn't running through anyone's closet. Obviously the sign you put up is wrong. Besides, your river is neon pink and filled with... eyeballs? Assorted body parts? I don't actually want to know what that stuff is, but it doesn't matter. The point is, the actual river isn't like that. And I am perfectly qualified to offer my opinion on this matter, thank you very much. I've seen it in person, since I'm from Egypt. And-- that wasn't an invitation to start breaking out into song. What are you even trying to accomplish by--
... No, that song is misleading. Even if you're a zombie, you should know that Egyptians don't walk any differently from anyone else. No, having your brains falling out of your skull doesn't excuse you for it either! I've been walking normally since I got here, and I'm not likely to stop walking normally any time soon. I think I'll walk normally away from you now, and-- why are you trying to give me bandages? I don't need any bandages. These can't be for you either, since it's not like you're losing any blood, and most of your limbs are already gone... No, I'm not going to mummify you! I don't even know how to mummify someone, we don't do that anymore. Can't you and your zombie wife just leave me alone? ...What, you're going to be offended by my use of the words 'zombie wife' now? I wouldn't think that you'd be so concerned with political correctness, since- fine, I'll rephrase.
I respect that you and your non-gender-specific, living-impaired life partner have the right to choose, but right now I want you to exercise that right to choose much, much farther away from me.
Poll Vote!
Character: Marty McFly
Series: Back to the Future (Trilogy)
Character Age: 17
Canon: Time travel is a bitch. Okay, so making the trip in a bitchin' DeLorean car might be seven shades of awesome, but getting back to the future when you're lacking the necessary 88 mph speed or the 1.21 gigawatts of power? Can be a real pain in the ass. Especially when you're already attempting to undo the damage that your time-traveling accidentally caused in the first place. 80s teenager Marty McFly knows that all too well; the first movie has him accidentally teleported to 1955, where he prevents his parents from meeting and endangers his own existence. And it just gets more complicated in the sequels. Fortunately, no matter which era he ends up in, he's usually got mad scientist "Doc" Brown to help him out, and everything turns out for the better. Most of the time.
Marty himself is a fairly average kid from 1985, complete with catchy 80s slang ("This is heavy!"), crazy fashion, and some pretty mad skateboarding skills. As the protagonist of the series, he is primarily an observer to the crazy shit going down around him, especially when it comes to Doc Brown's crazy experiments and the consequences thereof. He never quite intends to get in the middle of things ... but somehow it just happens anyway. As a teenager, he's understandably impulsive and more than a little brash, especially when someone calls him a coward. Otherwise, he just takes this crazy time-traveling thing one step at a time -- when he isn't panicking over the fact that he's just woken up in bed next to his teenaged mother, or something equally weird. But then again, who wouldn't?
Sample Post:
Whoa. This is heavy.
I really hope you're getting this, Doc. The picture's pretty warped 'cause I kinda dropped the camcorder in the swamp when I first got here, but I'm pretty damn sure that swamp water can't conjure up a bunch of zombies. We've definitely seen a lot of strange stuff before, but usually I kinda know what I'm getting into before something crazy happens. Y'know, like the time when you told me you were doing an experiment. The time traveling was kinda unexpected, yeah, but at least I knew something was probably gonna go down. This? Was definitely not expected. I mean, I was just late for school this morning! Usually when I'm trying to skateboard into town, I don't randomly end up in the middle of a swamp.
That was all before the zombies started showing up. I almost thought I'd just ended up in a Michael Jackson video, 'cause the first thing they did? Was start dancing. Pretty good dancing, actually. I mean, I've never actually seen dead guys doing the moonwalk up close before, but these dudes have some style. See that zombie on the end, with the Froot Loops bird headbanging on his shoulder? He gave me this packet with this heavy flat thing inside, plus a note from somebody calling herself a Director. Something about everybody being issued a shotgun and a lap-something computer, but all I got was this heavy flat thing. Figures. It doesn't look a thing like the new Apple IIc that Dad picked up last week.
Except ... hang on a second. That zombie with the toucan just cracked the thing open. Pretty sure that wasn't what he was actually trying to do. Plastic would be bad for my teeth, and mine aren't even rotting. I think it's actually some kinda advanced TV-newspaper thing, cause there's a bunch of articles by a company called 4 Channel up on screen. And the date in the corner says -- January 4th, 2008?
Waitaminute! That's gotta be a mistake, right? There's no way that just skateboarding around could trigger something crazy, right Doc? It's not like you'd install a flux capacitor on my skateboard without telling me about it. Maybe.
And besides, how the hell am I supposed to get a skateboard up to 88 miles per hour? Tie it to one of the zombies? Trust me, they're not moonwalking that quickly.
Poll Vote!
Character: The Medicine Seller
Series: Mononoke (Wikipedia link)
Character Age: ~20-ish [unknown immortal]
Canon: Mononoke is the story of a medicine seller that kills mononoke (spiritual creatures [ayakashi] that have absorbed a human's grudge and cause trouble). In order to draw the sword for his exorcisms, the Medicine Seller must first discover his target's Form (what kind of mononoke), its Truth (how it came to be), and its Regret (the reason it lingers on in malevolence). No one knows WHY he hunts, but it's something he takes very seriously, without much concern for collateral damage.
The Medicine Seller claims to be an ordinary man despite his power (an "other self" that appears when his sword is drawn and kills the mononoke); while he tends to hold himself rather detached from others unless a mononoke hunt is involved, he also tends to mock folks rather than help them and prefers to needle egos while nursing a fairly healthy one of his own. He has been known to show pity for those trapped in horrible situations, though he never lets that get in the way of his exorcisms. And he talks sort of like a Japanese William Shatner: lots of random pauses, weird sentence breaks, and a tendency to interrupt himself.
Sample Post:
Well, well: I was lead to believe that there were ... a number of mononoke. In this particular area. It seems I was incorrect. While there are a number of creatures in this area, they are rather ... pitiful, in comparison, to a true mononoke. They have Form, but lack the Truth and the Regret that would make them ... interesting. I have sold a number of creams that are very good for ... many skin-conditions. And yet. They hardly seem to have an effect. Well. They are normally meant for the living, after all. They mustn't fuss so: I sell medicine, not miracles.
Yet there is something here. Certainly, the distress that surrounds this place implies that ... (Perhaps the Director herself? "A woman's rage might turn her into an oni" ... indeed. Or perhaps one of the campers she holds here in thrall. With this many trapped ... perhaps. Perhaps not. There are many places for mononoke to hide, especially for those who may change their shape as they see fit.) Or -- ah. Maybe the Form of the mononoke in this place would be the "Hyakki Yagyou": not one, but many. A parade of creatures that walk through the night, carousing and causing all sorts of ... mischief.
... That was a joke, Ms. Director.
I simply point this out because, after all ... a pandemonium like this only calls more chaos to itself, doesn't it. And these creatures which take the Form of 'zombie' are. Well. Perhaps they're drawn to what they sense here. Or maybe they wish to ... sample my wares? After all, I have a wide variety. For all sorts of ... problems. Even if they cannot revive the dead, they might be ... useful. For problematic parts of the living. In particular, I have certain ... helpful items a bride might be interested in, on her wedding-night. Things that a young groom might find ... uplifting.
Such things are banned here? Ah. Pity.
However, I must confess that the mononoke situation here is ... intriguing, even if the "zombies" are ... ah. Not. One cannot always predict a mononoke's Truth, after all: it is often very ... different ... from those of humans, or even those of ayakashi. All of it comes to light eventually. Perhaps with enough persistence, the Form, the Truth, and the Regret of the mononoke that haunts his area will come to light. And if it does ... well. I promise it will be ... properly taken care of. At once.
There are all manner of strange creatures here, but I ... am just an ordinary medicine seller.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Honlon (Kanan, Shuko and Junrei)
Series: Petshop of Horrors
Character Age: Technically 1 or so! Appears as a little girl.
Canon: Welcome to Chinatown! Take in the sounds, smells, and exotic sights, and don't forget to stop by Count D's pet shop, where love and dreams are sold in the form of wondrous creatures. Like all good things in life, though, these have a catch. Upon buying a creature, customers must sign a contract containing a fixed set of rules, the breaking of which may lead to ruin, death…or worse. However, even when people are faced with these choices, not to mention a mysterious incense that causes them to see the pets in human form, a surprising number are willing to sign.
Among the creatures in the Count's menagerie are dragons, creatures whose personalities are affected by whoever handles them in the egg. Honlon is no exception, and the result is that her three heads each possess a different name and mindset. Kanan is angry, violent, and bitingly sarcastic; Junrei is childish, timid, and prone to crying; and Shuko is a reflection of Count D himself, enigmatic, wise, and a little eerie. As the three heads each have different outlooks on any situation, violent arguing tends to ensue between them-not to mention a lot of hair-pulling when Honlon is in human form. Thankfully, as a little girl, she has only one head, though this does not make conversation any less confusing.
Sample Post:
All right, you damned puny undead humans, my name is Kanan and you're making me ANGRY. How dare you kidnap me from my chambers to this miserable mudpit of a stinking swamp?! No matter now afraid you are of her, I'd like to inform you that your Director's got nothing on me, you ignorant bunch of peons. She's going to regret keeping me here, and so are you, because your puny efforts to beat me are absolutely useless! Whether it's one fish, two fish, red fish or blue fish, I can take any sea life you try to hit me with! And even if you upgrade to land creatures, it won't work! Look at me now, disappearing your cow--and where is your cow, you ask? I've eaten it n--OW! Who the heck puts gears in these things?! I'm going to make you sorry you were ever BORN!!
K-Kanan, please don't be so violent! Can't we all just get along for a minute without anybody getting hurt? I mean, I'm certain that there's a possibly terrible reason for all this, b-but if you get rid of them all, who can we ask for help to get home? S-see, maybe they'll be friendly, this one's even introducing himself ... Mr. GraaAAAaargh, I'm sorry Kanan yelled your ears off, but I'm sure if you pick them up they'll soon be good as new. Can you hear me now? If you can, then what she really meant to say was--AAAAH STOP YANKING ON OUR HAIR SOB!
And n-no, Mr. GraaAAAaargh, you misunderstand! Thinking about you doesn't make me touch myself, I just need her to stop for a minute! P-please don't come near--KYAAA!
WASN'T ONE DEFEAT ENOUGH, FOOLS?! Need I spell out the situation for you? HERE! THERE! BE! DRAGOOOOOOOOOOOOONS! Trying to lay your rotten hands on us ... why, you're not even worth devouring, are you?! I might catch your apparent idiocy if I try. And while we're on the subject, you're jealous of the fact that I actually have brains, huh? Yeah, I also know we've got a spare--stop being a baby about it, Junrei!--but I'm sure not giving you any head, imbeciles! Take THAT, and THAT, STAY over there, and HAVE your little undead puppy too ...
... pardon us, sirs. My name is Shuko, and I apologize for my sisters' regrettably crude behavior. You may certainly rest assured that we will not, ah, what is the term? 'Triple-team' you fine, shambling, slightly unhinged fellows. Oh my. I do believe you were only doing your jobs, and you can hardly be faulted for performing them impeccably! Won't you come a little closer, and take a seat on some of that rock's less suggestive outcroppings? I'm sure we can have a proper discussion, and perhaps come to some more ... mm ... palatable understanding of this place.
Never fear: despite anything Kanan might say, I promise you I am strictly vegetarian. ♥
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Character: Totetsu/Tetsu/T-chan
Series: Petshop of Horrors
Character Age: IMMORTAL but appears to be aboout sixteenish in human form
Canon: Should you take a walk down the streets of Los Angeles, you might choose to turn into Chinatown, the place which houses the most exotic, alluring mysteries of the city. And should you happen to pass by a large door, you may just notice the sign that hangs above it, proclaiming it to be Count D's petshop. Step inside and you will meet the owner of this establishment: an androgynous beauty clad in Chinese robes who will sell you love, dreams, and your heart's desire. However! Each pet comes with a contract of three clauses (for your own safety, really) and if by any chance, you break one of them... well, that's not the point really. After all, how hard can it be to follow three simple rules?
T-chan, short for Tetsu or Totetsu, is one of D's prized pets. The totetsu is a creature with the face of a man, the fangs of a tiger, and the horns and body of a sheep or goat. His humanoid form is revealed by D's magical incense: T-chan is a boy that appears to be around sixteen or so, with large horns, sharp claws, and a very short temper. He's loud, brash, tough, and occasionally, sekritly a woobie for Leon's little brother, Chris. T-chan is also an extraordinary chef, able to create many dishes thought to be lost or legendary, though he's particularly fond of fine cuisine a la vore.
Sample Post:
Come on, you've gotta be kidding me. I got promised an all-you-can-eat buffet, see. I got promised an all-you-can-eat buffet and what do I get? DEAD PEOPLE. Shit, rotten meat tastes horrible. Humans have an expiration date too: "Do not eat after two days dead," y'know? I think I have what used to be someone's Achilles tendon stuck between my teeth. Yech. I want my buffet, but obviously I'm in the wrong place for it.
What, do I need to do everything myself around here? Fine, fine, it's nothing new to me. You lot are in for a real treat. But first, I'm going to need some...help. So, volunteers? Anyone? Anyone? Great! I don't care if your friend shoved you forward or not, just kindly take yourself apart. Neatly please, legs on this leaf, arms on that leaf, and if you'd bounce your head over to that rock, it'd be nice.
Now, let's see. You all fail at self-preservation... I don't think I can really use any part of this one but the legs. The left thigh's gone so bad I doubt even deep-frying it's going to help the flavor, but the right's okay. 'Course, for human males, the best meat is the pectorals, you know? Sweet and firm, and when torn fresh off the ribs? Mmm. Still, I guess beggars can't be choosers. Not that I'm a beggar, nope; it's just that when my prey seems to be missing all the meat from his chest, well, one's gotta settle for next best. I should at least be able to find some herbs around here to hide the tas--uh, season the meat, yeah. Some oregano, a touch of basil, and a whole ton of garlic and onions ought to do the tri--hey, hey, HEY! Stop that and get off my garnish! I don't care if the herbal essences give you more body and bounce, you're going to ruin them ...Dammit! See, what did I tell you? Anyone else got any bright ideas for what I can use now?
Brains, you say? Hmm, not a bad idea. Not for seasoning, but maybe as an appetizer. Monkey brains are considered a delicacy in China, you know. They strap a monkey to a table with its head poking up through a hole, and the humans eat it while the monkey's still alive. Creative, isn't it? I could replicate that here...minus the table, probably, but it's the thought that counts. A gorilla's brain is close enough to a monkey's, purple or not, so I'll use that. Presentation's going to be hard in a place like this, though. A good chef knows how to present each meal appetizingly, but come on, don't expect too much from one that has zombie flesh for the main course.
Right, let's see now. I've got a main dish of roasted zombie thigh with a side of tasty tossed toe salad. An appetizer of gorilla brains and ... right, dessert. Anyone want to lend me a hand? Sweet. Not really what I meant but, hey, if you're going to take it so literally, who am I to refuse such a great offer? And you look like you used to be female-- even better. I bet none of you've ever had tiramisu with real ladyfingers. Trust me, it's a treat you'll never forget.
Poll Vote!