(no subject)
HAY GUYS. FIRST ROUND~
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
EDIT: Due to ACCIDENTS HAPPENING an app has been taken down because we believe there may be a dup batch. SORRY ABOUT THAT, you will go up later! OUR BAD ):
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Rossiu
Series: Gurren Lagann.
Character's age: Late teens (post time-skip.)
Canon: Gurren Lagann is a story about a Man. A Man with a Destiny. A Man with a Destiny and Giant Mechas. In a world were humanity has been forced to hide underground, a group of brave warriors have dared to go to the surface and fight for what's rightfully theirs... ONLY NOT ANYMORE. After an epic fight with the aforementioned Giant Mechas, the bad guys were defeated and the humans allowed to party on the surface; 7 years later, though, a new bunch of bad guys threaten the populace.
After leaving his squalid underground village where Mecha were worshipped as gods and any excess population was banished to the surface, Rossiu joins up with the main party, fights for justice, WINS!!1! and spends the following seven years growing from a well-meaning, ridiculously polite kid to the biggest douche in Kamina City. Rossiu is serious, bossy and all business, but deep down he really needs to get laid wants what's best for the majority, and is willing to sacrifice a lot to get it. Also, he keeps the bad guy's head in a jar.
Sample Post:
Good morning inhabitants of Camp Fuck You Die. My name is Rossiu and I am here today in representation of Toucans R Us and Squirrels 4 U... yes; these former rival groups have joined in hopes to strip you of your power. You failed to pay attention to the needs of the minorites you govern and now you will have to face the consequences. To avoid a large scale conflict, you are to comply without question to the following demands:
First and foremost, you will stop shooting the toucans. You may be under the impression that regardless of how many of them you kill, their numbers do not dwindle. And you would be right. Toucans R Us has asked me to inform you that they are not "n00bs" and that they save, I quote "lol lozers." However, the resurrection procedure requires too much paperwork, and the moogles are tired of it. Furthermore, the campers that have stated that they "taste like chicken" will make a public apology and promise not to try toucan meat again.
As for what concerns Squirrels 4 U, you will acknowledge that the population of squirrels, do in fact represent a threat. The official statement issued by their community is as follows:
We are tired of being shrugged off as cute fuzzy things. We are dangerous, we are RABID. We could eat you if we really wanted to. And so we demand acknowledgment and to be listed among the threats campers are given upon arrival.
Failure to comply with either of these terms will result in quote, "dire consequences" for the human population of the establishment Camp Fuck You Die. Said consequences will not be disclosed, however I am told to point out the abuse buttons present throughout the camp facilities and to note that you would not enjoy being on the receiving end of a complaint.
Thank you kindly for your attention.
...
. . .
... my employers inform me that my speech was not given with enough passion, and that I will not be allowed to leave until I make it sound heartfelt enough, I start crying in frustration or, they tell me, a camper hits me with a rock. I will ask you to restrain yourselves from the latter.
...
Morning. My name. Is Rossiu...
Poll Vote!
Character: Miura Haru
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Age: around 13
Canon: Life's not easy for Sawada Tsunayoshi, the tenth mafia boss of the Vongola family. He's got a 1-year-old assassin tutoring him, a dynamite-happy subordinate, endless unwanted and dangerous houseguests, a tendency to get shot in the face every other day - and the undying affection of Miura Haru, a junior high schoolgirl who falls hard for Tsuna after he saves her life. That last one might not sound like a problem, but we're talking about a girl whose idea of a friendly "good morning" is to barge into Tsuna's room dressed as a boat. Her penchant for ridiculous costumes aside, Haru's dedication to Tsuna is second to none; her hobbies - along with studying, babysitting, gymnastics, beating up perverts, and referring to herself in the third person - include chasing Tsuna, eavesdropping on Tsuna, testing Tsuna, making lists of what she likes best about Tsuna, "supporting" Tsuna at his school events ... you get the picture.
Even outside of her obsession with the 10th, Haru is a very unique soul. Overly emotional and dramatic, she is prone to passionate speeches, frequent exclamations of "hahiiiii!" and fits of temper or tears; on the flipside, she's just as likely to be jumping for joy ... or to conclusions. And once she decides on a course of action, ridiculous as it often is, there's no stopping her. But despite her gullibility and bizarre behavior, she is actually a very intelligent and driven girl! In fact, Haru tries a little too hard at everything she does - whether it's school, sports, or fulfilling her dream of becoming a mafia wife for her darling Tsuna-san. Note: All references to characters and the Mafia Cave have been cleared with the players.
Sample Post:
WHAM! POW! Taste Haru's fists of rage, you rotting pervert! Worthless pig! You think that just because an innocent young girl happened to be climbing a tree while wearing a loincloth, somehow that gave you the right to lay eyes on her body? Well, you can just take them right back and put them in their sockets, because this next punch is for all the innocent children who shouldn't have to live in a world with scum like you!
... I do admit that maybe I should have put a little more thought and study into ancient underwear technology - but I'm not wearing this costume for the breeze! No, Haru is dressed so primitively because she heard Tsuna-san is living in a cave here at Camp Make Courteous And Meaningful Love You Die. And if he wants to live as a caveman for his training, Haru will support his lifestyle choices, however questionable they may be. He's here, he has a spear, and I will get used to it! So if you want to redeem yourself, Pervert-san, you can point me to the nearest herd of buffalo! Where do I go to rent my hand axe? I'll show Tsuna-san my dedication with an authentic Stone Age meal! My heart flutters just thinking about it ... a man and a woman training together, becoming one with nature, huddling together by the fire and roasting their latest kill in the dark privacy of their honeymoon cave ... hahiiiii! ♥ It's epic romance the way our ancestors knew it!
Ahhh, Haru, stay calm! There'll be plenty of time for that later. To truly help Tsuna-san better himself, I must first focus on supporting his grueling training ... and the same goes for the rest of this camp! Why, I've been here for an hour already, and I haven't felt for a moment like a true mafia wife. Shouldn't you all be menacing people with your weapons instead of trying to get your filthy hands on nubile girls and boys? As a growing young Vongola boss, the Tenth is relying on all of you to threaten his life at every turn, and Haru will accept no less from you! So pick up a shotgun and go get 'im! I've found the perfect vantage point right in this very tree - we can take turns on Tenth Watch and ambush him when he walks by. It's for his own good, after all! Why, with your help, someday Tsuna-san will become fast enough to outrun anyone he wants to avoid -
- Wait! There are some things I can't let him become too good at. Oh, Tsuna-san, the thought of you outrunning even me ... Haru's chest is like the lake, and her heart as heavy as the tentacle monster within it. All right then, Pervert-san. I'll put aside our differences, so get ready! I want you to chase me around the Mess Hall. 100 laps! It's time for Haru's special "Counteracting Tsuna-san's Training" training to begin! Tenth, getting stronger is a good thing, but I won't let you leave me in the dust before our beautiful cave romance even begins!
Poll Vote!
Character: Jaina Solo
Series: Star Wars: Young Jedi Knights (Wiki)
Character Age: 16
Canon: Since they were born in a galaxy
far, far away, wondertwins Jaina and Jacen have been
running around having fun through mischievous antics,
getting captured by various Forces of Evil, and/or
thwarting said Forces of Evil. YJK is basically a
series of books in which the twins and their teenage
friends do more of the same, but this time they have
to fit their adventures in between lessons at their
Uncle Luke Skywalker's academy, where they're
learning to become Jedi Knights--people who can use a
mystical power called the Force, and who often play a
role as guardians or mediators for the New Republic.
Jaina herself is said to take after her father (a
former smuggler and admitted scoundrel), having such
a healthy dose of spirit and self-confidence that she
tends to approach things with a take-charge attitude
and a self-proclaimed preference for the
straightforward approach. This same attitude gets her
into trouble due to taking on risky projects without
consulting her elders and peers on multiple
occasions. Jaina also demonstrates many of the
typical sci-fi engineer girl traits; she doesn't act
very ladylike, and in much the same way that her
brother has an affinity for animal life in general,
Jaina has a natural aptitude for all things
mechanical that lets her accomplish almost any
engineering miracle--which she often does more for
the fun of challenging herself than out of any real
necessity.
Sample Post:
Hi. I'd just like to thank you
for inviting me to breakfast with your people, since
I came here because Uncle Luke suggested that I spend
some time learning about new cultures. And it was
very accommodating of you guys to offer me "Jedi-O's"
in case I didn't want a helping of brains. But, you
know, I think I'm going to have to pass on the whole
thing. Yeah, even if it's "the breakfast cereal you
eat with the Forks." It's just that when you made
the offer earlier, and you said that you'd be having
some of the brightest local minds for the meal, I
kind of assumed you meant they would be eating
with us...instead of being eaten.
I don't mean to be disrespectful--lots of aliens eat
different things, and there probably isn't anything
wrong with that. So I was thinking that since this
is a bit of a cultural conflict, instead of spending
breakfast with you, I'd work on a way to
compromise--kind of meet each other halfway on the
issue. Maybe it'd be a bit easier to accept if you
guys didn't just chew on any brain you happen to come
across, and made it into more of a civilized meal.
That's why my idea is a Brain Ration Processor; just
put a, uh, good catch in, and it'll take care of
separating it from the rest of the body. Maybe
sprinkle in a little seasoning, then grind it up,
arrange, and package it so that it looks just like
any other ration you'd find on the market. So once
I'm done putting the unit together, it'll put out
meals that are just as nutritious as the best
stormtrooper rations, but they'll probably even taste
better. You won't have to follow your nose to get a
good meal anymore--whenever you get hungry, you can
just chow down on a handy B-Rat.
Well, what are we waiting for? I've already gotten
ahold of some of the parts I'll need to put it
together. Now, I've tinkered with food processors
before, but this is the first time I'll be making one
from scratch, so eventually I'll probably be needing
some parts I didn't anticipate. So far I've got a
lawn mower, a blender, and an old air conditioning
unit. And this "expresso" machine will probably give
a real kick to the B-Rat's flavor. They all look
like they belong in a museum, but I think I can get
enough working components from them for most of the
project. What I'm going to need you to do is go
ahead and start looking for anything that looks like
it has parts we can cannibalize for the rest of the
processor. This is a list that you can use for
reference while you're--hey, hang on, I don't mean
for you to--
Okay, I'll admit that "cannibalize" was a poor choice
in wording.
Poll Vote!
Character: Joshua Christopher
Series: Chrno Crusade
Character Age: 15
Canon: The Roaring Twenties was a thrilling, fun-filled era with the mafia at large and moonshine in every other bathtub. But throwing a gun-toting nun and shouta demon with a tendency to destroy national monuments, all the while fighting against a group of demons who want destroy the world in the mix? Now, that's entertainment! Joshua is Rosette's, the nun with guns, orphan younger brother who was abducted by the bad guys once he received the horns of a demon. He ends up joining them in their mission while longing for his missing sister. When he's not causing havoc and acting all kinds of crazy, Joshua likes long strolls by the beach, playing with toy guns, and a little 'master and servant' with his maid and caretaker, Fiore.
Along with demon horns, Joshua is also an apostle, a human blessed by god. So the inner fight against his teenage hormones is replaced by a fight between good and evil. This also includes his sanity. Joshua alternates between perfectly sane and calm to excitable and childlike to fits of madness. Most of the time, he can remain laid-back and spoiled from his time with the demons. Joshua's love of science fiction, the occult, and westerns with toy guns to match still remains from his childhood as does his very close attachment to his sister. Little brother is always watching after all.
Sample App:
Who knew following a trail of smoking rubble and body parts would lead me to a radio station run by zombies! I wonder if all radio stations are like this. Considering Delilah and all those sappy-cootie filled shows, I think not. Radio definitely needs more zombies. Now, I wonder when I'm going to get to do something on the radio, like sing a song. I heard a good one earlier, I think it was Hit Me Baby One More Time? It was catchy and pretty fun.
But this is starting to get boring. They ask me to be on one of their shows, and then they leave me in a waiting room for hours. The secretary just keeps groaning and putting her fingers back on. Boooring. There isn't even anything interesting to read, as Raging Demonic Lust and You, and So You Were Touched by An Angel aren't exactly riveting magazines. --Oh, what's this? A program guide? Let's see what kind of shows there are... A radio drama about vampires, aliens, and reluctant protagonists trapped in a summer camp infested with zombies? Stick to what you know, I guess. It does sound pretty interesting though, especially if they have real vampires and aliens! Except for the protagonists, they'd just whine. It would be more fun if they got eaten by the zombie or vampires, or abducted by the aliens for testing.
I wonder what the other programs are... Dr. Fill It In? Dull. Okra? Vegetables are nasty. Jerry Springer? Is he a super hero that...springs to action? That's not very exciting at all, but I'll give it a chance. The summary says today's feature on Jerry Springer Never Dies More than Once is corrupted religious icons breaking all ten commandments who have a little romance...in the family! --Huh? He's a zombie super hero concerned about religion and family bonds with a radio show? Well, if that isn't an American hero! Hehe, this could be a lot more interesting. Hey, Miss All Thumbs, do you think I could be on this show? I'll be a perfect guest, I promise.
Alright, I just need fill out this survey and then I get to be on the show. Easy! Are you a religious icon? ...What they don't know won't hurt them. Yes. Have you broken ten commandments? Everyone breaks the first five...and the last five too. So, yes. Do you love your sister? Yes, I love her very, very much. Is she going to be on the show? I hope so! I really want to see her. It'd be the best radio show if she was there. Alright then, Miss All Pinkies, I'm done!
Oh, you have another survey? If you have to check if this needs to go on pay-per-hear, then I suppose that'd be alright. I do like to keep these sort of things in the family though... Just show you on the doll where I touch my sister? Here, there, and around here. Oh, don't get the wrong impression. We're just very close.
Poll Vote!
Character: Will Stanton.
Series: The Dark is Rising sequence.
Character Age: 12 or 13 during Silver On The Tree which is where he's being taken from.
Canon: "Solemn" is the adjective most often applied to Will Stanton, followed closely by "ordinary." His nine siblings prefer "pompous," while the agents of the Dark, the ancient evil it is Will's destiny to oppose, usually go for "foolish" (they would). However, Will is generally cheerful with a subtle sense of humour, and his hobbies include singing in the church choir and making brass rubbings -- as you can see, Will is a barrel of fun.
Even less ordinary than Will's hobbies (in his defence, there wasn't an awful lot of playstation available in seventies Britain) is the fact that he is the last of the Old Ones, beings of power who must prevent the Dark from Rising. Waking to his destiny on his eleventh birthday, Will struggles with his fear at first. Lacking the experience of the other Old Ones, Will uses his powers intuitively and is often swayed by his emotions. He soon realises that in the battle against the Dark, human feelings are a liability -- in its own way, the light is just as extreme and ruthless as the Dark. Although Will accepts his destiny as an Old One, he is conscious of the responsibility it entails. Solemn works.
Sample Post:
I've seen this before. An object used by dark or malevolent magic can over time take on a darkness and a malevolence all of its own. Generally such magic favours items of power or legend, but plastic and metal can channel human hatred as easily as steel. But I am not human, and as an Old One I charge you to reveal your secrets to me.
... Ctrl Alt Delete.
Not a riddle I'm familiar with. The language is strange, and your enchantment stranger if I cannot understand it ...
Oh. The keyboard. All right then. You've pressed my buttons, I suppose its only fair to return the favour. There. Now will you tell me why you have called me out of my time to your aid?
Yes, the Dark is rising indeed. This final battle has been long foretold. But your calling sounded urgent -- it is urgent? Well then, speak your business with the Light, computer.
There seems to be some misunderstanding. First, daylight saving doesn't end for weeks. I hope you don't think that I'm going to stick around that long to put your clock back. Second, I think you've got the Dark confused with the dark. If it were possible to defeat the Dark by turning our clocks forward, don't you think we'd have done that centuries ago?
How do I know if I've never tried? Simple. The Dark existed before clocks; it is outside of time and no mere -- what? Oh, come off it. You don't seriously think that I am afraid of the dark?
What are you -- Update successful, I can view my updated journal where? You! You didn't do what I think you did -- you did.
Hi. I'm Will Stanton. Contrary to what I just said, I don't need a nightlight. The wreckage of this computer should do fine.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
EDIT: Due to ACCIDENTS HAPPENING an app has been taken down because we believe there may be a dup batch. SORRY ABOUT THAT, you will go up later! OUR BAD ):
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Rossiu
Series: Gurren Lagann.
Character's age: Late teens (post time-skip.)
Canon: Gurren Lagann is a story about a Man. A Man with a Destiny. A Man with a Destiny and Giant Mechas. In a world were humanity has been forced to hide underground, a group of brave warriors have dared to go to the surface and fight for what's rightfully theirs... ONLY NOT ANYMORE. After an epic fight with the aforementioned Giant Mechas, the bad guys were defeated and the humans allowed to party on the surface; 7 years later, though, a new bunch of bad guys threaten the populace.
After leaving his squalid underground village where Mecha were worshipped as gods and any excess population was banished to the surface, Rossiu joins up with the main party, fights for justice, WINS!!1! and spends the following seven years growing from a well-meaning, ridiculously polite kid to the biggest douche in Kamina City. Rossiu is serious, bossy and all business, but deep down he really needs to get laid wants what's best for the majority, and is willing to sacrifice a lot to get it. Also, he keeps the bad guy's head in a jar.
Sample Post:
Good morning inhabitants of Camp Fuck You Die. My name is Rossiu and I am here today in representation of Toucans R Us and Squirrels 4 U... yes; these former rival groups have joined in hopes to strip you of your power. You failed to pay attention to the needs of the minorites you govern and now you will have to face the consequences. To avoid a large scale conflict, you are to comply without question to the following demands:
First and foremost, you will stop shooting the toucans. You may be under the impression that regardless of how many of them you kill, their numbers do not dwindle. And you would be right. Toucans R Us has asked me to inform you that they are not "n00bs" and that they save, I quote "lol lozers." However, the resurrection procedure requires too much paperwork, and the moogles are tired of it. Furthermore, the campers that have stated that they "taste like chicken" will make a public apology and promise not to try toucan meat again.
As for what concerns Squirrels 4 U, you will acknowledge that the population of squirrels, do in fact represent a threat. The official statement issued by their community is as follows:
We are tired of being shrugged off as cute fuzzy things. We are dangerous, we are RABID. We could eat you if we really wanted to. And so we demand acknowledgment and to be listed among the threats campers are given upon arrival.
Failure to comply with either of these terms will result in quote, "dire consequences" for the human population of the establishment Camp Fuck You Die. Said consequences will not be disclosed, however I am told to point out the abuse buttons present throughout the camp facilities and to note that you would not enjoy being on the receiving end of a complaint.
Thank you kindly for your attention.
...
. . .
... my employers inform me that my speech was not given with enough passion, and that I will not be allowed to leave until I make it sound heartfelt enough, I start crying in frustration or, they tell me, a camper hits me with a rock. I will ask you to restrain yourselves from the latter.
...
Morning. My name. Is Rossiu...
Poll Vote!
Character: Miura Haru
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Age: around 13
Canon: Life's not easy for Sawada Tsunayoshi, the tenth mafia boss of the Vongola family. He's got a 1-year-old assassin tutoring him, a dynamite-happy subordinate, endless unwanted and dangerous houseguests, a tendency to get shot in the face every other day - and the undying affection of Miura Haru, a junior high schoolgirl who falls hard for Tsuna after he saves her life. That last one might not sound like a problem, but we're talking about a girl whose idea of a friendly "good morning" is to barge into Tsuna's room dressed as a boat. Her penchant for ridiculous costumes aside, Haru's dedication to Tsuna is second to none; her hobbies - along with studying, babysitting, gymnastics, beating up perverts, and referring to herself in the third person - include chasing Tsuna, eavesdropping on Tsuna, testing Tsuna, making lists of what she likes best about Tsuna, "supporting" Tsuna at his school events ... you get the picture.
Even outside of her obsession with the 10th, Haru is a very unique soul. Overly emotional and dramatic, she is prone to passionate speeches, frequent exclamations of "hahiiiii!" and fits of temper or tears; on the flipside, she's just as likely to be jumping for joy ... or to conclusions. And once she decides on a course of action, ridiculous as it often is, there's no stopping her. But despite her gullibility and bizarre behavior, she is actually a very intelligent and driven girl! In fact, Haru tries a little too hard at everything she does - whether it's school, sports, or fulfilling her dream of becoming a mafia wife for her darling Tsuna-san. Note: All references to characters and the Mafia Cave have been cleared with the players.
Sample Post:
WHAM! POW! Taste Haru's fists of rage, you rotting pervert! Worthless pig! You think that just because an innocent young girl happened to be climbing a tree while wearing a loincloth, somehow that gave you the right to lay eyes on her body? Well, you can just take them right back and put them in their sockets, because this next punch is for all the innocent children who shouldn't have to live in a world with scum like you!
... I do admit that maybe I should have put a little more thought and study into ancient underwear technology - but I'm not wearing this costume for the breeze! No, Haru is dressed so primitively because she heard Tsuna-san is living in a cave here at Camp Make Courteous And Meaningful Love You Die. And if he wants to live as a caveman for his training, Haru will support his lifestyle choices, however questionable they may be. He's here, he has a spear, and I will get used to it! So if you want to redeem yourself, Pervert-san, you can point me to the nearest herd of buffalo! Where do I go to rent my hand axe? I'll show Tsuna-san my dedication with an authentic Stone Age meal! My heart flutters just thinking about it ... a man and a woman training together, becoming one with nature, huddling together by the fire and roasting their latest kill in the dark privacy of their honeymoon cave ... hahiiiii! ♥ It's epic romance the way our ancestors knew it!
Ahhh, Haru, stay calm! There'll be plenty of time for that later. To truly help Tsuna-san better himself, I must first focus on supporting his grueling training ... and the same goes for the rest of this camp! Why, I've been here for an hour already, and I haven't felt for a moment like a true mafia wife. Shouldn't you all be menacing people with your weapons instead of trying to get your filthy hands on nubile girls and boys? As a growing young Vongola boss, the Tenth is relying on all of you to threaten his life at every turn, and Haru will accept no less from you! So pick up a shotgun and go get 'im! I've found the perfect vantage point right in this very tree - we can take turns on Tenth Watch and ambush him when he walks by. It's for his own good, after all! Why, with your help, someday Tsuna-san will become fast enough to outrun anyone he wants to avoid -
- Wait! There are some things I can't let him become too good at. Oh, Tsuna-san, the thought of you outrunning even me ... Haru's chest is like the lake, and her heart as heavy as the tentacle monster within it. All right then, Pervert-san. I'll put aside our differences, so get ready! I want you to chase me around the Mess Hall. 100 laps! It's time for Haru's special "Counteracting Tsuna-san's Training" training to begin! Tenth, getting stronger is a good thing, but I won't let you leave me in the dust before our beautiful cave romance even begins!
Poll Vote!
Character: Jaina Solo
Series: Star Wars: Young Jedi Knights (Wiki)
Character Age: 16
Canon: Since they were born in a galaxy
far, far away, wondertwins Jaina and Jacen have been
running around having fun through mischievous antics,
getting captured by various Forces of Evil, and/or
thwarting said Forces of Evil. YJK is basically a
series of books in which the twins and their teenage
friends do more of the same, but this time they have
to fit their adventures in between lessons at their
Uncle Luke Skywalker's academy, where they're
learning to become Jedi Knights--people who can use a
mystical power called the Force, and who often play a
role as guardians or mediators for the New Republic.
Jaina herself is said to take after her father (a
former smuggler and admitted scoundrel), having such
a healthy dose of spirit and self-confidence that she
tends to approach things with a take-charge attitude
and a self-proclaimed preference for the
straightforward approach. This same attitude gets her
into trouble due to taking on risky projects without
consulting her elders and peers on multiple
occasions. Jaina also demonstrates many of the
typical sci-fi engineer girl traits; she doesn't act
very ladylike, and in much the same way that her
brother has an affinity for animal life in general,
Jaina has a natural aptitude for all things
mechanical that lets her accomplish almost any
engineering miracle--which she often does more for
the fun of challenging herself than out of any real
necessity.
Sample Post:
Hi. I'd just like to thank you
for inviting me to breakfast with your people, since
I came here because Uncle Luke suggested that I spend
some time learning about new cultures. And it was
very accommodating of you guys to offer me "Jedi-O's"
in case I didn't want a helping of brains. But, you
know, I think I'm going to have to pass on the whole
thing. Yeah, even if it's "the breakfast cereal you
eat with the Forks." It's just that when you made
the offer earlier, and you said that you'd be having
some of the brightest local minds for the meal, I
kind of assumed you meant they would be eating
with us...instead of being eaten.
I don't mean to be disrespectful--lots of aliens eat
different things, and there probably isn't anything
wrong with that. So I was thinking that since this
is a bit of a cultural conflict, instead of spending
breakfast with you, I'd work on a way to
compromise--kind of meet each other halfway on the
issue. Maybe it'd be a bit easier to accept if you
guys didn't just chew on any brain you happen to come
across, and made it into more of a civilized meal.
That's why my idea is a Brain Ration Processor; just
put a, uh, good catch in, and it'll take care of
separating it from the rest of the body. Maybe
sprinkle in a little seasoning, then grind it up,
arrange, and package it so that it looks just like
any other ration you'd find on the market. So once
I'm done putting the unit together, it'll put out
meals that are just as nutritious as the best
stormtrooper rations, but they'll probably even taste
better. You won't have to follow your nose to get a
good meal anymore--whenever you get hungry, you can
just chow down on a handy B-Rat.
Well, what are we waiting for? I've already gotten
ahold of some of the parts I'll need to put it
together. Now, I've tinkered with food processors
before, but this is the first time I'll be making one
from scratch, so eventually I'll probably be needing
some parts I didn't anticipate. So far I've got a
lawn mower, a blender, and an old air conditioning
unit. And this "expresso" machine will probably give
a real kick to the B-Rat's flavor. They all look
like they belong in a museum, but I think I can get
enough working components from them for most of the
project. What I'm going to need you to do is go
ahead and start looking for anything that looks like
it has parts we can cannibalize for the rest of the
processor. This is a list that you can use for
reference while you're--hey, hang on, I don't mean
for you to--
Okay, I'll admit that "cannibalize" was a poor choice
in wording.
Poll Vote!
Character: Joshua Christopher
Series: Chrno Crusade
Character Age: 15
Canon: The Roaring Twenties was a thrilling, fun-filled era with the mafia at large and moonshine in every other bathtub. But throwing a gun-toting nun and shouta demon with a tendency to destroy national monuments, all the while fighting against a group of demons who want destroy the world in the mix? Now, that's entertainment! Joshua is Rosette's, the nun with guns, orphan younger brother who was abducted by the bad guys once he received the horns of a demon. He ends up joining them in their mission while longing for his missing sister. When he's not causing havoc and acting all kinds of crazy, Joshua likes long strolls by the beach, playing with toy guns, and a little 'master and servant' with his maid and caretaker, Fiore.
Along with demon horns, Joshua is also an apostle, a human blessed by god. So the inner fight against his teenage hormones is replaced by a fight between good and evil. This also includes his sanity. Joshua alternates between perfectly sane and calm to excitable and childlike to fits of madness. Most of the time, he can remain laid-back and spoiled from his time with the demons. Joshua's love of science fiction, the occult, and westerns with toy guns to match still remains from his childhood as does his very close attachment to his sister. Little brother is always watching after all.
Sample App:
Who knew following a trail of smoking rubble and body parts would lead me to a radio station run by zombies! I wonder if all radio stations are like this. Considering Delilah and all those sappy-cootie filled shows, I think not. Radio definitely needs more zombies. Now, I wonder when I'm going to get to do something on the radio, like sing a song. I heard a good one earlier, I think it was Hit Me Baby One More Time? It was catchy and pretty fun.
But this is starting to get boring. They ask me to be on one of their shows, and then they leave me in a waiting room for hours. The secretary just keeps groaning and putting her fingers back on. Boooring. There isn't even anything interesting to read, as Raging Demonic Lust and You, and So You Were Touched by An Angel aren't exactly riveting magazines. --Oh, what's this? A program guide? Let's see what kind of shows there are... A radio drama about vampires, aliens, and reluctant protagonists trapped in a summer camp infested with zombies? Stick to what you know, I guess. It does sound pretty interesting though, especially if they have real vampires and aliens! Except for the protagonists, they'd just whine. It would be more fun if they got eaten by the zombie or vampires, or abducted by the aliens for testing.
I wonder what the other programs are... Dr. Fill It In? Dull. Okra? Vegetables are nasty. Jerry Springer? Is he a super hero that...springs to action? That's not very exciting at all, but I'll give it a chance. The summary says today's feature on Jerry Springer Never Dies More than Once is corrupted religious icons breaking all ten commandments who have a little romance...in the family! --Huh? He's a zombie super hero concerned about religion and family bonds with a radio show? Well, if that isn't an American hero! Hehe, this could be a lot more interesting. Hey, Miss All Thumbs, do you think I could be on this show? I'll be a perfect guest, I promise.
Alright, I just need fill out this survey and then I get to be on the show. Easy! Are you a religious icon? ...What they don't know won't hurt them. Yes. Have you broken ten commandments? Everyone breaks the first five...and the last five too. So, yes. Do you love your sister? Yes, I love her very, very much. Is she going to be on the show? I hope so! I really want to see her. It'd be the best radio show if she was there. Alright then, Miss All Pinkies, I'm done!
Oh, you have another survey? If you have to check if this needs to go on pay-per-hear, then I suppose that'd be alright. I do like to keep these sort of things in the family though... Just show you on the doll where I touch my sister? Here, there, and around here. Oh, don't get the wrong impression. We're just very close.
Poll Vote!
Character: Will Stanton.
Series: The Dark is Rising sequence.
Character Age: 12 or 13 during Silver On The Tree which is where he's being taken from.
Canon: "Solemn" is the adjective most often applied to Will Stanton, followed closely by "ordinary." His nine siblings prefer "pompous," while the agents of the Dark, the ancient evil it is Will's destiny to oppose, usually go for "foolish" (they would). However, Will is generally cheerful with a subtle sense of humour, and his hobbies include singing in the church choir and making brass rubbings -- as you can see, Will is a barrel of fun.
Even less ordinary than Will's hobbies (in his defence, there wasn't an awful lot of playstation available in seventies Britain) is the fact that he is the last of the Old Ones, beings of power who must prevent the Dark from Rising. Waking to his destiny on his eleventh birthday, Will struggles with his fear at first. Lacking the experience of the other Old Ones, Will uses his powers intuitively and is often swayed by his emotions. He soon realises that in the battle against the Dark, human feelings are a liability -- in its own way, the light is just as extreme and ruthless as the Dark. Although Will accepts his destiny as an Old One, he is conscious of the responsibility it entails. Solemn works.
Sample Post:
I've seen this before. An object used by dark or malevolent magic can over time take on a darkness and a malevolence all of its own. Generally such magic favours items of power or legend, but plastic and metal can channel human hatred as easily as steel. But I am not human, and as an Old One I charge you to reveal your secrets to me.
... Ctrl Alt Delete.
Not a riddle I'm familiar with. The language is strange, and your enchantment stranger if I cannot understand it ...
Oh. The keyboard. All right then. You've pressed my buttons, I suppose its only fair to return the favour. There. Now will you tell me why you have called me out of my time to your aid?
Yes, the Dark is rising indeed. This final battle has been long foretold. But your calling sounded urgent -- it is urgent? Well then, speak your business with the Light, computer.
There seems to be some misunderstanding. First, daylight saving doesn't end for weeks. I hope you don't think that I'm going to stick around that long to put your clock back. Second, I think you've got the Dark confused with the dark. If it were possible to defeat the Dark by turning our clocks forward, don't you think we'd have done that centuries ago?
How do I know if I've never tried? Simple. The Dark existed before clocks; it is outside of time and no mere -- what? Oh, come off it. You don't seriously think that I am afraid of the dark?
What are you -- Update successful, I can view my updated journal where? You! You didn't do what I think you did -- you did.
Hi. I'm Will Stanton. Contrary to what I just said, I don't need a nightlight. The wreckage of this computer should do fine.
Poll Vote!