(no subject)
OKAY! Here's the next normal round. VOTE ON THE SPECIALTY ROUND TOO GUYS. I have to use my character journals to make polls right now lol.
We still have... 42 left! lolol
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Sherlock Holmes
Series: A Study in Scarlet,The Sign of the Four, The Hound of the Baskervilles, The Valley of Fear and the asorted short stories
Character Age: Late 30's or early 40's
Job: Music Teacher
Canon:Upon his return from a military campaign in Afghanistan, John Watson met and decided to room with what he perceived as an eccentric medical student named Sherlock Holmes. In the next few weeks and through the first of what would be hundreds of adventures he came to realize that his new roommate was not a student of any recognized medical field but rather one of the greatest analytical and detective minds of the 20th century.
On the surface Sherlock is everything one would expect in a proper and respected member of turn of the century British society. His habits and manner however paint a much different picture. His disposition fluctuates from moments of limitless energy and humor to weeks of depression and languor depending upon his involvement in a case. His personal living habits are bohemian in nature and almost completely unorganized. He also appears to be nearly emotionless in his dealings with other people and says himself that he has never felt an inclination for marriage or love. He is however a gentleman and has been known to show great hospitality and kindness if the fancy seizes him.
Sample post:
My dearest campers,
I have been invited to this rather charming location by your much beloved director to assist in any way with the investigation of the death of her fiancee. I am not sure how much assistance I will be able to provide as I can see no crime having been committed and certainly no actual investigation in progress, but my humble services are of course at your disposal. There is however some small matters that I would like to address with the camp in general before we begin any discussion of the facts in this case.
Upon my arrival I attempted familiarize myself with the technology of this camp but nearly all of my attempts have been obstructed by an entity called "the internet". All inquiries about the character, appearance or location of this enigmatic figure however have been answered in rude and unintelligent messages of "Tits or gtfo". I have received some slightly more detailed answers but in all of these the writers appear to be incapacitated in some way that prevents them from writing without spelling or grammar mistake.
This matter is however a mere trifle compared to the problems that have arisen due to the, ... well I suppose the best way to describe it would be "occupation", that was assigned to me upon my arrival. I have always had a love of music and have amused myself from time to time with writing small pieces for the violin. To confuse this however with a desire to teach and share this with a group of children who have no musical inclination of their own and attempt to destroy their violin on the stage after a successful piece would be a gross mistake.
I of course understand that we must all do our part to co-exist in this location without animosity and bloodshed but I would just like to make sure that anyone who had thought of perhaps asking for a lesson knows that I do in fact know how to use a gun.
Very sincerely yours,
Sherlock Holmes
Poll Vote!
Character: Shamal
Series: Katekyo
Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: Late thirties to early forties.
Job: Doctor and assassin. Was a doctor to a mafia family, then a
school nurse.
Canon: Katekyo Hitman Reborn revolves around Sawada
Tsunayoshi, an inept, cowardly middle-schooler who gets a visit from a
trigger-happy hitman baby. This baby is known as Reborn and trains Tsuna to
become the tenth boss of the greatest mafia family, Vongola! Good times all
around, right? Not for Tsuna, who absolutely does not want to be involved
in the mafia.
Doctor Shamal has already fled Italy to Japan, wanted for cheating on
hundreds of women at once. Of course he loved them all! In Japan, he's
reunited with Gokudera Hayato and Bianchi, half-siblings whom he lived with
during his time in Italy. His relationship with Gokudera is odd, as Shamal
oscillates between giving awful advice on love and sound instruction on
fighting techniques -- he is, after all, the one who taught Gokudera how to
use explosives. However, as a doctor, Shamal specializes in trident
mosquitoes; they're his pride and joy (he names them) and his
weapons: each one carries a different disease, and all it takes is the
opening of a capsule and viola, serious illness get. His nickname in the
assassin world has thus become "Trident Shamal."
Career aside, Shamal's troubles spring from his weakness for girls. He
refuses to treat boys when working as a school nurse, claiming his
"specialization" excludes them. Whenever he sees a girl in the vicinity,
the first thing he'll do is try to kiss her; however, as he's often drunk
and often desperate enough to chase the poor girls, his endeavors fail
constantly. He's quite laid-back otherwise, always disdainful of boys yet
showing a soft spot for some of them (a.k.a. Gokudera) he's known for some
time. When times call for it, he can be serious and a great help in saving
the day (after all, he just sics a mosquito on someone and his work is
done).
Sample Post:
Let me be clear: no boys. As much as you may want my hands on that bleeding
, hairy shin of yours, as much as you might want my precious little
Angela-chan to inject a bit of antidote into your poisoned self -- you don’t
need it. You just need a bit of spit and a shove, don’t ya? Of
course, I don’t immediately reject any ailing boy I see! Look androgynous
enough, I might have to do a quick breast examination to make sure I’m not
missing out on any of that good stuff. See, a free cancer check! Everybody
wins, so quit your whining. That’s not how you get girls.
Why am I here~? Hohoho. As much as I’d like to tell you, “It’s all for the
ladies! Those poor young girls, with their fawn-soft eyes wet with tears as
they hold up a pricked finger to their saint -- their doctor!” . . . that‘s
only seventy percent of the reason. I guess I wouldn’t mind telling ya,
I’ve had a few drinkies and my mosquitoes are quite taken with swampland.
(Just don’t tell the ladies. They’ll have a heart attack out of concern for
me and I’ll be forced to do CPR -- fine, fine, you can tell them.)
Why am I here. Well, gather around, children, but don‘t get too close.
When a man loves a woman very much, he does things to her. Then he falls in
love with another woman and does things to her, as well. Then he falls in
love with another woman and has the grace to secretly do things to
her. Then another woman comes along, and -- well, before you know it, you
got your own bordello! Hehe~. Ah, but don’t forget women tend to get a
little possessive of a man they adore, so in the end you have to blow up a wall to exit your apartment building and flee the country
-- again. Hoho, I just hear Hayato-chan’s teeth grating now. If
only he could understand this is my new calling!
Hello, sir, mind if I take your pulse? None of you look too attractive, and
I want to be sure I‘m not going to catch some disgusting boy disease. . . .
Mhhmmm, yes, yes . . . Ye -- THE HELL? . . . .
.Well, there’s another addition to the list of reasons why I don’t treat
boys. No. 1 They’re boys. No. 2 They’re so heartless they’re dead. Not at
all like brave camping girls. Ahhh, I can see them just waiting for me.
Their long, nimble fingers gathering firewood . . . Skinny dipping every
night . . . Lips moist and open as they play their clarinets in the early
morning . . . Legs spread wide as they mount a horse --
Now if only a nice young lady was here to point me in the direction of a
cold river I could jump into.
Poll Vote!
Character: Colonel Jack O'Neill
Series: Stargate SG-1
Age: 52, give or take a year
Canon: Saving the Galaxy from indestructible space bugs and cliché alien super-villains is just another day in the life of SG-1, the premier team of top secret Air-Force space travel program that has been operating out of Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado since 1997 by using a portal called a Stargate to visit planets across the galaxy. As the leader of this four man team Jack and his companions explore new worlds, meet aliens and get themselves into a whole lot of trouble. Jack is a man with a sarcastic sense of humor and a sharp wit. Still, while he may joke, snark, drop pop-culture references and annoy the hell out of the bad guys, he takes threats very seriously. And he's more than capable of making people eat their threats.
Despite the action and the constant toll on his sanity, Jack takes the whole saving the world business in stride. He still enjoys the simple things in life, like fishing in the fishless pond at his Minnesota cabin with a cold beer just within reach, doing the weekly crossword, or kicking back with The Simpsons after a long day's work.
Jack O'Neill is being apped from Season 7, pre-Lost City.
Sample Post:
Huh… well Dorothy, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. Yep, definitely a little more wet, and a lot less… flat.
Howdy folks, you seem to be having a nice day here, what with the swamp and the heat and the mosquitoes that are bigger than my head. Nice, very nice. Don't even have ones that big at my lake back home, maybe fish that size, or birds. Big birds. You get those a lot?
I'm sure you're all chock full of fun, like alligators and snakes and monsters from the black lagoon. That one I think I can handle.
So aside from deadly head-sized mosquitoes and potential snake invasions, I seem to have a little problem. Last time I checked this is not the P3X-493 I'm looking for. Last time I checked that place had whole loads of sand, far as the eye can see. No swamp. Definitely no swamp. Less people too. Though I guess since you folks are all hanging around, I can at least get some questions answered. First off, I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill, US Air Force, planet Earth, and I'm looking for my team. You can't miss them -guy with dorky glasses, blonde chick, and a big guy with a gold thingy on his forehead all dressed like me. We came through that big metal ring thing about two clicks south. You know, big, round, lights up and spins, does a great puddle imitation? Seen em?
Oh, for crying out loud! They can't be that hard to miss. Come on, do you guys get strangers that often? Fine, I'll find them.
…I don't suppose there's a nice yellow brick road you can point me to?
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Xigbar
Series: Kingdom Hearts 2
Age: 30's(ish)
Job: Your stoner friend Reverse Engineer
Canon: Kingdom Hearts: in which a oversized key wielded by a young boy helps to save the world(s). However, no story is complete without at least one antagonist. 0.In Kingdom Hearts 2, Organization XIII steps up to take that role. Made up of (unsurprisingly) 13 people they seem to be primarily concerned with getting back their hearts.
One of the members of the Organization, and the local sharpshooter, is Xigbar. At first glance, it would be all too easy to merely peg him as carefree, laid-back sort of guy who just likes to take things easy. And for the most part, he is - or was, for all that he no longer has emotions. However, this does not make him any less smart, nor does it mean that he's incapable of being serious, merely that those aspects are hidden under the carefree facade - along with the fact that, like the rest of the Organization, he is Not A Nice Man. Not that you'd necessarily be able to tell, what with his tendencies to have a general 'I am more badass than you and you can't do anything about it' sort of attitude and to break the law of gravity on a regular basis.
Sample Post:
Ha, gotcha-- now?
Since I don't recall there being a swamp in the castle, guess I got a question for ya. Starts with 'where' and ends with 'am I?' I can't just call it 'that place with the zombies' - wouldn't look good on the report. Camp Fuck You Die? Sounds like the person who came up with that name was a little lacking in the brain cells department. It wasn't one of these guys was it? 'Cause it looks to me like they're kinda lacking in that regard ... along with having things like attached limbs. Know some Heartless that look just like 'em, actually. Maybe I'll bring a couple with me next time.
--You know, maybe that would worry me - if I were just an ordinary guy. But I'm not. Nothing ordinary about me. Besides, barriers are easy to deal with - you just haven't been doing it right. Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to insult your abilities. Except for the part where I did. Eh? You wanna make something of it? --Yeah, that's what I thought. Guess you're not as tough as you look. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a barrier to deal with. If I'm feelin' nice, I might even let you come with me. Or maybe I won't. Guess you'll just have to wait and see.
Be a good boy, now - might help your chances, you know. Unless it doesn't.
Oh, is that how you want to play? Guess you didn't understand the gravity of the situation. See, here I was offering you a free ride out of here out of the goodness of my lack of a heart, taking time away from other things I could be doing. But I guess it looks like you don't want it after all. ...What's that? You do want to leave? Too bad, you just blew that chance. Have fun with that 'trapped in a swamp full of zombies' thing.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I imply that I was going to be leaving? My bad. See, unlike you, I'm supposed to be here. And since I've got better things to do then hang around here all day, I'll leave you to your barrier-molesting. Just don't blame me if it takes exception to it.
Poll Vote!
Character: Haru
Series: Fire Candy
Character Age: 24
Job: Giver of The Talk
Canon: At some point and time in the future, humans
became unable to reproduce through good old sex, so the obvious answer
to this problem was to start splicing animals and humans together to
make halfbreed babies. Deemed 'Halfs' these people usually sport
slightly pointed ears, slit pupil eyes and are seen as a subhuman by
the general population -- which would make this seem like a chapter
of Do Not Discriminate Against Mutants, except that Fire Candy focuses
more on gangs of kids that do everything they shouldn't. Sex, drugs,
sex, sex, and did we mention drugs? Among the drugs is 'Fire Candy',
a stimulant which comes with the Surgeon General's warning of 'May
cause spontaneous human combustion'.
Haru is a 24 year old divorced prostitute who happens to be a Half.
He's also a trap in so many ways. He's a fun loving, drug using cute
face who often both acts like and hangs around teenagers -- though he
does have moments where he acts his age. Haru is energetic, and
unapologetic. In general he'll tell you more than you wanted to know
without telling you anything at all and may or may not grab your
breasts and heartmark before stealing a kiss from your man. Haru
swings between cute and the occasional foul mouthed sadist, though the
latter side of his personality shows far less. Death and violence get
him off and there's a certain devil-may-care air to everything he
does.
Sample Post:
HELLO CAMP~~~ ♥
I'm Haru! I've been hired to give you The Talk! So many of you are
underage... Oh well, it's never too early to start your sex~ual
education. Now, usually it goes something like we talk, you give me
some money we head upstairs and fuck like horny bunnies, but I've been
informed that doesn't work here. Besides, there's so many of you!
Even I'd get sore after a while. Instead we're going to have some
seminars. Make sure you sign up for the correct one!
Where is my Vagina and/or Penis? A Lesson for Beginners:
In this fun filled class, we're going to talk about where everything
is! Nothing says I'm a beginner like 'where is your penis?' after
all. No extra materials are needed, just yourself! Unless you're,
ah, somehow handicapped in this area, then please bring a fully
equipped friend and we'll see what we can do~.
I've Found it, Now What?:
The second level of talks, and far more hands on than the first.
It's best if you attend this class with a partner, or two or three!
The local undead don't count because when you molest them pieces of
their skin fall off and that's just not attractive. They don't even
bleed right -- how do I know? That's a lesson for another day.
I'm a Big Kid Now:
The last Talk we'll be having, but hopefully not the last talk ever!
In this seminar we'll cover 'aftermath' and 'snuggling after sex, is
it just a formality?' though, if you're asking those kind of questions
I hope it's because you're a virgin, not because you're a cold selfish
asshole!
For those interested in private tutoring or wish to discuss their
personal sexual deviance please, feel free to ask ♥ . Not that
I just talk to people to get in their pants! You have to pay me,
usually, and prostitutes are real people with real friends too. We
can do all sorts of friendly things together, especially since your
camp has such a varied array of exciting things to do. Like pin the
head on the zombie and
find-the-telepathic-bitch-in-my-head-and-pin-it-to-a-tree -- ahahaha,
I didn't mean torture the toucans! We're just going to kill them,
together~ ♥
Er, sorry. Was that too much information? Let's start over. Hi!
I'm Haru, and I'm not a good role model.
Poll Vote!
Character: Yuki Eiri (real name Uesugi Eiri)
Series: Gravitation
Character Age: 22
Job: Creative writing instructor.
Canon: Gravitation is a canon packed full of many things. Music, lyrics, a hell of a lot of slapstick comedy, and even a giant panda robot. And in the midst of all the crack stands one (1) Yuki Eiri, romance novelist extraordinaire. Yes, he writes torrid and often tragic love stories featuring beautiful young women ...while his boyfriend is asleep in the next room. What can I say; Eiri may be many things (a snarky bitch, a chain smoker, and a deadline-induced hermit), but he is rarely predictable.
Not even his boyfriend lover get the fuck out of my apartment boyfriend, Shindou Shuichi, knows all that much about him. The viewer learns (alongside our pink-haired protagonist) that behind Eiri's protective outer shell of cynicism is a caring and protective individual, someone who very few people will ever get to see. But Eiri's secrets and violent past are revealed throughout the series, as we watch Shindou Shuichi bounce, annoy, and spazz his way into Eiri's life, apartment, and eventually heart.
So say hello to the bloody-handed author who feeds stray cats, runs away from celery, can only sleep on his stomach, and is stalked by his certifiably insane family members. His sister Mika puts it best, when she says, "The Yuki Eiri you think you know is an impostor."
A very pretty impostor.
Sample App:
Shipped off to a summer camp that smells like the city dump... I guess this is what happens when you miss one too many deadlines? Phone calls from my editor are easy enough to ignore, but a limo full of armed guards managed to get my attention. It's kind of ironic, really, the late manuscript was actually about a mob family. Except in my story they kidnapped the boss' daughter. Do I look like a daughter? This is exactly why I don't sign movie deals, nobody ever sticks to the script.
Anyway. I'm not the sort of guy who asks a lot of questions.
I kept my mouth shut when my scotch was mysteriously replaced with apple juice. I didn't mock whoever it was that decorated an oak tree with underpants, and I didn't say a word when my latest manuscript was sent for by carrier toucan. I remain unimpressed, camp. I've seen people wandering around naked calling themselves cowboys, before... Americans clearly have way too much time on their hands. And while I have to admit to some curiosity about the tentacles sticking out of the lake? At the end of the day, it's none of my business.
It'd be nice if someone would say why the entirety of my class will be publishing works posthumously... but every explanation I receive here seems to boil down to, "If I kill enough brain cells, maybe this will make sense," and like I said, my alcohol's gone missing. So. Class is now in session. Try to stay in your seats today, and if you're bored just put your head down on your desk instead of throwing it at me. That goes for all other stray body parts as well, I'm running out of Shout wipes and this is a designer suit.
Let's start with the critiques. I'd be a horrible instructor if I didn't make it clear that some things just aren't appropriate in a love story--like cannibalism. I know I said I wanted to see "nail-biting suspense" but he really shouldn't make it all the way up her arm. I guess I could suspend my disbelief and say that you're some sort of fetishist trying to make a statement, but that statement is really just, "I have no talent." Whoever wrote this one, you should give it up and consider a new career; this just isn't the line of work for you. I recommend plumbing. Maybe being knee deep in other people's shit for a few years will make up for what I just went through reading your drivel.
The truth? You people are morons. Losers. Wastes of space, and I hate you all.
...but whichever kiss up trained the gorillas to fetch cigarettes on command?
You're alright.
Poll Vote!
Character: Dr. Dmitri Yuriev
Age: appears in his late 30-50s (approximately 2-3 centuries old)
Series: Xenosaga I-III (the video game series)
Position: Clone Councilor
Canon: Spoilers for the entire series.
Xenosaga is set roughly 5000 years ahead in a future where the Internet is as abundant as the air, where star travel is as normal as airplanes, and appearance and age are becoming a concern of the past due to incredible medical advances. The human race is beset by extra-dimensional alien forms, such as the Gnosis, and overrun by religious fanatics, biologically engineered weapons and revolutionary scientists and hackers. It's a tough place to live: we recommend you take one of the ever-popular mecha or a few Ethers (more commonly known as spells) to fight your way to your way to safety.
Dmitri Yuriev is a powerful politician and scientist. As the head of the Salvators, one of the largest political factions created for the rights of genetically modified humans in the Galactic Senate and one of the top genetic experts, he is a powerful manipulator of humanity in many of its forms. He is the designer and biological father of the URTV's--genetically modified humans with the capacity to create waves to combat an extra-dimensional threat known as U-DO--of which Jr. was the 666th and leader. Often appearing impersonal, arrogant and critical of those around him, he strives to present himself at his best at all times, to abusing anti-aging drugs to attempt to appear young forever. It is all part of an act carefully contrived over several decades to conceal his true goal: to gain the power of U-DO with his own and become God.
Yuriev is taken after his demise in episode III. Mentions of Jr. and Wilhelm made with permission of the players.
Sample post:
Greetings, campers, counselors, and other...inhabitants of Camp Fuck U Die, the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.
You'll have to forgive me my little joke. I've always wanted to say that. But you look so unsurprised by it--ah, well. I suppose that it was simply too much to hope for in a group of mostly teenagers. Hormonal and angry and not much else, usually. I must admit, in my experience, the older children get, the more willful and moody that they act--sensitive, even. And they get even more so when they think that they're different from the others. Which is why, I suppose the director went to the trouble of contacting and hiring me, an expert scientist doing something that's like hand-holding as the counselor of "troubled" teens. But, I do suppose I have a contract to fulfill to pay for "services rendered" to get out of here alive, so counseling it will have to be.
For those of you that do not know me, allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Dmitri Yuriev, scientist and former head of the Salvator faction. I am also the man with the singular honor of being the new counselor for the Salvators among you. Or, if you prefer, I believe the director mentioned that the term "clone" was still in use at this time. In either case, I am well versed in the concerns of such children, as you could say their development has become my specialty throughout the years. I especially am proud of my talents in the fields of nurturing singular talents and teamwork. Just look at what independent people my children grew up to be, after all. Why, they even have their own galaxy wide corporations and they go around saving pepole on a regular basis. I'm very proud of how much they've grown, of course.
But in any case, you're all free to stop by for a free checkup and a chat. I am most concerned with the Salvators, of course, but I don't mind speaking with those who wish to meet me. I'd like to get to know everyone a little better. And I see a few, ah, familiar faces, who I'd love to get caught up with. You all look just like you haven't aged a day and I would love to hear how you've been doing. Do stop by at any time you can. And don't be afraid of the decor: the rack came with the room and I'm just using it as a exam table until I can find a replacement. So, please feel free to stop by the labs, and see what's on the slab...
...I see you shivering in anticipation.
Poll Vote!
We still have... 42 left! lolol
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Sherlock Holmes
Series: A Study in Scarlet,The Sign of the Four, The Hound of the Baskervilles, The Valley of Fear and the asorted short stories
Character Age: Late 30's or early 40's
Job: Music Teacher
Canon:Upon his return from a military campaign in Afghanistan, John Watson met and decided to room with what he perceived as an eccentric medical student named Sherlock Holmes. In the next few weeks and through the first of what would be hundreds of adventures he came to realize that his new roommate was not a student of any recognized medical field but rather one of the greatest analytical and detective minds of the 20th century.
On the surface Sherlock is everything one would expect in a proper and respected member of turn of the century British society. His habits and manner however paint a much different picture. His disposition fluctuates from moments of limitless energy and humor to weeks of depression and languor depending upon his involvement in a case. His personal living habits are bohemian in nature and almost completely unorganized. He also appears to be nearly emotionless in his dealings with other people and says himself that he has never felt an inclination for marriage or love. He is however a gentleman and has been known to show great hospitality and kindness if the fancy seizes him.
Sample post:
My dearest campers,
I have been invited to this rather charming location by your much beloved director to assist in any way with the investigation of the death of her fiancee. I am not sure how much assistance I will be able to provide as I can see no crime having been committed and certainly no actual investigation in progress, but my humble services are of course at your disposal. There is however some small matters that I would like to address with the camp in general before we begin any discussion of the facts in this case.
Upon my arrival I attempted familiarize myself with the technology of this camp but nearly all of my attempts have been obstructed by an entity called "the internet". All inquiries about the character, appearance or location of this enigmatic figure however have been answered in rude and unintelligent messages of "Tits or gtfo". I have received some slightly more detailed answers but in all of these the writers appear to be incapacitated in some way that prevents them from writing without spelling or grammar mistake.
This matter is however a mere trifle compared to the problems that have arisen due to the, ... well I suppose the best way to describe it would be "occupation", that was assigned to me upon my arrival. I have always had a love of music and have amused myself from time to time with writing small pieces for the violin. To confuse this however with a desire to teach and share this with a group of children who have no musical inclination of their own and attempt to destroy their violin on the stage after a successful piece would be a gross mistake.
I of course understand that we must all do our part to co-exist in this location without animosity and bloodshed but I would just like to make sure that anyone who had thought of perhaps asking for a lesson knows that I do in fact know how to use a gun.
Very sincerely yours,
Sherlock Holmes
Poll Vote!
Character: Shamal
Series: Katekyo
Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: Late thirties to early forties.
Job: Doctor and assassin. Was a doctor to a mafia family, then a
school nurse.
Canon: Katekyo Hitman Reborn revolves around Sawada
Tsunayoshi, an inept, cowardly middle-schooler who gets a visit from a
trigger-happy hitman baby. This baby is known as Reborn and trains Tsuna to
become the tenth boss of the greatest mafia family, Vongola! Good times all
around, right? Not for Tsuna, who absolutely does not want to be involved
in the mafia.
Doctor Shamal has already fled Italy to Japan, wanted for cheating on
hundreds of women at once. Of course he loved them all! In Japan, he's
reunited with Gokudera Hayato and Bianchi, half-siblings whom he lived with
during his time in Italy. His relationship with Gokudera is odd, as Shamal
oscillates between giving awful advice on love and sound instruction on
fighting techniques -- he is, after all, the one who taught Gokudera how to
use explosives. However, as a doctor, Shamal specializes in trident
mosquitoes; they're his pride and joy (he names them) and his
weapons: each one carries a different disease, and all it takes is the
opening of a capsule and viola, serious illness get. His nickname in the
assassin world has thus become "Trident Shamal."
Career aside, Shamal's troubles spring from his weakness for girls. He
refuses to treat boys when working as a school nurse, claiming his
"specialization" excludes them. Whenever he sees a girl in the vicinity,
the first thing he'll do is try to kiss her; however, as he's often drunk
and often desperate enough to chase the poor girls, his endeavors fail
constantly. He's quite laid-back otherwise, always disdainful of boys yet
showing a soft spot for some of them (a.k.a. Gokudera) he's known for some
time. When times call for it, he can be serious and a great help in saving
the day (after all, he just sics a mosquito on someone and his work is
done).
Sample Post:
Let me be clear: no boys. As much as you may want my hands on that bleeding
, hairy shin of yours, as much as you might want my precious little
Angela-chan to inject a bit of antidote into your poisoned self -- you don’t
need it. You just need a bit of spit and a shove, don’t ya? Of
course, I don’t immediately reject any ailing boy I see! Look androgynous
enough, I might have to do a quick breast examination to make sure I’m not
missing out on any of that good stuff. See, a free cancer check! Everybody
wins, so quit your whining. That’s not how you get girls.
Why am I here~? Hohoho. As much as I’d like to tell you, “It’s all for the
ladies! Those poor young girls, with their fawn-soft eyes wet with tears as
they hold up a pricked finger to their saint -- their doctor!” . . . that‘s
only seventy percent of the reason. I guess I wouldn’t mind telling ya,
I’ve had a few drinkies and my mosquitoes are quite taken with swampland.
(Just don’t tell the ladies. They’ll have a heart attack out of concern for
me and I’ll be forced to do CPR -- fine, fine, you can tell them.)
Why am I here. Well, gather around, children, but don‘t get too close.
When a man loves a woman very much, he does things to her. Then he falls in
love with another woman and does things to her, as well. Then he falls in
love with another woman and has the grace to secretly do things to
her. Then another woman comes along, and -- well, before you know it, you
got your own bordello! Hehe~. Ah, but don’t forget women tend to get a
little possessive of a man they adore, so in the end you have to blow up a wall to exit your apartment building and flee the country
-- again. Hoho, I just hear Hayato-chan’s teeth grating now. If
only he could understand this is my new calling!
Hello, sir, mind if I take your pulse? None of you look too attractive, and
I want to be sure I‘m not going to catch some disgusting boy disease. . . .
Mhhmmm, yes, yes . . . Ye -- THE HELL? . . . .
.Well, there’s another addition to the list of reasons why I don’t treat
boys. No. 1 They’re boys. No. 2 They’re so heartless they’re dead. Not at
all like brave camping girls. Ahhh, I can see them just waiting for me.
Their long, nimble fingers gathering firewood . . . Skinny dipping every
night . . . Lips moist and open as they play their clarinets in the early
morning . . . Legs spread wide as they mount a horse --
Now if only a nice young lady was here to point me in the direction of a
cold river I could jump into.
Poll Vote!
Character: Colonel Jack O'Neill
Series: Stargate SG-1
Age: 52, give or take a year
Canon: Saving the Galaxy from indestructible space bugs and cliché alien super-villains is just another day in the life of SG-1, the premier team of top secret Air-Force space travel program that has been operating out of Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado since 1997 by using a portal called a Stargate to visit planets across the galaxy. As the leader of this four man team Jack and his companions explore new worlds, meet aliens and get themselves into a whole lot of trouble. Jack is a man with a sarcastic sense of humor and a sharp wit. Still, while he may joke, snark, drop pop-culture references and annoy the hell out of the bad guys, he takes threats very seriously. And he's more than capable of making people eat their threats.
Despite the action and the constant toll on his sanity, Jack takes the whole saving the world business in stride. He still enjoys the simple things in life, like fishing in the fishless pond at his Minnesota cabin with a cold beer just within reach, doing the weekly crossword, or kicking back with The Simpsons after a long day's work.
Jack O'Neill is being apped from Season 7, pre-Lost City.
Sample Post:
Huh… well Dorothy, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. Yep, definitely a little more wet, and a lot less… flat.
Howdy folks, you seem to be having a nice day here, what with the swamp and the heat and the mosquitoes that are bigger than my head. Nice, very nice. Don't even have ones that big at my lake back home, maybe fish that size, or birds. Big birds. You get those a lot?
I'm sure you're all chock full of fun, like alligators and snakes and monsters from the black lagoon. That one I think I can handle.
So aside from deadly head-sized mosquitoes and potential snake invasions, I seem to have a little problem. Last time I checked this is not the P3X-493 I'm looking for. Last time I checked that place had whole loads of sand, far as the eye can see. No swamp. Definitely no swamp. Less people too. Though I guess since you folks are all hanging around, I can at least get some questions answered. First off, I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill, US Air Force, planet Earth, and I'm looking for my team. You can't miss them -guy with dorky glasses, blonde chick, and a big guy with a gold thingy on his forehead all dressed like me. We came through that big metal ring thing about two clicks south. You know, big, round, lights up and spins, does a great puddle imitation? Seen em?
Oh, for crying out loud! They can't be that hard to miss. Come on, do you guys get strangers that often? Fine, I'll find them.
…I don't suppose there's a nice yellow brick road you can point me to?
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Xigbar
Series: Kingdom Hearts 2
Age: 30's(ish)
Job: Your stoner friend Reverse Engineer
Canon: Kingdom Hearts: in which a oversized key wielded by a young boy helps to save the world(s). However, no story is complete without at least one antagonist. 0.In Kingdom Hearts 2, Organization XIII steps up to take that role. Made up of (unsurprisingly) 13 people they seem to be primarily concerned with getting back their hearts.
One of the members of the Organization, and the local sharpshooter, is Xigbar. At first glance, it would be all too easy to merely peg him as carefree, laid-back sort of guy who just likes to take things easy. And for the most part, he is - or was, for all that he no longer has emotions. However, this does not make him any less smart, nor does it mean that he's incapable of being serious, merely that those aspects are hidden under the carefree facade - along with the fact that, like the rest of the Organization, he is Not A Nice Man. Not that you'd necessarily be able to tell, what with his tendencies to have a general 'I am more badass than you and you can't do anything about it' sort of attitude and to break the law of gravity on a regular basis.
Sample Post:
Ha, gotcha-- now?
Since I don't recall there being a swamp in the castle, guess I got a question for ya. Starts with 'where' and ends with 'am I?' I can't just call it 'that place with the zombies' - wouldn't look good on the report. Camp Fuck You Die? Sounds like the person who came up with that name was a little lacking in the brain cells department. It wasn't one of these guys was it? 'Cause it looks to me like they're kinda lacking in that regard ... along with having things like attached limbs. Know some Heartless that look just like 'em, actually. Maybe I'll bring a couple with me next time.
--You know, maybe that would worry me - if I were just an ordinary guy. But I'm not. Nothing ordinary about me. Besides, barriers are easy to deal with - you just haven't been doing it right. Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to insult your abilities. Except for the part where I did. Eh? You wanna make something of it? --Yeah, that's what I thought. Guess you're not as tough as you look. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a barrier to deal with. If I'm feelin' nice, I might even let you come with me. Or maybe I won't. Guess you'll just have to wait and see.
Be a good boy, now - might help your chances, you know. Unless it doesn't.
Oh, is that how you want to play? Guess you didn't understand the gravity of the situation. See, here I was offering you a free ride out of here out of the goodness of my lack of a heart, taking time away from other things I could be doing. But I guess it looks like you don't want it after all. ...What's that? You do want to leave? Too bad, you just blew that chance. Have fun with that 'trapped in a swamp full of zombies' thing.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I imply that I was going to be leaving? My bad. See, unlike you, I'm supposed to be here. And since I've got better things to do then hang around here all day, I'll leave you to your barrier-molesting. Just don't blame me if it takes exception to it.
Poll Vote!
Character: Haru
Series: Fire Candy
Character Age: 24
Job: Giver of The Talk
Canon: At some point and time in the future, humans
became unable to reproduce through good old sex, so the obvious answer
to this problem was to start splicing animals and humans together to
make halfbreed babies. Deemed 'Halfs' these people usually sport
slightly pointed ears, slit pupil eyes and are seen as a subhuman by
the general population -- which would make this seem like a chapter
of Do Not Discriminate Against Mutants, except that Fire Candy focuses
more on gangs of kids that do everything they shouldn't. Sex, drugs,
sex, sex, and did we mention drugs? Among the drugs is 'Fire Candy',
a stimulant which comes with the Surgeon General's warning of 'May
cause spontaneous human combustion'.
Haru is a 24 year old divorced prostitute who happens to be a Half.
He's also a trap in so many ways. He's a fun loving, drug using cute
face who often both acts like and hangs around teenagers -- though he
does have moments where he acts his age. Haru is energetic, and
unapologetic. In general he'll tell you more than you wanted to know
without telling you anything at all and may or may not grab your
breasts and heartmark before stealing a kiss from your man. Haru
swings between cute and the occasional foul mouthed sadist, though the
latter side of his personality shows far less. Death and violence get
him off and there's a certain devil-may-care air to everything he
does.
Sample Post:
HELLO CAMP~~~ ♥
I'm Haru! I've been hired to give you The Talk! So many of you are
underage... Oh well, it's never too early to start your sex~ual
education. Now, usually it goes something like we talk, you give me
some money we head upstairs and fuck like horny bunnies, but I've been
informed that doesn't work here. Besides, there's so many of you!
Even I'd get sore after a while. Instead we're going to have some
seminars. Make sure you sign up for the correct one!
Where is my Vagina and/or Penis? A Lesson for Beginners:
In this fun filled class, we're going to talk about where everything
is! Nothing says I'm a beginner like 'where is your penis?' after
all. No extra materials are needed, just yourself! Unless you're,
ah, somehow handicapped in this area, then please bring a fully
equipped friend and we'll see what we can do~.
I've Found it, Now What?:
The second level of talks, and far more hands on than the first.
It's best if you attend this class with a partner, or two or three!
The local undead don't count because when you molest them pieces of
their skin fall off and that's just not attractive. They don't even
bleed right -- how do I know? That's a lesson for another day.
I'm a Big Kid Now:
The last Talk we'll be having, but hopefully not the last talk ever!
In this seminar we'll cover 'aftermath' and 'snuggling after sex, is
it just a formality?' though, if you're asking those kind of questions
I hope it's because you're a virgin, not because you're a cold selfish
asshole!
For those interested in private tutoring or wish to discuss their
personal sexual deviance please, feel free to ask ♥ . Not that
I just talk to people to get in their pants! You have to pay me,
usually, and prostitutes are real people with real friends too. We
can do all sorts of friendly things together, especially since your
camp has such a varied array of exciting things to do. Like pin the
head on the zombie and
find-the-telepathic-bitch-in-my-head-and-pin-it-to-a-tree -- ahahaha,
I didn't mean torture the toucans! We're just going to kill them,
together~ ♥
Er, sorry. Was that too much information? Let's start over. Hi!
I'm Haru, and I'm not a good role model.
Poll Vote!
Character: Yuki Eiri (real name Uesugi Eiri)
Series: Gravitation
Character Age: 22
Job: Creative writing instructor.
Canon: Gravitation is a canon packed full of many things. Music, lyrics, a hell of a lot of slapstick comedy, and even a giant panda robot. And in the midst of all the crack stands one (1) Yuki Eiri, romance novelist extraordinaire. Yes, he writes torrid and often tragic love stories featuring beautiful young women ...while his boyfriend is asleep in the next room. What can I say; Eiri may be many things (a snarky bitch, a chain smoker, and a deadline-induced hermit), but he is rarely predictable.
Not even his boyfriend lover get the fuck out of my apartment boyfriend, Shindou Shuichi, knows all that much about him. The viewer learns (alongside our pink-haired protagonist) that behind Eiri's protective outer shell of cynicism is a caring and protective individual, someone who very few people will ever get to see. But Eiri's secrets and violent past are revealed throughout the series, as we watch Shindou Shuichi bounce, annoy, and spazz his way into Eiri's life, apartment, and eventually heart.
So say hello to the bloody-handed author who feeds stray cats, runs away from celery, can only sleep on his stomach, and is stalked by his certifiably insane family members. His sister Mika puts it best, when she says, "The Yuki Eiri you think you know is an impostor."
A very pretty impostor.
Sample App:
Shipped off to a summer camp that smells like the city dump... I guess this is what happens when you miss one too many deadlines? Phone calls from my editor are easy enough to ignore, but a limo full of armed guards managed to get my attention. It's kind of ironic, really, the late manuscript was actually about a mob family. Except in my story they kidnapped the boss' daughter. Do I look like a daughter? This is exactly why I don't sign movie deals, nobody ever sticks to the script.
Anyway. I'm not the sort of guy who asks a lot of questions.
I kept my mouth shut when my scotch was mysteriously replaced with apple juice. I didn't mock whoever it was that decorated an oak tree with underpants, and I didn't say a word when my latest manuscript was sent for by carrier toucan. I remain unimpressed, camp. I've seen people wandering around naked calling themselves cowboys, before... Americans clearly have way too much time on their hands. And while I have to admit to some curiosity about the tentacles sticking out of the lake? At the end of the day, it's none of my business.
It'd be nice if someone would say why the entirety of my class will be publishing works posthumously... but every explanation I receive here seems to boil down to, "If I kill enough brain cells, maybe this will make sense," and like I said, my alcohol's gone missing. So. Class is now in session. Try to stay in your seats today, and if you're bored just put your head down on your desk instead of throwing it at me. That goes for all other stray body parts as well, I'm running out of Shout wipes and this is a designer suit.
Let's start with the critiques. I'd be a horrible instructor if I didn't make it clear that some things just aren't appropriate in a love story--like cannibalism. I know I said I wanted to see "nail-biting suspense" but he really shouldn't make it all the way up her arm. I guess I could suspend my disbelief and say that you're some sort of fetishist trying to make a statement, but that statement is really just, "I have no talent." Whoever wrote this one, you should give it up and consider a new career; this just isn't the line of work for you. I recommend plumbing. Maybe being knee deep in other people's shit for a few years will make up for what I just went through reading your drivel.
The truth? You people are morons. Losers. Wastes of space, and I hate you all.
...but whichever kiss up trained the gorillas to fetch cigarettes on command?
You're alright.
Poll Vote!
Character: Dr. Dmitri Yuriev
Age: appears in his late 30-50s (approximately 2-3 centuries old)
Series: Xenosaga I-III (the video game series)
Position: Clone Councilor
Canon: Spoilers for the entire series.
Xenosaga is set roughly 5000 years ahead in a future where the Internet is as abundant as the air, where star travel is as normal as airplanes, and appearance and age are becoming a concern of the past due to incredible medical advances. The human race is beset by extra-dimensional alien forms, such as the Gnosis, and overrun by religious fanatics, biologically engineered weapons and revolutionary scientists and hackers. It's a tough place to live: we recommend you take one of the ever-popular mecha or a few Ethers (more commonly known as spells) to fight your way to your way to safety.
Dmitri Yuriev is a powerful politician and scientist. As the head of the Salvators, one of the largest political factions created for the rights of genetically modified humans in the Galactic Senate and one of the top genetic experts, he is a powerful manipulator of humanity in many of its forms. He is the designer and biological father of the URTV's--genetically modified humans with the capacity to create waves to combat an extra-dimensional threat known as U-DO--of which Jr. was the 666th and leader. Often appearing impersonal, arrogant and critical of those around him, he strives to present himself at his best at all times, to abusing anti-aging drugs to attempt to appear young forever. It is all part of an act carefully contrived over several decades to conceal his true goal: to gain the power of U-DO with his own and become God.
Yuriev is taken after his demise in episode III. Mentions of Jr. and Wilhelm made with permission of the players.
Sample post:
Greetings, campers, counselors, and other...inhabitants of Camp Fuck U Die, the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.
You'll have to forgive me my little joke. I've always wanted to say that. But you look so unsurprised by it--ah, well. I suppose that it was simply too much to hope for in a group of mostly teenagers. Hormonal and angry and not much else, usually. I must admit, in my experience, the older children get, the more willful and moody that they act--sensitive, even. And they get even more so when they think that they're different from the others. Which is why, I suppose the director went to the trouble of contacting and hiring me, an expert scientist doing something that's like hand-holding as the counselor of "troubled" teens. But, I do suppose I have a contract to fulfill to pay for "services rendered" to get out of here alive, so counseling it will have to be.
For those of you that do not know me, allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Dmitri Yuriev, scientist and former head of the Salvator faction. I am also the man with the singular honor of being the new counselor for the Salvators among you. Or, if you prefer, I believe the director mentioned that the term "clone" was still in use at this time. In either case, I am well versed in the concerns of such children, as you could say their development has become my specialty throughout the years. I especially am proud of my talents in the fields of nurturing singular talents and teamwork. Just look at what independent people my children grew up to be, after all. Why, they even have their own galaxy wide corporations and they go around saving pepole on a regular basis. I'm very proud of how much they've grown, of course.
But in any case, you're all free to stop by for a free checkup and a chat. I am most concerned with the Salvators, of course, but I don't mind speaking with those who wish to meet me. I'd like to get to know everyone a little better. And I see a few, ah, familiar faces, who I'd love to get caught up with. You all look just like you haven't aged a day and I would love to hear how you've been doing. Do stop by at any time you can. And don't be afraid of the decor: the rack came with the room and I'm just using it as a exam table until I can find a replacement. So, please feel free to stop by the labs, and see what's on the slab...
...I see you shivering in anticipation.
Poll Vote!