(no subject)
Counselor apps will be open until July 2nd at 6 AM EST. We will only be putting thirty applications up to vote, and weeding will be done within twenty-four hours because Box Woman is going to have iffy internet access after tomorrow I HAVE BEEN INFORMED OTHERWISE. Weeding will be done ASAP. Promise. >: If you are weeded, please do not e-mail us or PM us to ask why we weeded your application. There are a lot of people vying for a limited number of slots, and we can only accept so many. And, ah, please don't ask us who was apped or what is going to go up or when a batch is going to go up.
With that said, here are the first five counselor apps! These all had the following:
1) A useful, active, creative, functional JOB.
2) No format errors.
3) Nice, strong canons. Strikeout jokes weren't overused, image links weren't overpowering, the format was not overbearing - basically, things we know can get an app voted out all by themselves.
4) ... also. The time of submission of the application absolutely did not matter, and they were not dups.
I didn't steal that from jedera's first post for the last counselor round or anything. Really.
Also! Voters, please reread the note we had in the last voting post. We know counselor apps can be very, very stressful, but please bear with us. As a final note, since these are counselor apps, we won't be going as fast with the voting as we did before. We will still try to get up as much as possible so you guys can vote and get the results ASAP, but we'll be turning it down a notch for this. Still, vote when you see the round! As soon as we get a substantial amount of votes and it looks as though the results will not change, we will close the round.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- eta: We love you darlings and your body switching antics, but we're going to have to ask that you vote with your own account and only vote once. ♥ Due to account malfunctions, I'll be manually calculating the totals for this batch after I close it. Final percentages will be posted by the apps.
Now VOTE. Holy crap, 71 votes on one of these apps? I'd say that's a big turnout. Actual results are right below the app's poll in bold, due to the fact that I had to toss a vote from each one. Closed!
Character: Arthur Trine
Series: Gundam Seed Destiny (http://www.gundam-seed-d.net/)
Age: 26
Job: Pep Coordinator/Camp Mascot
Canon: Arthur Trine is the oft-flustered second-in-command of the ZAFT battleship Minerva, serving with pleasure under the bodacious Captain Talia Gladys. His duties on-board include standing behind Talia, occasionally spluttering uselessly at Shinn, doing what Talia says, bouncing, spazzing, fanboying Lacus Clyne, yearning for Talia's smile, daydreaming, squealing, frowning, panicking, being jealous of Gilly, and generally being Number Two. At the bitter end, Talia hands over the reins of the ship so she can go to Gilbert Dullindal's side, and Arthur just kind of goes "ehhh!?"
He is probably a virgin.
Sample Post:
Friends, campers, gorilla-men! Lend me your ears! I, Arthur Trine, your counselor henceforth, bring you tidings of your beloved Director!
You'll be delighted to know that I have been hired to do a fine woman's bidding, to serve and honour her will, to muster pep and vim and other three-letter-words of joy! Why the get-up, you ask? Well! I am more accustomed to a military uniform, it's true, but with careful steam ironing and perhaps the addition of epaulets - if the Director approves of my humble petition - even a hamster suit can command respect! More importantly, a hamster suit given to me in a little pack that said "Arthur, wear this" written, perhaps, in her own ladylike script, as ladylike as one could possibly be when writing in purple crayon-
What?! Do not assail me with rocks! They really, really hurt and some of them are pointy.
I'll just clarify my orders with this handy laptop. Ma'am - if I may have a word, your guidance? Jump, ma'am? I can only respond, "how high?" Dance, dance, 'til I can't dance no more? It is an honour to do so!! Oh!! I did forget the cookies! I shall persevere, Ma'am!
Campers! Your attention please.
... FREE COOKIES! FREE COOKIES THAT LOOK LIKE A FINE, HONORABLE WOMAN'S BOSOM!
Ah, that worked. I have brought all the campers to the yard. Now, in order to get cookies, you must simply pay homage to your beloved Director. Me first!!
Dear Madame! We have never met face-to-face, but I- ow! feel somehow emboldened just knowing that this place is - CEASE THROWING ROCKS, IF YOU WOULD - managed by a woman, an undoubtedly beautiful and - You shall pay for my laundering, pie hurling fiend! - strong-willed, dominating - Sir, this is not a bathing suit and I don't feel like swimming, so I would appreciate not being dragged into the lake - I shall greatly enjoy serving beneath - ehhh??!? What's this? Who stole the cookies while I was paying tribute?
Ma'am, I believe a strategic retreat is called for at this time. Is there some trick to the removal of the costume?
... Ma'am!? Ma'am not found? I'll - once I get out of this hamster suit I'll have WORDS with this dastardly laptop!
For now, I shall continue to muster pep. And vim. Orders received, Ma'am, yes Ma'am!!
Poll Vote!
52 in, 10 out, 62 total. 83.9%
Character: Greed (v.1.0)
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist (manga)
Age: almost 200 years
Job: Career counselor/motivational speaker
Canon: (contains spoilers for manga volumes 7 and 8) The first Greed was, like his brother and sister Sins, a homunculus: a human created using alchemy, with the ability to regenerate and shield his body parts. But so great was his desire to live forever...well, no. So great was Greed's desire for everything he could get his hands on that he abandoned his homunculus "family" and went off on his own to seek fame, money, power, and sex by any means necessary. Above all else, his one driving goal was to achieve true immortality. In this he failed; after his eventual capture by Wrath and refusal to rejoin the other homunculi, Greed 1 was destroyed once and for all by being boiled in oil by Father, the mysterious man behind his creation.
Although Greed cannot by any stretch of the imagination be called a "good guy," as far as homunculi go, he appears to be laid-back, lucid, and relatively easy to get along with. He has set policies of complete honesty and non-violence against women, does his best to avoid violent conflict, and has no apparent bias against humanity. His flunkies are loyal to him out of a sense of friendship. While it's unlikely that Greed feels any deep attachment to them in return, he does seem to genuinely enjoy their company and has a strong possessive streak.
In demeanor, Greed is smooth and cool and in control, although not above moments of awkward dorkiness when he slips up. He's perceptive, vain, intelligent, easygoing, and fun-loving. Above all, Greed is greedy.
Very, very greedy.
Note: Greed 1 is a distinct character from Greed 2/Ling Yao. The two don't share most of their quirks or overall personality.
Sample Post:
Bear with me, campers. The good lady didn't give me much to work with. Cue card's a little stained, here...
At a loss as to how to face the future? Do you wake up every morning and despair that you haven't yet achieved your dreams? Do you roll over, get an eyeful of the zombie you're spooning, remember that you didn't even get smashed last night, and wonder how you ended up in this rut instead of where you've always wanted to be: bringing in eight figures and banging your barely-legal secretary on your mahogany desk? Picturing how she'd like it if you put the cellphone on vibrate once in awhile so that when your wife called--
Ow. So I improvised a little--ever heard of a warning shot? Homunculi have feelings too, kid. Or nerve endings, at least. Who armed all of you, anyway?
To hell with the script. Kids, I'm here to give you a hand...once it regenerates completely. Because you see, I was once like you. Sexier, of course--but good looks aside, everyone has something they want to make of themselves. You want to be doctors, lawyers, models, catboys. I'm not sure why anyone would pick that last one, but alchemy's come a long way, so don't give up on your fucked-up fantasies. That young lady in the third row wants to be a camp counselor's one-night stand. And I'd like to have a hand in making that dream a reality.
I achieved my goal in life, and so can you. I've got myself a sweet deal right now. The pay's shitty, but the benefits are out of this world. I wanted eternal life, and I got it. I had the drive, kids, and I didn't let anyone push me around. I reached out and grasped my immortality with my own two hands. So here's your first bit of advice for the future: they don't much like having that red puffball thing pulled on. Okay, so maybe I have problems with impulse control. But I didn't expect eternal life to be so damn huggable, either.
Now that you're all set to live forever in the fluffiest possible way, it's time to focus on how you're going to make the most of the years to come. If you're struggling on your path to fame and success, you've come to the wrong place, but at least you can go to the right person: me. Stand with me and there's nothing you can't do. Behind me, though; you're ruining Miss Third Row's view of the goods. That's right: Mr. Greed's here to help you grow a pair and take everything you ever wanted from life, provided I don't want it more.
Good luck with that.
In the meantime, I've got some Moogles to feed. I call the big one Bitey.
Poll Vote!
66 in, 3 out, 69 total. 95.7%
Character: Zack
Series: Final Fantasy (Crisis Core/VII/Advent Children), Last Order
Age: 23
Job: Hygiene Enforcer
Canon: Zack was a SOLDIER, one of the Shinra Electric Power Company's special elite military force - and more than that, he was a SOLDIER First Class, one of the best of the best (of the best of the best SIR). When he was a teenager, he ran away from his home in the backwater town Gongaga and went to Midgar, which is where he joined Shinra's private army, and eventually recieved the drugs that would give him awesome glowing Mary-Sue eyes and incidentally make him stronger, faster, better. He's an easygoing guy, friendly and cheerful; he's also loyal to a fault to those he cares for, and will do anything for them. His best friend and pet project is Cloud Strife, wussy infantryman, and Zack gives his life to ensure Cloud's freedom. Zack's got a strong sense of right and wrong, as well. He's hardly perfect, though; he likes to boast, and when he doesn't need to be serious, he can be a real dork. Dorky outside, suave, sweet, cool inside. He's got layers.
Sample Post:
Oh, man. I've had some bad truck rides, but that one just took the prize. If I never wake up buried to the neck in onions again, it'll be way too soon. I think I have onions wedged up my ass from the bumps the truck went over, and the smell wasn't too great either. Or maybe that was me, I couldn't tell. Don't exactly have time to shower when you're hauling ass across country with the world's biggest goon squad in hot pursuit, so I'd guess that I'm not exactly fresh as a daisy. Think I'll be smelling onions for the next sixty years, though, so guess I'll have to get someone else to tell me.
You over there! Yeah, you. Do I stink? C'mere, smell my pit- ha! Yup, I stink. Wow, never seen someone go green and keel over quite that quickly. Though come to think of it, I think he was green before. There a leaky Mako reactor around here? Hey, buddy, let's get you to a hospital. C'mon, up we g-
Oh. Well, on the one hand, no leaking Mako reactor is a good thing. On the other hand, there's a rotting dead guy chewing through the glove. Off. Down. Sit. Stay. Good dead guy. Aww, you're like a puppy, aren't you? You remind me of Cloud. Heck, you're even right about the colour he always turned right before hitting my best boots with his breakfast. I think I'll keep you! Now, how d'you turn on this thing the lady driving the truck gave me? Mighty kind of her to give me a job and a nice gift like a new compute- ah, there we go.
Hey, brats! This ain't much like any summer camp I went to as a kid, but hey, we're all unique snowflakes right? And apparently the yellow snowflakes, 'cause the lady in charge of your camp decided she needed a guy to make sure you all took baths and washed your clothes. Not sure what she was thinkin', but hey, if you don't clean up, I can hold you down and scrub behind your ears with the best of them. Job says 'hygiene enforcer' and I'm one of the best enforcers around, if I do say so myself. You've got two days to get yourselves cleaned up before I start inspecting. Oh, and you can send the email-bombs I bet you're planning to scarlet dot woman at shinra dot net, kids. Zack, signing off~
Right, now that's done with, gives me two days to actually find the camp. Unless you can sniff it out, budd-
. . . okay, that's new. Cloud never asked me to play fetch with his fibula.
Poll Vote!
32 in, 27 out, 59 total. 54.2%
Character: Hoban "Wash" Washburne
Series: Firefly/Serenity
Age: Mid-thirties? ish?
Job: Endurance Coach
Canon: The talented pilot aboard the late twenty-fifth century cargo ship Serenity, Wash is capable, intelligent, and a complete spaz. He's much less eager to enter into violent situations than several of his crew-mates. These include Captain Malcolm Reynolds, the mercenary Jayne Cobb, and Wash's warrior woman of a wife, the first mate Zoe. However, he is competent with firearms and definitely isn't what you'd call a coward.
Wash is a talkative, enthusiastic man with a quirky sense of humour and a penchant for Hawaiian shirts. He has enough mechanical know-how to babble endlessly about wiring systems with Kaylee (the mechanic), but is sometimes a bit clueless as to the issues within his marriage. His childhood was spent on a planet so polluted that the stars could not be seen; Wash says that he became a pilot to be able to see the sky. Taken from post-Serenity, Wash is aware of... everything that happened to him in his canon. Also, he plays with little plastic dinosaurs.
Sample Post:
Hi. Ni Hao? Hello. Hello? Anybody here? In this... very lovely swamp? Anybody who can maybe tell me where I am? Other than, y'know. Swamp. Not that I'm complaining about the swamp, mind you. I mean. There are trees. I like trees. You might even say I'm a fan of trees. At least when they're not being shoved through my chest, or trying to grab my - okay, so maybe I'm not such a big fan of the trees. Note to self. No, no, how about big old neon sign to self: for the love of warrior women and hot dumplings and all kinds of neat stuff, stay away from the groping trees. Can trees even do that?
Alright, alright, I think I'm getting the hang of this. Walk through the swamp, stay away from the trees. That's a place to start. This is me, walking through a swamp. With a gun and papers saying that I'm supposed to be the camp endurance coach and oh my god are these zombies? There are zombies in this swamp! It's like a whole new wacky kind of fun. And terror. And shooting. Why is there shooting? Endurance coach is not generally a job that I'd associate with shooting. At zombies. Hello, my name is Wash, I'm your friendly camp endurance coach and I'm just going to give you a quick demonstration of shooting at zombies.
Bang! Bang! Don't worry kids, it's just a demonstration and you can close your eyes during the scary parts. Our dashing hero... striding through the swamp. Avast, foul zombie! Drop your dastardly plans for eating my brains or I will shoot thee in the eye! Bang! For I am a dashing hero that keeps my word. And okay that was fun I think I see the camp now see you later goodbye.
See, that was pretty good, right? I can swing it. I can do endurance coach. I mean, endurance. That's something I have. Like sometimes, with my wife... well, you should just see her. Stamina. The word is stamina. And why am I telling you the word, this is a summer camp which means children which means why don't we ignore what I just said. Changing the subject now. Um. Subject change.
Does anybody have any little plastic dinosaurs?
Poll Vote!
55 in, 16 out, 71 total. 77.5%
Character: Tanizaki Yukari
Series: Azumanga Daioh
Age: Never given, estimated to be in early thirties.
Job: English Teacher/Tutor
Canon: Azumanga Daioh is a manga/anime about...well nothing. It follows the high school lives of a group of young girls and their teachers.
Yukari aka Yukari-Sensei, is the homeroom and English teacher of the main cast, Class 3. She is extremely blunt, selfish, and crude in her mannerisms. Her moods range from lazy and apathetic to extreme bouts of rage and competitive fits. For someone who's supposed to be the 'adult', she has no problem with resorting to childish pranks or temper tantrums to get what she wants, and her teasing can be viewed as cruel sometimes (once she pretended to toss her student over a cliff!). Yukari has a long-standing rivalry and friendship with the school's PE teacher, Nyamo, and frequently competes with her out of spite, for attention, or just for the hell of it. Yukari is well known for her reckless, trauma-inducing driving skills and loves a good bet...especially if she's benefitting from it.
Sample Post:
Hellooooo, brats of Camp Fuck You Die! Is that Engrish there? I think that's Engrish. Hope no one minds I parked the car on the bear skin rug! ....and well if you didn't have one before you have one now! No need to thank me, I'm just a super generous person like that. And by the way, I expect one of you to reimburse my gas money.
Now now, I bet some of you are wondering why I'm here in the first place! Of course it doesn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with Nyamo. I mean, it's not like I came here outta pure SPITE after she ditched me to go teach at Camp We Luv U Smile for the summer vacation, NO. I just happen to be kind enough to volunteer my services to help educate you silly slow kids over the summer break!
Of course, with every vacation there comes a challenge. That said...
WE MUST DEFEAT ZOMBIE CLASS B FROM ACROSS THE LAKE.
Oooh, yeah. I've been scopin' them out! They think they're soooo smart, just because they can say BRAINS in three different languages! Cerveaux, cerebros, cerevelii. Then they have the nerve to strut around munching on the things with an ACCENT. Bru-AINZ? Please. Well I've got news for them, buddy! Yukari-Sensei is the number one English teacher in these parts, and I ain't letting no cocky undead take that newly-established title that I deem prestigious away from me!
SO I HAVE A PROPOSITION! You all look like an intelligent bunch of eggheads! Though seriously, you with the forehead? How the hell did you get through your mother's womb? We'll challenge those wannabes to an Ultimate English Showdown of Ultimate English Destiny! If we win I'll take everyone out for Korean barbeque! And by Korean barbeque I mean you all get some s'mores! Everyone loves s'mores! Now how's that for motivation, eh? FAITO.
Now's time for lesson numero uno! REPEAT AFTER ME THREE TIMES FAST.
"I AM SOFA KING WE TODD ED"
...
Eh heh heh heh.
Poll Vote!
61 in, 7 out, 69 68 total. 88.4% 89.7% I'm awesome at math, what.
With that said, here are the first five counselor apps! These all had the following:
1) A useful, active, creative, functional JOB.
2) No format errors.
3) Nice, strong canons. Strikeout jokes weren't overused, image links weren't overpowering, the format was not overbearing - basically, things we know can get an app voted out all by themselves.
4) ... also. The time of submission of the application absolutely did not matter, and they were not dups.
I didn't steal that from jedera's first post for the last counselor round or anything. Really.
Also! Voters, please reread the note we had in the last voting post. We know counselor apps can be very, very stressful, but please bear with us. As a final note, since these are counselor apps, we won't be going as fast with the voting as we did before. We will still try to get up as much as possible so you guys can vote and get the results ASAP, but we'll be turning it down a notch for this. Still, vote when you see the round! As soon as we get a substantial amount of votes and it looks as though the results will not change, we will close the round.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- eta: We love you darlings and your body switching antics, but we're going to have to ask that you vote with your own account and only vote once. ♥ Due to account malfunctions, I'll be manually calculating the totals for this batch after I close it. Final percentages will be posted by the apps.
Now VOTE. Holy crap, 71 votes on one of these apps? I'd say that's a big turnout. Actual results are right below the app's poll in bold, due to the fact that I had to toss a vote from each one. Closed!
Character: Arthur Trine
Series: Gundam Seed Destiny (http://www.gundam-seed-d.net/)
Age: 26
Job: Pep Coordinator/Camp Mascot
Canon: Arthur Trine is the oft-flustered second-in-command of the ZAFT battleship Minerva, serving with pleasure under the bodacious Captain Talia Gladys. His duties on-board include standing behind Talia, occasionally spluttering uselessly at Shinn, doing what Talia says, bouncing, spazzing, fanboying Lacus Clyne, yearning for Talia's smile, daydreaming, squealing, frowning, panicking, being jealous of Gilly, and generally being Number Two. At the bitter end, Talia hands over the reins of the ship so she can go to Gilbert Dullindal's side, and Arthur just kind of goes "ehhh!?"
He is probably a virgin.
Sample Post:
Friends, campers, gorilla-men! Lend me your ears! I, Arthur Trine, your counselor henceforth, bring you tidings of your beloved Director!
You'll be delighted to know that I have been hired to do a fine woman's bidding, to serve and honour her will, to muster pep and vim and other three-letter-words of joy! Why the get-up, you ask? Well! I am more accustomed to a military uniform, it's true, but with careful steam ironing and perhaps the addition of epaulets - if the Director approves of my humble petition - even a hamster suit can command respect! More importantly, a hamster suit given to me in a little pack that said "Arthur, wear this" written, perhaps, in her own ladylike script, as ladylike as one could possibly be when writing in purple crayon-
What?! Do not assail me with rocks! They really, really hurt and some of them are pointy.
I'll just clarify my orders with this handy laptop. Ma'am - if I may have a word, your guidance? Jump, ma'am? I can only respond, "how high?" Dance, dance, 'til I can't dance no more? It is an honour to do so!! Oh!! I did forget the cookies! I shall persevere, Ma'am!
Campers! Your attention please.
... FREE COOKIES! FREE COOKIES THAT LOOK LIKE A FINE, HONORABLE WOMAN'S BOSOM!
Ah, that worked. I have brought all the campers to the yard. Now, in order to get cookies, you must simply pay homage to your beloved Director. Me first!!
Dear Madame! We have never met face-to-face, but I- ow! feel somehow emboldened just knowing that this place is - CEASE THROWING ROCKS, IF YOU WOULD - managed by a woman, an undoubtedly beautiful and - You shall pay for my laundering, pie hurling fiend! - strong-willed, dominating - Sir, this is not a bathing suit and I don't feel like swimming, so I would appreciate not being dragged into the lake - I shall greatly enjoy serving beneath - ehhh??!? What's this? Who stole the cookies while I was paying tribute?
Ma'am, I believe a strategic retreat is called for at this time. Is there some trick to the removal of the costume?
... Ma'am!? Ma'am not found? I'll - once I get out of this hamster suit I'll have WORDS with this dastardly laptop!
For now, I shall continue to muster pep. And vim. Orders received, Ma'am, yes Ma'am!!
Poll Vote!
52 in, 10 out, 62 total. 83.9%
Character: Greed (v.1.0)
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist (manga)
Age: almost 200 years
Job: Career counselor/motivational speaker
Canon: (contains spoilers for manga volumes 7 and 8) The first Greed was, like his brother and sister Sins, a homunculus: a human created using alchemy, with the ability to regenerate and shield his body parts. But so great was his desire to live forever...well, no. So great was Greed's desire for everything he could get his hands on that he abandoned his homunculus "family" and went off on his own to seek fame, money, power, and sex by any means necessary. Above all else, his one driving goal was to achieve true immortality. In this he failed; after his eventual capture by Wrath and refusal to rejoin the other homunculi, Greed 1 was destroyed once and for all by being boiled in oil by Father, the mysterious man behind his creation.
Although Greed cannot by any stretch of the imagination be called a "good guy," as far as homunculi go, he appears to be laid-back, lucid, and relatively easy to get along with. He has set policies of complete honesty and non-violence against women, does his best to avoid violent conflict, and has no apparent bias against humanity. His flunkies are loyal to him out of a sense of friendship. While it's unlikely that Greed feels any deep attachment to them in return, he does seem to genuinely enjoy their company and has a strong possessive streak.
In demeanor, Greed is smooth and cool and in control, although not above moments of awkward dorkiness when he slips up. He's perceptive, vain, intelligent, easygoing, and fun-loving. Above all, Greed is greedy.
Very, very greedy.
Note: Greed 1 is a distinct character from Greed 2/Ling Yao. The two don't share most of their quirks or overall personality.
Sample Post:
Bear with me, campers. The good lady didn't give me much to work with. Cue card's a little stained, here...
At a loss as to how to face the future? Do you wake up every morning and despair that you haven't yet achieved your dreams? Do you roll over, get an eyeful of the zombie you're spooning, remember that you didn't even get smashed last night, and wonder how you ended up in this rut instead of where you've always wanted to be: bringing in eight figures and banging your barely-legal secretary on your mahogany desk? Picturing how she'd like it if you put the cellphone on vibrate once in awhile so that when your wife called--
Ow. So I improvised a little--ever heard of a warning shot? Homunculi have feelings too, kid. Or nerve endings, at least. Who armed all of you, anyway?
To hell with the script. Kids, I'm here to give you a hand...once it regenerates completely. Because you see, I was once like you. Sexier, of course--but good looks aside, everyone has something they want to make of themselves. You want to be doctors, lawyers, models, catboys. I'm not sure why anyone would pick that last one, but alchemy's come a long way, so don't give up on your fucked-up fantasies. That young lady in the third row wants to be a camp counselor's one-night stand. And I'd like to have a hand in making that dream a reality.
I achieved my goal in life, and so can you. I've got myself a sweet deal right now. The pay's shitty, but the benefits are out of this world. I wanted eternal life, and I got it. I had the drive, kids, and I didn't let anyone push me around. I reached out and grasped my immortality with my own two hands. So here's your first bit of advice for the future: they don't much like having that red puffball thing pulled on. Okay, so maybe I have problems with impulse control. But I didn't expect eternal life to be so damn huggable, either.
Now that you're all set to live forever in the fluffiest possible way, it's time to focus on how you're going to make the most of the years to come. If you're struggling on your path to fame and success, you've come to the wrong place, but at least you can go to the right person: me. Stand with me and there's nothing you can't do. Behind me, though; you're ruining Miss Third Row's view of the goods. That's right: Mr. Greed's here to help you grow a pair and take everything you ever wanted from life, provided I don't want it more.
Good luck with that.
In the meantime, I've got some Moogles to feed. I call the big one Bitey.
Poll Vote!
66 in, 3 out, 69 total. 95.7%
Character: Zack
Series: Final Fantasy (Crisis Core/VII/Advent Children), Last Order
Age: 23
Job: Hygiene Enforcer
Canon: Zack was a SOLDIER, one of the Shinra Electric Power Company's special elite military force - and more than that, he was a SOLDIER First Class, one of the best of the best (of the best of the best SIR). When he was a teenager, he ran away from his home in the backwater town Gongaga and went to Midgar, which is where he joined Shinra's private army, and eventually recieved the drugs that would give him awesome glowing Mary-Sue eyes and incidentally make him stronger, faster, better. He's an easygoing guy, friendly and cheerful; he's also loyal to a fault to those he cares for, and will do anything for them. His best friend and pet project is Cloud Strife, wussy infantryman, and Zack gives his life to ensure Cloud's freedom. Zack's got a strong sense of right and wrong, as well. He's hardly perfect, though; he likes to boast, and when he doesn't need to be serious, he can be a real dork. Dorky outside, suave, sweet, cool inside. He's got layers.
Sample Post:
Oh, man. I've had some bad truck rides, but that one just took the prize. If I never wake up buried to the neck in onions again, it'll be way too soon. I think I have onions wedged up my ass from the bumps the truck went over, and the smell wasn't too great either. Or maybe that was me, I couldn't tell. Don't exactly have time to shower when you're hauling ass across country with the world's biggest goon squad in hot pursuit, so I'd guess that I'm not exactly fresh as a daisy. Think I'll be smelling onions for the next sixty years, though, so guess I'll have to get someone else to tell me.
You over there! Yeah, you. Do I stink? C'mere, smell my pit- ha! Yup, I stink. Wow, never seen someone go green and keel over quite that quickly. Though come to think of it, I think he was green before. There a leaky Mako reactor around here? Hey, buddy, let's get you to a hospital. C'mon, up we g-
Oh. Well, on the one hand, no leaking Mako reactor is a good thing. On the other hand, there's a rotting dead guy chewing through the glove. Off. Down. Sit. Stay. Good dead guy. Aww, you're like a puppy, aren't you? You remind me of Cloud. Heck, you're even right about the colour he always turned right before hitting my best boots with his breakfast. I think I'll keep you! Now, how d'you turn on this thing the lady driving the truck gave me? Mighty kind of her to give me a job and a nice gift like a new compute- ah, there we go.
Hey, brats! This ain't much like any summer camp I went to as a kid, but hey, we're all unique snowflakes right? And apparently the yellow snowflakes, 'cause the lady in charge of your camp decided she needed a guy to make sure you all took baths and washed your clothes. Not sure what she was thinkin', but hey, if you don't clean up, I can hold you down and scrub behind your ears with the best of them. Job says 'hygiene enforcer' and I'm one of the best enforcers around, if I do say so myself. You've got two days to get yourselves cleaned up before I start inspecting. Oh, and you can send the email-bombs I bet you're planning to scarlet dot woman at shinra dot net, kids. Zack, signing off~
Right, now that's done with, gives me two days to actually find the camp. Unless you can sniff it out, budd-
. . . okay, that's new. Cloud never asked me to play fetch with his fibula.
Poll Vote!
32 in, 27 out, 59 total. 54.2%
Character: Hoban "Wash" Washburne
Series: Firefly/Serenity
Age: Mid-thirties? ish?
Job: Endurance Coach
Canon: The talented pilot aboard the late twenty-fifth century cargo ship Serenity, Wash is capable, intelligent, and a complete spaz. He's much less eager to enter into violent situations than several of his crew-mates. These include Captain Malcolm Reynolds, the mercenary Jayne Cobb, and Wash's warrior woman of a wife, the first mate Zoe. However, he is competent with firearms and definitely isn't what you'd call a coward.
Wash is a talkative, enthusiastic man with a quirky sense of humour and a penchant for Hawaiian shirts. He has enough mechanical know-how to babble endlessly about wiring systems with Kaylee (the mechanic), but is sometimes a bit clueless as to the issues within his marriage. His childhood was spent on a planet so polluted that the stars could not be seen; Wash says that he became a pilot to be able to see the sky. Taken from post-Serenity, Wash is aware of... everything that happened to him in his canon. Also, he plays with little plastic dinosaurs.
Sample Post:
Hi. Ni Hao? Hello. Hello? Anybody here? In this... very lovely swamp? Anybody who can maybe tell me where I am? Other than, y'know. Swamp. Not that I'm complaining about the swamp, mind you. I mean. There are trees. I like trees. You might even say I'm a fan of trees. At least when they're not being shoved through my chest, or trying to grab my - okay, so maybe I'm not such a big fan of the trees. Note to self. No, no, how about big old neon sign to self: for the love of warrior women and hot dumplings and all kinds of neat stuff, stay away from the groping trees. Can trees even do that?
Alright, alright, I think I'm getting the hang of this. Walk through the swamp, stay away from the trees. That's a place to start. This is me, walking through a swamp. With a gun and papers saying that I'm supposed to be the camp endurance coach and oh my god are these zombies? There are zombies in this swamp! It's like a whole new wacky kind of fun. And terror. And shooting. Why is there shooting? Endurance coach is not generally a job that I'd associate with shooting. At zombies. Hello, my name is Wash, I'm your friendly camp endurance coach and I'm just going to give you a quick demonstration of shooting at zombies.
Bang! Bang! Don't worry kids, it's just a demonstration and you can close your eyes during the scary parts. Our dashing hero... striding through the swamp. Avast, foul zombie! Drop your dastardly plans for eating my brains or I will shoot thee in the eye! Bang! For I am a dashing hero that keeps my word. And okay that was fun I think I see the camp now see you later goodbye.
See, that was pretty good, right? I can swing it. I can do endurance coach. I mean, endurance. That's something I have. Like sometimes, with my wife... well, you should just see her. Stamina. The word is stamina. And why am I telling you the word, this is a summer camp which means children which means why don't we ignore what I just said. Changing the subject now. Um. Subject change.
Does anybody have any little plastic dinosaurs?
Poll Vote!
55 in, 16 out, 71 total. 77.5%
Character: Tanizaki Yukari
Series: Azumanga Daioh
Age: Never given, estimated to be in early thirties.
Job: English Teacher/Tutor
Canon: Azumanga Daioh is a manga/anime about...well nothing. It follows the high school lives of a group of young girls and their teachers.
Yukari aka Yukari-Sensei, is the homeroom and English teacher of the main cast, Class 3. She is extremely blunt, selfish, and crude in her mannerisms. Her moods range from lazy and apathetic to extreme bouts of rage and competitive fits. For someone who's supposed to be the 'adult', she has no problem with resorting to childish pranks or temper tantrums to get what she wants, and her teasing can be viewed as cruel sometimes (once she pretended to toss her student over a cliff!). Yukari has a long-standing rivalry and friendship with the school's PE teacher, Nyamo, and frequently competes with her out of spite, for attention, or just for the hell of it. Yukari is well known for her reckless, trauma-inducing driving skills and loves a good bet...especially if she's benefitting from it.
Sample Post:
Hellooooo, brats of Camp Fuck You Die! Is that Engrish there? I think that's Engrish. Hope no one minds I parked the car on the bear skin rug! ....and well if you didn't have one before you have one now! No need to thank me, I'm just a super generous person like that. And by the way, I expect one of you to reimburse my gas money.
Now now, I bet some of you are wondering why I'm here in the first place! Of course it doesn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with Nyamo. I mean, it's not like I came here outta pure SPITE after she ditched me to go teach at Camp We Luv U Smile for the summer vacation, NO. I just happen to be kind enough to volunteer my services to help educate you silly slow kids over the summer break!
Of course, with every vacation there comes a challenge. That said...
WE MUST DEFEAT ZOMBIE CLASS B FROM ACROSS THE LAKE.
Oooh, yeah. I've been scopin' them out! They think they're soooo smart, just because they can say BRAINS in three different languages! Cerveaux, cerebros, cerevelii. Then they have the nerve to strut around munching on the things with an ACCENT. Bru-AINZ? Please. Well I've got news for them, buddy! Yukari-Sensei is the number one English teacher in these parts, and I ain't letting no cocky undead take that newly-established title that I deem prestigious away from me!
SO I HAVE A PROPOSITION! You all look like an intelligent bunch of eggheads! Though seriously, you with the forehead? How the hell did you get through your mother's womb? We'll challenge those wannabes to an Ultimate English Showdown of Ultimate English Destiny! If we win I'll take everyone out for Korean barbeque! And by Korean barbeque I mean you all get some s'mores! Everyone loves s'mores! Now how's that for motivation, eh? FAITO.
Now's time for lesson numero uno! REPEAT AFTER ME THREE TIMES FAST.
"I AM SOFA KING WE TODD ED"
...
Eh heh heh heh.
Poll Vote!
61 in, 7 out, 69 68 total. 88.4% 89.7% I'm awesome at math, what.