(no subject)
Aaaand have the rest of the counselors! There's only one more batch after this, so keep voting!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. GOOD ENOUGH, closed!
Character: HK-47
Series: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Series
Character Age: At least a few years old. Droid.
Job: Camp Peace Negotiator
Canon: Statement: HK-47 is designated Hunter Killer - a type of droid (basically, a robot) with assassination programming as his primary function, though it is disguised behind that of a protocol droid, one used primarily for translation and negotiation. However, he's not always particularly good at disguising this- mainly due to him not wanting to. His assassination programming has a pattern of getting his owners killed in the long run, either by overzealous or badly planned use of it on their part, but he cannot outright harm his own master. In the case of his master's death, HK-47 is programmed to immediately shut-down upon finding out, and as such has been transferred from owner to owner quite often.
Throughout the games, HK-47 compliments any act of cruelty while being disappointed in his master should they be uselessly generous or kind. He is genuinely programmed to be snide and insulting, and his love for deception is core to his very existence- he will take joy in setting people against each other for personal gain. However, he is also restricted by what his master allows; being a droid he cannot disobey a command directly even if he does not like it. He also has a very distinct speech trait in that he will often (but not always) precede what he is saying with the type of statement he is making, as well as addressing humanoids as 'meatbags'. All in the interest of being understood of course, he IS fluent in over 6,000 forms of communication, after all.
Sample Post:
Statement: I do not find this task satisfying by any means, Master. I did enjoy it initially as the splashing gore is quite impressive, but the skill involved in dispatching these foul meatbags is simply beneath me! Irritation: I do believe my joints will rust at the rate I am going! Not that I am going through them slowly, of course, there simply are so many of them. If I had a credit for every rotting meatbag, and I do use this term quite literally, I would be a very rich droid indeed-- of course, all of which would in turn belong to you, Master.
Convincing Argument: However Master, while I am normally excited at the prospect of unwarranted genocide, even I am wary of continuing in this endeavor. Taking lives simply loses meaning when the decomposing organics can steal it back from my cold metal hands! Clarification: That was a figure of speech, Master, this unit cannot literally steal life with a touch, I must use more conventional weaponry, though I am trained in multiple forms of unarmed combat should the need arise.
Warning: However, Master, if you were to continue down this course of action, it would be sub-optimal for your health! It would simply be a shame if I ran out of ammo, and in my haste to set explosives as my next course of action accidentally set off a chain reaction resulting in the destruction of the entire encampment! I do know that you care for these organics in your own way, but this would be a threat against your very life, and I do so want to avoid that.
Appeasement: No, Master, I don't know what you are talking about. I simply cannot plot against you, for it is against my programming! To make such an absurd statement is below your assessed intelligence level, Master. Query: Would you like me to run another test in order to have a properly updated mental profile?
Agreement: I'm glad you see it my way, Master, and I agree, you simply misheard me. A protocol droid such as myself programmed with over 6,000 languages with the outward purpose and definite capability for negotiation often makes such slips of the tongue, and no, that is not sarcasm you hear, it is simply my intense joy at serving you escaping my vocal limiters.
Shock: Do not make such a mistake Master! Have I displeased you? I beg you from the bottom of my processor core to not finalize that order! I cannot imagine a larger waste of my talent than to assign me to such menial duty! Admission: Even meaningless slaughter provides more entertainment than that! Answer: Yes, I did analyze the combat capabilities of the rotting sacks of pus to be inferior than even substandard meatbags, but this should not lead to me facilitating negotiations, even if their guttural moans fall within my capabilities as a translator!
Inward Shudder: Do you truly intend for me to seek... peace? To willfully seek a compromise between two groups innately opposed to each other? Glee: Oh! Master! I am heartened by your wit and cruelty! Indeed, I will practice "shotgun diplomacy" as you wish, though perhaps 'shotgun' is incorrect while wielding a Baragwin heavy repeating blaster, but if so I do not wish to be right!
Worst Case Scenario: If I am lucky, even these negotiations will fail and only add fuel to the fire of meatbag conflict. I do so anticipate retaliation and the chance to terminate hostilities.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nanba Io
Series: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e
Character Age: 35
Job: Manager of Camp's Bed and Breakfast
Canon: Once upon a time, a young girl moved halfway across the world to attend school with a high-jump star that she admires. There's only one small hitch in her plan: he goes to an all-boys school. So she chops her hair off and disguises herself as a suspiciously pretty boy. She's not very good at subtle, but somehow most of her classmates are awful at noticing her true gender. In fact, only a handful of people ever figure it out. Among these are Izumi Sano, the previously mentioned idol who just happens to wind up assigned as her roommate and quickly becomes her love interest, Umeda Hokuto, the school's very homosexual doctor, and about half of Umeda's family.
Nanba Io, part of said family, is cheerful, charismatic, and gorgeous. And secretly terrifying. It takes her only a matter of seconds to go from charm and smiles to kicking you in the face. She's not above using threats and physical violence against even her own family, but she truly is a caring person, really! She regularly helps Mizuki, from giving her womanly advice about things like love and family, to providing her with certain feminine needs that are difficult to acquire in an all-boys school. When she's not busy helping cross-dressing teenagers, Io is a successful fashion designer, inn manager, and a mother and sister. Her son may deny it, but to this day she still proudly carries around wallet-sized photos from his childhood when she would dress him in little girl's dresses.
Sample Post:
Sunshine, the warm summer breeze stirring branches growing fashionable lingerie, birds screaming obscenities... Not hardly how I intended to spend my overseas vacation. But then, this isn't much of a vacation, is it? "Welcome to Camp Fashion Underworld Divas, we are delighted to have you joining our staff as-" Excuse me? If this is a fashion camp, just why is it I'm not visiting as a fashion consultant! This glorious Io-sama's fashion sense is unmatched! And from the look of you, everyone here is in desperate need of a wardrobe makeover. I assume you think the rotting undead look is in? Even if you're trying to go with a theme, it isn't.
I suppose it's your loss. If the appearance of this place and everyone in it is beyond help, at least it can be provided with impeccable service. Leave it to me and I'll have your new bed and breakfast up and running in a matter of days. First, we'll need to do something about the menu. Unique daily specials are a good idea, but I'm not certain I want to know why the main camp menu is nothing but a censor bar on Tuesday's special.
Next would be staff... You apes can't just haul people out of bed at ungodly hours of the morning! Vacation spots such as this are about rest and relaxation. You're all fired. We'll be replacing you with a beautiful all-male staff dressed in this adorable line of summer wear! Yes, of course I expect them to wear skirts. I hand-picked these outfits myself! Do you have a problem with my selections? No, I didn't think you would!
Now, I need volunteers! I obviously can't have the camp's guests working for me, can I? Unfortunately, I suppose the rotting masses are all I have to work with. It's a good thing my clothes will make up for your lack of concern for personal hygiene. We'll work on that later, of course. There's only so much I can be expected to handle on my first day, after all! The one thing we will be discussing today, however, is how to keep your uniforms clean. Don't think I didn't see that, you there in the back! I don't care if you're keeping in line with your ridiculous underworld theme! If you even think of getting brains on my wonderful designs, you'll soon find my designer heels braining you!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Saiga
Series: Legal Drug
Age: 25-30
Job: Official Mender of Zombies (results may vary)
Canon: Ah, a teenager's first job. It's usually part-time at some small business, doing mundane things like taking inventory and sweeping the floors. Usually. Of course, the teenagers usually aren't Kazahaya and Rikuou, two boys with strange powers and mysterious pasts. And the boss usually doesn't have precognitive abilities and a really conspicuous boyfriend like Kakei does. It stands to reason that the 'side jobs' they are asked to do during their work at the Green Drugstore are similarly unusual and mystical in nature.
That really conspicuous boyfriend of Kakei's alluded to earlier? That's Saiga. An obscenely tall man, wearing a dark coat, Saiga is a tad daunting in appearance to start with. The facts that he drapes on his boyfriend and chokeholds the employees, falls asleep in random places throughout the store, and never takes his sunglasses off probably don't help the impression he makes. Never judge a book by its cover though; Saiga is actually a pretty nice guy. He may laugh too loudly at his own jokes, but his slightly rougher manner is much easier to deal with than his lover's well-mannered sadism. He also seems to have a soft spot for Kazahaya and Rikuou. His unexpected domestic side reveals itself, sewing them outfits for certain missions and using his information gathering skills to try and help them.
Sample Post:
Welcome to the first annual Camp Fix-Up Day! My name is Saiga and I'll be in charge of patching up all you rowdy kids. From the looks on your faces I can tell that I'm not what you expected. A man isn't supposed to be handy with a needle and thread, right? Well, life is full of surprises, so pick your jaws off the floor. After all, you wouldn't want me to have to fix that too, would you? Ahahaha! That's what I thought. Now form a line, and do it with some energy. Heh, you all look dead on your feet.
That's more like it, nice and orderly. Now then, let's see what I can do for my first customer. Speak up boy, what's the trouble? Come on, don't just moan at me. Never mind, I can see the trouble. That arm got popped right off, huh? Looks like someone got a little too hot under the collar and offended their girl. No need to groan and be ashamed, we're both guys, it's natural! So what's the little lady's name? Marcy, eh? She must have been quite a looker to have you acting like that.
She's a squid?! Hey now kid, that's no way to talk about a girl just because she rejected you. You have to treat women with respect, even if they don't return your affections. It's the right thing to do and it's part of becoming a man. Let your first love be a lesson to you: When you ask for someone's hand, they might try and take yours. Now, one more stitch and you'll be chasing skirts, good as new. No need to thank me for the advice, consider it part of the mending service. Now come here, ahaha!
No need to lose your head boy, it was just a little fatherly affection.
Poll Vote!
Character: Okita Souji
Series: Peace Maker Kurogane
Character Age: 24
Job: Official Camp Poetry Critic
Canon: Peace Maker Kurogane is about the continuing adventures of Ichimura Tetsunosuke, an impulsive young man who wishes to become stronger in order to avenge the death of his parents. Tetsunosuke decides that the best way to achieve is goal is to join the Shinsengumi, a police force in Kyoto that is on the side of shogunate during this period of upheaval. One of the important figures that Tetsunosuke meets during his time with the Shinsengumi is the captain of the first unit, Okita Souji.
Okita himself is not what Tetsunosuke expects at first. He's very girlish in appearance and almost always wears a cheerful and polite face. Okita often does his best to help cheer up the people he's very close to, even to the point of spreading private (and truly awful) poetry around. In fact, he seems almost childish at times, with his love of candy and games. Beyond the mask, however, is one of the strongest and fiercest fighters in the Shinsengumi. Okita becomes ruthless in battle, cutting down anyone who appears to be a threat. Despite this, Okita does his best to maintain his cheerful mask, in the face of his serious duties.
Sample Entry:
Oh, I'm afraid there's been some sort of misunderstanding, Zombie-san. You see, I'm not here to write poetry, but to explore the great works of art that you've managed to produce. It must have been difficult with those missing hands, but you've become so skilled at holding the brush in your toes! Ah, but you might want to do something about the oozing pus, you know. While it leaves an interesting stain pattern on the paper, it does blur your ink terribly. I think most people would have difficulty reading it, you know? While you and I understand your art, Zombie-san, you can't expect the general public to be so open to your stylistic choices~
But style is hardly everything; we can't forget about content! I see that you've . . . oh my, this is very graphic. If you plan to begin your poem by writing about the beauty of a summer day in the cornfields, you should probably keep to that topic. As it is, I really don't know what to think of this ending. In the middle, you suddenly start describing heads flying, blood spurting, and brains being eaten by murdering zombie hordes. It's such a change and with no warning at all. But don't worry, I know how to fix it ♥~! Maybe the zombies came upon some unsuspecting humans out to enjoy the day? Or the zombies could have chased their victims into the field, so that they could play with them before dinner! No, maybe the zombies set a trap and . . . did I say something funny?
Now it wasn't very nice of you to have all of your friends hiding in here, Zombie-san. I did think there was something strange about being asked to critique your poetry, but I was willing to try to believe that you had the best of intentions, instead of jumping to a different conclusion. Sadly, it seems like my faith was entirely misplaced. I don't even have enough brains for everyone to have more than a mouthful, either. But don't worry, I'll still spread your poem to interested campers, Zombie-san, after I finish in here with you and your friends ♥. I wouldn't want such a poetic masterpiece to be lost simply because of your poor judgment. Oh, and don't worry! It's true that art often becomes even more famous after the final death of its creator.
. . . hm, maybe I should have asked if 'brains' really has that many syllables in it before I killed them?
Poll Vote!
Character: April Roberta Ludgate
Series: Parks and Recreation
Character Age: 22
Job: Intern
Canon: The (fictional) Town of Pawnee, Indiana is fourth in obesity, first in friendship, and if you ask Leslie Knope, the best city in the world. It’s really not, not even close. Parks and Recreation is a mockumentary (much like the Office) centered around the city’s quirky Parks and Rec department and Leslie Knope, its deputy director. Unfortunately her coworkers don’t share her enthusiasm for their work or the city.
April Ludgate was the office intern and then promoted as Parks and Rec Director Ron Swanson’s assistant. April could give a c-r-a-p about local government. Actually she doesn’t give a crap about most things. April is the epitome of apathy. She speaks almost entirely in deadpan. Her comments are full of sarcasm and disdain with the occasional sigh and eyeroll. Basically, she has the makings for the worst personal assistant; in fact, Ron hired April because of her surly demeanor. April gets to scare people away (one of her hobbies), so Ron doesn’t have to deal with them. It works out amazingly well for the both of them.
She’s also half Puerto Rican, that’s why she’s so ‘lively and colorful’
Sample Post:
Apparently I’m supposed to write some kind of cover letter, but I can’t just get it from Google. I don’t really see the point why. I bet no one is going to read this. Aren’t cover letters all full of the same boring thing? No one else is going to apply for this dumb job anyway.
Hey, I’m April Ludgate. I guess I need to get a summer job or something. I want money and not actually because of any desire to do anything. And I figure interns do nothing and I’m really good at doing nothing. It’ll be like my old job. But with a free laptop and internet. It’s like whoever’s in charge knew the only thing interns do is check Facebook all day.
But I can’t think of reasons to write about why I’d want to be here. I hate camping. I hate the outdoors. This fresh air is too clean and it’s making me sick. [cough cough] Is there even have plumbing here? Plus counselors are lame. Aren’t counselors like, people who smile all the time? The only thing about being a counselor that might be fun is making kids swim in that dirty lake. Except most of people here look like meth addicts, not kids, and I don’t want have to touch them. For a place with a name like Camp Fuck You Die, this place manages to be more boring than Pawnee, which says a lot. But with a lot less fat people. Instead everyone looks anorexic. And gay. I guess if someone got those two guys to make out with each other, that might be kind of cool. Hey, I see other people get shotguns. Can I have a gun? At least this way I know I’m still in America.
This stupid cover letter is already making me think more than I like doing. So I’m just not going to do it. And you can hire me if you want. Or not, whatever. This is a job a monkey can do, and looks like there’s a lot of those here. I don’t even want to know, and I don’t care. But I’m going to keep this laptop and use it to upload videos of me on Youtube because my hair looks really nice.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. GOOD ENOUGH, closed!
Character: HK-47
Series: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Series
Character Age: At least a few years old. Droid.
Job: Camp Peace Negotiator
Canon: Statement: HK-47 is designated Hunter Killer - a type of droid (basically, a robot) with assassination programming as his primary function, though it is disguised behind that of a protocol droid, one used primarily for translation and negotiation. However, he's not always particularly good at disguising this- mainly due to him not wanting to. His assassination programming has a pattern of getting his owners killed in the long run, either by overzealous or badly planned use of it on their part, but he cannot outright harm his own master. In the case of his master's death, HK-47 is programmed to immediately shut-down upon finding out, and as such has been transferred from owner to owner quite often.
Throughout the games, HK-47 compliments any act of cruelty while being disappointed in his master should they be uselessly generous or kind. He is genuinely programmed to be snide and insulting, and his love for deception is core to his very existence- he will take joy in setting people against each other for personal gain. However, he is also restricted by what his master allows; being a droid he cannot disobey a command directly even if he does not like it. He also has a very distinct speech trait in that he will often (but not always) precede what he is saying with the type of statement he is making, as well as addressing humanoids as 'meatbags'. All in the interest of being understood of course, he IS fluent in over 6,000 forms of communication, after all.
Sample Post:
Statement: I do not find this task satisfying by any means, Master. I did enjoy it initially as the splashing gore is quite impressive, but the skill involved in dispatching these foul meatbags is simply beneath me! Irritation: I do believe my joints will rust at the rate I am going! Not that I am going through them slowly, of course, there simply are so many of them. If I had a credit for every rotting meatbag, and I do use this term quite literally, I would be a very rich droid indeed-- of course, all of which would in turn belong to you, Master.
Convincing Argument: However Master, while I am normally excited at the prospect of unwarranted genocide, even I am wary of continuing in this endeavor. Taking lives simply loses meaning when the decomposing organics can steal it back from my cold metal hands! Clarification: That was a figure of speech, Master, this unit cannot literally steal life with a touch, I must use more conventional weaponry, though I am trained in multiple forms of unarmed combat should the need arise.
Warning: However, Master, if you were to continue down this course of action, it would be sub-optimal for your health! It would simply be a shame if I ran out of ammo, and in my haste to set explosives as my next course of action accidentally set off a chain reaction resulting in the destruction of the entire encampment! I do know that you care for these organics in your own way, but this would be a threat against your very life, and I do so want to avoid that.
Appeasement: No, Master, I don't know what you are talking about. I simply cannot plot against you, for it is against my programming! To make such an absurd statement is below your assessed intelligence level, Master. Query: Would you like me to run another test in order to have a properly updated mental profile?
Agreement: I'm glad you see it my way, Master, and I agree, you simply misheard me. A protocol droid such as myself programmed with over 6,000 languages with the outward purpose and definite capability for negotiation often makes such slips of the tongue, and no, that is not sarcasm you hear, it is simply my intense joy at serving you escaping my vocal limiters.
Shock: Do not make such a mistake Master! Have I displeased you? I beg you from the bottom of my processor core to not finalize that order! I cannot imagine a larger waste of my talent than to assign me to such menial duty! Admission: Even meaningless slaughter provides more entertainment than that! Answer: Yes, I did analyze the combat capabilities of the rotting sacks of pus to be inferior than even substandard meatbags, but this should not lead to me facilitating negotiations, even if their guttural moans fall within my capabilities as a translator!
Inward Shudder: Do you truly intend for me to seek... peace? To willfully seek a compromise between two groups innately opposed to each other? Glee: Oh! Master! I am heartened by your wit and cruelty! Indeed, I will practice "shotgun diplomacy" as you wish, though perhaps 'shotgun' is incorrect while wielding a Baragwin heavy repeating blaster, but if so I do not wish to be right!
Worst Case Scenario: If I am lucky, even these negotiations will fail and only add fuel to the fire of meatbag conflict. I do so anticipate retaliation and the chance to terminate hostilities.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nanba Io
Series: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e
Character Age: 35
Job: Manager of Camp's Bed and Breakfast
Canon: Once upon a time, a young girl moved halfway across the world to attend school with a high-jump star that she admires. There's only one small hitch in her plan: he goes to an all-boys school. So she chops her hair off and disguises herself as a suspiciously pretty boy. She's not very good at subtle, but somehow most of her classmates are awful at noticing her true gender. In fact, only a handful of people ever figure it out. Among these are Izumi Sano, the previously mentioned idol who just happens to wind up assigned as her roommate and quickly becomes her love interest, Umeda Hokuto, the school's very homosexual doctor, and about half of Umeda's family.
Nanba Io, part of said family, is cheerful, charismatic, and gorgeous. And secretly terrifying. It takes her only a matter of seconds to go from charm and smiles to kicking you in the face. She's not above using threats and physical violence against even her own family, but she truly is a caring person, really! She regularly helps Mizuki, from giving her womanly advice about things like love and family, to providing her with certain feminine needs that are difficult to acquire in an all-boys school. When she's not busy helping cross-dressing teenagers, Io is a successful fashion designer, inn manager, and a mother and sister. Her son may deny it, but to this day she still proudly carries around wallet-sized photos from his childhood when she would dress him in little girl's dresses.
Sample Post:
Sunshine, the warm summer breeze stirring branches growing fashionable lingerie, birds screaming obscenities... Not hardly how I intended to spend my overseas vacation. But then, this isn't much of a vacation, is it? "Welcome to Camp Fashion Underworld Divas, we are delighted to have you joining our staff as-" Excuse me? If this is a fashion camp, just why is it I'm not visiting as a fashion consultant! This glorious Io-sama's fashion sense is unmatched! And from the look of you, everyone here is in desperate need of a wardrobe makeover. I assume you think the rotting undead look is in? Even if you're trying to go with a theme, it isn't.
I suppose it's your loss. If the appearance of this place and everyone in it is beyond help, at least it can be provided with impeccable service. Leave it to me and I'll have your new bed and breakfast up and running in a matter of days. First, we'll need to do something about the menu. Unique daily specials are a good idea, but I'm not certain I want to know why the main camp menu is nothing but a censor bar on Tuesday's special.
Next would be staff... You apes can't just haul people out of bed at ungodly hours of the morning! Vacation spots such as this are about rest and relaxation. You're all fired. We'll be replacing you with a beautiful all-male staff dressed in this adorable line of summer wear! Yes, of course I expect them to wear skirts. I hand-picked these outfits myself! Do you have a problem with my selections? No, I didn't think you would!
Now, I need volunteers! I obviously can't have the camp's guests working for me, can I? Unfortunately, I suppose the rotting masses are all I have to work with. It's a good thing my clothes will make up for your lack of concern for personal hygiene. We'll work on that later, of course. There's only so much I can be expected to handle on my first day, after all! The one thing we will be discussing today, however, is how to keep your uniforms clean. Don't think I didn't see that, you there in the back! I don't care if you're keeping in line with your ridiculous underworld theme! If you even think of getting brains on my wonderful designs, you'll soon find my designer heels braining you!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Saiga
Series: Legal Drug
Age: 25-30
Job: Official Mender of Zombies (results may vary)
Canon: Ah, a teenager's first job. It's usually part-time at some small business, doing mundane things like taking inventory and sweeping the floors. Usually. Of course, the teenagers usually aren't Kazahaya and Rikuou, two boys with strange powers and mysterious pasts. And the boss usually doesn't have precognitive abilities and a really conspicuous boyfriend like Kakei does. It stands to reason that the 'side jobs' they are asked to do during their work at the Green Drugstore are similarly unusual and mystical in nature.
That really conspicuous boyfriend of Kakei's alluded to earlier? That's Saiga. An obscenely tall man, wearing a dark coat, Saiga is a tad daunting in appearance to start with. The facts that he drapes on his boyfriend and chokeholds the employees, falls asleep in random places throughout the store, and never takes his sunglasses off probably don't help the impression he makes. Never judge a book by its cover though; Saiga is actually a pretty nice guy. He may laugh too loudly at his own jokes, but his slightly rougher manner is much easier to deal with than his lover's well-mannered sadism. He also seems to have a soft spot for Kazahaya and Rikuou. His unexpected domestic side reveals itself, sewing them outfits for certain missions and using his information gathering skills to try and help them.
Sample Post:
Welcome to the first annual Camp Fix-Up Day! My name is Saiga and I'll be in charge of patching up all you rowdy kids. From the looks on your faces I can tell that I'm not what you expected. A man isn't supposed to be handy with a needle and thread, right? Well, life is full of surprises, so pick your jaws off the floor. After all, you wouldn't want me to have to fix that too, would you? Ahahaha! That's what I thought. Now form a line, and do it with some energy. Heh, you all look dead on your feet.
That's more like it, nice and orderly. Now then, let's see what I can do for my first customer. Speak up boy, what's the trouble? Come on, don't just moan at me. Never mind, I can see the trouble. That arm got popped right off, huh? Looks like someone got a little too hot under the collar and offended their girl. No need to groan and be ashamed, we're both guys, it's natural! So what's the little lady's name? Marcy, eh? She must have been quite a looker to have you acting like that.
She's a squid?! Hey now kid, that's no way to talk about a girl just because she rejected you. You have to treat women with respect, even if they don't return your affections. It's the right thing to do and it's part of becoming a man. Let your first love be a lesson to you: When you ask for someone's hand, they might try and take yours. Now, one more stitch and you'll be chasing skirts, good as new. No need to thank me for the advice, consider it part of the mending service. Now come here, ahaha!
No need to lose your head boy, it was just a little fatherly affection.
Poll Vote!
Character: Okita Souji
Series: Peace Maker Kurogane
Character Age: 24
Job: Official Camp Poetry Critic
Canon: Peace Maker Kurogane is about the continuing adventures of Ichimura Tetsunosuke, an impulsive young man who wishes to become stronger in order to avenge the death of his parents. Tetsunosuke decides that the best way to achieve is goal is to join the Shinsengumi, a police force in Kyoto that is on the side of shogunate during this period of upheaval. One of the important figures that Tetsunosuke meets during his time with the Shinsengumi is the captain of the first unit, Okita Souji.
Okita himself is not what Tetsunosuke expects at first. He's very girlish in appearance and almost always wears a cheerful and polite face. Okita often does his best to help cheer up the people he's very close to, even to the point of spreading private (and truly awful) poetry around. In fact, he seems almost childish at times, with his love of candy and games. Beyond the mask, however, is one of the strongest and fiercest fighters in the Shinsengumi. Okita becomes ruthless in battle, cutting down anyone who appears to be a threat. Despite this, Okita does his best to maintain his cheerful mask, in the face of his serious duties.
Sample Entry:
Oh, I'm afraid there's been some sort of misunderstanding, Zombie-san. You see, I'm not here to write poetry, but to explore the great works of art that you've managed to produce. It must have been difficult with those missing hands, but you've become so skilled at holding the brush in your toes! Ah, but you might want to do something about the oozing pus, you know. While it leaves an interesting stain pattern on the paper, it does blur your ink terribly. I think most people would have difficulty reading it, you know? While you and I understand your art, Zombie-san, you can't expect the general public to be so open to your stylistic choices~
But style is hardly everything; we can't forget about content! I see that you've . . . oh my, this is very graphic. If you plan to begin your poem by writing about the beauty of a summer day in the cornfields, you should probably keep to that topic. As it is, I really don't know what to think of this ending. In the middle, you suddenly start describing heads flying, blood spurting, and brains being eaten by murdering zombie hordes. It's such a change and with no warning at all. But don't worry, I know how to fix it ♥~! Maybe the zombies came upon some unsuspecting humans out to enjoy the day? Or the zombies could have chased their victims into the field, so that they could play with them before dinner! No, maybe the zombies set a trap and . . . did I say something funny?
Now it wasn't very nice of you to have all of your friends hiding in here, Zombie-san. I did think there was something strange about being asked to critique your poetry, but I was willing to try to believe that you had the best of intentions, instead of jumping to a different conclusion. Sadly, it seems like my faith was entirely misplaced. I don't even have enough brains for everyone to have more than a mouthful, either. But don't worry, I'll still spread your poem to interested campers, Zombie-san, after I finish in here with you and your friends ♥. I wouldn't want such a poetic masterpiece to be lost simply because of your poor judgment. Oh, and don't worry! It's true that art often becomes even more famous after the final death of its creator.
. . . hm, maybe I should have asked if 'brains' really has that many syllables in it before I killed them?
Poll Vote!
Character: April Roberta Ludgate
Series: Parks and Recreation
Character Age: 22
Job: Intern
Canon: The (fictional) Town of Pawnee, Indiana is fourth in obesity, first in friendship, and if you ask Leslie Knope, the best city in the world. It’s really not, not even close. Parks and Recreation is a mockumentary (much like the Office) centered around the city’s quirky Parks and Rec department and Leslie Knope, its deputy director. Unfortunately her coworkers don’t share her enthusiasm for their work or the city.
April Ludgate was the office intern and then promoted as Parks and Rec Director Ron Swanson’s assistant. April could give a c-r-a-p about local government. Actually she doesn’t give a crap about most things. April is the epitome of apathy. She speaks almost entirely in deadpan. Her comments are full of sarcasm and disdain with the occasional sigh and eyeroll. Basically, she has the makings for the worst personal assistant; in fact, Ron hired April because of her surly demeanor. April gets to scare people away (one of her hobbies), so Ron doesn’t have to deal with them. It works out amazingly well for the both of them.
She’s also half Puerto Rican, that’s why she’s so ‘lively and colorful’
Sample Post:
Apparently I’m supposed to write some kind of cover letter, but I can’t just get it from Google. I don’t really see the point why. I bet no one is going to read this. Aren’t cover letters all full of the same boring thing? No one else is going to apply for this dumb job anyway.
Hey, I’m April Ludgate. I guess I need to get a summer job or something. I want money and not actually because of any desire to do anything. And I figure interns do nothing and I’m really good at doing nothing. It’ll be like my old job. But with a free laptop and internet. It’s like whoever’s in charge knew the only thing interns do is check Facebook all day.
But I can’t think of reasons to write about why I’d want to be here. I hate camping. I hate the outdoors. This fresh air is too clean and it’s making me sick. [cough cough] Is there even have plumbing here? Plus counselors are lame. Aren’t counselors like, people who smile all the time? The only thing about being a counselor that might be fun is making kids swim in that dirty lake. Except most of people here look like meth addicts, not kids, and I don’t want have to touch them. For a place with a name like Camp Fuck You Die, this place manages to be more boring than Pawnee, which says a lot. But with a lot less fat people. Instead everyone looks anorexic. And gay. I guess if someone got those two guys to make out with each other, that might be kind of cool. Hey, I see other people get shotguns. Can I have a gun? At least this way I know I’m still in America.
This stupid cover letter is already making me think more than I like doing. So I’m just not going to do it. And you can hire me if you want. Or not, whatever. This is a job a monkey can do, and looks like there’s a lot of those here. I don’t even want to know, and I don’t care. But I’m going to keep this laptop and use it to upload videos of me on Youtube because my hair looks really nice.
Poll Vote!