(no subject)
Next up, it's more campers! Boatmom's batch is still open, so please remember to vote on that too if you haven't already. ♥
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Sophie-Anne Leclerq
Series: True Blood
Character Age: 500+, although she appears to be in her late teens.
Canon: Two years after vampires “come out of the coffin” and reveal themselves to the world, the world still hasn’t quite figured out how to handle it. Sookie Stackhouse, a telepathic waitress living in small town Bon Temps, Louisiana, isn’t sure either - especially after vampire Bill Compton comes into her life and she discovers that he’s the only one whose thoughts she can’t read. As Sookie and Bill’s relationship deepens, Sookie finds herself involved in a supernatural underground she’d had no idea even existed, including the complicated relationships between members of the vampire hierarchy.
Sophie-Anne is the vampire queen of Louisiana, a role that has allowed her to do pretty much nothing but play board games, drink blood and have sex with whomever she wants for hundreds of years. Sophie-Anne is spoiled, self-important and has a tendency to ramble on about whichever topics suit her fancy. She’s obsessed with all of the luxuries being a queen provides her, including a day room (which is pretty much what it sounds like - a room that simulates daylight), a court full of vampire guards, and a posse of human blood donors/lovers. Sophie-Anne is demanding and sometimes threatening, but for the most part not overtly cruel - she treats her human lovers with care and decency and hasn't forgotten her own human origins. She speaks regally most of the time; however, she’s capable of using slang and speaking in a more modern, often crude way when she feels it’s necessary or it strikes her fancy.
Sample Post:
Ah, summer camp! How delightful. Now I know I really am in hell. And the place has such an ironic name, too! Just imagine my horror and grief upon discovering that at Camp Fuck You Die, there is absolutely no fucking allowed. None. Ugh, being here is like having ten thousand silver spoons when all I need is a knife.
Well, there's no fucking here on the farm, but there are plenty of dead people. Of course, they're not exactly the kind I like spending my time with, but they'll serve their purpose. After all, if this is to be my new queendom, I'll need a temporary court until I can find more suitable members, and this place is nothing if not full of the supernatural. Marcy, you'll begin construction on my new day room. I expect all eight of your appendages to be doing their very best job, because when the room is done, we're all going to play Yahtzee! Fester and Lurch, you'll be in charge of setting up the pool and making sure I have lots of pillows and a good chaise lounge that won't stain easily. The rest of the zombies shall be my guard. I’ll tolerate absolutely no backtalk. Remember, your brain stems are hanging on by a thread, and although I haven’t checked, that was probably a literal statement.
You know, I've never understood why it is that zombies are so popular. There's just no excitement when it comes to a zombie! No mystery, no pizzazz! You shuffle around and rot and beg for brains, and honestly, where's the fun in that? I mean, you can have some really good sex with a vampire, but what are you zombies good for, exactly? Certainly not that. Not unless you run into a lot of people who are into some really freaky shit, anyway. And you're so damn stupid on top of being practically useless. All the idiocy of a baby vampire and none of the potential! It's tragic, really. It's so strange that the two of us both started out as human beings, and yet you've become nothing but a bunch of slowly decaying hobos, while I... well, until a few hours ago, my nights were spent listening to classical music, playing board games and having lots and lots of sex. It's all so random. And sort of sad.
I’m sorry, everyone. Listen to me ramble on about the undead as if you guys can actually comprehend what I'm saying! Judging by the glazed look in your eyes - those of you who still have eyes - I’m obviously confusing the hell out of you, so I’ll just lay it out in the simplest way possible: your life sucks. Trust me; I’m a vampire. I know.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Fukurou, or Kuro for short.
Series: Frogs
Age: Somewhere in his teens (in frog years).
Canon: So, there were these two teenagers, right? After great deliberation, they decided to go screw around at the shrine of the Frog Gods. As it turned out, their fun-filled afternoon of stepping on frogs (accidentally!) and knocking the god statue around managed to pretty thoroughly piss off said Frog God. In a move that totally made complete sense, they were turned into frogs themselves. They were having a great time with that, and even considered staying as frogs for a while. You know, up until the part where the frog village elders decided the teens had to die, as penance for the misdeeds of all human children (you know, like using delicious frog booty as a hangout spot for firecrackers and all that fun stuff). Luckily, a couple of the younger frogs took a liking to them and helped them in a rather unspectacular escape from frog jail. After that, they all went on a magical and friendship-building adventure to turn the kids back into humans.
One of those ever-so-helpful frogs is Fukurou. At first, he didn't really mean to help, it just sort of happened. See, Kuro always listens to the elders, ignoring what he wants to do for what he's been told to do. He wants to be his own person, but he’s not so great at actually making decisions or getting past the concept of doing things his own way versus the way he's expected to. Despite being somewhat of a stick in the mud and acting like he knows best, he's actually rather naive and gullible about a lot of things. He can be easily surprised, but he tries to cover it up quickly with an air of maturity he doesn't really have. He can also get pretty carried away and ramble like a pro. Oh, and he just so happens to be the friendly, neighborhood tsundere. He'll spend way too much time trying to convince you that he hates something, all the while loving it exuberantly off by himself. Some frogs just don't know how to have fun, man.
Sample Entry:
This part of the forest must be a lot more dangerous than I remember. You try to ask someone directions and they try to eat you. I'll have to make sure not to come out this way again. Even if the plants are smaller, everyone is so unfriendly and... Now that just seems irresponsible. Who would hang all their underwear in a tree? It's unsanitary, to begin with. Anyone could come by to--Oh!
Excuse me! The funny looking bird up there! Could you help me for a minute? I seem to have gotten lost and I was wondering... Ah! You're talking, but you aren't actually talking! Can all birds do that? It's really rude to suddenly start talking in someone's brain, you know. You should really give some warning before you do that. Anyway, you seem really small for a bird. You must be a baby, right? You should be at home, it's dangerous for children to be out without their parents! Don't try to tell me you aren't a baby, I'm bigger than you, and I'm only a frog! We're really small! I don't know what kind of frogs you've been around, but it's just common sense that if you're an adult bird you should be bigger. Huh? No, I'm not a human. I don't even look like one. See, I'm all slimy and my legs are made for jumping and I can croak. I always look like this, there must be something wrong with your eyes.
Anyway, your inability to know what frogs look like isn’t what’s important right now. I still need to ask you if you know how to get back to my village. It's in the forest and there's a shrine nearby. Don't tell me there's not a place like that around here, I can't have gotten that far away! Hold on, hold on. That doesn't make any sense. You’re saying that I’m trapped in some strange, eternal summer program for human children without a way to actually ever get home? That’s horrible. It's one thing to say-- think, whatever it is that you do--that I'm a human, especially when it’s not true, but it's something completely different to say that I'm supposed to live like one forever.
Okay, okay. I've had enough of this. Can you just tell me where I could find an adult around here? No, you don't count. I mean an adult frog. Of course they'll know what to do, if they're counselors, they can counsel me on how to get home without dealing with the likes of you anymore. You mean to say that there’s not any real leadership in the counselors and that’s all some crazy attempt to make people feel a false sense of security? That’s terrible. Ah! How can the adults here be so incompetent? Well, this has gotten me nowhere. Thank you for giving me that information, but I'd appreciate it if you could just tell me how to get to the camp now. I'll see for myself if everyone there is as useless as you say they are.
Poll Vote!
Character: The Witch (Wanda Maximoff)
Series: Exiles (Yet Another Marvel Comic Alternate Universe Thing)
Character Age: Mid to late teens!
Canon: Once upon a time superheroes were nabbed from different dimensions and set up 'The Exiles' who are essentially the interdimensional hall monitor squad. Pulled out of their home realities at the moment before death, the heroes use a device called the Tallus to travel to different realities and set them back on track so that life doesn't go to Hell and the different multiverses don't collide in an undignified super apocalypse. The Tallus doesn't just teleport, it also provides mission information.
The Witch is an alternate reality Scarlet Witch. She was just about to die (meddling with forbidden bring-my-brother-back-to-life magic) when she joined the latest incarnation of the Exiles. Less haughty than most of her alternate selves, Wanda is hardworking, a bit headstrong and ironically prudish (despite the lack of real pants in her outfit). Wanda is a little self-conscious, so is quick to critize her alternate selves as selfish, needing to eat less and needing to dress more modestly. This isn't to say that she's shy but rather she's (mostly) calm, ready to lend a hand and occasionally needs a shoulder to lean on.
Note: In the last issue of the Exiles, Wanda was killed by Emma Frost.
Sample Post:
I really didn't think the whole "right before you die" thing was supposed to happen twice. I've been there, done that, got the weird reality hopping bracelet that tells us how we're supposed to fix the world this time. Speaking of us -- . . . guys? . . . anyone? I am really hoping this isn't a world populated with zombies. It would be worse than Wolverine's head on a pike, it would be Wolverine's head on a pike trying to eat me. That's just terrible. And what would I end up wearing? Nothing would look good with skin like that, sorry. If it's anything like the other mes in other places I'm not sure I want to see that much rotting flesh. I'll clarify -- that much rotting flesh on anyone, you . . . oh it really is a world of zombies.
This is the worst mission ever, Tallus. I swear if I ever figure out how you work we're going to have a talk. A talk that may involve some de-accessorizing on my part.
Okay. I can do this on my own. Just keep calm and fix reality. On my own far away from you creepy half-dead zombie things. I really hope you're not someone I am supposed to know. Let's see the Tallus says . . . "Varnish Error 503 Service Unavailable." Wow, that was even worse than the "destroy machines" message. Is this giving me messages in code now? Or is this some kind of weird alternate reality roaming charge? Maybe it's symbolic. . . I really wish someone that I knew was here, even if it was a weird alternate version of them. As long as their face was intact and most of their brain -- I would even take half, now. It would be really reassuring.
Maybe I should just walk up to someone and introduce myself. We've never really done well on stealth missions anyway and without any information on this world besides varnish error, varnish error what! I'm kind of sunk. Deep breath, shoulders back . . . Ahem. Excuse me? Ugh, how rude, don't just ignore me . . . Excuse me! I was looking for . . . oh. You're a goat. And there is something very wrong with your face. I'm sorry, I think I'll ask someone else.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zhong Hui, styled Shiji
Series: Dynasty Warriors 7
Character Age: 19ish, maybe?
Canon: Dynasty Warriors is Koei’s dramatic, over-exaggerated and glorified retelling of “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” and follows the beginning and end of the kingdoms of Wei - ruled by Cao Cao, Wu - ruled by the Sun family and Shu - ruled by Liu Bei. We learn of their hardships, drama, bloodshed and betrayals as they fight to unite China under their own rule. In the seventh installment of this game, we are introduced with the Kingdom and new and exciting officers of Jin, dominated by the Sima family.
Among these new officers is the forever self-important, arrogant yet precocious Zhong Hui, a studied calligrapher, literature enthusiast and tactician. He comes in the picture when most of the good Three Kingdoms stuff was over, but soon enough to help Sima Zhao - his commanding officer - see the end of the Shu Kingdom. Zhong Hui comes off as extremely self-centered in an obnoxious way that makes you want to smack him across the face rather than show him the respect he wants. Being one of the younger officers of Jin, he looks down upon the oldies like Deng Ai, a veteran officer and cartographer, and makes sure he’s always ahead of him… and everyone else, really. Eventually, his egotism will lead him to turn down loyalty and (attempt to) take for China for himself. (By the way, he will fail miserably.)
Sample Post:
This is what we’ve earned for defeating Shu? Hmph! I can hardly consider such bland terrains by the mediocre name of “Camp Fuck U Die” a spoil of war. For one, it’s not even grammatically correct! They can take this land back for all I care. But I will have to say that, unsurprisingly, their land is just as flat as their officers. Did they truly expect to win against us? You know, this would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic!
There is one thing that bothers me, though. Well, many things, actually. I was told about the Director and her situation, but… what… what's the meaning of the sorcery here? I understand that the people of Shu like to follow the words of the dead, but I hadn't thought they'd actually try to bring back the dead! Hah! I bet their predecessors are rolling in their graves right now! H-hey, stop rolling! I wasn’t talking about you! Ugh, this is making me sick! Not only does this place stink of walking corpses, but idiocy as well. I can’t possibly picture myself hanging around here any longer than needed, so I alone will end this case once and for all! First, where is the Director? It would be much easier if I can find someone who actually knows the area because it seems as though my map is inaccurate.
Oh, you? Are you the so-called Director? No? Then I have no business with you. Yes, I know, I was already briefed about her fiancé, and I will not tolerate your assuming that I won’t be able to find the culprit on my own. Of course I will! This will only be one of my many accomplishments by the week’s end, after all. Truthfully I don’t care about either her dead fiancé or the one responsible for his death, but I have been ordered to treat the people here with the respect you all don’t deserve, so I suppose my assistance will be vital to your search. Don’t worry; it’ll be over soon enough.
So listen closely, everyone, as I only have time to say this once: My name is Zhong Hui - excuse me, that’s Lord Zhong Hui to you, thank you. I’m not here to be dragged down by the likes of anyone here at “Camp Fuck U Die”, but I’m here on a mission. If it’s the murderer I must find in order to complete my mission, then so be it. All I suggest simply for all of you to stay out of my way; it would be, after all, unwise to stay here unnecessarily longer than you already have. With myself now leading this search, I will have the culprit’s head in no time! ―No, you filthy zombie, I don’t want your disgusting head!
Poll Vote!
Character: Suzu Yamatoya (formerly Suzu Kitamura)
Series: Peace Maker Kurogane
Character Age: Appears to be in his late teens
Canon: Fifteen-year-old Ichimura Tetsunosuke is a teen on a mission: kill the guy who killed his family. Despite having pretty much no combat experience or ideas on how to find that man, he decides to join the Shinsengumi in order to rectify both these things. The only trouble is he doesn’t completely understand what being in the Shinsengumi means and that it isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. After all, he ends up befriending a boy, Suzu, whose master is in direct opposition to the Shinsengumi without realizing it. And when Tetsunosuke has a hand in killing said master, he finds he’s in for a bit of... ah, trouble by Suzu’s hands.
Once a tsuntsun teenage boy, the death of his master caused Suzu to snap, to put it lightly. Outwardly, Suzu appears as the genial young head of the Yamatoya business. He’s fairly polite, he’s humble, he’s oh-so-sweet, and he always, always, all smiles. Only, as nice as he may seem, there’s often a bit of an edge to his words, a few crude comments here and there, a few brutally honest things mentioned when he knows no one important is listening. But his sickly sweet exterior is really just meant to hide the utterly twisted individual inside: Suzu has no attachments to anything; he’s a free man--which makes him able to hurt others without a single second thought. His logic is morbid and selfish, and he doesn’t care for politesse or hurting your ~feelings~. All of you can just rot and die for all he cares, since his main purpose in life is to take completely and utter revenge on Tetsunosuke for his master’s death, and maybe screw over those Shinsengumi dogs along the way.
Sample Post:
My, I never thought my expertise would be required so deep into the country. Though, I’m afraid that I might be misleading you all if I said that; after all, I have no experience in this matter. Still, the Director is a faithful client of ours, so I can’t help but comply. You’ll have to forgive me for being a novice--after all, I’ve never taught a class on learning how to move on from traumatic events. One would think that the actual counselors of this establishment would carry out such a task, but perhaps I shouldn’t judge how often she wishes to have her employees work, or if she rather bring in busy novices to do their work for them. Oh, but I’m rambling, aren’t I? And all of you are so eager to learn. I’ll do my best, just for all of you.
Now, let’s see . . . If you’re moving on from an event, that implies that something awfully tragic had to happen to make doing so difficult. I suppose the most common reaction would be to get revenge on the source of the tragedy, isn’t it? Please, don’t look anymore grim than you already do; I don’t mean anything so gruesome as the word “revenge” implies. After all, plenty of people believe in karma. Is revenge not the same concept, just carried out by human hands? And it really shouldn’t be something so undignified as murder or as petty as theft. Don’t hesitate to think they deserve maybe ten thousandfold what they did to you, if you’re feeling generous. It really does work--after all, their suffering will be just enough to compensate for your own. And knowing they’ll never really be able to recover from that will be the sweetest honey.
Ah, but I digress.
That is certainly one method to move past your troubles; after all, you’ll never regret not having done anything about the one who inflicted your pain. You may be lifeless by nature, but you really ought to stop being so passive. But if you haven’t enough guts to face your tormentor but just enough not to suffer quietly, I suppose there’s also the choice to drown. --Oh, my apologies; I had to clear my throat. I did mean “drown yourself in booze,” as plenty of men do. You can gamble away your savings, sell yourself, engage in pointless, suicidal duels . . . You can provoke those around you, you can buy lives and just as quickly extinguish them . . . You can do quite a bit to distract yourself, even on a farm like this. Challenge a gorilla if you’re so sick of the monotony of a broken heart, or give yourself up to Marcy if you can’t stop going over a friend’s betrayal in your head. If anything, I can tell you there are a number of ways--a great, great number of ways--for a man to forget about his worries.
But I will say this: of both the methods I’ve suggested today, one hurts yourself, and one hurts others. Do choose wisely.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Sophie-Anne Leclerq
Series: True Blood
Character Age: 500+, although she appears to be in her late teens.
Canon: Two years after vampires “come out of the coffin” and reveal themselves to the world, the world still hasn’t quite figured out how to handle it. Sookie Stackhouse, a telepathic waitress living in small town Bon Temps, Louisiana, isn’t sure either - especially after vampire Bill Compton comes into her life and she discovers that he’s the only one whose thoughts she can’t read. As Sookie and Bill’s relationship deepens, Sookie finds herself involved in a supernatural underground she’d had no idea even existed, including the complicated relationships between members of the vampire hierarchy.
Sophie-Anne is the vampire queen of Louisiana, a role that has allowed her to do pretty much nothing but play board games, drink blood and have sex with whomever she wants for hundreds of years. Sophie-Anne is spoiled, self-important and has a tendency to ramble on about whichever topics suit her fancy. She’s obsessed with all of the luxuries being a queen provides her, including a day room (which is pretty much what it sounds like - a room that simulates daylight), a court full of vampire guards, and a posse of human blood donors/lovers. Sophie-Anne is demanding and sometimes threatening, but for the most part not overtly cruel - she treats her human lovers with care and decency and hasn't forgotten her own human origins. She speaks regally most of the time; however, she’s capable of using slang and speaking in a more modern, often crude way when she feels it’s necessary or it strikes her fancy.
Sample Post:
Ah, summer camp! How delightful. Now I know I really am in hell. And the place has such an ironic name, too! Just imagine my horror and grief upon discovering that at Camp Fuck You Die, there is absolutely no fucking allowed. None. Ugh, being here is like having ten thousand silver spoons when all I need is a knife.
Well, there's no fucking here on the farm, but there are plenty of dead people. Of course, they're not exactly the kind I like spending my time with, but they'll serve their purpose. After all, if this is to be my new queendom, I'll need a temporary court until I can find more suitable members, and this place is nothing if not full of the supernatural. Marcy, you'll begin construction on my new day room. I expect all eight of your appendages to be doing their very best job, because when the room is done, we're all going to play Yahtzee! Fester and Lurch, you'll be in charge of setting up the pool and making sure I have lots of pillows and a good chaise lounge that won't stain easily. The rest of the zombies shall be my guard. I’ll tolerate absolutely no backtalk. Remember, your brain stems are hanging on by a thread, and although I haven’t checked, that was probably a literal statement.
You know, I've never understood why it is that zombies are so popular. There's just no excitement when it comes to a zombie! No mystery, no pizzazz! You shuffle around and rot and beg for brains, and honestly, where's the fun in that? I mean, you can have some really good sex with a vampire, but what are you zombies good for, exactly? Certainly not that. Not unless you run into a lot of people who are into some really freaky shit, anyway. And you're so damn stupid on top of being practically useless. All the idiocy of a baby vampire and none of the potential! It's tragic, really. It's so strange that the two of us both started out as human beings, and yet you've become nothing but a bunch of slowly decaying hobos, while I... well, until a few hours ago, my nights were spent listening to classical music, playing board games and having lots and lots of sex. It's all so random. And sort of sad.
I’m sorry, everyone. Listen to me ramble on about the undead as if you guys can actually comprehend what I'm saying! Judging by the glazed look in your eyes - those of you who still have eyes - I’m obviously confusing the hell out of you, so I’ll just lay it out in the simplest way possible: your life sucks. Trust me; I’m a vampire. I know.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Fukurou, or Kuro for short.
Series: Frogs
Age: Somewhere in his teens (in frog years).
Canon: So, there were these two teenagers, right? After great deliberation, they decided to go screw around at the shrine of the Frog Gods. As it turned out, their fun-filled afternoon of stepping on frogs (accidentally!) and knocking the god statue around managed to pretty thoroughly piss off said Frog God. In a move that totally made complete sense, they were turned into frogs themselves. They were having a great time with that, and even considered staying as frogs for a while. You know, up until the part where the frog village elders decided the teens had to die, as penance for the misdeeds of all human children (you know, like using delicious frog booty as a hangout spot for firecrackers and all that fun stuff). Luckily, a couple of the younger frogs took a liking to them and helped them in a rather unspectacular escape from frog jail. After that, they all went on a magical and friendship-building adventure to turn the kids back into humans.
One of those ever-so-helpful frogs is Fukurou. At first, he didn't really mean to help, it just sort of happened. See, Kuro always listens to the elders, ignoring what he wants to do for what he's been told to do. He wants to be his own person, but he’s not so great at actually making decisions or getting past the concept of doing things his own way versus the way he's expected to. Despite being somewhat of a stick in the mud and acting like he knows best, he's actually rather naive and gullible about a lot of things. He can be easily surprised, but he tries to cover it up quickly with an air of maturity he doesn't really have. He can also get pretty carried away and ramble like a pro. Oh, and he just so happens to be the friendly, neighborhood tsundere. He'll spend way too much time trying to convince you that he hates something, all the while loving it exuberantly off by himself. Some frogs just don't know how to have fun, man.
Sample Entry:
This part of the forest must be a lot more dangerous than I remember. You try to ask someone directions and they try to eat you. I'll have to make sure not to come out this way again. Even if the plants are smaller, everyone is so unfriendly and... Now that just seems irresponsible. Who would hang all their underwear in a tree? It's unsanitary, to begin with. Anyone could come by to--Oh!
Excuse me! The funny looking bird up there! Could you help me for a minute? I seem to have gotten lost and I was wondering... Ah! You're talking, but you aren't actually talking! Can all birds do that? It's really rude to suddenly start talking in someone's brain, you know. You should really give some warning before you do that. Anyway, you seem really small for a bird. You must be a baby, right? You should be at home, it's dangerous for children to be out without their parents! Don't try to tell me you aren't a baby, I'm bigger than you, and I'm only a frog! We're really small! I don't know what kind of frogs you've been around, but it's just common sense that if you're an adult bird you should be bigger. Huh? No, I'm not a human. I don't even look like one. See, I'm all slimy and my legs are made for jumping and I can croak. I always look like this, there must be something wrong with your eyes.
Anyway, your inability to know what frogs look like isn’t what’s important right now. I still need to ask you if you know how to get back to my village. It's in the forest and there's a shrine nearby. Don't tell me there's not a place like that around here, I can't have gotten that far away! Hold on, hold on. That doesn't make any sense. You’re saying that I’m trapped in some strange, eternal summer program for human children without a way to actually ever get home? That’s horrible. It's one thing to say-- think, whatever it is that you do--that I'm a human, especially when it’s not true, but it's something completely different to say that I'm supposed to live like one forever.
Okay, okay. I've had enough of this. Can you just tell me where I could find an adult around here? No, you don't count. I mean an adult frog. Of course they'll know what to do, if they're counselors, they can counsel me on how to get home without dealing with the likes of you anymore. You mean to say that there’s not any real leadership in the counselors and that’s all some crazy attempt to make people feel a false sense of security? That’s terrible. Ah! How can the adults here be so incompetent? Well, this has gotten me nowhere. Thank you for giving me that information, but I'd appreciate it if you could just tell me how to get to the camp now. I'll see for myself if everyone there is as useless as you say they are.
Poll Vote!
Character: The Witch (Wanda Maximoff)
Series: Exiles (Yet Another Marvel Comic Alternate Universe Thing)
Character Age: Mid to late teens!
Canon: Once upon a time superheroes were nabbed from different dimensions and set up 'The Exiles' who are essentially the interdimensional hall monitor squad. Pulled out of their home realities at the moment before death, the heroes use a device called the Tallus to travel to different realities and set them back on track so that life doesn't go to Hell and the different multiverses don't collide in an undignified super apocalypse. The Tallus doesn't just teleport, it also provides mission information.
The Witch is an alternate reality Scarlet Witch. She was just about to die (meddling with forbidden bring-my-brother-back-to-life magic) when she joined the latest incarnation of the Exiles. Less haughty than most of her alternate selves, Wanda is hardworking, a bit headstrong and ironically prudish (despite the lack of real pants in her outfit). Wanda is a little self-conscious, so is quick to critize her alternate selves as selfish, needing to eat less and needing to dress more modestly. This isn't to say that she's shy but rather she's (mostly) calm, ready to lend a hand and occasionally needs a shoulder to lean on.
Note: In the last issue of the Exiles, Wanda was killed by Emma Frost.
Sample Post:
I really didn't think the whole "right before you die" thing was supposed to happen twice. I've been there, done that, got the weird reality hopping bracelet that tells us how we're supposed to fix the world this time. Speaking of us -- . . . guys? . . . anyone? I am really hoping this isn't a world populated with zombies. It would be worse than Wolverine's head on a pike, it would be Wolverine's head on a pike trying to eat me. That's just terrible. And what would I end up wearing? Nothing would look good with skin like that, sorry. If it's anything like the other mes in other places I'm not sure I want to see that much rotting flesh. I'll clarify -- that much rotting flesh on anyone, you . . . oh it really is a world of zombies.
This is the worst mission ever, Tallus. I swear if I ever figure out how you work we're going to have a talk. A talk that may involve some de-accessorizing on my part.
Okay. I can do this on my own. Just keep calm and fix reality. On my own far away from you creepy half-dead zombie things. I really hope you're not someone I am supposed to know. Let's see the Tallus says . . . "Varnish Error 503 Service Unavailable." Wow, that was even worse than the "destroy machines" message. Is this giving me messages in code now? Or is this some kind of weird alternate reality roaming charge? Maybe it's symbolic. . . I really wish someone that I knew was here, even if it was a weird alternate version of them. As long as their face was intact and most of their brain -- I would even take half, now. It would be really reassuring.
Maybe I should just walk up to someone and introduce myself. We've never really done well on stealth missions anyway and without any information on this world besides varnish error, varnish error what! I'm kind of sunk. Deep breath, shoulders back . . . Ahem. Excuse me? Ugh, how rude, don't just ignore me . . . Excuse me! I was looking for . . . oh. You're a goat. And there is something very wrong with your face. I'm sorry, I think I'll ask someone else.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zhong Hui, styled Shiji
Series: Dynasty Warriors 7
Character Age: 19ish, maybe?
Canon: Dynasty Warriors is Koei’s dramatic, over-exaggerated and glorified retelling of “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” and follows the beginning and end of the kingdoms of Wei - ruled by Cao Cao, Wu - ruled by the Sun family and Shu - ruled by Liu Bei. We learn of their hardships, drama, bloodshed and betrayals as they fight to unite China under their own rule. In the seventh installment of this game, we are introduced with the Kingdom and new and exciting officers of Jin, dominated by the Sima family.
Among these new officers is the forever self-important, arrogant yet precocious Zhong Hui, a studied calligrapher, literature enthusiast and tactician. He comes in the picture when most of the good Three Kingdoms stuff was over, but soon enough to help Sima Zhao - his commanding officer - see the end of the Shu Kingdom. Zhong Hui comes off as extremely self-centered in an obnoxious way that makes you want to smack him across the face rather than show him the respect he wants. Being one of the younger officers of Jin, he looks down upon the oldies like Deng Ai, a veteran officer and cartographer, and makes sure he’s always ahead of him… and everyone else, really. Eventually, his egotism will lead him to turn down loyalty and (attempt to) take for China for himself. (By the way, he will fail miserably.)
Sample Post:
This is what we’ve earned for defeating Shu? Hmph! I can hardly consider such bland terrains by the mediocre name of “Camp Fuck U Die” a spoil of war. For one, it’s not even grammatically correct! They can take this land back for all I care. But I will have to say that, unsurprisingly, their land is just as flat as their officers. Did they truly expect to win against us? You know, this would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic!
There is one thing that bothers me, though. Well, many things, actually. I was told about the Director and her situation, but… what… what's the meaning of the sorcery here? I understand that the people of Shu like to follow the words of the dead, but I hadn't thought they'd actually try to bring back the dead! Hah! I bet their predecessors are rolling in their graves right now! H-hey, stop rolling! I wasn’t talking about you! Ugh, this is making me sick! Not only does this place stink of walking corpses, but idiocy as well. I can’t possibly picture myself hanging around here any longer than needed, so I alone will end this case once and for all! First, where is the Director? It would be much easier if I can find someone who actually knows the area because it seems as though my map is inaccurate.
Oh, you? Are you the so-called Director? No? Then I have no business with you. Yes, I know, I was already briefed about her fiancé, and I will not tolerate your assuming that I won’t be able to find the culprit on my own. Of course I will! This will only be one of my many accomplishments by the week’s end, after all. Truthfully I don’t care about either her dead fiancé or the one responsible for his death, but I have been ordered to treat the people here with the respect you all don’t deserve, so I suppose my assistance will be vital to your search. Don’t worry; it’ll be over soon enough.
So listen closely, everyone, as I only have time to say this once: My name is Zhong Hui - excuse me, that’s Lord Zhong Hui to you, thank you. I’m not here to be dragged down by the likes of anyone here at “Camp Fuck U Die”, but I’m here on a mission. If it’s the murderer I must find in order to complete my mission, then so be it. All I suggest simply for all of you to stay out of my way; it would be, after all, unwise to stay here unnecessarily longer than you already have. With myself now leading this search, I will have the culprit’s head in no time! ―No, you filthy zombie, I don’t want your disgusting head!
Poll Vote!
Character: Suzu Yamatoya (formerly Suzu Kitamura)
Series: Peace Maker Kurogane
Character Age: Appears to be in his late teens
Canon: Fifteen-year-old Ichimura Tetsunosuke is a teen on a mission: kill the guy who killed his family. Despite having pretty much no combat experience or ideas on how to find that man, he decides to join the Shinsengumi in order to rectify both these things. The only trouble is he doesn’t completely understand what being in the Shinsengumi means and that it isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. After all, he ends up befriending a boy, Suzu, whose master is in direct opposition to the Shinsengumi without realizing it. And when Tetsunosuke has a hand in killing said master, he finds he’s in for a bit of... ah, trouble by Suzu’s hands.
Once a tsuntsun teenage boy, the death of his master caused Suzu to snap, to put it lightly. Outwardly, Suzu appears as the genial young head of the Yamatoya business. He’s fairly polite, he’s humble, he’s oh-so-sweet, and he always, always, all smiles. Only, as nice as he may seem, there’s often a bit of an edge to his words, a few crude comments here and there, a few brutally honest things mentioned when he knows no one important is listening. But his sickly sweet exterior is really just meant to hide the utterly twisted individual inside: Suzu has no attachments to anything; he’s a free man--which makes him able to hurt others without a single second thought. His logic is morbid and selfish, and he doesn’t care for politesse or hurting your ~feelings~. All of you can just rot and die for all he cares, since his main purpose in life is to take completely and utter revenge on Tetsunosuke for his master’s death, and maybe screw over those Shinsengumi dogs along the way.
Sample Post:
My, I never thought my expertise would be required so deep into the country. Though, I’m afraid that I might be misleading you all if I said that; after all, I have no experience in this matter. Still, the Director is a faithful client of ours, so I can’t help but comply. You’ll have to forgive me for being a novice--after all, I’ve never taught a class on learning how to move on from traumatic events. One would think that the actual counselors of this establishment would carry out such a task, but perhaps I shouldn’t judge how often she wishes to have her employees work, or if she rather bring in busy novices to do their work for them. Oh, but I’m rambling, aren’t I? And all of you are so eager to learn. I’ll do my best, just for all of you.
Now, let’s see . . . If you’re moving on from an event, that implies that something awfully tragic had to happen to make doing so difficult. I suppose the most common reaction would be to get revenge on the source of the tragedy, isn’t it? Please, don’t look anymore grim than you already do; I don’t mean anything so gruesome as the word “revenge” implies. After all, plenty of people believe in karma. Is revenge not the same concept, just carried out by human hands? And it really shouldn’t be something so undignified as murder or as petty as theft. Don’t hesitate to think they deserve maybe ten thousandfold what they did to you, if you’re feeling generous. It really does work--after all, their suffering will be just enough to compensate for your own. And knowing they’ll never really be able to recover from that will be the sweetest honey.
Ah, but I digress.
That is certainly one method to move past your troubles; after all, you’ll never regret not having done anything about the one who inflicted your pain. You may be lifeless by nature, but you really ought to stop being so passive. But if you haven’t enough guts to face your tormentor but just enough not to suffer quietly, I suppose there’s also the choice to drown. --Oh, my apologies; I had to clear my throat. I did mean “drown yourself in booze,” as plenty of men do. You can gamble away your savings, sell yourself, engage in pointless, suicidal duels . . . You can provoke those around you, you can buy lives and just as quickly extinguish them . . . You can do quite a bit to distract yourself, even on a farm like this. Challenge a gorilla if you’re so sick of the monotony of a broken heart, or give yourself up to Marcy if you can’t stop going over a friend’s betrayal in your head. If anything, I can tell you there are a number of ways--a great, great number of ways--for a man to forget about his worries.
But I will say this: of both the methods I’ve suggested today, one hurts yourself, and one hurts others. Do choose wisely.
Poll Vote!